Yvette Bodden's Blog, page 8

Empowerment Series: “A Million Little Things” “Jane the Virgin,” “Mrs. America,” “Law & Order,” “Guiding Light,” and “El Cantante” Actress, Andrea Navedo Shares Self-Love with AW

Life is unpredictable. Oftentimes, it feels like a long movie, where you are the lead among a cast of characters that either support or antagonize the conflict of your story. My narrative is continuously evolving, people come in and out of my life to help me with the lessons. The beauty of this thing called life is that we never know who will enter our world and make an impact.

I attended John F. Kennedy High School in the city of New York. Our rival high school was Dewitt Clinton and their football team was ruthless. Those years were only a memory until recently when I sat down for a one-on-one lunch with Andrea Navedo. We met on a beautiful Autumn day for an interview but it turned out to be a walk down memory lane after the Bronx native revealed that she attended the school of our fiercest opponent – Clinton High School! It was a meeting of two Latinas from the “Big Apple” who took very different career paths but deep down we’re not so different. We are women who have endured hardship, evolved, and learned countless lessons on our journey to finding self-love.

Many women have struggled with self-love at some point in their lives, the present company included. I am an optimist and a fighter but I did not embrace my power until the fourth decade of life. Stepping into my potential did not come easily but once it did, I held on to it for dear life! When did you find your strength, as a woman and really step into your power? There wasn’t a defining moment for me. I stepped into my power, little by little. I was bullied in middle school, and sticking up for myself was one of my first moves. In high school, I had a boyfriend who was abusive. During one argument, he antagonized me, triggering a fire in my belly! Knew that I deserved better, I fought back that day. We fought and I broke up with him.  The decision encouraged me, and I gradually gained control, gradually. Later on in life, the decision to seek therapy was useful in dealing with things that took place during my childhood, further empowering me. The decision to end a 20-year marriage was the hardest thing I’ve done in life. It has been a long journey but the driving force? My soul knew better. I fought back each time, I heard the little voice inside me say “You are not enough.” The power came in increments, becoming stronger, as I made decisions that were in my best interest.

Women juggle multiple roles, mothers, wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers, daughters, and careers. We try to be everything to everyone. There is pressure to do it all. It is unrealistic to think that we won’t make mistakes. I have my share of blunders but I have grown and learned from them. What has been your biggest lesson in self-love? Divorce has been my biggest lesson. Understanding that I deserve love has been life-changing. It is up to me to make that happen but no one else can give me that love, it’s inside of me. I truly thought that having a life of a “celebrity,” being a lead actress on a series like “Jane the Virgin” would complete my life. At the end of the day, it was not fulfilling in the way I hoped, not really. My marriage was killing me emotionally. I wanted my children to live with two parents in a conventional home but it would not have been a healthy choice for anyone. Loving myself had to come first to be able to provide them with a good life.

Years of work have helped me with self-acceptance but it is constant practice. I’ve learned to be good to myself and understand that I deserve self-care and attention. How do you show yourself love, care, and attention? I show myself love by being honest about myself and my feelings. Telling myself the truth is pivotal in my life. I know when I am not being good to myself. When I am truthful, the light shines through the darkness. Allowing myself the chance to be vulnerable, and talking about my dark thoughts is important, too. If I don’t express myself, it makes me unhappy. Letting it out constructively is an act of self-love. Therapy helps, doing the things that I am afraid of also encourages me. Having a partner who treats me well and upholds the agreements I have with him and respects mine is another way, I self-nurture.

AW likes to end interviews with a message, mantra, quote, advice, or words of inspiration. What would you like to share with our readers to encourage them to seek and protect self-love?  It’s like Glenda, the good witch who tells Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, “You’ve had the power all along.” Choose for yourself, don’t allow anyone else to disrespect you. Make choices that honor your highest and best self. Do not be the victim in the story. Take the reigns of your life, there is incredible power in staying true to yourself.

Words can’t express my gratitude to Andrea for taking the time to do our interview. Her genuine and frank words are appreciated and helped immensely on that day. As women, many of us put others at the helm of our lives, it often creates an existence that mostly meets the world’s expectations. Putting yourself first, and giving yourself what you need to be happy is not selfish. The act of self-love can help you act in alignment with your soul. Learning to love yourself is critical, as you build the foundation for an authentic life.

This interview has been condensed for clarity.*

Protected content. Updated 2023. awakened-woman.com

*Original publication 2021

Empowerment Series: CW’s “Jane the Virgin” and ABC’s “A Million Little Things,” Actress, Andrea Navedo Shares her Book, “Our Otherness is Our Strength: Wisdom from the Boogie Down Bronx”

I grew up in Upper Manhattan. The 1980s in New York City were some of the toughest times that residents had ever seen in its history. While Wall Street was having a boom, the rest of the city was in shambles. Reportedly, over 1800 homicides were committed, and the introduction of crack cocaine unleashed a tidal wave of violence and addiction. It was the time NYC nearly went bankrupt. If you were a city kid living in the midst of all this chaos, imagining anything different was impossible on most days.

Actress, Andrea Navedo dreamed more for herself and said that “Our otherness is not an obstacle to overcome. Our otherness is a strength.”

The Latina from the Bronx, New York has a long list of acting credits including CBS’s “The Good Fight” (opposite, Christine Baranski) and Amazon’s “Leverage.” For five seasons, she played the beloved Xiomara Villanueva on the Golden Globe-nominated television series “Jane the Virgin.”

Most recently, she stole our hearts as Valerie Sandoval in the ABC hit drama “A Million Little Things.” You can also see her in Netflix’s BRIGHT opposite Will Smith, Hulu’s MIGUEL WANTS TO FIGHT, and HBO Max’s B-Loved.

The newest role is of an Author. Her book “Our Otherness is Our Strength: Wisdom from the Boogie Down Bronx” was released in July and we are here for it!

I read Andrea’s book. I had all kinds of feelings after reading it. As someone raised during the same era in an underrepresented, immigrant community, this story was relatable and made me nostalgic. She was vulnerable and honest, as she shared her story. I’m sure that millions of readers will connect with her, as well.

In 2022, AW sat down with the Latina actress to discuss her journey to self-love. This time around the conversation was just as easy and genuine, making this interview feel like catching up with an old friend.

“Our Otherness is Our Strength: Wisdom from the Boogie Down Bronx“ is more personal than I thought it would be. Why did you want to write this book? I know how difficult it is to go back and write from a place of pain. Being of service was the ultimate goal. I realized while on “Jane the Virgin” that acting was not just for me. It was much bigger than me, I understood that I had a platform. I wanted to demystify celebrities, who actors are, and who I am then use my life experience to help others, if I could. At the very least, share my experiences. Hopefully, someone else might see themselves in me and be inspired in their own life.

I uncovered some generational traumas while writing my book. You wrote a lot about your mom’s journey. I noticed some of her patterns began to manifest in your own life, as a young woman. Generational curses are a real thing but your actions broke the cycle. During the writing process, did you have any a-ha moments? Honestly, I already knew about it and wanted to show some of that since I learned of it through therapy and my own healing.

