Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 32

If We Are All God Then There’s No Need to Stop God in Form of Hitler

Q: Dear Todd, if you’re really to consider Non-Duality on a deep level you’ll come up against the idea that free will is just an illusion, and so is morality, and if we are all God then there’s no reason to stop God in the form of Hitler from committing atrocities. And a whole lot of other stuff.

TODD ANSWERS: I don’t see a tiger fighting a buffalo and think to myself that the buffalo should just give up because they’re both one. Nor do I see them fighting because they are separate. They are both the oneness of the universe expressing itself.

There is balance in this universe. A Hitler rises and forces rise up against him. This is the expression of oneness. The yin and the yang. When we can rest in that peaceful center that has no opposite, then we can find lasting peace. Until then, we can only hope to be a force for good in this world.

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Teaching Children Mindfulness: Fun & Easy Ways

Kids are much smarter than most people realize. They have a deep understanding of their feelings and an awareness and sensitivity to the world around them. This is why children are never too young for mindfulness and meditation.

Young children may not understand big words like interconnectedness and consciousness. But, they do understand the meaning behind these terms when explained to them properly.

Better than even some adults who have deeply ingrained habits of constantly being lost in thought, children are often able to pick up mindfulness and meditation much easier and faster.

Mindfulness can help kids be happier, healthier, and correct behavioral problems. It can help them cope with bullying, focus, and even get better grades too.

Here I’ll explain how to teach mindfulness and meditation to children of all ages.

But first, to get everyone on the same page…

 

Mindfulness for Adults

Mindfulness is simply being aware of everything that is happening in the present moment—how you feel, what you’re thinking, and what is happening around you. It’s about paying attention to all these things so that you become conscious of your thoughts, words, and actions.

When we’re not mindful we become lost in thought, unaware of what we’re doing and what’s happening around us. We tend to fixate on the past or future. We respond unconsciously to our impulses and we succumb to addictions and negative thoughts or behaviour.

When we’re not mindful, we’re literally mindless—asleep at the wheel. We’re still awake, but it’s more of an autopilot. But the more we pay attention to our thoughts, the less repetitive, compulsive, and negative they become.

Every choice we make starts in the mind. By learning mindfulness, every aspect of our lives can become more thoughtful, more aligned with our intentions, and more meaningful and fulfilling. 

 

Teaching Mindfulness to Young Children

Children as young as three know what it’s like to be aware of something. This is a great place to start. Use words they understand and that apply to them.

Start simply by asking them to describe in more detail how they’re feeling, what they’re seeing and hearing, and what they’re thinking about. This can be done while they’re eating, at the park, or at home, and will help them begin to be aware of their senses, communicate them, and to observe consciously rather than react mindlessly.

A Mindfulness Exercise for the Little Ones.

Blowing bubbles is the perfect way to help kids become aware of their breath. And it’s fun!

Have them take a deep breath in, notice their belly getting bigger, then blowing carefully the biggest bubble they can while they pay close attention to the colors and the shape of the bubble. 

Let them know that anytime they’re sad, they can pay attention to their breath, just like they did with the bubbles and they can blow out all their sadness and anger.

 

There’s No Time Like Free Time

So much of children’s time is spent structured. Make time for free time. Allow as many moments of peace and quiet as your child will tolerate.

Encourage them to explore their mind and notice how often they notice their breath. This will help them become aware of their awareness and be less identified by and controlled by their thoughts.

It is unfortunate that for so many children, the only time they have to sit in peace and quiet is so often a punishment called “time out.” This makes kids associate stillness and contemplation as bad experiences and makes it more difficult for them to meditate as they grow older.

Instead of punishment, just sit with them and look at a flower or something else in nature together.

 

Fun Ways of Helping Kids to Enjoy Mindfulness

I think nature (flowers, plants, trees, clouds) is a great place to help them see beyond the object and look deeper into all the shades and shapes and colors. Same with the breath. For kids, watching their breath can be a little difficult so having them put their hand on their belly and notice it rising and falling is good.

