Susan Mary Malone's Blog: Happiness is a Story, page 12

Successful People have more than 7 Habits

We all know of Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People.   On the bestseller list for decades now, it’s de rigueur for all business types.  And for people just wanting to better themselves and their lives.

Although it has revolutionized the business world, the habits themselves aren’t that revolutionary.  I.e., you read them with recognition, no?  I don’t know why but every time I see them, I think of that sweet book, All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, by Robert Fulghum.

Both books pretty much boil down to respecting yourself and others.

It’s in the details where we humans get mixed up.

But one thing I know for true is that psychological and spiritual truths have the same meaning.  I.e., if something is psychologically true, then it’s spiritually true as well, with the converse also being accurate.  You just can’t separate one from another.

The seven habits Covey talked about are straightforward enough:

   Be proactive.  Which just translates of course to your choices in creating your life.

The spiritual equivalent: You create your own reality.

   Begin with the end in mind.  Know what you want and where you want to go.  Create a personal vision statement.

The spiritual equivalent: Visualize and feel your perfect life, in all its details.  

As Einstein said: “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

   Put first things first.  Makes sense, no?  You’re building on the choices and vision for the future you’ve designed.

The spiritual equivalent: Focus on your dreams.

   Think win-win.  Simply, that you don’t have to lose for me to win.

The spiritual equivalent: What you do to others, you do to yourself.

   Seek first to understand, then be understood.  Which not so many folks do!  Most of the time, we’re so focused on getting our own points or opinions across, that we don’t stop to truly “hear” what someone else is trying to convey.  So much so that we have to be taught active listening.

The spiritual equivalent: Love thy neighbor as thyself.  Nothing shows caring more than truly listening to someone.

   Synergy.  Which is just working together.  A knowing that the whole is more than the sum of its parts.

The spiritual equivalent: When 2 or more are gathered in my name . . .

   Sharpening the saw.  Which translates to taking care of you, in all the various ways you do so.

The spiritual equivalent: If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love another.  

Of course I love that Covey went on to pen the sequel: The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness  

   From effectiveness to greatness.  Which shows how to truly thrive in today’s world, one must reach beyond effectiveness toward fulfillment, contribution, and greatness.

Sounds a lot like Victor Frankl’s findings on man’s search for meaning.  Or Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.  Both dealing with the psychological need we have to thrive, to follow and reach our dreams, to know that we have a reason for being here, and that we leave the world a better place.

The spiritual equivalent: God has a plan for your life.

When I add all of this together, it makes for a life worth spent—one in which we, you and I, are the driving forces.  Mythologist Joseph Campbell summed this up best:

“Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.”

What do you do out of habit in order to succeed?

 

The post Successful People have more than 7 Habits appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

3 Inspired Women In History Who You Need To Know

Isn’t it just almost impossible to narrow it down to 3. Ah, the rich resources of the female persona that have made our world oh-so-much better.

Not that men haven’t too, of course, but women in history tend to get less, let’s say, credit.

And many of these females leaders in history, well, nobody knows their names . . .

1).      Alice Paul.  She’s not alone in the suffrage movement, of course, but she’s the one who persisted for the entirety of her life.  Not exactly a household name, no?

But I thank her, literally all the time.  She didn’t begin the women’s suffrage movement, but thank God she carried the banner ‘til the end.

Paul along with Lucy Burns and many others marched, protested, picketed, were jailed, force fed, experiencing untold brutality.  In the District jail under horrid conditions, Paul began a hunger strike.  So they moved her to the prison’s psychiatric ward, and force fed her raw eggs through a feeding tube.

“Seems almost unthinkable now, doesn’t it?” Paul told an interviewer from American Heritage when asked about the forced feeding. “It was shocking that a government of men could look with such extreme contempt on a movement that was asking nothing except such a simple little thing as the right to vote.”  

Paul formed the Nationals Women’s Party in 1916.

Finally, the 19th Amendment became part of the U.S. Constitution on August 26, 1920.

Paul later received her law degree, then an LL.M, and in 1928, a Doctorate in Civil Laws from American University.

But she was not done.  She played a major role in protecting women’s rights in the 1964 Civil Rights Movement.

Not one mention of her was made all through my public schooling, or even into graduate school.

The film, Iron Jawed Angels, does a marvelous job telling her story.

If you are female, and voting—which is the only thing that protects your rights as a free person—tip your hat to Alice Paul.

And more importantly, remember her . . .

     Zora Neal Hurston.

Another household name.  LOL.

