Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 128

Tell Me About Your Mother

You awake each morning screaming, your mouth dry and your eyes red from the tears that bath your Pillow of Ennui. You had the dream again. Of falling. Of dogs tearing at your carcass, broken on the dirty pavement of a city where you never lived. Your days blur together in an existential nightmare that would cause Camus to shit himself.

And each morning you look at the scrap of an old newspaper. All that remains is the headline, and you wonder: what was Doctor Salathial's Toddler...

Harry Potter Explained

The only thing this one seems to be missing is "new character in the book is not who they appears to be".

Alltop is the new Master of the Dark Arts. HarryPotter, originally uploaded by lunchbreath.

Octopuses' Garden

Peter Stumbersby was a devotee of the Browning Diving Suit, though for some time he had owned an original Flannigan Breathing Apparatus (it almost killed him.)

Neither of these submersible garments were cheap to maintain. The Browning Suit, especially, got a little funky, as he insisted on wearing it even during the summer, on High Street, while working as a salesman for the Farkmee SeaFood and Taffy Conglomerate. (Famous for its company slogans: Farkmee on the High Seas, and, Farkmee...

Oh noes, they've "suspended" Bond film

Yes, it's true. Suspended "indefinitely". In the meantime, may I suggest you enjoy this rejected Quantum of Solace theme song. Brilliant:

Clip of funny rejected QOS theme found here.

Alltop also is Something of Boris. Thanks to Olga and her friends for finding this.

Butterscotch Pie

Cecil and Barton were locked in a gentlemen's psycho-drama that ammunition could not solve.

How it had begun, neither could say. Perhaps it had to do with one of them sleeping with the other's mother, or sister, or perhaps it all stemmed from the tremendous buggering they'd both suffered at Public School. All they knew was that every day they found themselves dressed in lead vests, locked in non-lethal combat that seemed to have no end.

Unless, of course, one of them eventually decided to ...

A Good Walk Spoiled

Alltop has a fore handicap. Photo via Twisted Vintage.

Dante's Internet

I has been some time since I read the Inferno, but this rejigging of Dante's nine circles of hell is fun. (Though, I wonder where the an artist who curves his text in the opposite direction from the background circle should go.)

(Click image to embiggen, and I couldn't figure out where this meme got its start, sorry.)

And if you happen to forget what the original looked like, here you go:

Alltop is a terribly funny sinner.

Pallas Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and Kicking Ass

She sprang from the cranium of Zeus himself, a divine thought found form, and a blessing unto the Gods, the philosophers of men, and the City of Athens. She was the goddess of civilization, wisdom, strength, strategy, wit, craft, raffia-worked bowls, and a divine sponsor of heroes.

The virgin patron of Athens, Athena was a central figure in Greek mythology, and Garth Santoropolous's weekly game of Dungeons and Dragons, which featured Leslie as the Goddess. She took the role very...

Daisy, Daisy, Call on the Cthulu

At first, everyone was really excited when Daisy Stagbys joined the Brighton Cycling Society. She was young, hot, and had a four-seater.

And then, when she suggested that she had some "friends" who would love to be involved, they were thrilled. (Membership had been in decline for years.)

But something about the new members made everyone a tad uncomfortable. Especially Jeremy Cthulu. (Pictured riding above the rear wheel, just before he devoured the soul of Mira Tendercones in a cloud of ...

Daisy, Daisy

At first, everyone was really excited when Daisy Stagbys joined the Brighton Cycling Society. She was young, hot, and had a four-seater.

And then, when she suggested that she had some "friends" who would love to be involved, they were thrilled. (Membership had been in decline for years.)

But something about the new members made everyone a tad uncomfortable. Especially Jeremy Cthulu. (Pictured riding above the rear wheel, just before he devoured the soul of Mira Tendercones in a cloud of ...