Ani Rich's Blog, page 15

You Don’t Know Yourself and This Is the Reason

Recently I had another spiritual awakening. The big one, again. The one where you question your whole identity. After each time you learn new things about yourself.

This time I realized that I don’t know what I like and dislike. I know what drains me and gives me energy, but it’s not the same as what I like or don’t like. For example, it runes out that I like washing dishes. It doesn’t necessarily fill me up with energy, but it doesn’t drain me either.

Do you know yourself? You might think you know it, but let’s be honest no one fully knows itself. That’s why we skip that workout when we are sure we wouldn’t, or don’t keep up with the diet we were 100% sure we were doing it, or scream at our child after a second of us being peaceful. We don’t know ourselves, but we can understand it.

If we know what we like and dislike, what drains us, and what fills up our energy tank. If we know who we aren’t maybe we can understand ourselves better. When we understand ourselves better our quality of life raises and we understand the whole world better.

This is what I have been doing since, which is basically I have been questioning my every single move.

If I decide to write a blog post I would ask myself Do I like or dislike writing my blog posts

Do I like or dislike; washing dishes, working out, meditating, hugging my husband, working from my home office, sitting on a certain chair, drinking water and etc. I basically question every single move and ask myself a question if what I’m about to do goes into the like or dislike category.

Create a list in the journal of your likes and dislikes.

If something goes into a like category leave it there and keep doing it. If another thing goes into a dislike section don’t just stop doing it. Question it.

You might really dislike strength training the process itself. But you might love the results it gives. Your body might look exactly as you want as a result. So if you like the result of working out and dislike the process you might still want to keep doing so. But if you don’t like the process and the results aren’t a priority for you then you have to stop working out or find another way to move your body like walking, swimming, jumping, Qigong, Tai chi, and etc. If you want to noticeably grow your body then weight training will do the trick when Qigong can’t. But if your goal is to just move the body in the most pleasant way then weight training isn’t for you. I think you got the point of why it’s crucial to know exactly what you like and why you like it.

I encourage you to question yourself. Question every single move. Question every single decision and find why for literally everything you do. You might dislike doing something but you might still have a strong meaning for doing so. But oftentimes we do things because we think we have to when in reality we don’t get any positive result out of it and it is just painful to force ourselves to do something when we can just stop doing it.

Be careful with I have to do it because of… sentences. Remember there is nothing you have to do everything you do is your choice, so you choose to do it because… is a better way to put things into.  You can also write down as I get to do … because… this way you invite more gratitude in your life.

And if you are very defensive, resistant, and triggered by what you just read let me tell you that you need to start understanding yourself the most! The thing that triggers us the most is the thing that we need the most!

The post You Don’t Know Yourself and This Is the Reason appeared first on Ani Rich.

How To Deal with any inner “issue”

In this blog, I’m going to share my favorite way of dealing with my unconscious self and uncover answers to my questions.

A little disclaimer; This is not a quick fix for your problems. In fact, no one can give you a quick fix. It’s always a process; It can last for hours, days, weeks, months. It all depends on how conscious, aware, and connected we are. And how ready we are to hear the truth.

Now that you know that I’m not offering a magical pill here lets dive into the topic.

We all have certain beliefs in life that lead us to our life patterns. Some of those beliefs are conscious when others are unconscious.

Working on conscious beliefs is easier than changing unconscious ones. Because we simply aren’t aware of them.

How do you become aware?

If you always attract critical women, we can say that there is something within you that needs to change in order for you not to be an energetical match for critical women.

If you constantly find yourself sabotaging your happiness, there might be a pattern that needs to be uncovered and changed.

All you have to do is to ask yourself a simple question and be very specific. Why do I always attract critical women? What is in me that attracts them? What changes do I need to implement in my life to change my pattern?

Ask yourself. Ask it out loud. You can even write down the questions. When you ask the question second important step is to let go of the attachment and completely let go of the expectation of what you are going to find. You can’t obsessively think about something and get the answer.

When you are obsessed with something you become one with it. When you become one with something you become attached to it. To get answers to your questions you need to have space within, you need to be attuned and intuitive. You need your mind to be relaxed in order for the answers to be able to come to you.

It’s like when you forget the name of something or someone  and you think and think and you don’t seem to remember it and the moment you forget about it the answer comes to you and you remember the name again. 

Ask a question and let it go. During the day you can remind yourself about the question and sit there and listen. Only in silence, you can hear your answers. Ask a question and sit quietly. Or ask a question and go on by your day and it will come to you by itself.

