Susan Mary Malone's Blog: Happiness is a Story, page 18

3 Steps to Acceptance and Letting Go

We all hate to abdicate control.  Encoded into the DNA that makes us human is the desire to keep trying, to make something happen, to change the facts of whatever life situation we’re in.  Whether it’s leaving a job, ending a relationship, giving up on a dream, losing a loved one, as the emotional stakes rise higher, our fingers grasp more tightly to the thing we just can’t lose.

But as we all come to know, usually that thing was never in our hands in the first place.

We all know the Serenity Prayer too, beginning with: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”

But how many times do we say that while simultaneously hoping in our heart of hearts that it’ll actually be in the category, “ . . . the courage to change the things I can”?  I mean, maybe if we pray about it long enough, obsess about it more, analyze and frenzy, and . . . well, maybe with all of that, we can move it from ‘cannot change’ to ‘can.’  “I have the courage, God!  Let me fix it!”

Funny how our minds work.  We have to go through all those stages of grief,  bargaining being a big one of those, before we get to acceptance.

And while acceptance and letting go are not the exact same thing, they go hand in hand.  You have to get to acceptance in order to let go, but working on the letting go helps you get to acceptance as well.

It all comes back to, well, we don’t want to accept and let go.  We just don’t want to. 

And just about the time I think I’m pretty good at this (Ha! Now, that’s tempting the gods!), a situation arises to show me just how powerless I actually am.

One that involves life and death.

With someone near and dear to me.

And if I could just run the show, the outcome would be better.

Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not.  Doesn’t really matter now though, does it?  I don’t get to drive this bus—even though all the scientific data backs me up from here to the moon.

Can you still hear the tinge of anger in that last line?  The persistent wish to bargain? Yep, the stages of grief don’t come in a linear form of one after the other, but a back and forth as you progress.

So often once the smoke clears, we’re left facing that acceptance, and the letting go.  And when I find myself in that position (as I am now), a few steps really help me.

       Have I done all that I could?

This is a big one for me.  If I can dissect the situation, and know that I’ve truly done all that I could, it’s easier for me to let go.  Because one of my fears is waking up in the middle of the night and thinking, “I could have done x!”  With x being a viable thing.  But if I go through each step along the way, notice my actions, and know that I’ve done everything humanly possible to affect a positive outcome, a sense of peace washes over me.  And I know I did my part.

        Allowing Acceptance.

Even when I’m not to that 100% place of acceptance, I can work on it.  Because one thing I have actually learned on the potholed path I’ve sometimes traveled, is that I can’t run the world.  Horrors!  Did I just admit that?  Because you know it would be a much better place and . . .

Okay, I digress.  The thing is though, that even if the latter were true, the former is a fact.  The further I go, the more apparent the verity that I can control precious little, and what I can concerns only my own life.  And even then, I’ve learned that when I think I am controlling a piece, there are other forces at work as well.  And shock of shocks, the god of my understanding tends to have a better plan than I do.

Who knew!

        Which leads to the ACT of Letting Go. Because it is of course a verb.  I often wish some nice good witch would just fly by and wave a magic wand, sprinkling fairy dust over my head, and voila! My fingers miraculously unwind from that thing I’m clutching dearly.

Wouldn’t that just be cool?

Of course, we all know that’s not how it works.

There are no magic bullets.  There is just the focus on unbinding (actually seeing my fingers open up and a whoosh of the thing dissipating into the air always helps me).

And often not once but many times.

And then, turning to face the thing that I actually can change.

How do you let go?

 

The post 3 Steps to Acceptance and Letting Go appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

ONE TIME AT A WINERY

Don’t you just love visiting them?  I especially love the native-stone structures with thick walls where within is so cool and quiet.  Even with folks there, the sounds come muted in the semi-dim lighting and I always feel as if I’ve gone back into the middle ages.

Around the room, the great steel vats hold the new wine, waiting to be racked.  And then my favorite, the cask room, where huge round barrels of French or American oak hold the fermenting fruit of the grape.  Ah!!

