Susan Mary Malone's Blog: Happiness is a Story, page 3
March 9, 2019
What’s Wrong With My Family? And How to Live Your Best Life Anyway
[image error]Goodreads
Family.
We all have one.
And with all the gifts they bring, along comes at least a few lumps of coal-from some friction to downright anger and dysfunction.
What’s a healthy family anyway? What’s a toxic one? Where is the middle ground? And how do you navigate family relationships to negotiate conflict resolution?
WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY FAMILY explores the problems stemming from even the healthiest to the most destructive ones. Most important, it teaches what issues arise within you from your own family of origin, and how to heal from the wounds. A book of hope, it shows that no matter where you come from, you can live your best life anyway.
What’s Wrong With My Family? And How to Live Your Best Life Anyway
is available in ebook and paperback on Amazon.
This book is FILLED with tools to help you heal. From the moment you came into the world, you were either treated well or not. Yes, there are in-betweens. The thing is, if you were not treated well and want to enjoy your life in spite of this, this book is what can help you. Learn how you can become a better person. Learn how you can move on and be who you want to be. Learn what you want in life. It’s much like a toolbox. Read the book. Put it on your shelf and dig it out when you need a tool. Put it back on the shelf for the next time you need it. We all come from a family. How did you come out? –Judith Peterson
Introduction
Down the rabbit hole
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s own attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
“My family is so awful. It’s impossible to be around my relatives without getting upset, but I have no choice. You can’t choose your family, can you. I should have been raised by wolves!”
This scene has repeated in my office and on hospital rounds countless times in my years as a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. Variations occur with my friends and neighbors, and yes, within my own family and household. The sentiment is universal.
So, is everybody’s family dysfunctional? Actually, yes! It’s just a matter of degree. Can you “fix” your family dysfunction? With about the same degree of success as bending spoons with your brain waves. But you can adjust to your family and sometimes influence the whole. And, you can still have your “best life” regardless of the nature of whatever pack of wolves from which you might have emerged.
The trick is to understand what actually happened, and what is happening to you, and to set a course through your own values and boundaries to escape unscathed. You must be you, but still a part of “them.” Daunting perhaps, but very possible.
Because we literally cannot escape our families.
What’s Wrong With My Family? And How to Live Your Best Life Anyway
is available in ebook and paperback on Amazon.
By The Book
[image error]Goodreads
In order to be a “good Christian,” Nettie Rhodes has accepted her husband’s authority in their marriage, and his idea of what her role should be.
Although he enforces his beliefs through emotional and physical control, this is not the story of abuse.
It is about the subjugation of women’s minds and hearts, the subtle incarceration of the soul.
But, more importantly, it tells the story of awakening, and of walking out of the fog into freedom.
By The Book is published by Baskerville Publishers, Inc., and is available as hardcover fiction through Amazon.
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Goodreads
I Just Came Here to Dance will be republished in the Fall of 2015! Sign up for my newsletter for more details, and to hear about other upcoming new releases, exclusive giveaways, and to receive free books and short stories!
“When you dance, the whole Universe dances.” (Rumi)
When myth and desire collide, can the simple truth prevail?
Paula Anne Fairbanks understands all about the unexamined life. And she likes hers that way. Until her world gets ripped smooth apart.
Running from reality, Paula falls under the mythological spells being spun on Diana Maclean’s porch. Surely Paula’s own choices aren’t to blame for the summer of insanity she spends at Diana’s (known as the White Witch of Sociable, Texas). But do the stories that Diana tells relate at all to real life? If so, is existence then, truly a fairy tale?
I Just Came Here to Dance, a modern allegory, waltzes atop the line between the creative and the crazy, between the sacred and the maligned. Through myths it weaves together the multi-layers of personal Self with that of the collective whole. And finally, Paula Anne and the townsfolk learn the simplest of truths—that the fire’s ashes produce wisdom and courage, just as the stories say.
