Susan Mary Malone's Blog: Happiness is a Story, page 2

A Texas-size Welcome (back) to my ‘Happiness is a Story’ Blog

Greetings, fellow intrepid readers! It’s been a while. And, boy have I missed y’all!

My birthday is today, so wanted all y’all to be part of the celebration as we launch the new website and blog!

Lots of exciting stuff going on here! I’ve updated my website and other branding to reflect my love of Texas female authors, famous Texas authors (and some wonderful not-so-famous ones), bluebonnets, Texas wines, and much Texas lore. It’s just my way of sharing a little piece of my heart.

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So much has been going on here that putting it all into words is a challenge. But since words are what I do, I’ll give it a go 🙂

First off, welcome to my new website! Our new focus is Texas stories, and all things wonderful about our state. Thank you to renowned Texas photographer Rob Greebon for the beautiful imagery on our new site!

We have monthly Giveaways coming, filled with fun stuff and lovely gifts. Authors and readers will share their thoughts every month as well.

In our newly formatted newsletter, I’m excited to include a section that reminds us all to take time out for ourselves.  Wine Down will focus on little ways we can all make sure we make ourselves a priority.  And, after so much research into Texas grape growers and vintners for my upcoming new book (more on that a little later) I’ll also be sharing information on great Texas wines each month.  So many are just delicious! And we all need some relaxation time, no?

You can check out my custom t-shirts that will surely help you remember to “Wine Down…”

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And, if you’re penning your own stories, take a look at The Writers’ Corner for a few tips on writing.  I promise to make that fun!

My goal is to bring you the best reading experience possible, not just from me but from other writers and readers as well, so every month we’ll also have Words from a Friend in our newsletter. I’d love to include what you’re reading or writing. This month features fabulous author Chris Manno, whose Texas novels are sure to cause both enjoyment and thought. He’s one of my very favs.

A final part of the newsletter, the News Page contains general news, upcoming contests and live events. And we’ll tell you more about our new photographer friend, Rob, here. I’m sure we’ll be working with him on future projects. Aren’t his images stunning!

A big part of our new format is that I will be doing giveaways every month as part of our ‘Texas Trinkets’ Contest. Our Bluebonnet Gift Boxes will be introduced. These boxes are filled with Texas novelties and trinkets as well as a signed copy of the short-story collection.

As many of you know, my short-story collection, Over the Pass, and Other Stories, came out a year ago. It’s garnered beautiful reviews, and was runner-up in the North Texas Book Festival. A signed copy will be included in the Bluebonnet Gift Box Giveaway.

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As one reviewer said, “In the confection of short fiction, these are the truffles.”

What fun!

As I mentioned earlier, I just finished my new novel, The Angels’ Share, set in a Texas vineyard and winery, which is now represented by a long-standing literary agent. The book is out on submission to major publishers, so all fingers crossed (and all good thoughts about this are much appreciated!).

So, lots of writing’s been going on here, which has just been heaven.  As with any novelist, I’m most happy when creating my fictional worlds, peopled with characters both crazy and sublime J

We’ve endured some pretty wacky weather here in Texas this year, and while my writing was only impacted a little because of power outages, I was able to do it the old-fashioned way: with pen and paper.

As most of you already know, I am a Labrador show breeder, and one of the best things about being a show breeder is that I have a new puppy every year.  This last litter of all blacks had one yellow interloper in the mix.

Meet Sparkler (Bearpaw’s Dancing in the Dark)

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So like you, I’ve had a lot going on this past year 🙂  I’m so glad to have you on this journey with me, of reading and books, Texas authors and all things wonderful about our state. If you’re not from or live in Texas, don’t worry, we’ll adopt you!

So saddle up and come along for the ride! By Signing Up you get a free short story, because I love living in this world of words and want to share my happiness with you.

I’m going to go celebrate now with great friends and great wine. Thank you for being the best part of my celebration today!

And of course you can join us on:

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Twitter

LinkedIn

Pinterest

https://susanmarymalone.com/

https://www.maloneeditorial.com/

 

A Texas-size Welcome (back) to my ‘Happiness is a Story’ Blog

Greetings, fellow intrepid readers! It’s been a while. And, boy have I missed y’all!