I like a bit of oak in my Chardonnay particularly, but lean to the nuance in big reds too.  Gwyn, the main character in my new novel, does as well.  She spends so much time in the various winery rooms, where the artiste in her flies on the gossamer wings of the wine gods.  Ah, heaven for her!

And so fabulous for me as I get to follow her through her days.  She’s part chemist, part mom-cook as she tweaks this vintage or that.  And now her stepson has returned to take over management of the vineyard, and he, too, has become a master of the vine and wine.  They work so well together J

Funny thing though, it’s easy to sometimes lose your way, especially your creative way, when you spend too much time dealing with the mundane business side of things.  You know?  When you’re staring at ledgers and marketing and in the slog of the grind.  Before you know it, all creative impulse has been banished to Brazil on a wingless bus.  And the world around you goes bleak and beige and arid as the dry desert sand.

That’s what happens to Gwyn.  So that when mayhem comes knocking (and isn’t it funny how it always seems to do so when you’re not at the top of your game?  It’s like the vultures circle, just awaiting that opening to come rip off some skin when you’re down on skint-up knees), she’s not exactly in the best place to tackle it.

So, the gods shock her into sentience once more.  Thank the gods!  Often it truly does take a higher force to get you back on a healthy track.

Sadly, however, that initial shock is never very comfortable.  Or soothing.  You’re long down the road before peace and comfort come.  And of course, these require the mastering of new tasks, the again going within to face internal demons, only to ascend into the air of external chaos.

The Quest does follow a well-worn path.

And I always love to see the allies show up!  Many of whom surprise me to Jupiter and never quite all the way back.  Most of the time, I never know who or what is to arrive.

So over halfway into the novel, as Gwyn trudges up to the winery to greet a customer come to taste her elixir (chiefly because for the forty-ninth time she’s forgotten to lock the gate, what with the grapes about to come in), I was as shocked as anyone to meet the new stranger.

Oh, my, stars.

As she walked into her winery to begin pouring him Viognier, I, too, melted into his musk.

And he turned the story in a direction I never saw coming . . .

Ah, the heaven of writing fiction!

But it was the stalwart, deeply spiritual Ruth who shocked me most in the end.  Her actions fit her, but still.  Who knew!

Thank all the gods of writing I’ll be back into the trenches of this novel again soon.  Back to the winery.  Back to the vineyard.  Back to tasting their award-winning wines, if only in my mind.

And back to visiting the Texas wineries I already love.  Ah!  More stories to come!

 

The post ONE TIME AT A WINERY appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

10 Insane Habits That Kill Happiness

Of course there are more than 10, but these are the ones that get me!

           Judgement. The psychological truth of mirroring, which just means that the traits you see in others are the ones within you (whether negative or positive), has been understood for decades now.  Everyone you see out there is your mirror, reflecting parts of your consciousness back to you.  Those traits you most admire in another?  That’s within you as well.  So are the ones you dislike.

Rather than judging another, any time a negative thought comes up about someone else, look in the mirror.  Find out how to heal it within yourself.

         Negative Thinking. We talk about this a lot!  But it causes so much to occur that just takes the joy out of life.  “But x is true!” you say.  Well, do you know for sure what the outcome will be?  Really?  If so, then please send your crystal ball this way!  We can never know for sure any outcome.  And life is fraught with enough pitfalls that we may as well chooses to see a positive outcome until proven otherwise.
          Taking “bad” events personally. Okay, so yes, perhaps you did cause the War.  But perhaps, you didn’t.  Maybe something you did caused a problem.  But does that mean you’re a bad person?  Don’t you get to slip up sometime too?  Own it.  Fix it.  Move on.
         Seeing “bad” events as ubiquitous. Okay, yeah, sometimes you get in a rut and it seems like the bad stuff is just widespread and keeps happening.  But does it really?  If you fail a test in college, which brings up right off the bat failing something in fourth grade, well, maybe we have a problem.  Just because something happened before, and happened again, doesn’t mean it happens all the time!  How many tests did you pass in between?  There must have been some or you wouldn’t be in college to begin with.
         Seeing “bad” events as permanent. Boy, doesn’t that come up some times?  “I didn’t sell the story to Random House, and I never will.”   Again, exactly how do you know the latter?  Yep, this story didn’t sell to the top of the food chain, but what about that lovely letter from the editor, asking to see your next work?  You don’t think this is success?  Really?

