Susan Mary Malone's Blog: Happiness is a Story, page 17

I JUST WANT TO STOMP SOME GRAPES AGAIN

Okay, so honestly it doesn’t even need to be grape stomping, although that’s a ton of fun.  It can be grape picking, pressing, de-stemming, racking.  And of course, tasting.  The exact activity makes no difference to me—I just long to be involved in the fruit of the vine once more!

And not just because I love wine (which of course, I do!).  But in this case my desire has much more to do with what that symbolizes to me.

Which is in a nutshell, my new novel.  Ah, fiction.  True manna from the gods for me.  And this book, set in a Texas vineyard and winery, has had its grip on me for a long time.  It’s the one I had to put down to tend my parents, and then all the legalities surrounding them. When I finally got back to it, I found it fundamentally changed.

That’s the thing about writing fiction: Stories transform as you do.  And of course the real-life sorrows only deepen and enrich one’s prose and characters and all things fiction.

So when I finally did get back to the book, it took me down side roads I never would have imagined. And brought in characters who shocked me by their very presence.  Love when that happens!

I’d been writing on it steadily for quite a while, when I took that pause to have puppies.  Okay, so Siren had puppies!  I had an editor once really ream me for saying that, but in truth, I feel as though I have them as much as my girls do J  It’s a joint venture!

But babies are all gone to their new homes now, except the yellow girl I kept, Murphey.  She’s settling well into the family (asleep at my feet as I write this.  Thank God!  Always let sleeping puppies lie.  You can actually get something done!).

And now the novel is speaking to me again.  Softly, in whispers.  I’d chunked about half of it when I got back to it, and have written almost to the end.  Really, at the end.  But I know how it does finish.  Which shocked me as well!  While often I have a vague sense of how a book ends, well, Ms. Ruth did something even I couldn’t have foreseen.

Now I’m also gobbling up all things wine again.  Planning a trip back out to Red Caboose Winery  to pick grapes as well as the McKibben’s brilliant minds while I’m there.  Love what those guys do, and what they produce.  If you haven’t tried their marvelous vintages, really—you should!  Highly recommend!

Texas viticulture has just grown by leaps and bounds, its wines now garnering country-wide awards and beautiful reviews.  Lucky for me, since my fictional vineyard is set here.  Equally as lucky that so much more research needs to be done!  Tough job but I’m up to it J

So the summer spreads before me with the promise of bountiful grapes not-bursting but glistening in the early pristine sunlight, begging to be picked by eager hands, and the taste of berries and pepper, citrus and oak popping on the tongue.

And all of course in the service of fiction.

Man, do I have a tough job or what?

How will you spend your summer?

 

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ARE YOU SLAPPING HAPPINESS IN THE FACE?

I sure know I can.  I’m fairly good at it, actually. Not the World Champion I once was, but I can still have my moments!

You know those times. And I’m not talking about when events are going badly in any number of ways. But rather, when you’re in the midst of an endeavor you love, lots of things are pressing about it, and you’re so focused on the outcome, all of a sudden you’re just not happy. 

That’s always a smack in the face for me.  Because the point of doing something you love is to cause you to be happy. 

I just had this happen, and it was another great wake-up call.  I’m a hobby show-breeder of English Labradors, and have the most beautiful litter of pups.  I only breed to keep something for me, to show and further my lines.  And as the weeks go by, and my critical eye hones in sharper and sharper (with input from my close breeder friends), I feel myself getting a bit more tense with each passing day.

Only, I don’t really realize it.  That’s sort of like the frog-in-the-pot scenario, where the frog gets put in tepid water he can easily jump out of.  And then the heat’s turned up and the water warms ever so slowly, and before the frog knows it, he’s boiling along with it and can no longer jump out.

I know, a bit dramatic. Nobody is gonna die here!

But keeping what’s truly best for me from a litter can get tricky.  Sometimes it’s clear as the Caribbean Sea.  Sometimes, murky like the ocean at Galveston Bay.

And I had more than one pup treading atop those white-capped waters.

So, I obsess.  I can make a case for this one or that one, or maybe . . .

As the critical 8-week time drew nearer, I woke up the night before final grading in a cold sweat!  I’m keeping the wrong puppy!  Eeeekkkk! 

You would have thought this concerned World Peace.

