Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 33

How to Gain Inner Peace When in Extreme Physical Discomfort

Q: Dear Todd, what if you are in so much physical discomfort and have been for years and the only thing that seems like it will end this discomfort is death. How do you reconcile that? Take comfort in knowing that your discomfort will end when you die?

TODD ANSWERS: That is unfortunately just life sometimes. You can try to find comfort in some possible tomorrow, but you can also find it in the here and now. Hope lies in the future, and hope is wonderful and powerful, and essential to life. But right now you can turn your pain into a meditation. There are proven meditation methods for reducing the sensation of pain in the body. Even novice meditators can have painful dental operations performed without any medicine for the pain.

And the strangest and most ironic part of all is that a huge percentage of what causes most chronic pain is the stress and tension we create and hold in our bodies as a response to our initial cause of pain. So the more you can accept and make peace with the pain, the less tension and tightness there will be in the body. This can help the body become looser simply by observing pain and discomfort without anger or judgment.

As for your treatment options and the best course of action, you will have to trust the experts and your heart. But I hope this helps you transform how you experience and relate to your pain.

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If There’s No Purpose to Our Lives, Why Are We Living?

Q 1: Dear Todd, how do I accept that life has meaning? Don’t we have to have a purpose in life?

Q 2: Dear Todd, I find myself depressed because of the realization that is no true meaning or purpose to our lives. Everything is neutral until we assign it meaning. Therefore everything is pointless, without purpose, including suffering and pain, including love and joy. Can you help me reframe this?

TODD ANSWERS: That is perfectly normal to question purpose and meaning. Our thinking minds are incredible analytical machines. They want to put every experience into a box to try and understand and make some kind of order out of the events in our lives.

But it is always this thinking mind when run amok, that causes these problems. When out of control, when thinking without focus or intention, our minds create problems. When we develop presence through practice, we will see and appreciate beauty, we will find it everywhere, and we will be filled with feelings of gratitude, love, and peace. Only the thinking mind wants more, wants answers, wants what it can’t have. If we shift from thinking to awareness, we find that meaning is in every moment but that it is us who create it.

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Finding Inner Peace When Dealing with Long-Term Illness

Q: Dear Todd, will you please give me encouragement on healing from a long-time illness? I’m told I can heal but I feel hopeless.

TODD ANSWERS: I just want you to know that your body is an incredibly amazing healing machine. We know for certain that our mental state can either make us sick, or it can help us recover.

So I simply encourage you to view your pain and discomfort, instead of with fear, with curiosity, and ask yourself, “Why is my unconscious and subconscious mind creating these physical sensations?” I am by no means saying this is in your head or not real. I know the discomfort and pain are very real. But when we look to our subconscious, we stop reacting to pain with fear, panic and pessimism. We instead respond with calm and curiosity. When we respond to illness by looking at our subconscious and unconscious minds, we address the aspect of our illness that we can control, and oftentimes, almost like a miracle, the pain or illness disappears and often almost immediately.

If you can know for certain that the illness is made worse by your fear and stress, and not by something else that is physically wrong with you, you stop unconsciously creating more pain and illness and your mind can activate those healing mechanisms in the body.

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It’s Time to Make That One Change

Our mind is the determiner of whether we are happy and content, or longing and dissatisfied. We may think it is because of this situation or that one, but one way or another we find out that it always stems from our mind. The question is, will we learn to become the masters of our mind or not.

Yes, we all wish for possessions, praise, friendships and a loving family. But, when one of those categories falls short, how will we respond? It depends if we let the external situation be our emotion dictator or not.

The reason we struggle in life is because our expectations of how life should be are not being met. So, we need to reexamine our expectations. Hopes and goals and dreams, wonderful. Expectations though mean our happiness is dependent on the circumstances and we are a slave to our whims. 

If we can first acknowledge that a monk meditating in solitude, with no possessions, in a cave somewhere, can be extremely happy; then we can start to recognize our own capacity for happiness in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.

So during the week ahead, think of the monk. See if you can wish for nothing more than what a simple monk has. You may notice that suddenly, every single possession, opportunity, and challenge becomes a welcomed gift in your life that fills you with gratitude, no fear of loss or damage, no longing or wishing or craving. It’s only our longing mind that makes us suffer. By paying close attention to those pesky desires, we become free from the suffering they create. There is nothing stopping us from enjoying this moment right now except our mind. Set down all of the thoughts about what is making this moment imperfect for just a moment, and the perfection that is there will be revealed.

