Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 111

October 1, 2022: Your Handy Guide to Weird Yokai!

You are walking down a forest path when you encounter an elderly woman. She flings sand in your face, temporarily blinding you, then cackles and flees. Congratulations. You have just encountered a Sunakake Baba. Don’t take it personally.

According to legend, if a lonely single man wishes hard enough on an icicle, it will transform into a Tsurara Onna, a beautiful young woman who will marry him and offer blissful companionship. Until the beginning of spring when she will disappear.

Should she return the following winter and discover her former love shacked up with someone else, there’s a good chance he may be found, at a later date, stabbed through the eye with an icicle.

You’re walking down a dark, deserted street when you hear it. Beto beto beto – the tell-tale sound of wooden sandals following you. You speed up and it speeds up. Slow down and it slows down. You are being followed by a Betobeto-san, The Footsteps Yokai! What can you do?

Simple. Just step aside and acknowledge its presence, motioning it by with an “After you” or “Osakini dozo”. The Betobeto-san will then pass and continue on its way, leaving you to your lurid nocturnal activities.

If you’re partial to visiting graveyards at night, beware the Tenome, monk-like creatures with eyes in the palms of their hands. They are swift, hunt by scent, and are known to slurp the bones out of their victims’ bodies, leaving behind nothing but skin and meat. The best parts!

The Bansho no Sei is the spirit of a Japanese banana that makes its presence known by assuming the form of a human face on the broad leaf of a banana tree. Occasionally, it may also magically impregnate women who happen by.

And today’s Yes/No…

Pancake Spaghetti? Yes/Nohttps://t.co/XpCz7qoI3S

— Joseph Mallozzi (@BaronDestructo) October 1, 2022

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September 30, 2022: The Suji update!

Suji was unusually cranky following her last physio appointment.  Unlike many of the other canine attendees who purportedly love the water, Suji is NOT an enthusiastic underwater walker or swimmer, preferring to let the techs simply pull around as she bobs above the surface.  Anyway, after picking her up – and promptly getting caught in a rainstorm on the way back home – she was unusually vocal.  Then, she began to experience trouble breathing.  Fortunately, we had Lulu’s old inhaler and a couple of puffs later, she was resting comfortably.

Fortunately, Suji was due for her annual check-up.  We dropped her off in the morning – along with the requisite poop sample – and received a call from the vet an hour later informing us that her heart and breathing were strong, but there was definite degeneration in her overall muscle mass.  Her front legs, once her strong point are now her weak point whereas her once gimpy back legs have proven surprisingly resilient.  At this point, it really doesn’t make sense to have her undergo an MRI or surgery, so the best we can do is keep her comfortable, work those muscles, and hope we see some improvement.

Pictured above (massage time).

In the end, the only unusual thing about Suji’s visit to the vet was arriving home and discovering the poop sample we had dropped off with her sitting in her stroller.  I can only assume they forgot rather than helping themself to a modest bit and then returning the rest to our care.

I’ve noticed I’ve developed an anxiety about checking the mail.  I’ll avoid doing so, sometimes for weeks at a time, for fear of finding one of those telltale light brown envelopes, the mark of the Canadian Revenue Service with some nasty surprise and annoying trifle that will take me days to address.  Sure enough, yesterday, I opened the mail to discover one such envelope – and a notice informing me that they were reviewing my 2019 travel expenses.  2019!!!  So now, I have to dig up all my three year old receipts and send them “a detailed list of the transaction”, “an explanation of the reason for the travel”, “copies of invoices or receipts for the ten largest transactions”,  and “”a copy of travel logs”.  Hooboy.  I spent most of last night and this morning going through my 2019 VISA statements and identifying all travel-related expenses.  The big ones are all L.A. and San Diego business-related – pitches, meetings with executives, hotel stays, ubers everywhere – so I’m having to dig up email correspondence proving who I was meeting and when.  There were a handful of fuel expenses related to driving to Etobicoke and Hamilton for the Utopia Falls production.  And, finally, a smattering of uber trips to meeting with locals execs, producers, writers, and directors.  It honestly feels very nickel-dimey but, from what I hear, there are a lot of people undergoing the same scrutiny.  Evidently, our government is desperate for cash after crippling the economy and driving up inflation.  Someone has to pay for their combined largesse and stupidity, and it sure as hell aint them!

Guess that’s what I’ll be doing this weekend.  You?

 

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September 29, 2022: The Horror Marathon continues with three more movies!

Saloum (2021)

In 2003, a trio of mercenaries escaping a coup in Guinea-Bissau take refuge in a hidden region on the Saloum river of Senegal. But something from beyond the grave awaits them there.

