Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 115
September 25, 2022
September 25, 2022: Suji Sunday!
Suji hanging out with Totoro.
After all the serious photos, Suji always likes to do a funny one.
Zonked.
Suji’s workout…
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September 24, 2022
September 24, 2022: Your Handy Guide to Weird Yokai!
Cowards who run away from battles or cancel beloved sci-fi shows could become the victims of Buruburu, spirits that will creep up on them and touch the back of their necks, causing them to shudder.
The Wani are dragon-like aquatic creatures that live in underwater kingdoms, deep in the ocean’s depths. Gifted shapeshifters, they occasionally take human form and fall in with humans. But these relationships are often doomed to failure. After all, what would they have to talk about?
If you’re walking through a forest at night, beware the Tsurube Otoshi, a giant head with spindly limbs that will drop from the treetops, seeking to disable and devour. If one misses you, make a run for it. It won’t be able to catch up given its little matchstick legs!
If you fail to pick a ripe persimmon, it will eventually turn into a Tantan Kororin, a giant monk with a persimmon-like head that will wander through town, dropping the ripe persimmons it has rescued from indifferent pickers. Its excrement is said to be delicious!
Next time you visit a brothel, keep your eye out for the Taka Onna. They are lonely women capable of distorting their bodies to hideous lengths in order to perform second-floor peek-ins on couples in flagrante delicto.
Todays’ Yes/No…
Crustless Bread? Yes/No
Imperial Hotel Tokyo offers crustless bread…in the sense that it never had crust to begin with https://t.co/gREpUUqeMW via @RocketNews24En
— Joseph Mallozzi
(@BaronDestructo) September 24, 2022
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September 23, 2022
September 23, 2022: The week-ender!
It’s been almost three years since the last Garlic Fest so you can be damn sure that Akemi and I won’t be missing this one. As usual, we’ll be peaking up a dozen different varieties of fresh garlic, garlic chips, garlic powder, garlic sauces, and sampling the innumerable garlic-themed culinary offerings from garlic-brined peameal bacon to roasted garlic clove and mozzarella-wrapped arancini, honey-garlic bourbon sausages to garlic pickle juice and vodka ice pops.
Who’s in?
So, what are your weekend plans?
The new pilot is slowly winding its way out to various execs – as well as my agents who will presumably be reading it over the weekend. This one is less genre and more action-adventure. The comps are “It’s Blindspot meets Castle (or Remington Steele if you really want to date yourself)”.
How you imagine executives have responded to your script –
24 hours after you hit send.
1 week after not hearing back from them.
In the meantime, time to shift gears and start work on that android-themed pilot. You know how much I love my androids!
Today’s Yes/No…
Black Belt Udon Noodles? Yes/No
Pitch-black Black Belt udon noodles are a visual roundhouse, but do they taste good?【Taste test】 https://t.co/JlWs0T8H21 via @RocketNews24En
— Joseph Mallozzi
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September 22, 2022
September 22, 2022: The Horror Marathon continues!
75 films in and 3/4 through this Horror Marathon…
Speak No Evil (2022)
A Danish family visits a Dutch family they met on a holiday. What was supposed to be an idyllic weekend slowly starts unraveling as the Danes try to stay polite in the face of unpleasantness.
Thoughts: A slow-burn gem that quietly and creepily builds from disquieting to disturbing to deeply dark.
4.5/5
Thesis (1996)
While researching a thesis on violence, a young woman comes across a video depicting a murder. She soon discovers that the victim was a former student in her faculty…
Thoughts: Although it feels strangely dated, it’s a taut thriller that does a terrific job of keeping the audience off-balance until the very end.
4/5
What Josiah Saw (2021)
A family with buried secrets reunite at a farmhouse after two decades to pay for their past sins.
Thoughts: The unbearable wait for something to happen ultimately yields a stunning reveal that is, in turn, superseded by an even more stunning revelation. Bleak and lethargically paced, but the ending is a shocker.
3.5/5
Today’s Yes/No…
Hot Sauce Popsicles? Yes/Nohttps://t.co/U4QhjYIAgs
— Joseph Mallozzi
I am intrigued.
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September 21, 2022
September 21, 2022: Amazing Covers!
A few that caught my eye this week…
Fantastic Four #47 – cover art by Russell Dauterman
Iron Cat #4 – cover art by Kei Zama
Star Wars: Darth Vader #27 – cover art by Rahzzah
20th Century Men #2 – cover art by S. Morian
Batman: One Bad Day – Two-Face #1 – cover art by Javier Fernandez Barranco
Catwoman #47 – cover art by Jeff Dekal
Pearl III #5 – cover art by Zu Orzu
Best of 2000 AD vol. 1 – cover art by Jamie McKelvie
The Complete Omni – cover art by John Cassaday
So, which were YOUR favorites?
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September 20, 2022
September 20, 2022: The Tuesday Edition!