You can’t merely hear what another person has to say unless you become quiet and listen. You can’t hear what your inner wisdom has to say if you don’t become silent and listen.

When you ask a question why do I attract critical women? The question is out there so you might suddenly attract a book where the same issue is raised and answered, or watch a movie, hear someone talk about something that will give you the answer. Or you just might intuitively get the answer.

Our brain is like a computer and when you give it an order it will go into your conscious, subconscious, and unconscious mind to search for the “files” you need to answer your question. Your subconscious mind remembers everything. There is no separation and time for your subconscious mind. The only thing you need is for your conscious mind to become aware of some information you need to answer your question. 

Be a researcher of your own self. Be curious about yourself. Try to understand yourself, why do you do certain things this way and not that way, where do your beliefs come from, what are your beliefs or limiting beliefs, what are some patterns that don’t serve you and need to change. Ask yourself questions and it will give you the answers. No one knows you, even you don’t know YOU. You can never fully know you, but you can understand yourself to a certain degree.

Understanding yourself will not only benefit you but you will understand humanity a tiny bit better. 

You can question yourself not only to uncover patterns and traumas but to answer any question; Should I change my job? Should I move to a certain state? Is it the right time to brake up with my partner? Which way should I choose today to go home? 

You can ask your inner intelligence any question and you will get the answers if you are willing to listen.

Why understand yourself?

By understanding yourself you befriend yourself. Instead of being against yourself, you start to live a life where you try to bring value to yourself with every thought you think, every word you say, and every action you take. And when you do those things, when you care about your well-being life becomes so much more fulfilling and meaningful.

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Let’s Go Back to Childhood to Become More Courageous as Adults

Do you ever wonder why it was so easy to make friends when you were a child? (unless you were bullied, were very shy, or had a traumatic childhood experience you know what I’m talking about).

What do we see today? Majority of adults struggling to even say “hello” to each other.

Observe children. They go to the playground and suddenly everyone is playing together, they are all friends now.

Kids go to each other and take toys from each other so freely, they say hi, they hug and kiss each other, they invite other kids to play with them. 

Now, the grown-ups have the thinking mind. Ahh, how I wish everyone knew they don’t have to believe their thoughts, well most of them. We get the good ones too, the helpful thoughts. 

We have fear. We believe the fearful thoughts, to be more accurate. We are afraid of not fitting in, we are afraid of not belonging and most importantly we are afraid of rejection more than anything else in this life. 

For our primitive brain rejection means death. If a tribesman rejected someone it meant that they would have no support and community anymore, that they now have to live alone, survive alone, stay safe alone, which was almost impossible. It literally was worse than death for a human being.

We might not be afraid of surviving in the woods alone anymore, but the fear of rejection is still with us. There have been many studies that prove that loneliness literally kills a human being. People really die from rejection and loneliness. But now we get rejected and feel lonely on daily basis. Someone says no to going on a date with you, you didn’t get the job you wanted, many people in general feel lonely because they don’t have communities anymore and etc…

Well, kids live as they feel. They cry when they want to and laugh when they feel joy. They hug someone when they want to hug and push away anyone that doesn’t serve them at that moment. They eat when they are hungry and eat as much as they need and want. 

Grown-ups live in their head rather than living in their bodies. We have all these social and gender norms now, adults are already conditioned. They think and think and think and overthink. First, they think, and then they try to act, but that voice in the head never stops giving us all the reasons why we shouldn’t try what we want to and go for what our intuition tells us to go for. The voice in our mind which is called thinking will always give you all the reasons why you shouldn’t pursue something. And to tell you the truth that is also our brain’s ability to keep us safe. 

Our brain is still operating on a primitive level. We needed to stay safe so our brain had to give us all the scenarios from where the lion might jump out and eat us. We needed to go through all the possible danger scenarios to keep ourselves safe. 

That’s what our mind is trying to do, just to make us aware of what might go wrong so we are prepared. It doesn’t happen for us to believe that every worst-case scenario will become true, which is what people do. The thing that had to be a tool for us to achieve even better results, by becoming aware of all the possible ways things could go wrong, is keeping us from taking any action whatsoever. We are so fearful that we might fail, or get rejected that we stay in our bubble forever and never try to even put a toe outside of the borders of our comfort zone.

It isn’t that scary to talk to people. They are just regular human beings with the same fear of rejection that you are. 9 out of 10 people will talk to you back if your intention to get to know them is pure and is bringing value. 

If you feel connected to someone’s energy you just met let them know and try to befriend that person. We don’t have to be born and die with the same set of friends we got in high school or college. You can have as many friends as you want to. All you need to have is a kind heart, pure intentions and you just have to open your mouth and talk as you feel.

