Ani Rich's Blog, page 18

We All Have Different love Languages

I discovered “5 love languages” when I started to learn more about marriages because clearly something was off in my own one. 

“5 love languages” is a book by Gary Chapman, which he wrote in 1992. I personally haven’t read the book itself but have listened to Dr. Gary Champan talks and interviews. To be honest, after hearing about the love languages many things made sense and it improved my relationship with my husband. 

The whole theory basically is that people get and give love in different forms. We also give each other what we want to receive and not what other person wants to get. So if you become aware of the differences itself and learn about you and your partners love languages things will get easier. For you, the “proof” that someones love you looks different than the “Proof” for your partner. 

“According to Chapman, the five ways to express and experience love called “love languages” are:

words of affirmationquality timegiving giftsacts of servicephysical touch

Examples are given from his counseling practice, as well as questions to help determine one’s own love languages. According to this theory, each person has one primary and one secondary love language.

Chapman suggests that to discover another person’s love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands.

An example would be if a husband’s love language is acts of service, he may be confused when he does the laundry for his wife and she doesn’t perceive that as an act of love, viewing it as simply performing household duties because the love language she comprehends is words of affirmation (verbal affirmation that he loves her). She may try to use what she values, words of affirmation, to express her love to him, which he would not value as much as she does. If she understands his love language and mows the lawn for him, he perceives it in his love language as an act of expressing her love for him; likewise, if he tells her he loves her, she values that as an act of love.”

For me personally my primary love language is act of service and secondary is quality time and words of affirmation. For my husband, his primary language is physical touch and secondary words of affirmation. 

Also, our love languages are formed in our childhood, and often times it is the language that our parents loved us with. Our love language can also become what we were lacking the most as kids. 

As a kid, I was constantly praised and filled up with loving words, had a lot of quality time with my family. My grandmother’s primary love language was act of service. She raised me for the second half of my life, so it’s not a surprise that our love languages match. She would always do things for me, cleaned my shoes for the next day, did my laundry cooked yummy food from scratch every single day, she would peel and cut the fruit and bring me in my room on a plate and did so many more things for me on daily basis.

So I was doing things for my husband and he was loving me with his love language and was always touching and hugging me. Even though I enjoy it very much it wasn’t the actual “proof” of his love towards me. But if he put things away, did laundry and basically did things for me I felt loved and cared. Clearly loving each other with our own languages wasn’t working. 

The moment I learned about love languages things made sense. But it is so hard to stop loving the other person the only way you know how to love. A year later and I still catch myself repeating old habits. It’s a journey and it requires to completely upgrade and change yourself and the way you love the other person. It also takes two people to create change in a relationship. Both you and your partner should do the work and change how you love each other. You should love each other the way each of you wants to be loved. 

Dr. Gary Chapman also has a Quiz on his website which will help you to determine your love language. He has Quiz for singles, couples, teens, and children.

Source



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages#Summaryhttps://www.5lovelanguages.com/

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Are We Moving Out From Hawaii?!

Here we go again…

In last 4 years, I got married, had a child, moved 3 states, changed 8 apartments, had 9 cars, had spiritual awakening (became aware of myself, my life, limiting beliefs and unhealthy patterns in my life) wrote a book, started my own podcast, started my journey to happiness, lived in a camper van and everything in between.

last year I moved to Hawaii. To the dream destination for thousands if not millions of people. I, my husband, and our toddler bought a van converted it and lived in it, traveled around the island until Covid-19 happened. So we moved to the yurt here in Hawaii and now we are going to Los Angeles to buy a car, live in it and travel around the US.

We moved to Hawaii in October 2019. When we arrived my husband got the idea to do the Us tour in summer 2020. We had no actual plans. When the COVID happened we were already ready to move on and create a change in our lives. We knew we were over the van life and we wanted something different.

I’m sure many will be surprised because people think they wouldn’t want to move from Hawaii. For some that’s true. Others think that they will find happiness here. The truth is that every problem is in yourself and you bring them all with you everywhere you go. You are as happy in Wisconsin or in Kansas as you will be in Hawaii. I see so many unhappy, unhealthy anxious people around here. It’s not where you live that makes you happy, it’s how you live that makes the difference.

So we decided to pursue our dream of doing the US tour. And yes I think now is the best time to do so. I think now is the best time to create any big and positive change and transform yourself.

Here we go again. Moving from Hawaii to see the beauty of the rest of the US. The reason is usual. We feel that it’s time to go. Do I want to come back to Hawaii?! Absolutamente! I want to buy a house in Hawaii and have a home base on this beautiful island.

The only thing I know for sure is that I have to go and travel. I know this is the right thing to do and I know everyone I meet on the road, every place I see and every interaction I have is going to be joyful, positive, will bring me more friends, love, contentment, and fulfillment to my life and will bring me closer to my purpose on this planet.

