Susan Mary Malone's Blog: Happiness is a Story, page 13

Why do We Think We Need to be Happy all the Damn Time?

Or think positive?  Or vision, exactly, our successes?

Isn’t this just mood making?

Gabriele Oettingen, Professor of Psychology at New York University and the University of Hamburg, focuses her research on how people think about the future, and how this impacts cognition, emotion, and behavior.  Her book, Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, debunks a lot of the common wisdom about being happy and positive and daydreaming about goals.

While acknowledging that optimism can help to alleviate suffering, and can help us to persevere in challenging times, just dreaming about the future in reality makes people more frustrated and unhappy over the long term.  What’s more stark is that these folks are less likely to achieve their goals.

Say what?  Doesn’t this fly in the face of all we’ve been told the last few decades?

Oettingen’s studies have proven that the pleasure gained from positive fantasies allows for virtual wish fulfillment, which actually saps our energy to perform the hard task of facing and working through challenges, which is what causes us to achieve real-life goals.

In other words, that vision board ain’t gonna get you anywhere without well-planned-out action steps toward it.

And some of that includes acknowledging disappointments and failures as you act, work, and master the skills to get you there.

Oettingen’s research is not only groundbreaking, but she draws on her large-scale scientific studies as well, and introduces “mental contrasting”—which combines our dreams and the obstacles within us that keep us from achieving our goals.  Not the obstacles outside of ourselves, but those that are strictly under our own control—and that we can change.

In other words, take a real-life assessment of what’s standing in your way, and make a plan to fix it.

Or, not.  Oettingen sees no shame in taking off the rose-colored glasses, assessing whether you can reach your goal, and if not, letting it go.  Which frees up all that energy to then focus on an attainable goal—and one that might be a much better fit with you and your life.

This mental contrasting, as she calls it, just takes an unfettered view of the goal and the obstacles so that you can then make a wise decision about whether to continue, or to abort and dream a new dream.

She calls her action method WOOP—Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan.

First you define your wish, what you want to achieve, etc.  Then, you visualize the outcome—how it would make you feel, what the effects on your life would be.  What is the obstacle within you that keeps you from achieving this?  Is it surmountable?  If so, you formulate a plan to do so—working on that thing that you can improve about you.

Although this isn’t so entirely different from positive thinking, from being happy all the time, what it does do is to take off those rose-colored glasses and get real about what you want and if you can achieve it.

Oettingen showed that the people in her studies, using this mental-contrasting tool, have become significantly more motivated to quit smoking, lose weight, get better grades, formulate fulfilling relationships, and negotiate more effectively in the workplace.

In short, dream your dreams then plan and work like hell to attain them. 

Didn’t we always know this would work?  

All emotions have their places in our lives.  To deny the negative ones just stuffs them down.  Being honest with oneself is always the best policy.

But that doesn’t mean to quit being happy or positive either.

As Oettingen says, after all of this research proved her theories:

“The solution isn’t to do away with dreaming and positive thinking. Rather, it’s making the most of our fantasies by brushing them up against the very thing most of us are taught to ignore or diminish: the obstacles that stand in our way.”

How do you achieve your dreams?

 

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How To Be Brave And Confident When You Don’t Want To

And we all run into that brick wall of not wanting to.

You know the feeling—when you’ve been pursuing some goal, chasing a dream, and it just seems as though doors keep closing in your face.  Or, you keep failing at whatever task you’re trying to master.  Or your competition, foe, antagonist, whatever lies before you just looms like a monster in your path.

Those days when life seems, well, just bigger than you are.

We all have those times.

We also know that when they show up, we have two choices—to forge ahead, or quit.

Because life is never stagnant, and when you do nothing, the tides sweep you swiftly and surely out to sea.

So what to do when the obstacle seems insurmountable, but you know you have to face it anyway?

5 Keys for how to be Brave and Confident in any Situation:

Stop and breathe.

Get to the stillness of your core, where wisdom and strength and courage lie.  Because they are there, in all of us.  Buried, perhaps, under all the muck accrued through the living of life, but there nevertheless.  Some have greater measures of these virtues than others, but that’s almost always due to having fought more battles in the first place.

Remember when you’ve faced similar foes (even though those might have been in different circumstances or endeavors).

Because you’ve fought some good fights, no?  Everyone has succeeded somewhere in life, so take the time to draw on those victories.  Feel how that felt.  Go back to the time when you mastered that task, and really feel it.  Smell it, taste it, hear what happened around you.

Re-experiencing the emotions surrounding previous success is key.  Not only does doing so flood you with feel-good hormones, but you remember into the cells of your body that yep, by god, you have succeeded before.

