Alanna L.P.'s Blog, page 3

Venus Morning Star and Bondage

Studio Friction is a great place to study rope bondage

Everything has felt REALLY out of control lately. Even though I have #MercuryRetrograde in my birthchart and allegedly I’ve progressed out of it, it still gives me an ass whooping every time in my worklife. Not to mention the chaos on the global stage …

The last time #VenusRetrograde came around in 2023, she burnt my house down. But I learned her lesson. So this time she brought some fun on the dark side with her and she brought me an experienced sub.

I wasn’t looking to learn about #domming but everything just kind of fell into place after I stopped hooking up with the person who introduced me to being dominate in the bedroom.

My interest in doming began in late fall with an intense lover who drove me wild in bed. My wintertime lover wanted to be dominated in ways I had only fantasized about.

We pushed deeper into our fetishizes and kinks but they always pulled back after intense scenes in the bedroom.

Looking back on it, I didn’t provide aftercare or look after their feelings because I was’t even aware we were engaging in BDSM. My lover would tell me how to dominate them and I probably unknowingly pushed them over their limit more than once, looking back on it.

So it wasn’t safe BDSM at all. We had no safe words, no contract and I didn’t check in on their feelings during scenes because I wasn’t aware we were engaging in BDSM.

But to be fair, I also think my lover didn’t realize the BDSM complexities of our arrangement either.

All of this led to heated arguments and resentment. In retrospect, I can see how it harmed us both.

Because the BDSM play wasn’t done properly, my wintertime love ended dramatically and it made me sad.

If we ever talk again, I would apologize for being so naive and perhaps recommend they look into how to safely have their needs met in bed as I have begun learning about how to safely meet my own needs.

I cared about my lover and missed him, but spring brought me the remedy: an experienced, plutonic sub who is teaching me how to dom safely.

My current plutonic sub/dom arrangement started as me being my sub’s handler (my sub is in to pup play) but has progressed to rope play.

My current sub enrolled us in a rope bondage class and I’m learning more and more about reclaiming my power through domming and creating something that resembles control in an out of control world.

I’m also learning how to be a safe dom, which is just as valuable as the kink techniques I’m exploring. My new sub is kind and patient and communicates his needs when I ask.

As for rope, I don’t know many knots yet but I’m off to a good start with getting the foundations down. My therapist agrees this is good for helping me with healing from abusive relationships because many times before, it was men who forced me into submission where now, I have the power and control. 

I’m interested to see what kind of #sensual art, #knotmagick and psychological #healing will be opened to me by the blessed #DarkGoddess, #VenusMorningStar. 

Some say the devil is a woman, and maybe there’s something to that after all … 

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Venus Morning Morning Star and Bondage

Studio Friction is a great place to study rope bondage

Everything has felt REALLY out of control lately. Even though I have #MercuryRetrograde in my birthchart and allegedly I’ve progressed out of it, it still gives me an ass whooping every time in my worklife. Not to mention the chaos on the global stage …

The last time #VenusRetrograde came around in 2023, she burnt my house down. But I learned her lesson. So this time she brought some fun on the dark side with her and she brought me an experienced sub.

I wasn’t looking to learn about #domming but everything just kind of fell into place after I stopped hooking up with the person who introduced me to domming in the bedroom.

My interest in doming began in late fall with an intense lover who drove me wild in bed. My wintertime lover wanted to be dominated in ways I had only fantasized about.

We pushed deeper into our fetishizes and kinks but he always pulled back after intense scenes in the bedroom.

Looking back on it, I didn’t provide aftercare or look after his feelings because I was’t even aware we were engaging in BDSM. He was telling me how to dominate him and I pushed him over his limit more than once, looking back on it.

It wasn’t safe BDSM at all. We had no safe words, no contract and I didn’t check in on his feelings during scenes because I wasn’t aware that it was a sub/dom relationship. But I also think he didn’t realized the complexity of our arrangement either.

All of this led to heated arguments and resentment. In retrospect, I can see how it harmed is both. If we ever talk again, I would apologize for being so naive and perhaps recommend hd look into how to safely have his needs met as I have begun learning about how to safely meet my own.

Because the sub/dom relationship wasn’t done properly, my wintertime love ended, I cared about my sub and missed him, but spring brought me an experienced, plutonic sub who is teaching me how to dom safely. It started as me being his handler (my sub is in to pup play) but has progressed to rope play.

