Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 26

Pet Loss: How to Let Go of Guilt

Losing a beloved pet is a profound and emotional experience, and it’s entirely normal to feel a range of emotions, including grief and guilt. The bond between a pet and its owner is a unique and profound connection, often transcending the boundaries of words. When a beloved pet passes away, the resulting grief can be overwhelming, compounded by the often-persistent presence of guilt.

It’s important to recognize that animals, much like humans, can be incredibly adept at hiding signs of illness or discomfort. Cats, in particular, are known for their stoic nature, making it challenging for owners to detect subtle changes in their health.

The first step in coping with guilt is understanding its origins. Guilt often emerges from questioning whether more could have been done, if signs were missed, or if the pet’s suffering went unnoticed. It’s crucial to recognize that guilt is a common facet of grief and is not an indicator of inadequate care or love.

 

Q: Dear Todd, my cat passed away the other day due to hydrops. It’s hard for me to forgive myself for never noticing that he was different, and how long his weak heart was suffering. It would have been better if I had noticed it earlier, it was really hard to let go.

TODD ANSWERS: My heart goes out to you. I have been in a very similar situation and I will tell you, this was not anyone’s fault. We are not trained veterinarians and there was no lack of love or concern. I know that doesn’t make it any easier and this is one of the hardest things in the world. I just hope you know that your angel doesn’t want you to feel anything but love.

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What Does It Say About Me When I See Cruelty in the World

The idea that everything outside of oneself is a projection can be a complex concept to grapple with, especially when faced with the harsh realities of crime, suffering, and cruelty in the world. It’s essential to approach this perspective with nuance and recognize the interplay of various factors.

Q: Dear Todd, if everything outside of me is a projection of myself, then what does it mean when I see the crime and the suffering and the cruelty in the world? And if people are a product of their environment….am I looking at the product of an environment or am I looking at myself? I love myself, I’m confident, I love and respect nature and all life and I meet loving people and I meet hateful people. I see people who love and respect life and I see those who don’t! All of this about projecting your inner self out into the world causes people to think that something is wrong with them. Don’t you think so?

TODD ANSWERS: Two things:

1) it’s not whether you see cruelty or not, it’s whether you label it as bad and suffer because of it. We can work to change things without labeling them as bad.

2) what we choose to focus on is a reflection of our internal state. So, if we choose to always see the positive, we will always see the positive and there is a positive to everything

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How to Meditate Without a Motive

Q: Dear Todd, how to meditate without a motive
TODD ANSWERS: Meditation doesn’t need to come with any motive or goal in mind. We may be driven to learn and practice meditation to quit an addiction or to become happier or more focused. But even if it’s just curiosity, that’s a motivation. Something inside you made you wonder if there was more to life, if a greater level of happiness was possible, and if there was a deeper way to experience life.

Somewhere along the way, the idea got into your mind that there could be some use or benefit to better understanding your own mind. Whatever it was that sparked an interest in meditation in you, it was because you were not finding lasting happiness outside of yourself, and the idea of looking inside of yourself resonated with you on a very deep and unconscious level. We’re all called back to ourselves to find that true source of joy. Even our wild chimp cousins take a daily break from swinging to sit in stillness, peace and quiet.

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Path to Peace Stop Torturing Yourself with Your Thoughts

Why do we suffer a tragic event long after it's over? Why are our joyous celebrations so short-lived?  And why do minor inconveniences and annoyances have the power to ruin our whole day? It's all because of the conditioned voice in our head.

For most of us, that voice is the unconscious, unintentional result of our upbringing and  experiences in life. But, we all have the ability to recondition our mind. We are all able to change that voice to become more joyous, more loving, more grateful and more peaceful.  We are even able to break free from the conditioned mind altogether and experience the deepest peace possible. In today's podcast , I share three ways we can do exactly that.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey : https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter is proud to be supported by the nonprofit, Village Direct dedicated to bringing isolated villages' expert artistry directly to you.