Remember that to “fail,” to “be afraid,” to want to run at times is part and parcel of being human. Very few (if any) people are born being brave.  It’s a learned trait.  And you learn it by being afraid in the first place.  If nothing ever scared you, you wouldn’t have had to learn to be brave.

As Morihei Ueshiba, a martial artist and founder of the Japanese martial art of Aikido said, “Iron is full of impurities that weaken it; through forging, it becomes steel and is transformed into a razor-sharp sword.  Human beings develop in the same fashion.”

Marshall your forces.

What traits do you already have that serve you well in this circumstance?  What are the ones that you still need to learn/master?

Just the act of breaking this down into parts brings courage.  Because you already have learned much on this path of life, no?  You bring to the table the tools and weapons forged through the experiences that have made you who you are today.

And if you’ve learned before, you can again now.  So identify what’s missing on your quest, and make a plan to master the skills still needed.

Redirect and reframe.

Take all of that fearful energy (which is powerful indeed) and redirect it to the task at hand.  Reframe your thoughts of “I may fail.  This is scary,” etc., to “You know what?  I just may succeed here.”

Because until you try, you can’t possibly know that you’ll fail. 

As author and publisher of The Daily Motivator Ralph Marston said, “You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination. ”

How do you face the tiger at the gate?

 

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How to be Brave and Confident when You don’t Want to

And we all run into that brick wall of not wanting to.

You know the feeling—when you’ve been pursuing some goal, chasing a dream, and it just seems as though doors keep closing in your face.  Or, you keep failing at whatever task you’re trying to master.  Or your competition, foe, antagonist, whatever lies before you just looms like a monster in your path.

Those days when life seems, well, just bigger than you are.

We all have those times.

We also know that when they show up, we have two choices—to forge ahead, or quit.

Because life is never stagnant, and when you do nothing, the tides sweep you swiftly and surely out to sea.

So what to do when the obstacle seems insurmountable, but you know you have to face it anyway?

5 Keys for how to be Brave and Confident in any Situation:

Stop and breathe.

Get to the stillness of your core, where wisdom and strength and courage lie.  Because they are there, in all of us.  Buried, perhaps, under all the muck accrued through the living of life, but there nevertheless.  Some have greater measures of these virtues than others, but that’s almost always due to having fought more battles in the first place.

Remember when you’ve faced similar foes (even though those might have been in different circumstances or endeavors).

Because you’ve fought some good fights, no?  Everyone has succeeded somewhere in life, so take the time to draw on those victories.  Feel how that felt.  Go back to the time when you mastered that task, and really feel it.  Smell it, taste it, hear what happened around you.

Re-experiencing the emotions surrounding previous success is key.  Not only does doing so flood you with feel-good hormones, but you remember into the cells of your body that yep, by god, you have succeeded before.

Remember that to “fail,” to “be afraid,” to want to run at times is part and parcel of being human. Very few (if any) people are born being brave.  It’s a learned trait.  And you learn it by being afraid in the first place.  If nothing ever scared you, you wouldn’t have had to learn to be brave.

As Morihei Ueshiba, a martial artist and founder of the Japanese martial art of Aikido said, “Iron is full of impurities that weaken it; through forging, it becomes steel and is transformed into a razor-sharp sword.  Human beings develop in the same fashion.”

Marshall your forces.

What traits do you already have that serve you well in this circumstance?  What are the ones that you still need to learn/master?

Just the act of breaking this down into parts brings courage.  Because you already have learned much on this path of life, no?  You bring to the table the tools and weapons forged through the experiences that have made you who you are today.

And if you’ve learned before, you can again now.  So identify what’s missing on your quest, and make a plan to master the skills still needed.

Redirect and reframe.

Take all of that fearful energy (which is powerful indeed) and redirect it to the task at hand.  Reframe your thoughts of “I may fail.  This is scary,” etc., to “You know what?  I just may succeed here.”

Because until you try, you can’t possibly know that you’ll fail. 

As author and publisher of The Daily Motivator Ralph Marston said, “You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination. ”

How do you face the tiger at the gate?

 

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How to quickly know if it is Fear or Instinct Driving you

Just yesterday one of my editorial writers corresponded when she received her edited manuscript and critique.  That’s always a bit overwhelming for writers, but she said the magic words: “I hear what you’re saying about this one chapter, but my gut instinct is I need it.”

And my response was, “Absolutely follow your gut instinct!” 

The chapter needs reworking and she understood that.  Something required for the storyline.  But it didn’t come across on the page.

The point being, although the essence got lost in translation, deep inside she knew the book needed it.