I recently experienced something similar when getting short stories ready to bundle and sell.  Many had been previous published, in hoity-toity literary magazines and anthologies.  Some were unpublished, and as I sorted through those, I found beautiful handwritten notes from editors, asking to see my next story.  And you know what?  I never sent it to them.  I got into the “I’ll never sell anything” mode, and shot myself in the proverbial foot.

This is a demon I know well!  Don’t believe its voice.

          Overthinking a problem. If you stay stuck in your head, keep ruminating about a problem, it only gets worse.  It keeps you stuck in the problem, and the problem worsens the longer you spend over-thinking it.  Boy, do I know this one!  What’s worse, it keeps you from clearing your mind so actual problem-solving skills can come to the surface and deal with the issue.

As Albert Einstein said, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” 

         Over-commitment. This one’s a doozy.  If you’re active and engaged and pursing your life, it’s a given that others will ask you to do more.

Decades ago I was an executive with the American Cancer Society, and my job was to organize volunteer boards and committees.  As anyone who’s ever been involved managing volunteers knows, in order to get something done, ask the busiest person in the room!

And while we do want to succeed in our careers and other pursuits, the surest way to kill progress is to overload your time so that you can’t do anything as well as it needs to be done.

I am of course the queen of this!  But I’ve learned to say no.  Just, no.

          Not following through. This is the flip side of the above (and often the result of it as well).  But if you do commit to something, and don’t actually do it, guilt surges up. Perhaps shame.  It does a number on your self-esteem and self-confidence.

See where this road goes?  It’s not pretty.

            Perfectionism. We’ve all heard a lot about this in the last decades.  At least women have!  We know what a bear this can be.  It just basically means that after the fact of whatever event, you can’t let it go.  You’re more likely to continue thinking about it (see ruminating above!)

In a study published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, researchers found that even when purchasing things, if you have that “must have the best” mindset, you’ll end up with magnified feelings of regret and dissatisfaction.   And when that happens, it becomes much more difficult to let go of past decisions, and especially, past mistakes.

Horrors!

           You see Happiness as something outside of yourself.  I talk about this a lot.  And while external events (selling that story to Random House!) can bring exhilaration and joy, that event, too, will wane.  And with it come fears about how the book will sell, and do I really deserve this, and . . .  You get the picture.

Unless your happiness is grounded within you—no matter what happens.  Because the way to happiness truly is an inside job.  If you don’t get it there, you won’t get it anywhere.

As I go back over this list, I realize I have work to do!  How about you?

 

The post 10 Insane Habits That Kill Happiness appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

10 INSANE HABITS THAT KILL HAPPINESS

Of course there are more than 10, but these are the ones that get me!

           Judgement. The psychological truth of mirroring, which just means that the traits you see in others are the ones within you (whether negative or positive), has been understood for decades now.  Everyone you see out there is your mirror, reflecting parts of your consciousness back to you.  Those traits you most admire in another?  That’s within you as well.  So are the ones you dislike.

Rather than judging another, any time a negative thought comes up about someone else, look in the mirror.  Find out how to heal it within yourself.

         Negative Thinking. We talk about this a lot!  But it causes so much to occur that just takes the joy out of life.  “But x is true!” you say.  Well, do you know for sure what the outcome will be?  Really?  If so, then please send your crystal ball this way!  We can never know for sure any outcome.  And life is fraught with enough pitfalls that we may as well chooses to see a positive outcome until proven otherwise.
          Taking “bad” events personally. Okay, so yes, perhaps you did cause the War.  But perhaps, you didn’t.  Maybe something you did caused a problem.  But does that mean you’re a bad person?  Don’t you get to slip up sometime too?  Own it.  Fix it.  Move on.
         Seeing “bad” events as ubiquitous. Okay, yeah, sometimes you get in a rut and it seems like the bad stuff is just widespread and keeps happening.  But does it really?  If you fail a test in college, which brings up right off the bat failing something in fourth grade, well, maybe we have a problem.  Just because something happened before, and happened again, doesn’t mean it happens all the time!  How many tests did you pass in between?  There must have been some or you wouldn’t be in college to begin with.
         Seeing “bad” events as permanent. Boy, doesn’t that come up some times?  “I didn’t sell the story to Random House, and I never will.”   Again, exactly how do you know the latter?  Yep, this story didn’t sell to the top of the food chain, but what about that lovely letter from the editor, asking to see your next work?  You don’t think this is success?  Really?

