Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 2

3 Steps to Solve Your Life’s Mess

Yesterday I was so in the zone writing my next book, The Guidebook to Being Human, that I totally lost track of time and forgot to write the newsletter. But now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Hope everyone is enjoying mango season. They’re extra sweet this time of year so be sure to get your fill. I sure did.

This may surprise you, but peace and happiness is our natural state of being. But too often in life, we are being pushed and pulled in all sorts of directions. If we don’t wisely observe this taking place, we will quickly get tangled up in knots. 

Most of us are tangled. We need to untangle. Just like our cords that get all tangled up, with enough time and care, everything can be untangled.

When we are feeling very tight and tense, we need to loosen up. When our mind is spinning in circles, we need to take a pause. Then we can start to unwind.

Step 1) Stop Making the Problem Worse

The first step, as with any tangled cord, is to stop making the problem worse. Take a break from the activities that created the mess in the first place. Go out into nature if you can, free from all the influences that created this mess. Nature doesn’t want anything from you — you’re free to just be. If that’s unavailable, close your eyes and breathe.

Step 2) Examine the Mess

Notice the desires you’re running towards and the fears you’re running away from. 

Look at your attachments and loss. 

Face your regrets and your pain. 

See how everything in our society is practically designed to tie us in knots. We are either rewarded or punished in school, advertisements tell us what we should want, the news stokes our fears, and even the architecture around us either inspires us or depresses us. 

Step 3) Don’t React to Any of It 

One by one, unthread that cord by not reacting mentally or physically to any of the knots. Accept life exactly as it is. Accept you exactly as you are. Don’t respond to desires with craving and don’t respond to fear with anger or tension. Just be with it all.

When we can peacefully watch what used to drive us in knots, they become peaceful to us. Then they stop agitating us altogether.

This is how we reclaim our natural state. Eventually, we can witness whatever life throws our way without reacting. This is the lasting peace we’re all looking for.

When we can simply be — by letting everything else be — we rediscover our true self.

Don’t try to do it. All effort keeps us tense. Just rest into it. Don’t put expectations on top of your expectations. Play, explore, have fun. The right attitude is, whatever happens happens. Then, it surely will.

In our new film, Lost and Alone: Secrets of Finding Your True Self, I go into more depth about how we can rediscover our natural state of bliss. Looking forward to sharing and watching it with you.

Much love,

Todd

P.S. Here are a few other topics that I covered this week:

What if what you think is protecting you is actually holding you back? (Watch Here) What can we do when we’re hurting? Revenge? Ignore it? Distract ourselves? Drown our sorrows in substances? Or is there another path? (Watch Here) How can we get through hard times? (Listen Here) Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter Email JOIN

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The illusion you’ve believed your whole life…

Every cell of your body plays a role,

has an intelligence,

and they work together to create the illusion of a single individual self. 

Your cells are conscious. 

They are aware of their surroundings and react accordingly. 

They are imbued with universal consciousness. 

They’re just not so advanced, like us, to be able to falsely believe they are separate from the whole. 

They do their job, focused, and play their role without the ego’s need for praise or blame.

Your organs are conscious, highly advanced and intelligent. 

And from all the cells and organs in the body, your sense of a single consciousness emerges. 

Through all of the people and lifeforms in the cosmos, 

through all the cells and bacteria, 

the cosmos becomes conscious. 

A single consciousness arises from the universe.

This is what some call God or universal consciousness. Because being human seems good enough to most of us,

We’ve forgotten we’re God/the Universe. 

That is why we suffer. 

We are like the cells of a body, 

but believing we are separate, 

and special or unspecial, depending on whatever cell we’re comparing ourself to at the moment. 

We’ve forgotten we’re the whole. 

This is why we feel fragmented, alone, scared and agitated.

Have you ever noticed how we humans never compare ourselves with algae cells or some other egoless species?

We’re always competing and comparing, 

but never with planets or stars, rocks or streams. 

We only compare our ego (that illusory sense of self) to other people’s egos (their illusory selves). 

Because there is only oneness, 

Comparison can only happen between two mutual illusions,

which becomes a delusion. 

