Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 30

How to Practice Stillness

Q: Dear Todd, how can I practice stillness?

TODD ANSWERS: It is much better to practice watching your breath because your breath is always with you. You don’t have to try to freeze, because your brain will always be receiving information (light, sound, etc…). But what you can practice is stilling your focus.

Focus on one thing very intently, whether it’s your breath, a mantra, or a flower. And just practice extended concentration. Once we can still our minds, we will experience stillness. Not the other way around. This is the path to deep peace — a mind that is calm, not easily distracted, and able to just be in the here and now.

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When the Toxic Person is Your Kid

Q: Dear Todd, I would love to know a way to find peace when the toxic individual is your 17 year old son. You are legally responsible for him; you still need to show him love. Yet you can’t stop him from using drugs; getting into trouble; hanging out with other antisocial individuals; refusing help; disrespecting you; or breaking all household rules. I’m sure there are more skilled parents who can achieve that. I have not been able to. All I have is: “You cannot remain here once you are 18.” 

Todd ANSWERS: First off, you are clearly a very concerned and devoted parent. These things happen despite doing absolutely everything for our children. We can’t change people unfortunately, but we can create the most supportive environment for that change to take place. Part of that involves letting go and realizing we can’t control others. Often, that grasping, forceful energy we place on others pushes them away. Create that loving, inviting space so they know they’ll be welcomed in your arms for help one day (soon hopefully). Realize that you can only do your best, everyone makes their own choices, and remember that as people grow older we tend to naturally grow up as well. 

So don’t lose faith, don’t lose your inner peace, stick to your convictions, and try to do so with love towards your child and yourself. It doesn’t mean we have to support it, condone it, or be happy about it. But we can accept it as simply the temporary truth of this moment, and there is peace in that acceptance. 

The universe is unfolding, with or without our consent. We can act in the world to bend it, shape it, and mold that unfolding. But we cannot fight it. We can work with it, but if we work against it we will only create our suffering and waste all our energy. When we flow with the universe, we act without attachment to a future outcome. We act upon our world but we do so with stillness in our heart. This is how we can impact the world without depression if we fail. We can work towards our goals, we can work incredibly hard and put in tremendous effort, but we don’t have to attach our present moment happiness to some future event. This is to flow. You, like the universe and like every flower on Earth, can allow your life to open and unfold effortlessly and with peace. It’s just the repeated practice of accepting this moment, and then letting it go.

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Path to Peace How to Handle Interactions with Difficult People

Difficult people. We have all dealt with them, we will all surely deal with them again, and chances are very good that we've even been that person from time to time.

So, how can we better deal with people who push our buttons? How can we prevent our own buttons from getting pushed?  Luckily, the answer is the same for both. An interaction between difficult people is a battle of two egos. When we rise above our  ego, we're able to better handle difficult people, AND we're able to better handle our own intensifying emotions. In today's podcast episode, I talk about how we can do exactly that.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter is proud to be supported by the nonprofit, Village Direct. Empowering women and indigenous communities by bringing spiritual, sustainable fashion to the world. Get your responsibly sourced, handmade clothing and accessories, and support a great cause, at http://www.villagedirect.org

Like what I do and want to SUPPORT what I am doing?
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ToddPerel
Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/toddperel

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey : https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Click here.

The post Path to Peace How to Handle Interactions with Difficult People appeared first on EastWesticism.

Does Our Consciousness Depend on Our Brain Activity?

Q: Dear Todd, space-time does change (Einstein’s relativity) and consciousness depends entirely on the function of the physical brain. Bonk someone on the head and they lose consciousness. Give them a general anesthetic and they lose consciousness. States of dreamless sleep lack consciousness. When the brain dies and its function ceases, the consciousness of that being is permanently extinguished. Any thoughts?

TODD ANSWERS: Yes indeed, space-time bends and warms all the time. The only permanence is impermanence in this physical universe.

However, it is not determined where consciousness lies. It is a total mystery. We do not know if our brain gives rise to consciousness or if our brains limit our consciousness to merely what our five senses can perceive. Perhaps dreamless sleep is actually the state of being conscious of absolutely nothing – no space and no time.

Consciousness truly is a complete mystery. People can be missing any number of the various parts of the brain, yet they can still be conscious. How it arises we do not know. But all that really matters is, when we turn our gaze back on itself we tap into our true nature, inner peace and joy.

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Path to Peace How to Heal From Abandonment Trauma

Throughout various stages of life, nearly all of us will face some kind of abandonment, neglect, separation or avoidance by someone we care about. And, because we all go through difficult times in our lives, the chances are likely that we will be emotionally unavailable to the people we care about from time to time. It's a world full of trauma survivors traumatizing other people accidentally.

But, the good news is that we can each summon that mystic healer we have inside all of us. We each come from a lineage of strong and unstoppable survivors. So no matter how lonely it feels, no matter how scary it can be, no matter how hurt we are, there is a way through. In today's podcast episode, I provide some tools so that we can heal ourselves, heal others, and heal this beautiful  world.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter is proud to be supported by the nonprofit, Village Direct. Empowering women and indigenous communities by bringing spiritual, sustainable fashion to the world. Get your responsibly sourced, handmade clothing and accessories, and support a great cause, at http://www.villagedirect.org

Like what I do and want to SUPPORT what I am doing?
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ToddPerel
Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/toddperel

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey : https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Click here.

The post Path to Peace How to Heal From Abandonment Trauma appeared first on EastWesticism.