I recently experienced something similar when getting short stories ready to bundle and sell.  Many had been previous published, in hoity-toity literary magazines and anthologies.  Some were unpublished, and as I sorted through those, I found beautiful handwritten notes from editors, asking to see my next story.  And you know what?  I never sent it to them.  I got into the “I’ll never sell anything” mode, and shot myself in the proverbial foot.

This is a demon I know well!  Don’t believe its voice.

          Overthinking a problem. If you stay stuck in your head, keep ruminating about a problem, it only gets worse.  It keeps you stuck in the problem, and the problem worsens the longer you spend over-thinking it.  Boy, do I know this one!  What’s worse, it keeps you from clearing your mind so actual problem-solving skills can come to the surface and deal with the issue.

As Albert Einstein said, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” 

         Over-commitment. This one’s a doozy.  If you’re active and engaged and pursing your life, it’s a given that others will ask you to do more.

Decades ago I was an executive with the American Cancer Society, and my job was to organize volunteer boards and committees.  As anyone who’s ever been involved managing volunteers knows, in order to get something done, ask the busiest person in the room!

And while we do want to succeed in our careers and other pursuits, the surest way to kill progress is to overload your time so that you can’t do anything as well as it needs to be done.

I am of course the queen of this!  But I’ve learned to say no.  Just, no.

          Not following through. This is the flip side of the above (and often the result of it as well).  But if you do commit to something, and don’t actually do it, guilt surges up. Perhaps shame.  It does a number on your self-esteem and self-confidence.

See where this road goes?  It’s not pretty.

            Perfectionism. We’ve all heard a lot about this in the last decades.  At least women have!  We know what a bear this can be.  It just basically means that after the fact of whatever event, you can’t let it go.  You’re more likely to continue thinking about it (see ruminating above!)

In a study published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, researchers found that even when purchasing things, if you have that “must have the best” mindset, you’ll end up with magnified feelings of regret and dissatisfaction.   And when that happens, it becomes much more difficult to let go of past decisions, and especially, past mistakes.

Horrors!

           You see Happiness as something outside of yourself.  I talk about this a lot.  And while external events (selling that story to Random House!) can bring exhilaration and joy, that event, too, will wane.  And with it come fears about how the book will sell, and do I really deserve this, and . . .  You get the picture.

Unless your happiness is grounded within you—no matter what happens.  Because the way to happiness truly is an inside job.  If you don’t get it there, you won’t get it anywhere.

As I go back over this list, I realize I have work to do!  How about you?

 

The post 10 INSANE HABITS THAT KILL HAPPINESS appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

Why a Myth Holds The Greatest Truth

It’s funny how the real meanings of myth and mythology got turned on their heads in our culture.

What is the first thing you think of when hearing the word myth?  Most likely, you think of something that’s not true.  Urban legend.  Old wives tale.

One of my favorites of late has been from the far Right, with their chorus of: “Global warming is a myth.”

If they actually knew what they’d just said, they’d be horrified.  Because, of course, global warming is a myth—one of the truest and most terrifying kind.  One that will destroy us if we don’t heed Mother Nature’s warnings.  But that’s another post 

Those who have studied mythology are often amazed at what they find.  Similar myths have originated across this wide planet (from long before the days of technological communication, so this wasn’t due to one culture taking another’s story and making it theirs).  Almost all ancient cultures had very similar creation myths, heroes’ quests, and yes, savior stories where the savior was killed (more than one by crucifixion) and arose from the dead.  We think of the Christian myths as unique, but we find very similar ones throughout indigenous cultures that pre-dated the ancient Hebrews.