If you are ever comparing, it is only because your false self observed another false self.

The illusion of duality stems from the ego. 

Disidentify with your ego and all comparisons stop.

Then there is nothing left to compare to. 

There is only the Universe.

Much love,
Todd

P.S. My new book, The Guidebook for Being Human, will be coming out later this year. I felt it was about time that being born on this planet came with an instruction manual. Stay tuned for more updates.

P.P.S. The secret to a peaceful, happy, meaningful and rich life is so simple that we all fail to do it, because it seems too obvious and easy, and not as attractive as all the fascinating stories and technologies are.

I talk more about this in the upcoming film, Lost and Alone. Coming Out on July 12th. I know what you’re thinking, “Not another movie coming out on Todd’s birthday just to remind everyone it’s his birthday ???” Yep that’s exactly what it is

Here are a few other topics that I covered this week:

Can Christians Meditate or Is it a Sin? (Watch Here) How to Hold on When You’re Losing Hope (Listen Here) Leave, Change, Stay, Move. How to Choose What to Do and How to Do It with Peace (Read Here) When the Feeling of Worthlessness Creeps in, What Do You Do? (Read Here) How to Break Free from Compulsive Thinking (Read Here) Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter Email JOIN

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Break free from the trap

You are trapped. Not in a physical cage, but in a mental one. Luckily, this is a cage of our own making, and we each possess the key to freedom.

The cage is made of our conditioned likes and dislikes. We think they are not conditioned, that they are natural, innate to us. But they are all conditioned, and they can be changed. 

I used to hate olives and cilantro. They made me throw up. Then one day, a friend told me how she grew to love a food she hated. I had never heard of this concept or knew it was possible. “Challenge accepted,” I thought. 

I kept eating both foods as much as I could stand — it was very gross at first. But today, they are two of my favorite foods. I’ve even heard on more than a few occasions that some people are genetically predisposed to hate cilantro, and they will never be able to change. It always makes me laugh.

Our likes and dislikes can swap. We can learn to love healthy foods, where we used to only eat processed foods. We can learn to love exercise, where it was once the last thing we’d ever want to do.

I also used to hate running. I couldn’t do it. The most I’d ever run in my life was one mile, and I could count the number of times on one hand that I’d been able to do it. It was so hard and arduous, that I thought there must be something wrong with marathoners. Well, last year I got really into walking. I was walking six to ten miles a day. I was getting quite fit. One day, I just had so much energy that I picked up the pace and found myself jogging. And I LOVED it. Today, I am obsessed with running. It is so fun and such a spiritual and mentally challenging activity (but you still won’t catch me at any marathons )

Not only can our likes and dislikes swap, but we can even let them both go. Instead of being for or against everything, we can just be with everything, becoming one with everything. This is true freedom. No longer does the outer world control us. No longer do our internal thoughts and feelings dictate our actions. This is the secret to breaking free.

If we look closely, we’ll notice that not only do displeasing things make us suffer, but even pleasing experiences generate feelings of craving and withdrawal. The key is to realize you are the hamster running on the hamster wheel. You can stop and get off anytime. 

Deep down, we think that we need to react to our mind — chase pleasure and resist pain — in order to succeed and acquire. But don’t growing pains lead to success?

So the question is, can we act to create change without the attachment to our likes and dislikes? The clear answer is, only then can we work without stress, love our challenges, and fully enjoy the pleasures of life.

Much love,
Todd

P.S. Here are a few other topics that I covered this week:

They Fought Like Hell for You to Be Here (Watch Here) Why Bad Things Happen to Good People? (Listen Here)

3. When Life Feels Out of Control (Read Here)

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Change this, change your life

If you pull out your phone to avoid your emotions, you are not ready to pull out your phone. Everything you do on your phone will be neurotic, dependency-based, and ultimately destructive.

Imagine you find out your car is in need of repair. It’s starting to make a weird noise. Instead of having a mechanic fix it, you fill up the gas tank with sand. This is what we are doing when we turn to any escape from ourselves. There is a problem inside us, and instead of seeing what’s wrong, we dump in more junk to clog up the gears.

