Yvette Bodden's Blog, page 7

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

You can’t help but notice him when he walks into a room. The attention he commands sucks up the energy in your space. Charming, personable, knowledgeable, or perceived to be the wiser. This person attracts the masses. The bigger the swarm, the stronger his superpowers. Often times you cannot ignore his magic. He captivates the interest of most women that cross his path. Have you met this man? Simply irresistible.

A narcissist isn’t necessarily the man who admires himself in a mirror all day. He thrives from outside admiration helping inflate the egotistical behavior. Adoration factors heavily into this personality’s mindset. They are often looking to be idolized as it fulfills their exaggerated sense of self-importance.

Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) is mostly found in males. NPD does not need invasive testing. It requires a medical diagnosis by a mental health professional. The condition can last years or a lifetime with no cure. People suffering from it are unlikely to seek help, therefore, it usually goes undiagnosed.  The nature of the illness is unknown, further mystifying those who deal with a partner who displays its symptoms.

Living a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally and mentally taxing. You may spend much of your time dealing with your lover’s insecurities. His efforts to portray the confidence of a lion will falter allowing you to see through his act, eventually. An urgent need for constant attention and reassurance will leave you with little energy for yourself. This personality has an ultra-high level of sensitivity to criticism, snapping at the smallest insinuation of being self-centered or behaving badly. He will strongly disagree if accused of selfish or manipulative conduct and often get their way. A combination of mind games can include guilt trips and treating you in a controlling manner to deliver the desired results – always in their favor.

The upkeep of this relationship will be a constant source of distress. Dating or living with someone who suffers from NPD is particularly challenging, as it causes confusion due to the struggles between his persistent need to be noticed and your lack of getting the attention necessary. These partners have a lack of empathy that can lead you to feel like your emotions don’t matter. It’s difficult to decipher whether or not you are receiving true love. This type of man has a tough time loving himself which makes it hard for him to know what it means to give good love. His desire to be validated or treasured is insatiable. It will exhaust you to the point of unhappiness.

If you are under the spell of this type of personality there are actions you can take to get control back. Give yourself a pause to evaluate not only his issues but yours, as well. It is helpful for women in these kinds of relationships to be willing to see how they are enabling a partner. Anyone can accidentally fall into the role of victim, submissive, or co-dependent when harboring feelings of not being enough. There is absolutely no shame in doing some internal work to figure out why you are allowing mistreatment. It is never okay, regardless of how much you love someone to let him hurt or make you feel less worthy.

You and your feelings are important. Rise to the greatest level of self-love by asking for respect as an equal in the relationship. If he cannot give it to you then he does not deserve you. Walk away with your head held high because he will never find another like you. Compassion starts with yourself, therefore, be kind to the woman in the mirror. Don’t back down from what you deserve.

Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: “A Million Little Things” “Jane the Virgin,” “Mrs. America,” “Law & Order,” “Guiding Light,” and “El Cantante” Actress, Andrea Navedo Shares Self-Love with AW

[image error]

Life is unpredictable. Oftentimes, it feels like a long movie, where you are the lead among a cast of characters that either support or antagonize the conflict of your story. My narrative is continuously evolving, people come in and out of my life to help me with the lessons. The beauty of this thing called life is that we never know who will enter our world and make an impact.

I attended John F. Kennedy High School in the city of New York. Our rival high school was Dewitt Clinton and their football team was ruthless. Those years were only a memory until recently when I sat down for a one-on-one lunch with Andrea Navedo. We met on a beautiful Autumn day for an interview but it turned out to be a walk down memory lane after the Bronx native revealed that she attended the school of our fiercest opponent – Clinton High School! It was a meeting of two Latinas from the “Big Apple” who took very different career paths but deep down we’re not so different. We are women who have endured hardship, evolved, and learned countless lessons on our journey to finding self-love.

