Bo Hoefinger's Blog, page 28

Bear Fails Pottery Class

We've all been caught in embarrassing moments, including me.

I've run into a tree, been mounted by a miniature poodle, and caught failing to wash my paws after I peed. They're momentary transgressions that we all hope will pass into the dustbin of history. Of course that assumes no pictures were taken.

Now I read about a bear, a jug and a tight squeeze…and 0h, a camera.

If you ask me it's a bit derivative of Winnie the Pooh, but WMTW claims to have the truthful story behind the picture.

...

One Tired Nelly

I don't follow the age old adage, "The early dog gets the squirrel."

I like sleep, especially in the morning. I mean, what's the point of seeing a sunrise, even if it gets me that coveted squirrel? During the chase, I'd be pining for sleep. Once I catch the rodent (yes they are rodents!) I'd think about how tired I am and let it go. Nothing's been accomplished except that I'd be more tired than when I started the day.  And that my friends, would cut into my begging time.

So I sleep in...

Einstein Thinks Small

Super size it.

That's what I tell the old man when it's chow time. Hey, it takes just as much effort to think small as it does big. Might as well go after the big prize, I say.

Apparently somebody forgot to tell God to do the same when he brought Einstein into this world.

CNM News has the full details on the little guy.

This miniature horse is just one week old and is already in the running to be the world's smallest horse. Einstein was born April 22, weighing only six pounds and standing at...

Drunk Moose Passes Out In Tree

My body is a temple.

I choose not to deliberately poison my body, so I just say NO! to alcohol and street drugs.

Of course it helps that I never liked beer, even though my old man does. I remember many moons ago he put some in a bowl and had me give it a go.

After one slurp I knew the stuff wasn't for me. It was bubbly and bitter. Kind of like Hugh Heffner's ex-wife after finding out their prenup was enforceable.

As for drugs, I like the ones that make me feel better rather than the ones...

New Record Holder for Largest Dog Ears

Hey, is that a banana in your fur suit, or are you just happy to see me?

I love that joke. It's only second in my repertoire to; How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card.

Alright, I admit it. I love corny jokes. You want some more?

Why does the Pillsbury Doughboy wear an apron?

To hide his doughnuts!

Here's another:

How do you get four giraffes into a car?

Two in the front, two in the back.

How do you get four Elephants into the car?

Make the giraffes get out.

Or h...

Bunny Needs Gamblers Annonymous

You ever notice that a lot of folks love to drink, smoke and gamble? If you don't think that's the case, all you need to do is catch a half hour of any show on A/E during prime time.

I admit my family is no different than others and have these issues.

My father is a drinker…of 3 pints of draft beer a week.

My mother is a smoker…of every dinner she's made this year.

My sister Copper is a gambler…on her farts not killing everyone in the house.

Me? I do what I want. If I want a drink, I go to...

Hedgehog Too Fat For Log

You ever get into a situation you can't get out of?

For me it's usually when I get my head stuck in the bag of cat food my parents leave out. I don't know if it's a law of nature, but my head just can't be pulled from the bag. It's like a vacuum, more Dyson than Dirt Devil, that magnetizes my head to the little pellets of goodness.

Of course there's also the figurative situation that are difficult to get out of. Like the time I got between a rock and a hard place. More specifically, between t...

Swan Dumps Tractor for Goose

We don't always get it right the first time.

When I was young, I thought I wanted to be man's best friend. Turned out I just wanted the treats.

Then there was my first encounter with cats at the animal shelter. They had me believing they were sweet, smart, wonderful creatures. I came to find out, you can't wag around these creatures without your tail being attacked.

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the first time I had to fart in public. Well, let's just say I let a solid one slip...

Cats Are Cheaters

I read the headline, stunned at its implications.

"Cat gets GED"

What's the world coming to, I thought.

As canines we're forced to go through the humiliation of continuing education classes.

First there's the good canine citizen certification and basic obedience followed by intermediate and advanced classes. Then there's the agility training and the service dog 'electives' to round out a pup's credentials.

All these requirements just to be a working class dog.

Now I find out that felines...

Llamas Top Dogs in Obedience Class

Sit. Stay.

That's the only thing I remember from my Good Canine Citizens Certification class, although I don't follow the commands today.

It makes my parents feel better about themselves when they say those two words in front of people, expecting me to obey.

After a full minute of them trying to push my booty down on the ground, it invariably ends with a comment like, "He's usually much better than this."

My parents know it's a lie, I know it's a lie, and most of all the people they're...