And that sort of intuition is never ever wrong.

The trick is of course in any situation, especially creative endeavors, to actually be able to discern between that instinct and fear.  Because they can sure feel similar at times.

Once you get the hang of the process though, this becomes easier and easier to do.

Fear always comes across as a loud voice.  It’s the one that screams at you right off the bat to run this way or that.  Go do something!  And stress hormones accompany it—the kind that causes your heart to race, your nerves to tingle.  The old fight-or-flight response.

The voice of intuition whispers in the quiet recesses of your mind.  It settles in your solar plexus (thus, the “gut” instinct).   And it doesn’t go away. 

Fear belongs to the ego.  For writers, it manifests as resistance to change.  “I don’t want to ax that passage!  Some of my most beautiful prose is there.”

We hear this all the time

Takes courage to be a writer.  You do have to be willing and able to kill your babies.  And fear will surely scream loudly that doing so would be wrong!

But as in this and any situation, a way exists to sort through the differences between fear and gut instinct.

Do these 3 things:

Take a deep breath.

Calm all of those racing (and redundant) thoughts.  Still your mind, just for a bit.  Otherwise fear will manifest in myriad ways to keep you from being able to hear the wisdom within.

Take stock of your physical reactions.

Is your heart racing?

Is your mind still trying to whirl?

Are you ready to jump out of your skin?

If so, then you have fear snarling in your ear.  May mean that you do have something to be afraid of here, although this is not the time to make decisions!

But if you’ve calmed down and the voice is quieter, if you’re “hearing” in whispers, then by all means—listen . . .

Is the sentiment persistent?

With writing especially, if a nagging sense that something needs changing persists, then it does.

Often writers say to me things such as, “I keep thinking I need to add a scene about . . .”  Or, “I just know in my gut this character holds more importance to the story than I’m giving him.”  Or any variety on the theme.

And if that’s the case, then it truly is your intuition guiding you through the dark waters. Listen to it and act.

We’ve used writing as the example here (since that’s where I am all day every day :)), but this method works with anything, from deciding whether to go on that blind date to taking a job across the country.  Your intuition, that gut instinct, knows the answer.

Within everyone lives an all-knowing wisdom, a deep instinct that will always steer you in the direction best for you.  Beneath the monkey-mind ego, beneath all of the fears and hopes and dreams and sorrows, lives this wonderful guidance system, whispering to be heard. 

Listen closely.  And follow.

As Albert Einstein said, “The only real valuable thing is intuition.”

 

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You Really Should Pat Yourself on the Back Today

Especially first thing in the morning, and last before going to sleep.

It’s easy to wake up with negative thoughts, no?  And for sure if you’re not an “Oh, what a beautiful morning!” type of person.  Because you probably woke up grumbling to begin with.

Ah, to stay in that wonderful bed would be so nice . . .

I know people who wake up singing.  I’m just not one of them.  Get me some coffee and all that changes, but right off the bat . . . well.

And if I don’t get a handle on the negative to begin, things can sure spiral downward in a hurry.

So the first thing I do (after letting out dogs!) to avoid negative thinking is to consciously set my mind right.  Sounds easy, no?  And often it is.

Sometimes it takes a bit more work.  So right off the bat, my focus becomes about gratitude.

Thank you for another day.

Thank you that the sun is shining.  Or rain is falling.

Thank you for . . .

Things always exist to be grateful for.  Count five of them (even if through gritted teeth) as you do your morning routine, and even before that first cup of coffee you’ll find a smile.

Setting the mind in the right direction to begin the day pays enormous dividends.  You can then pat yourself on the back for caring for you as well.

And as the day progresses, that gratitude list will arise when you most need a boost.

Then right before retiring, give yourself a big pat on the back.  Count the blessings of the day.  And most importantly, thank yourself for the things you did well.  Yep, some mistakes were bound to occur.  Wish I woulda done it this way.  Wish I hadn’t of said that.  Wish . . .

But now is not the time for that.  You probably beat yourself up when it happened anyway!

Now is the time to acknowledge the goodness in you, your strengths, the kindness that you showed, the task that you did well.

Because a funny thing about the subconscious mind—it hears that.  And right before bed, when you’re going into dreamland, you want to give that subconscious positive images to dwell upon through the night.

It’s working overtime then—when you’re conscious mind is at rest.

And you’ve just given it positive food to build on, like some sort of osmoses in your sleep.

We know the secret of happiness, no?

To live in love rather than fear.  And a big way to do that is through gratitude.  Gratitude for your creator (whatever you believe that to be), for another day to be alive, and as importantly, for the you and the life you are creating.