My birthday is today, so wanted all y’all to be part of the celebration as we launch the new website and blog!

Lots of exciting stuff going on here! I’ve updated my website and other branding to reflect my love of Texas female authors, famous Texas authors (and some wonderful not-so-famous ones), bluebonnets, Texas wines, and much Texas lore. It’s just my way of sharing a little piece of my heart.

 

So much has been going on here that putting it all into words is a challenge. But since words are what I do, I’ll give it a go

Five Keys for Understanding Men, A Woman’s Guide

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Goodreads

 

Understanding men has baffled women since the time of Adam and Eve. But among psychiatric professionals, the mystery called man is well known. From the profound insights of a male psychoanalyst, this privileged information finally becomes public.

Five principles drive the lives of men. By knowing them, anyone can understand the majority of male behavior, and learn to predict it.

Available Now!

 

INTRODUCTION

The Five Golden Keys

“He’s a walking contradiction/Partly truth and partly fiction.” –Kris Kristofferson

My Kitchen Table, Over Diet Coke:

“I can’t believe men think that way!” Susan, my sister, said. “Does testosterone remove all powers of reason?”

“Don’t even ask him,” my wife responded. “He’s certifiable. And one of them.”

“Look,” I said calmly, “I’m very easy to understand. Men are easy to understand. In fact, if you know just five things, you can predict a man’s behavior eighty percent of the time.”

“Hm,” Susan said and sighed, “then we oughta write a book . . .”

Understanding men–a simple concept. But how would you react to the statement: “Men are easy to understand”? With laughter? Chagrin? Disbelief? For most women, the male mind may as well have been programmed by alien beings.

I have counseled thousands of women. And the most common complaint voiced is, “I can’t understand my man’s behavior–he’s unpredictable, he’s erratic.” Or, more bluntly, “Testosterone poisoned his brain.” As fourteen-year-old Jill Malone put it, “I think, therefore I am not a man.”

Answers to questions about husbands, brothers, fathers, and sons however, do exist.

It takes two to tango, but men and women arrive at the dance from very different directions. And while one person cannot make nor break a relationship, it helps enormously to comprehend a partner’s thought concepts and patterns.

Through the following pages, we will unveil the five hidden keys to the male mind. These keys unlock the locks to the secret of men. By knowing and utilizing them, you can understand (and deal with) over eighty percent of a man’s behavior, as well as decipher the motivation behind it.

Sound far fetched? Men have presented an enigma for women since the time of Adam and Eve. But within closed analytic circles, the mystery called man is well known and well understood. This privileged information, combined with my extensive experience as a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, will provide you with the keys for understanding the men in your midst.

Men’s minds work differently than do women’s. This is not a news flash. But it is both a biological and a psychological phenomenon.

All brains begin female. The presence of a Y chromosome in the fetus, however, means that the developing brain becomes influenced by testosterone, which alters its course. So perhaps the diagnosis of “testosterone poisoning” is not without some merit. In essence, a man’s brain is destined to be male from birth, with testosterone playing a vital part in this fate.

Of course, the psychological route of males progresses differently from that of females.

Many strive to explain how a man thinks, and how that differs from women’s thinking. Doing so provides useful information, but is only part of the story. We will go a step further, showing why a man thinks and acts the way he does, which broadens understanding, and makes the how a more valuable tool.

Checklists, case studies, and questionnaires follow each chapter, with specific steps for applying the insights to your daily life.

What, then, are these five keys?

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Five Keys for Understanding Men, A Woman’s Guide

Goodreads

 

Understanding men has baffled women since the time of Adam and Eve. But among psychiatric professionals, the mystery called man is well known. From the profound insights of a male psychoanalyst, this privileged information finally becomes public.

Five principles drive the lives of men. By knowing them, anyone can understand the majority of male behavior, and learn to predict it.

Available Now!