This book was inspired by a speech I gave at my alma mater, Dewitt Clinton High School. Thirty years after graduating, I was invited back to speak at their commencement ceremony. I had to talk to a room full of kids but did not know what to say to them. They were going to see me at this podium, as a “successful” person but not be able to connect with me. I tried to remember what it was like to be one of the brown kids sitting in that audience. Think back to my life experiences and what they could relate to, and paint a picture to show, what they thought were strikes against them, “their otherness” is really a strength which is where the title comes from.

I always felt like I was the “other.” Not something mainstream media thought was valuable. As I realized later on, the things I thought were strikes against me, being Latina raised in the Bronx, growing up with substance abuse and welfare, and experiencing physical trauma made me bad and not worthy. However, all the challenges I went through growing up in the Bronx were actually good things because they strengthened me. They gave me the power to go the long haul in a very difficult career such as acting.

There were many stories that resonated with me in the book. One of the events that took place stood out much more than the others. I imagine it was a wake-up call for you. I definitely experienced a few of them in my time. It was the story with Zara. Your boyfriend at the time, Marco, had two pit bulls and trained one of them to fight. You had a death-defying encounter with Zara while alone in his apartment. You described feeling a “flutter” in your stomach. Would you say that moment was a wake-up call? Truthfully, I think the wake-up call happened after the dog moment. In that instance, I was in survival mode. It was after that I realized, I could have died and no one would be there to save me – that was the wake-up call. As far as the flutter is concerned, I feel that we all have instincts.  Having the experience with Zara, the pitbull, she had never been vicious towards me but I did not trust her. Here I was in this apartment alone with her, going against my instincts which are important to highlight. It is dangerous when you go against your gut.

I believe wisdom and intuition are a powerful combination.  Do you feel these have been helpful tools in your life? I think it is one of the tools the Bronx gave me, growing up with all the difficult challenges. The flutter is having an awareness of what is going on around me. Being raised in the inner city, you need to have your antennas up. Be on the lookout for the temperature of the atmosphere (and I’m not referring to weather!). We need to pay attention to our surroundings and people. The flutter was definitely one of those superpowers!

You are a mom, yourself. What is a piece of advice you shared with your daughter that can help any one of us? I talk to my kids about my things, and I’ve shared many of my stories with them. Stories are a good way to teach but you also lead by example. My parents led by example. They made mistakes and did plenty of good things. My mom left a toxic abusive marriage. My father showed me about college by attending. I show my kids how I take care of myself, go to therapy, book an acting job, write a book, and share the good and bad. I lead by example.

In the book’s title and throughout you refer to “our otherness” and how it can be a superpower. I loved it! Can you talk a bit about what it means and how leaning into it can be a strength? What is that superpower for you, the one that makes you fire and feel like a superwoman? I have really learned how to tap into my anger. For example, as I mentioned in the bullying story. You get mistreated then you hit that bottom. I tapped into my anger. I believe in justice, doing what is right, and treating people fairly. I wasn’t being treated right and reached a point where I couldn’t take it, anymore. I stood up for myself for the first time, the anger gave me the strength to protect myself and not allow someone to mistreat me. The anger has come in handy at certain times of my life.

AW likes to end interviews with a piece of advice, quote, or mantra. Your return to your old high school, Dewitt-Clinton High School, and giving the commencement speech must have been a full-circle moment. What is something you hoped students left with on that day after hearing your address? Embrace who they are and where they come from, accept themselves, and believe they can do whatever they want to do.

We need a certain level of vulnerability to share our story and Andrea has done a beautiful job of telling hers to the world. Her story reminds us of what is possible when we make the choice to own our story. Celebrate the things that make you, unique, and don’t be afraid to use your experiences to help others.

Our inner critic is deceitful. It is the voice of dislike, disappointment, and judgment and will coax anyone into thinking that being different is a weakness. The good news is that you have all the power. You can start using it by changing the story you tell yourself.

Learn more about the Bronx native by visiting www.andreanavedo.com or find her on Instagram and Twitter @andreanavedo. “Our Otherness is Our Strength: Wisdom from the Boogie Down Bronx” can be ordered through barnesandnoble.com and amazon.com

Listen to this episode of the AW Confidential Podcast on all streaming services and watch it on our YouTube channel to enjoy all the side chats during the interview.

*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com

3 Reasons You May be Tolerating a Toxic or Unhappy Relationship?

Love is patient and kind but sometimes, it plain sucks! If you have been part of a toxic relationship or overstayed your welcome in an unhappy situation then you know exactly, what I am referring to. Relationships are complicated. Let’s be real, people are complex.  Conflict is inevitable and it creates a push-and-pull that sometimes creates havoc or sadness in our lives. If we don’t have the ability or desire to resolve differences then these types of circumstances can fuel toxicity, resulting in unhappiness.

Plenty of us have a love story gone wrong but despite the grief, we remain in the relationship. Ask enough people and you will find that it’s not uncommon. So, why do this to ourselves, stay longer than we should? If we know it’s not right then why accept less than we deserve? Everyone has their own reason.  

I am guilty of hanging on to dead relationships for too long. While the toxicity was obvious to those closest to me, I chose to see what I wanted instead of the reality of the situation. The younger me did not have the awareness to see past emotional aspects but hindsight is 20/20. Today, I try to make better choices but I’m only human. Learning to set boundaries was a key part of my growth, also realized that my decisions have consequences. 

Have you or someone you know stayed in an unhealthy relationship and justified with below:

“I can’t afford to leave.” Financial hardship is rampant. Inflation is not going anywhere but up. We are paying more for everything, housing, food, and debt. There is a legitimate fear. Breaking away from financial dependence can be difficult. If this is your case, develop a long-term plan to help get out of the situation. If you are not part of budget decisions in the home, make it your business to learn about your household finances. Consider a side hustle or part-time employment to begin a nest egg.
“I can’t walk away from all the years invested in this relationship. How about if I end up alone, forever?” You have been part of a duet for a long time. Why walk away with nothing to show for it? You have someone to Netflix & chill, vacation, and spend holidays. Besides things aren’t that bad, it could be worse, right? Some people endure suffering for the sake of time. Whether, struggling with neglect, abuse, unhappiness, overall misery, or going through the motions of being in a relationship. This is your life, you choose. Do you want to sit in the passenger seat for decades or a lifetime? We only get one shot to do this thing. Should you base decisions on fear? 
“I have to stay for the sake of the children.” Understandably, it can be heartbreaking to see the faces of children when they find out about their parents splitting up.  If you are in a dangerous situation or one that is damaging your mental health, it may be a good idea to evaluate what is most important and how will this affect the children in the long term.

Whatever, the reasons are for staying in a toxic situation or one not good for you. Ask yourself, is it worth it? Is there any part of you that believes you are deserving of better? 