Many women have struggled with self-love at some point in their lives, the present company included. I am an optimist and a fighter but I did not embrace my power until the fourth decade of life. Stepping into my potential did not come easily but once it did, I held on to it for dear life! When did you find your strength, as a woman and really step into your power? There wasn’t a defining moment for me. I stepped into my power, little by little. I was bullied in middle school, and sticking up for myself was one of my first moves. In high school, I had a boyfriend who was abusive. During one argument, he antagonized me, triggering a fire in my belly! Knew that I deserved better, I fought back that day. We fought and I broke up with him.  The decision encouraged me, and I gradually gained control, gradually. Later on in life, the decision to seek therapy was useful in dealing with things that took place during my childhood, further empowering me. The decision to end a 20-year marriage was the hardest thing I’ve done in life. It has been a long journey but the driving force? My soul knew better. I fought back each time, I heard the little voice inside me say “You are not enough.” The power came in increments, becoming stronger, as I made decisions that were in my best interest.

Women juggle multiple roles, mothers, wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers, daughters, and careers. We try to be everything to everyone. There is pressure to do it all. It is unrealistic to think that we won’t make mistakes. I have my share of blunders but I have grown and learned from them. What has been your biggest lesson in self-love? Divorce has been my biggest lesson. Understanding that I deserve love has been life-changing. It is up to me to make that happen but no one else can give me that love, it’s inside of me. I truly thought that having a life of a “celebrity,” being a lead actress on a series like “Jane the Virgin” would complete my life. At the end of the day, it was not fulfilling in the way I hoped, not really. My marriage was killing me emotionally. I wanted my children to live with two parents in a conventional home but it would not have been a healthy choice for anyone. Loving myself had to come first to be able to provide them with a good life.

Years of work have helped me with self-acceptance but it is constant practice. I’ve learned to be good to myself and understand that I deserve self-care and attention. How do you show yourself love, care, and attention? I show myself love by being honest about myself and my feelings. Telling myself the truth is pivotal in my life. I know when I am not being good to myself. When I am truthful, the light shines through the darkness. Allowing myself the chance to be vulnerable, and talking about my dark thoughts is important, too. If I don’t express myself, it makes me unhappy. Letting it out constructively is an act of self-love. Therapy helps, doing the things that I am afraid of also encourages me. Having a partner who treats me well and upholds the agreements I have with him and respects mine is another way, I self-nurture.

AW likes to end interviews with a message, mantra, quote, advice, or words of inspiration. What would you like to share with our readers to encourage them to seek and protect self-love?  It’s like Glenda, the good witch who tells Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, “You’ve had the power all along.” Choose for yourself, don’t allow anyone else to disrespect you. Make choices that honor your highest and best self. Do not be the victim in the story. Take the reigns of your life, there is incredible power in staying true to yourself.

Words can’t express my gratitude to Andrea for taking the time to do our interview. Her genuine and frank words are appreciated and helped immensely on that day. As women, many of us put others at the helm of our lives, it often creates an existence that mostly meets the world’s expectations. Putting yourself first, and giving yourself what you need to be happy is not selfish. The act of self-love can help you act in alignment with your soul. Learning to love yourself is critical, as you build the foundation for an authentic life.

This interview has been condensed for clarity.*

Protected content. Updated 2023. awakened-woman.com

*Original publication 2021

5 Things Men Need to Know but Women Don’t Tell Them

Women are keepers of all kinds of secrets. There is a vault of emotions kept close to the vest helping ensure our microcosms stay intact. Unhappiness, pain, frustration, fear, insecurity, and suffering all simmer beneath the delicate feminine quilt upheld for appearances. Preserving the gracious silence to avoid rocking life’s boat is our specialty.

Plenty of women live day to day carrying the weight of a home. Caring for a tribe can be physically and emotionally challenging. Numbing your dreams and goals to prioritize a home, partner, and family is a duty fulfilled for the sake of love. It is not only the expectation of what should be done. Women are trained for the role from a young age.