And I had to sit myself down and basically say, “What the $!?! is wrong with you!”

Lol.  Sometimes I have to get my own attention.

Because here I sit with beautiful babies.  What a great problem to have in deciding between them, and I’m not happy? 

Wake up, girl!

And my friend, Judy Brizendine, author of Stunned by Grief, must have read my mail when she posted: Stop overthinking.  You can’t control everything.  Just let it be. 

Okay, so I know she didn’t post it just for me!  But you know how it feels that way sometime.  Thank you, Judy!

I instantly calmed.  I had to wake myself up first with that STOP function I talk about a lot. And then the message I needed came smack into my face as well.  Which led me to being content. 

And with that calm contentment comes rational thought.  And I realize the puppy I’m keeping is beautiful and what I wanted from this breeding and I love her already.

And I laugh at my own silliness at letting anything mar this magical time!  Anything of course being my own crazy thinking. 

Now I’m smiling and laughing and oh-so-happy again.

Mythologist Joseph Campbell often spoke of myths being the experience of life, and that was what we were all truly seeking.  I love when he said, “You don’t ask what a dance means, you enjoy it. You don’t ask what the world means, you enjoy it. You don’t ask what you mean, you enjoy yourself; or at least, so you do when you are up to snuff.” –Myths to Live By

Now I gotta go and kiss my new puppy!

How do you get out of your own way?

 

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FAKING IT ALL THE WAY TO A NICE DAY

If you’re in a bad mood, that title just might have made you gnash your teeth.

“A nice day?” you might say.  “Let me tell you about my day, and you can see how nice it is!  So much for this positive hooey!”

Yep, we’ve all had that feeling.  A lot of times when I want to wallow in anger, sadness, frustration—pick a negative emotion—being faced with a positive sentiment makes that little voice within me want to scream.

Even though I know it works 

So, the first thing I do is shake off the knee-jerk reaction. Because it is a knee-jerk reaction, no?  Our attitudes from childhood tend to follow us into adulthood—the good and the bad.  But we can change them—by acting.

So then, I remember the facts of this title.  We have the science to prove it.

And then, I act to change my disposition.

Over the last 30 years, social scientists, through well-documented research have shown that not only our thoughts but the actions we take leave a trail within our psyches.  I often quote Martin Seligman’s work, and also love that of David G. Myers, Ph.D. Chiefly because, well, I like the science behind theories     And Myers maintain that we’re as likely to act ourselves into thinking in a new way as we are to try to think ourselves there.

That tweaks me.  But what does it mean, exactly?

It means that by pretending to be more confident, acting as if you are optimistic and outgoing, you will actually become that way.

In other words, faking it ‘til you make it.

One experiment had people writing essays in either a self-enhancing or a self-deprecating way.  Amazingly, those who acted as if they were intelligent, caring, and sensitive, later described themselves as having higher self-esteem!

Don’t you just love when science backs up theory.  Yep, I already said that.  Always bears repeating for me!

For the longest time, I thought this saying was just phony.  I mean, I’m not big on lying to myself (that’s a long dark road).  And telling myself something I didn’t believe to be the facts, well, that sounded a lot like lying to me.

Oddly when I started practicing it (hey, I’ll try most anything that won’t kill me once), I found to my complete surprise that it wasn’t like that at all!  Rather, doing so felt like taking on a new job.  You know how the first few days you feel like an imposter?  Whether you’re a brand-new mom, a promoted executive, are writing a first book, it doesn’t matter what—in the beginning all those voices come up and say, “Why do you feel qualified to do this?”  But after you keep going through more days, acting the role, funny enough, it no longer feels forced.  And then it just fits.  As if you know what you’re doing.

What changed—the job or you?

That’s the method behind acting as if.

That subconscious mind—which is the 95% of us below the conscious iceberg, and governs our lives—can’t discern between truth and fiction. It can only act on the food you give it through your conscious mind.  And if sooner or later I am going to feel confident, sooner or later, I will be happy again, shoot—why not feel that way now?  Why waste time feeding my subconscious negative thoughts?

Sometimes I do need a bit more to push me to act.  Sometimes that’s just a hug from a friend.  Ah, the serotonin rush!  I may even be all better then J

Often, when I just can seem to ferret through, I sit down and journal ideas.  Something has me stuck, and the act of writing sure helps clear the veil from my psyche so I can see.