Love makes us do the craziest things. The power of it can move mountains but also influence us to go against everything we believe for fear of losing it. Letting go is hard. Sometimes, it messes you up so badly that the idea of keeping it around feels safer. Ultimately, the decision is yours. No one can tell you when it is time to surrender. There isn’t a universal answer but please, do what is right for you. 

Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Award-Winning, NBCU Female Forward Director, Lara Everly Shares Important Episode of “American Auto” with AW

The world has changed significantly, over the course of the last several years. Some will say, our country has regressed, while others may argue that it’s not as bad, as it seems. Whatever side you are on, it is important to continue conversations that shed light on difficult subjects.

In order to contribute to the ongoing dialogue, AW is keen on delivering content that is entertaining but also thought-provoking, as well as, inspiring. With the help of amazing guests, we have been able to explore topics that are not always easy to talk about but necessary.

Lara Everly is part of NBCU’s Female Forward Directing Program. She is an award-winning Director, skilled at bringing comedy to unexpected topics. Her political short “Always & Forever” went viral with 26 million views. She had the amazing opportunity to direct an impactful episode of NBCU’s “American Auto,” where the plot revolved around one of the character’s conflicting views about women’s rights in the workplace.

I sat down with Lara to discuss her thoughts and experience while filming the powerful episode, which may be perceived as controversial in today’s political climate.

As a Director, you take a script and interpret the vision of the Writer or Producer through the use of sound, lighting, microphones, props, cameras, and actors. What major challenge did you encounter as a woman, making this episode?  This episode was under the spotlight with the network and studio in a supportive way. The show addressed something difficult, it was about abortion rights in the workplace but was cleverly wrapped into the woke culture and different generational views on activism. It is very nuanced, not every day do we take on topics like abortion or abortion rights on network television, so there were many eyes on it. I believe there is some pressure when you are at the helm of an episode like this.  Everyone wants to make sure it’s being handled with the correct level of intelligence that this kind of topic requires.

I felt very aligned, having done a ton of work in the reproductive health women’s narrative sphere. So, it felt kismet and serendipitous that this was the story, I got to tell. It just also happens that it was my first episode with network television.

The episode hits topics about corporations taking a position on the right to choose, disavowing political donations, feminism, harassment, and other charged matters that can flare tempers, which we watched happen at the end of it. How was it for you, directing the scene and dealing with these topics? Did you have any concerns going into the project? I did not have any concerns about the subject matter at all, just wanted to make sure that I was striking the right cord for NBCUniversal, Showrunners, and Writers.

I have so much respect for Elena Crevello, who wrote the episode. She is brilliant, I wanted to ensure that I was achieving her vision and making her words pop off the page in the best way possible. It was one of those instances where it was important to get different takes. Oftentimes, the most highly passionate invested, emotional takes are funny but when dealing with this type of topic, it can be too much. I believe it was important to get many takes to have all options in the editing room.

The Oscars took place in March. In the history of these awards, seven women have been nominated for Director, and only three women have received the prestigious honor. NBCU’s Female Forward Directing Program is a first in the industry. Participating directors get an opportunity to shadow and then take the reigns on a television episode. What significance has this program had for you? Why do you think more programs like this are critical to the success of future female directors in Hollywood? I will sing praises for Female Forward all day long and in general, any of the diversity programs. The climate is changing but a diversity or directing program geared toward women or underrepresented communities is an amazing way in.

It is really hard to get that first episode. Ten to twelve episodes may be ordered and it’s tough to get one of those slots. The fact that this program guarantees an episode not just a shadowing opportunity, sets it apart. It is a huge gift, I’m so grateful because it gave me my break into network television and the Director’s Guild.

While things are changing, and opportunities are there, right now, there is a lot of catching up to do.

Do you feel it is necessary to have television programming that tackles difficult subjects? As a Director, what role would you like to play to help encourage these types of stories? I think it’s paramount! Comedy is a real gift. To be able to tackle difficult, tenderizing, and even political topics with humor, you are managing them in a completely different way. You’re bringing it to people’s living rooms in a gift-wrapped way. Viewers are enjoying the ride. It is entertaining and funny, they invest in the relationships and characters but maybe, it also gets them thinking about a topic, a little differently after watching. The content is not didactic, preachy, or dramatic. It may help us to think about topics in a new way when we tackle them through the lens of humor.

We like to end AW interviews with a piece of advice, quote, or mantra to empower others. For anyone facing hurdles while pursuing dreams or goals, can you share words of encouragement to inspire them to keep pushing forward in their journey?  I would say, find your community. The people that are down to collaborate and help one another. For myself, I have a mom group that works in the industry. We look out for each other when someone needs something. Having those people that cheer you on instead of competing with you is huge.

The other thing I’d say, we all have a story that is worth telling. Whether you are putting it to pen and paper or working with someone on it, you don’t need to wait for the content to come to you. We are content, living it, right now. Don’t wait for things to fall in your lap. Be proactive about getting your stories told, everyone needs content. Ask around, “What type of content are you looking for? Let me see what I have for you.” I did that with Refinery 29 and Scary Mommy, I asked what were the needs to be met and then pitched content to these platforms.

I watched this episode of “American Auto,” and called a friend after watching it. I walked away from it pondering all the topics and emotions without the heaviness behind the different dialogues taking place within the episode.

We absorb and interpret information in a variety of ways. Everyone likes humor, so why not use it to spark conversations about more serious topics? There should be more appreciation for networks, writers, showrunners, and directors working together to create content that is not only entertaining but leaves audiences with a sense of their affinity for our current reality. The possibility that this type of programming can cultivate more awareness and understanding of social issues offers hope for a better future.

AW is grateful to Lara for giving us a glimpse into the director’s chair, and NBCU for taking on initiatives that have a real impact on society and the rising stars of tomorrow.

Please listen to this impactful episode of the AW Confidential Podcast on all streaming services and watch it on our YouTube channel to enjoy all the side chats during the interview.

*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Protected content. Updated 2023 awakened-woman.com

Top 5 Lessons to Help You Get through a Break-Up

Breakups are not for the faint of heart. This parting of ways can be painful, so emotionally draining that it will suck the life out of its victims – if you let it. Despite the trail of despair left behind, we survive its aftermath. In fact, in most cases, men and women move on to enjoy happy love lives. The life-changing event has the potential for so much growth if you allow yourself the space to embrace it. Moving forward with resolve, and forgiveness.

As soon as a split happens, everything begins changing. Facing our truths is always a difficult task but it doesn’t mean we are ready to do the work required for healing. Once a decision is made to begin this part of the journey, it can result in wonderful discovery. Breakups can be empowering, if you take the lessons, it can make you a  better and emboldened version of yourself that flourishes. Loss of any kind hurts but if you are willing to look for the takeaways, you will find gold! I would not be the woman that I am, were it not for the lessons learned from my breakups. 

Some of the lessons being shared may help change your perspective if you or someone you know is going through the ordeal. Once the dust settled, I was able to see it.   

You can’t give, what you don’t have.
Self-care is not selfish.
True happiness starts with you.
Your dreams matter.
Embracing everything you are will get you closer to the woman you’re meant to be.