Often, the self-neglect that forms is mind-boggling. You can feel yourself sinking into nothingness, so much that you don’t recognize who you are anymore. You cannot find your voice, nor does he desire to hear you out sometimes. Husband, boyfriend, fiancee, or significant other left clueless about the reservations their partner may hold. The thing that many men don’t get is, that what women want most in return for love’s sacrifice is to be seen and heard.

Relationships require an ongoing effort from each partner. Ideally, an exchange of needs and wants should be shared between you. However, it doesn’t always work out that way but there is room for improvement. AW does not speak for all women. The thoughts expressed are from personal experience as a female who has played the part of girlfriend, fiancee, and wife at various points in life. One of the lessons learned which I try to remember is that men, neither own a crystal ball nor are intuitive by nature. From time to time they need a little assistance to understand a few things.

Guys, if you happen to be reading, we want you to know:

1. Chivalry is Appreciated: It would be nice if you held the door, pulled a chair, or said something nice as a way of letting us know how you feel. Make us feel special, we are sure to do the same for you every chance we get.

2. Listen:  We know men can get lost in the details. Rambling off a story or problem at 50 words per minute is inefficient. First, you tend to only hear what you want. Second, your short attention span forces the mind to wander after minutes.

Ladies, my suggestion to help men listen better? Let’s use the pause button to assist the process. Steer clear of emotional and intense rants, they are rational beings who don’t answer well to hysteria. Think and gather what you need to say in advance to give you the best chance to be heard. It is not 100% effective but maybe we can try doing things differently to see if it works better.

3. Our Dreams Matter Too: We love supporting our men and their vision but our dreams are just as important. If we’re more fulfilled as individuals then we are more likely to feel happier. Have you heard “A happy wife is a happy life”? The statement applies to various scenarios. Do you get the drift? Women have their own thoughts and goals and want to be recognized as people, too.

4. Women Don’t Have an On/Off Switch: Women are perceived to be more emotional than men. Plenty of affection and attention in preparation to embrace an intimate moment. Do not mistake us for machines or robots that can start and stop on a whim. We don’t really function that way.

5. Women are Not Pseudo-Moms: We are not your mothers or caretakers, look at us as partners in life. Walking alongside you is our preference, equally invested in the relationship. Women did not come this far to follow footsteps behind a man, as it would set us back decades.

Ladies, if you have not already done so, find the inner confidence to tell your men what they need to hear. You have a responsibility to express yourself. Share thoughts in a timely and constructive manner to assist your mate in better understanding your needs. Hopefully, it brings a higher level of closeness to the relationship.

“Protected content. 2023 awakened-women.com”

3 Ways to Help You Get Unstuck or Break Toxic Patterns

Life offers countless lessons that often make us uncomfortable. Discomfort arises when we shift from a familiar territory into the unknown. There is usually some sort of pain or loss associated that makes it difficult to break patterns. No matter how many times we go through the cycle, growing pains are never easy. I believe that we all have patterns and tend to gravitate towards behavior that feels comfortable. It’s a trap that men and women fall into, frequently. Habits are hard to break, as they say.

By nature, women tend to be caretakers and nurturers in relationships. As givers, we relinquish our energy, time, love, and attention to loved ones. Plenty of us have surrendered everything until there is nothing left. Eventually, it can lead to crashing into a painful wall. The lesson in this head-to-head collision? Make room for the woman. Prioritize your needs. Don’t leave yourself behind because you can’t be loved the way you deserve without first loving yourself.

I struggle with my patterns as do many of you. Choosing to share my challenges is one way of holding myself accountable. It keeps me on my toes. My tendency in relationships is to overextend myself, at times. I give, give, and give until there is nothing left for myself. The behavior is well-ingrained in my character. People pleasers often don’t want to disappoint. Guilty as charged. Something, I constantly deal with but bringing awareness to the problem is helpful to manage the behavior, most of the time.