If you think a guy is handsome or a girl beautiful just let them know. Don’t try to find the best ways to get to know them, because there aren’t any. Just open your mouth and say whatever comes out first and comes out naturally, from the heart. And if you say something that you cringe just own it. It won’t matter in a few hours, days, or months, so why worry about it?! You can even share that you feel a little uncomfortable. We don’t have to be this cool person who has everything figured out. We don’t have to wear some type of social mask. All we have to do is to be the best version of ourselves and let people know you and know more about people.

We become more loving by practicing to love as many people as we can as much as we are able to. We become more courageous by practicing to be courageous. You start talking to human beings freely, by practicing to talk to them as much as you can as often as you can.

Become selfless in giving. We have enough takers in the world. Open up your heart connect to your inner wisdom and try to bring value to people around you by every word you say and every action you take.

Only by connecting to your true self within can you form real, deep connections to other human beings.

The post Let’s Go Back to Childhood to Become More Courageous as Adults appeared first on Ani Rich.

This is how You Can Be More Creative, Productive, Fulfilled and Successful

Inspiration doesn’t come from doing, it comes from being. Creativity doesn’t arise from overthinking it arises from the present, peaceful mind. 

When you want to create anything, just stop and sit. Sit alone and be, just be. Don’t eat, drink, watch anything, or even brainstorm ideas. Just get a paper and a pen and sit in the silence. Give your mind a direct task before you sit and then let go of the task and surrender.

For example when I’m writing a blog post. I ask my brain, my intuition, my self; “What it is that I want to write that will also bring value to my readers?” and then I sit and look out in the space. I don’t think about my question I don’t try to get ideas I just sit and listen.

When you want to create, you need to get the idea, the inspiration. You can’t get inspiration when your mind is full of noise and clutter. If you are angry, anxious, overthinking, trying, attached, forcing… You can’t accommodate a new idea in your mind.

If one plane is landing another can’t land at the same time at the same spot. There would be no space for it and two planes will crash. So if your mind is busy thinking and thinking about the thoughts and attaching to the thoughts and trying to get the thoughts and forcing thoughts, everything will crash and there will be chaos in the brain.

When the mind’s whole energy goes into keeping up with the chaos, it will have no energy left for attracting new ideas. You are using your beautiful vital energy unintentionally. Rather leave everything you have been doing, that is not working and try to do something new, that will work.

Forget the doing, forcing, and thinking. Just be and listen. Sit down alone in the room with no distractions. Leave your gadgets outside of that room and bring only your notebook or a computer (make sure you are not going to get notifications on your computer). And sit and wait. Don’t wait for the thoughts to come. Just sit and listen, let go of every expectation, and only have the curiosity of the unknown. Don’t sit there to get the ideas just sit there so you can see what can happen. Just surrender. Sit and listen to your intuition, sounds around you, to your heart bit. Don’t listen to your thoughts just be aware of them and let them go as they arise. If you cling to any thought then you will be thinking about the thought and you will already be in the midst of creating chaos, without you even realizing it.

Then the idea will arise, another one, the third one and suddenly you will find yourself in flow, creating one of your best works.

To be unique in this world, we need to 1. Let us be the best versions of ourselves and 2. Unlearn everything we learned until this point and start learning new, better, more efficient, more fulfilling ways of doing, achieving, and creating. More being, less doing, if understood and applied correctly, is one of the most powerful lessons you can learn in your whole life. 

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Everyone Is Traumatized. Many Do Nothing About it. This Is Why You Should UnTraumatize Yourself

Traumatized people traumatize their surroundings. If you feel comfortable with your own traumas, your surroundings might not be on the same page as you.

Letting go of trauma is crucial, if not for you than for your child, spouse, sibling, surroundings.

We all have different traumas. Most of them were formed during our childhood and a few of them during adulthood. We are never immune to trauma and it can happen at any age. But because in adulthood we are more conscious, we don’t get as easily traumatized as when we are younger.

“Childhood trauma is often described as serious adverse childhood experiences. Children may go through a range of experiences that classify as psychological trauma, these might include neglect, abandonment, sexual abuse, and physical abuse, parent or sibling is treated violently or there is a parent with a mental illness. These events have profound psychological, physiological, and sociological impacts and can have negative, lasting effects on health and well-being. Adverse childhood experiences determined that traumatic experiences during childhood are a root cause of many social, emotional, and cognitive impairments that lead to increased risk of unhealthy self-destructive behaviors, risk of violence or re-victimization, chronic health conditions, low life potential, and premature mortality.”