Heartbreak can have a devastating effect on our psyche. No one walks into a relationship thinking it’s not going to work then life happens. Love is grand but takes two people to nurture it. Both partners must be vested to give the relationship the best possible chance. Getting things right starts with making the decision to love and respect what you have together. Despite the dedication, love doesn’t always work. If that is your case, the most important thing to do, once things have ended is to take the lessons with you, once this part of your life is over. I have an entire volume of them to be grateful for in life.

Women are caretakers by nature, giving it all to make loved ones happy. Oftentimes, the sacrifices consume our identities, leaving us depleted emotionally and physically. We give up limitless amounts of ourselves which are not only unhealthy, they can force the best of us into mental exhaustion. Understanding that your tank must be filled before helping take care of others is essential.

Learning the value of self-care has been an amazing find. It’s not selfish to take care of your needs, it is required. Nurturing personal well-being improves overall health. Maintaining a balance between the mind, body, and spirit promotes strength. Life can be overwhelming but making sure to set aside time for yourself is a life-saver.

If your happiness is bound to any one person, it means that if he or she walks away, so does your wellness. You are enough and possess the power to shape your own happiness. A partner can complement and add to your life but should not be everything. Your dreams are important, letting go of them to fulfill another person’s in place of your own eventually leads to resentment or dissatisfaction. You can choose to delay or change your goals but do not give up on them because you matter, too. 

Life is filled with challenges. We are bound to make mistakes, it’s how we learn. Guilt, shame, or embarrassment can crush the spirit and make us feel less worthy of more. The foundation of becoming the best self is at the heart of everything. Loving who you are including the battle scars is at the core of the work you do after any painful event.

The long trajectory left me with wisdom that remains with me until today. The strength, wisdom, and determination gathered from these experiences helped me create a new life on my terms. The past does not define who we become, only you can do that! Women are resilient. They demonstrate it over and over, despite decades of repression. Don’t be discouraged, use the enlightenment to reimagine your life as you want it then pursue it. Create your vision, and use your lessons, as inspiration to become a better you.

Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Founder of WORD Creative, Host of “Feel Everything Podcast,” Zoila Darton Shares Community with AW

Panamanian-Jamaican and Jewish Founder of the WORD agency, Zoila Darton is building spaces for people of color by using cultural storytelling.  She believes in creating content that reflects our community and history. The Creative Director says “Community is the foundation of a great brand.” The highly successful entrepreneur has worked with big brands like HBO, Nike, Converse, Meta, Rare Beauty, Shea Moisture, and many more!

AW interviewed the Latina powerhouse. We talked about community, Latinidad, motherhood, and legacy. Her energy is infectious, and her candid disposition is admirable.  The importance of community translated during the conversation and will inspire you to seek your tribe.

In an interview on the Latina to Latina podcast, you briefly talked about identity being a separate silo. You said, “There is no one way to be Latina.” What does it mean for you to be Latina? How do you express your Latinidad?  First of all, I loved the interview with Alicia, she is a queen. I am grateful. It was an honor to sit with such a master of the craft. This is a loaded question for me at this moment. During Hispanic (Latinx, Latine, Latino) Heritage Month, I’m feeling a lot of things about my identity. What it means to be Latina, and claim it, personally. Also, what it feels like to be included in the community at large.

I founded Word at the end of 2017, the goal was to create a space where people show up as their fullest selves. Recently, I’ve been asking myself questions about my own Latinidad. I am Panamanian-Jamaican but I don’t know if I am Latina. This has nothing to do with the actual culture because as Caribeñas, Black women, and women of color, our culture is so rich. It is the “sabor” that shapes what Latinidad looks like as a whole, even if other people don’t see us. I have my family in Panama and New York and for me being Latina has been about culture and community. It’s embracing and feeling powerful in it, it is the music, food, and all those things but it is not my full identity.

You spent years working in the music industry and then decided to start your platform to share stories that reflect our community and history. I can imagine this may have felt like swimming against the tide. Today, your client list consists of major brands.  You are having success while staying true to yourself and telling the stories of your community. I believe the way we grow up and our experiences help shape us in countless ways. Can you think of a moment in your life that impacted you and helped you embrace or understand the significance of sharing stories? My whole life has been, me feeling like I am misunderstood. Growing up, I felt like a fish out of water, even in my own family. As a highly intuitive person, I had something telling me to be myself from a very young age. I truly never tried to be someone I wasn’t and it showed. I loved clothes, musicals, flamenco, movies like “Clueless” and shows like “Seinfeld.” I wanted to work in fashion and design but at the age of 5-6, I remember not seeing myself in magazines like Vogue.  No curly hair, no actors that looked like me, and this impacted me. The combination of these things taught me that people need to be able to show up and be their true selves. These experiences coupled with the feeling of being misunderstood brought me here.

You believe that community is the foundation of a great brand. You create campaigns that reflect diversity and inclusion. We need more of that in our future. There is a Maya Angelou quote, “Your legacy is every life you touch.” You are young, and still working on your legacy. When you envision the future of the WORD agency, what do you hope to leave as a legacy to your children and ours, as part of a better tomorrow? There are a couple of things I would like to do with this company. Eventually, I’d like to bring someone else in to do this job. Someone who I have been able to nurture, support, and train. I’d like to see him or her blossom and hand over the reins. It does not have to necessarily be my kids because that would mean working another 20 years and I am not interested in doing that. The other piece, which I’m transitioning into is touching more lives through stories, ideally, doing television and films. When I do that, it will be the legacy because I can tell all our stories, including those of mothers, and first-generation immigrant children, specifically, from the 80s and 90s.

You are an entrepreneur and mom of two. You have experienced burnout. How does personal community play a role in your life? How does having that support improve your mental health and success, bringing more joy into your life? Personal community is everything! Some of my friends, I’ve had in my life since I was 13 years old. I lived across the hall from Chelsea, who has been my best friend since the age of 3. When my baby was born, she was with my son, while I gave birth. I’ve had the same mom chat group for the past 6 years. The life changes we have gone through together in that chat make up countless books to be written. One of the reasons that I am so passionate about storytelling is because one of the most heartbreaking atrocities done to women and mothers is not allowing us to be our full multidimensional selves. We are not allowed to show up in all the different ways we are capable. What I know of women is that the level of intelligence, innovation, and creativity inside us is such a threat to modern society that we have all been buried. It hurts my heart that we’re missing out on so much innovation due to the lack of opportunities to express ourselves, entirely. I would be nowhere without the women in my life.

We like to end interviews with a piece of advice, quote, or mantra. Can you share some wisdom for anyone seeking to build their community, whether personally or professionally? If you are seeking to build anything – it starts inside. You need to understand what is going to make you feel your best.  How can you attract anything, if you are not feeling good? If you are empty, you will have nothing to radiate back. You must nourish yourself. I live by this philosophy and it is the foundation of the brand, Piu Mas, that my husband and I are working on. We are offering practical, harmonious, luxurious tools and resources to help bring more good into your daily lives. We owe it to ourselves to pour into ourselves so that we can radiate that energy onto people.  It can help show others how to treat you and get the positive energy back.