If you’re battling with a pattern in your life that does not serve you, don’t despair. You’ve already taken the first important step – acknowledging there is an issue. Our brain has the ability to recognize and change them. Despite the gravitational force to go with something that may not necessarily be good for you, choose a healthier alternative.

I’ve been working on things to help me get myself unstuck. Fortunately, it’s easier nowadays because I recognize the unraveling of toxicity. This gives me a chance to break the pattern before going on a full spin cycle.

Awareness is crucial. Being conscious of our patterns helps us make improved choices. Remain in the present instead of pondering on what you have done in the past. Don’t look back when there is so much to look forward to in the future. Pay attention to your actions, decisions, and triggers. Study it. Be honest and open to the truths you see. Love yourself no matter what you find because these are all parts of you.Trust your inner voice. Intuition should not be undermined. You can leave a window open for people you trust to help see what you can’t. But listen to the voice within. It tells us when you are headed for trouble. The red flags will show themselves but you have to keep your your eyes and ears open.Be the woman you envision. What life do you want for yourself? You deserve a good one that brings to fruition all the dreams you’ve been creating in your journal or in the corners of your mind. Believe that you can have greatness, so you can behave in a way that opens you up to the amazing life that is to come for you.

I’m on this amazing journey to fortify my inner self. The expectation is to become the woman I was meant to be. The path is never simple, challenges will present themselves. Despite the problems, my absolute truth is that I will come out on the other side, a stronger, wiser, and improved me! I am a work in progress and will continue to do the work, one step at a time.

Do you know what your patterns are? 

“Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com”

 

Why Buy the Cow, If the Milk is Free?

“Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”

Growing up in a Dominican household can be tough. The men leaned towards a male chauvinistic, old-school mentality. Women were assumed better off barefoot and pregnant. Thankfully, those days are long gone. At home, we had sporadic moments when roles were reversed, for example, seeing mom attend night school. Although her adventure was short-lived, it provided a vision of what was possible before guilt tricked her into dropping classes at the nearby college. A mother’s desire to care for her tribe has unforeseen strength. The 70s had not quite caught up to a different type of woman.

Despite the glimpse of modern living, my mother carried some of her own old-world thoughts which she eventually shared. During my early dating years, my mom’s initial advice reflected some of these archaic views. Once, I got old enough to think about love and long-term relationships are when things got challenging. Defining the woman I wanted to be versus who I was supposed to boggle my mind. Last week in conversation, a particular piece of wisdom mom offered at youth came to mind. I was reminded of the topic during the particular chat.

Our daily verbal exchanges with co-workers, friends, or people we see on a regular basis provide a wide spectrum of views. The probability of disagreeing with one or more of those people is almost certain, no matter where you are in the world. There are opinions, a dime a dozen but the most important is yours.

Nothing about my tale is uncommon, surely you have a few stories of your own. Ever had a moment where something in your brain clicked? In friendly conversation, while sharing anecdotes, a man in my presence uttered an old adage. It’s an idiom that has consistently irritated me through the years due to its antiquated message, ”Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”

It’s likely you have heard the phrase at some point in your life. It refers to the idea that a man doesn’t need to wed if he’s already receiving the benefits of a husband without actually marrying. Ever felt yourself getting comfortable in a relationship while performing the duties of a pseudo-wife? Do you think doing the job eliminates or diminishes your chances of him proposing? The vote may be split, however, on a personal level, I refuse to believe that mom’s reservations about pre-marital relations and living together have merit in current-day society. Women have come too far to be brainwashed into thinking they are less worthy if they choose to take part in an adult emotional and physical relationship.

Men and women don’t always know what they’re looking for in a partner but usually, there is a sense of whether or not they want to enter a legally binding commitment with that person. There are people with a natural desire to find a partner to share life and build something together. A man who believes in marriage and has a strong conviction in his love will be indifferent to the “milk” he is getting from you while dating or residing under the same roof.  As an empowered and powerful woman, never be afraid of being yourself. If he does not marry you it isn’t necessarily because you are doing something wrong. Men tell you what they want, we sometimes block out what we don’t want to hear. Chances are he has expressed a lack of desire for marriage at some point in the relationship.

