Bo Hoefinger's Blog, page 29

Gone Fishing for Prosthetic Leg

Some days I need to reach a little when it comes to animal stories to write about.

Today is one of those days, a mini drought in the veritable  rainforest of goofy animal happenings.

Today's topic, fishing.

Sadly, it's not about a guppy or a dolphin or a shark. Heck, it's not even about Abe Vigoda.

No, it's about a human going fishing.

It's hunting for the water crowd, but instead of taking down wild animals that can kill, it's all about throwing a string into water and hope some dumb fish...

Parrots Get In On the Identity Theft Game

Whenever I travel I make sure to bring along multiple forms of identification.

In today's Big Brother society I'm not allowed to go anywhere without my dog tag. Name, phone number and treat preference are easily read by those I let get close to me.

I also have a chip in my body somewhere, and I'm not talking about the potato chip I just took off of the old man's plate.

No, this one has an identification number on it and cross references me on some list somewhere. As far as I know I've...

Big Bird Lives With Family

I never had the opportunity to watch Sesame Street while growing up.

My formative years months were spent trying to survive in the streets and in animal shelter lock downs.

I had a rough beginning so it wasn't until I was a mature mutt that I got my first glimpse of a big, yellow bird on TV, creatively called Big Bird.

Color me unimpressed.

Is it me or does this bird get overly excited when he discovers new things?

Hey, Bird, settle down. Seven times seven has always equaled 49.

And talk...

Monkeys To Enforce Speed Limits in China

My mother got a ticket the other day for making an illegal u-turn.

Nobody saw her make it, least of all the person that broadsided her, but she was written up for it anyway.

Sure she was just making a left hand turn, and the person that hit her came from behind and hit her all the way over in the oncoming lane, but common sense has nothing to do with law enforcement.

It's all about generating money for Big Brother.

How else do you explain the preponderance of red light cameras that have...

Cow Gets Head Stuck In Ladder

I'm pretty handy when it comes to work around the house.

I know that sounds surprising because Chows are known to be purchasers of handyman services rather than actual doers.It must be the Golden side of me that kicks in when projects need to be tackled around the homestead.

I do it all.

I landscape by digging holes in the front, back and side yards. I'm a deck specialist, chewing on support beams to give them the contoured, sleek look I like. I spruce up drab walls with my tail whenever a...

Dog Jumps From Plane – Survives

I'm not much of a risk taker…anymore.

At my age, I prefer the comforts of a soft bed and a body fitting pillow over a death dash with local traffic.

Let's be honest, if I were in a hostage situation (ahem…Dog Day Afternoon, anyone?), I'd be released first, before the women and children. I guess that's just the nature of growing old.

An old dog can learn new tricks, it's just that he (me!) doesn't want to.

Really, I can't be bothered to be out there in the real world, trying new things.

For...

Orangutans Deliver Bicycle Safety Message

I am afraid of monkeys.

Look at recent news events and you'll quickly discover why. It's quite apparent one face isn't enough for them. They want yours too.

For a lot of people this isn't a problem since they have two, but for me, I don't know what I'd do without my money maker.

I understand there's a variety of monkeys, just as there is a variety of dogs. There are the organ grinders, the sky scraper climbing gorillas, and the ones with bad haircuts that make music to match.

The monkey...

Cow Fails To Jump Over the Moon – Hits Car Instead

My old man grew up next to a farm.

He took me back there once. I was amazed by how many cows roamed the countryside.

At first glance, it appeared the bovine class had the perfect life: large open spaces to run around in, a pond for swimming, and so much poop you couldn't smell it all in one day.

What a life!

Then I saw the uglier side.

They live in shacks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some uppity dog who places a value on a species based on where they live or what kind of car they get driven a...

Tweet You – Birds Trade Insults In Song

Yo, what up dog?

That's my attempt at putting out a gangsta image. You know, make me more Rotty than Yorkie.

Of course I can always up my street cred by showing disrespect ('dissing' as the pups bark these days) for cats. It also helps if I wear my fur suit around my ankles.

Instead of chasing cats at my advanced age, I throw verbal barbs at them. Things like, "Is that a Kong in your pocket or are you just happy to see me," and "Yo mamma is so ugly, her face would stop the Purina Gravy...

Bat Takes Delta Flight – Not Charged Baggage Fee

My old man isn't manly.

Last night he sat me down and told me of the time he was under attack from a bat. Not a baseball bat, but one of those things that swoops down on you at dusk.

Apparently he, and his two roommates, were watching TV when a bat suddenly flew into the room. Where it came from nobody knew.

When it appeared each of them scrambled about, climbing over each other to get to the door, all the while screaming like little school girls.

These were strong young men in their early...