Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 27

Is Accepting Things as They Are Counter Productive to Improving?

Q: Dear Todd, Isn’t the point of a spiritual path to improve? Wouldn’t accepting things as they are and not being perfect be counter productive to improving? If you have a goal of improvement, not even being perfect and you fail and just accept that you failed, wouldn’t you just stagnate? You’re all perfect and you could all use improvement. You have to be uncomfortable to drive change and improvement it seems. So just accepting things, letting go, and being happy wouldn’t develope you at all I would think

TODD ANSWERS: Spirituality is not about inaction. It’s about stillness within, wise action outwardly. A lot of research shows that not accepting, resisting, and putting needless pressure on ourselves to change causes anxiety, fear, mistakes, and is not the best form of motivation nor is it sustainable. There can be lasting change and progress through acceptance, and we won’t have to waste precious energy criticizing ourselves or our circumstances.

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Path to Peace Hopeless That the Future I Dreamed of Will Never Arrive

Our lives — like all things — exist in cycles. Some years we are growing, and some years we are enjoying. Some years are for sowing, and some are for reaping. But sometimes, it can feel like we are trapped in an unending cycle, repeating the same patterns and choices over and over and over and over again. 

When these trying times go on for decades, we can easily begin to feel stuck, scared, alone and hopeless. But there is always hope. There is always a way to accept this moment in our journey, to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep climbing that mountain.

So how can we break free from our past? How can we make peace with our lives? And how can we build the future we were born to live? I cover these topics and more in today's podcast.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey : https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter is proud to be supported by the nonprofit, Village Direct dedicated to bringing isolated villages' expert artistry directly to you.

The post Path to Peace Hopeless That the Future I Dreamed of Will Never Arrive appeared first on EastWesticism.

Will Forgiving the Other Person Make Me a Punching Bag?

Q: Dear Todd, someone who has tried to get me to commit suicide multiple times doesn’t deserve me to show them love. If I let it go and forgive, in their mind, wouldn’t that just justify hurting me?

Q: Do we continue being our good selves, smiling, doing good deeds for other people, loving them, even if they treat us like something they have stepped in? After many years of trying, do we reach a point where we call it a day and just walk away?

Q: How to forgive when someone continues to hurt you, emotionally, over and over? It almost feels like I am a punching bag who will keep going back for more, and who keeps allowing abuse. When is it enough?

Q: Does this mentality of forgiving others not cause us to judge our anger as something we must get rid of? And wouldn’t it make me a doormat? Because I do understand that what someone does is not personal, but would that mean I would never speak up if someone does something that is toxic? Like passive-aggressive mean comments, backhanded compliments, or just in general rude comments. They all have a reason for doing it, but would that be a reason to keep silent and not rock the boat by standing up for ourselves?

TODD ANSWERS: I receive a lot of questions that contain a few common misperceptions about spirituality. For example, people will ask, “Does spirituality mean just being passive? Am I supposed to be grateful for abuse and love my abuser?”

Spirituality is not passive or weak. It is not naive or rose-colored glasses. Quite the opposite. It is the skill of seeing reality soberly, exactly as it is, so that we can respond with wise action.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you go live with your abuser. It means that you no longer let your abuser live inside of you.

Love and forgiveness can even look like setting healthy boundaries, because often that is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves and others. We can’t always control others, but we can maintain our inner peace, and sometimes that means doing so from a safe distance.

One way we can learn to love everyone is to think of people like art. I deeply love all art because it comes from a place of wishing to make the world a more beautiful place. However, I can’t hang every piece of art in my house, so I have to be a little choosier. We can love and forgive everyone, but we don’t have to invite them into our home or give away our precious time.

Q: Dear Todd, I feel like forgiving mentally is so easy, but emotionally, that’s where the real work is! What can we do to make it easier even in the other case?
TODD ANSWERS: That is 100% true. But, forgiveness is like a muscle that we can strengthen and nurture. The more we practice it, the more we do loving-kindness meditation, and the easier it gets.

Q: Dear Todd, can love, compassion, and forgiveness always be the answer?
TODD ANSWERS: Sometimes setting healthy boundaries is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves and others. We can’t control everyone, we can only maintain our inner peace and sometimes that means from a safe distance.

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I’m Drowning and Can’t Seem to Get Through. Please Help

Q: Dear Todd, After years of struggling I have come a very long way. But as of late, I’m just drowning and can’t seem to once and for all, get through to where I want to be. Please help.

TODD ANSWERS: I just want you to know that you are strong and whole and will get through this. Remember, whenever you feel like you are drowning, just breathe. You can do this.

Give yourself permission to take a few minutes every day to just breathe. Observe your breath. That is it. Don’t try to solve or fix anything at this time. Just practice being. Give your body and mind the space it needs to recenter.

