Mary Flanagan Gleason's Blog, page 13
March 13, 2023
Ted Lasso is a Gift to My Soul
I hope you have had the opportunity to watch Ted Lasso.
It is the story of a US football coach down on his luck who is recruited to coach a football team in England. The twist is twofold: Lasso doesn���t know a thing about ���soccer��� which is good because he gets hired because the owner wants the team to fail.
What unfolds is how Ted Lasso overcomes these obstacles by sheer attitude. The character development is funny, heartwarming, and a little too close to the bone sometimes.
One could say that it is unrealistic, but I have seen what a shift in attitude can do for how one sees the world and better able to overcome the challenges before them.
Ted is not a perfect man. He has made some big mistakes, but they haven���t altered his attitude about life. He surrounds himself with people he can count on to support him and, when necessary, challenge him. Ted is a rare gem to himself and anyone who cares to take note.
The show isn���t about being Pollyanna or blindly optimistic. It is about believing that things can work out if you believe in the best about people. Don���t give up. Go in with the right mindset. Stay true to who you are. Accept miracles and defeats with equal grace.
Ted Lasso is a gift to entertainment and my soul. I cannot wait for the next season to see what silly, ironic, dad-joke-worthy inspiration I will absorb.
Do you need an attitude adjustment? Watch Ted Lasso. If you need more, give me a call.
Mary
March 6, 2023
Learning and Integrating
I am enjoying a course I���ve been taking for the past month���lots of new things to learn and old things to relearn.
The course is about learning to observe subtle changes and how to integrate them into every area of my life. The integration is where I sometimes get stuck.
That is a separate step.
The struggle is remaining conscious of what has become rote. It���s no easy trick but well worth the effort. It���s about how I stop myself mid-action, mid-thought, and become aware of what, if anything, is different. What, if anything, is better/lesser/the same.
Just noticing is the critical first step. Having what I notice inform my actions/reactions is the second.
Too often, the first and second steps rush together into a seemingly single second, and I���ve lost the lesson. The integration. The ability to grow.
What is different for me is not waiting for that giant ���aha��� that can jolt me into a new reality. What I am working on is more subtle, more incremental, and more intentional.
That���s what hypnotherapy and coaching are like: the subtle observations that transform one���s next steps. My clients report this as gentle yet effective in helping them determine their next steps and how they want to lead themselves and others.
If you���re waiting for that next giant aha and it hasn���t come, maybe a more intentional approach is for you.
Ready when you are.
Mary
February 27, 2023
The Best Laid Plans���
Lately, I have had several conversations with different people experiencing extreme disappointment.
I get it. I���ve experienced disappointment, too. What I���ve learned is that it results from unmet expectations.
That���s when the shoulds and oughts surface.
�� �� ���������������� ��That should not have happened.��
�� �� ���������������� ��They ought to take care of this.��
Sometimes we aren���t aware we have certain expectations until they aren’t met. Learning to let go of outcomes and accept what is happening in the present moment can be a powerful tool in dealing with disappointment.
There is no cure, but here are a few things to help you live through it.
Reel yourself into the present moment. Acknowledge what is versus what you expected. When the terrain differs from the map, trust the terrain.
Communicate your expectations upfront whenever possible. If your expectations are off base, you may avoid disappointment down the line.
Determine what you have control over and what you don���t. Focus on what is within your power to change and let go of what is not.
Avoid victimhood. Acknowledge the sadness, frustration, and anger that come from disappointment. Just don���t stay stuck there. You are powerful and have encountered a learning opportunity. They aren���t always fun, but they are always necessary.
Unmet expectations show up in your job, relationships, and even your view of yourself. If you���d like to look at why you are so often disappointed, let���s look at it together.
I always offer a free, no-risk Discovery Call to learn more about we can work together.
Mary
February 17, 2023
“I’m talking to myself. Please don’t interrupt.”
-Me
My husband is constantly interrupting me. He is under the misguided impression that if I’m talking, I must be trying to communicate with him.
Sometimes that is true. But only sometimes. Not usually. Okay, most of my day, I am talking to myself.
It is not my goal to annoy him. Rather, it is truly helpful in problem-solving.
So often I hear myself say something that’s been pinging around in my brain and think, “oh, that sounds bad/good”. Or, “if someone said that to me, I’d be upset.” Or, even better, “Eureka! That’s what I’ll do!”