And then I take the stumbling block and turn it into an opportunity.  Yep, I know—it sounds cliché.  And as an author, I surely hate clichés.  This one works so well for me though, I allow it!  Because I can take a perceived problem and act to work through it.  Or around it.

And then I smile. And we know the very act of smiling makes us happier.  And when we’re happier, we smile more.

And the vicious cycle becomes one instead of confidence, joy, and bliss.

How do you change your thoughts and feelings to be more productive?

 

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FIND JOY WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW

I know you have troubles.  I hear them almost daily, and see them in the lives of my friends.  We all do, no?

Sometimes they’re the life-and-death kind of issues, and finding how to smile through those can be tough.  Many times our problems are mundane—the mortgage, job, kids with school concerns (and if you have adolescents, well, those are perpetual!), troubles with friends or relatives.  The list is endless, no?

And sometimes finding joy during these times is tough indeed.  While we all know that setbacks, tragedies, and failures are part of life, those words can sure ring hollow when you’re in the midst of those things. 

We have a lot of tools for sorting through the negative emotions. When troubles seem to bury me, and mainly when I’m sad, I go back to the big three on my litmus test from the work of Martin Seligman.  And I don’t even ask them as questions, but more as probes:

       Is this personal. Meaning, did I cause it.

Funny enough, sometimes it actually helps when I did cause it.  Because then I know that I can learn from this and do it different next time.

But often, things just happen over which we have no control.  And then I have to remind myself—I have no control over this event, only how I deal with it.

       Is it pervasive. Does this affect my entire world? 

If we’re talking the death of someone close, yes, yes it does.  At least for a time, the clouds are grey and heavy over my soul.  And I know I have to feel those feelings, let them out, and that can take a while.  In actuality, it takes as long as it takes.

But with most things, even though I’d like to say yes (justifies my bad mood!  LOL), my entire world isn’t blue.  Something always exists within that funk to bring me joy.  So it’s my choice whether to focus on the angst-driven or the joyful.  And sometimes I have trouble with that!  You know, we want to wallow a bit . . .

Author Marianne Williamson said, “Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.”

I’ll confess, at times, I’ve gone, “Yeah, well, you don’t know how bad they really are!”

And then I start laughing.  Even while treading water through a huge setback, my life is more secure than 95% of the world’s population.  In fact, the people in the bottom 5% of American income are still richer than 68% of the rest of the world’s inhabitants.  

Okay, then.  That kicks my butt back in gear.

       Is it permanent.

So, with death, it is.  I’m not talking spiritual beliefs as to whether you’ll see that person again, but rather, for now, on this earth, he’s gone.  But even then, he lives in my heart forever.

Most things, however, are only permanent if I stay stuck in them.  A book didn’t turn out (an issue pretty close to my heart!), but other stories await to be written.  And again, whether to focus on the failure or the door opening behind it is always my choice.

I’m big on uplifting quotes.  They soothe me, in many ways.  For one they show me that others have walked through difficulties and made it out.  And while our problems are personal, to see how others have managed, often in far worse conditions, helps to shine the light.

One that just tweaks me, especially when the mountains to climb keep getting larger, one right after another, is from Henry Ford, who surely had a setback or two!  But this one for whatever reason brings for me a big smile, and joy blossoms right behind it:

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” 

So, today, I choose joy.  Come fly with me!

 

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What do You do when Life is Insane?

Who am I?

Oh, dear Lord.  I have no idea!

Although I must say, I’m in a better place than I was a couple of months ago.

Then, I’d just gotten to work after 3 days off.  Well, 3 days off from actual vocational work.  Which meant no writing, blogging, posting, business email, or editing.  All of which occurs every weekday here.

But of course, the reason for that was that I had Labrador puppies.  Five of them.  Scampering around the puppy room like little lunatics because it’d rained so much and so persistently that they couldn’t go outside, their puppy yard being a lake.  Thank god I built on the puppy room!

And we were at the age of receiving visitors, so on all 3 days waves of folks came to see them.  Who can blame anybody?  These are the cutest babies on the planet.  Little stuffed toys come to life.  And people getting one have to come visit before take-home day. After they’ve successfully navigated through reams of background checks and family history, convincing me my puppy will have the best life possible.  And then pass a CIA exam.