Skeptical?  We have Sumerian seals from as early as 3,500 BC showing the serpent and the tree and the goddess, where the goddess is giving the fruit of life to a man.  And I could give a hundred other examples.

As the Hindu saying goes: “Truth is one; the sages call it by many names.”

Myth is pure and simply the story of the experience of life.  As mankind developed tools, we painted stories on cave walls of surviving Wooly Mammoth attacks.  As we developed language, we learned to express these stories in words.

Myths teach us how to live as humans, no matter our circumstances.  The Wooly Mammoth may have gone extinct quite a while ago, but ask anyone starting her own business if the fear of being eaten up by bigger ones doesn’t bring dreams of being chased by monsters.

Myths show you how to deal with the internal fears, as they mirror the external ones.

I often refer to I Just Came Here to Dance (to be released in September, 2015!) as a myth within a myth.  It plays on the ancient story of Vasalisa, sometimes called “Vasalisa the Wise,” but known by many names.  The story centers around a doll in young Vasalisa’s pocket, which when she learns to trust its wisdom, to turn left here, right there, whichever way the doll tells her to go, is always the correct way for her.

The doll is personal—unique to her, its guidance for only her.  It is, of course, her deep intuition, and learning to hear its voice, trust its guidance is a process in itself.

Paula Ann Fairbanks in Dance finds herself adrift in uncharted waters.  The story of Vasalisa is told early on in the book, on Diana’s porch, and its themes weave through Paula Ann’s own journey to find her internal voice.  As the book asks: “When myth and desire collide, can the simple truth prevail?”

Of course, a student of myth knows this answer 

One of my greatest heroes in this lifetime is the mythologist Joseph Campbell.  I quote him a lot.  Because I read him a lot!  Mythology was not prose to him, but poetry in action.  To him, mythology is “the song of the universe,” and “the music of the spheres.” 

And as Paula Ann finds out, and we do too, we dance to that music whether we’re aware of it or not, whether we even know the tune.

“The dance itself is always changing. So, too, the steps we take within it.  And once you catch the rhythm, the flow becomes endless.”     

 

The post Why a Myth Holds The Greatest Truth appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

WHY A MYTH HOLDS THE GREATEST TRUTH

It’s funny how the real meanings of myth and mythology got turned on their heads in our culture.

What is the first thing you think of when hearing the word myth?  Most likely, you think of something that’s not true.  Urban legend.  Old wives tale.

One of my favorites of late has been from the far Right, with their chorus of: “Global warming is a myth.”

If they actually knew what they’d just said, they’d be horrified.  Because, of course, global warming is a myth—one of the truest and most terrifying kind.  One that will destroy us if we don’t heed Mother Nature’s warnings.  But that’s another post 

Those who have studied mythology are often amazed at what they find.  Similar myths have originated across this wide planet (from long before the days of technological communication, so this wasn’t due to one culture taking another’s story and making it theirs).  Almost all ancient cultures had very similar creation myths, heroes’ quests, and yes, savior stories where the savior was killed (more than one by crucifixion) and arose from the dead.  We think of the Christian myths as unique, but we find very similar ones throughout indigenous cultures that pre-dated the ancient Hebrews.

Skeptical?  We have Sumerian seals from as early as 3,500 BC showing the serpent and the tree and the goddess, where the goddess is giving the fruit of life to a man.  And I could give a hundred other examples.

As the Hindu saying goes: “Truth is one; the sages call it by many names.”

Myth is pure and simply the story of the experience of life.  As mankind developed tools, we painted stories on cave walls of surviving Wooly Mammoth attacks.  As we developed language, we learned to express these stories in words.

Myths teach us how to live as humans, no matter our circumstances.  The Wooly Mammoth may have gone extinct quite a while ago, but ask anyone starting her own business if the fear of being eaten up by bigger ones doesn’t bring dreams of being chased by monsters.

Myths show you how to deal with the internal fears, as they mirror the external ones.