My current sub enrolled us in a rope bondage class and I’m learning more and more about reclaiming my power through domming and creating something that resembles control in an out of control world. I’m also learning how to be a safe dom, which is just as valuable as the kink techniques I’m exploring.

As for rope, I don’t know many knots yet but I’m off to a good start with getting the foundations down. My therapist agrees this is good for helping me with healing from abusive relationships because before, it was men who forced me into submission where now, I have the power and control. 

I’m interested to see what kind of #sensual art, #knotmagick and psychological #healing will be opened to me by the blessed #DarkGoddess, #VenusMorningStar. 

Some say the devil is a woman, and maybe there’s something to that after all … 

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We Live Inside a Dream: A Tribute to David Lynch

Tribute poster 1

I remember the day David Lynch passed away.

It was four days before the inauguration of Donald Trump’s 2nd term and the fires in Los Angeles were raging. 

I remember thinking: 

How? How can you leave us NOW? When we’re all walking through fire.

The fires took David Lynch, and it made January feel colder and darker.

Each of David Lynch’s works was was an #initiation for me. 

To me, they are #mysteryplays that teach great secrets to the public.

David Lynch’s works also inspired me to write my own mystery play, the WhereThereIsNoNight series. 

So because I will never meet David Lynch in real life, I reached out in meditation to say hello when I found out he was on the other side.

My first point of contact was surprising.

It felt like an old fashioned switchboard connecting.

Then I saw David Lynch as the beloved Gordon Cole from Twin Peaks.

He shouted, “I’m getting a lot of phone calls today!”

Gordon Cole Twin Peaks

Then all of a sudden, I felt an influx of creativity that was a much higher octave than my creative ability. 

It reminded me of his book Catching the Big Fish, which I read during a dark night of the soul. Catching the Big Fish reminded me to use my meditation practice to propel my creativity.

The creative influx tracked with the book and I felt the contact was legitimate.

So “catching the big fish” in meditation was a beautiful and expiring experience.

I felt uplifted in a terrifying time.

How I felt at the end of January 2025

During meditation, I asked David Lynch that his inspiration be heard by all artists, creators, mystics and seekers as we go forward in these uncertain times.

After my meditation session, I was certain David Lynch had become a bodhisattva and I felt he was here to help anyone who asked for inspiration.

I wanted to do a tribute to David Lynch but I wasn’t sure what to do. So when I saw my friend, Brian’s, illustration of David Lynch in the Black Lodge, i jumped at the chance to do another project with Brian. Brain and I have done several projects and they all turned out super. I have a stack I’m collecting because I hope to get us an art show someday.

Brain excitedly agreed to the collaboration and I invited David Lynch to be part of the project and sit for his portrait.

Brian’s illustration

I wasn’t sure what working with David Lynch would bring but as a horror writer, a visual artist and a vlogger, I was open to his influence.

And he definitely surprised me.

The shift came in the form of a time capsule arriving in ny mailbox — my high school ring that disappeared 20 years ago reappeared again. 

Just like the Owl Cave ring from Twin Peaks

Owl Cave Ring Twin Peaks

I lost my high school ring a summer or two after high school. I was walking in the woods with my friends and my my ring flew off my finger. I had designed the ring and my name was engraved inside the band. 

I crawled around in the leaves, desperately trying to find my ring  but it was getting darker. 

I finally gave up.

A couple years later a guy from high school messaged me and asked me if I was missing my high school ring. I told him I was and he said his mom had it. I still don’t remember ever having met him. I gave the guy my parents address but I never got the ring … 

And life went on.

Then, 20 years later, I got another message from the same guy asking if his mom could send me my ring. 

I was shocked but amused, curious but excited, to get my ring back. I gave the guy my PO Box in December.

It showed up in late February.

Wrapped very intentionally and very neatly was my high school ring and a letter from the lady who kept it safe for 20 years. 

My high school ring that reappeared

It was like a message from my past self to my future self cloaked in #symbolism. I had to laugh because some things never change.

On the way home I passed by a shop with an artist palette tea cup on display. I laughed again because there is an artist palette on my ring. I bought the tea cup, of course, and even talked the price down to $12.

I sat down over the weekend, #meditated and then went into a #writing #trance.