 

Teaching Meditation and Mindfulness for Older Kids

As kids get a little older, say four or five, they begin to be able to sit still for longer and they have become more aware of their thoughts and feelings. 

This is a great time to explain children what mindfulness meditation is and how it can help them. You can explain how mindfulness makes you happy and feel better. They’re now old enough to realize they’ve got this constantly thinking brain in their head but there is a way to quiet it down. 

Encourage your children to notice little, subtle things and share with you what they noticed. Things like their heartbeat, bird noises, the veins in a leaf, etc…

Some Mindfulness Games for the Not Quite Teens

What Do You Notice?

For a minute or two, you and your child can just sit silently as they observe what they see, hear, taste, smell, and feel. Then afterward have them describe what they noticed. 

Don’t Forget to Breathe.

You can put their favorite toy on their belly as they lie down, watching how their breathing makes the toy rise and fall with their inhale and exhale. This will help them be aware of their breath and teach them how to breathe properly, fully and deep into the belly, in a fun way they’ll love.

 

Teaching Teens Mindfulness

Those teen years can be some of the most challenging times of a young person’s life. And their parents. That’s why this is the age kids really need the skill of mindfulness to navigate their complex and rapidly changing thoughts. Kids at this age become very focused on relationships, sports, and worries about their future. So teach mindfulness with this in mind. 

Teach teens about the value of these relationships. Show how that when we are fully present, we can better listen and empathize with others. 

Show teens how being present and aware of your body, athletic performance can be improved by tuning out distractions and focusing.

Explain to teens how there is a feeling of inner peace and joy from being present when you’re not worrying about the future or agonizing over something in the past. 

Teens are able to understand how drugs and alcohol dull our senses and make it more difficult to experience lasting inner joy and happiness. 

 

Mindfulness and Meditation Tools for Teens

At this age, teens can now fully take part in mindfulness meditation. This will help them see first-hand all the benefits mindfulness has to offer. As they find peace within and have a greater awareness of their thoughts and behavior, they will be less likely to act out impulsively or seek out harmful activities.

Morning Meditation

Every day before they go off for school, have the family sit down to just close your eyes and put your all’s attention on your breath. This can be for 5 or 10 minutes and will create a very positive start to the day.

Moment of Gratitude

Before family dinners, take a moment of silence to appreciate all the many aspects of where dinner came from and how it was prepared. Think of and thank the farmers, the sun, the rain, and the air. Thank the truck drivers, the truck drivers’ parents, the road pavers, the grocery store clerks. Give thanks to whoever prepared the food, the dish and silverware manufacturers, the table and chair makers… The list is endless.

This moment of gratitude gives us a moment to not only reflect and be grateful. It also shows us how we are deeply interconnected with every living being on this planet.

This sense of oneness will make us feel happier and less alone in addition to becoming more mindful of this fundamental truth. 

 Don’t Push or Force Mindfulness Meditation for Children

Be patient as you teach patience. If a child is really putting up a fight, don’t force it. Let it happen on their own time. Kids do want to learn about nifty things that make them feel good. But, it has to be the right time. 

Just don’t give up. Mindfulness and meditation are skills kids learn from an early age that will help them through every stage of life. They will be blessed and lucky to have had such good parents to teach them.

If you found this helpful, please check out our YouTube page where we post meditations for ADD/ADHD, guided meditations, and more. Peace and love.

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How I Quit Drinking and Smoking with Meditation

Ever since I was a teenager, smoking and drinking were the perfect things to take me away from the pressure, stress, and angst of growing up in a small town with not much else to do. Only years later would I discover how to quit drinking and smoking with meditation.

But back then, drinking and smoking were the only things that could quiet my racing mind. They got me out of my head and gave me the pleasure and courage I was seeking.

 

Why Do We Use Addictive Substances?

Like anyone else who drinks and smokes too much knows, the pleasure was always followed by pain: coughing fits, hangovers, and blacked-out nights full of dumb decisions and stupid mistakes.

