O.M. Grey's Blog, page 42
July 8, 2011
The Morality of Love and Sex (Podcast)
Episode 7: The Morality of Love and Sex.
How does a polyamorous lifestyle fit into the dogmatic morality of some religions?
The Morality of Love and Sex (Podcast)
Filed under: Podcasts Tagged: author, broken heart, healing, honesty, infidelity, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, podcast, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationships, romance, sex, steampunk
July 6, 2011
10 Years From Now?
A very dear friend once told me that when deciding whether or not to do something, he would say to himself "What will I remember in ten years?"
And I think this is very wise.
I often think of the future when making decisions. I try to live my life with few regrets, and I would still very much rather regret something I did than something I didn't do. There is at least a little comfort in knowing you tried. Especially when it comes to love.
I give my heart, perhaps a little too freely, when someone special enters my life, for it happens far too rarely. And it's usually over far too soon. In fact, it's always over far too soon. But the time spent, however little, and the love shared is so worth the pain that follows.
So as another romantic relationship comes to an end, with all the heartbreak that brings, I will remember the love in 10 years. The pain will have long faded, but the memory of what we shared will still be strong.
And I will still cherish every moment.
And I will still be grateful for every kind word.
And I will remember the love with joy.
Filed under: Romance & Relationships Tagged: author, broken heart, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, infidelity, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, polyamory, postaweek2011, regret, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, shattered, steampunk
July 5, 2011
Steampunk Spotlight: Madam Nina's Pirated Pendants
Today the Steampunk Spotlight shines on the beautiful jewelry of Madam Nina's Pirated Pendants!
Madam Nina makes custom pieces to fit your personality or gift giving needs. She's made pieces that featured family photos, pets, company logos, school mascots, movie and band posters, wedding invitations, birth announcements, burlesque photos, religious icons and event logos.
I've had the pleasure of meeting Madam Nina at several Steampunk events and fantasy conventions. Her quality work is the perfect accessory for any Steampunk outfit. Recently, Nina gifted me a token of remembrance and sympathy, and I was quite literally moved to tears. At ApolloCon, she handed me a little red pouch with a handwritten note expressing her sorrow at the loss of my girl, Bronte. Bronte was my one-true-pupply love, and we lost her on the last day of May after sharing 15 years of joy together. Nina created a lovely broach with a picture of her on one side and her name on the other. It has become a permanent part of every Steampunk ensemble. Now, my girl can always be with me. Thank you so much, Nina.
So, not only is she a talented artist, but she is also a loving person. These are they kinds of people we should be supporting. Buy one of these lovely items for a gift or just for yourself.
Find Madam Nina on Facebook & on Twitter.
☞ Visit Madam Nina's Pirated Pendants on ETSY. ☜
-_Q
If you like it, buy something … or at the very least, tell a friend about it.
Share via your social networks.
Etsy has a wonderful "share" feature to the right of every item. Use it.
-_Q
Buy Handmade. Support Artists Now.
How about you?
-_Q
Do you make Steampunk-something?
Would you like to be a part of this Steampunk Spotlight?
Contact Olivia to submit your handmade product.
Filed under: Steampunk Spotlight Tagged: art, author, cosplay, etsy, gothic, heartbroken, madam nina, nina burks, o.m. grey, olivia grey, pirated pendants, postaweek2011, steampunk, victorian
July 4, 2011
SPLENDID!
Yes, indeed.
A special Monday post in honor of Professor Elemental's new video "Splendid!"
Find out more about Professor Elemental at http://professorelemental.com and while there, do pick up his CDs (or d/l MP3s). His songs will make you want to go out and kiss a stranger, hug puppies in the street…songs that sound like fucking rainbows shooting into your ears, exploding in a wave of joy.*
Also, read the Steampunk Spotlight post on the good professor to see his other two amazing videos.
-_Q
*paraphrased lyrics from "Let's Get It Done" on More Tea?