Cozy rice monkey (https://t.co/ADXDLOTV01)
All these idiots using original NyQuil instead of cherry NyQuil in their recipes. smh
— Joseph Mallozzi
Riding in style…
The interior of the Orient Express. This long-distance passenger train
was created in 1883. pic.twitter.com/DoYruVDoFO
— History In Pictures (@HistoryInPics) July 30, 2022
Finishing up a first draft of my new pilot tomorrow and casting it off into the cruel world, perhaps never to be seen or heard from again.
Then, I start work on that android series pilot! Do love me my androids.
Suji has been unusually cranky of late. Not sure what’s up.
Today’s Yes/No…
Butter Drink? Yes/No
Thanks/Blame @Thogar for the heads up.
The Butter Drink, Japanese convenience store’s new drinkable butter, has people perplexed https://t.co/Whp5heOYbW
— Joseph Mallozzi
Yes!
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September 19, 2022
September 19, 2022: Your Handy Guide to Weird Yokai!
Pity the poor kitchen grater, dulled by years of improper storage, usage, and care, that transforms into a Yama Oroshi, resembling a porcupine with its blunted slicers adorning its head like a hat out of Philip Treacy’s new fall collection.
The yellow-bodied, big-headed Bake ichō no sei are the spirits of gingko trees that haunt, appropriately enough, old gingko trees, striking their tiny gongs and generally making people uncomfortable with their odd appearance and weird behavior.
Has your cat recently demonstrated an affinity for walking around on its hindquarters, a sudden talent for playing musical instruments, or the ability to manifest fireballs? If so, then it may be turning into a Bakeneko, a yokai bent on revenge after years of neglect.
The Uwan is so-named because of its penchant for jumping out of hiding and shouting “Uwan!”, startling unwary travelers and feeding on their fear. Should you ever encounter one, shout “Uwan!” back and it will flee into the night, never to mess with you again.
The Byōbu Nozoki is the degenerate spirit of a decorative folding screen that spies on people having sex. Should you ever glimpse a tall, creepy individual with long black hair and black teeth leering at you, just ignore them. They’ll eventually go away. Whenever you’re done.
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September 18, 2022
September 18, 2022: Suji Sunday!
Rosie the Wheeler.
Nap position.
Out and about.
Puppuccino
Daddy’s girl.
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September 17, 2022
September 17, 2022: The Horror Marathon continues!
Rare Exports (2010)
In the depths of the Korvatunturi mountains, 486 meters deep, lies the closest ever guarded secret of Christmas. The time has come to dig it up.
Thoughts: A good-looking production that isn’t really an effective horror movie and yet, at the same time, isn’t a very successful kids’ movie either. All the ingredients are there for one or the other, but the movie fails to live up to either potential.
3/5
She Dies Tomorrow (2020)
Amy thinks she’s dying tomorrow…and it’s contagious.
Thoughts: I enjoyed the understated dark humor but it all too often feels like an overly long SNL skit.
3.5/5
Titane (2021)
Following a series of unexplained crimes, a father is reunited with the son who has been missing for 10 years.
Thoughts: Ultimately, ridiculous. But you do you.
3/5
Today’s not-so-horrific Yes/No…
Sweet Potato Ice Cream? Yes/No
Häagen-Dazs’ Japan’s new sweet potato ice cream disappoints AND completely satisfies us https://t.co/FoFd8pyoVH via @RocketNews24En
— Joseph Mallozzi
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September 16, 2022
September 16, 2022: Akemi going bake-crazy!
Akemi made focaccia today: garlic powder, rosemary, thyme, and oregano. Delicious.
She also made this ultra-dense, ultra bittersweet matcha cake with custard cream. Also delicious.
Came across this marvelous concept art from SG-1’s pilot episode, “Children of the Gods”. How come we never saw more of the Jaffa bands jammin’ to the oldies? Cartego Choo Choo. Jebanna 6-5000. Mak’tal the Knife.
What nonsense is this? Oh, it’s today’s Yes/No…
Corn Glizzy? Yes/Nohttps://t.co/YJ73exFJxs
— Joseph Mallozzi
Man, this one’s reach.
I've cancelled all my subscriptions. Will resubscribe once they either pick up a show from me OR start offering an alphabetical listing by category. One or the other. They can choose.
Absolutely no pressure. https://t.co/bPVfbvpuoV
— Joseph Mallozzi
Seriously…
Everyone else: "I'm watching season 3 of CSI: New Guinea, the third season of The Good Accountant, the last season of Horny Surgeons, and that new sci-fi series on Mediocrity Plus."
Me: "I…haven't heard of any of these shows."
— Joseph Mallozzi
Just came back from a very interesting discussion concerning a time travel project. Let’s call this one…Project Time Travel! Finished the first draft of Project Wolf. Taking a few days away from it, then will give it a re-read this weekend with a mind to punching up it up before sending it to my agents next week. Also next week – a zoom call to discuss the outline for Project Androids. Meanwhile, I await further word on Project Sci-fi/Kpop, Project Big Ship, and Project Gunpowder.
Pleased to report that my Snow Monkeys have kicked off the new fantasy football season with wins across both leagues. Is this the year they go both go undefeated? Probably.
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