And of course for my purposes, the “official” grading then began and I was pretty sure who I’d be keeping J  Okay, so I was sure.  Named too—both registered and call names in the hopper.

Did I mention I love Labradors? See how easy I can get off track.

But anyhow, for all 3 days I was immersed in all that.  Plus the regular cleaning the room and mopping and . . .

Yes, I do tend to get carried away!

So finally early that morning, after feeding the whole crew, I sat back at my desk.

OMG.

Just, where do you begin?  Like you, I juggle far too many balls in the air.  And you know when you’re juggling and happy to keep afloat and your eye drifts for a nano-second and . . .

Yep, they all crash around you in a heap.

Which is what my desk looked like.

I truly thought to just bury my head back under the pillow!

Okay, no.  That thinking doesn’t work. If I’da given that another moment’s thought, I knew exactly where the day’s road would go.  Been there!

And of course, I know what will work.

I usually meditate in the middle of the day, but as soon as I pressed save on my work, I sat quietly, breathing.  At least for a bit.  One task was already done (of course, I love the writing the most of all things on this desk, so it gets accomplished first J

The mediation calmed me—both mind and body.  I saw this desk with new eyes (and a new smile!).  I knew my day and then my week would be stellar.  Each one filled with new successes and joy.  Ah!  I felt better already!

I recount this now as, well, life is of course crazy with or without babies.  But now as I sit here with all of the items that need to get done today and before I start to panic, I can remember that time.  And that I got through it.  Successfully.  And then today doesn’t seem so overwhelming.  Then I can take a deep breath and dive in.

What do you do when life is insane?

 

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THE DECEPTION OF PERFECTIONISM Beast

We pretty much all know that little beast. Perfectionism comes in so many convoluted colors, and wears the oddest array of masks.  And you don’t get too far along in this life before recognizing the negative effects that pursuing it brings.

Got that t-shirt, no?

12-Step Programs are great at pointing this out J

And we do get better as we go along.  Okay, so the house doesn’t have to look perfect when people come over (gave that one up a while back!).

The soufflé doesn’t have to puff perfectly (now see—this just reared its head!  I’ve never even tried a soufflé.  Perhaps I’m scared it’ll crash?).

The story doesn’t have to have every single word in the perfect place (um . . . can we talk about this one a little more?).

The point being, I’m not sure we ever entirely give up the desire for things to be perfect.  I mean, wouldn’t it be cool if they were?  Then life would be easy and we’d avoid the pitfalls and all would just glow with divine radiance.

That’s a big nemesis of Paula Anne Fairbanks in I Just Came here to Dance.  Raised in a less-than-perfect world, now married to a less-than-faithful husband, she vows to raise the oh-so-perfect child.  And in so doing, put all the pieces of her existence into an order where all is perfect in heaven.

Life of course crashes down around her.  And finally she sees that nothing would ever be perfect, and even she had to admit it.  That’s when her life takes off in a different and unforeseen direction.  And the path opens up to her destiny.

The holding to perfection just keeps you boxed.

In the very grasping of it, we fall into worse pitfalls than the ones we were trying to avoid in the first place.  In part because we can’t see what’s in front of us, instead imagining the fears walking our way to mar the icing on that beautifully faultless layer cake.  And that intense focus causes us to miss entirely the divine radiance already all a-glow.

Recently I’ve been dissecting angry feelings over folks not dealing with an issue in the right way.  Now, in my defense, it’s a huge issue—literally life and death. If ever I had justification for every single thing to be done the absolutely perfect way, this was it.

And they opted instead for door number 2.

The intensity of my anger shocked the hell out of me.

So of course, I had to let go—this wasn’t my call.  I did all I possibly could to show them the wisdom of doing it my way (with all the science to back me up).  Time to pull out that old Serenity prayer . . .

But as I worked through all the forceful feelings, I realized a piece of perfectionism still lay at my core.  In short, what was hiding under a jagged rock was that I expected them to be perfect.

Oh.

And I realized that’s something I hadn’t really considered before—the requiring perfectionism from others.  Another little demon to deal with and then hopefully let go . . .

We’re all human.  Flawed.  Conflicted.  We work at healing those things as we travel on this path, knowing how that frees us.

And when we truly get it, how it frees those around us as well . . .