You are important to this world.  Remember and honor that, and there is no limit to what you can achieve, and the happiness you can find.

We need your gifts.  And in order to give them effectively, we need you to be the best you that you can be.

Even Groucho Marx used this prescription!  And he certainly made a gazillion people happy:

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”   The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

 

How do you reward yourself?

 

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Old Habits Die Hard but I Swear I will Kill this One

Are you working on breaking a habit?

That seems perpetual sometimes, no?  I mean, we can always improve.  And that improvement comes down to working on habits of the mind. Because of course, that’s where they live.

I was a born skeptic.  At least, I can never remember a time in this lifetime when I wasn’t one.  I question, well, literally everything.

It took me a long time (a very long time, actually) to believe that keeping an upbeat attitude would pay dividends.  I just had no natural inclination for this.  And enough horror happened in childhood that the old “Life’s a bitch and then you die” got cemented into my brain.

Even as I grew through life and good things did happen (who knew!), I always watched over my shoulder for what bad would come next.  Because I just knew it would arrive like drought follows rain.

Not a terribly effective way to live your life!  But I could wallow in whatever misery and say, “See!  I told you the bad would appear!”

And then as life rambled along, I started to also see that there was actually a better way.  Not everybody thought in this manner, and behold and lo—their lives were better for it.

A lot of folks would say (as I did once) that their attitudes are more positive because their lives are just better for some ethereal reason.

But I found this not to be the case.  In fact, many people focused on living with a positive attitude have had far more horrible things happen to them than have happened to me.

I wasn’t in that Nazi concentration camp with Viktor Frankl.  His work centered around finding meaning—no matter what—and the folks who did were more upbeat and positive.  Including himself.

And they made it out of the camp alive.

This got my attention.

Few of us, thank god, will have the opportunity to put our minds to a test such as surviving a concentration camp.  But that doesn’t mean that our own stinkin’ thinkin’ won’t bite our butts in myriad ways.

It sure has mine.

I tend to need practical examples of success in order to embrace any belief system. And the more I studied the effects of a positive outlook, the more examples I found.  They’re legion.

And I found that odd theory to be true as well—when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Now, I won’t get all quantum physics here, but that’s scientifically bearing out as well.  Physicists have shown that particles react differently based on the observer studying them.

Finding that also changed my life.

Not that I don’t fall back into the negative.  Old habits die hard!  Because negative thinking, disbelief, have nipped my heels all my life.

But I’m committed.  I’ve seen the change in so many people’s lives, and in my own as well.  And now, as soon as the negative arises, I stop it.

Actually, I use the same command that I do while training puppies: “Leave it.”

That just works for me   Probably because I’ve said it so many times to wayward pups that it’s meaning is cemented in my mind—just as that skepticism used to be.  Which causes an immediate, physical reaction to just stop.

Then I reality test—do I absolutely know the bad scenario is the truth?  Unless I’ve become clairvoyant, the answer is of course no.

So, I find the good outcome that can occur, and choose to focus on that.

And it works every time.

You know the craziest part about that?  Far more often than not, the positive occurrence manifests.

Just look at all the heartache I saved myself in the process.

So yep, old habits die hard.  Once thought to be killed, they come back to life like zombies from the walking dead.

That just means you’re getting somewhere 

Because even zombies can ultimately be killed.

And it all happens in the mind.

As Dr. Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

And that I know for true.

How do you slay your bad habits?

 

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Can You make Positive Thinking a Habit?

Only if you want it to work!

We know all the wonderful ways thinking positive affects us.  We’ve listed countless studies showing that those who maintain a good attitude are healthier, more successful, and just live better danged lives.

So you don’t have to undertake this as a project.  What you allow purchase in your mind is absolutely your choice.  Your emotions will follow your thoughts, and if you want to remain in the negative cycle, you surely can.

I know I do, now and then.  My friends can tell you this!  Even though I’m focused and working diligently to maintain positive energy, I backslide.

Why, just recently, I caught myself slipping into those old tapes.  But the key is, I caught myself.

I was talking to my good friend, author and fellow spiritual seeker on the path, Jinny, and mentioned this to her.

And of course, as good friends are wont to do, she said, “Didn’t we just talk about this a few weeks ago? Sitting on your deck over a glass of wine?  And we agreed you would replace the negative thoughts with positive ones as soon as they popped up?”

Yep.  Of course we did.

Old habits truly can be difficult to break.  And isn’t that a nice little meme that just showed up!  Perhaps I’ll spend some time changing that thought!

