Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 23

How to Stop Your Mind From Obsessing Over Little Things

Our minds are thinking machines, constantly jumping from thought to thought, constantly looking for something to overthink and obsess about. That’s what they do, it’s their job. A hand will do hand stuff and the mind will do thinking stuff.

But what happens when our minds get out of control? What happens when they no longer think the positive thoughts we wish they would? What happens when they only dwell on negative things, what could go wrong, what has gone wrong?

When that happens, it’s important to practice mindfulness and to become conscious and aware of our thoughts, learn to focus our mind on what we want to focus on, and change unconscious negative thoughts into positive ones.

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Was Pandemic & Being Alone Good For People

Q: Dear Todd, so do you personally think that the COVID pandemic and being alone mostly, separated and the lack of connection and community was good for people? I certainly don’t think so. What’s your perspective? Being still, quiet, finding peace! So meditation is possibly the most important thing anyone can practice. But I personally think connection within the community is equally, if not more important.

TODD ANSWERS: I don’t think there was anything good about the COVID pandemic, but I do think that good things could have come out of it. Some people responded to the lockdowns by eating lots of sugar, while others took the extra free time to get in the best shape of their lives. Some people responded by drinking more, others learned to bake bread or meditate. In no way is a pandemic a good thing, but there will always be unforeseen catastrophes that are beyond our control. How we respond is everything.

We are social animals. We are interconnected, interdependent beings. We are stronger when we can be there to support each other. Perhaps the greatest lesson from COVID is just how much we really do need human-to-human interaction, something I think many people took for granted.

But when that connection is taken away from us, we can always respond with wisdom and peace. My hope for everyone is that when life throws us curveballs, we can stay present enough to keep our eye on the ball, not panic, relax, and get a hit anyway. Meditation is the practice that prepares us to do exactly that.

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When the Past Keeps Haunting You

From Path to Peace With Todd Perelmuter Newsletter

Usually what happens when we have those unwanted, intrusive, misery-inducing thoughts, is that we are trying to suppress something that is clearly there and trying to express itself. Suppression and repression only feed negative thoughts more energy. Distraction and escape just keep them bubbling under the surface. Engaging with those thoughts feeds them too. So what the heck are we supposed to do?!

The key to freeing ourselves from a dark past is by shining an even brighter light. We can’t force ourselves to avoid or ignore painful memories from our past. If we deny our pain or delude ourselves, it will create more problems down the road. 

To fully heal, we have to look at our pain. We have to explore it from all sides. We need to meditate on it and reflect on it until it no longer stirs up any troubling emotions. Only when we’ve mustered up the courage to face it, can we conquer it. Once we have conquered it, we can set it down. If it pops up again, which it might, it will no longer disturb us.

When we make decisions that we later regret, they can end up haunting us for the rest of our lives. Our mind becomes consumed with thoughts like, “What if…,” “If only I had…,” and, “I wish…” In my latest podcast, I go into detail about how we can leave our past in the past, accept this moment, and make a brighter future. 

 

Here’s What I Want You to Do This Week:

Set aside some time to just focus on, and think about, something that keeps popping up in your mind. Sit with whatever is weighing on your mind. Give it some unhurried, undivided attention.Try to find something that you can accept, and make peace with, about the situation.

Find a lesson in the situation. Remember, a mistake is not a mistake if you learn from it. If we can find some lesson, if any good can from it, and if we can understand the root causes, then we can start to forgive, find gratitude, and turn that painful past into a blessing. (Watch this video to understand why there are no wrong decisions in life.)

 

Don’t try to hurry this process. Some days will be easy, and then the next day might be hard. Love both. And make sure you do it every single day until the past is no longer troubling. Remember that you can love your mistakes, you can love your past self, and you can be grateful for the lessons and strength you gain along the way. 

Don’t forget to continue the Week 1 task as well — creating mindfulness reminders around the house and office. It can be a reminder on your phone, a sticky note, or a lipstick smiley face on the bathroom mirror. Anything that reminds you to check in with your thoughts. Remember, we can’t undo decades of habitual thinking in a few days, so keep it up and great work!

