Bo Hoefinger's Blog, page 27

Duck Out of Water

I heart all baked goods.

During Christmas I always enjoy my mother's demented, serial killing gingerbread men, her  leaning tower of Pisa pound cake, and most of all the sugar cookies she buys from the Publix bakery.

Overall, I'd say my favorites are peanut butter cookies, liver flavored cupcakes and bone marrow muffins. MMM, mmm, good.

Of course my cullinary exploration must stop at the border of Chocolate City. Many a pup has ventured in, but not one has come out.

Maybe that's where the...

Cat Thinks It's a Chick

I'm not sure what I want to become when I grow up.

Yeah I know time is running out, with me being 17 and all, but once you give up on your dream there's not much left.

So here's a partial list of what I'd like to become:

1) Firehouse dog

2) A father

3) First dog to catch the Chuck Wagon

4) Head of household on the family's tax return

To some my goals  may seem unachievable but as I like to think, if you aren't stretching, you're shrinking.

Yet to others my goals appear modest. To those...

A Bright Idea

My mother is a candle freak.

No, I mean it. She lights candles in every room of the house, presumably for the smell. She must be heavily invested in Yankee Candle stock.

One thing's for sure, she doesn't light them to get my old man in a romantic mood. Heck, to him a night of romance is eating a rack of bbq ribs, watching Dumb and Dumber, and farting under the covers.

His repertoire lacks lit candles. You'll find nothing flickering in the bedroom, or  around the bath tub, or in between my...

True Silver Blanket Review

My sleep number is 7.

At my age, soft and cushy gets the job done.

Truth be told I don't really have a sleep number, just a hand me down bed I let my parents share with me. There's no telling the amount of dead skin cells, human hair and microscopic critters I'm forced to lay on every night.

So imagine how excited I was when I was contacted by a representative of  Sleep Number® to see if I'd be interested in reviewing their True Silver Blanket.

For those not in the know, this is a blanket...

Jackass Runs For Mayor

The world of politics is filled with jackasses.

That's the only way to make sense of what's going on in the world today.

I'm not going to get into my personal beliefs on how to cure the world's ills, just know that I have a plan, and that plan would save the world from itself.

Why not share it? Well, I'm too tired to spread the word.

So, for now, I'll sit back and watch the world continue down its ruinous path. I can only hope that a few rays of sunshine turn into a sunny day and all will be ...

Gelding Forced to Adopt Ducks

As I wrote in my book, Bad to the Bone: Memoir of a Rebel Doggie Blogger, you don't have much of a choice as to who adopts you.

Even a fun loving, outgoing and lovable mutt like me had to have a couple of goes at it before landing my forever folks, but I was lucky.

Imagine being a duck and being adopted by a horse. That's right, an equine.

That got me to thinking, what if that was me in that situation? How much fun could cuddle time be if I'm worried about my safety? Let's be honest, once...

Snake Can't Kick Cigarette Habit

Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. It's a sure path to ruin.

I don't partake in any of it. Heck, I won't even consider the gateway activity to getting there. You know, smoking.

Sure I get peer pressure to take a toke on a Virginia Slim or a Marlboro Light, but no matter how much Ruger the boxer insists, I just won't inhale.

The reason is simple. If I'm  going to inhale something that isn't healthy, it's going to be a Whopper from BK, or dare I say it, a Big Mac from McDees. Yeah life expectancy is ...

Superdog Flies Over NY

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have super powers? You know, the ability to do something really special.

A dog's well documented skill set includes super smelling senses, super gulping power and super poo that heals the young. But what if that's not enough for us, if we want to be better than that?

I know what I'd want. I would add to my repertoire x-ray vision, if only to see under the flirtatious Shaggy Dog's coat that prances around my neighborhood. I know that sounds...

Parrots Imitate Dogs – Steal Their Jobs

When it comes to the economy, it's tough out there.

Many a working dog just can't find a job these days. Fortunately for me, I'm retired, but of the four other dogs in our house, only one has a job.

Copper is over sixty, so I can see where she's not employable. She gets a pass. Put her in the category of "stopped looking for a job" and take her out of the official statistics like the government does.

Kensy is educated out the wazoo. He holds a Good Canine Citizen Degree, as well as advanced c...

Dog Toots His Own Horn

Damn it's been hot down here in Georgia lately. I hear the whole east coast hasn't fared much better.

Thank goodness for air conditioning. Whatever you do, don't listen to those nutbags that want us to stop using it.

There are times when we do need to leave the comfy confines of our homes, and as dogs we can only hope our owners are careful to monitor our heat index when out and about in the family car.

I probably shouldn't bark this, but if it's too hot our owners may want to reconsider...