Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 28

How Can We Make People Have Conversations Without ‘em Staring at Phones

Q: Dear Todd, either it is the generation, or something else, but I feel, people are too attached to stuff – money, sex, food, Netflix, cellphones, etc. Have you seen that movie “ripped” when they fly from the 80s to today and they go to a mall and everyone is with their cells, and they think they’re in a math convention cos everyone has a “calculator”, it is what’s happening these days, I mean, I can’t have dinner with friends cos all are checking Snapchat and stuff? So, how can we return to really TALK to people and make ’em talk back?

TODD ANSWERS: You are not wrong. That is happening everywhere. In terms of what we can do, there’s an internal response and an external response. Externally, we can see if our friends would agree to leave the phones in the car (or turn them off or leave them at home, etc…). We can raise our kids to have very little screen time. We can talk about it with other parents or friends, relatives or the city council. We can start a nonprofit dedicated to reigniting human-to-human contact. We can find people online to meet up in person without tech. We can go on camping trips far from cell phone service (if we’re skilled at such outdoorsy things). And so on.

Or, we could do nothing. We can accept everyone as they are. We can sit patiently while other people use their phone, keeping ours in our pocket or purse, setting a good example. Or some combination of all these things. It’s really up to us in each moment how much we feel we can be supportive of others vs supportive of our own needs.

Internally, I’d say we can let go of our expectations for a bygone world. Let’s love people even as they miss out on the beauty all around them. Let’s be patient with them as they slowly realize the pixels aren’t as good as the real thing. Let’s embrace the fact that this world is changing. And let’s keep our attention on the one place we truly can control, ourselves.

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Path to Peace How to Leave Your Past in the Past

To be alive is to be on a lifelong mission of learning. That means that we will have regrets, mistakes, failures, setbacks and difficult challenges in our lives. While we think our past determines our present, it’s actually how we relate to our past that matters.

In today’s podcast, I talk about how we can change our relationship with a difficult past. I share ways we can reframe our pain, reframe the present moment, and rediscover the beauty that is all around us so that being present becomes natural and effortless.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter is proud to be supported by the nonprofit, Village Direct. Empowering women and indigenous communities by bringing spiritual, sustainable fashion to the world. Get your responsibly sourced, handmade clothing and accessories, and support a great cause, at http://www.villagedirect.org

Like what I do and want to SUPPORT what I am doing?
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ToddPerel
Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/toddperel

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey : https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Click here.

The post Path to Peace How to Leave Your Past in the Past appeared first on EastWesticism.

Why haven’t I found peace yet?

Q: Dear Todd, I’m 49 and have not found peace yet. I have all the time in the world to meditate, eat healthy and exercise but it is hard to take the first step. Hoping I will get on the path of enlightenment and will start moving instead of being lazy and wishing for it. Any thoughts?

TODD ANSWERS: Try not to carry all your ambitions and goals on your shoulders right now. Just focus on the first step and one step at a time. For me, that first step was meditation. That gave me the discipline, and clarity to achieve everything else.

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How Can I Find Myself Through Spirituality?

Q: Dear Todd, I have found little help for my anxiety which stems from lacking a social circle or even friends. Have been Struggling through this for years. I feel envious of people (most people) who so naturally build relationships. I am 39, have a family and am a qualified medical professional, yet struggle to find connection with people. I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember. Can I find myself through spirituality?

TODD ANSWERS: We are social creatures. It’s an evolutionary advantage to live in close communities that look out for each other. Relationships nourish us and provide tremendous meaning in our lives. There’s really no substitute for them.

But, some people are natural loners, some people choose to be alone, and others find solitude forced upon them. There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to whether we live as a hermit meditating in a cave (assuming we have no other responsibilities) or as a social butterfly in the big city.

For whatever reason we may find ourselves alone, if it stirs up painful feelings, or if we find it frustratingly difficult to connect with people, spirituality can help us make peace with those realities. It can give us strength to keep trying, to stay positive, and live the kind of joyful and fun life that other people will naturally gravitate towards.

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How Do You Explain Happiness to Someone Who Has Lost Job?

Q: Dear Todd, how do I explain happiness to someone who lost his job and was then evicted for not paying the rent? On top of it all, has a serious illness in his ankles. I am so overwhelmed with his pain and trying to help him as much as I can.

TODD ANSWERS: I really understand. Often it’s harder to see someone else’s suffering than it is to go through our own suffering. But suffering, or the lack of suffering, is truly not dependent on our situation.

Two strangers on opposite sides of the world could both lose their left foot in a tractor accident. One might become bitter, but the other might be grateful he still has one foot.