I’ll never forget when I stumbled upon the writings of this incredibly talented woman.  And stumble, I literally did.

Alice Walker is just such a marvelous novelist.  You know her, right?  The Color Purple, et al?  Even non-readers know of her, having read her or not.

But one day long, long ago I was reading some of Walker’s nonfiction, and she mentioned Hurston as a role model.  So of course, I looked her up. This was before the Internet!  Back when you had to actually go to the library or bookstore.

I had to have the local bookstore order her novel, which was most likely only in print on account of Walker talked about her.

Their Eyes were Watching God changed my life.  In one of those visceral, sudden whirlwind ways where you know you’ll never quite be the same.

Out of print for nearly 30 years (many say due to the fact that readers rejected its strong black female protagonist), it was reissued in the 1978.

The book itself is beautifully done.  But it’s Hurston’s life that always snaps me up straight.  A young, black, female feminist writer in the 1930s.  Now, wrap your head around that . . .

Her courage bolsters me when I think I have it tough.  She causes me to go straight back to the writing table and carry on.

    Virginia Woolf.

Now this one you know.

The complexities of her characters take my breath away.

But I didn’t find her until grad school.  I know, lived a sheltered life.  Lol.  But what I found in her works changed my life for good.

Especially To the Lighthouse.  The themes delve deeply into family life, and are of course too myriad and complicated to dissect here, but the one that turned my head around to see something different was what I was dealing with at the time.

And what young women still must grapple with today.

How do you find liberation from clearly defined roles?  Especially if the ones presented to you aren’t the ones you want?

I came of age during the women’s movement of the ‘70s, and knew traditional female roles were not the ones I sought.  And even though the world was opening up, choices were to be made, and some of them involved the either/or question.

Still today we talk of women “having it all,” which translates to job, career, marriage, and children.  We don’t talk in those terms for men.

Still today.

Imagine that conversation in 1927, when the book was first published.

What this novel did for me, in essence, was to tell me I wasn’t alone.  That it was all right to choose differently from my family model.  That the choices came with consequences of their own, and those I would surely have to face.  But that the choice was, indeed mine.

Which opened my world.

Many inspirational women in history changed me, our world, the way we see things.  These are just 3 that stick with me, pretty much all the time.  They opened our world to a deeper understanding.

As Virginia Woolf says in To the Lighthouse, “For nothing was simply one thing.”

What women in history shaped you?

 

The post 3 Inspired Women In History Who You Need To Know appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

3 Inspired Women In History That You Need To Know

Isn’t it just almost impossible to narrow it down to 3. Ah, the rich resources of the female persona that have made our world oh-so-much better.

Not that men haven’t too, of course, but women in history tend to get less, let’s say, credit.

And many of these females leaders in history, well, nobody knows their names . . .

1).      Alice Paul.  She’s not alone in the suffrage movement, of course, but she’s the one who persisted for the entirety of her life.  Not exactly a household name, no?

But I thank her, literally all the time.  She didn’t begin the women’s suffrage movement, but thank God she carried the banner ‘til the end.

Paul along with Lucy Burns and many others marched, protested, picketed, were jailed, force fed, experiencing untold brutality.  In the District jail under horrid conditions, Paul began a hunger strike.  So they moved her to the prison’s psychiatric ward, and force fed her raw eggs through a feeding tube.

“Seems almost unthinkable now, doesn’t it?” Paul told an interviewer from American Heritage when asked about the forced feeding. “It was shocking that a government of men could look with such extreme contempt on a movement that was asking nothing except such a simple little thing as the right to vote.”  

Paul formed the Nationals Women’s Party in 1916.

Finally, the 19th Amendment became part of the U.S. Constitution on August 26, 1920.

Paul later received her law degree, then an LL.M, and in 1928, a Doctorate in Civil Laws from American University.

But she was not done.  She played a major role in protecting women’s rights in the 1964 Civil Rights Movement.

Not one mention of her was made all through my public schooling, or even into graduate school.

The film, Iron Jawed Angels, does a marvelous job telling her story.

If you are female, and voting—which is the only thing that protects your rights as a free person—tip your hat to Alice Paul.

And more importantly, remember her . . .

     Zora Neal Hurston.

Another household name.  LOL.

I’ll never forget when I stumbled upon the writings of this incredibly talented woman.  And stumble, I literally did.

Alice Walker is just such a marvelous novelist.  You know her, right?  The Color Purple, et al?  Even non-readers know of her, having read her or not.