If we keep dumping sand in our gears to smother our uncomfortable feelings, eventually we are going to break down. We think we are self-soothing, but we are really accumulating and compounding stress, sadness and anger.

The key is to look closer. Stop running away from yourself. Stop fearing discomfort. And stop being controlled by your thoughts and emotions. See exactly what the nature of thought is. See every detail of these fleeting emotions and feelings and how they arise in the body and mind. 

When you truly look, you will discover that all experiences are nothing more than little fluxations, pulsations and vibrations within your field of consciousness. With steady awareness, you will notice that they arise atop a sea of calm and stillness. Only by looking will you discover the peace beneath the surface.

Once you are OK with the discomfort, once you have been able to welcome it completely, without resistance, then go about your day. Enjoy the pleasures of life. For now, they will no longer be a need or a distraction. They will be the play and exploration of this life, free from addictive craving or inner turmoil.

When we can sit with discomfort, everything in life becomes a gift. When we can observe our suffering peacefully, there is no more suffering.

Much love,
Todd

P.S. Here are a few other topics that I covered this week:

This Might Be the Biggest Mistake You’re Making (Listen Here)

2. Should Men Cry? Should Men Hide Their Emotions? (Watch Here)

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When Someone Says Something You Disagree With

When someone says something you disagree with, can you instead of rejecting it or absorbing it, can you let it pass through you? Can you give it space to be? Can you see it, play with it, and let it go back into the void without blocking or denying or accepting it? This is what it means to be fully open to life.

If you’re a human being (and I’m just going to assume that you are), then people are going to say things you disagree with. In fact, lots of people, lots of times. 

Sometimes it’s our own brains that say things we wholeheartedly disagree with. Things like, “Eat that whole pizza,” “Smoke a cigarette,” or, “I’m worthless.”

So why does a disagreeable sentence upset us so? Why do we feel the need to argue, make a point, or silently fume in anger? And do we really, truly want to live in a world where everyone has the same thoughts?

These are the two reasons we get upset by disagreement:

The ego bounces back disagreeable opinions and sticks to agreeable ones. The ego is the false entity that holds opinions, and therefore creates all conflict. The ego creates the target for its own wounds. The bigger the ego, the bigger the bullseye. Nothing can pass through the ego undisturbed. But the true self lets all things pass right through it.A habit of reaction. Since childhood, we have reacted to our thoughts. Sad thoughts make us sad, scary ones make us scared, angry ones make us angry. We are slaves to thoughts, habitually reacting to them. It makes no difference if it’s our own thoughts or someone else’s spoken out loud — we react.

The fact is, words disappear as soon as they’re said. It is only in our mind where they continue to live because we give them life.

The spiritual practice is simple and it solves every problem, even this one. Don’t react to thoughts, stay focused on the present, and practice this daily. Do it in meditation and throughout the day. As thoughts come up (which they surely will), stay focused on the present moment in front of you and within you — your breath, body or surroundings. Don’t let thoughts distract you from this moment. This is the practice of our lives. This practice infuses thoughts with a peaceful, calm, and undisturbed energy. Then, when someone says something we disagree with, nonreaction will be our new habit.

We have three options when someone says something we disagree with. We can reject it, which creates conflict and anger. We can accept it, which means we change our views based on whoever is around us and we give our power over to others. Or, we can be space, which is to recognize that there is no entity within us that can be affected by other people’s opinions — not even our own opinions.

Be space, my friend.

Much love,

Todd

P.S. Here is another topic that I covered this week:

We’re All Buddha and Hitler, But Here’s the Good News (Listen Here)

P.P.S. As a further reminder not to take anyone’s negative or unkind words too seriously, watch our latest film on YouTube, God’s Dream. One day you’ll wake up from the dream and wonder, “Why was I so upset and worried.” Well, you don’t have to wait for that day anymore.

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter Email JOIN

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The Vacation Trap

We are an outward-focused species. We believe that fortunate circumstances will make us happy. On vacation, we’re supposed to be happy and the rest of the year is supposed to be a struggle. 