But the point being (sooner or later, I do get back to the point J), once  you set the intention to change the way you see things, backsliding can be part of the process.  In fact, this has proven true for everyone I know on this path.

So, that’s not the problem.

As with everything in life, what we do with whatever we think and feel, experience and deal with, will predict which direction we go.

How we react to life is what we will create in the future as well.

So many people have told me they think this is all bunk.  I can’t count the times I’ve heard: “I tried being positive and it didn’t work for me.”

And it won’t—if you do it and then quit.  Thinking positive, being motivated, only work if you practice them.

As Zig Ziglar said, ““People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”

If you decide you want to run a marathon, do you go out for a jog one day, have soreness the next, and decide training just didn’t work for you?  If you commit to eating healthier, fall off the wagon and have a piece of cake, do you decide your body just isn’t meant for healthy food?

Okay, that last may be a bad example, as so many diets fail this way!  But if the next day you re-commit to fruits and vegetables, you’re back on track.

Tiger Woods may have won the U.S. Amateur Championship at the tender young age of 18, but he’d been practicing since he was 2!

So why would practice work for any and every thing—except changing the stinkin’ thinkin’ going on in your brain?  Who, exactly, makes that decision?

You do.  I do.

Whether I perceive an event as the end of the world, or an opportunity to learn and then refocus on the goal, is up to no one in this Universe but me.

The event is, well, just the event.

If you believe something isn’t going to work out, all you’ll see is obstacles.  If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities.

It’s all within your own head.

I do have to smile when I realize that although yep, I fell off the wagon—again—it didn’t last long.  What would have once sent me into a tailspin of despair for weeks, lasted about 2 hours.  Because the new habits I have formed are gaining strength and prowess every single day.

And that’s the thing about backsliding—about anything—you don’t end up back at the starting line.  It’s not as if you have to begin the entire endeavor again.  Progress has been made.

You’re stronger, wiser, and better at whatever you’ve been practicing.

It’s like that marathon goal—you may fall, but when you get back up and running, you’ll still be far faster than the day you began to train.

Everything, in the end, comes down to focus and practice and committing to your goal.  That’s how any habit becomes ingrained.

And that’s how it works.

I’m quite partial the author Neville Goodard’s teachings of the mind, and how that impacts our lives.  And often come back to his saying:

“Man’s chief delusion is his own conviction that there are causes other than his own state of consciousness.”

How do you commit to your goal?

 

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You are the Woman behind Your Success, Be Proud of it

What makes a successful woman?

Of course, that means different things to different people.  And, at different ages and life stages.

But I suspect you know what success means for you, in your specific circumstance.  It’s the desire that lies buried deeply in your breast, the goal you shoot for that sometimes seems like some distant star.  What you plan for, hope for, dream of, pray about in the dark of your night. 

And of course, it’s achieved in steps.

Sometimes that road is quite long and winding, over rickety bridges across a yawning abyss.  Sometimes the path is clear-cut, lying straight and true before you, halogen lights shining the way.

Or anything in between.

In my world, success means publication—for both me and the writers I work with.  And that road is long indeed. And fairly chaotically crazy.

But it begins with the words themselves, with the people and place and how they all fit together. 

It begins with that first sentence.

One of the things I know for true, and have counseled anyone (lots of anyones!) wanting to write a book as well, is that you don’t set out to write a book.

Okay, that sounds odd, but it’s actually the heart of the matter.  A published book is surely the goal, the dream, but that’s not how you write a book.

You write it by penning the first line. And then the next.  By carving out the time and the place to write every day, on a schedule you yourself devise.  Whether that be a set number of words, or a time period, or however one does it, doesn’t matter.

The only thing that matters in the end is that you do it.

And a funny thing happens if you persist.  Through all of the stumbles and study, the small successes of a beautifully placed line, the silence and solitude, through all of it, you learn.  And as that occurs, confidence grows. 

No matter what the goal of your pursuit actually is, this tried-and true formula carries you through.  As Author Jack Canfield said:

“ The longer you hang in there, the greater the chance that something will happen in your favor. No matter how hard it seems, the longer you persist, the more likely your success.”

 

How easy it is to get stuck in the failures.  And there will be lots of them—no matter what you’re undertaking.  Some knock the wind out of you, while some just smart a bit.

The only thing that matters is that you get off the mat, dust off your behind, and start anew. 

It may help to stop, rest, and rejuvenate in whatever manner you do so, in order to build back strength and courage in your heart.  To take stock, and discern if the fork in the road is one best for you to take.

And then, step off again.