I thought that maybe the real message was a call to reclaim the bits of my soul that got broken off and left behind …

So I made a thank you note and sent it to the woman who kept my ring safe for 20 years.

The thank you note I made

One thing the ring reminded me of was my dreams of being an artist when I was a high school student and what it means to me to be an artist now. I wanted to be an illustrator when I was in high school. I dreamed of drawing shoujo manga and writing paranormal stories about female heroes. I wanted to empower young women with magick and art. I wanted to write and illustrate stories about the power of the feminine divine.

But somewhere along the way, the art world beat me down. I got imposter syndrome. I stopped sharing my art and gave up on making a living off of it because I hated the competition and the egos.

In recent years, I started sharing my illustrations again. But it was in the form of giving gifts to my friends or in the form of leaving art for people to find or being an anonymous street artist, posting up posters with tape and tacks and staples — in a legal fashion — so that anyone who wanted it could take it home. A lot of it is unsigned. Because to me, the joy art brings is more important than putting my name on it.

So doing the poster tribute was a good way to connect my past and future selves.

As for the poster tribute, it took several weeks to finish for time and money reasons. 

But when I finally finished it, I was filled with a deep sense of joy and satisfaction.

The creative journey of creating the David Lynch tribute posters mediums: Acrylic paint, gel pen and water color marker

And the Mayan Theater showing of The Art Life was a wonderful place to kick off the tribute poster release.

The movie itself was so inspiring.

I didn’t know much about David Lynch’s early life and journey as an artist. Now I am absolutely convinced that David Lynch was a Necromancer after watching the Art Life. I felt a lot of what he painted seemed like things the dead might show someone in conversation.  

In the movie David Lynch had a copy of “The Garden of Earthly Delights” posted in his studio. It’s my FAVORITE painting and I was inspired to do a copy of Bosche soon.

The Art Life also taught me a lot about myself as an artist. 

I thought about my own experiences with talking with the dead, including David Lynch. And I believe he sat with me through the various stages of development.

The Art Life also reminded me that I am a short film maker and have been since high school.

David Lynch inspired the teenage art collectiveI  formed with my closest friends in high school together. 

We lived “the art life”, running around Louisville, KY with a video camera, making made weird art films with surreal masks and confusing costumes. It was the same vibe David Lynch talked about in his early days of being an artist.

I’ve been a vlogger since college but I’m feeling inspired to try directing longer films again. 

I left the Mayan Theater feeling that not just me, but the world, had changed

I left about 25 copies of each poster design out in the lobby and I was thrilled to see people leaving with my art work. I’m so happy that so many David Lynch fans are helping spread the tribute.

I’ve been putting the posters up around town and I hope people enjoy them. Some have been taken down. Maybe they got blown away. Maybe fans took them. Maybe people didn’t like them and ripped them down. But I have about 40 copies left and I will continue to post them up until I run out of them.

I hope they help people who don’t know about David Lynch to seek out his works.

Thank you, David Lynch, for all your creations and your wisdom. You will be missed but not forgotten.

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The 5 of Cups as a Love Triangle

According to this #tarotreading I’m in a #lovetriangle ??? With who???

I put the reading aside but pulled it out again today because it seemed mysterious.

But I really can’t think of anyone let alone 2 people.

I’m not seeing anyone …
I can’t think of anyone who has the hots for me …
and all my exes are happy with their partners they dumped me for

But even still, this is clearly a love triangle Tarot reading because of the way the figure on the #5OfCups mimics the same pose as one of the figures on the #5ofSwords

And there are 3 people making a literal triangle on the 5 of swords card too.

To me, what is says is someone is having buyers regret in their new relationship but like I said, all my recent exes think I’m a bitch so I got nothing

The last time I got a blatant love triangle reading I hadn’t met the person yet. And when I met them, I never got a fair chance because they were hung up on their ex and running back and forth between us even though they were “monogamous”

I guess time will tell

Maybe it’s a reminder: if I find myself with a crush who’s ex is still hanging around, say no because I won’t have a fair chance until that person is gone gone

Eclipse Day

It’s dream season again

I’m in a dream season again. This morning I had the same reoccurring dream where I fail college because I can’t find any of my classes. But this time, the whole class and my teachers shamed me, including Grimes, who was a classmate. I’m still pissed I loved her music and she turned out to be a terrible person so I grabbed her by the hair and we got in a bitch fight but someone broke it up.

