Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 34

Is the Sense of Self True Nature?

Q: Is the sense of self true nature? Or just an inevitable delusion of perspectivized consciousness?

Todd Answers: I would say that our sense of self is merely the turning of our consciousness back onto itself so that it can experience itself. This is how we can know ourselves — our true selves, our essence.

When we look for ourselves and we peer through the thoughts, the sense-objects, and the physical body, what we are left with must be our true self. It can’t be delusion because you are merely observing without placing any labels, opinions or judgements. In fact, it is these things that obscure our view in the first place.

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Doesn’t Suffering Also Exist in Our Heart, Not Just Mind?

Q: Dear Todd, “All suffering exists in the mind” leaves out the heart and the intuition part. Any thoughts?

TODD ANSWERS: The heart and the gut (intuition) are essential to empathy and healthy emotions. From my experience, suffering most often starts in the mind and then our heart begins to ache. Emotions are where we feel our thoughts. Occasionally, like as in physical pain, our brain receives the pain signals and then our mind reacts unconsciously, and then our emotions may become fearful or agitated. But even in this case, they start in the mind.

However you are absolutely correct, our mental aversion to unpleasant circumstances can affect our hearts and obscure our intuition. We must listen to our heart and intuition as much, if not more so, than our mind.

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My Spiritual Journey Has Left Me Confused

Q: Dear Todd, I’m really going through a lot since I embarked on this spiritual journey. My life changed drastically. I have so many questions about what is going on with me. I do meditation but how can I turn this confusion around?

Todd Answers: Luckily, only the mind creates confusion. When you let go of the desire for answers and clarity, not only do answers and clarity appear, but that is the only way for them to appear.

Everything you need to know and do will be clear in the moment if you are fully present, out of your head, and able to have mental space to receive the answer. The practice of letting go is the simplest thing we can do. Whatever you are observing, observe it with deep curiosity. In this way, you are not thinking, you are just in the present moment.

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Need Money for Financial Security – Is That Ego?

Q: I find meditation easier when I have the money to buy land away from people, know my bills are paid for life (yes I have anxiety), and have no chores to complete for the day. I don’t want money to impress, I want money to RELAX – is that ego?

Todd Answers: You are not wrong. Money is food, water, and security. The best thing we can do is recognize worry, and use it to motivate, encourage, and inspire us towards reaching our goals.

But not letting these thoughts disturb our inner peace and it is exactly by bringing recognition and awareness to these thoughts and emotions that we can see that they don’t serve us and let them go. This is the key to working towards something while remaining at peace.

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Getting Rid of Bad Habits When You Have Unprocessed Trauma

Q: Dear Todd, how to get rid of bad habits when you have unprocessed trauma in your body?

TODD ANSWERS: Every time we repeat a bad habit we strengthen those neural pathways making it more automatic. But, every time we don’t act on that habit, we are creating new pathways and strengthening our new better habits. The best way to both to heal from trauma and create new habits is to bring mindfulness to our actions, which means to sit with and observe our trauma/cravings and make peace with them.

Be patient and kind with yourself, try to let go of expectations and allow yourself to be fully in this moment and just sit with and accept fully whatever arises.

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Finding Inner Peace While People in Other Countries Suffer

Q: It’s extremely difficult to be light and loose during the mass killing. What to do?

Is it possible to maintain inner peace when the world is going through so much? There are wars, terrorism and human rights violations. Is it achievable to be peaceful while other countries are suffering?

Todd Answers: Isn’t it interesting that a parent with a child in danger can run and save the child without thinking but if we watch TV we get stress and sadness? This empathy is natural, but the mental suffering doesn’t help the situation. 

In fact, panic often makes the situation worse. We must always channel that negative energy we consume into something positive, whether that’s political action, community action, or meditation and yoga.

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How Can I Stop Hating Myself?

Self-hatred is a terrible affliction born out of the false perception that you are your thoughts. It divides us into two people rather than being one whole complete person. This illusion falsely implies you hate yourself, but in reality, you can’t have a relationship with yourself.

You simply are you. Relationships with yourself can only happen if you believe you are split in two. By recognizing your true self, all self-loathing ceases to be. Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re doing your absolute best.

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How to Control Your Bad Habits (The Spiritual Solution)

Getting Rid of Your Unhealthy Topics

When we turn our attention inward, insights, ideas, wisdom and understanding arise. We allow space for ideas to enter.

We also become experts in how our mind works. We no longer fall for the trap of neurosis because we are highly aware of its delusion. We no longer feed negativity because we now notice the patterns and can predict when it will come. We no longer continue unhealthy behavior or do things that cause our own suffering.

By observing our mind and body, we can perceive physical and mental disturbances as soon as they appear, and we will have the insight to nip them in the bud.

Simply close your eyes and turn your attention inward, reconnect the mind and body, and all will be revealed. This is why mindfulness meditation or breath meditation, are often called insight meditation.

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How to Overcome the Curse of Perfectionism

Does Suffering Lead to Spiritual Awakening?

How Can I Make My Life Less Chaotic?

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More Awareness Leading to More Resistance

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Q: Dear Todd, the more awareness I have, the more I see the resistance towards the situation, the people, the work, and the place. I meditated and changed my attitude case by case, bit by bit. Recently my depression is coming back, and I can’t even sit still to meditate. Just started the medication. Any advice?

TODD ANSWERS: First off, that’s incredible that you were able to do that and see that much change before! I would only recommend that you make peace with your depression. Accept it without fear or frustration. Notice it is there. Don’t fight it, but instead work with it. Depression is not so depressing when we are totally OK with it. So that’s step 1.

Step 2, if meditation is too difficult, try to replace it with some other healthy activity that can lessen depression, such as yoga and exercise, or time in nature. Keep trying to meditate, however much you can, and keep trying to build your time back up. But go easy, be patient, and be kind to yourself. Remember that we all go in cycles, ups and downs.

If we remain centered and present, then we become like the center of a wheel — balanced and stable despite the bumps in the road.

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Fear of Rejection Stopping Me From Talking to Women

Q: Dear Todd, fear of rejection, then not feeling good enough is what holds me back from talking to more women. I feel like I’d have way more joy in my life if I just went for it, but I know how much rejection happens plus I don’t want to force things, I like the universe to guide me to the right connections. What’s your take on this? Do you think we need to go make things happen or let them come to us?

TODD ANSWERS: We are the co-creators of our universe. While many things are outside of our control, many things are within our control. If you are at a place and someone else who attracts your interest is there at the same time, that IS the universe urging you. It is noble to wait and let things play out, and patience is a virtue, but there are other single folks out there who are less contemplative and more bold. So in the mating dance of love, sometimes we have to flash some feathers (metaphorically).

But, more important than whether to let things happen or make them happen, is how we view rejection in the first place.

Rejection just means you get to move on to finding the right person quicker.

Be glad! Get to that “no” ASAP and be grateful that you did. True confidence is not caring about the outcome. Just be you, be present, and remember that even if someone rejects you, the other person can still feel flattered and you still gained valuable experience and practice. There really is no such thing as rejection or failure.

I have a few YouTube videos on this topic as well. One on how to embrace rejection and the other on dating. You got this!

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