Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 124

Twitterpocalypse

Writer's note: The username links do not work, but others do. Some readers may prefer to start this short story at the chronological beginning, but I recommend starting here:

LandingPartyONE Displeased we did not demolish Twitter servers instead of using them. Activate sterilization protocol.
less than 5 seconds ago from TweeterProbe

Happybriefs I've destroyed all them in my house with a fern spritzer and my son's SuperSoaker. I know, it's stupid, but water does it! #pocylpse
less than 5...

Dominus Vobiscum

After the disastrous Papacy of Benedict XVI, all the secret societies decided to go a different way with the new pontiff.

The Freemasons were keen to start putting their new genetic engineering technology to use, and so create some kind of freakish monstrosity that would be a continued impediment to population control. They were shouted down by the Illuminati, who were excited about the possibilities of having the first artificial pope.

The Priory of Sion and the Jesuits were in agreement a...

Carol Burnett Star Trek Parody

Hilarious. Hang in there until Spock and Kirk start feeling each other up, all you slash fiction fans!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Carol Burnett Star Trek Parody on YouTube.

Did you see what Alltop was wearing? Thanks to D. Bart for finding this!

Video dating

"So is it on?"

Voice from off-camera: "Let me check." [camera shakes slightly:] "Yep, you're good."

"Okay, so you might not guess this from looking at me, but I'm actually a real sensitive dude. I enjoy art, black and white movies, and listening to the jazz of the twenties and thirties. And I love the ocean.

"Obviously, I'm big into the body modification thing, so if that turns you off, just walk away. I don't want to waste any time with a woman who wants to –quote– fix me. I used to be...

Japanese vegetables commit Hari-Kurry

I dunno, I'm really worried about what's going on in Japan. This is actually quite disturbing:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Japanese veggies commit Hair-Kurry at YouTube too.

Alltop once cut it's finger while chopping onions.

My Unicorn's Alcoholism

Alltop once had a dragon strung out on heroin.

A Brief History of Unicorns: Vedic Culinary Prescriptions

As discussed earlier, the archeological record clearly shows that unicorns evolved on the Indian subcontinent, and migrated from there. References to the unicorn are sprinkled throughout early Vedic writings, concentrated in the Iron Age texts known as the Brāhmaṇas, which are commentaries discussing the proper forms of sacrifice.

In short, they are a collection of recipes for the appropriate treatment and cooking of unicorns.

Here is one such recipe painstakingly translated by Sanskrit...

Grumpy gibbon

That is one pissed-off monkey. I'm glad it's only a cartoon.

Alltop hates the hump day too. Even monkeys have bad days,

originally uploaded by sween

A Brief History of the Unicorn: Part One, The Bible

Wikipedia claims the unicorn is a mythological creature, and I call bullshit on that.

The unicorn is not mythological. The kraken is mythological. Jörmungandr, the Midgard Serpent, is a mythological beast. These are animals that defy logic and the physical rules of the universe — seriously, a snake that encircles the earth? The unicorn, however, is just a superior, yet extinct, animal.

The unicorn, or onus cornu, was once plentiful on the subcontinent of India, and in survived in...

Parsing the want ads

Are you ready for an exciting career?

An award-winning, International company is looking for unique individuals with leadership ability. We are one of the fastest growing companies in the fastest growing industry in the world!

Are you ready to dive in and clean up? Your training will be provided. Absolutely no experience necessary. If you have integrity, a good work ethic and a strong stomach, the opportunities for advancement are only limited by how long you can work. We'll provide the...