But what kind of life will we lead when only the extraordinary brings us joy? 

Whatever we do frequently becomes ordinary, so even the extraordinary will quickly become dull to us.

Rather than waiting for an extraordinary vacation to be happy, we need to pay attention to our internal state of being on an ordinary day. This is where the quality of our lives will be measured.

It’s great when everything in life goes great and is constantly stimulating and exciting, but if we neglect our internal situation, we will not even be able to enjoy the good times, let alone the challenging times.

It is not the external circumstances of our lives that create the conditions for happiness. It is our internal environment. We need to sweep out the internal cobwebs, clean out the mental chaos, and let some fresh air in. We can’t always control what happens in our lives, but luckily, our mind is the one place we can control.

When was the last time you watched a sunset or sunrise? Could you watch it for more than a couple minutes before looking away? Most people’s minds are so chaotic, they can’t watch a sunset or look at the stars for more than a couple minutes before getting bored. If we can’t do that, how are we supposed to enjoy anything real in our lives?

We may walk around with our eyes open, but we are a species asleep at the wheel. But the solution is very simple: look within. Awaken to the dream you are living in. Pay attention to the narrator of your life. Notice its obsession with the outside world. Is out there so much more important than inside your body and mind? Where does true happiness really come from? When you discover the source of peace, happiness, love and gratitude within, the chaos out there won’t matter so much.

Recently, a dear friend who happens to be an extraordinary filmmaker asked if he could film me answering some questions about this very topic — the daydream through which we experience our lives, and more importantly, how we can awaken from it. He turned those answers into a beautiful masterpiece I couldn’t be more pleased with.

The premiere of the film, God’s Dream, will be today at 8am EST on YouTube. I’ll be watching it live with you to answer any questions you may have, respond to your comments and thoughts, or even your scathing criticisms and horrible insults (just kidding, I really think you’ll like it). Come by even just to say hi in the comments. Can’t wait to see you there.

Much love,

Todd

P.S. Here are a few other topics that I covered this week:

What Happens When We Sit in Silence for an Extended Period of Time (Watch Here) 3-Step Process for Improving All Our Relationships (Listen Here)

3. How to Succeed Without Losing Your Peace (Read Here)

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter Email JOIN

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Don’t fall for this trick

When we don’t know who we are, we can easily begin to see ourselves the way other people see us. But most often, those people don’t even know who they are. So we are seeing ourselves through the eyes of people who have no idea what a human being truly is.

We can only know others when we truly know ourselves. We are the gateway to understanding the complex and vast experience of being human.

Most people don’t truly see themselves or others. They see labels. They see a collection of traits and a name. But we are still who we are without any words at all. These labels then become permanent fixtures obscuring an ever changing person. Isn’t it funny how we often hate a person throughout our entire life because of something they did in 3rd grade?

To understand others, we have to start with ourselves. There is only one person we have full, unfettered access to. There is only one mind and body we can truly observe. Luckily, that is enough, because deep down below our unique genetics, conditioning and lived experience, lies the exact same essence of life itself. The same laws of physics and nature that govern your body govern everything in the cosmos. All we have to do is look within.

When we start to do this, we no longer fall for the trap of seeing ourselves through others’ eyes. Instead, we can see others as they are — confused, unaware, subject to their conditioning. We can see their projections. When we see clearly, other people’s distortions become clear to us as well. How others see us tells us more about them than it does about us.

When I was a young copywriter in advertising, if my ideas weren’t chosen I thought I was a total failure. If the next day a client liked my ideas, I was the greatest advertising genius that ever lived. Today, I realize ideas and brands are like people — not every idea is right for every brand. That doesn’t mean either is worthless. It just means we have to become aware of the bigger picture.

The sharper our image of reality becomes, the less we fall for other people’s biases and misperceptions. All of our thoughts are the result of our past. They are influenced by others. So when we simply practice observing without labeling — our breath, our body, or our mind — our true selves can finally be revealed.

As soon as we label, we’re no longer observing. Whenever we observe completely, there is no thought. But if we can observe our thoughts whenever they do arise as they surely will, then insight and wisdom can also arise.

