Jon Acuff's Blog, page 78

Christian Limericks

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen Pepper.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Christian Limericks

Throughout the Psalms, David exhorts us to sing a new song to the Lord. Have you ever noticed though how we never sing limericks in

church?

I thought I’d fix that, so here are 7 limericks that could be well suited to the Message Poetry Version (MPV) of the Bible:

There was a man in the wilderness called John

Who wasn’t sure Jesus was God’s son

He’d turned water into wine

And as a Baptist that wasn’t fine

So he was worried the Messiah was a con

There once was a king called David

Who wasn’t proud of something he did

With a chick he got some lovin’

She got a bun in her oven

So to fix things her husband he got rid

There once was a man named Noah

Whose neighbors couldn’t sink any lower

One of the ark’s best features

Was being so close to the creatures

But he tried to steer clear of the boa

There was a couple called Adam and Eve

Who did something you wouldn’t believe

They ate the wrong fruit

And were given the boot

So out of Eden they had to leave

There once was a guy called Daniel

But praying to Darius he wouldn’t play ball

As a result of his defiance

He was thrown in with some lions

So God made sure that they were full

There once was a guy named Habukkuk

Who ended up writing a book

That part of the Bible never gets quoted

As everyone has duly noted

That spelling his name correctly takes luck

Balaam had a donkey who gave out some sass

After an angel would not let them pass

Balaam told him to go

But his donkey said no

So Balaam felt like a bit of an ass

I’d love to read your own Christian limericks in the comments!

(For more great writing from Stephen, check out his blog.)

Giving up social media for Lent.

The only thing Christians like more than the Internet is taking a break from it. A digital fast if you will, where you swear off the Internet or a particular flavor of social media for Lent.

But how do you do it? What are the rules? How do you take a really good, really helpful digital fast? The Bible is very thin on the best way to wean yourself off of a Twitter addiction. Not once does Peter say, “Follow me on Twitter, I’m @Rock.” Or better yet for all you old school rap fans out there, @PeteRock.”

So today I thought it might be good for us to review the 7 steps you need to take before a digital fast.

Step 1: Go online crazy.

Unless you’re online all the time, it’s really not a big, dramatic deal for you to go offline. So the first thing you’re going to want to do is make sure you’re online 24 hours a day. Tweet everything that happens to you, no matter how insignificant. “Just ate a sandwich. Ever thought about that word? It has ‘sand’ in it. That would be gross if they really have sand in them.” Change your Facebook status roughly every 90 seconds. Update your blog as frequent as Lowell said something dumb in the television program “Wings.” (Old school topical!)

Step 2: Write a blog post about taking a digital fast.

The irony of writing online about how you are going to take some time off being online is so rich it’s like a delicious sandwich spread made of boysenberry and irony. Technically, the Bible says we’re not supposed to tell people when we fast. Maybe posts on your blog don’t count. Maybe.

Step 3: Start a Twitter countdown.

Every day, in the week leading up to your digital fast, tell people how many days until you take your digital fast. Or start a group on Facebook called “Friends taking a break from Facebook.” The goal is to make sure you get as much attention possible about your very private, very personal digital fast.

Step 4: Go offline.

For a predetermined amount of time, just log off. Don’t check email or fantasy sports scores or Facebook or anything else. And say things like this to your friends, “Oh man, I know how smokers feel when they quit. This is hard.”

Step 5: After a week, go back online.

Make a triumphant return. Maybe write a blog with a headline from Eminem, “Guess who’s back, back again? Guess who’s back? Tell a friend!” Jump back online with both feet.

Step 6: Share the valuable lessons you learned while on your digital fast.

Turn three days offline into 10 days of blog material. Try to use the words, “community” and “fellowship” a lot, as if you suddenly discovered the real meaning of those during your 72 hour hiatus. If possible, post photos of you doing non-digital things, like flying a kite or tickling puppies named Shadow in parks crawling with sunshine bright daisies.

Step 7: Return right back to your pre-digital fast amount of online consumption.

This wasn’t about learning or praying or anything like that. This was about digital showmanship. You were like an Internet David Blaine holding your breath offline for three days straight. Return to the Internet like David Blaine would return to dating models after a three-day hiatus in a solid block of ice.

Hopefully these steps will help you with your first digital fast. I can’t wait to read all about it online and in the email newsletter you create. Just promise me you won’t do what Anne Jackson did and actually quit Facebook for legitimate reasons, or push pause on Twitter like Michael Hyatt, or my friends who legitimately give up technology for Lent. There was no drama in either of those decisions. Where’s the fun in that?

Have you or a friend ever taken a digital fast?

(This is a Throwback Thursday post)

1 secret reason folks hate Jesus.