I can’t wait to see all the beautiful places and people and have all the positive experiences. I’m beyond grateful that I am free to do whatever I want whenever I want for however long I want.

I am living my life fully and not only living, I’m experiencing it all. For that thank you God and all the force and energy of the universe.

Traveler, your footprints
are the only road, nothing else.
Traveler, there is no road;
you make your own path as you walk.
As you walk, you make your own road,
and when you look back
you see the path
you will never travel again.
Traveler, there is no road;
only a ship’s wake on the sea.

ANTONIO MACHADO

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The Universe Communicates With You On A Daily Basis

The universe always talks to us. Yes, it does. We all get different signs from the universe. Sometimes even on a daily basis. 

If you are hearing it for the first time you might be pretty surprised. Let me tell you some examples of how the signs or guidance might look.

You might be seeing the same time over and over again, the same numbers, the same person that you don’t even know. You might see the exact sentence you need to hear somewhere on the billboard, you might “randomly” find a book that is exactly what you need at that moment. You might start seeing strange things. Like several times I saw a dog without the owner. I live in the US and haven’t seen a dog, in a public place, without the owner, in the 4 years that I have been living here. So when I saw it several times I knew it was a sign and sure enough it turned out to be so. I also see angel numbers on a daily basis like 11:11 or 5:55 or 4:44 7:17. I also do tarot cards or oracle cards spread for me and it’s always accurate and several times I even had profound experiences which literally was a sign. Signs and guidance can have every form and shape and it always is unique to an individual. 

There are so many ways the universe might be communicating with you. If you haven’t noticed it yet ask for it. Ask the universe to give you the sign and to prove itself. Ask it to give you the sign that isn’t usual, so you can be sure that you are guided. Also, ask for a good sign, for the sign that you will like. And then wait and be aware, pay attention, and be sure you will get it. Remember your power comes from believing. You have to believe in order to see it and not the other way. 

So why should you pay attention?

We humans always ask for something. We ask it to God, force, the universe you can call it whatever. After we ask the question or ask for something that we forget is to listen or wait for the answers or the signs. So we miss the opportunity to get what we ask for.

So when you pay attention you get the insight, you get the answers. I was having a really hard time deciding whether or not to do the US tour with the minivan in July 2020. I asked for the guidance and asked for the answer to be exact. long story short I got an answer in a way that was so exact and immediate that there was no doubt whether it was correct or not. I knew I should follow my dreams and start planning and packing for the trip.

It’s important to note that the moment you become aware and start communication with the universe you have to listen to it. When you get the sign or an answer to your question you have to act upon them immediately. Your power truly comes from believing

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; Knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth;  And he that seeketh findeth; And to him that knocketh it shall be opened.“

Further Reading



https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/signs-from-the-universe/https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3337/15-ways-universe-sends-messages/https://www.followyourownrhythm.com/blog-1/2018/8/21/17-ways-the-universe-communicates-with-youhttps://chopra.com/articles/how-to-recognize-signs-from-the-universe

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What It Means To Truly LOVE Yourself

Loving and accepting ourselves the way we already are is one of the hardest things to do, at the same time the most rewarding.  

It’s hard because in order to love ourselves fully we need to be so honest with our own selves that it is scary. We need to accept every single thing we hate or don’t like about ourselves. We need to accept the fact that we are flawed, traumatized, broken, in pain, suffering. We need to surrender to reality. We have to see things as they truly are not how we want it to be. We should see ourselves the way we truly are and not how or who we want to be.

It’s the most rewarding because the moment you love yourself fully, is the moment you transform your whole life and you create a new person from yourself. The moment you fully accept yourself is the moment you realize that you are never alone and that you have yourself. The moment you realize that you are responsible for your own life and only you, you can then create the life you truly desire.

The other day my 3-year-old and I were playing in the backyard when I decided to leave and come inside the home he told me “Don’t leave me alone”. That was the moment that I realized how we don’t teach our kids that they are never alone. I realized that all pain and suffering starts right there. So I told him with a calm voice; “I’m not living you alone, you are staying with yourself, you have yourself” and he somehow got it. 

We always have ourselves. All that we seek is inside of us. All that we seek is also seeking us. In order to accept and love anyone else, you have to accept and love yourself.

If you truly loved yourself you would take care of it. You would filter your thoughts, monitor your words, and be mindful of your actions. 

If you truly loved yourself you wouldn’t allow yourself or anyone else to be disrespectful towards you. You won’t allow anything or anyone in your life that isn’t serving you or bringing value.

If you truly saw yourself as the only person responsible for your life you would have a better quality life. You are literally the only person that has power over your life, yourself, your thoughts, your actions, and your words.

How you treat yourself sets the tone for what kind of behavior is acceptable for you. How you treat yourself is how others will treat you. Most importantly that’s exactly how the universe will treat you. If you yourself are breaking promises for yourself or not taking care of it and not loving it how on earth you can get anything different from the universe or others?!