We should own who we are and live out a life that is true to the things we hold dear, such as love, respect, and trust not only for someone else but for ourselves, too. My mother’s ways of thinking have evolved but not everyone will have the same growth. As long as you do not place your value in anyone else’s hands and make the best choices for yourself, the cow will never be free!

Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com

Can You Have the Best of Both Worlds in this Relationship?

During the initial stages of love, we want to spend every moment with the object of our affection. The intoxication of love overwhelms the senses. Calls, texts, and numerous dates leave us looking forward to that next time. The banter and fireworks can last months or years.

Once the first stages pass, the couple’s comfort level rises, often providing a moderate level of security. As a relationship evolves, the need to have constant closeness slightly diminishes. If you enter a commitment of marriage or cohabitation it further removes the urgency of seeing each other all the time. You trust that your partner will return home at the end of each day. Expectations of living under a single roof are common as you build a family and life together. This is the evolution of the relationship we have come to know, as traditional. But what happens when couples decide to live in separate residences? Do you wonder what is the reasoning? Why make such an unconventional move?

In recent years, I’ve met more than a handful of married and unmarried couples who have made a conscious decision to remain committed by living apart together (LAT). The agreement is increasingly popular as women focus more on their careers and themselves. Two people can love and be dedicated to each other without residing in the same home 100% of the time. The choice can derive from a desire to live different lifestyles or simply an inability to share space. The older we get, the more set in our ways we’re likely to become. Nowadays, living apart suits plenty of folks. It is not uncommon to see them stay in separate homes part-time and be perfectly happy together. In recent years, the younger generation seems to be catching on to the modern alternative.

The success of this type of agreement comes down to trust, communication, and commitment to each other. Personal experience has helped me understand the reasons why people might not completely rule it out. The traditional setting forces couples to assimilate or conform to a single space. Whether you like it or not, your partner is a package deal. You cannot change the essence of a person. Therefore, you are usually left to compromise more than your share.

Cohabitating means making adjustments which at times can be frustrating to either or both parties. Your adoration is not enough to eliminate personality quirks and annoying habits that bring conflict into a living situation. These scenarios may create resentment which turns into bickering over time. What does love have to do with it? Nothing! There are wonderful people who just need to have their own space. When you shack up, you are constantly in one another’s face. You get accustomed to having that person around. It’s natural to take him for granted. We are human, easily slipping into the daily monotony. We can innocently disregard how precious it is, the blessing of having this one special person there with you through and through, playing witness to your journey. We all get comfortable in old shoes, no?

I have been part of traditional and LAT relationships. Each one has its benefits and setbacks. Is one better than the other? No. They are just different and you should decide what works for you. I’ve had the most success with my LAT relationship by accepting the challenges unique to this type of arrangement.

The relationship encounters some of the same issues as any other, except we have to work harder at communicating. When you don’t see your partner every day, it can seem as if the distance drives a wedge. On the flip side, there are lots of things to talk about when you finally reunite. Kind gestures are included often to demonstrate time away has made the heart grow fonder. Greater interest in hearing about each other’s days is evident. It keeps things interesting and engaging both because you feel you missed so much already. These positive aspects can make LAT appealing to couples. However, issues also arise to make things especially difficult for you and your beau.

There are definitely downsides to this arrangement. Some people require emotional reinforcement, tough to provide if a couple is living apart. Timing is not always conducive to getting all needs fulfilled at the moment required.  The other point to take into consideration? The stigma attached to this type of coupling can be mentally challenging at times. A certain level of judgment comes with living life outside the boundaries set by society. The mainstream way is perceived as the ”right” way of doing things. But I’m learning that everyone has a different normal. If you do what makes you happy and is best for you, it’s good enough. No one can live your life.