Drinking and smoking were not making me truly happy. They were merely the easiest way to temporarily dull my senses so that I couldn’t notice the real cause of my suffering.

Drinking and smoking were quick fixes to bring me below the conscious mind and into an unconscious stupor. I was always a jovial and kind fella, but I wasn’t truly happy. I was chasing happiness, and these were the ways that I knew of to temporarily experience happiness. 

At the time, I really didn’t know why I smoked or drank. If you had asked me, I would have said, “Because I like it.” I just thought life was meant to be lived and to have as much fun as possible. What I didn’t really consider is that I wasn’t living, I was killing myself.

 

Rock Bottom

When you live in New York City in your 20s, going out and drinking every night is pretty common. What’s uncommon is blacking out almost every single night. Luckily, like most New Yorkers, I didn’t have a car and so there were very few consequences.

Then, during a trip back to my hometown, I was driving back to my parent’s house from a bar late one night after only having three drinks but on an empty stomach, and I had a minor crash in my mom’s brand new car. I had fallen asleep at a red light. When I woke up, I saw the car had rolled off the road and into a tree.

I called my parents to come to get me and they were PISSED. I quickly realized that I had two choices: keep drinking and they would be pissed at me for the rest of my life, or quit drinking and they would be thrilled to no end. Up until then, they had wanted me to quit drinking for a long time but I always brushed it off as them just being parents who just don’t understand.

This time was different. If my continued drinking of alcohol would cause a rift in the family, then drinking would no longer make me happy. If getting blacked out regularly was the result of my drinking, that’s not joy. Why was I even drinking?!

 

Choosing to Quit Alcohol and Smoking with Meditation

I made a conscious decision then and there to turn this terrible experience into the greatest moment in my life. I decided that this moment would be my rock bottom and I was going to quit drinking forever. But how?

There was no method for quitting drinking with a very high success rate. Most people who went through treatment programs experienced multiple relapses and I didn’t want to do that.

I had learned to meditate in my late teens, but my excessive drinking and smoking made it practically impossible to continue my daily meditation practice.

It’s much more tempting to light up or have a drink to feel better than it is to sit with your thoughts for 20 or 30 minutes. And it’s impossible to meditate at night when you’ve been drinking and it’s even harder to do it in the morning when you’re hungover. But now, I figured, was the perfect time to get back into it. I committed to quit drinking and smoking with meditation.

 

The Road to Recovery with Meditation

From that day forth, I began meditating for 20 minutes twice a day. When I got back to New York, I got a counselor who specialized in addiction who I met with once a week. It was the counselor who reminded me that I’d wrecked a car whenever I had urges to drink. But it was the meditation that gave me inner peace and lasting joy so that I no longer needed to drink. 

It was during my meditation that I had plenty of time to reflect and meditate on my smoking as well. It doesn’t take much self-reflection that these crutches cause stress, they don’t relieve it.

As the buzz wears off, you quickly need more, or else you’re in for subtle withdraws that consume your thoughts and urge you to have another. Like drinking, smoking is an endless money pit of stress, disease, and misery that distracts you from the true source of happiness.

After meditating for six months, my cravings for both were completely gone and I stopped seeing my counselor. I haven’t had a craving for either in over 10 years. Meditation to quit drinking and smoking was the best decision.

Thanks to meditation, I see both drinking and smoking with great clarity—as addictive poisons that rob us of our higher intelligence. And it was surprisingly easy!

 

What Meditation Showed Me About Drinking and SmokingSeeing Clearly

Meditation showed me that lasting peace and bliss comes from within, not from fleeting external pleasures. It just takes one conscious breath to let go of any stress and tension, and to feel a deep and abiding calm, joy, and gratitude. I see clearly now the insanity of throwing away money to slowly kill myself. All I was doing was delaying myself from finding the true source of happiness. 