Look in the mirror and see yourself. Tell yourself that you love yourself. Accept yourself the way you are. Accept the life that you have because you are the only person responsible for whatever you are experiencing and feeling and for the life you are having. That truth is hitting me as it’s hitting you. There is no BUT, there are only you and your ability to create any life you want and to mold yourself into the person you want. 

 You have one body, one mind, one soul, one life, is this how you want to spend it?!

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How to avoid breaking promises

Today I want to talk about how so many people don’t say what they mean and don’t mean whatever they say. How people make unintentional, unrealistic promises, and then break them. 

When I moved to the US I didn’t know anyone else. I only had my husband’s friends. Which they were nice, but I wanted to have girlfriends. So I started to connect with people.

I would meet someone, had a great conversation, exchange numbers, and then never see them again. The most interesting fact is that almost never was I the one who initiated exchanging numbers or meeting again. And almost never was I the one canceling plans of breaking promises.

At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. But then I started to observe people.

I observed that what people say they want to do and what they actually do is completely different.

I would hear someone say that they were starting working out and they never did so, or that someone wanted to travel and never changed the location. People would say how much they want to do a certain thing and then they would never accomplish it, even worse don’t even start trying.

I learned that people would prefer to do something but it wasn’t what they truly wanted. When people say they want to do a certain thing they actually prefer to do it or have it and that’s not what they want in reality. Because if you truly want something you will make it happen. Sooner or later you will find a way to do it.

I realized that there was nothing wrong with me and that how people act was the reflection of their inner state. What people say had nothing to do with me. How people act says nothing about me and everything about them.

I would love to give you a few tips on how to start speaking your truth, how to say no when you want to say no, and how to say yes and keep your word.

First and for most, it all starts within. People don’t keep their promises to others because they don’t keep promises they give to themselves. You have to make sure you are going to keep your word you give to yourself. If you say that you are going to do your workout you have to do it. Of course, you can’t accomplish it if you have environmental limits there’s nothing you can do. But most of the time we are the limits for ourselves. The hardest obstacle for us is always ourselves. Only after you keep the promises to your own self, you can do the same for others.To avoid empty promises, before you say anything make sure you are consciously making the promise. Because oftentimes we are on autopilot and don’t even think and just talk.Become present and aware of the moment you are in and your own self. Talk from the presence, that way you are going to be aware of your words. Practice mindfulness. Ask yourself if whatever you are going to say is what you truly want. Don’t talk to the people you don’t want to and make promises you don’t want to in the first place. If it happens so either accept the reality and still keep your word or, have the courage to communicate with the person and speak your truth.Learn how to say NO. Make promises which you intend to keep. Have clear boundaries.Ask yourself if you are willing to keep your promise. Wanting something and then doing are two different things.Say what you meanDo what you sayWrite it down if you have a tendency to forget things. Make it visible. Don’t write down something you want to remember on the piece of paper you will never see again. Have a journal or an organizer and keep your promises there. Set a reminder on your phone and computer.Be very clear and specific with your promises. For example, if I met another mom and we said we were going to take kids on a play date. When I text the person I’m not going to say “Nice to meet you, let’s meet sometime soon” which is what most people do. I’m going to say “… Hey, nice to meet you let’s meet next Thursday (5.28) from 3-4 pm at the playground or the park if it works for you…” This is the rough example of how specific you should be. I hear all the time when people meet each other they exchange numbers and say “Let’s meet sometime soon” And it almost never happens. No one is perfect. If you can’t keep your promise don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself another chance and as much time as you need. Forgive yourself and you will be also forgiven. The way we treat ourselves that’s exactly how the universe treats us back.

One funny story when I moved to KC from Minneapolis I went to the yoga studio. The manager, who is my friend now, told me to grab a coffee and I said sure and thought that she was the typical “Let’s meet sometime” type so I didn’t take it seriously. Then she asked me again and I was surprised and was straight forward and asked her if she was truly meaning it. We met and had a great talk. But I almost didn’t believe her. 

If someone makes a promise to you, you also have to be very direct and specific and ask for more details. Once my neighbor told me to go somewhere together. So I was very direct and asked her if she was truly meaning whatever she was saying. We went to a lovely place and had a great dinner. 

If you keep promises to yourself, you aren’t going to break them for others. Be aware of yourself and live in the moment. make a commitment to speaking your truth and doing whatever you say. It takes time and practice, but with little effort everything is possible. 

Say what you mean and do what you say.

 In a world where vows are worthless. Where making a pledge means nothing. Where promises are made to be broken, it would be nice to see words come back into power.

Chuck Palahniuk

I feel keeping a promise to yourself is a direct reflection of the love you have for yourself. I used to make promises to myself and find them easy to break. Today, I love myself enough to not only make a promise to myself, but I love myself enough to keep that promise

Steve Maraboli

A graceful refusal is better than a lengthy promise.

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