But one day long, long ago I was reading some of Walker’s nonfiction, and she mentioned Hurston as a role model.  So of course, I looked her up. This was before the Internet!  Back when you had to actually go to the library or bookstore.

I had to have the local bookstore order her novel, which was most likely only in print on account of Walker talked about her.

Their Eyes were Watching God changed my life.  In one of those visceral, sudden whirlwind ways where you know you’ll never quite be the same.

Out of print for nearly 30 years (many say due to the fact that readers rejected its strong black female protagonist), it was reissued in the 1978.

The book itself is beautifully done.  But it’s Hurston’s life that always snaps me up straight.  A young, black, female feminist writer in the 1930s.  Now, wrap your head around that . . .

Her courage bolsters me when I think I have it tough.  She causes me to go straight back to the writing table and carry on.

    Virginia Woolf.

Now this one you know.

The complexities of her characters take my breath away.

But I didn’t find her until grad school.  I know, lived a sheltered life.  Lol.  But what I found in her works changed my life for good.

Especially To the Lighthouse.  The themes delve deeply into family life, and are of course too myriad and complicated to dissect here, but the one that turned my head around to see something different was what I was dealing with at the time.

And what young women still must grapple with today.

How do you find liberation from clearly defined roles?  Especially if the ones presented to you aren’t the ones you want?

I came of age during the women’s movement of the ‘70s, and knew traditional female roles were not the ones I sought.  And even though the world was opening up, choices were to be made, and some of them involved the either/or question.

Still today we talk of women “having it all,” which translates to job, career, marriage, and children.  We don’t talk in those terms for men.

Still today.

Imagine that conversation in 1927, when the book was first published.

What this novel did for me, in essence, was to tell me I wasn’t alone.  That it was all right to choose differently from my family model.  That the choices came with consequences of their own, and those I would surely have to face.  But that the choice was, indeed mine.

Which opened my world.

Many inspirational women in history changed me, our world, the way we see things.  These are just 3 that stick with me, pretty much all the time.  They opened our world to a deeper understanding.

As Virginia Woolf says in To the Lighthouse, “For nothing was simply one thing.”

What women in history shaped you?

 

The post 3 Inspired Women In History That You Need To Know appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

This Is How A Legend Can Change You

I just love myths and legends, don’t you?  But it took me a long time to get bitten by the wisdom within them.  Mainly because—all the ones I was exposed to featured men, dealing with men’s issues.

Not that I haven’t gone back and fallen in love with those too!  The crux was I just couldn’t really relate, while navigating the roiling waters of teenage-hood, to searching for the Holy Grail, going on a mammoth Odyssean quest, or any number of those myths and stories that featured, well, guy stuff.

I loved guys.  I just didn’t want to go on their mastery quests with them.  They didn’t resonate with me.  Being the best sword master wasn’t on my to-do list (although now young women by the droves are learning to be archers!  How cool is that!).

Imagine my shock when decades ago I moved to the farm to write, and ran across myths and legends about women.  About the issues girls face trying to become women, and women face trying to make sense of their worlds.  Oddly enough, I didn’t even know female-featured protagonists existed in myth.

Of course, I grew up in a male-oriented Freud-centric home!  But it wasn’t as though girls then were exposed to myths featuring strong heroines once we outgrew Nancy Drew and Alice and the like.

And then dropped into my sphere came a huge tome that featured myths all about women.

The male of our species has resoundingly cracked jokes about it.  Of course, had any said male actually read it, he probably would be as bored with these female-oriented tales as I was of Gawain, et al.

Unless of course he wanted to actually understand the women in his life.  The converse of course leading me back to those guy tales and the wisdom within, later down the road.

But it was Women Who Run with the Wolves that opened my eyes to a huge canon of literature I never knew existed.  In it, Clarissa Pinkola Estes retells ancient myths with female protagonists (and to be clear, males as well at times), then delves into the psychology held within them like glittering jewels.

It truthfully opened my world to the vast inner wealth of the female psyche.  I felt, literally, physically, emotionally, psychologically as if I had come home.

Nearly all of the stories resonate and sing into my soul.  They’re all pieces of the psyche, all digging down into the bones of us.  Teaching, comforting, showing us the way.  And so importantly—reminding us that others have gone before and lived to tell the tale.

It was here I first found the story of “The Doll in her Pocket: Vasilisa the Wise.”  Why I’d never come across this ‘til then, I’ll never know, because it’s an ancient story, and many iterations of it exist, in cultures near and far.

But that myth literally changed my life.