 

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Wisdom can come from anywhere: spiritual texts, a fairytale or a friend. There is so much in the world to explore and learn from. When we look at many different sources of information, we can understand how they are connected, how they are different and how they are the same.

We can see from different points of view and a great wisdom can arrive that is broader than our own experience. You don’t have to believe everything that you read and incorporate it into your lives, but you will always learn something.

Love,

Todd

PS – When we understand our grief, we begin to see the beauty in it. Just like giving birth can be a beautiful, yet painful, celebration of life; so too can our grief. Grief is love, grief is healing, and grief is there to help us. In my YouTube video, I share how we can make peace with grief.

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How Not to Let Mean People Ruin Your Day

Q: Dear Todd, I learned that my kindness and honesty were naive and irresponsible towards myself as it made me very vulnerable to being abused. I also realized there is some neediness in me meaning that I am unconsciously expecting some kindness or thankfulness back. But how to love when you didn’t experience much love? I feel we are pushed to live in fear and distrust toward each other.

TODD ANSWERS: It is unfortunate that the rude person in the room can ruin the night for everyone else, but we must remember that the room was also filled with kind people too. Unfortunately, we have to protect ourselves. But, we also must remember we live in a world full of good people too.

Sometimes recharging in a new place is very beneficial. Sometimes though, because we are bringing all of our past experiences with us, we find the same things everywhere we go.

We can learn from the past and become wiser and happier, or we can let the past tarnish our present perception of the world. But always remember, we don’t have to let learning from the past come with feelings of inferiority or failure. Learning is beautiful. No one was born a genius with all the answers.

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Is It Possible to Find Peace in a Chaotic City?

Q: Dear Todd, is it even possible to live peacefully in a city of chaos? Can you live peacefully in it without getting affected by it?

TODD ANSWERS: It’s certainly very easy to feel at peace in nature. It is every animal’s natural home and humans are no different. It rejuvenates us and fills our hearts with beauty and minds with the wisdom of reflection.

However, I also find that being in a city is an amazing opportunity to practice finding peace in the chaos. It provides a unique opportunity for spiritual growth and to learn how to live harmoniously with our fellow people.

Everyone is different though. Some people have to live in cities but hate it. Some people would die just at thought of sleeping in a tent. When I was at a beautiful monastery in the jungles of Thailand, a Buddhist monk told me a beautiful saying I’ll never forget. It’s a mantra that they repeat in their mind that they say when walking, “I have arrived, I am home.” We can say this anytime, anywhere, to remind ourselves that we are whole and that we can be at peace no matter where we are or what is happening.

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My Favorite 17 Quotes From “Finding Your True Self: A Love Story”

1. Loving others does need to start with loving ourselves.

2. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we have.

3. By going through pain and surviving, we become examples to the world that they’re not alone, that they can overcome, they can do better, and get better.

4. No matter the question, love is always the answer. Forgiveness is freeing.

5. Wear your scars proud my friend, for you can do anything.

6. The story we tell ourselves about our life can only define us if we define ourselves by this story.

7. It can be scary to look at what scares us. But this is the only way to look fear in the face and tell it to F off. It’s hard work, but it makes the rest of our life so much easier.

8. You might not see any progress for a long time. But then, suddenly out of nowhere, you’ll notice how far you’ve truly come. Be patient and enjoy the journey.

9. A work of art is never finished. Neither are you.

10. Don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Only this moment at this time.

11. Although we live in a world that praises hard work, we must remember the immense value in pausing, taking a step back, and gaining some perspective and wisdom.

12. The start of acceptance is the start of looking closely at what we don’t want to see, what we don’t like, and what we have a hard time accepting, because that’s what needs to be accepted most.

13. Try not to carry all your ambitions and goals on your shoulders right now. Even dreams can become burdens that weigh us down. We can’t survive every moment all at once, but we can survive this moment. And this one.

14. Many of us are too afraid to think we can achieve big dreams, so we don’t even start. Fear of failure is the most debilitating fear there is because it almost guarantees failure. And it’s a near guarantee that we won’t even start and try.