I often refer to I Just Came Here to Dance (to be released in September, 2015!) as a myth within a myth.  It plays on the ancient story of Vasalisa, sometimes called “Vasalisa the Wise,” but known by many names.  The story centers around a doll in young Vasalisa’s pocket, which when she learns to trust its wisdom, to turn left here, right there, whichever way the doll tells her to go, is always the correct way for her.

The doll is personal—unique to her, its guidance for only her.  It is, of course, her deep intuition, and learning to hear its voice, trust its guidance is a process in itself.

Paula Ann Fairbanks in Dance finds herself adrift in uncharted waters.  The story of Vasalisa is told early on in the book, on Diana’s porch, and its themes weave through Paula Ann’s own journey to find her internal voice.  As the book asks: “When myth and desire collide, can the simple truth prevail?”

Of course, a student of myth knows this answer 

One of my greatest heroes in this lifetime is the mythologist Joseph Campbell.  I quote him a lot.  Because I read him a lot!  Mythology was not prose to him, but poetry in action.  To him, mythology is “the song of the universe,” and “the music of the spheres.” 

And as Paula Ann finds out, and we do too, we dance to that music whether we’re aware of it or not, whether we even know the tune.

“The dance itself is always changing. So, too, the steps we take within it.  And once you catch the rhythm, the flow becomes endless.”     

 

The post WHY A MYTH HOLDS THE GREATEST TRUTH appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

13 Acts of Kindness that You can do right now

I’ve talked a lot about how doing a kind act, or even witnessing one, boosts your serotonin uptake.  Isn’t that just the coolest thing?  When you do something nice for someone, the chemical effect on your system is just like taking an anti-depressant. 

I truly love that!  It makes me happy.

Whether you’re performing random acts of kindness or planned ones for folks you know, the effect is the same.  So here’s a list to get me started.  Oh, and you!

 

                      Smile at someone. Talk about simple!  But the very act of smiling lifts the other person’s mood (and yours too).  I’ve heard countless stories of people being depressed to the point of suicide, and some stranger’s smile got them through the day.
                   Give a compliment. And not a fake one.  It may be easy to see the old frumpy lady behind you in the checkout line and wonder why the heck she left home looking like that.  But that thought will cause you to miss the vibrancy of her clear blue eyes.  Tell her about those.
                   Pay it forward. This has become a trend!  And for good reason—it makes everyone involved feel that serotonin surge.  I just had a dear writer friend who’s 84 tell me she was in the grocery checkout, purchases all bagged, when she realized she’d left her wallet at home.  The clerk said they couldn’t hold the bags until she got back to pay.  And then the young man behind her said he’d pay the tab!  She was shocked and blessed, and her faith in the young men of this world restored.  Of course, she did send him a check when she got home, and also a copy of her newest book J
                  Put someone’s groceries in her car. Again, this doesn’t seem like much, but another good friend of mine had to ride in the scooter at the store.  And when she got to her car, she realized she was a bit stumped as to how to load her groceries in!  When up walks a nice young woman and offers to do it for her. Again, a simple thing.  But it made my friend’s week.
                 Let that frazzled mom with the toddler and baby go ahead of you. You know, so often we judge that mom.  My ex-husband used to rail against such (there’s a reason he’s an ex).  But often young mothers don’t have a lot of choice when they run out of formula or diapers but to load everybody up and go get some.  She shouldn’t have run out of supplies, some might say.  Usually those “some” are men who haven’t been in that situation!  LOL.  But the very act of letting her go ahead and get out of there faster will make her, you, and the clerk feel better.  For practical reasons, but for oh-so-much more than that . . .
              Find a reason to open the door for someone. I often do this when going in the post office.  My county is filled with older folks, and I’m always so cognizant of their dignity.  But I’ll often open the door and say, “You’ve got your hands full!”  The gratitude in old eyes always makes my day.
             Walk the infirm or absent neighbor’s dog. I mean heck, you’re walking anyway, no?  That neighbor loves her dog and for whatever reason, can’t walk it right now.  Besides, you get dog licks to boot.  Which we know lowers blood pressure and . . .
               Text your friends a video of your 4-week-old Labrador puppies. Okay, yes, I admit, this is unique to me!  But boy, did I make a lot of folks smile and laugh.  A dear friend whose sister is suffering from major depression texted me back to say her sister got the biggest kick out of it.  Now, did that make me smile or what?  So, if you don’t have adorable 4-week-old Labrador puppies to video (so sad for you!), video something else with a funny twist.  The cat knocking over the jar, fifteen times in a row.  Etc.  There’s gotta be something in your world that’ll make folks laugh!
             Text someone that you’re thinking of him, and give a virtual hug. We hear so much about how the virtual world has taken over what used to be physical connection, and while that’s true, it also helps us to keep in touch with folks near and far.  When I’m going through a particularly rough spot, a text from a friend just saying she’s thinking of me, is sending that virtual hug, warms my heart.
             Call someone who’s down or in pain. If you can do it right now, great.  But if not, look at your today and see where you can carve out the time.  Mainly, to listen . . .
            Acknowledge someone for a great or nice thing he did, which might otherwise have gone unnoticed. Recently, a good friend and her dad were at a big event, and feeing somewhat as outsiders.  Another couple of my friends asked them to supper that night.  Man, did that have a huge impact on how they felt!  So I sent a message later to the friend who did the inviting, telling her how it made their entire event, and how grateful I was to her.  And that made her day!  Love how the cycle continues . . .
           Give a nice response to someone’s social-media post. I mean, doesn’t it make you smile when someone does that on yours?  What we know from the Fowler/ Christakis study is that being happy causes others in our social networks to be happy.   And you can do that in a flash!
          Share someone’s blog. If you read blogs and like them, it’s easy to share.  And it makes the blogger think she’s actually being read   Which does so much to warm her heart!