Although many times trauma happens from a big painful event, quite often it’s also the opposite. For example, If a person has critical parents, he or she might seek validation or feel like she’s not enough no matter what she has or how big of a success she achieves throughout her life. Seeking validation or not feeling enough is also a trauma response. 

Children don’t blame their parents. When parents make a mistake, children always blame themselves. For them, their parents are a “save place” if they are “broken” it will cause substantial mental distress for them because feeling safe is innate. We need to feel a sense of belonging and that we are safe. So they just blame themselves instead. They think that the problem is in themselves when mom screams or dad drinks. Or even when parents are on their phones all day and don’t give their presence to kids, children think that they must not be interesting enough, since parents prefer to be on the phone rather than playing with them.

Imagine how many times our parents weren’t able to give us what we needed? Not because they are “bad”, but because they too were traumatized and did nothing to heal themselves. Some didn’t have tools, some awareness, and other strengths. There is no need for us to hold a grudge against our parents, we can see them as regular human beings like us with a lot of (if not even more) pain and struggle. But on the other hand, it isn’t minimizing your own pain. The fact that you see them as humans, with exact emotions, feelings, and pain as you have, doesn’t give you the healing you want.

You have no power over your parents. But you have power over you. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a parent with awareness to help them, see them, and encourage them to let their traumas go.   All your traumas are your responsibility and only yours now. It’s your call to transform them. Yes, you got unwillingly traumatized as every single human being on earth, but you can willingly UNtraumatize yourself.

You can change the story of your life at any given moment. Only you can give yourself the healing you desire and deserve. You can choose what you want your story to be; A Victim or a Survivor; A Worrier or a Warrior. 

For the volunteer victims- I see you “You got treated unfairly” but that story is already old my friend. Today is a new day and you aren’t a child anymore, you are a grown-up. You have full power over your life. You weren’t able to create the beginning but you can write the middle and the ending part of your story. You can also rewrite it as much as you can, as often as you want.

 Why? Because you can and because you need to.

Why do you need to let go of your traumas?

Traumas grow bigger as we get older. They will never disappear unless we consciously choose to let them go. It will hold you from living your fullest life. It will manifest itself in constant pain, anger, frustration, depression, anxiety, unhappiness, emotional dissatisfaction, addiction, gut problems, weak immune system, unfulfillment, etc.

All those will happen so you get the signal that something is wrong and needs to be “fixed”.  It’s how our body communicates with us. Traumas get stored in the body. “The energy of the trauma is stored in our bodies’ tissues (primarily muscles and fascia) until it can be released. This stored trauma typically leads to pain and progressively erodes a body’s health”. All these “symptoms” happen so that we wake up and become conscious and do the necessary work to heal the wounds. It happens because we need to stop living in our past and having negative/unconscious thoughts all the time. It’s a wake-up call. To wake up to the reality and to stop seeing your life as you want it to see it and start seeing it as it truly is. 

For you to become who you truly are and not who you were supposed to be. All the “struggle” happens for you, not to you. For you to grow and become the best version of yourself and become the fullest expression of the nature of the universe. You need to become clean and clear from traumas and blockages, so the divine can manifest itself through you.

When you let go of the trauma and trauma responses you create space within your soul and the body to attract a new and better life. You will have space to become love and attract love, your body will be free from old blockages so you can live a healthier, happier life. You can’t put anything in a drawer full of clutter, so you cannot attract anything new into the body full of clutter.

Let the old self go and welcome the new you. Try to squeeze every bit of a drop from this delicious life. Do not waste your precious life, flourish in it!

The post Everyone Is Traumatized. Many Do Nothing About it. This Is Why You Should UnTraumatize Yourself appeared first on Ani Rich.

The Root Of Unhappiness. How To Take Responsibility For Your Life

You are responsible for yourself.

Whatever you do, say, or think is your own responsibility. 

Your whole life choices are your responsibility and only yours.

Stop blaming other people for the choices you made and make. Realize that your whole life is what you make of it.

How people treat you is also your own responsibility, because you allow those treatment.

When you allow certain people, experiences, habits, treatment in your life it’s a green light for universe to send you more of the similar ones.

You attract what you are. And what you are is shown by what you accept.

You are lying to your own self first. You blame other people for your current situation.

You are comfortable. You blame others for your current situation and you give your power away. When your power is with “them” you don’t have to work on changing the situation you can just sit there and lie to yourself that “you can’t do anything about it”. Keep it as an excuse to sit in the same bullshit you have been sitting for a while. But if you hold your own power then you are responsible for the change, and unless you want to be unhappy you have to take steps forward towards improving the situation.