The very essence of the story is about finding and listening to one’s intuition (which was anathema in the home and culture I grew up in).  By listening to that deep soft voice, Vasalisa (and I as well) heard the heartbeat of that profound internal guidance that contains all of the collective wisdom of those who came before.

I was like, why weren’t we taught this in school?  Right?

But wisdom, as any virtue, tends to reach you about the time you’re ready for it 

Not only did this impact my personal life in a huge way, but it cracked open my creativity as I was writing what was to be my first published novel, By the Book.  I didn’t use that in that book per se, but it planted the seeds for what was to become a lifelong joyous study of mythology, and for my novel, I Just Came Here to Dance.

Dance follows many myths and legends as it wends its way to understanding, but Vasalisa provides the heart of it, as Paula Anne finally hears and follows her own intuition.  Finally lives her authentic life, rather than being stuffed into the conformity of some creature designed by the culture.

As Estes says in her introduction to the book, “I have not forgotten the dark years, hambre del alma, the song of the starved soul.  But neither have I forgotten the joyous canto hondo, the deep song, the words of which come back to us when we do the work of soulful reclamation.”

Ah, can’t you feel the rhythm?

The post This Is How A Legend Can Change You appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

This is how a Legend can Change You

I just love myths and legends, don’t you?  But it took me a long time to get bitten by the wisdom within them.  Mainly because—all the ones I was exposed to featured men, dealing with men’s issues.

Not that I haven’t gone back and fallen in love with those too!  The crux was I just couldn’t really relate, while navigating the roiling waters of teenage-hood, to searching for the Holy Grail, going on a mammoth Odyssean quest, or any number of those myths and stories that featured, well, guy stuff.

I loved guys.  I just didn’t want to go on their mastery quests with them.  They didn’t resonate with me.  Being the best sword master wasn’t on my to-do list (although now young women by the droves are learning to be archers!  How cool is that!).

Imagine my shock when decades ago I moved to the farm to write, and ran across myths and legends about women.  About the issues girls face trying to become women, and women face trying to make sense of their worlds.  Oddly enough, I didn’t even know female-featured protagonists existed in myth.

Of course, I grew up in a male-oriented Freud-centric home!  But it wasn’t as though girls then were exposed to myths featuring strong heroines once we outgrew Nancy Drew and Alice and the like.

And then dropped into my sphere came a huge tome that featured myths all about women.

The male of our species has resoundingly cracked jokes about it.  Of course, had any said male actually read it, he probably would be as bored with these female-oriented tales as I was of Gawain, et al.

Unless of course he wanted to actually understand the women in his life.  The converse of course leading me back to those guy tales and the wisdom within, later down the road.

But it was Women Who Run with the Wolves that opened my eyes to a huge canon of literature I never knew existed.  In it, Clarissa Pinkola Estes retells ancient myths with female protagonists (and to be clear, males as well at times), then delves into the psychology held within them like glittering jewels.

It truthfully opened my world to the vast inner wealth of the female psyche.  I felt, literally, physically, emotionally, psychologically as if I had come home.

Nearly all of the stories resonate and sing into my soul.  They’re all pieces of the psyche, all digging down into the bones of us.  Teaching, comforting, showing us the way.  And so importantly—reminding us that others have gone before and lived to tell the tale.

It was here I first found the story of “The Doll in her Pocket: Vasilisa the Wise.”  Why I’d never come across this ‘til then, I’ll never know, because it’s an ancient story, and many iterations of it exist, in cultures near and far.

But that myth literally changed my life.

The very essence of the story is about finding and listening to one’s intuition (which was anathema in the home and culture I grew up in).  By listening to that deep soft voice, Vasalisa (and I as well) heard the heartbeat of that profound internal guidance that contains all of the collective wisdom of those who came before.

I was like, why weren’t we taught this in school?  Right?

But wisdom, as any virtue, tends to reach you about the time you’re ready for it 

Not only did this impact my personal life in a huge way, but it cracked open my creativity as I was writing what was to be my first published novel, By the Book.  I didn’t use that in that book per se, but it planted the seeds for what was to become a lifelong joyous study of mythology, and for my novel, I Just Came Here to Dance.

Dance follows many myths and legends as it wends its way to understanding, but Vasalisa provides the heart of it, as Paula Anne finally hears and follows her own intuition.  Finally lives her authentic life, rather than being stuffed into the conformity of some creature designed by the culture.