If the best of both worlds means getting what you need from your partner without compromising your desires or giving up your identity then living apart together (LAT) can possibly offer a 2-for-1 deal. However, often times you may question everything you’ve learned up to this point. That is okay. We are conditioned to preserve a heritage. Breaking tradition puts pressure on you to make others comfortable but it is not your job to make others understand. Envision the life you want then set the rules that apply to you. It’s hard to do one thing when everyone else is doing something else. It won’t be easy but you’ve got this! Just make sure it’s what you want – then go for it!

”Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com”

Photograph by The ABView Photography.

5 Things Men Need to Know but Women Don’t Tell Them

Women are keepers of all kinds of secrets. There is a vault of emotions kept close to the vest helping ensure our microcosms stay intact. Unhappiness, pain, frustration, fear, insecurity, and suffering all simmer beneath the delicate feminine quilt upheld for appearances. Preserving the gracious silence to avoid rocking life’s boat is our specialty.

Plenty of women live day to day carrying the weight of a home. Caring for a tribe can be physically and emotionally challenging. Numbing your dreams and goals to prioritize a home, partner, and family is a duty fulfilled for the sake of love. It is not only the expectation of what should be done. Women are trained for the role from a young age.

Often, the self-neglect that forms is mind-boggling. You can feel yourself sinking into nothingness, so much that you don’t recognize who you are anymore. You cannot find your voice, nor does he desire to hear you out sometimes. Husband, boyfriend, fiancee, or significant other left clueless about the reservations their partner may hold. The thing that many men don’t get is, that what women want most in return for love’s sacrifice is to be seen and heard.

Relationships require an ongoing effort from each partner. Ideally, an exchange of needs and wants should be shared between you. However, it doesn’t always work out that way but there is room for improvement. AW does not speak for all women. The thoughts expressed are from personal experience as a female who has played the part of girlfriend, fiancee, and wife at various points in life. One of the lessons learned which I try to remember is that men, neither own a crystal ball nor are intuitive by nature. From time to time they need a little assistance to understand a few things.

Guys, if you happen to be reading, we want you to know:

1. Chivalry is Appreciated: It would be nice if you held the door, pulled a chair, or said something nice as a way of letting us know how you feel. Make us feel special, we are sure to do the same for you every chance we get.

2. Listen:  We know men can get lost in the details. Rambling off a story or problem at 50 words per minute is inefficient. First, you tend to only hear what you want. Second, your short attention span forces the mind to wander after minutes.

Ladies, my suggestion to help men listen better? Let’s use the pause button to assist the process. Steer clear of emotional and intense rants, they are rational beings who don’t answer well to hysteria. Think and gather what you need to say in advance to give you the best chance to be heard. It is not 100% effective but maybe we can try doing things differently to see if it works better.

3. Our Dreams Matter Too: We love supporting our men and their vision but our dreams are just as important. If we’re more fulfilled as individuals then we are more likely to feel happier. Have you heard “A happy wife is a happy life”? The statement applies to various scenarios. Do you get the drift? Women have their own thoughts and goals and want to be recognized as people, too.

4. Women Don’t Have an On/Off Switch: Women are perceived to be more emotional than men. Plenty of affection and attention in preparation to embrace an intimate moment. Do not mistake us for machines or robots that can start and stop on a whim. We don’t really function that way.

5. Women are Not Pseudo-Moms: We are not your mothers or caretakers, look at us as partners in life. Walking alongside you is our preference, equally invested in the relationship. Women did not come this far to follow footsteps behind a man, as it would set us back decades.

Ladies, if you have not already done so, find the inner confidence to tell your men what they need to hear. You have a responsibility to express yourself. Share thoughts in a timely and constructive manner to assist your mate in better understanding your needs. Hopefully, it brings a higher level of closeness to the relationship.