 

INTRODUCTION

The Five Golden Keys

“He’s a walking contradiction/Partly truth and partly fiction.” –Kris Kristofferson

My Kitchen Table, Over Diet Coke:

“I can’t believe men think that way!” Susan, my sister, said. “Does testosterone remove all powers of reason?”

“Don’t even ask him,” my wife responded. “He’s certifiable. And one of them.”

“Look,” I said calmly, “I’m very easy to understand. Men are easy to understand. In fact, if you know just five things, you can predict a man’s behavior eighty percent of the time.”

“Hm,” Susan said and sighed, “then we oughta write a book . . .”

Understanding men–a simple concept. But how would you react to the statement: “Men are easy to understand”? With laughter? Chagrin? Disbelief? For most women, the male mind may as well have been programmed by alien beings.

I have counseled thousands of women. And the most common complaint voiced is, “I can’t understand my man’s behavior–he’s unpredictable, he’s erratic.” Or, more bluntly, “Testosterone poisoned his brain.” As fourteen-year-old Jill Malone put it, “I think, therefore I am not a man.”

Answers to questions about husbands, brothers, fathers, and sons however, do exist.

It takes two to tango, but men and women arrive at the dance from very different directions. And while one person cannot make nor break a relationship, it helps enormously to comprehend a partner’s thought concepts and patterns.

Through the following pages, we will unveil the five hidden keys to the male mind. These keys unlock the locks to the secret of men. By knowing and utilizing them, you can understand (and deal with) over eighty percent of a man’s behavior, as well as decipher the motivation behind it.

Sound far fetched? Men have presented an enigma for women since the time of Adam and Eve. But within closed analytic circles, the mystery called man is well known and well understood. This privileged information, combined with my extensive experience as a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, will provide you with the keys for understanding the men in your midst.

Men’s minds work differently than do women’s. This is not a news flash. But it is both a biological and a psychological phenomenon.

All brains begin female. The presence of a Y chromosome in the fetus, however, means that the developing brain becomes influenced by testosterone, which alters its course. So perhaps the diagnosis of “testosterone poisoning” is not without some merit. In essence, a man’s brain is destined to be male from birth, with testosterone playing a vital part in this fate.

Of course, the psychological route of males progresses differently from that of females.

Many strive to explain how a man thinks, and how that differs from women’s thinking. Doing so provides useful information, but is only part of the story. We will go a step further, showing why a man thinks and acts the way he does, which broadens understanding, and makes the how a more valuable tool.

Checklists, case studies, and questionnaires follow each chapter, with specific steps for applying the insights to your daily life.

What, then, are these five keys?

My Short List of Great Novels and Why

Isn’t it difficult to name your favorite books?

Or, maybe not.

But I love so many of them, narrowing down a list proves, well, tough.

I posted a few weeks ago about why I love Lit Fic. And mentioned that if someone was seeking a good read, I’d be glad to give a list.

Many folks took me up on it!

So here’s short list and why (my long list would take 3 days to get through), off the top of my head. Although I’m sure as soon as I post this, I’ll think of 20 more! And I’m limiting this to novels for the same reason (although I love nonfiction too).

And no, they aren’t in any particular order except for the final one 

What On Earth Is My Purpose?

Ever wondered that?

Women especially tend to ponder the question (or as my friends say about me, obsess!). Men, not so much. Men are after all simpler beings. Don’t throw tomatoes at me for that sentiment! That’s from pretty much all therapists’ theories about the differences in makeup between men and women. But as women wear more and more hats, often the thing that brings core meaning to their lives gets lost.

Of course the great Viktor Frankl asked that very question in Man’s Search for Meaning, which I love, love, love. But that’s a bit serious for me right at this second.

I have to confess though, as my “day job” took more and more of my time, cutting deeper and deeper into my writing world, I often would wake up wondering about my purpose. And though I absolutely love helping writers realize their dreams, one day I realized that my own were teetering precariously above an abyss.

Okay, so that may be a bit dramatic (and yes, the idea of me and drama shocks those who know me:).