As Estes says in her introduction to the book, “I have not forgotten the dark years, hambre del alma, the song of the starved soul.  But neither have I forgotten the joyous canto hondo, the deep song, the words of which come back to us when we do the work of soulful reclamation.”

Ah, can’t you feel the rhythm?

The post This is how a Legend can Change You appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

How to Find Happiness In The Middle Of Your Bad Week

Do you sometimes feel that events have conspired against you?  That whatever evil force running amok in the Universe keeps shooting arrows into your back?

When just everything seems to go wrong.  The car has a flat. The dishwasher breaks. The washer overflows.  Why does this all happen at once?

Or, one big thing goes categorically south.  You know, that dream you’ve been pursuing just trotted further out of reach.  Or you get a good view of what’s ahead and it seems like one mountain peak forms behind another and another and . . .

During those times, even the idea of how to find happiness seems out of reach.  So what’s a conscious person to do?

*      First off, don’t deny it.

Yep, that sack of coal got dumped right on your doorstep.  Despite all of your best efforts (or not!), things just turned to coal dust right before your eyes.

That’s the reality of it.  And facing it is often half the battle.

Running away from any problem just increases the distance to the solution.

*      Second, dissect the issues—one at a time.

If this concerns one big failing, then compartmentalizing it isn’t difficult.  It’s staring you in the face all the time anyway.

But when dealing with a list of problems, how easy it can be for them all to entangle into one big rubber-band blob.  And leaving it thus without disentangling the mess makes it almost impossible to sort out.

Even if the subjects do intertwine, they each have separate parts, tentacles that can be untangled, piece by blessed piece.  And even if they glom back together like magnets seeking each other once you’re done dealing with them, next time you’ll have an easier time separating those out.

Spend a set amount of time with each one.  Pull out all the tools—writing out the problems and possible solutions to the different pieces of the issue.  Identifying peeps to help.  Using the tools you already have gets you started quickly.

*        Third, figure out one action you can take today.  Or right now.

Something you can do to help the situation, even if it’s tiny.  Just the act of doing a constructive action will ease your mind.

Not busy work to make you think you’re affecting a change, but an action that actually will help.

It may seem that 3 and 4 should be switched, but acting, however, no matter in how small a way, causes feel-good hormones to at least trickle in, and you see things differently.  As Dale Carnegie said:

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Because then you can more clearly:

*        Fourth, make a plan.

Issues can be tackled.  From getting the plumber out to finding a new job.  And it all starts with a solid plan.

*        Finally, pat yourself on the back.

How often we blame and shame ourselves for our foibles.  I know so many folks (and I was once one of them!) who are simply fabulous at self-flagellation.  But they forget to tell themselves “good job” for what they did right.

By giving yourself credit for the good steps, you can more easily forgive your transgressions.  Or someone else’s.  Or the world’s.  Forgiving yourself and others starts with acknowledging what worked.

Now that you’ve faced the problems, dissected them, taken a good, solid action, have made a plan for tomorrow, forgiven yourself, how to find happiness has seeped into your day.  It always does.  And now you can feel gratitude for finding your way out of whatever jungle you’ve found yourself lost in.

I’m always reminded of author Harriet Beecher Stowe’s admonition of:

“ When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

Now, that makes me smile.  Which causes happiness to return.

How do you deal with bad times?

 

The post How to Find Happiness In The Middle Of Your Bad Week appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

How to Find Happiness in the Middle of Your Bad Week

Do you sometimes feel that events have conspired against you?  That whatever evil force running amok in the Universe keeps shooting arrows into your back?

When just everything seems to go wrong.  The car has a flat. The dishwasher breaks. The washer overflows.  Why does this all happen at once?

Or, one big thing goes categorically south.  You know, that dream you’ve been pursuing just trotted further out of reach.  Or you get a good view of what’s ahead and it seems like one mountain peak forms behind another and another and . . .

During those times, even the idea of how to find happiness seems out of reach.  So what’s a conscious person to do?

*      First off, don’t deny it.

Yep, that sack of coal got dumped right on your doorstep.  Despite all of your best efforts (or not!), things just turned to coal dust right before your eyes.

That’s the reality of it.  And facing it is often half the battle.

Running away from any problem just increases the distance to the solution.

*      Second, dissect the issues—one at a time.

If this concerns one big failing, then compartmentalizing it isn’t difficult.  It’s staring you in the face all the time anyway.

But when dealing with a list of problems, how easy it can be for them all to entangle into one big rubber-band blob.  And leaving it thus without disentangling the mess makes it almost impossible to sort out.