Recently, I tweeted a photo of my friend’s book.

One person on Twitter told me they didn’t like it.

Why not?

Jesus wasn’t mentioned until something like page 149.

Now, granted, we’ve all agreed for years that real Christians name check Sweet Baby Jesus in the first 100 pages. (Check out my book Stuff Christians Like, that thing is crawling with Yahweh.)

And I’ve actually heard that comment before in a number of different ways. Sometimes people say that about books on social justice. The gospel isn’t direct enough or front and center enough. I think there are times when that feedback is justified, but we also have to be careful. The reality is that, if you want God more explicitly mentioned in books and stories, you’d probably hate Jesus. At least a little.

Have you ever read any of that guy’s stories?

Take the prodigal son for instance. Great story. Solid tale. Valuable lesson. Not one explicit mention of God in the whole thing. That is bonkers!

And the story before that is about sheep and coins.

Sheep and coins! Where’s the God love? Where’s the direct and clearly explained gospel? That is bananas!

The truth is, Jesus knew how to tell a story. He knew that sometimes you quoted the OT, or just the T in his days, and sometimes you told a tale about a son in a pig pen. Sometimes you went explicit, and sometimes you talked about talents buried in the ground.

Let’s not lose the gift of storytelling. (I hold Donald Miller responsible to bring it back like Justin Timberlake.) Let’s not lose sight of our audience. Let’s not hate on someone just because they decide to tell a parable. There was another guy who told a ton of those, and it’s OK to be like him.

The Jesus Juke Duck.

Oh, you have a rubber ducky in your bathtub? That’s nice. This is what I have. I’ll pray for you.

 

 

The 1 thing modern worship is missing.

Recently I spoke at an event where they did “traditional” worship music. What does that mean?

There aren’t lasers, and you don’t sing “Blessed be your name.” That’s about it. Cleared that up pretty quickly. You’re welcome.

But, during this classic worship, we did something I’ve missed for years in modern approaches. The echo.

Remember that?

When I was a kid, the best part of worship was when the guys and the girls would part ways. The men would sing a verse, and the women would echo or vice versa.

We used to always do this on the song “All in All.” Man, oh man, we echo chambered that song like a boss. Nowadays, though, the echo is considered as old-fashioned as the phrase “Sunday School.” (What are you, Amish?)

My biggest regret, though, is that as a kid I always thought it would be awesome to have someone echo the words I said. I wanted someone to travel with, me just quietly echoing everything I said. Can you imagine how great that would be?

Me: “I would like extra guacamole on my burrito.”

My echo: “Extra guacamole, on my burrrrrrritttoo.”

Me: “Jenny, did you just ask me if I thought Halle Berry and Rihanna were pretty? I’m not falling for that award show trap. I only have eyes for you, my Proverbs 31 lady.”

My echo: “Only have eyes, eyes, eyes, for youuuuu.”

I can’t think of a single situation where having some sort of baritone echo backing me up would be bad.

Let’s bring it back.

Less lasers, more echoes!

Question:

Does your church do the echo?

This just happened and I’m more than a little confused.

Just ate one of these. Jury is still out.

 

Christian Song Parody Writing

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Brandon Wash.  You can follow him on Twitter @bwashy. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Christian Song Parody Writing

Before you run away and hide, we know you’re out there. Yes you, the ones who rewrite secular songs with Christian lyrics. I know you exist because my dad is one of you. If it was played by an 80s hair band, you better believe that he’s thrown some Jesus in that.

Don’t be frightened. I’m a fan of the Christian song parody writer! But since I haven’t seen a tweet from the governing Christian council (does that even exist? Someone surely had to make the ruling that skinny jeans were cool for worship leaders), I’d like to formally propose some right here so we can avoid any more “I like Christian girls and I can not lie” situations:

1. It has to be relevant. As far as I’m concerned, all classic rock will forever be relevant so a little Lynyrd Skynyrd “Sweet Home up in Heaven” is perfectly acceptable. Completely relevant to our future hope. Maybe a little Bruno Mars? “Jesus caught a grenade for ya, he stood in front of a blade for ya.” Completely relevant to Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross…kind of.

2. Don’t be cheesy. We don’t need any Kiss parodies that go, “I wanna witness all night, and witness every day!” And we really don’t need some CeeLo “I saw you driving round town with the girl I love, and I’m like, I forgive you!” Let’s keep it a little higher quality than that.