Then everyone started calling me a racist for fighting Grimes because she’s Canadian!  Rotflll

Even I woke up chuckling, the dream was really stressful and I started having a panic attack while I was dreaming.  Then I suddenly remembered to check my surroundings because something seemed off. I realized the timeline in the dream made no sense, affirmed I was dreaming and woke up. But damnit, I wanted to sleep IN. Fuck you, Grimes.

I think the eclipse energy brought on the panic attack but it turned out to be a  nice day. 

I went with my friends to a VERY affordable crystal sale. I got all those stones for under $30!!! 

One of my friends who went to the sale with me gave me the #amethyst and #rosequartz bracelet she made for me.

Amethyst and Rose Quartz bracelet my friend made with 3,6,9 numerology

Then I got stones for my desk at work. I work a high stress job and these stones felt like good options for desk stone: #quesera #angelaurarosequartz #dragoneye #watermellontourmaline

The Que Sera stone jumped out because my beloved grandmother who crossed over a long time ago but is still my guardian and friend, used to sing that song to me. I told everyone at the table and we all sang it. I felt my grandma with us singing and thanked her for visiting us. 

The angel aura rose quartz looked like the stones in a beloved Muppet Babies book I had as a kid. I had forgotten all about that book but when I saw the stone and thought of my grandma reading it to me, I laughed that it manifested 30+ years after I out the intention out to the universe.

I got this terracotta pot in Sedona last fall and haven’t really known what to do with it so I decided to take it to work to hold my stones. The cleansing herbs came with the stones and I’ll take those too.

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I also got stones for my bedside: #merlinite #scoleite and #Rhodonite 

One of my dear teachers who specializes in #alchemy #astrophysics and #quantumphysics  reminds me so much of #Merlin that I got the #Merlinite I may give it to him though, I’m not sure yet.

I got the Rhodonite to help with my problems with unrequited love which I always seem to be on the short end of the stick with.

I used the bedside #crystals to make a  #crustalgrid for my bedside. I’m interested to see what kind if #dreams I have

i also got a free Tarot reading with my purchases

I think this reading is about not taking dating so seriously and I’m working on this

I got my necklace from the same shop I bought my selenite lamp from and I was happy I got to show them my altar I built! I FINALLY got the #lapislazuli necklace passed up in favor of the lamp. The necklace was only $18 and is lapis lazuli, amethyst and #opalite. And the vendors thought my #altar is beautiful. One of them saw #Uriel as my guardian coming through, and I laughed because I had an in the flesh visit from Uriel once when I was very hurt from an accident and she literally helped me while I waited for an ambulance.

I also built my new crystal grid under my fern plant I sleep next to I’ve been working alongside the #fae lately and I’m learning about combined #plantmagick with #crystalmagick

Then after shopping, my friends and I went out for #Tarotreadings and coffee in a thunderstorm I got the #AceOfCups in my daily draw and during the reading session, affirming that I am abundantly loved.

After that the group split up and my brother from another mother and I went to pho  

I had some extra money so I FINALLY had enough money to buy tickets for the #Royksopp show!!! I’ve been a fan for 20 years and have never seen them so I am REALLY excited.

It’s been a good day. I feel #blessed #loved and #prosperous

Elipse Day

It’s dream season again

I’m in a dream season again. This morning I had the same reoccurring dream where I fail college because I can’t find any of my classes. But this time, the whole class and my teachers shamed me, including Grimes, who was a classmate. I’m still pissed I loved her music and she turned out to be a terrible person so I grabbed her by the hair and we got in a bitch fight but someone broke it up.

Then everyone started calling me a racist for fighting Grimes because she’s Canadian!  Rotflll

Even I woke up chuckling, the dream was really stressful and I started having a panic attack while I was dreaming.  Then I suddenly remembered to check my surroundings because something seemed off. I realized the timeline in the dream made no sense, affirmed I was dreaming and woke up. But damnit, I wanted to sleep IN. Fuck you, Grimes.

I think the eclipse energy brought on the panic attack but it turned out to be a  nice day. 

I went with my friends to a VERY affordable crystal sale. I got all those stones for under $30!!! 