The post Path to Peace Stop Torturing Yourself with Your Thoughts appeared first on EastWesticism.

How to Exhaust Your Ego

Q: Dear Todd, how to exhaust your ego?
TODD ANSWERS: I gotta say, trying to exhaust the ego sounds… exhausting. I think the way to quiet the ego isn’t to battle against it, as the internal conflict will disturb our inner peace. Instead, I like to play with my ego, not work against it. If it’s behaving like an immature child, it’s still MY immature child, so I’m going to love it.

I may even lovingly ignore it while it exhausts itself, but I am not going to doing anything or let it control me. I give it no energy. I don’t feed the ego by arguing with or hating the thoughts. I don’t even try to ignore it, because that would still be letting it control me. I just notice the thoughts, let them be, and then peacefully turn my attention back to what truly matters in my life.

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Want to Let Go of Past? Use Buddhist Mandala Lesson

There was a Buddhist mandala that was hanging on the wall at the first Buddhist monastery I lived at. I was captivated by the details and craftsmanship. Really, the whole monastery had this level of detail and beauty. It was quite exquisite.

Mandalas are symbolic representations of the universe, designed to transform ordinary minds into enlightened ones. They can be an object of meditation for Buddhists to focus on, either helping them become connected with a deity or to develop wisdom.

During my time there, I thought a great deal about this artwork, and more significantly, the mandalas that are made out of sand that take days to finish and then are swept away often without even a photo taken of them.

There I was, a young guy quite new to spirituality, constantly obsessing about money and relationships, family drama and even the slightest discomforts in life. And yet these monks meticulously focus with such concentration for such long periods of time on these breathtaking artworks that could probably hang in most any museum, and then without any bother, as soon as it’s completed, they sweep the sand back into a jar and pour it into a body of water as an offering for the benefit of all beings on this planet.

This beautiful practice to understand the impermanence of all things is so profound and so beneficial. During my time here, I would meditate on this mandala and it greatly helped me let go of my obsessions and inability to let go of the past or expectations of the future.

But the real magic would happen a few months later when I left this monastery and flew to Thailand. My camera was stolen on my first day there in the hostel. I wasn’t so upset about the camera, but it was all the photos on the SD card that I really cared about. Until I remembered this mandala (which thankfully I had taken a photo of on my phone as well ).

If you ever find yourself obsessing over the same old thing, remember this mandala.

 

Q & A With Todd

Q: Dear Todd, What happens when your present is constantly trying to make you focus on your past? What do you do when people know all about your past and wield it as a weapon against you?

TODD ANSWERS: We can’t change other people. So what is in our control is how we respond both internally and externally. Internally we try to reach a stage of calm clarity and understanding that other people are treating us based on a false image that they have in their heads. Externally that can mean distancing or making peace with it.

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How to Avoid the Social Media Heartbreak Loop After a Breakup

Breakups are emotionally challenging, and in today’s digital age, the omnipresence of social media can complicate the healing process. The constant stream of updates, photos, and status changes can create a heartbreak loop, impeding the journey toward emotional recovery.

 

Q: Dear Todd, how to not check my ex’s social media and break my heart over and over again?
TODD ANSWERS: These phones of ours really make enjoying life difficult. Even though we know so clearly and strongly that the phone drives us crazy, we are a slave to the impulse of pulling it out and checking an app we just checked two minutes ago!

Step 1) So my first bit of advice is to keep the phone in another room or as far from you as you possibly can. Oftentimes, just the few extra seconds it takes to get up and go get the phone is enough to catch ourselves from doing something we’ll regret. What happens is we end up checking the phone about 1/10th of the time, and that it is priceless for our mental health.

Step 2, block them and take a social media fast if you need to. When you come back to the phone, try to stay mindful of the fact that we’re all just smart monkeys looking at a little piece of glass, and nothing on the glass is so important that we need to get worked up over it. Real life is usually very peaceful, so the more we engage with our physical spaces or just reflect, the happier we get.