But the point of course is, it’s easy to do kind things, and we really are all in this together.

What are your random acts of kindness ideas?

 

 

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Don’t Forget This: Life Is A True Gift

Many times our worlds are full of pain.  Our family has had its fair share the last many years.  Illness, hospitals, dying and death.  Sometimes it seems like that’s all there is.  Especially when you’re slogging through the endless muck of it all.

And in the midst of it, often remembering that life is a gift can be quite difficult.  Sorrow, sadness, regret—they all play parts in the worlds we inherit and create.

I’m always struck at these times about how life does go on.  You know, when you see folks going about their business as if all is well.  And I’ll think, don’t they know my mom just died?  Or my sister has cancer?  How can they be so cheerful?

Grief of whatever sort just does that to ya.  It’s part and parcel of the process.

And then something always seems to spin my world back around. Turning it back the right way.

As my sister was diagnosed with cancer, I had new Labrador babies.  It helped, in an odd sort of way, if only to take my mind off of the horror we face.  And of course, to be a part of new life.  What a joy.

Today, however, a more momentous event occurred.

I’m a grand aunt!  I know, I know, that should read: My niece had a beautiful healthy baby boy!

But we tend to focus on ourselves at such times, no?  

The circle of life is such an amazing thing.  And just about the time you think you can’t take any more of the sadness, new birth occurs.  A new baby in the family!  Who’s precious and nursing and doing all those things new babies are supposed to do.  He’s great.  His mom’s great (although I’m not exactly sure she’d put it in those terms right now! But she is smiling  ).  No complications.

Just Joy.  Just Joy.

I’d say the kind we all needed right now but that’s not his raison d’etre   His point is just to be here.

All Zen and everything 

I’m gushing.  And I don’t care!  Our new baby is here!

And what a present he is.  What a precious offering new life is.

And I’m reminded yet again—Life is a gift.  It’s ours to take and do with as we will.  And the clean slate of Clark James (named partly for my father) comes full circle again.

I miss you, Dad. I miss you, Mom.  Praying healing for my sister.

But right now, my tears are of Joy.

Thank you, God.  I treasure the gift you gave me in being here.

 

The post Don’t Forget This: Life Is A True Gift appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

DON’T FORGET THIS: LIFE IS A TRUE GIFT

Many times our worlds are full of pain.  Our family has had its fair share the last many years.  Illness, hospitals, dying and death.  Sometimes it seems like that’s all there is.  Especially when you’re slogging through the endless muck of it all.

