NeonSeon's Blog, page 12
April 20, 2018
Ants
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Leonard: Ants I captured from my house. As a vegan, I can’t bear to kill’em so I’m setting them free! Shouty: Don’t you think you’re taking this too far? Leonard: No I’m just going to the park across the street.
April 17, 2018
Procrastinators
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Cousin: Do procrastinators live longer lives? Shouty: Um…I don’t think so. Why do you ask? Cousin: Because it seems like they would put off dying. [Shouty’s mind is blown.]
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April 13, 2018
Lotion
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Lotion: It’s great being lotion. You’ve seen the commercials…. We get put on sexy bodies. [Merlington picks up the bottle of lotion.] Lotion: Yes, I’ve been chosen! [Later] Merlington: I got some lotion for your bunions. Shouty: Thanks! My back fat folds are dry and itchy, too. Lotion: NO!!!!
April 6, 2018
Saving Money (Cont’d)
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Leonard: All cows are female. Shouty: Wait, they are? (Looking at Marc) But I thought you were a him–your name is Marc. Marc: It’s short for Marcia. Leonard: So are you paying for rent with milk and cheese? Shouty: No, silly. March: Yeah, that would be udderly ridiculous!
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April 3, 2018
Saving Money
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Leonard: So let me get this straight. You bought a cow. Shouty: Correct. Leonard: To save money on your food budget. Shouty: Right–it’s cheaper if you buy the whole cow. Leonard: But now that you’ve met him, he’s your new roommate? Shouty: Exactly! This is Marc with a “c.” Marc: Whaddup, fam?
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March 30, 2018
Recycling
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Empty Aluminum Can: Welp, it’s time for me to be recycled into my next incarnation! Unopened Plastic Bottle of Soda: Hope you get to be part of a bicycle or airplane this time around. Empty Aluminum Can: Haha, me too. Soda and beer are fun but I’m ready for something longer term. Unopened Plastic Bottle of Soda: Take care! Man with something in his mouth holds the Empty Aluminum Can: Hey look! I just found a new dip spitoon!
March 27, 2018
Food Log
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Nutritionist: Honestly, your logs look good so I’m not sure why you’re not losing weight. Why don’t we take one last look at it? Shouty: Ok. Nutritionist: Ok, here it says, “Two cups with milk.” That’s two cups of coffee with milk, right? Shouty: No…uh…that means two PEANUT BUTTER cups with milkSHAKE. [Nutritionist gives him a death stare. Shouty shrinks under the table.]
March 23, 2018
Perception
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[Shouty looking outside of his window. Spots a parked van.] Shouty: There’s a rat exterminator van parked in front of my house! Now all the neighbors will think I have rats! Leonard: …But…you do…have rats… Shouty: SO! That doesn’t mean I want credit for someone else’s! [Leonard sips his green juice.]
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March 20, 2018
Spring
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It’s the first day of spring! Cousin, surrounded by blooming flowers: “Achoo!”
March 16, 2018
Sleep Prescription
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Sleep Prescription: Fan to keep room cool; Cozy comforter/quilt/blanket; Light-blocking curtains; Phone on “Do Not Disturb.” [Shouty is sleeping and can be seen with all of these. His foot is also peeking from under the blanket and there is a note pointing to it: “Foot helps regulate temperature.”
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