3. Absolutely no Gaga. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to say this. But hey, Jon Acuff did call “50 Shades Of Grace” and sure enough it happened, so let’s outlaw Lady Gaga right here right now. I’ll give her a little credit: she’s a beast at piano, but that’s where I draw the line. Besides, no one wants to see Matt Redman in a meat dress…

4. No explicit or suggestive content. “I’ve got the moves like Jesus” is not ok.

5. Remember copyright law. Don’t go out and publish your parodies without the proper documentation. I really don’t want to be the catalyst for a Christian copyright infringement movement.

I hope that lays forward some good guidelines for all you parody writers. Together we can save us from ourselves.

What’s a song that you would rewrite?

Birds.

I once heard someone at a breakfast ask an author, “How do I experience God?”

The answer they got was not the one they expected. He told them, “Put up a birdhouse.”

The room got quiet, all of us expecting something deep and spiritual sounding. Then he continued, “When you put up a birdhouse, you connect yourself to a migratory pattern spanning thousands of miles. A dance of nature, spanning timezones and climates. You want to experience God? Look to the birds.”

It’s good advice and it’s Biblical. In Matthew 6:26 Christ tells us to, “Look at the birds of the air,”

Two weeks ago, I took up that challenge. As silly as it sounds, I decided to see more than just a bird when I saw one. I decided I would see a completely unnecessary but unbelievably beautiful reminder of God’s grace.

The next day I stumbled upon a migration of birds a mile long and a million birds deep. The sky was black and loud for minute upon minute. A few days later, I saw this video and it reminded me of the whole thing.

Want to experience God? Look at the birds.

 

A bird ballet | Music Video from Neels CASTILLON on Vimeo.

Ron Swanson at church.

If you watch the NBC show, Parks & Recreation, than you are familiar with the mustachioed antics of Ron Swanson. Little did I know he also attends church. (I didn’t create this, if you did, let me know so I can give you credit.)

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Source: Via Jon on Pinterest

 

Make sure you’re not one of these 23 people.

On April 30, I’m putting on a special event in Austin, Texas, called “Start Night.”

This intensely fun event is designed to help you learn how to punch fear in the face, escape average and do work that matters.

But maybe you’re not supposed to be there.

That’s OK, it’s not for everyone, but before you decide whether to sign up before it sells out, just make sure you’re not one of these people:

1. A college senior who doesn’t want to waste a single day at the wrong job when they graduate.

2. A stay at home mom that’s had a dream for a few years and needs a push over the edge to start it.

3. A 27 year old guy who knows exactly what his dream is but doesn’t know where to start.

4. A 27 year old guy who doesn’t have a clue what his dream is but knows he’s not doing it right now and wants to figure it out.

5. A 42 year old woman who spent 20 years working for someone else and is curious what it’d be like to work for herself.

6. The dad who has a thousand good ideas but doesn’t know which one to actually focus on.

7. A recent college graduate who keeps getting told this is the worst economy to find a job in, but knows this might be the best economy to chase a dream in.

8. A discouraged guy who wants to meet 300 people who believe in his dream.

9. A retired steel worker who has dreamt for decades about something different and now suddenly has the time to do it.

10. A lawyer who became a lawyer because everyone told her she would be an amazing lawyer and now she’s not so sure that she wants to be a lawyer.

11. A customer call center representative that loves helping people at work but also wants to help people in Uganda without quitting her job.

12. A 45 year old woman who has been running from a dream for years but it refuses to keep quiet and it’s time to really try it.

13. A young girl who started a non-profit 6 months ago and needs help figuring out how to harness all the creative ideas she has.

14. The son that was told by his parents that his dream “would never work.”

15. The 25 year old who refuses to accept that “being an adult” means being miserable at work for 40 hours a week.

16. The cynic who would never attend one of these things and thinks this list is kind of dumb but there’s a money back guarantee so if he doesn’t love it at least he didn’t spend a dollar.

17. The husband with a wife who has always believed in him more than he’s believed in himself.

18. The 62 year old who refuses to believe fear when it lies and says “it’s too late to dream.”

19. The high school student who isn’t going to wait for permission or the “right age” to dream.

20. The youth pastor who has a new dream that might take him new places.

21. The executive who knows that even people who don’t paint or play the guitar can chase a dream. Dreams aren’t just for musicians and artists.

22. The California resident who knows it’s not easy to get to Nashville but if chasing a dream was easy everyone would be doing it.

23. The person who didn’t fit a single description on this list but is coming to the conference anyway.

If that’s you, sign up today. The last one sold out and I don’t want you to miss this experience if you’re supposed to be there. (The early bird ticket is only $39 and includes a free copy of my new book “Start.”)

If that’s not you, that’s cool too. You’ve got somewhere important you’re supposed to be instead on April 30. I hope you have an amazing night wherever you are.

I’ll see 23 of you (and a whole lot of other people) in Austin, Texas soon!

Sign up here.