Mark Sheldon's Blog: Mark Sheldon's Dossier of Flayed Cliches, page 21

Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Somebody once told me I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.  As you know, I've taken a lot of bad advice from people in the past, so I decided that, for once, I was not going to fall for their trap.  So I phoned up a rich relative and told them that I wanted a horse for my birthday, and upon receipt of said gift, I looked that horse straight in the mouth.  And that no-good-son-of-a-mare bit me right on the nose.  Apparently some people's advice is worth paying attention to...

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The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

Someone once told me that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  I pointed out that that isn't necessarily true.  If a heavy wind is blowing, or if the apple tree hangs over a cliff, the apple can fall quite far from the tree.  He stammered at me for several seconds, then stalked away.  I guess he must have failed high school physics...

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Like this quote and others from Mark Sheldon's Dossier of Flayed Cliches? Why not wear it? All daily Flayed Cliches are now being made available as T-shirts in men's and women's sizes at Mark Sheldon's Spreadshirt store!

Note: The Flayed Cliche of the Day may not always be available until a few hours after it's been posted, so if you can't find it yet, check back later!

Don't Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch

Someone once told me that I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch.  I took his advice and waited until after they'd hatched to count them, and you know what? Those little buggers practically pecked my fingers off.  That was when I decided that I really wasn't that interested in being a chicken farmer, after all.

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Like this quote and others from Mark Sheldon's Dossier of Flayed Cliches? Why not wear it? All daily Flayed Cliches are now being made available as T-shirts in men's and women's sizes at Mark Sheldon's Spreadshirt store!

Note: The Flayed Cliche of the Day may not always be available until a few hours after it's been posted, so if you can't find it yet, check back later!

Cry Wolf

Someone once told me that I shouldn't cry wolf.  I looked at him oddly, because A) I wasn't crying at all; 2) I hadn't said anything about a wolf; III) I had been trying to warn him, for the third day in a row, that the Hands of Blue were coming for him.  Some people just let their imaginations run away with them...

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Curiosity Killed the Cat

Someone once told me that curiosity killed the cat.  I pointed out that, technically speaking, it wasn't curiosity at all but the truck that had been coming down the road when the cat went out to explore newfound territory.

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Like this quote and others from Mark Sheldon's Dossier of Flayed Cliches? Why not wear it? All daily Flayed Cliches are now being made available as T-shirts in men's and women's sizes at Mark Sheldon's...

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

A co-worker once told me that I shouldn't cry over spilled milk. Shows what he knows - for every drop of spilled milk, there's an innocent baby cow that's starving. Every starving baby cow means more veal.  I don't like veal.  So, I think that spilled milk is definitely worth crying over.

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Cock and Bull Story

Someone once accused me of telling him a cock and bull story.  Naturally I was rather confused by this, as the story I had told him did not concern neither a cock nor a bull, but a French nun who, according to the papers, ran off and had a sordid affair with an Irish belt maker after they had both been abducted by intoxicated aliens who had gotten lost on their way to an intergalactic party on Pluto, where they were fully expecting to get it on with some spicy Flugelarlians, and were quite...

Close but no Cigar

A friend and I were once playing Battleship.  I called out "B-5."  He replied, "Close, but no cigar."  I told him that I wasn't looking for a cigar, I was looking for his submarine, and that if he tried to smoke that little piece of plastic I would expect that he would be sorely disappointed.  He looked at me oddly, and then walked away, right in the middle of our game.  Some people can be such poor-losers.

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Chip on Shoulder

Someone once told me that he suspected I had a chip on my shoulder.  I checked both of my shoulders very carefully, and found no signs of any chip crumbs, so I told him, "No, but I do have a bag of Dorritos, if you want some."  He looked at me suspiciously, then walked away.  I guess he preferred Lays.

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Chewed Out

A friend in college once complained to me about how her boyfriend had chewed her out over something the night before.  I told her that really wasn't something to complain about, and that I really didn't need to hear about the details of her sex life, anyway.  Some people are just way too open about their personal lives.

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Like this quote and others from Mark Sheldon's Dossier of Flayed Cliches? Why not wear it? All daily Flayed Cliche...