The more we look within, the more we inevitably realize that there is no separate self. 

Consciousness, which observes our mind and body, has no identity. These seemingly separate bodies we have are actually inseparable from the causes and conditions that made them. Who we truly are is the ever flowing vibration and energy of this universe. We are not other people’s insecurities projected onto us. We are not their criticisms or judgments. We are not the false self they created in their mind of us. We cannot own their blame or their praise. We are simply the loving balance and harmony of oneness.

It’s one thing to know about oneness. It’s another thing to feel it, see it and experience it because only then can it truly transform us. Now you can go on the journey of awakening in our latest film, God’s Dream, coming out next Sunday, May 18th, 2025 on YouTube. Keep an eye out. I’ll be watching it with you.

Much love,

Todd

P.S. Here are a few other topics that I covered this week:

When Life Seems to Be Going in the Wrong Direction (Listen Here)

2. What It Takes to Live a 1% Life (Watch Here)

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter Email JOIN

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Path to Peace Healing the Part of You That Keeps Getting Disappointed

Words hurt. The unkind words and actions of others can hurt far worse than physical pain. Physical pain is fleeting, but disappointment, betrayal, disrespect and cruelty can last a lifetime and change us forever.

So what can we do? Is there a way for other people's words and actions not to effect us? Is it truly possible to stay at peace, even when you're home for Thanksgiving with all the people who know exactly how to push your buttons?

In this podcast, I share the real reason we get upset. I talk about how to keep our peace despite terrible circumstances. And I discuss what to do when we find ourselves in those unbearable situations.

Once we understand why we lose our cool, keeping it becomes easy.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey: https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

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Path to Peace What to Do When Your Thoughts Are Making You Miserable

Why isn't peaceful oneness our natural way of being? Why does it seem so hard to break free from our fears and pain? Why do we fall for the illusion of separateness? Why is there even this illusion that makes us suffer and feel alone?

In this podcast, I get to the heart of why our thinking causes us so much misery. I talk about why we fall for illusions. I discuss the root cause of internal and external conflict in this world. And I share simple ways to root out those causes so we can live a life of peace and joy. 

We don't need to have a perfect life. We simply need to realize it's already perfect.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey: https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

The post Path to Peace What to Do When Your Thoughts Are Making You Miserable appeared first on EastWesticism.

Why Personal Growth Matters Even When You’re Alone

Why should I change myself to become better if I have nobody in my life? This is a two-pronged question. Because when we say “better,” what do we really mean? And that word, better, means two things to the person who asked this question.

Better in the sense of, “I want to feel better. I want my mind to stop fighting me. I want to be happier, healthier, and better in all of those senses.”The second sense is better, meaning, morally speaking.

And we’ll address both because they do go hand in hand.

We could wonder, why should I work on myself if I’m alone, when I could simply give in completely to addiction or escapism through entertainment, or losing myself in my work? Why bother meditating, eating right, doing yoga, spending time outdoors, being active, and meeting new people?

And the second part of this question is, why should I become a better person to others if I am by myself? Why should I be kinder, more patient, a better listener, more honest, more generous, and more compassionate?

The very beautiful thing about spirituality is that we take this holistic viewpoint. So these two concepts are one and the same. 

The reason we work on ourselves is so we can be better to others, including ourselves as well. One of the reasons we practice compassion and kindness is because of how enriching it is for ourselves. So, let’s first start with the latter, and then work our way back to the former, and then talk about how they are interconnected and feed off of each other.

When we are practicing compassion towards others, and as we practice self-love, healing, and personal growth, when it comes to becoming a better person towards others, no person is an island. No one completely lives alone, with no interaction with other people.

I’ve met many sadhus and monks who would meditate for years in solitude in a cave. Yet, someone would bring them food daily. We are truly interconnected beings. If you’re reading this, it tells me you are not that rare person living in the forest, completely cut off from everyone, completely living off the land, and truly alone and away from humans.

Everything in this universe is deeply interconnected. And little actions can have drastic consequences and large ripple effects that spread out in every direction. It’s very difficult to have some action taken that has no consequences. Because if you look into it, almost every single action that anyone takes affects themselves in a way that changes them.