That’s the reason we give our power away, to use it as an excuse not to change and grow. Sitting in the bullshit is easy, it requires no effort whatsoever. Taking yourself out of that bullshit on the other hand takes effort, hard work, willingness, willpower, and strength. People are just lazy to be happy.

But remember when you take responsibility for your own making when you set boundaries when you don’t let people disrespect you when you know what you allow in your life and what don’t, your surroundings will call you difficult. They will try everything to keep you from growing. They will shame you, blame you and try to drag you down so they can be on your level again. They will even shame you for being happy.

Be okay with that. When you outgrow them, you outgrow them. Leave them wherever they are. You aren’t responsible for their growth and life. You are responsible for yourself. You can’t change anyone and you can’t defend yourself for becoming better.

Be in peace with being yourself. Always leave room for growth. Feel who you are and allow who you are to change, regress, and progress. We have to be flexible while being disciplined. Without discipline, there is no flexibility and vice versa. Without day there is no night. Without night there would be no day. That is how balance looks like.

Do not label yourself and do not define yourself. To label, yourself is to define it. To define is to limit. Change as much as you want, grow and transform as often as you desire.

Remember you always hold the power within. You always have the power to change every single moment, unless it’s an environmental limit. And if the universe is setting a limit for you it also granted you with power to change the outlook on that limit. You either change the situation or you change your perception about the situation. You are the alchemist you can transform limits into blessings. Nelson Mandela said, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

Don’t be a volunteer prisoner. Rumi said;

“One of the marvels of the world is

the sight of a soul sitting in prison with the key in its hand!”

You hold the key for your life.

Change your mindset, learn, upgrade your personality, transform your life, take a few steps backward, a few forward, and repeat it until you die.

The post The Root Of Unhappiness. How To Take Responsibility For Your Life appeared first on Ani Rich.

Authenticity is Garbage

It’s 2021now, and the word authentic is trendy. Just be authentic is the advice today

It’s like if you are authentic everything else will fall back to its place. 

And because of that false expectation, people find themselves struggling a lot. They seem to misunderstand the concept of it. They think being authentic is to be who they really are 24/7.

What does it even mean to be authentic?

It might mean to be genuine and to be real. But here’s the thing literally no person is genuine and real 100% of the time, but kids under 2. Everyone else, at least people after the age of 3, wear some type of mask. As William Shakespeare said All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts.

Every word that comes from our mouth has an intention, conscious or unconscious. We want to achieve, get, or create something by sharing certain things and by showing certain masks of ourselves.

Most human beings are going through something daily, and many of them struggle with one thing or another. It’s just human nature. Even though we all cheer for authenticity neither of us wants our dentist to be authentic and tell us before our wisdom tooth how stressed he/she is and how she slept just 2 hours and doesn’t feel confident at all. We want them to show us the best self and show up as the best version of themselves. We don’t want their “authenticity”, we want them to pretend that they are the best surgeons in the world.

Even though we say we want someone to be authentic in reality we all want them to be their best selves. what people say they want and what they actually want are two different things.

For me to be authentic is to represent the core of who you are in the best way you possibly can. It’s having the courage to be your best self. To enter every room as your best self. Meaning not acting or talking differently just to fit into some sort of box(es). Being authentic is when you are being intentional with your words, thoughts, and actions. When you examine every word that lives in your mouth and every thought that comes to your head.

The intention of authenticity should be to bring value. To create the positive impact.

I often see how people are whining and complaining about their life or being very negative and covering all that with an authenticity mask.

I think sharing our struggles and challenges is very important. But there is a huge difference between whining and sharing. When you share you also have to add a solution. When someone shares not only the struggles but also how they overcame those struggles they are being authentic. When someone is only sharing the struggles, they are using you as a negativity damping station. They will empty out themselves and will feel better afterward. Or they have a victim mentality and want people to know how much they suffer so they can feel sorry for them. 

Unless you are certain that sharing your ongoing struggle itself is going to bring value to someone don’t share it. Sometimes if we realize that we aren’t alone and somebody else is going through a similar thing we might feel better.

And there is nothing wrong with emptying out ourselves as well. But there is a time and a place for it. You can’t do it with everyone. You have to be sure that the person you are going to share your struggles with is ready to listen to and has the capacity to be present with you at that very moment. And you have to be honest about your own intention.

Something only becomes a problem when we make it whatever it isn’t. It’s all about intention in life and authenticity isn’t different. When you wake up in the morning make sure you are being the best human being you can possibly be. Moment by moment, choose to be the best version of yourself. Stop complaining about your struggles. Spend that time on finding solutions to your struggles, so you can not only grow through your own pain but help others do the same with your solutions.