Thoughts: Action and adventure, rogues and revelations, suspense and the supernatural – this movie has it all. An absolute blast.

4.5/5

Anything for Jackson (2020)

A bereaved Satanist couple kidnap a pregnant woman so they can use an ancient spellbook to put their dead grandson’s spirit into her unborn child but end up summoning more than they bargained for.

Thoughts: Although some of the horror elements feel a little random, a times a little familiar, this movie is possessed of an enjoyable quirkiness.

3.5/5

Atrocious (2010)

Two teenage siblings endure a terrifying experience while investigating a rural legend near their family’s vacation home.

Thoughts: Hampered by typical found footage genre logic. The ponderous lead-up can’t save the inventive ending.  This one felt twice as long as its modest 75 minute run time.

3/5

Today’s Yes/No…

Tokyo Island Lemon KitKats? Yes/No
Japanese KitKats get a new regional flavour, straight from a Tokyo island https://t.co/OthaXPwKxU via @RocketNews24En

— Joseph Mallozzi (@BaronDestructo) September 29, 2022

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September 28, 2022: Amazing Covers!

A few that caught my eye this week…

Batman: Fortress #5 – cover art by Kamome Shirahama

DC Vs. Vampires #1 – cover art by Nathan Szerdy

Harley Quinn #22 – cover art by Natali Sanders

Task Force Z #12 – cover art by Eber Ferreira, Eddy Barrows

The Human Target #7 – cover art by Greg Smallwood

The Human Target #7 – cover art by Stanley Artgerm Lau

Afterschool #3 – cover art by Veronica Fish

Spawn: The Scorched #10 – cover art by Bjorn Barends

Manboat & Bunnyman: Green Eggs & Blam #3 – cover art by Keith Garvey

So, which were YOUR favorites?

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September 27, 2022: Projects on deck and Suji mad as heck!

Alrighty!  Just closed a deal for one of my pilots.  Going to spend the next couple of days putting together the content for the pitch deck: Format, Pilot Summary, Season 1 Summary, Beyond Season 1 (at a glance), Tone, Style, References, and a Writer’s Bio.  This one is delightfully bonkers, very much in the world of over-the-top contemporary sci-fi, and chock full ‘o humor.

The new pilot wound its way to ten different places.  Waiting on a group chat with my “team” to discuss strategy.  This is one of those rare shows (for me) that would work just as well on network as it would on streaming.  “A ton of fun” raves my Canadian agent!

Took Suji for her physio today.  She was NOT happy.  And, apparently, demonstrated little enthusiasm in the water.  The tech believes her neurological condition is progressing as she is losing sensation in her front legs now.  Suji has her annual physical tomorrow, so we’ll ask the vet’s opinion but, at this point, I’m not sure there’s much we can do for her outside of making sure she’s comfortable.  And, of course, well fed.

On the way back home, we ended up getting caught in the rain.  Suji stayed fairly dry under cover of her stroller while Akemi and I got soaked.

When we got home, however, Suji seemed in some distress.  Akemi assumed she may have inhaled some water and she seemed to be having some trouble breathing.  After setting her down on the couch and adjusting a pillow beneath her, she relaxed, sneezed, and fell asleep, snoring away.  Hopefully better now but will make it a point to mention it to the vet at tomorrow’s appointment.

Name a show that betrayed you.

— Joseph Mallozzi (@BaronDestructo) September 27, 2022

A show.  A SHOW!  Not a network!

Today’s Yes/No…

Pepsi Shiso? Yes/Nohttps://t.co/n9Mw6PfNUc pic.twitter.com/cBzuK8BlUh

— Joseph Mallozzi (@BaronDestructo) September 27, 2022

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September 25, 2022: The Toronto Garlic Fest!

Yes!  Following a two-year hiatus, the Toronto Garlic Festival made its triumphant return on Sunday.  Akemi and I had been looking forward to it for months!

The weather forecasts had called for a torrential downpour, but we only suffered a little rain on the day.

I’m fascinated by the wide varieties of garlic available: Artichoke, Red Russian, Music, Korean Red, Purple Stripe, Spanish, Ukranian Red,  Persian, Georgian Fire – to name but a few.  We ended up picking up a sleeve of Music, a sleeve of Spanish, and a sleeve of Ukrainian Red – then, Akemi spent the next two days cleaning and jarring them.  Apparently, the Ukrainian Reds were a pain to deal with.  They are also, apparently, spicier than the other varieties

For lunch today – sausages and sautéed Spanish garlic.

We also picked up a Sampler Pack that includes a good mix.  These we usually roast whole in the oven with a little bit of olive oil and salt, then compare the difference in flavors.