Just the other day, my husband was fixing something under the sink and said, “I wish they made a tool for this.” That was quickly followed by, “oh, wait! They do. And I have one in the garage.”
See how helpful that can be?
Talking to oneself is a very effective problem-solving tool.
Here are some techniques to try.
Brainstorming: When faced with a problem or challenge, try speaking out loud to yourself or with others to generate ideas. This can help you to get your thoughts out of your head and into the open, making it easier to see new possibilities.
I have covered my dining room windows with easel paper and held significantly important retreats with only me in attendance. The clarity is amazing.
Role-playing: Sometimes, speaking out loud can help you imagine different scenarios and test potential solutions. You can try role-playing different strategies, talking through potential solutions with a trusted friend or colleague, or even by yourself.
We actually do this a lot. You know those times when you imagine telling your spouse about a new idea and you just know what they���re going to say and ruin your enthusiasm? We get so angry with them. Poor thing has no idea why they are in the doghouse because they weren’t aware they were in a fight.
If you change your approach, you have a better chance of changing the response.
Self-reflection: When you are grappling with a personal issue or trying to make a decision, speaking out loud can help you to organize your thoughts and gain clarity on your options.
Stand before a mirror and look yourself in the eye. Be honest with yourself.
Visualization: By expressing your desires out loud and imagining them as already achieved, you can build confidence and motivation to take action towards them.
Bottom line: talking to yourself is a powerful tool for creating solutions and generating new ideas. You can gain greater clarity and insight into potential solutions and pathways forward by giving voice to your thoughts and ideas.
If you’re looking for a neutral party, these are techniques I use with my clients quite a bit. Let’s see if they will work for you.
For more insight, read this��article in Psychology Today.
Mary
February 13, 2023
Radical Self Honesty��
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Then I read the recommended process and followed it. I soon realized my intention was superficial, like believing I looked like that airbrushed headshot.
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If it remained unchallenged, I was missing an opportunity to recognize my truth, undermining this chance for significant growth. The fundamental block was that I had to be vulnerable to myself. I had to ask myself the questions I ask my clients.
* What do I really want to get out of this?
* How will my life be better when I���ve undertaken this program?
* What will success feel like? Look like?
* What am I willing to do to get there? ��
This Valentine���s Day, I am loving myself with radical honesty.
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It���s a kind of tough love best administered from within. Only radical honesty about my motives and desires will do.
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What are your motivations for being? What are you willing to do to be better, stronger, and more you?
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Radical self-honesty has been a mainstay in my approach with clients, holding that safe space while they explore their greatest truths. Some of the most common outcomes include:
* letting oneself off the hook
* taking responsibility for one���s actions
* forgiveness of self and others
* the ability to see a more straightforward, more promising path forward��
Are you ready to be your own best Valentine? Let���s set up a time to talk and see how I can help.
February 6, 2023
And on that note���.
We recently purchased a new washer and dryer. Maybe not be the most exciting purchase, but they look modern and perform well.
There���s an added benefit I hadn���t anticipated.
They play a happy little tune when the washer or dryer has completed a cycle.
Our old machines sent out a loud buzz akin to getting the wrong answer on a tv game show. Time to switch loads, fold, and put away. Now!
But a happy little tune feels so darn different. It has the same effect of notifying us that the laundry is done while making me feel glad to be doing it. At times, I literally skip to the laundry room.
What would happen if you replaced your self-talk with a happy little tune? It doesn���t change the task ahead, just the attitude with which you approach it.
Instead of ���oh geez. Now I have to do this and that,��� you said, ���Look out laundry, inbox, major task ahead, here I come.���
What if, when stressed, you whistled a happy little tune instead of holding your breath?
Such a simple thing ��� to change one���s tune.
Here���s wishing you a cheerful approach to your usual day.
Mary
January 30, 2023
���There are none so blind as those who will not see.��� �� �� �� �� �� –��Mabel Cappellino
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And she sure had a way of using it to make a point.
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She would say it while cleaning my brother���s glasses or listening to the six o���clock news. There are none so blind as those who will not see.
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We are guilty of this behavior at one time or another. It aligns with that feeling of knowing you need a new job, changes in a relationship, or simply knowing something needs to change and not dealing with it.