Another thing I know for true is that if a desire is firmly embedded in your heart and soul, so is the means to achieve it.  I know that sounds all new-agey flip, but it’s borne out in my life and those of close friends (I’m sure others, but close friends are the ones who tell you  )

Now, the result may look far different from what you had envisioned.  It often does.  But I’m routinely amazed at those outcomes, and how my limited mind couldn’t have foreseen the wonders of the path I had chosen.

As Dr. Seuss said, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Your job is to just say yes.  Opportunities often come masked, but come they will.  So walk through the open doors.  Bang on the ones that are shut to make sure that way is barred to you, then keep walking. One foot in front of the other.

That’s how to be successful—you keep going.

I’m fond of the poet Robert Browning’s famous words:

“Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp,

Or what’s a heaven for?”

I do believe in big dreams 

But sometimes, along the way of the dream warrior, all those successes mount up until you do grasp that brass ring. 

And you know that you’ve earned it.

How do you reach success?

 

The post You are the Woman behind Your Success, Be Proud of it appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

It was Breathtaking. And not in a Good Way

I have the world’s best friends.

You may dispute me, countering that yours take the prize.  And I won’t argue that fact 

But not only are my friends in my corner, continuously having my back, whenever necessary, in a crises, they rally to see me through.

Last Friday, many of our dog friends traveled to Austin for the Heart of Texas Labrador Specialty.

Specialties are great fun, as we all know each other. We get to visit with friends we don’t see very often (many times only at Specialties!).  And since these are much bigger and more prestigious than regular all-breed shows, we’re there all day (sometimes all weekend), with much time for relaxation and fellowship.

My girl Ellie J had a big win   Reserve Winner’s Bitch under a well-respected breeder judge in hard competition.  I’m just thrilled with her debut, and all the compliments she received.

What a fun day!  Even though we were outside in the rain.  By afternoon, the pouring rain.  Drowned rats all, we laughed and made the best of it, joking of the stories we would tell.

I always get the picture with the judge for such a nice win.  Which of course happens once all judging is over.  But my gut literally clenched.  Go home, it said.  Now. The weather was worsening. I ran to the van. 

See, the gulf moisture had risen in waves.  A cold front headed directly into it. And Hurricane Patricia, with the highest winds ever recorded, had just slammed into Mexico from the Pacific, bringing torrential rains, and tracked right toward us.  Seems all this converged.  Right over our heads.

As soon as I got in my van (soaking wet), I checked my phone.

Fifty billion texts, and a weather alert: I35 was closed north of Waco, due to water over the road.  Okay, not a problem—I cut off at Waco to Corsicana and hit I45 anyhow.

By the time I started the van, the weather alert chimed in again to say I45 was closed in Corsicana, due to water over the road. (This pic is from inside Shannon Layman Melvin’s van!)

These aren’t exactly roads, but major highways. And the two that bisect the state.  I had to take one of them to get home.  There was no other way.

So, driving, I first call Renee, who had left many texts, worried about where I was and how I was to get home.  She tracked both highways.

Um . . .

I kept heading toward Waco, where the decision would have to be made.  Commit to either I35 or head to Corsicana and pick up I45.  I’m only 12 miles north of Corsicana, so if I could get through there . . .

Then I called my friend Wendy, who’d been showing as well and lives close to the show grounds, and who’s an executive from Txdot. She’d know!

Didn’t get her and in the meantime, talked with Jody, who began tracking the maps and road closures as well.

We made an executive decision the best route was through Corsicana to I45, and to take my chances there, Jody navigating me through exact roads.  Go that way, my gut said.

By now it’s dark. And pouring again. 

When Wendy calls me back, I’m about 10 miles out of Corsicana.  Her dad Al gets on the phone, as he’s looking at routes, and her husband Dan, also with Txdot and having access to their road closures, direct me through the storm.

“Take I35,” Dan says.  “You can’t get through Corsicana.”

“I’m nearly to Corsicana,” I say.

“Are you already through Hubbard and Dawson?” he asks.

When I say yes, he adds, “There’s water over Hwy 31 in both those towns now, and 31’s closed.”

So, I couldn’t go back.  I’d apparently barely made it through, with about 3 minutes to spare. 

They tell me how to get through Corsicana, following the same path Jody had mapped out.

On Hwy 31, the major road bisecting the town, water was just starting to cover the pavement.  But it was easily passable (just after that, 3 feet of water submerged the thoroughfare and they were embroiled in water rescues).  Photo courtesy of WFFA8 

I’m thinking, hey, we’re gonna get home fine!

So I turn on Business 45, to head north and hit I45, north of Corsicana.  The water covering the highway was just to the south of town.  All should be good!