And if you need to share, share with a person that deserves to hear it. Let them know that you need “active listening”, that you need advice or their presence and accept it if they are available to give it to you.

You can be foolishly authentic and talk, think, act unintentionally or you can be wisely authentic and talk, think, act intentionally. The choice is yours to make!

Being your worst self is easy because it doesn’t take much to do so. You can be the worst human being so easily. Being the best or at least very good is much harder because it takes consistent effort and hard work, mental clarity, willpower, being aware, and to be conscious.

Real authenticity lays in having the courage to be the best version of yourself possible.



So tell me, are you the courageous one?

The post Authenticity is Garbage appeared first on Ani Rich.

The Real Reason Why Kids Should Not Get Any Screen Time

I hear all the time that the TV/Screen is “bad” for kids.

Here are a few reasons you can find on the internet; Behavior problems: Elementary school-age children who watch TV or use a computer more than 2 hours per day are more likely to have emotional, social, and attention problems. Educational problems: Elementary school-age children who have televisions in their bedrooms do worse on academic testing. 

When people talk about the disruptive reasons for kids having screen time, they mostly talk about the outcome, that we already see. What happens when kids have screen time at a young age? The answer is behavioral, emotional, social problems. 

Very few people talk about how that happens. How it happens that all these kids with access to the screen have some sort of issues. It might be major or minor but the issue is still there. 

Almost no one talks about the why behind all the issues. 

Here is your why in a few sentences.

Philosopher Alan Watts taught his students to understand that when we are born, we do not differentiate between the external and internal world. We do not understand “that which exists outside of ourselves and that which exists internally” and therefore as we grow we learn to discern what is I and what is you. 

Kids can’t differentiate reality from the cartoon. They think that whatever happens in the cartoon is part of their life, so therefore it is part of them. They don’t know yet what’s acceptable and what’s not, what’s good or bad, they have no idea about social and gender roles, they don’t know what’s normal and what’s abnormal. They just know whatever they see, they are just observers at first, they don’t think about what they see they just accept whatever they see as part of themselves. 

When kids are born they don’t have the ability to think. They aren’t the thinkers yet, they remain to be the observer. Even though we never become the thought itself and it always stays separate from our being, sometimes when we grow up we forget that truth. So most humans allow themselves to become the thought.

Since babies don’t have the ability to think at first they are just pure consciousness, which gets programmed on a subconscious level. They are always in the moment, they are fully present, so they absorb every single words, action, or thing that they see or hear. They are literally pure subconsciousness, which we can mold and program in a way that can be beneficial or disruptive for his whole life.

Most of our traumas, mental traumas happen during our childhood. That’s why it almost seems impossible to let go of the old traumas and blueprints because we got them when we were so little that had no ability even to think. We got programmed when we were pure living subconscious. And that program runs most of our adult lives until we start to become conscious and aware of our own selves and lives. We think that we don’t have the access to the program itself, the only thing we think we can access is the marks that those traumas left on us. 

I personally think that the longer we don’t allow our kids to have screen time or watch the worst thing they could ever see, cartoons, the better it will be for them and for us too.

But here’s the truth. You too have to eliminate screen time from your life when you are around your kids. That’s where we should start.

You know how you should raise yourself first before you start to raise your kids, that’s how you should start from yourself when it comes to bringing any change to your and your family’s life. Reducing/eliminating screen time from family isn’t any different.

We have to actually give our presence to our kids instead of giving them screen time. We have to replace screen time with our time. That’s the hardest part for us parents. Because parents are humans and humans find it hard to be present and to live in the moment therefore they find it hard to give their kids presence when they themselves don’t live in presence.

Kids, up to a certain age and point, only live in the very moment that they are. They only live in the present moment. There is no past or future for them. Most of the adults on the other hand mostly live either in the past or in the future, rarely in the present moment. We don’t actually meet our kids where they are. It seems to me that parents and their children are living in completely different dimensions.

The grown-ups are rarely in the here and now. It’s all about what happened to them earlier that day, yesterday, or 5 years prior to the moment in which they are right now. It’s all about tomorrow and what will happen in 5 years from the moment in which they actually are. When I say adults live in the past or future, I mean that their minds are always somewhere else than where they are. Children’s minds are always and only at the very moment that they are in.

We have to meet our kids where they are. If we want to change their habits, we have to change our own habits first. They learn almost everything from us. They are our mirrors. Whatever we don’t like in them, is literally us in them. They give us the chance to renew ourselves and create better versions of ourselves.

