Jon Acuff's Blog, page 80
January 31, 2013
The weirdest word used with prayer.
Maybe this is a southern thing. Maybe in California or New York you will giggle at this. Perhaps this is niche Christianity at its finest. But, lately, I’ve heard a lot of people say,
“I really covet your prayers.”
Wait, what? Is that a good word now? I was taught for years that we needed to flee from coveting like I flee from my next door neighbor’s ridiculously awesome sports car. You should see this thing: It’s all murdered out with solid black. The plates in our kitchen cabinets shake when he leaves the driveway. No children’s seats in that thing either. Man, I really just wish, well, never mind.
See, coveting.
But suddenly it’s a word we’ve reclaimed and redeemed.
I think it’s weird.
In order to put an end to this trend, from now on, I’m just going to say, “I really lust after your prayers.”
How creepy is that? Super creepy. The correct answer is super creepy.
The end.
January 30, 2013
Forgetting that you are famous.
The first time I was recognized was not as weird as I thought it would be. I guess in my head I envisioned my family and I would be walking in the mall and some stranger would exclaim, “Jon Acuff? The Jon Acuff? Wow, it is you!” Then I would blush and maybe shield my kids behind me with my arm because this person’s adoration would be so intense. They’d say, “Oh, please, say something that is both sarcastic and insightful at the same time. You’re so wise and adequately heighted.” I’d correct them on the use of the word “heighted,” which is actually not a word, and then I’d say two or three off-the-cuff sentences that would change their life, and then maybe sign their arm or a Bible if it were available. Seems like a pretty reasonable expectation, right?
It didn’t happen like that. A guy just walked up to me at church and introduced himself. We talked for a few minutes about Stuff Christians Like. The whole thing was over before I knew it and was pretty uneventful. Which is probably exactly how God wanted it.
I tend to get ego drunk pretty quickly. When people compliment me, outwardly I do the Christian courtesy of immediately rejecting the kind words. Inwardly, though, I’m often drinking in their kindness and doing a little “look how awesome I am” dance. I’m patting myself on the back with both arms and both legs at the same time, which is difficult but not impossible since I’ve taken yoga twice. (Which may or may not be “of the devil”–jury’s still out on that one.)
Knowing that about myself, knowing I’m prone to massive “me parades,” I am constantly wrestling with God over the unexpected growth of Stuff Christians Like. There’s a circle of famous Christians right now: big pastors, authors who have written amazing books, speakers who stalk conference stages like cougars. And I wanted to be inside it. Even though I think celebrity is the worst drug in Christianity right now, I wanted to become a famous Christian.
One night while jogging, I confessed that to God. As ugly and as shallow as this sounds, I said to Him, “God, I want my story to give me fame. I want fame. I want to be famous.”
In a split second, I felt like God laughed. Not at me, but with me, which is something I feel like He regularly does. In my heart, I heard:
“Ha! You want fame? The creator of the universe knows your name. The Alpha and Omega knows who you are and what you care about. That’s as famous as you’re ever going to be. Whose acknowledgment of you is going to stand up next to mine?”
At that point, I started laughing too, because He was right. I’m already famous. God knew me in the womb. He knows how many hairs are on my head. He’s my absolutely biggest fan, and I’m famous in His eyes. So are you. He’s got a blog about you that is simply astounding. He follows you on Twitter and started a fan group dedicated to you on Facebook. He can’t stop talking about you and pouring out love on you. Your so famous to God that he sent his only son for you. He launched a rescue mission for you. That’s true fame.
Will whatever you’re doing right now in life make you famous? Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. But ultimately it doesn’t matter. As Christians, we’ve already peaked. We can stop worrying about trying to become famous Christians. That’s done.
We are all famous.
January 29, 2013
Is the south the nicest part of the country?
I grew up in Massachusetts, so I’m not sure about this photo. I will say that I didn’t say hello to strangers until I moved to the south and realized that’s what you do when you’re out.
What do you think? Texas? California? Minnesota? What’s your opinion?
[image error]
January 28, 2013
Saying hello to other campuses.
I’m declaring 2013 the year of no longer saying hello to other campuses.
Not that I’m against saying hello.
Or things that are just a church building but called “campus” because that feels more relevant.
I just don’t think anyone is noticing.
But maybe I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s backtrack.
Sometimes when I speak at churches, they will tell me, “We have a few satellite campuses you will need to memorize and give a shout out to at the start of the service.”