But anyway, the less I wrote, the crazier I became. And the more flattened out. The drier. Life lost its passion. It’s luster. And I started feeling old! Old! How could that be? I’m still the baby of the family. That’s one of those wonderful things—I’ll always be the baby of the family.

But again, I digress (my friends are hooting here).

What exactly is purpose of life?

The thing is, I, like you, am good at many things. I often say that if I had another life to lead, I’d be an investigative journalist (one of those things I did in an earlier incarnation in this life). Or, I’d run race horses (ditto). I loved those things. I was good at those things. But they didn’t drive my passion.

You know that feeling. Women speak to me about it almost every day. Knowing, inherently that there’s gotta be something more. The “is this all there is?” feeling. In today’s world of nanosecond pace, of paying the piper, of always being connected, of, well, all the insanity we call living, without attending to that small still voice of “purpose,” at the end of the day we wonder what it was all for.

And I know mine. I’ve known it since I was a little girl. That thing that puts zing in my step and blood rushing through my veins and a smile on face is writing stories. I was actually somewhat famous as an elementary-school child for my poetry (they generously neglected to tell me how awful it was!). The oft-repeated one still: “Knights were bold, even when it was cold.” I never said you had to be good at that thing that drives you

But oddly enough, if you pursue and practice your passion—whatever it is—not only do you sing and smile more often, but you get better and better at it too.

Once I started having that “is that all there is” feeling, I knew exactly what I had to do. So I started on a plan to write more, and edit less. I’ll always edit, some. But over the last few years, I set that goal in motion, with a plan. And I’m working that plan.

In fact, I gave myself the entire month of July off (as a birthday present) to finish my new novel(the wine one I’ve been talking about for a while). Oh, my! Was that just heaven. And nothing allows a writer to deepen a work like being immersed in it.

So what is it you love that you’re pushing aside? What floats that boat of yours (even if the bindings feel old)?

That thing. Focus on that thing. It brings happiness along with a reason for living, rather than just existing.

BANNING BOOKS, SO MISGUIDED THAT IT BOGGLES . .

This isn’t a new thing. Books have been (insanely) banned for centuries, for a host of reasons. We sort of laugh about it in publishing, knowing that a banned book will be read by gazillions of folks because of it.

Highland Park High School, in Dallas Texas, took to this true insanity a few years ago. Books now needing permission slips from parents include: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne and A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway. These are for 11th-grade Advanced Placement English students, who elect to take the college-level course. This resulted from parents deeming books too mature for teens.

Seriously? They offended parents’ sensibilities, in one way or another, and adults literally had one book jerked while the students were reading it—which meant the teachers couldn’t discuss the themes in their classrooms.

The debate grew so heated that in September of 2014, the superintendent suspended seven books, then reversed the decision after heated backlash.

And while I do rejoice that the parents at least knew what their kids were reading, and were involved, and parents should have a say in what their kids are taught, this banned list is so misguided that it boggles the mind. Especially one.

The Art of Racing in the Rain?!?! A book about what it means to follow your dreams, about true compassion and love. About fighting for those you love, against astronomical odds. Truly, about the art of living.

And those same kids are watching The Real Housewives of Nekkid City, the characters drunk half the time, boobs hanging out, cursing like sailors, without a moral fiber between them. Don’t tell me kids aren’t—I hear them talking about it.

When my nieces were teenagers, I was a lifeline for them. They could tell me anything—and did. Dear God, what I learned. As my niece’s friend said, “We can talk to you, Aunt Sue, ‘cause you’re not really an adult.” I took that as high praise then, and still do. Because by being able to tell me anything, we got through some fairly perilous times.

The teenage passage is a tumultuous one, filled with demons and ogres at the gates. It’s complicated, although adults often laugh that off. But the journey is fraught with perils, with the potential of lifetime mistakes at every curve. Many of which can produce lasting results of ruin. Yep, sounds a bit purple. But true. And it never ceases to amaze me how adults get teenage amnesia, burying so deeply their own troubles from the time, believing their own kids are skating through.

No one skates through.