Filed under: Lost in the Aether Tagged: author, cosplay, goggles, insanity, love, mad scientist, music, o.m. grey, olivia grey, postaweek2011, professor elemental, steampunk, video, you tube, youtube
July 1, 2011
"Twenty Minutes"
Today, SNM Horror Magazine released their July Issue, and my horror short "Twenty Minutes" is the lead story! I wrote it just for this magazine's July theme: Jealousy, Obsession, Compulsion, Murder, Erotica, so I was thrilled when it was accepted.
So go over and read "Twenty Minutes," full of love, sex, insanity, obsession, sex, and Twitter. 
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Filed under: News & Reviews Tagged: author, heartbroken, honesty, horror, love, o.m. grey, obsession, olivia grey, passion, postaweek2011, relationships, romance, sex, short story
Suicidal Tendencies (Podcast)
Episode 6: Suicidal Tendencies.
Suicidal tendencies and mental illness are grossly misunderstood in our society, and they carry a nasty stigma as well. Any mental illness, whether relatively mild or severe, is a physical problem first. Through education, we can begin to understand the nature of these disorders and counteract them before they become too much to bear, leading to self-injury or suicide.
Filed under: Podcasts Tagged: anxiety, author, borderline personality disorder, bpd, broken heart, depression, emotional disorders, grief, healing, honesty, love, mental illness, o.m. grey, olivia grey, panic attacks, podcast, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationships, self injury, self mutilation, sex, steampunk, suicidal tendencies, suicide, to write love on her arms
June 29, 2011
Protecting Your Heart
If you've ever suffered through a broken heart, you know it's not fun. In fact, it has been the cause of the singular greatest pain in my lifetime, especially when it ends early. When there are still so many what-ifs. Ending a relationship is rarely easy, for either party, but ending an unexplored relationship is the worst.
The greatest heartbreaks of my life came after relatively short relationships, both under a year. Whereas the breakup with my ex-finace, while not pleasant, was no where near as devastating. I think it's because we tried for so long, and it was just obvious that we weren't going to work. It wasn't that we didn't love each other. We did. We still do, actually. Still friends nearly 20 years later. But those unexplored relationships, full of so much potential, those are the hardest for me.
I would imagine that a marriage or long-term relationship ending because of a betrayal would be worse. The loss coupled with betrayal is always worse. I've seen people shattered over such a loss, so I'm not saying that long relationships aren't hard, even devastating, but when they end naturally, rather than in betrayal and deception, it's usually due to fading over a number of years.
Still. Not fun.
After the grief, it will once again be time to find love. Or, perhaps, love finds you, as is usually the case. When you're not looking for it. After suffering through a devastating heartbreak, we might feel the need to protect ourselves from being so hurt again. It's only natural after all, to avoid pain. Still, we must take care not to protect ourselves so much that we don't allow love in at all.
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. It was said by fellow Blue Moose Press author and dear friend Robert Stikmanz:
"If you don't leave room for the unexpected to express itself in your life, you close yourself off from the possibility of miracles."
We must be somewhat cautious at the same time, however. You might meet someone new to whom you are greatly attracted. Unlike anything you've ever known, or at least, could remember. And with all those sexy, hot hormones raging in your brain, it could very well feel like love very quickly. But remember, you just met this person. You have no idea who s/he really is yet. Yes, they're exciting and beautiful and seem very, very nice. In fact, they're wonderful in every possible way…that you can see. It takes time to get to know someone and when hormones are running high, our reality is skewed. We're more likely to overlook potential warning signs. So, we must force ourselves to slow down. Not stop. Not by any means, but to slow down.
For example, its very easy to sit and listen to love songs all day when you've got a new romance, fantasizing about the next time you're going to see them again or remembering the last time you saw them. Imagining their lips on yours. Feeling their hands caressing you. Hearing their voice say your name. Dreaming of your future together and all the what-ifs that go along with that.
Well, don't.
This done too early in a budding relationship can be very, very detrimental if it doesn't work out. By doing this too much, you're creating little maps in your brain that are extremely hard to break if things go badly. So, when you catch yourself daydreaming about your new lover. Stop. Enjoy the thought, then put them out of your mind and get back to work. Don't worry. They'll be back there before long anyway. Just try not to dwell on it and get lost in fantasies for too long. By doing this, you're creating them in your head, rather than learning who they really are.