And in the midst of it, often remembering that life is a gift can be quite difficult.  Sorrow, sadness, regret—they all play parts in the worlds we inherit and create.

I’m always struck at these times about how life does go on.  You know, when you see folks going about their business as if all is well.  And I’ll think, don’t they know my mom just died?  Or my sister has cancer?  How can they be so cheerful?

Grief of whatever sort just does that to ya.  It’s part and parcel of the process.

And then something always seems to spin my world back around. Turning it back the right way.

As my sister was diagnosed with cancer, I had new Labrador babies.  It helped, in an odd sort of way, if only to take my mind off of the horror we face.  And of course, to be a part of new life.  What a joy.

Today, however, a more momentous event occurred.

I’m a grand aunt!  I know, I know, that should read: My niece had a beautiful healthy baby boy!

But we tend to focus on ourselves at such times, no?  

The circle of life is such an amazing thing.  And just about the time you think you can’t take any more of the sadness, new birth occurs.  A new baby in the family!  Who’s precious and nursing and doing all those things new babies are supposed to do.  He’s great.  His mom’s great (although I’m not exactly sure she’d put it in those terms right now! But she is smiling  ).  No complications.

Just Joy.  Just Joy.

I’d say the kind we all needed right now but that’s not his raison d’etre   His point is just to be here.

All Zen and everything 

I’m gushing.  And I don’t care!  Our new baby is here!

And what a present he is.  What a precious offering new life is.

And I’m reminded yet again—Life is a gift.  It’s ours to take and do with as we will.  And the clean slate of Clark James (named partly for my father) comes full circle again.

I miss you, Dad. I miss you, Mom.  Praying healing for my sister.

But right now, my tears are of Joy.

Thank you, God.  I treasure the gift you gave me in being here.

 

The post DON’T FORGET THIS: LIFE IS A TRUE GIFT appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

You Have The Power To Impact Happiness In Others

We tend to think that’s not true.  Don’t we?  We often believe that others are so wrapped up in their own lives, what happens with us doesn’t matter.

Especially in our culture—which believes and touts our citizens as rugged individualists—we tend to discount the idea that what others do affects us, and vice versa.

But, it does.

The groundbreaking study by Fowler and Christakis published in the BMJ, found that people who are happy—or become happy—greatly affect the chances that people they know will be happy.

“Happiness is contagious,” Nicholas A. Chritakis, a medical sociologist at Harvard University, said.

“You would think that your emotional state would depend on your own choices and actions and experience.  But it also depends on the choices and actions and experiences of other people, including people to whom you are not directly connected.” 

The study followed more than 4,700 people over 20 years.  And it found that the power of happiness can span another degree of separation.

Hm.  Makes me think I need to clean up my social network!  LOL.  But on second thought, I tend to associate with happy folks.  They make me smile J

Isn’t it amazing how impactful being happy can be.

Christakis and co-author James H. Fowler’s previous research found that obesity actually spreads from person to person.  But so does the likelihood of quitting smoking!

The Weight Watchers organization, along with all 12-Step groups, have known this for some time.  Gathering with folks having the same positive goals ups your chances of succeeding.

The implications for having a positive impact on our world are astounding.  Christakis and others have found that happy people tend to be better off in so many ways—being more creative, productive, and are overall healthier.

“For a long time, we measured the health of a country by looking at its gross domestic product,” Fowler, a political scientist at the University of California at San Diego who co-authored the study, said. “But our work shows that whether a friend’s friend is happy has more influence than a $5,000 raise. So at a time when we’re facing such economic difficulties, the message could be, ‘Hang in there. You still have your friends and family, and these are the people to rely on to be happy.’”

Even though this is an older study (2008), its relevance has not waned.  What we know more than ever is that we are truly connected—in ways we hadn’t considered before.

One thing I know for true is that when one of my friends, colleagues, or clients has a big book sale, my heart surges.  I’m so incredibly happy for them!  And that happiness spills over to my own work.  It makes me joyous, and yes—more creative.  Which in my world is a big plus  

So next time you think your bad mood doesn’t matter, think again.

Now is the time to make the world a better place.  You have the power to do so.  Will you?

 

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