Observe your compulsion to check the stock prices (maybe cutting back or maybe taking a break would be positive), remember the big picture (daily market changes won’t seem so important in the grand scheme of things), and do what’s best for you and then put your worries aside and put your trust in the universe. That’s all any of us can do.

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How to Stop Seeing Yourself as Failure

Overcoming the Failure Life Trap

Q: I am currently struggling with a terrible sense of fear around the point at which I find myself in life right now… I have always been my harshest judge but that was what drove me on… now it is tearing me down. I am struggling to find the motivation or meaning in anything… I have read the books, done the classes, had the therapy, listened to the podcasts and watched the YT videos but right now… I just don’t have the strength of character that I once believed I had.

I look inside myself and only see failure. I don’t have the belief in myself that once pushed me forward… so I feel stuck, immobile, and incapable of getting myself out of this rut. What can I do?

TODD ANSWERS: That is very understandable. It can be really hard to let go of mental habits that have served us in the past but now no longer do. They became ingrained as much as any other kind of habit.

But, like all habits, we can get rid of old ones and form new ones. I’d say putting up reminders to engage in positive self-talk, having a mantra that uplifts you (like “I am already perfect”), and above all, just staying mindful of your thoughts.

Watch them like a parent watching over a child. Catch negative thoughts before they destroy the house (aka mind). And then be loving towards them and grateful for pointing out what work we still have left to do.

The past doesn’t matter. All that matters is how we can do better going forward. That’s it!

 Surviving Emotional Storms

Q: Dear Todd, After years of struggling I have come a very long way. But as of late, I’m just drowning and can’t seem to once and for all, get through to where I want to be. Please help.

TODD ANSWERS: I just want you to know that you are strong and whole and will get through this. Remember, whenever you feel like you are drowning, just breathe. You can do this.

Give yourself permission to take a few minutes every day to just breathe. Observe your breath. That is it. Don’t try to solve or fix anything at this time. Just practice being. Give your body and mind the space it needs to recenter.

Every single conscious breath you take is an opportunity to get out of your head, to tune out everything else, and only your breath remains. Notice your breath’s calming presence, like the ocean coming in and going out. It is always there with you whenever you need it.

There is peace and stillness that lie between thoughts and worries. The more spaces you create simply by focusing on your breath, the more frequent and longer those spaces will become, and the more peace and joy can fill up your life.

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Path to Peace Dissatisfied with Where You Are in Life?

No matter who you are, no matter where you live, no matter how rich or how poor, job or no job, we can all fall prey to that creeping dissatisfaction that can ruin our lives.

Fortunately,  peace and happiness are possible for each and every one of us. Right here. Right now. We can accept where we are, we can work towards a brighter future, and we can love every minute of the journey. In today’s podcast episode I share how we can do exactly that.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey : https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter is proud to be supported by the nonprofit, Village Direct dedicated to bringing isolated villages’ expert artistry directly to you.

The post Path to Peace Dissatisfied with Where You Are in Life? appeared first on EastWesticism.

How Do I Keep Stress Away When Money is Invested in Stocks?

Q: Dear Todd, how do I keep the stress away when my money is invested in the stock market and it keeps fluctuating a lot?

TODD ANSWERS: Well I am no stock guru However, it does look like the stock market always follows the same principles of spirituality: stay calm, no need to panic. Ups and downs are inevitable. The zen approach would be to remain centered and sober whether witnessing gains or losses. The unexpected will happen, delays, setbacks and downturns are certain. But so far, they’ve never lasted and new highs were reached.

Observe your compulsion to check the stock prices (maybe cutting back or maybe taking a break would be positive), remember the big picture (daily market changes won’t seem so important in the grand scheme of things), and do what’s best for you and then put your worries aside and put your trust in the universe. That’s all any of us can do.

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