Every single conscious breath you take is an opportunity to get out of your head, to tune out everything else, and only your breath remains. Notice your breath’s calming presence, like the ocean coming in and going out. It is always there with you whenever you need it.

There is peace and stillness that lie between thoughts and worries. The more spaces you create simply by focusing on your breath, the more frequent and longer those spaces will become, and the more peace and joy can fill up your life.

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When We Feel Fear is That Ego? Or Unhealed Part of Ourselves?

Q: Dear Todd, so when we feel fear or experience suffering is that always the ego? Or is it an unhealed part of ourselves? Or both?

TODD ANSWERS: Both and neither. These feelings of fear are merely evolutionary traits we have developed to stay far away from tigers and the edges of cliffs.

Suffering is what tells us not to put our hands in the fire. But today, it is the news that stokes our fears. It is social media that tells us to suffer because we are not on a yacht right now. There can even be traumatic experiences that we must heal from in order to recenter ourselves and find peace.

But while all these external situations may cause fear and suffering, they still only exist in the mind. So freedom from suffering and fear lies ultimately in freedom from our ego. By becoming perpetually aware of this fact we can rise above the grips of our ego.

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Path to Peace How to Be at Peace If Life Is Unfair

I know it, and you know it. Terrible things happen to wonderful people and wonderful things happen to people who've done tremendous harm.  If even a great man like Gandhi was assassinated, what chance do the rest of us have at a peaceful and good life?!

So how can we understand the seeming unfairness in our world? How should we exist in, and respond to, an unfair world? Should we try to live rightly, or just look out for ourselves? What's even the point of this crazy, random, nonsensical world?

In today's podcast, I answer these questions and more. I talk about what a good life can truly be. I share a model for seeing the world that makes sense of the senseless. And I remind us that no matter what a life looks like on the outside, it's always what is on the inside that counts.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey : https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter is proud to be supported by the nonprofit, Village Direct dedicated to bringing isolated villages' expert artistry directly to you.

The post Path to Peace How to Be at Peace If Life Is Unfair appeared first on EastWesticism.

How Did You Come Back to the Normal Life After Your Long Traveling?

Q: Dear Todd, how did you manage to come back to the city and “normal” life after your extended traveling time?

TODD ANSWERS: I would love to say some big wise thing like, “I recognized that all things must change.” While that is true, honestly after nine years of being in so many places and living out of a tiny suitcase, living in hostels and homestays, and constantly a wanderer, I was ready to settle down for a little bit. I never thought that’d be the case, but sometimes you have to see the whole world to realize what really matters most is enjoying some nature with friends and family, wherever that may be.

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Can spirituality and desire to make more money go together?

Q: Dear Todd, can spirituality and desire to make more money go together?

TODD ANSWERS: There is nothing wrong with wealth in and of itself. It’s only when we put profits above people, when attachment to wealth creates suffering, and when fear of loss disturbs our inner peace that wealth and the pursuit of wealth become problematic.

We all want a comfortable life and people should be rewarded for their efforts. It’s only when we think wealth and its pursuit are the only things that matter that immense personal and societal suffering takes place. We all need to make a living. The question is, at what cost?

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I Lost My Soulmate. How Do I Let Go of My Love For Him?

Q: Dear Todd, I lost my soulmate. I don’t like the word soul but soulmate is the only word to describe how close we were. I know he is gone and am trying to let go. His clothes remain where he left them. I have to let go or the grief will kill me. But how do you let go of love? Is it even possible because it is the only thing that hasn’t changed? My love for him is part of me.

TODD ANSWERS: Never let go of love. He won’t either. But he also wants you to live. That’s our responsibility to them. Your love is not in the clothes. It will hurt after they’re gone, but only the fabric will be gone. You don’t have to worry about losing the love.

I don’t know what you’re going through, but I know it must be the worst thing imaginable. I wish for you that you’re able to channel your deep love for him into your life. Keep him with you; make him proud. Have faith. I have seen time and time again that the strength we gain from our loved ones is more than enough to sustain us through their loss.

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What do you mean by “sitting with whatever comes up”?

Q: Dear Todd, when it comes to “sitting with whatever comes up”, could you please elaborate on what that would look like? I want to make sure I understand it so I don’t possibly create an unnecessary experience.

TODD ANSWERS: Normally, when uncomfortable feelings come up, we take out our phones, turn on the TV, dive into our work, grab a drink or bite, or anything else to lift us up and take our minds off. Instead, just witness the sensation, thoughts and emotions for a few minutes, exploring with neutral curiosity until you realize that the emotions are not too scary to face or so unbearable that we must escape

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