Until the age of 8 (at least) our kids aren’t ready to comprehend the things they are going to see inside those boxes (Tv, computer, phone, iPad). We can save them from so many health and mental issues just by not giving them any screen time.

My toddler is already 3-years-old. Up until 2 years, he had zero screen time. When he turned 2 we decided to leave everything and started van life. We lived and traveled in a van for 8 months. During that time I allowed him some screen time. Very rarely but I did, because there were days when we literally were in survival mode and for everyone’s peace of mind we needed to do so. But if you live in an apartment, are having some type of routine, it is possible to raise a screen-free child. Since we got back to apartment living he’s back to having zero screen time as before. Even during the van life we had days where we drove 8 hours and he drove it without any screen time or cartoon. He’s so used to not having the screens that at the age of 3 he can drive more than 8 hours without any meltdowns or tantrums.

I haven’t shared my own approach to my son to make you feel bad about yours, I shared it simply to show you that it’s possible. I’m far away from being a perfect mom. I was a stay-at-home mom for the first 2 years of his life. I was alone with him while my husband was working full time. I had no help or even family members near me. I managed to raise a screen-free kid. Sure there were days where I felt like I was going crazy, or that I wanted to reconsider my approach. There were days when I don’t wanted to be alone all day with my son, that I wanted to run away. Basically, I was experiencing all the regular “crazy” days that we moms have. But somehow in this trying, I managed to raise a screen-free child. The point is; If I could do it, so can you.

Kids need boredom, kids also need our presence and quality time, what they don’t need is any screen time until they can differentiate what’s them and what’s not.

Even adults, become what we consume. If you watch the news all the time you start to become very anxious. If you watch a TV series about murder all the time you start to dream about it. Imagine how affected kids get by all that they see.

Replace the screen time with quality time. It will take time and at times it might even feel impossible. But we can do it. We can make sure that our kids don’t have issues simply because we were not motivated enough to give them our presence. You not only “save” your child and make sure he has a healthy mental state, but you “save” generations.

We raise our kids, our kids raise their kids and etc… If we raise healthy kids with healthy mental and emotional patterns and states, our kids will do the same for their kids and we are going to plant generational seeds of consciousness and love. We can be the change we want to see. We don’t have to be part of unconscious programming and generational trauma anymore. We can break free from it and carve a better way for future generations.

The post The Real Reason Why Kids Should Not Get Any Screen Time appeared first on Ani Rich.

This is how you can get more love, so you can love others more

We love people the way we want to be loved. We show our love towards the people around us the way we want to accept love.

In reality, everyone wants to be loved differently. We all have unique needs. And we all want to be loved in our unique way.

It sounds so simple. We can all say how we want to be loved and also ask others how they want to be loved. We can love each other the way each person wants to be loved and everyone can live a happy life together.

Unfortunately, not all of us know that truth. Most of the people choose not to share how they want to be loved and they are waiting that their surroundings are going to be mind readers. Very rarely does a person say what he or she actually wants and accepts and what not. And sometimes even if we do share people around us choose to ignore our needs and by doing so they ignore and disrespect us. 

We all have different wants and needs. The boundaries are unique to every individual. The first step is to ask your loved ones, how they want to be loved (see more questions at the end of the blog) and actually start working on loving your surroundings the exact way that they ask for it. The second step is to say what you want and also add how you prefer to be delivered and served whatever you want.

It’s all about serving people and getting served. It’s a cycle for which to work correctly needs every person to do his own part. You can’t get what you want without giving others whatever they want. 

It’s a dance of giving and taking. You give and then you take. You take and it’s time for giving again.

If we don’t start to become straightforward, our lives will remain challenging. Being straightforward doesn’t mean always saying whatever you want the way you want it at that very second. It’s about saying the truth in the best, acceptable way possible for whoever is involved in that truth. 

Somebody said that Honesty, without tact, is cruelty.

So make sure that when you are being honest, you are also tactful. It’s all about coming from a place of love. How can we share our truth without bringing suffering to others? And yes some people will pretend they suffer only because to get what they want and those people can be only changed when they decide to. I’m not talking about those people. What I’m saying is that when you want to share your truth (remember nobody likes to hear the truth) to the people you love make sure you are coming from a good place and your intention is to resolve the conflict and issue and not to cause it. 

There always will be people who need to hear the harsh truth, because they aren’t able to understand your hints or even your straightforward words. There are rare cases when you literally need to explain EVERYTHING and put the words in people’s brains. Some people choose to just live according to their truth and never care about yours. With those type of people, try as much as you want and then please let them go for good. 