“I rarely read fiction anymore, but Susan Mary Malone’s novel has won back my fiction heart again. I wish more novelists would literally take a page from Susan’s soulfully beautiful book and write with such depth and passion. I felt like I was peeking through the curtains of her characters and watching their lives unfold before my eyes–the sign of a good fiction author/writer. I became a part of her book – the reader as the observer. I was entranced with her richly textured characters. I loved that her characters sound like real people with real problems and drama, and not cookie-cutter characters just thrown into the middle of a plot. I highly, highly recommend this book for women’s book clubs as the messages are strong and empowering. Women will be able to relate to Susan’s strong female characters. A book that will move your heart and soul!” – Therese Pope, Amazon reviewer
“This is a wonderful piece of literature from an author who’s in total control of her craft. From the very first page, the characters leap from the pages in vivid description and meticulous imagery. I loved the story which takes place in a small Texas town. You get to know the characters well, and find yourself emerging yourself in their lives. I highly recommend this outstanding book which is destined for the bestsellers list!” – Randy Mitchell, Amazon reviewer
“This story had me hooked from the first page. All the characters are so fully developed you feel as if you could “sit on the porch” with them for hours and still learn something new about them each time – and also about yourself. I especially related to the small town Texas attitude toward women so I was rooting for Diana and all her “strays” from beginning to end. This is a story that will stay with you for a very long time.” – Daniel Gutierrez, Amazon reviewer
Fourth and Long: The Kent Waldrep Story
Goodreads
On October 26, 1974, during a hard-fought Alabama/Texas Christian University football game, TCU star running back Ken Waldrep ran into a wall of Alabama tacklers and landed head-first on the artificial turf.
His life as a star athlete was finished.
But quadriplegia couldn’t slow him down. At 25, Kent formed what became the American Paralysis Foundation. As vice-chair of the National Council on Disability (appointed by Ronald Reagan), Kent helped draft the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Recent advances in spinal cord injury keep proving out his belief in a cure, to which Kent Waldrep has dedicated his life.
FOURTH AND LONG: The Kent Waldrep Story is available on Amazon from The Crossroad Publishing Company as hardcover non-fiction.
What’s Wrong With My Family? And How to Live Your Best Life Anyway
Goodreads
Family.
We all have one.
And with all the gifts they bring, along comes at least a few lumps of coal-from some friction to downright anger and dysfunction.
What’s a healthy family anyway? What’s a toxic one? Where is the middle ground? And how do you navigate family relationships to negotiate conflict resolution?
WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY FAMILY explores the problems stemming from even the healthiest to the most destructive ones. Most important, it teaches what issues arise within you from your own family of origin, and how to heal from the wounds. A book of hope, it shows that no matter where you come from, you can live your best life anyway.
What’s Wrong With My Family? And How to Live Your Best Life Anyway
is available in ebook and paperback on Amazon.
This book is FILLED with tools to help you heal. From the moment you came into the world, you were either treated well or not. Yes, there are in-betweens. The thing is, if you were not treated well and want to enjoy your life in spite of this, this book is what can help you. Learn how you can become a better person. Learn how you can move on and be who you want to be. Learn what you want in life. It’s much like a toolbox. Read the book. Put it on your shelf and dig it out when you need a tool. Put it back on the shelf for the next time you need it. We all come from a family. How did you come out? –Judith Peterson
Introduction
Down the rabbit hole
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s own attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
“My family is so awful. It’s impossible to be around my relatives without getting upset, but I have no choice. You can’t choose your family, can you. I should have been raised by wolves!”
This scene has repeated in my office and on hospital rounds countless times in my years as a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. Variations occur with my friends and neighbors, and yes, within my own family and household. The sentiment is universal.
So, is everybody’s family dysfunctional? Actually, yes! It’s just a matter of degree. Can you “fix” your family dysfunction? With about the same degree of success as bending spoons with your brain waves. But you can adjust to your family and sometimes influence the whole. And, you can still have your “best life” regardless of the nature of whatever pack of wolves from which you might have emerged.
The trick is to understand what actually happened, and what is happening to you, and to set a course through your own values and boundaries to escape unscathed. You must be you, but still a part of “them.” Daunting perhaps, but very possible.
Because we literally cannot escape our families.
What’s Wrong With My Family? And How to Live Your Best Life Anyway
is available in ebook and paperback on Amazon.
By The Book
Goodreads
In order to be a “good Christian,” Nettie Rhodes has accepted her husband’s authority in their marriage, and his idea of what her role should be.
Although he enforces his beliefs through emotional and physical control, this is not the story of abuse.
It is about the subjugation of women’s minds and hearts, the subtle incarceration of the soul.