Zoila’s vigor and passion come through, as she navigated our conversation about the things that matter to her. It’s important to show vulnerability and be open to speaking on difficult topics. The creator did a stellar job of expressing thoughts and experiences in a way that drew me into her story. AW is incredibly grateful to Zoila for sharing part of herself with us.

One of the best ways to create community is by building social connections. Having a network of support reinforces our sense of belonging.  Don’t be afraid to find your tribe. Once you know who you are and stick to your values and beliefs, the right people gravitate toward you. Life’s journey is less taxing when we have people to hold us accountable and remind us of our purpose in the world. Community is everything!

To learn more about Zoila on Instagram and TikTok@zoiladarton or visit Word. agency

If you want to learn about the new brand, find it on Instagram@piu.mas

Listen to the AW Confidential Podcast on all streaming services. You can also watch this Confidential YouTube to enjoy all the side chats during the interview.

*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Award-Winning Filmmaker, Afro-Latina Actress, Netflix “Purple Hearts,” and Freevee’s Casa Grande Star, Loren Escandón Shares her Legacy with AW

Award speeches often begin with a celebration of accomplishments. We see the person in his or her glory and seldom think about the hardship endured on the way to the win.

Loren Escandón graduated with a degree in Theatre from Universidad del Valle in Colombia. Instead of staying put in her native country, she made a bold move. The fearless Latina moved to the US to pursue dreams of making a splash in the entertainment industry without so much as speaking the English language. There were plenty of roadblocks on the path she chose for herself, none of which dissuaded her from becoming who she was meant to be.

Today, her life in Los Angeles looks different than the one she left behind. Loren is an award-winning Filmmaker, Actor, Director, and Writer who has an impressive resume in Hollywood. Millions will recognize her as Marisol, the single mother to Cassie, played by Sofia Carson in the Netflix hit film, Purple Hearts. She has also guest starred in popular television series like Truth Be Told, Gentefied, CBS’ S.W.A.T, Fox’s 9-11, FX’s Crime Story, CW’s The Messengers, HBO’s Selena: The Series, and many more.

In 2022, Loren’s film, Los Patines won several awards.  In May 2023, she stars in Freeve’s much anticipated bilingual, five-part series, Casa Grande.

AW had the incredible opportunity to sit down with the actress to discuss her role in the new series, Latino Representation, challenges and lessons coming into the entertainment industry, and the legacy she would like to leave for future generations. Our interview will be inspiring to any dreamer who is on the verge of giving up. If you are close to quitting on everything you’ve ever wanted, Loren says “Don’t, do it!” I hope this interview provides the motivation needed to keep your dream alive.

Latino representation is critical in all industries. You have been passionate about playing women of color. In the role of Ximena Morales, Rafael’s wife, and Mael’s mother. She dreams of a better future for her family while managing the realities of circumstances. Can you share a bit about the series and your character? Also, tell us, why was it essential for you to play this role. The name of the series is Casa Grande, it is on Freevee and I hope everyone watches it! This is a free platform that makes it convenient for you to access the programming. No subscription is needed, which is one of the reasons we love it and made our home there.

Casa Grande’s story revolves around four different families. You experience their values, beliefs, and perspectives on life, all these things conjure in this place. But at the same time, what is great about the show is how being trapped in this environment under particular circumstances becomes almost like a reflection of society, overall. The drama portrays love, loyalty, and betrayal, it shows how all these feelings can bring out the best and worst in humanity. In that exploration of family, class, religion, culture, and immigration, we find that at the end of the day, we’re all humans trying to have a life that’s worth living.

Ximena Morales is a hard-working mom but fun too! The reason, I really wanted to play her from the beginning. I felt a need to craft this woman in a way that honors all the farm workers in this country. I never really thought about the produce that goes into my refrigerator or the stories that come with the fruits and vegetables we bring to the table. I wanted to play the role with respect to the farmworkers who are often overseen or stereotyped by the idea of who we think they are. Humanizing these stories, especially in the political environment we are living is important.

You graduated with a degree in Theatre from Universidad del Valle in Colombia then made the brave move to come to the US to pursue your dreams. I can imagine that you had some challenges stepping into this career. Latinos had been invisible in Hollywood for decades but they are finally carving a space in front and behind the cameras. As a dreamer and proud “Colombiana,” who was coming into the entertainment business for the first time. What was your biggest struggle and greatest lesson, as you assimilated into this difficult industry? I think one of the biggest struggles encountered when I came to this country had to do with the perception of who I was. I moved here not speaking the language, so I wasn’t able to communicate at all.  I was an educated woman in Colombia but had to find a way out because representation was limited, there. My thinking was, that I’d go to America, and it would be different. But I found myself in the same circumstances. In addition, I had the challenge of being an immigrant, a woman of color, who did not speak the language. Due to all those facts, people had their own idea of who I was and it wasn’t even close to who I really am, so that was a huge struggle. Now, I needed to identify as Latina which I didn’t need to do in Colombia, we were all the same. When the roles started coming around, I noticed how I was being perceived. The business believed there were only certain types of roles, I could play.

This is why Diversity & Inclusion is so important. Latinos are not a monolith. We don’t all look and sound one way. We are not a single culture but many, rich in diversity. The fact that the business saw all Latinos one way was another struggle. But this also offered my biggest lesson, don’t sit and wait for the business and industry to write the character you want for yourself. Figure out a way to create those projects that portray your culture from your point of view.

In recent years, Diversity and Inclusion have taken the spotlight, opening up opportunities for us in a range of industries. As an Afro-Latina who is not only an Actor but also a Filmmaker, Director, Writer, and Activist. How do you secure your contribution to the representation of Latinos in the industry? There are different paths for me to do so. As an Actress, I am mindful of the characters that I portray. I have been blessed and feel privileged to say, “No” to some projects that come my way. If I don’t feel it represents my culture, demographic group, and race with dignity and pride, I turn it down. Everyone’s situation is different. It is financially complicated but I want to be able to have some sort of control over where I want to focus my craft.

As a Film Director, this changes because I can choose the stories that I want to tell, as well as, maintain some control over who I handpick to tell them with. In that sense, I always look to find the most diverse collaborators for my projects. It is a priority, for example, in my latest film “The Last Store,” the cast was all women of color and the only male character was Black. All heads of departments were women, and ninety-five percent of the crew were people of color. The film “Los Patines” was an all-female cast with everyone behind the camera being people of color. This is my contribution to help make a change in the industry. We have to start hiring our own people, repeatedly, until that happens, we are not there, yet.

You have played many great roles and continue to build this amazing career in front and behind the cameras. I love seeing empowered Latinas thrive! You have much more to do in your career but when you look towards the future. What do you hope your legacy will be for the next generation? I’d like my legacy to be, leaving an industry that does not need to think about inclusion, anymore. I would love to leave a body of work that represents my culture with pride, is a model to follow, and is a reflection of society. As an Afro-Latina in particular, leave behind stories that are as far away as possible from the stereotypes. Instead, present the richness, universality, and uniqueness that we are and have a company where everyone can be themselves.