 

The Key to True Happiness

Now, feeling good naturally is what I chase. I eat healthy organic food as much as possible, work out regularly, and spend more time in nature. And most importantly, I still meditate twice a day. Thanks to quitting, my work is better, my sleep is better, my relationships are better and my life is infinitely better. I can vouch for the fact that meditation to quit drinking and smoking is the best way to sobriety.

I continued going to bars to be with my friends. However, I’ll enjoy my sparkling water with a splash of lime and lemon. I still hang out with friends who smoke, although from a slight distance as the smell has become unappealing to me. 

 

The Cause of Addiction

All addiction stems from general unhappiness and unfulfillment in our lives. We then turn to a substance or behavior to try to fill this spiritual hole in our hearts. But nothing will fill this hole because the answer doesn’t lie outside of ourselves. We must turn inward and heal ourselves, fill that hole with love and gratitude, peace, and presence. Using meditation to quit drinking and smoking let us heal from within.

 

How Meditation Can Cure Addiction

Meditation retrains the mind and body to relax and become peaceful. This age-old technique, which is being proven to be effective at treating addiction in dozens of scientific peer-reviewed studies, is the most powerful tool we have to raise our consciousness, heal the body, and clear the mind.

While drugs and alcohol take us to a place below the mind, meditation elevates us beyond the mind. Our highest intelligence, consciousness, and awareness become activated.

We expand our consciousness and our unconscious habitual thinking becomes diminished. We become more mindful of our actions and we stop doing the things that create needless suffering and misery in our lives. 

 Quit Drinking and Smoking with Meditation

Meditation is easy, effective, and it is the only method for getting to the root of the problem. All problems stem from a spiritual problem (when I use the word “spiritual” here, what I really mean is a person’s psychological well being), and meditation can give each of us the wisdom, the insights, the bliss, and tranquility to make the best decisions for ourselves and others. 

 

To Get Started Using Meditation to Quit Drinking and Smoking…

If you’re struggling with any kind of addiction or know someone who is, here are some great resources for getting started on your path to recovery.

This Guide for Beginners makes learning meditation easy and simple. Quitting alcohol and drinking is much easier with meditation.

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Have Anxiety and Fear, What to Do to Feel Calm?

Let’s face it, fear and anxiety levels are higher than they’ve ever been for most people around the world since the COVID’19. We were all brought down to the knees owing to the pandemic. But since we can’t control many aspects of our lives, and we can’t run away from our worries, the best thing to do is transform the way we perceive these constant threats, face and overcome our fears head-on.

Luckily, crises make the best opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. As the myriad of things that fill up our usually hectic lives are whittled away, let’s make the best of our time to build ourselves back better. 

Here, I’ll talk about a few simple and practical steps we can all take to alleviate our anxieties, feel better and be happier.

 

Tip 1) Breathe to Relieve

Do you know how they say take a few deep breaths when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed? Well, that will certainly make you feel less stressed and overwhelmed. 

But, if you want to start feeling amazing, try taking deep breaths for 20 or 30 minutes. This is a powerful meditation for calming your nerves and quieting your mind. Just sit in a quiet place, set a timer, or check the clock before you begin, and focus on the feeling of your breath coming in and out. 

During the pandemic era, a lot of us suffered from panic owning to the covid anxiety but with meditation, you are told to focus on your breath, and the anxiety starts to dissipate.

Everything we do and how we feel starts with our breath. It’s the most important function of our body. We can go for days without sleep, food, and water, but only a few minutes without breathing. 

 

Tip 2) When In Doubt, Breathe In Breathe Out 

Most people though, especially when we’re stressed or anxious or afraid, breathe in a way that can cause chronic pain, injury, poor organ function, and respiratory problems. Negative thoughts and emotions cause us to hold our breath unconsciously or take short shallow breaths. This leads to our muscles, joints, lungs, and organs being deprived of oxygen-rich blood cells.

There’s a reason we take a big sigh when we’re stressed. Sighs are designed to relieve our stress. So go ahead, sigh more often. Sigh all the time. Let it out. We may not even be aware of the stress and anxiety we’re feeling because we are so consumed in our thoughts, so the more the merrier. 