One thing I know for true is that old saying: “Your children are leading very different lives from the ones you think they are.” Yeah, buddy. Even the goodiest two-shoes of the bunch is well aware of what’s going on, and dealing with it. So let’s jerk works of wonderful literature from them and replace it with platitudes and BS.

A sophomore from Highland Park High School said it best, in an NPR interview: “We’re dealing with so much more than what’s in these books.” Out of the mouths of babes.

Far Beit that we challenge them with thought, dissecting moral issues, presenting them with quandaries from which they grow. Oh, no. Instead feed them television pablum—and worse.

Because the point is, that’s exactly what great works of literature do: They cause you to think. To feel. To be faced with moral quandaries and grapple with what you would do about them. To read about the “other” in our midst and realize that she’s not so different from us after all . . .

So today, get a banned book for your teenager to read. Read it as she does. Talk about it. Listen to her thoughts about what happens, choices made, moral decisions. You just might learn something about what’s actually going on in her world.

But don’t get too excited about that. She’ll still keep her secrets. And hopefully, she has an old Aunt Sue to tell them to . . .

How do you get your kids to talk about issues?

Things Go Wrong. Get Over It. 4 Failsafe Ways To Do It

Don’t you just hate when things go wrong. No question mark needed on the end of that sentence. Because as humans, we hate when it happens. At least initially.

And while I’m a proponent of feeling the hurt, pain, anger—whatever emotion—I know I can’t stay there.

You know it too.

And whether you had a career setback, a romance foiled, a friendship gotten prickly, the car won’t start or the carpet came up, most times you’re left with having to do something about it. Talk about adding insult to injury! I don’t know how many times I’ve looked at a flat tire and said, “Fix your ownself.”

Of course, said tire never did. And not much else does either.

Isn’t it just a truth of this life that we have to spend the effort to take care of the stuff that’s broken in whatever way, whether looking for a new job, working through that friendship problem, calling the carpet folks, or soothing our own broken hearts.

For me, anyway, it’s easy to get caught up in the pity pot if I’m not careful. Real careful. I do give myself a set time to wallow, but it’s not a long time. And then the focus has to turn to going forward.

And don’t’cha know that’s easier said than done!

So here’s a list of what to I do when things go wrong. It’s a short list, but then, when I’m upset, I need to cut to the chase.

1. The How of It.

Although we all know that asking some kinds of ‘why’ questions is fruitless—why did this happen to me?—the understanding of what went wrong and how that came about sure helps me to see my own part.

I do believe we create our own realities, so I always have a part in the problem. Even if it was simply that my attitude stunk.

Then, I can go on to what I can do differently in the future. I find that comforting. For God’s sake, the last thing I want to do is repeat mistakes!

2. Forgiving Myself and Others.

That part, I just gotta do. Otherwise, I replay the transgressions over and over in my head, and the pain and suffering (no matter how the emotion comes out) remains. And this is especially a tough one for me if I’m more than a little at fault. Takes me longer to forgive myself than to forgive you! But that’s a topic for another day.

Something that’s come up for me quite often of late is not to judge. I’ve been re-watching The Power of Myth (so love Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers!) and Campbell has a long segment of how myths from all cultures have the same motif of non-judgment and forgiveness. About how even in the face of mass killings, starvations, whatever horror faces us today, our job isn’t to judge. That doesn’t mean we don’t take action to correct said horror, but just that we don’t attach judgment to it.

I’m still working on this one. Especially in light of Charlottesville, but again, another topic for another day . . . .

And of course, I take more consolation from the words of writers, as in Oscar Wilde’s take on this: “Everyone may not be good, but there’s always something good in everyone. Never judge anyone shortly because every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”

And I have to laugh—this is something I tell my writers all the time about creating multi-faceted characters!

Once I go through that process (although both of those are often ongoing until I dig it all out), I get to the one that actually shoots me forward:

3. Will this matter 6 months—or even 6 weeks—from now?

That speaks to ‘how important is it,’ but I can’t think of it that way yet.

At first, my ego shouts, “This is vital! If x doesn’t happen we die!”

Now, your ego might not be as dramatic as mine, but that’s where I usually go.