We like to end AW interviews with a quote, mantra, or advice to inspire. What encouraging words do you have for anyone who may think they need to bargain their authenticity to be successful? Don’t do it, it’s not worth it. The value of who you are is in your art, persona, and humanity. It is who you are – your authentic self that truly matters. Don’t compromise your vision, or morality because there is no success without those elements.  As an artist, you are your biggest possession, and the more clear you are about who you are, the more it translates into your art. It’s the thing that helps you connect with people in the most intimate and profound ways.

I’d also say, keep going, do not stop! My character in Purple Hearts would say “Quien no ariesga, no gana.” No risk, no gain. My daughter in the film, played by Sofia Carson has the tattoo and my mom used to say that all the time. When I started playing this character, I revisited this idea. It was when I had those words tattooed on myself. It has become my mantra. You have to create your own opportunities and make things happen for yourself. In this process, the one thing you cannot do is lose your authenticity. If you lose that, you lose yourself.

Loren came to this country believing that she could be everything, she imagined. She did not speak, read, or understand the English language. The Latina was not privy to connections that gave her a boost to climb the Hollywood ladder.  Knowing who she was and what she was capable of sparked a fire. The combination of hard work, perseverance, and an unrelenting faith in herself has helped her stay on the path to greatness. All things are possible when you believe in yourself. Once you surrender to the idea that you can do anything, well, the sky is the limit.

AW is extremely grateful for every one of these interviews. We appreciate the talent and the collaborators working behind the scenes to help it all come together. I am inspired, just as much as you, by every conversation. It is far from easy to create something out of nothing. Women like Loren continue to fuel my dreams and encourage me to continue making contributions that help light a match in the lives of others looking for inspiration. Hopefully, you are left feeling empowered to go out there and reach for your own star.

You can listen to this episode of the AW Confidential Podcast on all streaming services and watch it on our YouTube channel to enjoy all the side chats during the interview.

Check out Casa Grande, playing on Freevee now! To learn more about Loren, visit Loren Escandon, on Instagram, and Twitter @Lorenescandon

*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Protected content. Updated 2023 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: BET, Tyler Perry’s, “Sistas” Actress – Novi Brown Shares Sisterhood and Commitment with AW

Tyler Perry‘s BET series “Sistas” follows a group of four women, as they find themselves and love while going through a series of ups and downs in relationships. Despite the ongoing merry-go-round of emotions, they survive personal ordeals by leaning on their circle of friendship.

In a recent storyline for the show, Novi Brown’s character, Sabrina Hollins is left in a state of indecision about whether or not to commit to her on-screen beau. The ambivalence of being or not being exclusive creates great confusion. Her turmoil worsens when she sees the object of affection on a date with another woman after she declines his request for exclusivity. It is up to her girls to support the uncertainty, and help Sabrina understand there is no right or wrong, just what’s best for her individual happiness.

As women, we are pressured into thinking there is a need to have a man by our side, in order to feel complete. Thankfully, gender roles are changing, and so are the dating rules we’ve been following. The way we view relationships is evolving, as we step into careers full speed and delay or cancel motherhood. Oftentimes, it takes the support of the women in our circle to remind us, that we don’t have to do things the conventional way. There are options outside traditional boundaries set by old-world thinking. We should remain confident in the women we’ve grown into, knowing there is always a choice.

AW had the exciting opportunity to interview Novi Brown on the topics of sisterhood and commitment. The Writer/Actor was born in Berlin, Germany but New York City holds a piece of her heart. Since graduating Magna Cum Laude from The City College of New York with a Bachelor in Fine Arts she has shared her talents across the creative entertainment industry by taking part in 15 film and television productions, as well as, countless print works.

Hopefully, this interview offers a fresh perspective on the commitments in your life, not just in love but with girlfriends too!

The comedy-drama, Sistas has been a breath of fresh air. It demonstrates how females empower each other through strong friendships. We need to promote more sisterhood among women and show as much support, as possible. How important have girlfriends been in your life while navigating the world of love, career, and relationships? My girls have been vital in my growth, as an individual. The cool thing about my friendships is that we are very open with each other and committed to having a judgment-free zone. It is a place where we can safely discuss our internal and external issues within the world of love, career & relationships. Receiving feedback from an untainted source is truly divine and friendships can hold space for that!

We can learn a lot from other women. Our experiences connect us, and there are countless stories out there to inspire us if we set aside our judgment. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned from the sisterhood in your life? The biggest lesson learned from my sisterhood – your sisters are there to help you sharpen instincts and reinforce boundaries. Sisterhood means being transparent and brave enough to admit when you are afraid to be seen for who you are, on all levels. These are some of the countless lessons I have learned and continue to during this journey.

The show does a great job of showing the various types of men we encounter during the dating game. In a recent episode, your character, Sabrina, deals with the indecision of whether or not to commit to a man she has been dating for a short time. What advice can you give to readers who may be encountering a similar situation in their life? I find dating and love to be interesting topics. We would like to think that any of us are experts on the subject but it’s different for everyone. All we know is what makes us individually, feel good and that is what matters most. Attraction is an ever-evolving aspect of our lives, as is our capacity to make space for others through love and understanding. Stay open and have fun with the experience.

I was a late bloomer, who had a hard time finding my voice in relationships and life. It set me back years, I’ll never forget the feeling of coming to the realization that I had a right to be heard. This was life-changing, helping me come into my own. I was ready to accept the responsibility of what it meant to be an empowered woman. Once I began the journey, true freedom set in for me. Your character, Sabrina is slowly evolving, as she looks to figure out her wants and needs, as a woman. Can you recall, when you found your voice? How did the revelation change your life? I’m still finding my voice as a woman, every day. There are ” a lot of loud ass men out there trying to shut out women’s voices.” Many of the limitations imposed on women have to do with a man’s perspective. Men in society have been setting the rules and silencing us for centuries. I honor the ability to be open and receptive to a steady unfolding of the female voice, starting with my own. Every time I use my power as a woman, I have a revelation. I can and will change my life according to my vision.

AW likes to end interviews with a positive message. Please share a quote or mantra to inspire readers. What words do you lean on when experiencing inner struggles or indecision on something important in your life? “Progression, not perfection” because life is a perfect balance of moving forward by appreciating when we’re able to look back. Use your mind as a tool, not a trap. Leap and take risks you will be proud of.

The motivational speaker, Jim Rohn’s quote “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” came to mind while writing about the meaning of the women in our lives. I believe there is so much truth to his words. My girlfriends, have all let me borrow their superpowers at some point during our lives. I’ve benefited from their understanding, strength, kindness, sage advice, confidence, compassion, and non-judgmental attitudes. Having strong women around has inspired me in unimaginable ways.