As Mythologist Joseph Campbell said:

“Perfection is inhuman.  Human beings are not perfect.  What evolves our love—and I mean love, not lust—is the imperfection of the human being.”

I wish for you the most perfect day, in all its beautiful flaws.

 

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DAMN IT! STOP TWISTING UP MY DAY!

Okay, I’m having a rant.  A big fat adolescent-but-real rant.  I didn’t think I was angry about this situation.  Thought I was just in shock, denial, bargaining, depression.  But hadn’t gotten to anger.  I’m not mad yet.

Ha!  Funny thing about emotions, they’re there whether you know or admit to them at all.  And they seep out in not-so-funny ways.

My sister has cancer.  I can hate cancer, think this is so unfair, yada, yada, yada. Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.  One day at a time, down a long, long, long road.  Wishing I had a time machine to jump in and see where this will take us.  How’s that for staying in the moment?  Which of course I believe in into my soul.  That’s just a bridge too far right now though.

But I still haven’t gotten angry.

Anger does no good, right?  I know that. It just depletes me in the end.  What goes up must come down, no?  And I don’t have energy to waste.

So, I’ve had the oddest reaction of late.  You know how friends and associates, etc., when you tell them what you’re going through, feel the need to tell you the story of their brother’s father-in-law’s colleague (someone fifteen steps removed from you) bout with lung cancer and all the treatment and oh, how sick she got and on and on and on and you’re waiting for the “and now ten years later she’s still cancer free” part, right?

And so finally you ask and the person says, “Oh, she passed away years ago.”

WTF!!!!!!

See how that pesky little anger just jumped smooth out of my mouth?  And we know why that is:

It’s there.

And I’m not exactly handling those “sympathy” calls and visits very well.  I really want to say . . . well, what I want to say isn’t fit to print.  See above.

So I just suddenly have to go do something.  And then chalk that person off my taking-calls-from list.  Not terribly spiritual, is it.  Not so guru-like of me.  But I know my limitations right now, and someone twisting up my day worse than it already is, well, it’s just not on my list.

And I finally realized as well, guess what, I don’t have to hold the spiritual certificate right now.  Someone can do it for me.  And thank god for true friends, they do.  No platitudes, no trumping the story, no any of that.  Just a, “I’m so sorry, and I love you.”

And that diffuses everything.  And brings the tears to the surface that were hiding under the fear, masquerading as anger, to begin with.

So right now, I, too, am sorry that your friend’s mother’s daughter-in-law has whatever.  But I don’t have it to commiserate with you.  I don’t even have it to feel guilty because I choose not to listen.  To be the sounding board that I always am.

I don’t have any place to put it.  I’m full up.

Right now, my sister has cancer.

 

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IS TRUE LOVE A MYTH OR A WORK OF ART?

Isn’t that just a continuous argument?  And it seems as though everyone falls on one side or another.  As in, no middle ground appears.

Which makes sense, really.  When you ask the question in that manner, you kinda have to answer one way or another.  Sorta like the old, “How many times did you beat your wife?”  So when someone asks, is true love a myth, what do you answer?

If you’re on the therapist, self-help, 12-Step side of the issue, the answer is it’s an illusion.  “Love” exists to create pair-bonds and have/raise children. 

Because if you didn’t fall madly for the person at some point, you’d never put up with him or her for the 18+ years it takes to raise a child to adulthood (and then some!).  I mean, his snoring becomes annoying soon enough anyway, and that’s the easiest of his foibles!  If you weren’t at some point head over heels, you might leave him before the kids came in the first place.

Romantic love can sure be like that!

Pair-bonding.  That’s the whole ticket.  Anything else regarding “love” is a myth.

Of course, in days of yore this whole sentiment was taken out of the process, all marriages arranged (and in many cultures today, still are) in order to prosper the families and propagate the species.  Even though we look on that now with horror, if you had decent parents who loved and had your best interests at heart, this actually worked pretty well.

You can grow to love your mate—if that’s important to you. 

Then as the Renaissance era dawned, enter Tristan and Isolde.  One of my favorite myths!  And all the modern take-offs on them are luscious as well.  I may be one of the only people on the planet who loved the universally panned Legends of the Fall, but ah! I still love that movie

Of course, make a modern rendition of an ancient myth on any theme and I’m pretty much enthralled by everything about it. 