One of my friends who went to the sale with me gave me the #amethyst and #rosequartz bracelet she made for me.

Amethyst and Rose Quartz bracelet my friend made with 3,6,9 numerology

Then I got stones for my desk at work. I work a high stress job and these stones felt like good options for desk stone: #quesera #angelaurarosequartz #dragoneye #watermellontourmaline

The Que Sera stone jumped out because my beloved grandmother who crossed over a long time ago but is still my guardian and friend, used to sing that song to me. I told everyone at the table and we all sang it. I felt my grandma with us singing and thanked her for visiting us. 

The angel aura rose quartz looked like the stones in a beloved Muppet Babies book I had as a kid. I had forgotten all about that book but when I saw the stone and thought of my grandma reading it to me, I laughed that it manifested 30+ years after I out the intention out to the universe.

I got this terracotta pot in Sedona last fall and haven’t really known what to do with it so I decided to take it to work to hold my stones. The cleansing herbs came with the stones and I’ll take those too.

[image error][image error]

I also got stones for my bedside: #merlinite #scoleite and #Rhodonite 

One of my dear teachers who specializes in #alchemy #astrophysics and #quantumphysics  reminds me so much of #Merlin that I got the #Merlinite I may give it to him though, I’m not sure yet.

I got the Rhodonite to help with my problems with unrequited love which I always seem to be on the short end of the stick with.

I used the bedside #crystals to make a  #crustalgrid for my bedside. I’m interested to see what kind if #dreams I have

i also got a free Tarot reading with my purchases

I think this reading is about not taking dating so seriously and I’m working on this

I got my necklace from the same shop I bought my selenite lamp from and I was happy I got to show them my altar I built! I FINALLY got the #lapislazuli necklace passed up in favor of the lamp. The necklace was only $18 and is lapis lazuli, amethyst and #opalite. And the vendors thought my #altar is beautiful. One of them saw #Uriel as my guardian coming through, and I laughed because I had an in the flesh visit from Uriel once when I was very hurt from an accident and she literally helped me while I waited for an ambulance.

I also built my new crystal grid under my fern plant I sleep next to I’ve been working alongside the #fae lately and I’m learning about combined #plantmagick with #crystalmagick

Then after shopping, my friends and I went out for #Tarotreadings and coffee in a thunderstorm I got the #AceOfCups in my daily draw and during the reading session, affirming that I am abundantly loved.

After that the group split up and my brother from another mother and I went to pho  

I had some extra money so I FINALLY had enough money to buy tickets for the #Royksopp show!!! I’ve been a fan for 20 years and have never seen them so I am REALLY excited.

It’s been a good day. I feel #blessed #loved and #prosperous

The Power of Raising the Collective Energy

As I’ve said before, protests are a kind of #ritual IMO. The secret sauce for a successful #spell is community involvement.

So being at the #BernieSanders #FightingOligarchy at Civic Center Park in #Denver was definitely a rally to remember.

I went to Washington DC for a big anti Iraq war rally for my first protest and I have been attending rallies and protests since. The most incredible rally I attended was in Grant Park when Obama accepted the presidency in 2008. People hugged and cried. I’ll never forget it.

There were 34000 people in attendance tonight at Bernie’s rally in Denver.

It was a beautiful spring evening in Colorado.

The energy in the air was the same magic I felt in Washington DC and Chicago: strong, united, peaceful.

People are scared, but as a philosopher priestesses, I think we needed this and I love the discourse. I love that people are asking questions!

I’ve been called to lead during this time as well in my fraternity. I became inspired that it’s not a coincidence that I’m in master training during this time in history.

So I feel I have a rare opportunity to watch and learn.

I’m inspired as a mystery school student and teacher because there is a mystical lesson here.

The framers of the constitution, although imperfect, understood that things will change. So they made a document based on the idea of free will.

We can choose whatever future we want in this experiment. And we get what we choose.

I’m excited to see what happens next …

And I am excited to learn more about leadership and how to make a difference in my community.

The Devil, PTSD, BDSM and Venus Retrograde

I got the #cozywitchtarotdeck #adultcoloringbook . #TheDevil was the first card I chose to color. 

 I started coloring The Devil card in February because I wanted to work out some feelings about someone I was casually seeing. I put this picture aside because I left my colored pencils behind and I finally got them back today. I completed the picture and this is what I got out of it.

