Bo Hoefinger's Blog, page 30

Chicken Attacks Mailman Looking For Seed Money

I don't have much respect for mail carriers.

That may sound harsh to some, but it's part of my DNA.

The animosity goes back to the beginning of time. Back to the days we protected the opening of our owner's cave. Even then, when Kliff came to deliver stone letters sent from afar, he'd taunt us by throwing Brontosaurus bones at our muzzles.

Yes, the same Brontosaurus bones that are as deadly to dogs as grapes are.

Things haven't changed much since then. But maybe they should.

As I type this...

Council Dictates Poo To Be Colored Orange

I'm an artist.

I strive to create something wonderful and special every day, and no, I'm not talking about the words I type on this blog. Granted, it's prose Shakespeare would be proud of, but it's really my second calling.

My first calling? Sculpting.

To be more precise, forming my poo into works of art.

On days where I don't feel inspired, I'll usually create my mass market favorite, The Dairy Queen Swirl. On other days I might create The Coffee Log or The Snake or my favorite, The...

Foiled Scooby Doo Carjacking

There are some things that a dog holds sacred.

His bowl, his hydrant and his heroes.

Before you get any ideas about who falls into the latter category, rest assured few, if any humans reside there. It is strictly reserved for the likes of Rin-Tin-Tin, Cujo and Scooby Doo.

Yeah that's right, Scooby Freakin' Doo.

That hound had more guts than a slaughter house on a Friday afternoon. Doo stared fear in the eye until it blinked. There was no ghost he wouldn't chase, and if it wasn't for his...

Cat Begs Like A Dog

We've all heard the arguments between humans about what the better pet is; dogs or cats.

We all know on which side of the line I fall on, I'm a mutt after all. Don't get me wrong, there are some cats I'll give the time of day to. Most notably my sisters Moose and Mothball,but that's no reason to lose our heads and make a poor choice of companion.

If you want to change my mind, you'll have to do something special. Well, like this cat.

Any cat that begs like a dog can't be all bad.

If you...

Horse Grows Moustache – Decides To Keep It

My old man like's to grow facial hair.

It's not because it makes him look good or dangerous.  It's because he's lazy.

He shaves once a week whether he needs it or not. Sadly, he's got the same regiment when it comes to showering.

My mother isn't a fan. Thank god, because if she were she'd blow his smell my way (Get it, she's a fan!).  A dog can only handle so many nasty smells before he passes out. By all accounts, I'd never wake up.

About the only thing my father is diligent about is...

Flying Saucer Powered By Mutts

There are bad apples in every barrel.

Yes, even in the barrel that is the canine world. We have angry dogs, mean dogs and yes, stupid dogs.  They all have one thing in common, they make all of us look bad.

Sadly, the Jack Russell Terriers in this video think we're the stupid ones. C'mon, the old flying saucer trick? This isn't an episode of the Brady Bunch you know.

 

Female Moose Manipulate Males

Women control men, bitches control neutered dogs, and hens always peck their proud roosters.

It's been that way since the first male fish walked out of the water only to hear, "Don't you walk away from me in the middle of an argument!" from his fish wife.

The feminine side always outwits, outsmarts and outclasses  their masculine counterparts. Sure they're physically smaller, but their brains are oh so much larger. As are their memories.

Take for instance my mother. Do you think she's ever...

Cat Impersonates Michael Jackson

Don't get it.

That's all I can say about this video. A talentless cat, with no grace whatsoever, gets big You Tube hits? On top of that, this feline tap dances on the tragedy that is Michael Jackson. Has it no shame?

No. No it doesn't.

Dog Loses To Rock In Mental Chess Match

One of my favorite quotes, "Some days you're the dog and some days you're the hydrant" comes to mind as I watch this video.

What at first seems like fun turns into a mini version of Groundhog's Day.

Bad rock! Never learned Sit! Stay!
If you don't see the video, click here.

Cease and Desist Order To Bunny Suit Wearing Man

Longtime readers of this blog, and the fabulous book Bad to the Bone: Memoir of a Rebel Doggie Blogger, know I love to dress up during Halloween.

Just take a look at the picture in the header of this blog. No, not the Amazon advertisement, but to the left, that handsome dog in the Darth Vader outfit. That's right, that's me, not some overpaid dog model.

I've been many things over the years ranging from a pumpkin monster, a gay cowboy and a dinosaur with a caveman on his back. I love to dress ...