But anyhow, you know the story.  Isolde was betrothed and about to meet her mate when her nurse (this varies from telling to telling, but let’s just keep it simple) made up a potion so she’d fall in love with the next man she saw.  Now, that sounds to me like a mighty caring nurse.  She wanted Isolde to be happy and marry the man who swept her off her feet.  Gotta hand it to the old bat!

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending upon your point of view—don’t you just love the twists in myths and stories!), the more, ahhm, peasant Tristan was sent to the castle on some errand or another, and Isolde gazed upon him right after taking said potion.

Viola!  True love blossomed! 

And all hell broke loose.  Which is of course the intent of any good myth    Gotta have conflict to grow and change things—the deeper the troubles, the bigger the transformation. 

Then of course lots of stuff happened and the point for us here is that this was heralded as the initiation of “romantic love” into human culture.

In other words, that box of Pandora’s just got ripped smooth open.  Ah!  The implications!  The story could go this way or that or . . . Wait.  That’s me tweaking about stories J

Which of course, real life is about.  Myths are the metaphorical mirrors of our hearts; what we felt in waking life distilled down to its essence.  Myths comprise the very meaning of our lives. 

So when you ask me the question, I unequivocally answer: Both.  Of course true love is a myth!  The very heart and soul of us.  Which is also the most beautiful work of art . . .

I think that pretty much all women (because they talk to me about this all the time), no matter how jaded, no matter how long married (happily or not), no matter their station or age or anything, and although they live their lives in the “reality” where they have come to find peace, pretty much all women still get a heart flutter when their Mr. Darcy appears from the mist. 

Didn’t that just catch you then?

And it doesn’t matter if your Mr. Darcy is male or female (or these days, transgender), the metaphorical image is the essence of true love.

Which is what a myth is entirely.

When the late great Joseph Campbell was asked about the truth of myths, he replied,

“Mythology is not a lie, mythology is poetry, it is metaphorical. It has been well said that mythology is the penultimate truth–penultimate because the ultimate cannot be put into words. It is beyond words. Beyond images, beyond that bounding rim of the Buddhist Wheel of Becoming. Mythology pitches the mind beyond that rim, to what can be known but not told.”  –The Power of Myth

I do believe I’m truly in love with that man!

Where do you find true love?

 

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You Need to Know that Taking Breaks Makes You Better

Because you know what?  I don’t know about you, but I sure need one.  Which is why it’s on my mind this morning.  Sometimes our lives get so hectic we meet ourselves coming and going, as my mother used to say.

This is one of those days!

When I look at my world and think: Why am I so tired?  It’s time to pull out some tools and use them.  The time has come for taking a break.

Because I know when I do take that mental-health day, this is what happens:

      My stress and anxiety levels ease.

This is a no brainer, right?  Of course stress and anxiety lessen when you take a break!  If so, what excuse do we have for not doing it?

And while it’s quite true that a few minutes of relaxation techniques during the day can de-stress you, no matter what that practice means in your world, when you cannot even remember why you’re so tired, more is called for.

      It gives you a sense of control over your life.

This is huge.  How often do you feel as if you’re spinning, chasing after one task and then another, losing a tenuous grip on your world?  Never?  Wow—I’d love to know what your life is like!  Because I don’t actually know that person.

But we know stress and anxiety causes hormonal releases that then cause inflammation, which lead to, oh, about everything bad!

And we also know that we can take charge and reverse them.  Just the act of planning a mental-health day makes me feel a bit more in charge.  And taking one causes me to feel like I am, at least for the day, master of my own ship.

Ah!

       You remember what’s important. Often that gets lost, no?  We’re so busy putting one foot in front of the other one, we lose sight on the things that truly matter to us.  Our loved ones.  Our dreams.  Even our pets!  (Horrors! This would be bad in my home.)

But taking a break to relax and rejuvenate then calms your body enough, which calms your mind enough, that the things that matter bubble back up to the surface.

      It helps to refocus your goals. Once you’re more at peace, and remember what’s important, you can then look at your life and your goals with much clearer eyes.  If you’re chasing your tail in ever-descending circles, the reptilian mind that’s running that show can’t possibly find the solution.

          As Einstein said, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.”

      It enriches creativity.

And I’m all about creativity!  Any time you can do the above, creativity gets unleashed kinda like a magic wand waves over your head.  Relaxing the mind just does that.