The person I was seeing is a lot of fun and very adventurous.  We went to events and celebrated life together. They made me laugh until my sides hurt. They are full of magick and creativity and mischief— all things I adore.

I find this person to be incredibly sexy. Whenever we’re alone my panties instantly hit the floor. Even when we tried slow it down and be just friends, all of a sudden I’d find myself naked and covered in cum like, “Whoops, how did that happen?”

I’m #sexpositive person  I thought I had my sexuality and my kinks all figured out but this one came along and took me deeper into understanding my queerness. We played dom/sub a lot and I started to embrace BDSM more and more. It helped gain a greater understanding of my inner masculinity and embrace being #nonbinary, something I am but don’t advertise because I don’t feel the need to flag wave about it. They’re male presenting but nonbinary as well, and I found our mating dance deeply satisfying.

In all, I loved all of our adventures on the street and between the sheets. 

But this person didn’t feel the same way about me. 

At the end of the day, like always, I felt like I was “too much but never enough”.

I never wanted things to get so toxic but the truth is despite how much we had in common, our communication styles didn’t mesh and it caused a lot of problems. We kept triggering each other and arguments would spiral out of control. I can’t speak of their triggers or claim I understand them, but for me, when my #PTSD is triggered, I act in ways that are difficult to understand.

You see, a long time ago I had a boyfriend that was incredibly abusive. He even tried to kill me more than once. So anything that my brain conceives as overly aggressive brings out the fighter in me. There is a certain point when I feel someone is being too agressive that I flash back to the place where I had to fight for my life in my head.

Self care for me is walking away before a PTSD trigger gets tripped and I have a full blown panic attack or become a crazy bitch. And in this relationship, sometimes I couldn’t leave before a melt down happened. So I said and did some ugly things in fight or flight mode.

And my shame deepened because they saw me melt down more than once.

I love and honor myself. I was lucky to develop a strong self esteem and a solid sense of self from a young age. So when I stopped feeling good about myself because this relationship triggered my PTSD, I had to make a tough decision.

I decided it was time to surrender and give up. It’s a bummer but you can’t force someone to understand you. And you can’t make someone care about you either. I’m still disappointed, but I think I’m awesome despite my disability, and my opinion of myself is the only opinion that matters to me in the end.

PTSD sucks and I would never wish it on anyone, but at the same time there’s more work for me to do to understand my triggers so I can maintain boundaries in heated conversations.

I’m not angry at this person. And I hope we can reconnect as friends one day but if we don’t, I understand why. My PTSD is my biggest challenge in relationships and a lot of people just don’t understand it …

In the meantime, I’ve been using #BDSM to reclaim some of that power. I have a friend who is into pup play and he likes to be leashed. I take him on walks and it helps me understand that not all men are aggressive and dominant. He lets me take control on our walks and it helps me understand that there are safe men out there. 

Who had “getting into BDSM” on their Venus Retrograde BINGO card? Lol. I didn’t

Free Download the Last Moments before Dusk Full Novel thru 1/5!

It’s a #occult #cyberpunk retelling of #romeoandjuliet set at the end of the world. 

Sex, drugs, music and the #Apocalypse. In the not so distant future, #angelsanddemons face off to to win control of the last days. Their weapons of choice, music and #magick.

The Last Moments Before Dusk: Where There is No Night volume 1 for free thru 1/5

I can’t wait to hear what you think.

P.S. Sex scenes start on page 167

And there’s more to come. Book II is in the works and should be ready for release. So more is on the way!

#indiewriter #writerslife #rockstarromance #metaphysical #gothicromance #urbanfantasy #enemiestolovers #bookstagram

Denver Witches’ Ball 2024 was fun! I looked fabulous and ...

Denver Witches’ Ball 2024 was fun! I looked fabulous and felt beautiful thanks to Rachel Evelyn Whitney’s wonderful hair styling, my talent at costume makeup and my smartly engineered crown. I definitely felt like the Empress despite repurposing my Persephone costume from last year. I connected with a lot of people and enjoyed the festivities!

If you couldn’t make it and would still like a reading from me, I’m running a Tarot sale in my Etsy shop this week. Use the code SPOOKY to get 25% off!

Go to http://www.etsy.shop/magdalenatower to purchase your reading!