The good news is, that bitter gentleman has the ability to become grateful, to let that accident change his life for the better, and to cherish every single moment he has left. It just takes intention and some practice.

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How is Bird Watching Different From a Guided Meditation?

Q: Dear Todd, I am sitting in front of my window watching the birds at my bird feeders. I was wondering what your thoughts are about this morning activity which I do every morning over coffee. How different is this compared to a structured guided meditation? I think they’re both very similar in that they keep you in the present. It’s a very calming thing for me. Yes, my mind wanders but I’m always brought back to the present by the birds. Thoughts?

TODD ANSWERS: That sounds like a perfect meditation. The only real difference is focusing on the bird and focusing on our breath is that breath is always with us, and it’s subtler. This subtlety expands our awareness and develops our concentration. There is also a podcast that I recorded on the same topic some time ago, please check that out as well

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Path to Peace Stop Thinking You Are Unloveable and Don’t Deserve Happiness

Is it possible to show love and forgiveness to those who have committed the most hateful and unforgivable sins? We’ve seen it time and time again, when the pope washes the feet of criminals. When victims forgive their perpetrators. And when brutal war gives way to peace. If all of these people deserve a chance at happiness, surely we do too.

In my latest podcast, I talk about the real reason we feel unworthy of happiness. I talk about the symptoms that arise from low self-worth, and I talk about how we can get to the root cause of this happiness-block so that we can finally start living the life we truly deserve.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter is proud to be supported by the nonprofit, Village Direct. Empowering women and indigenous communities by bringing spiritual, sustainable fashion to the world. Get your responsibly sourced, handmade clothing and accessories, and support a great cause, at http://www.villagedirect.org

Like what I do and want to SUPPORT what I am doing?
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ToddPerel
Buy Me a Coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/toddperel

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey : https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Click here.

The post Path to Peace Stop Thinking You Are Unloveable and Don’t Deserve Happiness appeared first on EastWesticism.

Is everyone else’s “good news” starting to crush you?

Isn’t life a funny thing? We’re all striving, working hard in business and on ourselves. We’re all on a journey to succeed and grow. And yet, so many of us are ashamed of where we are right now on our journey. We’re jealous of other people who insecurely show off. We’re all growing, and yet we’re all embarrassed about it.

The fact is, wherever we are on our path in life, we will never be enough if material goals alone are what drive us. Someone else will always have more. We could always have more. Without spiritual goals, like gratitude and presence, we can’t appreciate what we have or see the beauty that is all around us. (If you’re stressed, here is a video for you.)

We live in a time where there are entire stores that only sell products specifically because they will look great in social media posts. People are living their whole life for other people’s approval and jealousy. If we’re not careful, we may end up living our life for a thousand other people, but forget the one person who truly matters.

As we start the year off right with the 10,000 Mental Steps Challenge, remember that the key to winning in 2024 is to remember that being on a journey of growth IS success, no matter where you started or where you are. You know your battles. You know how far you’ve come and how much you’ve overcome. If this year you are the most you you’ve ever been, if you follow your heart and consciously create a life in alignment with what matters most to you, you win 2024. Life isn’t a competition with anyone else. In this podcast, I talk more on how to stop unnecessary thinking.

This holiday week especially, let’s practice recognizing that fearful, jealous ego when it pops up. Let’s be grateful for our awareness of those fearful and jealous emotions. Then let’s turn our attention to the root of those emotions: our insecurity, and let’s practice gratitude for our awareness of our insecurities because awareness is the first step towards growth and change. 

By turning the shame about our (mis)perceived flaws into gratitude, we can heal our negative self-image, we can be happy for others and ourself, we can bring about positive change from a place of strength and acceptance, and we can be happy knowing that we’re living the life that was meant for us.

Much love,

Todd

PS – Can there be peace if we are chasing after peace? Can there be peace if we want it so badly that it drives us mad? I answer these questions in this video.

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I’ve Found the Secret of This Life

For the better part of nine years, I lived in monasteries, ashrams, tribes and forests. I even spent months in silent meditation retreats. During all this time, I was trying to figure out who had the best methods and teachings. 

Some retreats were very strict, where we’d meditate in tiny prison-like cells for 14 hours a day. 3am wakeup times, total silence, and nothing but meditating and eating two meals. 

Some places were very lax, and even though they were silent, everyone was talking all the time. They’d have only a couple hours of meditation each day, and at one retreat even that was optional.