Here are some questions we can ask our friends, partners, family members, and people we love in general; 

Ask your partner, friend, co-worker, etc; How can I love you more?When do you feel most loved?When do you feel most seen, heard, and cared for?What are your top 3 needs that have to be met in our relationship?How can I serve you better?How can I create a more safe space and environment for you and for your emotions?What are your conscious or unconscious expectations from me and our relationship?Do you think I’m able to love you the way you need and please tell me how can I start doing so? Where should I start?Do you think what you are asking from me is reasonable and possible for me to do so?Is there any question you want to be asked that I haven’t yet asked?

You can use the questions you like and replace the ones that you don’t. That’s the beauty of it. I’m just giving you an idea of how those questions can look. There are no fixed rules of how we can start loving each other more deeply. Take these questions and apply them to your relationships the way you want and is more helpful for you.

Remember changing our or our loved one’s habits takes time. If those people aren’t worth the time and energy for you then you know what to do. Just listen to your intuition or gut feeling and it will guide you throughout the journey.

If your loved one’s values aren’t contradicting yours if someone else’s freedom isn’t limiting yours if someone’s needs aren’t against yours and you want those people in your life then go and start loving them the way they want to be loved.

The post This is how you can get more love, so you can love others more appeared first on Ani Rich.

You will find all the Answers in Silence

Today we live in the Era of noise. You have soul-numbing solutions at hand every single moment. The main ones would be; Food, alcohol, gambling, drugs, judging and criticizing other people, working as many hours as people can, and the biggest one social media.

We constantly think, talk, move. We are in doing mode all the time. People aren’t physically able to be in boredom. They can’t stay still.

If they do, all the emotions will come up, all the thoughts will creep in, all the traumas will find the way to come out and it becomes unbearable for people to stay with themselves. 

Humans will do anything not to stay with themselves. They will live their life feeling like something’s missing from their life. In reality, it’s the connection to themselves that is missing. 

They will live their whole lives trying to find their beautiful selves outside of themselves. They will search for themselves in other people, in alcohol, and in all the other numbing solutions. They will waste their whole lives in searching mode. In reality, they were never lost, they were always present.

Where to start?

Go into the room, dark or bright. Go alone and don’t bring anything with you. No food, book, drink, or device. Sit down and just be. 

Thoughts will arrive, but don’t cling to them. Try to help your thoughts flow. When one thought comes, see it for what it really is, just a thought. It’s not truth or a lie. It’s simply a THOUGHT.

You don’t have to believe them or listen to them. You can recognize that they are present and let them go.

Your habits will show itself. Your hand might automatically go to grab the phone and it’s okay. You are used to checking your phone every second, it’s a habit. Sit through that feeling. You would become hungry, you might want to pee, you might need to drink. Your numbed body and mind will do everything to bring you back to the familiar (even the familiar is literally killing you).

Make sure you remove any obstacles prior to going into the room. and if it helps set a time for yourself. Not an actual timer. But tell yourself that you will do your absolute best and only after trying your best you will allow to leave the room.

Also, have compassion for yourself. Treat it like a baby that’s just starting life. Give yourself time and space to go. Don’t start to have negative self-talk and don’t call yourself “dumb, stupid” or/and all the other “names”. to grow you need to nurture yourself. Let anything you do today to be enough

You will feel like you can’t do it anymore or that you are going crazy. You will have two options you will sit through the inner storm or you will surrender to your limiting habits. It will be very challenging to become sober. To wake up to reality. But again whatever you do should be enough. Meaning you can’t cling to the past and say “I could have done better”, and then feel bad about it.

Remind yourself before quitting how you would feel if you do so and if quitting is worth that nagging feeling you get afterward then go for it… But take responsibility for every single decision you make and action you do. The feeling that you did it and accomplished it will always leave you fulfilled and joyful. Because deep down in your heart you know you can simply do anything you want and all the false reasons aren’t valid anymore and it all becomes draining and makes you feeling unaccomplished.

When you listen you can filter what’s you and what’s not you. When you can remove the excess information from your life you can uncover your true self. When you uncover your inner true voice you can connect to it.

When you let go of your thoughts and make your mind your servant, you will be in your body. when you are in your body you are present and when you are present you can hear what your heart has to say.

No matter what happens in your life, stop, and listen. Listen to the silence. It’s always there and it’s always present. It will always calm down your inner storm. Your heart is always well if you let it and listen to it.

In the universe, all is always well. The silence reflects it. 

When you listen to the silence you too realize that at that very moment all is well with you too.

The post You will find all the Answers in Silence appeared first on Ani Kapanadze.