When they interact with other people, they are fundamentally different because they have gone through some kind of event, which, as hard as they try to keep secret from everyone else, subtly affects that person in some way. Then that person may respond differently to someone else, which further changes that person.

That’s the best-case scenario where we are trying to do something and no one sees, and no one’s around. But most of the time, we’re doing something, someone else is around, and someone else is affected. And that ripple effect gets much more powerful.

When we are selfish, if we are impatient or unkind, our interactions with people will more likely be negative and confrontational. Those ripple effects, which spread out in every direction of this universe, inevitably make the universe a more negative, confrontational place.

You might get in a fight with someone, and that person may later get in a fight with their spouse or a child, because they have taken on that combative and stressful encounter. Then that kid or spouse will take on that traumatic experience, and they will have to spend time healing that process, or not, and passing on more anger and confrontation.

 

1. Nurture Your Compassion

When we nurture compassion — when we nurture our generosity and loving-kindness, which is possible — the more we learn this, the more we practice it, the more we meditate and visualize this feeling of love and compassion for everyone, the more our interactions become positive and joyful. And the more they fill us up with that love for life, instead of draining us and taking it away.

That creates a ripple effect. People pass love on. When we have that mindset of patience and contentment, when we’re fully present — not worrying or stressing, just flowing with the universe — we’re more likely to have many more of these positive and uplifting experiences, creating a more positive universe that reflects back at us from the impact we’ve made.

Because when we are that example, everyone around us becomes affected by that. Then everyone around all of those people becomes affected by those people. Even though it can be subtle and nuanced, these little acts — these ways that we take care of our mind so that we can be fully present for others — this is the only way the world changes.

You may be alone right now, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever. And the more you tap into that wellspring of universal love, which is in all of us and is infinitely deep, the more likely it is that our encounters with strangers become so joyful and so meaningful that they want to spend time with you, and you want to spend time with them.

Some people are more introverted, and some people are more extroverted. We always have to listen to our own hearts, because we’re all different. But at the end of the day, we are social animals. Even if it’s two introverts sitting in silence together, that sharing of space and energy is so healing and so powerful that it is one of the main causes for people to live into very old age. And if solitude is where you heal, that is perfectly fine.

There are many monks who live in solitude, many mystics and holy men and women who have found a great source of peace there. But if you nurture that feeling of love and compassion within you, and if you are just bursting with love and joy, and everyone you meet just wants to be basking in your glow, you may find yourself no longer alone.And you’ll be very glad that you practiced how to be gracious and at peace, so that you can enjoy the company of others. You can enjoy alone time as well, because you have created a life that is more about giving to others than being self-centered or self-conscious. And this is very easy to do.

 

2. Align Your Actions With Your Intentions

The second thing we can do is something that is very common in Hinduism and Buddhism, which is: they have these precepts or vows that they all take — monks and ashram members — in order to create a more peaceful, harmonious life. The way they do that is with their actions, thoughts, and words in alignment with their intentions.

When there is disunity — when we are addicted to something and we want to stop, but we can’t and we keep doing it over and over again — it creates that disunity and inner turmoil, because our actions are not aligned with our intentions. Even our thoughts are betraying us. So what they take a vow for is to live honestly and make an honest living, to never lie, to never steal, and to never harm another living being.

While they have more vows and precepts beyond these, just these alone will really help us to find balance and live without fear — fear of getting caught, fear of someone taking revenge on you. And it frees you, because when you are not harming anyone, then you have a freedom that arises to do as you wish, because you are not harming anyone. So the more you do, the better.

Wherever you go, if you make situations better, people will treat you the way you treat them. Life dramatically improves when we simply give our fellow humans our own time and attention — to be fully present with them, and to have the generosity and kindness to hold space with them, to allow them to be. And in doing so, they allow you to be. And two souls are helping each other be more authentically themselves, so they can blossom into the people they were meant to be.