Much love,

Todd

PS – Why is it important to stop and smell the roses? And how can you do that? I answer these questions in my video here.

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Do We Deserve Happiness?

From Path to Peace With Todd Perelmuter Newsletter

If you are breathing, you deserve happiness. Now, I don’t mean this as some political human right or some new-agey “soul” right. I also don’t mean that we deserve to always be laughing like fools. I don’t even mean that we deserve a perfect world or a world free from suffering, because that would not actually make us happy.

If we remove the suffering in this world, people will still be unhappy (take an overstressed businessperson or a depressed wealthy child for instance). But if we create happiness, THAT will remove the suffering. Happy people do not go around creating more suffering. A happy world becomes a world free from suffering.

Happiness creates a happy life, not the other way around. You have the freedom and the ability to be happy right now. It is the deal we make with the universe before arriving on the scene — that life will be hard and we will endure tremendous loss, but our capacity for love and joy will be limitless.

Like every animal whose simple existence is enough, so too are we. To be alive is to deserve happiness as much as every other living being. If a monkey can be happy with no possessions, surely we smart humans can find a way to be happy without Lamborghinis.

If we start with happiness, we can strive to be better while loving ourself. We can work as hard on our most dreaded chores as we do on our favorite hobby, and both can feel like a joy. It just first takes realizing that we deserve it, we’re worth it, and we can do it.

From time to time, we may mistakenly think we are unworthy, undeserving, unspecial, and don’t deserve happiness. But I want to tell you that you are a marvel of the universe. (Watch this video to rediscover your true and infinite worth)

When we don’t think we deserve happiness, it’s usually because: 

We have unresolved regrets, guilt or shame.We struggle with bad habits, addiction or a lack of discipline.We believe other people’s opinions or our own negative voice in our head.We feel there’s too much suffering in our lives or in the world.We feel unseen, neglected and alone.

In this podcast, I share how we can start the process of making peace with our past, peace with ourself, and peace with the world as it is.

Here’s what I would like you to do:

Leave sticky notes around the house reminding you to check in and see, “What the heck was I just thinking about and was it helpful in any way?” When we make self-awareness a habit, we stop making ourself suffer needlessly.Set phone reminders reminding yourself that there is absolutely no reason why you cannot be happy right now. Nothing is stopping you but you. We can be worried and stressed, or calm and optimistic in any circumstance. When we realize happiness is a choice, the choice becomes clear. 

Do these things religiously every single day and you will start to notice the entire world reflecting back at you the value of yourself that you are projecting. The more you practice, the more it works.

Much love,
Todd

PS – Money may be the root of all evil, but it’s also the root of paying my rent and putting food on the table. So how do we have a healthy relationship with money? How do we succeed without all the stress? How do we work hard without the burnout? Where is the line between dedication and workaholism? And, is workaholism even such a bad thing? I answer all these questions in my latest YouTube video.

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Path to Peace The Spiritual Path to Material Wealth

There is an infinite amount of success and wealth in the world. There is no limit except by our own beliefs and mindset. The economy is not me versus my neighbor.  Others don't have to fail so we can succeed. In the information age where any creative idea can become a success, every one of us can achieve our dreams. We just need to know how to do it.

In today's podcast, I share 3 simple steps to recognizing the pathway to your career success, how you can achieve your dreams, and love the journey. Spirituality and success are not mutually exclusive. We all need to provide for ourselves and our loved ones. But we also have spiritual needs. Here's how we can have both.

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Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey: https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

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Is Earning Money an Attachment?

Despite what we may feel about it, most of us live in a capitalist society that requires us to earn money in order to survive. It is all in the “how” we earn money that makes all the difference. Are we hurting our fellow humans and creatures or are we helping? Are we sacrificing our health or our relationships for money? Or are we using our occupation to nourish ourselves and our communities? Are we greedy or are we generous? Are we attached to money and the fame and power that it brings? Or are we grateful for the blessings that each day brings?