I'm not saying don't think about them at all. Enjoy it! The feeling of falling in love is like no other! Listen to love songs. Daydream. Just…keep it manageable. At least until you get to know each other better. Make sure s/he's kind and loving. Make sure they're honest and trustworthy before giving yourself completely to them. And make sure you're falling in love with a person, not your fantasy of the person.
But do, by all means, fall in love.
For, yes, there might be heartbreak, but that means there was love. And love is rarely a bad thing.
So, here I go again, too. Risking my heart, because love is worth it.
Filed under: Romance & Relationships Tagged: author, broken heart, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, infidelity, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, shattered, steampunk
June 28, 2011
Steampunk Spotlight: Steam Powered Giraffe
Today on Steampunk Spotlight, I have a special treat for you: a guest post by Sixpence!
-_Q
The world is hard-pressed for original entertainment. Television has beaten a dead horse, movies bore us with predictable plots, and your music is always better than mine because it did "it" first. I felt apathetic to entertainment of all kinds a few months ago. I knew of a few good movies and a bit of original music, but nothing inspired me. Well, until I saw Steam Powered Giraffe at Tucson Studios for Wild Wild West Con.
My mind was forever blown. I still need to replace bits of it with a couple of cogs after seeing them perform. Steam Powered Giraffe (or SPG to their fan base) are a singing pantomime group that act as quirky and lovable robot performers that were created over 200 years ago. Their names are The Spine, played by Michael Bennett, Rabbit, played by Chris Bennett and The Jon, played by Jon Sprague. They were created by Peter Walter the First, along with a giant Steam Powered Giraffe to beat his rival, but he soon retired to play music.
"Now, hold up. Did you just say singing mimes? Mimes don't talk." That's correct random person who I shall name Steve, not all mimes talk. Though the art form has evolved, Steve, and SPG pushes pantomime to a new level. You forget they are people in makeup. When they perform, you are five years old again. Imagination is real and you believe they run on oil and Crystal Pepsi. They are what Steampunk is to me: Imagination incarnate. On top of all that, they will have you in stitches with laughter and their music is REALLY good. They are family friendly which you don't see at all anymore. So, all you Steves out there, check them out and buy their wonderful CD.
[image error]"Wait one moment, who are you and why should I care??" Good question. My name is Sixpence and I am a mime from Kazooland. A world thought up by the people behind SPG. After I got the crazy idea to steal the famous Kazoo that ended the Great War and a time traveling umbrella, I became a famous con man. My dreams of glory came true. Except for the fact I got caught, only to be saved by Mr. Saturday, my new partner in entertainment and crime. The fun kind of crime. Now we gallivant across dimensions, stopping off wherever adventure takes us!
-_Q
Thank you so much, Sixpence! Find out more about Mr. Saturday and Sixpence here!
Filed under: Steampunk Spotlight Tagged: author, mr. saturday, music, o.m. grey, olivia grey, postaweek2011, sixpence, steam powered giraffe, steampunk, wild wild west
June 24, 2011
Healing Yourself (Podcast)
Episode 5: Healing Yourself.
Before you can take care of anyone else, you must first take care of yourself. This podcast talks a little about mental and emotional disorders like depression and anxiety, which so very many people suffer from, and how to not only support yourself but also to support your spouse/SO through the crazy times.
Filed under: Podcasts Tagged: anxiety, broken heart, depression, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, infidelity, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, podcast, postaweek2011, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex
June 22, 2011
Ending a Relationship with Love & Respect
Sometimes relationships just have too much going against them to work. Whether it be different goals in life, different outlooks on life, incompatible needs, etc., there are many reasons to end a relationship. Go into this decision knowing that it has nothing to do with how much you love this person.
Love is not enough to sustain a relationship on its own, and I'm not suggesting that love be denied, not even a little bit. Love should never be denied. Still, it can be acknowledged that no matter how much you might love or care for another person, the two of you are just not happy together. You feel you are holding your significant other (SO) back or perhaps you feel they are holding you back. Perhaps you've just grown too far apart. Perhaps you've met someone else or you want to find someone better suited to you. Perhaps it's just that you fight too much, and you don't want to live the rest of your life fighting everyday. Every couple fights, of course, but are you fighting more than you are loving? Do the bad and stressful times far outweigh the good, fun times? If so, you need to seriously consider ending the romantic relationship, thereby freeing each other to find someone with whom they can share their life in relative peace and happiness. This can be an especially difficult decision if there are children involved. Far too many people stay together "for the kids."