The amount of ripple effects from treating everyone like the magical beings they are becomes so great that you are constantly surrounded by love and joy from others. When you become the engine of kindness, it is like you are starting that engine of kindness in everyone around you. You will be spreading this joy contagion to others, and they will spread it right back to you.

It will build and build and build, and then you’ll look back and you will be amazed at the joyous life you have created.

 

3. Do Inner Work

Now, the third way that we become better and better ourselves is through that inner work. And that is the work of meditation, mindfulness, being more present in our daily lives, getting rid of our stress in a healthy and productive way instead of trying to escape it through drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. It’s getting physically healthy, not just spiritually and mentally, which means eating whole foods that come from nature, and getting our bodies moving.

So why should we do that? Why should we try to do the right thing? That’s hard if we are alone, and nobody will be there to see our progress or praise us or notice our change.

Well, the answer to that is: if your mind is creating nothing but joy, and you feel deeply grateful and blessed and wonderful, and there is not a problem in the world, then you are probably not asking this question.

But if your mind is generating suffering, if something feels like it’s missing in your life, if you feel like there is something more to the work-play-sleep cycle of life, if you feel that there is potential to experience this life in a more beautiful and profound way, then that inner work is there for us.

Even though that inner work will certainly make you kinder to the clerk at the grocery store or the barista at the coffee shop, and even though it can bring meaning to those moments where we interact — which, again, science has shown, those little moments of human interaction (a waiter, a bank teller) — those moments are very healing and very fulfilling. And people report how much it brightens their day when a stranger compliments their outfit or shoes, or when someone has a conversation with a stranger on the street.

But the real reason we do that inner work is because we recognize that all suffering stems from the mind.

To prove that that is true, here’s a little thought experiment: let’s say you have a situation where a person gets robbed. And that person gets angry and sad and furious that this happened. Now, take that same person in the same situation, but let’s just say he’s high on drugs. I think we’ll see that, because his mind is different, he can be totally fine with his stuff being stolen — might not even notice.

But the beauty is that inner work changes our mindset — not in a way that dulls our senses, but in a way that heightens them. That raises our awareness to the point where we recognize that the anger does not serve us. That the anger doesn’t get our stuff back. And that it only hurts us, raises our blood pressure, gives us a panic attack, constricts our blood vessels, causes back pain and shoulder pain, and all of those stress-related chronic pains.

With that inner work, we can all change our mind — and in a way that increases our wisdom. Because we are practicing raising our awareness. It’s awareness and observation that are the foundation for wisdom. That is why every scientific field involves observation. Scientific study is observation. So the more we practice witnessing our thoughts, we become deeply knowledgeable about how our mind works — so that we get to a place where we’re not lost in our thoughts, we’re witnessing our thoughts.

And we can get to a place where we practice so much that we let go of the past, we let go of the future, and we’re able to sit in the present and enjoy the moment

Many people will try and spend their whole lives chasing after some pleasure in order to avoid the here and now. And they make their entire life a chase. It’s constantly having to go from pleasure to pleasure, entertainment to entertainment, distraction to distraction. Or they find out, when they have to finally sit with themselves and their thoughts, that they cannot stand to be with themselves because they have neglected themselves.

If you try your whole life chasing addictions, you eventually may come to discover that it is an empty, meaningless, futile attempt to avoid this one precious, beautiful life that we were given. That inner work is simply turning our attention inward. Giving that attention and space to ourselves. Allowing ourselves to be, to heal, to process any kind of trauma, any kind of situation we’ve been through in our lives. 

To do those things that are slightly difficult now, but build up our happiness over time — our lasting, permanent level of happiness, our baseline. Because there are two things we do in life: there are the pleasures that are easy and effortless, and they give you a dopamine rush and boost all your happiness chemicals for a brief, fleeting moment, like chocolate cake or alcohol. 

And then, once that pleasure wears off, there is pain — withdrawal, hangover, sugar crash — and always followed by more craving, more longing, and more desires. Never satisfied. When we do that work, it’s about loving ourselves enough to invest in ourselves, in our future selves, in our lasting happiness, and in that great, audacious goal that we’re all put here to find, which is: a life of purpose, presence, and peace.

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