If you can relax long enough to get bored, creativity soars!  Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  But recent studies have shown this over and over.  Studies have shown that being bored promotes creative associations.  It pushes you to find more satisfaction and deeper meaning.  In a study by Karen Gasper and Brianna Middlewood of Penn State University, bored participants outperformed people who were distressed (no brainer), but even those who were relaxed or elated!

I do believe one of my next goals is to go find some of that boredom.

     It enhances empathy.

Face it, when you’re overworked, stressed, sleep deprived, etc., it’s pretty danged difficult to feel empathy for another’s plight.  The old truism works for a reason: If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.  And if you’re any of those things, you aren’t finding empathy for yourself, much less anybody else.

And without empathy, we lose our humanity.

So, take care of you first.  If you’re scrambling for air, put that oxygen mask over your face. Breathe.

Then schedule a mental-health day.  Not only for yourself, but for everyone on the planet around you.

How do you take a break?

 

The post You Need to Know that Taking Breaks Makes You Better appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO SAY YES TO THE ADVENTURE

Many of us were so adventurous in youth.  That’s the time you’re supposed to be, no?  That’s when you set sail for distant shores, your sights on the horizon, the wind in your sails, standing on the bow, yelling, “I’m king of the world!” which many attribute to the movie Titanic but was famously said decades earlier by Muhammed Ali.  Talk about adventure—the man never met one he didn’t embrace fully.  But of course, that’s a different story 

You might not have taken on the world heavyweight champs or stood on the Titanic’s bow, but metaphorically I sure hope you did.  Because life evens out soon enough (flattens out, if you’re not careful), and in that time of youth, you are allowed, even expected, to sign on for some distant safari.

I did.  More than once.  Insanely, so many people said (ah, family, we cherish them, no?).  And while more than one of those resulted in bruises and scrapes, I survived.  And wouldn’t take a million dollars for one minute of them.

I did one of those life-changing things in my late twenties.  Went from a corporate executive and moved to the hinterlands onto the farm, in order to write.  Made almost zero money.  Grew my own food (literally!).  Shelled pecans I picked and brewed my own beer to give as gifts when shopping was out of the question.

Ah!  What a fabulous thing!  Changed the entire course of my life, drastically, irrevocably.  Wondrously.

During that time I met a sculptor, and up’n moved to Montana.  Bless his heart, the sculptor was a sweet boy but it was the wilds of Montana that sang to me that siren song, luring me straight up there.  Didn’t work out with the boy, but how I loved the land.  And some of my best short fiction (indeed, my favorite story I’ve written) came from there (see the Montana stories, being published soon!).

Funny how things come about, no?  I have to confess it was in large part Lonesome Dove the miniseries that set that up!  Ah, a better fictional tale on TV has never been . . .  As Gus and Call’s buddy Jake returns to talk them into driving a herd to Montana, Call finally says to Gus, let’s go.  Let’s go see a wild place while it still exists.

The lure of it was too much for our heroes to pass up.  And, for me as well.

Adventure of course doesn’t have to be uprooting and moving to the mountains.  It comes in many forms, and sings in a litany of tunes.  But it’s there, no matter what your age, if you have eyes to see.

It doesn’t always involve travel, although to this day I crisscross the country in my van, filled with Labradors, ostensibly to a specialty show.  But side roads beckon me off the main highways. And I take them.  The Greater Denver Specialty is the end of September, and I’m entering.  But as much to disappear into the mountains for a few days as to show . . .  Who knows what I’ll see or who I’ll meet, and what adventures will await me there.

Some adventures, however, can be taken right where you sit.  The one to paint that picture, to write the Great American Novel, to take up playing the bassoon—whatever it is you’ve longed and dreamed to do.

Does it take courage? Indeed it does—no matter what your adventure may be.  No matter if climbing to Everest or sailing the seas, auditioning for The Voice or the church choir, or sitting down to begin that book . . .

But it’s the very stuff life is made of.  At least, a life full and rich, luscious with ripe fruit.

What have you got to lose?  Okay, nix that question!  We can all enumerate ad nauseum as to why a thing shouldn’t be done.

But more importantly, what do you have to gain?

As author Anais Nin said, “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

And when faced with the choice, always expand.

What adventures have you been on lately?

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