This group has been designated for adults age 18 or older. Please sign in and confirm your date of birth in your profile so we can verify your eligibility. You may opt to make your date of birth private.
We All Have Different love Languages
I discovered “5 love languages” when I started to learn more about marriages because clearly something was off in my own one.
“5 love languages” is a book by Gary Chapman, which he wrote in 1992. I personally haven’t read the book itself but have listened to Dr. Gary Champan talks and interviews. To be honest, after hearing about the love languages many things made sense and it improved my relationship with my husband.
The whole theory basically is that people get and give love in different forms. We also give each other what we want to receive and not what other person wants to get. So if you become aware of the differences itself and learn about you and your partners love languages things will get easier. For you, the “proof” that someones love you looks different than the “Proof” for your partner.
“According to Chapman, the five ways to express and experience love called “love languages” are:
words of affirmationquality timegiving giftsacts of servicephysical touch
Examples are given from his counseling practice, as well as questions to help determine one’s own love languages. According to this theory, each person has one primary and one secondary love language.
Chapman suggests that to discover another person’s love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands.
An example would be if a husband’s love language is acts of service, he may be confused when he does the laundry for his wife and she doesn’t perceive that as an act of love, viewing it as simply performing household duties because the love language she comprehends is words of affirmation (verbal affirmation that he loves her). She may try to use what she values, words of affirmation, to express her love to him, which he would not value as much as she does. If she understands his love language and mows the lawn for him, he perceives it in his love language as an act of expressing her love for him; likewise, if he tells her he loves her, she values that as an act of love.”
For me personally my primary love language is act of service and secondary is quality time and words of affirmation. For my husband, his primary language is physical touch and secondary words of affirmation.
Also, our love languages are formed in our childhood, and often times it is the language that our parents loved us with. Our love language can also become what we were lacking the most as kids.
As a kid, I was constantly praised and filled up with loving words, had a lot of quality time with my family. My grandmother’s primary love language was act of service. She raised me for the second half of my life, so it’s not a surprise that our love languages match. She would always do things for me, cleaned my shoes for the next day, did my laundry cooked yummy food from scratch every single day, she would peel and cut the fruit and bring me in my room on a plate and did so many more things for me on daily basis.
So I was doing things for my husband and he was loving me with his love language and was always touching and hugging me. Even though I enjoy it very much it wasn’t the actual “proof” of his love towards me. But if he put things away, did laundry and basically did things for me I felt loved and cared. Clearly loving each other with our own languages wasn’t working.
The moment I learned about love languages things made sense. But it is so hard to stop loving the other person the only way you know how to love. A year later and I still catch myself repeating old habits. It’s a journey and it requires to completely upgrade and change yourself and the way you love the other person. It also takes two people to create change in a relationship. Both you and your partner should do the work and change how you love each other. You should love each other the way each of you wants to be loved.
Dr. Gary Chapman also has a Quiz on his website which will help you to determine your love language. He has Quiz for singles, couples, teens, and children.
Source
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages#Summaryhttps://www.5lovelanguages.com/
The post We All Have Different love Languages appeared first on Ani Kapanadze.