Then, I went to a beautiful tropical island off the coast of Thailand where I found the key to my whole life that I’d been missing. I found what I call, the middle path monastery. It was in paradise, but it was bare bones (I’m talking sleeping on a wooden bed with a wooden pillow). It was strict, but not too strict. It was 8 hours of meditation but pleasantly divided into walking and sitting meditation. We were all respectfully silent, but would whisper to pass the salt if need be. It was the first place that was pleasant but also incredibly transformative and life-changing.

This middle path had eluded me my whole life, but since I discovered it, there is not one aspect of life that I have found it doesn’t work. We humans like everything to fit into a binary of yes or no, good or bad, right or wrong, on or off. We want to categorize the world so that it makes sense, but that leads us to extreme behavior such as addiction, narcissism, and aggression.

I used to have a very addictive personality and was called the “most extreme person” my former coworker had ever met. I was always losing weight or gaining weight, eating perfectly or eating terribly. I was either drinking too much or not at all. The moderate middle path to me was a myth, maybe for other people but not an option for me.

All that changed during my journey. Now food comes with no bad feelings. My wants are in alignment with my intentions. Moderation has been the greatest freedom I’ve ever experienced. I see all sides of arguments because my ego has gotten out of the way, and I no longer feel the need to identify with a side or position. And we can all do this.

Humans are like guitar strings. If we’re too loose, we won’t make beautiful music. If we’re too tight, we’ll snap. 

This week, let’s all practice walking that middle path. Whether it’s dealing with work, family or our habits, ask yourself what a middle path would like like? For example, we don’t want to be neglectful parents, but we also don’t want to be smothering and overprotective. We want to work hard at our job, but we also don’t want to burn out. (More on how to achieve mindful success in my latest podcast.) We want to be there for others, but we need to take care of ourselves as well. The answer seems to always lie in the middle. Play, explore and experiment as you find your way. When we feel centered, grounded and at peace, we’ll know we’re on the right path.

Much love,
Todd

PS – Whether it’s a breakup, divorce, rejection, passive aggressive avoidance, family separation, a neglectful family member, an absent parent, a disloyal friend, or even being fired from or turned down for a job, abandonment trauma is a near universal experience that we will all go through at times in our life. If you are going through that right now, here is a video for you.

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You Will Never Be Disappointed Again

A few years ago I moved to a new neighborhood in New York. I didn’t know anyone in the area, but I was excited to explore and make new friends. One day on a walk, I ran into a dear old friend who I used to be very close with and found out he was practically my next door neighbor! We made plans to have dinner later that week and I was very excited to have a friend so close that we could hang out all the time.

A couple days later when I messaged him to share my exact address, I also told him that he was welcome to come over anytime and he could even use my building’s pool, gym and sauna. 

Then, silence. I got ghosted.

What happened between being great friends and being ghosted? This is the kind of thought that used to drive me crazy for days or weeks, but this time was different. What used to send me on a downward spiral of self-doubt and anger, was replaced with compassion and understanding. Did I make him jealous by mentioning the pool? Is he struggling financially? Has he recently lost someone? Is he having relationship problems? Is he struggling with social anxiety or depression, which I knew he had a history of?

One of the greatest benefits I’ve experienced from my spiritual practices is my ability to clearly see my situations, to unemotionally be aware of what I know and don’t know, to be at peace with the unknown, and to consistently view and address my own tendencies for attachment and craving that disrupt my inner peace.

When I am clinging to what was, I know I need to let go. When my mind becomes consumed with anger, I know I need to practice compassion. When stress and frustration start to arise, I know there is something I am resisting. The more I practice, the more consistently I am present, and the quicker I can catch myself starting to go down the path of egoic thinking.

Feeling let down or disappointed is not a sign that other people are “bad.” It’s a sign that we are fighting against reality. People are people. If we expect them to be angels, we’ll be disappointed. When we truly understand human nature, we will never be surprised. Instead of demanding reality to be different, let’s keep our eyes open to what it’s trying to teach us. (More on how we can better deal with people who push our buttons, and how we can prevent our buttons from getting pushed, in my latest podcast.)

This week, let’s explore some of our own contentious relationships. Are there people we no longer speak to and yet they still occupy space in our mind? Is there any grudge we can take off our shoulders? Can we spend a few minutes feeling love toward someone who hurt us, even if we choose to move on in our lives without them? We either accumulate conflicts in our lives and become bitter, or we set them down and become free.

Humans are the most adaptable species on Earth. No matter what blows life has dealt you, no matter what you’ve been through, no matter what habits you’ve picked up, change is in your DNA. In my latest YouTube video, I share the most effective, profound, and also simplest ways to change your life, live your dreams, and love this moment.

Much love,
Todd

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