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Personally, I did not want to see the writing on the wall concerning a job situation. But there it was. It didn���t change anything. It was too hard for my ego to accept the situation. It made me feel like a victim rather than someone who had a choice to leave.
Here are some easy first steps to greater clarity.
1. Clean your glasses. Dirty glasses can be an indicator of avoidance.
2. Take a 360 view of the situation. Not just the parts you like but the aspects you may be avoiding. ��
3. Have an honest talk with yourself.
4. ��If necessary, call me. We can take a look together.
��Meanwhile, enjoy this picture of the hot air balloons taken from my new backyard. Picture yourself in the basket. Talk about a 360 view!
Mary
January 24, 2023
The Garbage Truck is Coming
I had a few responses to last week���s posting about ���the time is now��� to work toward your dream.
One woman reader replied, ���But the question is how to move towards what we want or feel we need without being (or being perceived as being) selfish.���
It is a fair question that a woman is likelier to ask than a man.
If you��are concerned about others��� perceptions, you have lost before you���ve begun. That���s their business. It is a great way to hand over control of your life.
If you believe that doing for yourself somehow takes away from others, you give a negative meaning to the word selfish. There is a positive meaning.
It is important to be selfish occasionally, yet good self-care goes beyond the gym workout, the occasional mani/pedi, or long soak in an Epsom salt bath.
Way beyond.
What are your dreams? The ones that are truly yours? The ones that don���t require the children to be grown, the spouse to approve, the mortgage to be retired.
Selfish is when you honor your innermost calling. Selfish is when you find a way to make space in your life just for you, regardless of the other responsibilities.
It really is okay.
In fact, it���s a must.
It is easier to say you can���t do something because of all your other responsibilities and allow that to be what keeps you safe and in your present situation. There is always a step you can take that serves only you and does not have to be a takeaway from someone else.
Taking steps toward the real you most certainly entail being selfish, at least some of the time. It���s also the surest way to have happiness in your life.
Permission does not come from others. It comes from you. Permit yourself to be as great as you dream.
Mary
January 16, 2023
Selfishness: That Old Saw
It is a fair question that a woman is likelier to ask than a man.
If you��are concerned about others��� perceptions, you have lost before you���ve begun. That���s their business. It is a great way to hand over control of your life.If you look at others��� perceptions, you have lost before you���ve begun. That���s their business. It is a great way to hand over control of your life.If you believe that doing for yourself somehow takes away from others, you give a negative meaning to the word selfishness. There is a positive meaning.
It is important to be selfish occasionally, yet good self-care goes beyond the gym workout, the occasional mani/pedi, or long soak in an Epsom salt bath.
Way beyond.
What are your dreams? The ones that are truly yours? The ones that don���t require the children to be grown, the spouse to approve, the mortgage to be retired. Selfish is when you honor your innermost calling. Selfish is when you find a way to make space in your life just for you, regardless of the other responsibilities.It really is okay.In fact, it���s a must.It is easier to say you can���t do something because of all your other responsibilities and allow that to be what keeps you safe and in your present situation. There is always a step you can take that serves only you and does not have to be a takeaway from someone else.
Taking steps toward the real you most certainly entail being selfish, at least some of the time. It���s also the surest way to have happiness in your life. Permission does not come from others. It comes from you. Permit yourself to be as great as you dream. Need help getting started? I offer a complimentary one-hour ���Let���s get started building your future��� session.
Mary
January 9, 2023
The Time is Now
My clients have shared a million reasons why they must wait. It almost always involves accommodating others. This is a notion I challenge by suggesting all the little steps they can take to create forward momentum.
For example:
* If you want to have your own business, you don���t need to be ready to open your doors to apply for a business license.
* If you think you want a new job, you can train for it without knowing exactly when you���ll be able to call on it.
* If you want a different type of relationship, start looking at what you must let go of to make room for what you want.
Regardless of your goal, the time to start is now.
It���s like sorting through the puzzle pieces to find the straight edges for the frame. Looking at all the puzzle pieces can feel so overwhelming. Sorting the pieces helps you get started toward the bigger picture.
If you need help breaking down that big goal, that big dream next phase, into doable parts, I can help you eliminate those thought barriers that hold you back. Let���s find those baby steps and ways to keep you moving forward.
Mary