A lot of hot sauces on sale on the day, and I couldn’t resist.

A couple of curious items I didn’t try – the Sweet Stout with Black Garlic and the Roasted Garlic and Chocolate gelato.  Consider these today’s Yes/No.

I had an excellent set of ribs from my friends Ryan and Kim, owners of When the Pig Came Home deli as well as some delicious biscuits and pulled pork from Mildred’s Temple Kitchen.

The final haul.

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September 25, 2022: Suji Sunday!

Suji hanging out with Totoro.

After all the serious photos, Suji always likes to do a funny one.

Zonked.

Suji’s workout…

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September 24, 2022: Your Handy Guide to Weird Yokai!

Cowards who run away from battles or cancel beloved sci-fi shows could become the victims of Buruburu, spirits that will creep up on them and touch the back of their necks, causing them to shudder.

The Wani are dragon-like aquatic creatures that live in underwater kingdoms, deep in the ocean’s depths. Gifted shapeshifters, they occasionally take human form and fall in with humans. But these relationships are often doomed to failure. After all, what would they have to talk about?

If you’re walking through a forest at night, beware the Tsurube Otoshi, a giant head with spindly limbs that will drop from the treetops, seeking to disable and devour. If one misses you, make a run for it. It won’t be able to catch up given its little matchstick legs!

If you fail to pick a ripe persimmon, it will eventually turn into a Tantan Kororin, a giant monk with a persimmon-like head that will wander through town, dropping the ripe persimmons it has rescued from indifferent pickers.   Its excrement is said to be delicious!

Next time you visit a brothel, keep your eye out for the Taka Onna. They are lonely women capable of distorting their bodies to hideous lengths in order to perform second-floor peek-ins on couples in flagrante delicto.

Todays’ Yes/No…

Crustless Bread? Yes/No
Imperial Hotel Tokyo offers crustless bread…in the sense that it never had crust to begin with https://t.co/gREpUUqeMW via @RocketNews24En

— Joseph Mallozzi (@BaronDestructo) September 24, 2022

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September 23, 2022: The week-ender!

It’s been almost three years since the last Garlic Fest so you can be damn sure that Akemi and I won’t be missing this one.  As usual, we’ll be peaking up a dozen different varieties of fresh garlic, garlic chips, garlic powder, garlic sauces, and sampling the innumerable garlic-themed culinary offerings  from garlic-brined peameal bacon to roasted garlic clove and mozzarella-wrapped arancini, honey-garlic bourbon sausages to garlic pickle juice and vodka ice pops.

Toronto Garlic Festival 

Who’s in?

So, what are your weekend plans?

The new pilot is slowly winding its way out to various execs – as well as my agents who will presumably be reading it over the weekend.  This one is less genre and more action-adventure.  The comps are “It’s Blindspot meets Castle (or Remington Steele if you really want to date yourself)”.

How you imagine executives have responded to your script –

24 hours after you hit send.

1 week after not hearing back from them.

In the meantime, time to shift gears and start work on that android-themed pilot.  You know how much I love my androids!

Today’s Yes/No…

Black Belt Udon Noodles? Yes/No
Pitch-black Black Belt udon noodles are a visual roundhouse, but do they taste good?【Taste test】 https://t.co/JlWs0T8H21 via @RocketNews24En

— Joseph Mallozzi (@BaronDestructo) September 23, 2022

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September 22, 2022: The Horror Marathon continues!

75 films in and 3/4 through this Horror Marathon…

Speak No Evil (2022)

A Danish family visits a Dutch family they met on a holiday. What was supposed to be an idyllic weekend slowly starts unraveling as the Danes try to stay polite in the face of unpleasantness.

Thoughts: A slow-burn gem that quietly and creepily builds from disquieting to disturbing to deeply dark.

4.5/5

Thesis (1996)

While researching a thesis on violence, a young woman comes across a video depicting a murder. She soon discovers that the victim was a former student in her faculty…

Thoughts: Although it feels strangely dated, it’s a taut thriller that does a terrific job of keeping the audience off-balance until the very end.

4/5

What Josiah Saw (2021)

A family with buried secrets reunite at a farmhouse after two decades to pay for their past sins.

Thoughts: The unbearable wait for something to happen ultimately yields a stunning reveal that is, in turn, superseded by an even more stunning revelation. Bleak and lethargically paced, but the ending is a shocker.

3.5/5

Today’s Yes/No…

Hot Sauce Popsicles? Yes/Nohttps://t.co/U4QhjYIAgs

— Joseph Mallozzi (@BaronDestructo) September 22, 2022

I am intrigued.

 

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