So when I come out on stage, I have to then say, “I want to start today by saying good morning to our other campuses. Denton, hello. Farmerton, good morning. Looking good Oakville. Stay classy Springfield. I’d also like to welcome people who are watching us online and from our acoustic service for people who hate amps. Last but not least, I’d like to say hello to our friends joining us via fax machines. Thanks for reading the faxed sermon notes every Sunday.”
The challenge I have with the hello is that I’m not sure it matters.
I’ve been to satellite churches before, and I know the pastor isn’t there. Say hello all you want, and I’m still going to know that’s a video of you, not the actual you. Plus, it never really changed my worship experience. At no point have I ever angrily said to Jenny, “Let’s bounce. Stupid pastor didn’t give us a shout out. We’re outta here.”
Am I wrong?
Is the hello meaningful?
Is this a big church problem that 99% of all churches don’t think about?
What say you?
January 25, 2013
Internet Filters.
(It’s guest post Friday! Here is a new one from John Crist. John is a standup comedian from Colorado. If you want to guest post, here’s how!)
According to every piece of advice I’ve ever received from any pastor in the last five years, internet filters solve all problems.
Struggling with porn? Get an internet filter.
Want to protect your kids? Get an internet filter.
Have a gluten intolerance? Get an internet filter. (Or, watch this clip of my standup) Link: http://youtu.be/JgSoQj9K0gg
Here’s how it works: A guy (or maybe a girl?) installs software on his computer that tracks his internet browsing behavior, and then it sends an detailed report to a friend who can help keep him accountable. Seems logical right? Well, I have a filter, and I receive reports from a few buddies who have filters too.
Here are the top five awkward conversations that I’ve had as a result of internet filters
1. “Bro, I just got your report. Why were you Googling your ex girlfriend’s name at 1:37am?”
“Um…I was up praying for her. I just want God’s best for her, you know? I wanted to get some information on how to pray for her specifically. Now I’m also praying for her protection from the 27 guys that liked her new Facebook profile picture.”
2. “Dude, I just got your report and was wondering why you uninstalled your accountability software at 2:47am and reinstalled it at 4:12am.”
“Um, I was running an update on my computer. I can’t sleep at night until I know that my Adobe software is up to date.”
3. “Yo brah, I just got your report. You spent 27 hours on Pinterest this week, I’m concerned.”
“What, a man can’t be creative anymore? Plus, Jon Acuff is on Pinterest!”
4. “Brosef, I just got your report. Why were you browsing massage services on Craigslist?”
“Um, I’ve been training for a marathon and my muscles are sore man!
5. “Dude, I just got your report. You are a grown man. Why did you Google ‘How to snort a noodle up your nose and pull it out your mouth?’
“I’m going on a date next week. I want to make a good first impression.”
I won’t tell you which of these questions I asked, and which were asked of me. I’m just saying it can get awkward. And P.S., the Safe Eyes internet filter has saved my life many times. If you’re thinking about getting one, you should. But don’t send your reports to me. It’s gonna be awkward when we meet each other for the first time.
Also, I don’t struggle with lust myself. My pastor recommended I get an internet filter to help me clear up this nasal congestion. It’s allergy season.
(John Crist is a standup comedian from Denver, Colorado. He’ll come tell jokes at your church Christmas party. Book him here or follow him on Twitter.)
January 24, 2013
The Christian Password
I saw this sign at a business recently and it made me wonder: Is this something a lot of Christians do?
I know we do this with our email addresses and Twitter names. How many times have you seen someone with the email “DaughteroftheKing@Gmail.com?”
But a WiFi password? That’s next-level technology theology.
So, without saying what your password is, please answer this question in the comments:
“Are any of your passwords in life holy?”
January 23, 2013
Quit asking fear for permission.
Lately, I’ve had a lot of fun finding images that folks have created with ideas I’ve shared online. It feels like a fun collaboration whenever that happens.
I found one I really loved, and it reminded me of something I often need to be reminded of.
We tend to spend too much time conversing with fear.
We give it too many votes at the table of life, too much power in our decisions, too many words in our decisions.
But as I wrote before and, as Libby visually interpreted, we need to quit asking fear for permission.
[image error]
Source: Uploaded by user via Libby on Pinterest
January 22, 2013
Why are you so unhappy?
Because you’ve never written to a missionary.
Why are missionaries unhappy? Because they are required by congregational law to wear that hat/shorts combo with one quitter sock.
January 21, 2013
New.
A note I wrote myself for days that I get stuck trying to force better instead of receiving new.