Only . . .  half a mile down, they’d put barriers to block the road and were diverting traffic right or left. 

Crum.

So right I went, with a long line of vehicles before me, and a long line behind.  In near total darkness, and rain pouring in sheets.  Down into a residential area, winding around exasperatingly slow.

Until we stopped.  With a foot of water surging under us on the road, swiftly enough that a white-capped current rushed by.  We were on a little bridge thing, and to the right, was some sort of lake. It was nearly impossible to see what exactly it was, in the now total darkness.  And we were not moving.  At all.

Right next to my van stood two official-looking workers in full waders, their official-looking vehicle further up.

So I lowered the passenger window and asked, “Are we gonna be able to get out of here?”

They turned, panic tying up their young faces like rag dolls, and started frantically waving me on.  “Go!  Go!” they kept yelling.

“I can’t,” I replied, and motioned to the long line of cars in front of me.

Both spun around running up the line, still waving like mad men, yelling until they got to the intersection of nowhere and never has been, urging people on like the Apocalypse was coming.

This was a bit more serious than I had counted on.

And sitting there, I did the only two things I could do: Pray.  And make a plan.

If the water kept rising and my van (which is high off the ground) even hinted at floating, I was jumping in the back, opening the crates then the side door, and we were swimming for it.  If we were going to die there, we would do so fighting.

Finally, we inched forward.  Just behind us, the road had indeed been closed. 

Photo Corsicana Daily Sun

An eternity later, I got to the turn, and unlike the rest of the folks, went right.  On account of that’s what my phone said to do.  Don’t you love smart devices?  I can’t figure out how I’da have gotten anywhere in all my recent travels without Siri telling me where to go!

But she said right, and by golly, that’s where we went.

Alone.  Through the dark.  No lights.  No cars.  Just driving rain.

Imagine my relief when she said, “In half a mile, turn left onto I45 northbound.”

Yahoo!  We were saved! My gut eased, finally.

Okay. Not quite so fast.

Ahead at the bridge were lots of lights-flashing police cars.  Just in front of me were two big wreckers, wanting to go southbound, and a car between me and them. 

I don’t know what the wreckers thought they could do going south, as for the first time the darkness was alight.  For as far as the eye could see, both directions, on this 6-lane highway, southbound I45 was a parking lot.  A 15-mile backup, I later learned.

It was breathtaking.  And not in a good way. 

And now the police headed with barricades toward my bridge.

So, as any safe motorist would do, I carefully slid around the car and the wreckers and gassed it over the bridge about 3 minutes before the roadblock was up.

Ah!  Almost home!

Merrily, almost giddy with relief although shaking and white-knuckled, I flew north, still gaping at the snaking sea from lights of big rigs and cars just parked for miles and miles and miles.

Which is why, I reasoned later, I didn’t actually notice that I was the only one going northbound . . .

Okay, so on the sides of the road the water was just at asphalt level.  But it wasn’t covering the road.  Photo Corsicana Daily Sun 

And then, like mana from the gods, I can see my exit. Well, it’s not exactly my exit, as from the south you have to go by that, a mile further, exit and go under the underpass, and turn back south onto the access road.  But nearly home!

I take it, go left, then turn to go left back south.

To be true, I did see all the activity as soon as I turned, all those vehicles on the access road backed up north!  Bless them. 

As soon as I tried to turn, a policeman stopped me.  Told me I had to keep going straight.  Yada, yada, yada.

So I yadad right back at him, explaining very nicely (and clearly) that I had to go that way as I lived right down there and it was the only way to my home.

He wouldn’t budge.

Then again, neither did I.

So finally, exasperated, he told me to weave through the Alma liquor-store parking lot (Alma is only a gas station and 2 liquor stores) and go talk to the State Trooper.

Have you ever noticed that those State Troopers are almost always choir-boy young, and are always oh-so-clean cut and polite?

Dealing with 15 crises at once, in the pouring rain, what a respectful young man he was.

“Turn around, ma’am.  You can’t go this way. I45 is shut down now both directions.”

“But I live here. And I’m not getting back on 45—I live right down the road and this is the only way to my home.”

As you can imagine, this continued.  Pretty much in the same fashion.  His mantra didn’t change, and neither did mine.

“We’ve been through a harrowing ordeal!  My girls and I just want to go home!”

Okay, so my pleading did get a bit more shrill.  And, I confess, tears did well up in my eyes.  But not forced tears, by now they came unbidden. 

Who knows how long we went back and forth but finally he called his supervisor, came back, shrugged, asked for my license, and said, “Okay, you get home now.  And you be safe, ma’am.”