Even if the subjects do intertwine, they each have separate parts, tentacles that can be untangled, piece by blessed piece.  And even if they glom back together like magnets seeking each other once you’re done dealing with them, next time you’ll have an easier time separating those out.

Spend a set amount of time with each one.  Pull out all the tools—writing out the problems and possible solutions to the different pieces of the issue.  Identifying peeps to help.  Using the tools you already have gets you started quickly.

*        Third, figure out one action you can take today.  Or right now.

Something you can do to help the situation, even if it’s tiny.  Just the act of doing a constructive action will ease your mind.

Not busy work to make you think you’re affecting a change, but an action that actually will help.

It may seem that 3 and 4 should be switched, but acting, however, no matter in how small a way, causes feel-good hormones to at least trickle in, and you see things differently.  As Dale Carnegie said:

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Because then you can more clearly:

*        Fourth, make a plan.

Issues can be tackled.  From getting the plumber out to finding a new job.  And it all starts with a solid plan.

*        Finally, pat yourself on the back.

How often we blame and shame ourselves for our foibles.  I know so many folks (and I was once one of them!) who are simply fabulous at self-flagellation.  But they forget to tell themselves “good job” for what they did right.

By giving yourself credit for the good steps, you can more easily forgive your transgressions.  Or someone else’s.  Or the world’s.  Forgiving yourself and others starts with acknowledging what worked.

Now that you’ve faced the problems, dissected them, taken a good, solid action, have made a plan for tomorrow, forgiven yourself, how to find happiness has seeped into your day.  It always does.  And now you can feel gratitude for finding your way out of whatever jungle you’ve found yourself lost in.

I’m always reminded of author Harriet Beecher Stowe’s admonition of:

“ When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

Now, that makes me smile.  Which causes happiness to return.

How do you deal with bad times?

 

The post How to Find Happiness in the Middle of Your Bad Week appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

Sunshine, Do Something That You Enjoy Today

Do you ever have one of those weekends that just feels like a reward?  When finally you get some rest and get to chill and just do the things you love?

Okay, chores are always in there as well, but that’s normal day-to-day life.

I just had one of those weekends.  Like you, my life is fairly insane most of the time.  But the last stretch has been crazier than most.

My novel, I Just Came here to Dance, launched in mid-September.  Whew!  What a whirlwind!  For months leading up to it and the next ones as well.  Lots of work and activity go into launching a book!

The end of September my girls and I traveled to Denver (a two-day drive from here) to a major Labrador Specialty. Then we were home for a week and drove to St. Louis for the National Labrador Specialty (another looong drive).  We showed 2 days at Denver and 3 at the Nationals.  Then home for a few seconds and down to Austin for another Lab Specialty.  Where we had a tad bit of a rough time getting home in the floods!  But my girls had nice wins, especially one of the true loves of my life, Ellie J J

Then to the DFWLRC Specialty, where a dear friend and I put on a Working Certificate test all the first day, and I judged Sweepstakes the next.

Of course all in the midst of regular work—writing, blogging, and editing.

By the time this last weekend finally rolled around, we’d kinda forgotten who we were.  Okay, so my girls didn’t—they’re fairly certain they’re 4-legged people, and nothing much dissuades them from that.

But ahh!  An entie weekend at home!  Don’t’cha just love when that happens?  A nice reward indeed.

Every weekend around here it seems has been rain-filled, but not this one.  Picture-perfect glorious sunshine.

On Sunday, we trained water retrieves.  Oh, such fun!  Not much brings me such smiles and laughter as watching these kids do what they were bred to do—retrieve.  Preferably in water, but land will do in a pinch  

The unadulterated joy!  I don’t care who you are, this would have brought a great smile to your face.

Then we did ears and toenails.  Okay, not so much fun for them, but necessary.

We sat on the deck, sunshine beaming down, the air cool and crisp on this stellar fall day.  And as one by one I cut their nails, you’re gonna think I’m a real bozo but I sang “Sunshine on my Shoulders” to them.  Yep, the John Denver song.  How corny is that?

And all was perfect in heaven.

Well, maybe not right then for them, but then their next reward was big frozen beef marrow bones.  Oh, man!

On the stove all day was simmering homemade chicken stock, which is mandatory for the Thanksgiving feast.  For many years now, I’ve cooked up the entire schmear, and am so blessed to have those I love join me to sup and bask in gratitude.  Although no matter what else gets cooked, Mom’s cornbread dressing is still the show stopper J

What simple things bring us all joy.