Most of our autonomic nervous system (the functions of the body that happen automatically), like our heart rate and digestion, happen automatically and are out of our control. But breathing is a unique function that is both automatic and that we can control. This is why breathing is the doorway to our spiritual well-being. 

In stress, our breath becomes choppy and shallow. When we’re calm and relaxed, it becomes smooth and deep, ut, it is in these times of stress that we can turn our focus to our breath, make it smooth and controlled, and before you know it, your body and mind will become relaxed as well.

 

Tip 3) Stretch and Move to the Groove

Anxiety leads to oxygen-deprived muscles and joints, which leads to pulled muscles, painful joints, and muscular issues like back and neck pain. 

Luckily, there are a million fun and relaxing ways to get moving and feel amazing from home. Whether it’s yoga or just a few stretches like touching your toes that make your body feel great, do it! Do it a lot. 

As we get older, our body becomes more and more immobile. Daily yoga and stretching will keep your body flexible and nimble well into old age. 

So many of physical problems stem from a psychological cause. Luckily, it works in reverse too. Start getting physically healthy and our brain starts producing more of the happiness chemicals in our brain (dopamine, endorphins, serotonin, etc…).

 

Tip 4) Eat Good Food for a Good Mood

Unfortunately, everything they said about food is true. You are what you eat. Let food be thy medicine. Treat your body like a temple. You can pay the farmer—or pay the doctor. 

 

Tip 5) Connect and Reflect

Science has shown that social bonds promote healing and happiness. Reach out to people you can connect with and talk about what you’re going through. Chances are, they can relate. This can be done with your friends, family, religious organization.

It’s been proven that strong social bonds are directly related to health and longevity. 

 

Tip 6) Be Kind, Unwind

As Rudyard Kipling wrote, “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs… yours is the earth and everything that’s in it.” Those words have probably never been more relevant. 

Be kind to yourself and others. Nobody’s perfect and we shouldn’t expect perfection. With meditation, you can curb down your anxiety and move towards a calmer overall perspective. 

Moreover, turn off the news and social media from time to time. When worries and doubts come into your mind, bring your mind back to your breath. 

You can do this! Things will get better. This too shall pass. You’ve made it this far! Way to go.

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Feel Immense Hatred Towards Certain People, What to do?

Fighting Hatred with Love

The Dalai Lama is a man who saw his own country violently conquered. It would be all too easy to become bitter. But instead, he forgives and loves. He puts all of our measly everyday squabbles to shame. If he can find compassion for his invaders, we too can find it for our rude coworkers, family feuds, and former friends.

No matter the question, love is always the answer. Forgiveness is freeing. You can find the video “loving kindness meditation” on my YouTube. This meditation will help you in filling your heart with more love and less hatred. More on why suffering lies where there is hatred in my book, The Way Out Of Suffering.

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Employees Need Meditation, Not Just Happy Hours

These days, employees are thinking not just about ways to let off steam. They’re thinking about ways to let go of their stress that won’t leave them hungover, tired, groggy and unhealthy. That’s why more and more employees are looking for healthy ways to improve their lives, not just their nights. And it’s why employees need meditation more than company happy hours.

 

The Benefits of Corporate Meditation for Employees

When we let off stress in healthy ways, such as meditation, we are actually able to focus better. It increases productivity and creativity. This makes work easier, which ends up making us less stressed about work in the first place.

When companies start meditation programs, employees’ lives can improve dramatically in every aspect. From better relationships to more gratitude, peace, and joy. And as we all know, happy workers are better workers.

 

The Benefits of Corporate Meditation for Companies

Corporate meditation is a win-win for businesses and workers alike. Yes, productivity goes up and turnover rates go down. But that’s just the start.

It’s been proven that costly mistakes go down, people work together better, and fewer HR incidents occur. This is because when people are more mindful, they are more conscientious of their actions and their words. This is more important today than ever before.