The Vegetables Method for Controlling Thoughts

When we go on a downward spiral of negativity, underneath the thoughts are an attachment to those thoughts. This is the only reason we would mindlessly make ourselves suffer. Unconsciously, we want the drama, we want self-righteousness, we want the justified anger. AND, we unconsciously don’t want to let go, don’t want to accept, and don’t want to move on. The truth is, our value doesn’t come from others’ praise, worth doesn’t come from wealth, and contentment doesn’t come from achievement. If you ever feel inadequate or worthless, I recorded this podcast for you.

So first we have to become aware of what is going on beneath the surface. We have to see how we are addicted to egoic thinking. Then we can become aware of how we feed that thinking. We either feed it with enlightening activities (the “vegetables”);  or with gossip, comparison and competition (the mental “junk food”).

In the week ahead, just as we would lovingly call out a friend for saying something untrue or hurtful, let’s notice how we speak to ourselves. 

Is our mind always exaggerating (hint, it usually does)? Is it comparing? Is it considering other people’s opinions above our own? Is it focused on the past or future at the expense of the perfect present moment? Is it lost to fear or fantasy, draining our energy and making us inactive? 

Whenever the mind is not serving us, lovingly and sweetly call those thoughts out for being unhelpful and turn your mind back towards positive thoughts and feelings of compassion, goodwill and universal love. By eating those “vegetables,” whether it’s a bubble bath or a meditation or a yoga class or tea on the porch, our minds will naturally be peaceful and positive. More on how to write your own story, respond to life’s events with your highest wisdom, break down egos to connect with others, and master your mind and emotions in this video.

Love,

Todd

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A Page From My Personal Diary

Hello beautiful soul,

It took me 10 years of not drinking alcohol to finally realize that during my 10 years of drinking I was without a doubt a total alcoholic. I didn’t think I was. But one day it dawned on me, when alcohol touches my lips, I will drink it until I pass out. It’s the darndest thing.

For ten plus years of heavy functional drinking, I was drinking because I didn’t know how to change my thoughts. With no spiritual tools, drinking would at least obliterate me so I’d be unconscious of my thoughts and emotions. But every time I drank, I was only sabotaging any chance of being happy or healthy. My complete story on how I quit drinking with meditation here.

We can’t control our thoughts. We can’t predict our next thought. It comes completely outside of our control. BUT, we can create the conditions in our mind for positive and loving thoughts to arise. 

Once I learned to pull out the weeds in my mind’s garden — the weeds of envy, greed, worry and fear — I started to appreciate what I already had in my life. Once I planted the seeds of love and peace in my mind, and watered them with meditation and selflessness, peace and love flourished.

This week ahead, simply begin to notice the roots of stress and the symptoms of stress. By coming at it from both sides, we conquer it. The root cause stems from fear. Instead of being afraid of the fear, look at it. Say, “Ok, there is my fear. I’m noticing a fear that I’ll die soon (or be alone forever or whatever).” Now, notice the symptoms of stress in the body. It’s almost always in the breath, so take some huge belly breaths, as many and for as long as you like. (In my latest YouTube video, I share how we can see and understand life beyond death.)

Just as we wear our emotions on our face, we also hold stress in our body. An interesting fact about the mind is that if we think the word “smile,” our mind reacts as if we are smiling and it releases those happiness chemicals. Wherever your body is storing stress, mentally smile to that area, allowing for a release of tension there. 

Now that we’ve faced our fear and made some peace with it, and now that we’ve regulated our body’s nervous system, let’s go make our dreams a reality with gratitude for where we are, a vision for where we’re going, and the presence to make it happen.

Love,

Todd

PS – When we stay balanced on our middle path, we can take into account our family’s feelings, but we can also live our own life, our way and on our terms. Here’s what to do when our family doesn’t support us.

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Is Smoking Addiction Because Of Oral Fixation?

Q: Dear Todd, Is Smoking Addiction Because Of Oral Fixation?

TODD ANSWERS: If oral fixation is the problem, switching to gum would be an easy task. But, there is much more to smoking addiction than oral fixation. Oral fixation, which can have many causes, is always exacerbated by smoking.

Smoking doesn’t just reinforce the fixation either. It makes it stronger due to the nicotine withdrawal, which creates added stress and anxiety which makes oral fixation worse. The more calm awareness we bring to these fixative impulses, the more we can simply observe them and consciously choose not to act on them.

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Lost My Spouse & Unable to Find Right Partner Again

Q: Dear Todd, my wife was the closest person to me and she died last year, and now I’m stuck on this hell rock of a planet. I’m not that close to a lot of my family. This woman I know who is a widow who I was getting close to, is now showing her true colors, and it’s not in a good way. I’m really tired and waiting to join my wife when the time comes. I might end up by myself until that day comes!

TODD ANSWERS: Losing a spouse is unimaginable. Having to start over romantically must seem daunting, but you have already done the hard part that many people can never get to.

Some people will be right for you, some people will be wrong, and some people will be right for now. There will be ups and downs just like on a roller coaster and I am wishing you the #presence to enjoy the journey.

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How to Experience Bliss in Dark Times

Q: Dear Todd, how to experience moments of bliss in what would otherwise be described as dark circumstances?

TODD ANSWERS: By replacing negative thinking such as anger, greed, hatred and fear with the positive characteristics of love, compassion, generosity, gratitude and #kindness, we become happier and more peaceful. As we train the mind to focus rather than react unconsciously, we can create whatever reality we wish.

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