But, more importantly, it tells the story of awakening, and of walking out of the fog into freedom.
By The Book is published by Baskerville Publishers, Inc., and is available as hardcover fiction through Amazon.
Body Sculpting: The Weisbeck Way
Goodreads
The ultimate fitness how-to, combining state-of-the-art nutrition and exercise, from the most successful trainer of pageant swimsuit winners to date.
“Trained with Chuck personally for Swimsuit Competition in the Miss America Organization (years ago). Girls came from all over the country, just to train with him … he was the BEST! I can still hear his voice saying “Boom, boom, boom, boom …” to push me when doing his famous “bun busters”. Was it hard and challenging? … YES … Was it worth it? … YES!! He was known in the industry as “Chuck the Butcher” because he “trims the fat”. No excuses, solid program and RESULTS! If you are dedicated, his insight and council will transform your body and overall health!! Oh how I wish there were MORE trainers out there like him.” – Dawn Siska, Miss America Competitor
“I knew Mr. Weisbeck personally and trained with him for several years. His exercise and nutrition plan was developed with years and years of knowledge. This is a very sound program that is not only going to help you develope the body your capable of, but it is a healthful program. You can’t go wrong.” – J. L. Carroll, LMT
You can find Body Sculpting: The Chuck Weisbeck Way on Amazon.
Over The Pass, and Other Stories
Goodreads
Over The Pass Media Kit
August 23, 2017
Things Go Wrong. Get Over It. 4 Failsafe Ways To Do It
Don’t you just hate when things go wrong. No question mark needed on the end of that sentence. Because as humans, we hate when it happens. At least initially.
And while I’m a proponent of feeling the hurt, pain, anger—whatever emotion—I know I can’t stay there.
You know it too.
And whether you had a career setback, a romance foiled, a friendship gotten prickly, the car won’t start or the carpet came up, most times you’re left with having to do something about it. Talk about adding insult to injury! I don’t know how many times I’ve looked at a flat tire and said, “Fix your ownself.”
Of course, said tire never did. And not much else does either.
Isn’t it just a truth of this life that we have to spend the effort to take care of the stuff that’s broken in whatever way, whether looking for a new job, working through that friendship problem, calling the carpet folks, or soothing our own broken hearts.
For me, anyway, it’s easy to get caught up in the pity pot if I’m not careful. Real careful. I do give myself a set time to wallow, but it’s not a long time. And then the focus has to turn to going forward.
And don’t’cha know that’s easier said than done!
So here’s a list of what to I do when things go wrong. It’s a short list, but then, when I’m upset, I need to cut to the chase.
1. The How of It.Although we all know that asking some kinds of ‘why’ questions is fruitless—why did this happen to me?—the understanding of what went wrong and how that came about sure helps me to see my own part.
I do believe we create our own realities, so I always have a part in the problem. Even if it was simply that my attitude stunk.
Then, I can go on to what I can do differently in the future. I find that comforting. For God’s sake, the last thing I want to do is repeat mistakes!
2. Forgiving Myself and Others.That part, I just gotta do. Otherwise, I replay the transgressions over and over in my head, and the pain and suffering (no matter how the emotion comes out) remains. And this is especially a tough one for me if I’m more than a little at fault. Takes me longer to forgive myself than to forgive you! But that’s a topic for another day.
Something that’s come up for me quite often of late is not to judge. I’ve been re-watching The Power of Myth (so love Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers!) and Campbell has a long segment of how myths from all cultures have the same motif of non-judgment and forgiveness. About how even in the face of mass killings, starvations, whatever horror faces us today, our job isn’t to judge. That doesn’t mean we don’t take action to correct said horror, but just that we don’t attach judgment to it.
I’m still working on this one. Especially in light of Charlottesville, but again, another topic for another day . . . .
And of course, I take more consolation from the words of writers, as in Oscar Wilde’s take on this: “Everyone may not be good, but there’s always something good in everyone. Never judge anyone shortly because every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”
And I have to laugh—this is something I tell my writers all the time about creating multi-faceted characters!
Once I go through that process (although both of those are often ongoing until I dig it all out), I get to the one that actually shoots me forward:
3. Will this matter 6 months—or even 6 weeks—from now?That speaks to ‘how important is it,’ but I can’t think of it that way yet.
At first, my ego shouts, “This is vital! If x doesn’t happen we die!”