The kids know something isn't right, and they are learning about how relationships should be through watching you and your wife/husband/SO. Ask yourself right now, would I want my daughter/son to have this relationship? Is this relationship good enough for my child? If not, then why is it good enough for you? Why is it good enough for your SO? And if you stay in an unhappy or unfulfilling or unloving relationship/marriage for your children, you are likely sentencing your children to the same future. They are learning from you.
So, you know you need to end it. Now let's look at some ways you can do this without destroying each other, and your children, in the process. First, you must acknowledge and express that relationships evolve, and you feel that you both have just changed too much to continue. That you are not happy, and you know that they are not happy either.
If you've had an indiscretion or a full blown affair, I wouldn't recommend telling them this while you're ending it. I don't often advise anything but honesty, but this might be an exception. You know your situation better than I do. If it is the only thing that will help you sever ties with your spouse/SO, then perhaps you should, but that will make an amicable break up that much more difficult, maybe impossible. For they will not only feel rejected but also deeply betrayed.
Continue the discussion by telling them that you will not just disappear. That you will ease through this transition with them, especially if you have children. Contact with them should be limited, though, and it needs to be kind, respectful, and serve as a gentle reminder that it is over. Again and again. At first, perhaps you should limit contact to only once a week. After a few weeks of that, you'll want to go into no contact for at least three weeks or a month at a time. And no contact means not checking their Facebook status or Twitter feed. No texting. Etc. When you talk with them or see them after the initial break, don't make love. Ever. Because although you might be lonely, it will be seen by your ex as an act of love and reconciliation. Then your work will start all over again and be harder than before.
After the initial shock and the reality of the new situation has sunk in, make a pact of no contact for three full months. You both need time to heal. Reassure your ex that you are not going away, but this is a necessary break for the two of you to start living separate lives. The course, Heal My Broken Heart, is an excellent resource that I can personally recommend.
And if there is someone else or if you meet someone soon thereafter, then keep it out of public for awhile. That means not to write lovey-dovey things publicly on Facebook or via Twitter. Keep respectful of your recent ex during their time of grieving, at least for a few months. Three at the very least, and better for six. It will likely take a full year to get over each other, if not longer. Don't make it harder for them by flaunting your new love. After all, you care for your ex, perhaps the mother/father of your children. Show them the respect they deserve.
There is another way, of course, especially if you have small children. If you live together with or without children, this transition will be more difficult, but it's not impossible. You have a lot of work, talking, and reassuring ahead of you. You can decide to remain living together, but you must start separating your (at least romantic) lives. Through some serious work and communication, you and your SO could come to a decision to remain together as parents, supporting each other as friends while raising your children in a loving environment, but acknowledge that the romantic part of the relationship is over. You would both begin seeing other people, and whether or not you talked about that part of your life with each other, would be up to the two of you. You would evolve into best friends, in a perfect world. If you choose this path, I wouldn't recommend lying to your children about it. You define your relationship, don't let society define it for you. As long as you are loving and respectful of your SO, in and out of romantic ties, your children will accept you and love you for it. There are many "non-traditional" relationships in today's society, and what works for one couple will not work for the next. Children commonly have "two mommies" or "two daddies," something that was impossible in society just 20 years ago. People, friends, family, and society adjust, if we can just be honest and real.
This path takes great strength and communication, as in cohabitation it's far too easy to fall back into each other's beds on lonely nights, and that can be seen as a reconciliation, as previously mentioned. That said, if you can open communication, respect, and understanding to have a loving relationship at home and have loving relationships with others, all the better for all concerned. You might end up in a polyamorous relationship after all.
Figure out what you want. What is your ideal situation? Then, try for that. Really, what have you got to lose but unhappiness?
Filed under: Romance & Relationships Tagged: author, broken heart, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, infidelity, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, shattered, steampunk