I tell ya, these Troopers are the most polite boys on the planet. I wish I could somehow thank him. 

Finally, home!  Shaking, still wet (four and a half hours after we left the show).  But thank God and greyhound, home.

I tended the four-legged kids and finally looked at my phone.

Which had blown up with texts, from all my friends, frantic.

So I texted all.

And every one of them texted back that they’d been praying and praying, sending me safe travels. 

Every one.

Their prayers caused the angels to have my back. 

We were able to slip through 5 tiny portals, with only minutes to spare.  At every turn.

I know that’s what got us through.

The next day, rain still pouring, our area opened all the national news stories.  Corsicana ended with over 21 inches of rain.  The flooding is mind boggling, a train running into a lake of water and derailing just five miles due south of here.  Photo credit KTLA5

Catastrophic flooding.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all the most wonderful friends on the planet.  Those who navigated me through.  All the people praying. 

Your love and caring humbles me to my knees . . .

 

The post It was Breathtaking. And not in a Good Way appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

21 Wonderful Things to be Happy About and They are not What You Think

Although this life may indeed be filled with sadness and despair, it’s also chock full of happiness and laughter.  And whenever I’m blue, counting the latter turns my world back to smiles.

So let’s see how many things we can find to be happy about.

1). Politics.  Isn’t that a funny one to start off with?  Didn’t just the instant image of the political climate make you laugh?  We have the PT Barnum show going on!  And no matter your predilection, even the most serious political student chuckles now and then!

2). Murphey the puppy frolicking about.  I bet you have a fur kid that makes you laugh as well!  At our house, this is an especially fun age as we’re still in cute puppyhood but pretty much potty trained.  Yahoo!

3). Anything creative.  Anything!  No matter if you write stories or paint pictures or sculpt in clay, no matter if you’re into crafts or songs or whatever venue you choose, expressing your creativity results in that satisfied smile.  And since my new story is out . . . 

4). Fall is in the air.  Now, that makes everybody happy!  After a long hot summer that first breath on a crisp wind, ahhh!

5). We are in a time of relative peace and prosperity.  At least in this country.  No matter all the bad news blaring from pundits, etc., our country is not at declared war (Afghanistan, notwithstanding).  And folks are getting by, financially.  Although the converse is surely true, focusing on the good that we have sure makes me smile.

6). Friends.  The glue that binds us to one another.  When going through a rough time, as our small group of breeder friends is doing, we have one another to hold us up.  What on earth do people do without comrades?

7). The great books of Autumn coming out. I don’t know about you, but ah, this season of new talent and works always helps me to see that creativity is alive and thriving and well!  And I just ordered the new Alice Hoffman . . .

8). Things working out. Don’t you love when a plan comes together?  We all have so many areas of our lives needing tending that it’s oh-so-wonderful when part of it works as it’s supposed to.

9). Things not working out.  Sometimes a tough one to be happy about!  But always encased in that is something to learn.  A golden nugget that will make your life better next time.  A good thing indeed!

10). Rain in California.  Thank God!  Putting out those nasty fires is cheer worthy!

11). Time off.  Even if you aren’t going to an exotic island, having time off to recharge is fabulous.

12). Chocolate.  That goes without saying.  How did it get to be number twelve?

13). That first sip of coffee in the morning.  Ahhh!  Or tea if that’s your preference.  Isn’t it wonderful?

14). A nice walk in the cool morning air.  Doesn’t that just get you going?  And all those great hormones that releases.  Don’t you feel better already?

15). It’s football season!  Okay, I know this doesn’t make everyone happy.  But even the women I know who aren’t into our national pastime (sorry, baseball) smile because their spouses are, and they get some free time    Not that they don’t love those spouses!  But we all need space now and then.

16). Work.  Especially if you’re doing something that spurs on your passion.  But even if not, applying yourself to whatever job on the planet, doing it well, brings some satisfaction. And the more we focus on that, the more we like our jobs.

17). Apples and pumpkins and pears, oh my!  Don’t you just love the fruits of fall?

18). Halloween. And it’s just around the corner!  All the little goblins and witches and werewolves and candy corn.  I think candy corn is around the rest of the year but I actually never see it.  Funny how our eyes see what we’ve programmed our minds with, no?

19). Wine.  That goes without saying too!

20). Flames licking logs in the fireplace.  Okay, so it’s too hot here for that right now, but it’s on the horizon. I can already smell the pine scent wafting through my house . . .

21). The way life goes marching on.  We’ve had babies here.  My niece had her boy, Clark James, in June, and my nephew is expecting his second in November!  The stork leaving any packages your way?

What causes you to be happy?

 

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