15. Let everything in life be your motivation. Let that voice in your head that says you’ll fail inspire, motivate and encourage you. Relish in the challenges that made other people quit, and then keep going.

16. By seeing reality as it truly is, which is to see the interconnected oneness of all things, we reduce our judgment of other people for what they do, and we stop judging ourselves so harshly too, because we are all one looking back at ourself.

17. In a fleeting, impermanent, constantly changing universe, true happiness can never come from anything outside of us. It can only come from within.

 

We will never figure out what makes us truly happy in life if we do not first know ourselves. Discovering our true nature is the key to understanding ourselves, our species, and our place in the universe. In my new book, Finding Your True Self: A Love Story, take the journey within. It’s the most important journey any of us can take. Now available on Amazon in ebook and paperback.

Meet yourself, you’re amazing.

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Sexually Assaulted & Betrayed, Is Moving on Really Possible?

Q: Dear Todd, I have been sexually assaulted and betrayed by many. I have been struggling emotionally to move on when there is so much injustice around. What advice do you have for me?

Todd Answers: You’re a very strong survivor. I hope you are able to give yourself the time and love to feel and then heal from those traumatic events. Be patient with yourself, don’t focus on outcomes or expectations, and just listen to your heart. 

Don’t be afraid to sit alone with your thoughts and allow yourself to work through them. There is so much beauty in this world and I know it will find its way to you too.

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Path to Peace How to Feel Satisfied With What We Have in Life — Part 1

We humans are striving animals. More than any other species, humans have big goals, dreams and ambitions. Only humans want to change the whole world. That's both why humans are so successful, but it's also why we're never quite satisfied.

So how can we be happy with what we have while still striving for more? How can we struggle our way towards success, and yet be happy along the way? And how can we feel content no matter where we are, where we've been, and where we reach tomorrow? I answer these questions and more in this two-part series on finding contentment and peace right here and right now.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

One small positive message can uplift our day. Get your dose of positivity at https://www.youtube.com/toddperelmuter

Like what I’m doing? Support the show at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/toddperel.

I answer spiritual questions from people on my weekly Path to Peace newsletter. Join the community of like-minded beautiful souls right at https://www.eastwesticism.org

You can find my books on Amazon, Audible, BarnesandNoble.com, and anywhere else you get your books.

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Don’t Give Anyone the Power to Treat You Bad

Cruel words can only hurt us if they are tinged with truth. Not with objective truth, but with our own personal truth. Objectively, no words would ever hurt us because we would be looking at our situation rationally, from all angles, and we’d be honest with ourselves about what we know and don’t know.

If that inner voice in our head is self-critical, other people’s unkind words will really sting. How others treat us always starts with how we treat ourselves. The nature of our inner voice shows what we’ll tolerate, what we believe we deserve, and it gives our power away to those who would treat us unkindly. More on why we get angry, how to see it rising, and how we can nip it in the bud in this video.

When we acknowledge and release our insecurities, there is nothing anyone else can do to hurt us. We don’t need a single insecurity because not a single person is perfect. (If you have anxiety or insecurity stemming from a codependent relationship, you may find this podcast helpful.) There is no arriving at some ideal future moment of achievement. This is it. We’re in the moment. Whatever you think will make you happy in the future is only making you unhappy right now. This moment is all there is. Nothing is preventing us from fully enjoying it. The only thing that can possibly obscure our love for this moment is that inner voice. When that stops, no one else can ever treat us badly because their words will hold no weight with us.

 

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

It’s so important that we take time to heal. That means not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually too. Others may think that’s selfish and we may feel guilty, but it’s actually the most thoughtful, considerate thing we can do. 

This can be meditating, yoga, time with our friends and family, making art or music, or even just a walk in nature. In my latest video, I share some very deep spiritual truths that are fundamental to understanding the nature of the mind, and the key to lasting happiness and peace.

 

Pay extra attention to how that inner voice is self-talking. Notice if it is positive or negative. If the voice is negative, take a breath, slow down the breath and body, see if you can let go of that story or see it from a more beneficial perspective, and come back to the here and now. 

Love,

Todd

PS – What really matters is how we lived, how we loved, what impact we left, and how present we were for this brief wild ride. But we still fear the inevitable and see death as this thing we might be able to escape. More on this here.

This can be meditating, yoga, time with our friends and family, making art or music, or even just a walk in nature.

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