I’m more cognizant of that joy these days.  As we go through this life, we lose those we love.  And the fact that we’re going to lose them all, or they us, is never quite far from my mind.  I’ve lost more folks very near and dear to me than I would ever count, as that would be too depressing. Although I think of them, often.

But we have a friend now battling stage-4 Pancreatic cancer.  And the thing Ann says to us all, whenever we talk or hear from her, is: “Do something you enjoy today.”

About which most everybody would agree. Great idea!  Gonna adopt that!  And then we get submerged back into the insanity of our lives and forget to actually do it.

Ann’s ordeal, and her admonishment to enjoy at least something every day, has stuck with me.  And I seek out those things.  Because they’re always there.  It’s just that we’re so conditioned to see the same things every single day, that to be aware of the little joys surrounding us takes some focus.

I’ve had many days like this past Sunday.  We all have.  I think of all the ones that went before, and hope that I experienced the joy of just being, as I did this stunning day.  Singing to my dogs, who had the best day ever!  At least that’s what they say J  Course, today is now the best day ever for them!  They pretty much live in the now.

As this season of Thanksgiving is upon us, and gratitude comes finally into focus (amidst all the shopping and cooking and travel and family stress and . . . ), my commitment is to enjoy it all.  To remember and give thanks that I’m still here.  And what a truly wonderful world it is.

Wishing for you all the happiest and most grateful of Thanksgivings, and sending to all and to Ann, sunshine and joy.

   “If I had a day, that I could give you,

I’d give to you a day just like today.

And if I had a song that I could sing for you,

I’d sing a song to make you feel this way. . .”

“Sunshine on My Shoulders” –John Denver

 

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Sunshine, do something that you enjoy today

Do you ever have one of those weekends that just feels like a reward?  When finally you get some rest and get to chill and just do the things you love?

Okay, chores are always in there as well, but that’s normal day-to-day life.

I just had one of those weekends.  Like you, my life is fairly insane most of the time.  But the last stretch has been crazier than most.

My novel, I Just Came here to Dance, launched in mid-September.  Whew!  What a whirlwind!  For months leading up to it and the next ones as well.  Lots of work and activity go into launching a book!

The end of September my girls and I traveled to Denver (a two-day drive from here) to a major Labrador Specialty. Then we were home for a week and drove to St. Louis for the National Labrador Specialty (another looong drive).  We showed 2 days at Denver and 3 at the Nationals.  Then home for a few seconds and down to Austin for another Lab Specialty.  Where we had a tad bit of a rough time getting home in the floods!  But my girls had nice wins, especially one of the true loves of my life, Ellie J J

Then to the DFWLRC Specialty, where a dear friend and I put on a Working Certificate test all the first day, and I judged Sweepstakes the next.

Of course all in the midst of regular work—writing, blogging, and editing.

By the time this last weekend finally rolled around, we’d kinda forgotten who we were.  Okay, so my girls didn’t—they’re fairly certain they’re 4-legged people, and nothing much dissuades them from that.

But ahh!  An entie weekend at home!  Don’t’cha just love when that happens?  A nice reward indeed.

Every weekend around here it seems has been rain-filled, but not this one.  Picture-perfect glorious sunshine.

On Sunday, we trained water retrieves.  Oh, such fun!  Not much brings me such smiles and laughter as watching these kids do what they were bred to do—retrieve.  Preferably in water, but land will do in a pinch  

The unadulterated joy!  I don’t care who you are, this would have brought a great smile to your face.

Then we did ears and toenails.  Okay, not so much fun for them, but necessary.

We sat on the deck, sunshine beaming down, the air cool and crisp on this stellar fall day.  And as one by one I cut their nails, you’re gonna think I’m a real bozo but I sang “Sunshine on my Shoulders” to them.  Yep, the John Denver song.  How corny is that?

And all was perfect in heaven.

Well, maybe not right then for them, but then their next reward was big frozen beef marrow bones.  Oh, man!

On the stove all day was simmering homemade chicken stock, which is mandatory for the Thanksgiving feast.  For many years now, I’ve cooked up the entire schmear, and am so blessed to have those I love join me to sup and bask in gratitude.  Although no matter what else gets cooked, Mom’s cornbread dressing is still the show stopper J

What simple things bring us all joy.

I’m more cognizant of that joy these days.  As we go through this life, we lose those we love.  And the fact that we’re going to lose them all, or they us, is never quite far from my mind.  I’ve lost more folks very near and dear to me than I would ever count, as that would be too depressing. Although I think of them, often.