The friendships in our lives help us push through to the other side of pain. Women find their voice at different times. Your girls come to the rescue while you are struggling to evolve. They help us find the courage to speak out when needed. We shouldn’t underestimate the power women have on each other. Leaning on female relationships is life-saving. It can provide comfort during confusing or difficult moments, as well as, joy. Having girlfriends to celebrate the wins together is just as important to highlight.

The personal exchange with Novi was a pleasure. She is lovely, and her friendly demeanor made it easy to write this uplifting interview. It’s encouraging to see how many women are willing to share their stories to educate or motivate others. AW appreciates the time and interest from Novi to lend a piece of her journey to our readers.

Check your local listings for Tyler Perry’s “Sistas” on BET. You can also follow on Instagram for updates on Novi and the cast.

Protected content.

Originally published in 2021.

Updated 2023. awakened-woman.com

 

Empowerment Series: Afro-Latina Actress, Writer, Filmmaker, and Podcast Host, Grasie Mercedes Shares “Grand Crew” with AW

Grasie Mercedes had a successful career as a fashion stylist and beauty blogger before moving on to be a Producer at MTV Networks. The work behind the scenes was only the beginning of her journey in the entertainment industry. The Writer, Filmmaker, and Actress is an uber-talented Afro-Latina with film credits that include A CoVid Love Story, Just the Two of Us, Postmate, and the web series, My Boyfriend. Most recently, she plays the character “Fay” on NBC’s Grand Crew. There is nothing she can’t do! In 2021, Grasie created the podcast, Not (Blank) Enough, where she and guests openly discuss the sometimes, sensitive topic.

AW had the opportunity to speak to Grasie about Grand Crew, not being (blank) enough, and becoming part of the change. Each of the interviews in the empowerment series is special. Every woman shares a unique story and with it brings her message of inspiration. I’m sure our conversation will resonate with readers, and help them connect with Grasie, as much as I did, that day.

For anyone not familiar with the show, can you share a bit about its premise and your character? Grand Crew is about six friends who are navigating life, love, relationships, and work, while regularly gathering for a “wine down” at their local bar, “Cru.”  Her character, Fay, is a recent transplant from New York City to Los Angeles. She is the fun one, gives really good advice, and is the voice of reason. The last few episodes reveal her interesting past. I’m enjoying playing the fun character. All our characters are fun! It is a total dream to play her and work on this show.

I love this show! My favorite episode of Grand Crew is “Wine & Headlines” which dealt with a bad news cycle.” The characters grapple with the world’s bad news. We all cope with pain differently. Ignore it, exercise our way out of it, wine out of it, etc. There are countless ways to numb ourselves. This episode hits some serious notes but does it in a savvy way that is appealing. What about this show appealed to you? Why do you think it was important to do it? First of all, the show’s creator, Phil Augusta Jackson, and Executive Producer Dan Gore, who created Brooklyn 99 are both smart, funny, amazing guys! Phil is a genius. I read the breakdown of Fay and instantly connected to her. I didn’t feel like I had to play a stereotypical black woman. It was refreshing to bring myself to the character and have fun with it. Our writing room is phenomenal and does such a great job keeping it light, and funny, but still touching on issues that people deal with every day. Issues that, we, as black people have to face each day. This episode was one of my favorites. It opened up a little differently, introducing poet Jay Ivy. He recited a poem that gave me chills. It was such a great way to open up Black History Month.

In this episode, your character, Fay, says”I go where life takes me, living in the moment.” Is that statement all Fay or is it also true for Grasie? Yes, it is also true for Grasie. I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. Also, if something makes you truly unhappy, then try to find happiness in something else. My mother worked her butt off to give me a good education. There is a privilege with that for sure. I grew up in a decent neighborhood, considering my mother had me as a teenager and we didn’t have any money. I had comfort, knowing my family had my back. I could try whatever I wanted but knew I had to work my butt off to make sure that I was the best at everything I did. Hustle, hustle, hustle. I went to school for journalism and tried to work for news media, it was too depressing, couldn’t do that every day. Getting to work at MTV Entertainment News was fun. It helped me get into production but I  always loved acting. 

Growing up in New York City, raised in a Dominican household, I did not see people who looked like me on television. My daughter is having a completely different experience. She sees Latinas that look like her on the big and small screen – in front and behind the camera. She is seeing herself in the Latina taking a seat in the Supreme Court, Congress, the White House, and Hollywood. How does it feel to be part of the change taking place with shows like Grand Crew and the films you are making? Hearing that touches my heart. I want to be part of the change. Having Afro-Latinas writing, directing producing, and being part of the change is incredible. Grand Crew has given me more of a platform. I loved the announcement when I was going to be on the show, it included that I was Dominican American. This gave Latino outlets the opportunity to share the beautiful news. Seeing my people support me on a Black show. This is not a Latino show but I am black and Latino and love the support! I hope we get a second season, and I can continue to create not only opportunities for myself but for others too!

Having a platform is a big responsibility. We have the power to do good or evil. You have used yours to spread awareness, give others a voice, and make the world better in a variety of ways. Your podcast, “Not (Blank) Enough” is incredibly powerful! Thank you for helping to normalize this feeling of “not enough.” I have experienced the same, like many others. My hair is not straight enough, I’m not pretty enough, not light skin enough, not successful enough. I’m not good enough to achieve the things, I want for myself. So many of us have felt that way at some point. I am always working on myself and shifting this mindset. What would be your response, if I asked you what is your “no (blank enough)?” There are so many! That is why I started the podcast. It was during deep CoVid and I was also developing a television show based on my life. As an Afro-Latina, never quite felt like I fit in. I was writing a pitch document and having Zoom meetings with producers. As I was telling my story, I thought it would be great to talk to other people about not feeling like they are enough. We did about 40 episodes and talked to incredible guests, who were so gracious and gave me their time. We spoke to people from all walks of life. It didn’t matter who it was, everyone experienced a feeling of “Not enough.” Today, I don’t feel Latina enough, don’t always feel black enough. As far as, Imposter Syndrome, I have felt like I’m not talented enough. I asked myself, “How did I get this show?”

We all have those feelings, it is one of the things that makes us universal and human. I think there are always going to be those feelings. Running, meditation, therapy, hanging out with friends, and talking to my mom are helpful. Having all these, plus self-help, and self-love practices brings me back to the moment. I can get out of my head, so I can have the ability to show up, perform, sit down, and write. You recognize the chatter in your head, telling you “I’m not good enough.” Silence it. We will always have that, it’s never going to go away. We just learn to deal with it in a productive way that allows us to continue to move forward in life.

I like to end AW interviews with a positive message, advice, or quote to inspire, empower and encourage. For anyone reading, who is feeling like they are not enough. What encouraging words can you share? You are enough. You might not feel like you are 100% but you have to believe that you are! I’ve been hearing a lot of stories of young people committing suicide. It makes me sad to know that people are in so much pain without knowing how much they are loved. There are outlets, people care more than you think and would be happy to be there for you. It’s hard knowing what to do when those thoughts come but understanding they are normal. No matter how pretty, successful, wealthy, or how perfect things look on social media, we all have these feelings.