Professions can be noble and earning money can be done in the name of virtue. Much suffering can be alleviated if money is in the right people’s hands. If we are unmindful, money can very easily become an attachment. If we act in alignment with our values and intentions, money can simply be the object that it is, neither good nor bad. It’s simply a tool which can be used either to build or destroy. The choice is ours.

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Should I Forgive My Girlfriend / Boyfriend For Hurting Me? How?

Q: Dear Todd, my girlfriend told me she hates me and wants me to die a horrible death. Should I forgive her?

TODD ANSWERS: Forgive her, yes. Break up with her, maybe also yes (although that’s a personal decision only you can make). The definition of forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It doesn’t mean telling them you forgive them. It doesn’t mean pretending like the offense never happened or that it was OK.

Forgiveness means to stop letting the past ruin the present moment. It means to stop accumulating every offense we’ve ever experienced. We don’t have to forgive, but holding onto anger often makes us bitter, jaded, angry, and we will be unable to fully heal and move forward. When that happens, we either become outwardly angry; or we mask our anger through substances, denial which leads to physical and mental issues, or harmful behaviors.

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Should I forgive my girlfriend who wished a horrible death for me?

Q: Dear Todd, my girlfriend told me she hates me and wants me to die a horrible death. Should I forgive her?

TODD ANSWERS: Forgive her, yes. Break up with her, maybe also yes (although that’s a personal decision only you can make). The definition of forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It doesn’t mean telling them you forgive them. It doesn’t mean pretending like the offense never happened or that it was OK.

Forgiveness means to stop letting the past ruin the present moment. It means to stop accumulating every offense we’ve ever experienced. We don’t have to forgive, but holding onto anger often makes us bitter, jaded, angry, and we will be unable to fully heal and move forward. When that happens, we either become outwardly angry; or we mask our anger through substances, denial which leads to physical and mental issues, or harmful behaviors.

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Will I Be Forever Alone?

Q: Dear Todd, it’s my own self-esteem that’s been struck once again to prolong this long battle of wondering, will I ever meet that person? Am I destined to be alone? Have I gotten too old? Will I make it through yet another bout? I’m broken right now but fighting.

TODD ANSWERS: You are not too old! Not even if you were a hundred. But here’s why you feel like the ups and downs — the rollercoaster — is too exhausting and draining: you are not anchored to presence.

When we are anchored, centered and still, we can watch and enjoy the ups and the downs. To anchor ourselves, we have to practice no longer seeking confidence — not from others or our own mental chatter.

Instead of fluctuating between “I am great” and “I am terrible,” practice resting in “I am.” Desire for confidence makes us unconfident. Depending on praise or a loving relationship makes us a victim of circumstance. Be content with just being and you will be confident.

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Why Do We Experience Stuff

Q: Dear Todd, spirituality takes me away from alcohol, cigarettes, porn, sex, and marijuana. This mind does not search for bliss from materials. It’s trying to express infinite love. It always wanted to do so; everyone wants to do so. The intention is beautiful, but the direction is less correct.

I also know that the mind cannot go beyond time, space, and causality. This mind is not intelligent, although it appears to be intelligent under the presence of something. That something is unchangeable, unmovable, indestructible, and present everywhere. Time-space and causality are woven in it. There is no death, no birth but just a change of forms and expression of that. Then why does a person like me, who is just another form in this ocean of matter experience this?

TODD ANSWERS: This is because we are so much more than our physical, space-time bodies. Within us is the unchangeable, unmovable, indestructible, ever-present formlessness. In fact, we are that at our deepest level. We contain the duality and the multitudes of form, but all forms come from the same source. The real question is, why do we experience the stuff?

And the answer is that life is a fundamental law of this physical universe. Life exists so consciousness can experience the universe. It’d certainly be a shame for the cosmos to go unnoticed.

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