Now, your ego might not be as dramatic as mine, but that’s where I usually go.
But by looking at the occurrence in the harsh light of day, I can almost always discern whether I’ll even think about it months or even weeks from now. And if I won’t, well, shoot! Why am I stressing over it today? Call the stinking plumber and get on with it!
4. And Finally, Acceptance of Things I Cannot Change.Yep, the old 12-step motto (I learned an awfully lot in the Al-anon groups). Maybe I shouldn’t have driven the Mini Cooper down that dirt road. Or, maybe it picked up the nail in a paved parking lot. Who knows. The thing is, the tire’s flat, so again, fix it!
Course, that sentiment’s easier with something as simple as a tire. Matters of the heart, in all fashions, are different indeed.
But if Viktor Frankl, who had things far worse than I can ever imagine, can do this, than so can I: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
How do you get over setbacks?
The post Things Go Wrong. Get Over It. 4 Failsafe Ways To Do It appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.
August 16, 2017
BANNING BOOKS, SO MISGUIDED THAT IT BOGGLES . . .
This isn’t a new thing. Books have been (insanely) banned for centuries, for a host of reasons. We sort of laugh about it in publishing, knowing that a banned book will be read by gazillions of folks because of it.
Highland Park High School, in Dallas Texas, took to this true insanity a few years ago. Books now needing permission slips from parents include: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne and A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway. These are for 11th-grade Advanced Placement English students, who elect to take the college-level course. This resulted from parents deeming books too mature for teens.
Seriously? They offended parents’ sensibilities, in one way or another, and adults literally had one book jerked while the students were reading it—which meant the teachers couldn’t discuss the themes in their classrooms.
The debate grew so heated that in September of 2014, the superintendent suspended seven books, then reversed the decision after heated backlash.
And while I do rejoice that the parents at least knew what their kids were reading, and were involved, and parents should have a say in what their kids are taught, this banned list is so misguided that it boggles the mind. Especially one.
The Art of Racing in the Rain?!?! A book about what it means to follow your dreams, about true compassion and love. About fighting for those you love, against astronomical odds. Truly, about the art of living.
And those same kids are watching The Real Housewives of Nekkid City, the characters drunk half the time, boobs hanging out, cursing like sailors, without a moral fiber between them. Don’t tell me kids aren’t—I hear them talking about it.
When my nieces were teenagers, I was a lifeline for them. They could tell me anything—and did. Dear God, what I learned. As my niece’s friend said, “We can talk to you, Aunt Sue, ‘cause you’re not really an adult.” I took that as high praise then, and still do. Because by being able to tell me anything, we got through some fairly perilous times.
The teenage passage is a tumultuous one, filled with demons and ogres at the gates. It’s complicated, although adults often laugh that off. But the journey is fraught with perils, with the potential of lifetime mistakes at every curve. Many of which can produce lasting results of ruin. Yep, sounds a bit purple. But true. And it never ceases to amaze me how adults get teenage amnesia, burying so deeply their own troubles from the time, believing their own kids are skating through.
No one skates through.
One thing I know for true is that old saying: “Your children are leading very different lives from the ones you think they are.” Yeah, buddy. Even the goodiest two-shoes of the bunch is well aware of what’s going on, and dealing with it. So let’s jerk works of wonderful literature from them and replace it with platitudes and BS.
A sophomore from Highland Park High School said it best, in an NPR interview: “We’re dealing with so much more than what’s in these books.” Out of the mouths of babes.
Far Beit that we challenge them with thought, dissecting moral issues, presenting them with quandaries from which they grow. Oh, no. Instead feed them television pablum—and worse.
Because the point is, that’s exactly what great works of literature do: They cause you to think. To feel. To be faced with moral quandaries and grapple with what you would do about them. To read about the “other” in our midst and realize that she’s not so different from us after all . . .
So today, get a banned book for your teenager to read. Read it as she does. Talk about it. Listen to her thoughts about what happens, choices made, moral decisions. You just might learn something about what’s actually going on in her world.
But don’t get too excited about that. She’ll still keep her secrets. And hopefully, she has an old Aunt Sue to tell them to . . .
How do you get your kids to talk about issues?
The post BANNING BOOKS, SO MISGUIDED THAT IT BOGGLES . . . appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.
Happiness is a Story
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