Believing you are defective for any reason is a damaging lie. The feeling of “not enough” lives within all of us but manifests in different ways. Men and women who struggle with painful emotions think they are not deserving of good things. The rationale behind this sense of lack varies and can stem from one’s own critical inner voice, trauma, or living in a judgmental environment. We can be our worst enemy at times. Giving ourselves grace and learning self-love is a critical part of overcoming the battle of feeling like we are not enough.

If you are in a place of “not enough” own it. You are not alone, accept what you are feeling. Decide who you want to be, and how you want to live your life – don’t sell yourself short. Surrounding yourself with positive people who uplift and believe in you can be a helpful reminder of your greatness. Do not strive for perfection, just the best self you can be, that is enough. You are enough!

We are incredibly grateful to Grasie for sharing her vulnerability during our interview. We often try to create the perception of a perfect self. This fierce Afro-Latina is an example of the beauty there is in self-love and acceptance.

Check your listings to check out “Grand Crew” in your area. You can also stream it on Hulu and NBC’s Peacock. Meanwhile, the gifted actress is waiting to hear about another season of Grand Crew and writing shows, and working on a feature film.

You can watch the full interview with Grasie on the AW YouTube channel or listen to the AW Confidential Podcast found on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Anchor, and anywhere you find your podcasts. 

To find out more about Grasie, visit her on Twitter or Instagram, @grasiemercedes

This interview has been condensed for clarity.*

Protected content. Originally published 2022.

Updated 2023. awakened-woman.com

These 3 Things Can Make Her Susceptible to Being Unfaithful

It isn’t uncommon to hear of men who cheat. It’s almost as if it’s expected, at times making it feel like a forgivable offense. Whether or not the case for you, that is a very different conversation. But what do we think of women who do the same thing? Is she labeled “no-good” or worse? Is she judged differently because she is a female? Is one gender more likely than another to cheat on a boyfriend, husband, or partner?

According to a 2016 article in Scientific American, less than 10% of mammals model exclusive sexual relationships. This has been something studied for years which leads to the question, are human beings born to be monogamous?

The development of monogamy in primates came from a need for males to protect their male babies from groups looking to eliminate them; to procreate with the women. It’s estimated the practice began about 1,000 years ago, creating a new normal. Science Magazine highlights other hypotheses, as to why monogamy. It has proven to be an ongoing debate and an interesting one. Whatever, the reason for the establishment of monogamy. I tend to believe that the act of being monogamous in a relationship is a choice. Unless partners have alternate arrangements or decide to test the waters outside the boundaries of a committed relationship.

Generally, the perception is that men are the ones often committing indiscretions during the life of a relationship. However, as women’s roles evolve so does their thinking about many things including infidelity. Recent decades have shown an uptick in the rate of women admitting to cheating on their partners.

Everyone is aware of the fact that we have a tendency to conceal our true selves. We do it at work, at home, or socially. We wear different masks to be accepted or fit into some mold or other. Many people don’t openly divulge their deepest selves. Those intimate emotions and desires we hold dear deep down stay in our personal vault. Sharing unconventional thoughts that aren’t mainstream can create a backlash from society which can be incredibly overbearing. The majority of society goes with the norm. We fear humiliation or guilt if we don’t follow the standards set forth by society. Sometimes, it leads to suppressing our most innate needs to make sure boundaries are respected.

Women throughout history have been expected to act accordingly. We’re taught at a young age to adhere to the rules put in place years ago. Modern time has advanced some of the old-world mentality but we have a ways to go.

In recent years, women have increasingly admitted to cheating on their spouses or partners. Books are being published discussing the subject. Esther Perel’s “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity” is a New York Times bestseller. Women are less willing to accept the status quo instead of risking their security by cheating. Many are in search of a more satisfying relationship or use as a means to endure an unsatisfying home situation.

Relationships aren’t easy, certainly not the fantasy sold by Hallmark or Disney. Things can fizzle out or be slowed down by the dullness of routines and chores. Women can be challenged by all the roles played as partners to the men in our lives. The caretaker, cheerleader, teacher, nurse, lover, friend, cook, housekeeper and whatever he needs. It is assumed we will provide. We should also highlight, that we are human beings trying to cope with life’s situations as best possible. Women can find themselves vulnerable when their needs are not aligned with their mates. For generations prior, this would have been the cause for a dissolution of marriage. Today, some may not be completely against modern solutions such as an open relationship. Avoiding the disruption divorce causes. Instead, consider finding other ways to manage everyone’s unhappiness.

However, a kaleidoscope of factors and situations changes the scope for reasons of an affair. Conversations with females over the years have given me a view as to possible reasons for cheating.

Neglect: Priorities change over time. Careers, children, and social pressures can all take chunks of time from our relationships. We can be left feeling alone when burdened with responsibilities. This may cause some to experience insecurity if a partner is seemingly disinterested in what we do with our days to how we’re feeling. Women naturally want to feel wanted, needed, and desired.Boredom Leading to Seek an Outlet: The initial stages of meeting the object of our affection can be exhilarating. Usually, cats go into heat after 6 months of reaching sexual maturity. There are couples enjoying the tail end of their romantic climax around that time. Most human beings ignite furious fires during the beginning of courtship. Afterwards, things slow down. Hormones play a part in the process leaving some feeling disappointed. Reality sets in over time in all relationships. Cheating is one way of satisfying curiosity.  Stepping out of the humdrum of life for a blink. Risky yes – but there are people willing to run with it.Modern Last Option (Plan B):  The most interesting of modern marriages are family corporations. Couples have children investing time, energy, and finances into a life that may look like a storybook picture on the outside. The partners run an efficient ship but some drift away leaving a shell of a marriage. The spouses work well together as they raise their brood getting them through college.  Loyal to the family structure, however, not always as successful in the romance department. Despite the lack of intimacy with their husband or partner they refuse to give up “The House that Ruth Built.” Instead filling the gaps with a third party outside the marriage or relationship. This outsourcing of intimacy can fulfill her basic physical, and sometimes emotional needs.

There are those who show up every day for their loved ones. They put effort into the relationship without guarantees of what or if it will work. Inevitably, partners change over time as does the connection. Communication is key to ensuring partners are evaluating the marriage or partnership with eyes wide open. Individual choices are determined by each person’s unique situation. There should be no judge and jury. Different things work for different people.

Keep in mind, that we’re all human beings made of flesh and bones. Breathing the same air with similar innate desires that require satisfaction. Women are not the exception, and should not be put on a pedestal that demands perfection. It’s idealistic and unfair to set such expectations. We are no more or less human than any man.

We are strong beyond measure. There is no shame in asking for what we need from our partners. It is equally not necessary to apologize for creating your own happiness. The key to both is having conviction in what you want and then relaying it to your partner. Where the personal journey takes you as a couple should be decided within the privacy of your circle of love and friendship.

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