But by looking at the occurrence in the harsh light of day, I can almost always discern whether I’ll even think about it months or even weeks from now. And if I won’t, well, shoot! Why am I stressing over it today? Call the stinking plumber and get on with it!

4. And Finally, Acceptance of Things I Cannot Change.

Yep, the old 12-step motto (I learned an awfully lot in the Al-anon groups). Maybe I shouldn’t have driven the Mini Cooper down that dirt road. Or, maybe it picked up the nail in a paved parking lot. Who knows. The thing is, the tire’s flat, so again, fix it!

Course, that sentiment’s easier with something as simple as a tire. Matters of the heart, in all fashions, are different indeed.

But if Viktor Frankl, who had things far worse than I can ever imagine, can do this, than so can I: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

How do you get over setbacks?

I Just Came Here To Dance

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Goodreads

 

I Just Came Here to Dance will be republished in the Fall of 2015! Sign up for my newsletter for more details, and to hear about other upcoming new releases, exclusive giveaways, and to receive free books and short stories!

Available Now!

“When you dance, the whole Universe dances.” (Rumi)

When myth and desire collide, can the simple truth prevail?

Paula Anne Fairbanks understands all about the unexamined life. And she likes hers that way. Until her world gets ripped smooth apart.

Running from reality, Paula falls under the mythological spells being spun on Diana Maclean’s porch. Surely Paula’s own choices aren’t to blame for the summer of insanity she spends at Diana’s (known as the White Witch of Sociable, Texas). But do the stories that Diana tells relate at all to real life? If so, is existence then, truly a fairy tale?

I Just Came Here to Dance, a modern allegory, waltzes atop the line between the creative and the crazy, between the sacred and the maligned. Through myths it weaves together the multi-layers of personal Self with that of the collective whole. And finally, Paula Anne and the townsfolk learn the simplest of truths—that the fire’s ashes produce wisdom and courage, just as the stories say.

“I rarely read fiction anymore, but Susan Mary Malone’s novel has won back my fiction heart again. I wish more novelists would literally take a page from Susan’s soulfully beautiful book and write with such depth and passion. I felt like I was peeking through the curtains of her characters and watching their lives unfold before my eyes–the sign of a good fiction author/writer. I became a part of her book – the reader as the observer.  I was entranced with her richly textured characters. I loved that her characters sound like real people with real problems and drama, and not cookie-cutter characters just thrown into the middle of a plot. I highly, highly recommend this book for women’s book clubs as the messages are strong and empowering. Women will be able to relate to Susan’s strong female characters. A book that will move your heart and soul!” – Therese Pope, Amazon reviewer

“This is a wonderful piece of literature from an author who’s in total control of her craft. From the very first page, the characters leap from the pages in vivid description and meticulous imagery. I loved the story which takes place in a small Texas town. You get to know the characters well, and find yourself emerging yourself in their lives. I highly recommend this outstanding book which is destined for the bestsellers list!” – Randy Mitchell, Amazon reviewer

“This story had me hooked from the first page.  All the characters are so fully developed you feel as if you could “sit on the porch” with them for hours and still learn something new about them each time – and also about yourself. I especially related to the small town Texas attitude toward women so I was rooting for Diana and all her “strays” from beginning to end. This is a story that will stay with you for a very long time.” – Daniel Gutierrez, Amazon reviewer

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Fourth and Long: The Kent Waldrep Story

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Goodreads

 

On October 26, 1974, during a hard-fought Alabama/Texas Christian University football game, TCU star running back Ken Waldrep ran into a wall of Alabama tacklers and landed head-first on the artificial turf.

His life as a star athlete was finished.

But quadriplegia couldn’t slow him down. At 25, Kent formed what became the American Paralysis Foundation. As vice-chair of the National Council on Disability (appointed by Ronald Reagan), Kent helped draft the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Recent advances in spinal cord injury keep proving out his belief in a cure, to which Kent Waldrep has dedicated his life.

FOURTH AND LONG: The Kent Waldrep Story is available on Amazon from The Crossroad Publishing Company as hardcover non-fiction.

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