 

The Problem with Company Happy Hours

While some companies are looking for ways to entice workers back into the office, happy hour and free drinks is often their first go-to idea. The problem is, the happiness from happy hours doesn’t last beyond the hour.

The next morning and day can be grueling. Some people can do regretful things during happy hour. And some people who don’t drink can feel left out and isolated. Everyone, however, can meditate.

When drinking occurs the night before, this actually leads to less productivity and more costly mistakes. Absenteeism goes up and it encourages a sense of work being a stressful place worth escaping from through vice, rather than incorporating as part of a life well lived.

 

Why Companies’ Real Happy Hour is an Employee Meditation Class

Bringing a skilled meditation teacher into your company creates the same kinds of employee bonding as happy hour, but on a much deeper level. From introverts to extroverts, from drinkers to non-drinkers, everyone can bond over this beautiful practice that can improve everyone’s lives.

No matter anyone’s religious views, cultural or racial backgrounds, the practice of meditation can increase the inner joy and peace of every employee so that everything else they do, whether it’s work, family or fun, becomes improved as well.

When companies start corporate meditation programs, employees become excited to go to work. They become eternally grateful that their company cares about their well-being, not just their liquor consumption.

In the days since the pandemic began, workers have taken a closer look at their lives. They don’t want to just feel good now. They want to build a life they can feel good about. Meditation helps them do just that and it’s why employees will always need meditation more than companies’ happy hours.

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Shall We Express Our Anger Instead of Suppressing it?

Q: Dear Todd, I think one must express their anger instead of suppressing it. Because suppressed anger leads to hatred which in turn leads to resentment and sorrow. And finally depression. Any thoughts?

TODD ANSWERS: Repressed emotions are one of the greatest, if not the greatest, cause of physical pain and illness in our society. For example, over 90% of all doctor visits are stress related. This is because we are not releasing our stress in healthy ways.

Nothing in mindfulness should be simply “look the other way,” “stuff down your emotions,” or “pretend like it’s not there.” Mindfulness is truly about becoming aware of our thoughts and emotions, giving ourselves the time to process them, inspect them, and heal from them.

Letting go and bringing mindfulness to our emotions may look like suppression, but in reality, they are about overcoming the fear of these dark places, going into them head-on, and discovering for yourself that they don’t serve you, that you don’t need those negative emotions, and when you are ready to move on, you let them go gently and without any anger or judgment.

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Eliminating Stress Seems Like an Unachievable Goal

Q: Dear Todd, how can we eliminate stress when it feels like too high of a bar for us to achieve?

TODD ANSWERS: Just like how our emotions can be dictated by chemicals in our brain, anxiety may also still arise. However, I think really the goal of mindfulness is to be aware of these changes in our body and moods, to be aware of our thoughts/worries/anxieties.

Once we are aware of it, we won’t get caught up in it and it won’t overpower us. So it’s more about bringing mindfulness to whatever is going on inside us, and in doing so, we can observe it rather than be consumed by it.

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What to Do if You Feel Stuck in Life?

We can all reach a point where we just need to take a step back to recharge, recenter ourselves, and reflect in order to move forward. We’re not machines. In order to avoid burnout, we have to take care of ourselves first and foremost. That means listening to our bodies, minds and spirit.

We all know that feeling where we push ourselves too hard and we just stare at our computer but we’re not getting anything done. Or, that feeling when we feel like we’re just spinning our wheels but we’re not going anywhere.

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How to Manage Severe Anxiety to Live a Peaceful Life

Q: Dear Todd, I suffer from severe anxiety. I meditate regularly and I can relax and get into some deep states but when I finish up, I just go back to that state of hypervigilance. Have you got any advice?

TODD ANSWERS: So often our anxiety gives us anxiety. The best thing we can do besides practicing meditation is to turn our anxiety into curiosity, really examining it when it starts to occur and instead of resisting it being curious about it.

This way we don’t only turn our anxiety into curiosity, but we also develop a greater understanding of it and we can see it start to happen and we can respond by either meditating or doing something that relaxes us.

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