But we have a friend now battling stage-4 Pancreatic cancer.  And the thing Ann says to us all, whenever we talk or hear from her, is: “Do something you enjoy today.”

About which most everybody would agree. Great idea!  Gonna adopt that!  And then we get submerged back into the insanity of our lives and forget to actually do it.

Ann’s ordeal, and her admonishment to enjoy at least something every day, has stuck with me.  And I seek out those things.  Because they’re always there.  It’s just that we’re so conditioned to see the same things every single day, that to be aware of the little joys surrounding us takes some focus.

I’ve had many days like this past Sunday.  We all have.  I think of all the ones that went before, and hope that I experienced the joy of just being, as I did this stunning day.  Singing to my dogs, who had the best day ever!  At least that’s what they say J  Course, today is now the best day ever for them!  They pretty much live in the now.

As this season of Thanksgiving is upon us, and gratitude comes finally into focus (amidst all the shopping and cooking and travel and family stress and . . . ), my commitment is to enjoy it all.  To remember and give thanks that I’m still here.  And what a truly wonderful world it is.

Wishing for you all the happiest and most grateful of Thanksgivings, and sending to all and to Ann, sunshine and joy.

   “If I had a day, that I could give you,

I’d give to you a day just like today.

And if I had a song that I could sing for you,

I’d sing a song to make you feel this way. . .”

“Sunshine on My Shoulders” –John Denver

 

The post Sunshine, do something that you enjoy today appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

Why Do We Think We Need To Be Happy All The Damn Time?

Or think positive?  Or vision, exactly, our successes?

Isn’t this just mood making?

Gabriele Oettingen, Professor of Psychology at New York University and the University of Hamburg, focuses her research on how people think about the future, and how this impacts cognition, emotion, and behavior.  Her book, Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, debunks a lot of the common wisdom about being happy and positive and daydreaming about goals.

While acknowledging that optimism can help to alleviate suffering, and can help us to persevere in challenging times, just dreaming about the future in reality makes people more frustrated and unhappy over the long term.  What’s more stark is that these folks are less likely to achieve their goals.

Say what?  Doesn’t this fly in the face of all we’ve been told the last few decades?

Oettingen’s studies have proven that the pleasure gained from positive fantasies allows for virtual wish fulfillment, which actually saps our energy to perform the hard task of facing and working through challenges, which is what causes us to achieve real-life goals.

In other words, that vision board ain’t gonna get you anywhere without well-planned-out action steps toward it.

And some of that includes acknowledging disappointments and failures as you act, work, and master the skills to get you there.

Oettingen’s research is not only groundbreaking, but she draws on her large-scale scientific studies as well, and introduces “mental contrasting”—which combines our dreams and the obstacles within us that keep us from achieving our goals.  Not the obstacles outside of ourselves, but those that are strictly under our own control—and that we can change.

In other words, take a real-life assessment of what’s standing in your way, and make a plan to fix it.

Or, not.  Oettingen sees no shame in taking off the rose-colored glasses, assessing whether you can reach your goal, and if not, letting it go.  Which frees up all that energy to then focus on an attainable goal—and one that might be a much better fit with you and your life.

This mental contrasting, as she calls it, just takes an unfettered view of the goal and the obstacles so that you can then make a wise decision about whether to continue, or to abort and dream a new dream.

She calls her action method WOOP—Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan.

First you define your wish, what you want to achieve, etc.  Then, you visualize the outcome—how it would make you feel, what the effects on your life would be.  What is the obstacle within you that keeps you from achieving this?  Is it surmountable?  If so, you formulate a plan to do so—working on that thing that you can improve about you.

Although this isn’t so entirely different from positive thinking, from being happy all the time, what it does do is to take off those rose-colored glasses and get real about what you want and if you can achieve it.

Oettingen showed that the people in her studies, using this mental-contrasting tool, have become significantly more motivated to quit smoking, lose weight, get better grades, formulate fulfilling relationships, and negotiate more effectively in the workplace.

In short, dream your dreams then plan and work like hell to attain them. 

Didn’t we always know this would work?  

All emotions have their places in our lives.  To deny the negative ones just stuffs them down.  Being honest with oneself is always the best policy.

But that doesn’t mean to quit being happy or positive either.

As Oettingen says, after all of this research proved her theories:

“The solution isn’t to do away with dreaming and positive thinking. Rather, it’s making the most of our fantasies by brushing them up against the very thing most of us are taught to ignore or diminish: the obstacles that stand in our way.”

How do you achieve your dreams?

 

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