“Protected content. 2023 awakened-women.com”

Empowerment Series: CEO and Founder of Golden Dream Beauty and Beauty Influencer, Ydelays Rodriguez Shares her American Dream with AW

[image error]

According to a Nielsen report, our beauty and personal care industry grew to $25 billion in the second quarter of 2023 with no signs of slowing down and neither did Ydelays Rodriguez, the CEO and Founder of Golden Dream Beauty. The Venezuelan Influencer has connected with fans, growing her community to 1 million subscribers. The mom and entrepreneur’s YouTube channel has surpassed 60 million views, reflecting the power of her content.

This Latina beauty has been seen in Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, Refinery 29, Buzzfeed, POPSUGAR, Despierta America, and Hip Latina. The road to success has not been easy but she takes it all in stride while enjoying the learning process of growing her brand. She loves her work and remains passionate about leaving a footprint in the beauty industry and the world.  Her website’s message is “Golden Dream Beauty is My American Dream,” and she has taken her dream from a vision to reality.

AW sat with the dynamo for an interview, where we talked about the journey to creating a brand, the lessons, fears, incorporating her son into her routine, and how she made it all come to life.

You were born and raised in Venezuela then moved to the US in 2012.  You started a YouTube channel to stay in touch with family back home. Afterward, you decide to pivot into sharing beauty tips. Now your videos are seen by millions! You have built a community of over 1 million followers in 10 years. Congratulations! How did you go from having a vision to creating your product? Can you share a bit about how that unfolded? The first time I visited Sephora, it was inspiring to see so many products. During the time I lived in Venezuela, the beauty section was quite limited. From a young age, I felt passionate about beauty but I never saw founders or people who looked like me in the marketing campaigns. It was frustrating because I did not want to look like anyone else. I’ve always been proud of my skin, and curves. All these things got me thinking about creating Golden Dream Beauty. I knew that I wanted to build a space where people could feel seen and represented.

I didn’t speak English when I first arrived in the US. If you watch my early YouTube videos, you will notice, they’re done in Spanish. I worked retail jobs to practice my English and learn how to be a good salesperson.  I wanted to incorporate passion and a solid strategy into my business. It was a big challenge but I love to learn and felt that I was for the task.

The American Dream is elusive to many, it is a long and difficult road. As a small business owner and Latina Founder, what has been the biggest hurdle and hardest lesson to learn, thus far? The hardest lesson to learn was not to stop when doors closed or I heard the word “No.” In the beginning, my thought was”People are going to love the product and say, Yes!” Then, I’d get a”No” and think, what do I do now? So, for me being able to learn acceptance, move forward after rejection, and become stronger and more prepared was life-changing. It has given me the ability to open the doors that I’ve wanted to enter. There were times I needed to redirect, and ask myself”Do I want this or should I take a different route?” It was hard, like all dreamers, you want things to happen the first time. We want it fast, right now but it’s not the way to build a successful business. We are seeing a lot of viral moments on TikTok and other platforms which could offer an amazing boost for sales. However, when you create something with the mentality to be sustainable for a long time, it can be a better way to create a good business or dream.

I love your product, Dream on Mascara! I’ve been trying to use more vegan products, when possible. I read you traveled to Milan with your entire life savings to get this creation off the ground. You took a significant risk! Can you share where your head was during this time? How did you come to your decision? In 2019, I invested all my savings for the first launch then during the pandemic, I developed the mascara. It took me about 2.5 years to come out with everything you are seeing and the products we just launched.  In 2023, I went to Milan to make sure everything was being done, right. Also, as a business owner, I wanted to give transparency. It was important for everyone to feel like they were there with me and be part of the process. Meeting the chemist, who is packing the orders, seeing people behind the scenes doing the work, and learning more were also, key.

I had the pleasure of meeting those working on the product. Our chemist expressed it was the best mascara, she created in her career. It took a long long to make a product that was clean and vegan. It is challenging to find the synthetic products that are also good for you. We don’t want to replace anything with something toxic, a better option is needed and that can get expensive. We want everything that we put on our face and body to be the best quality possible.

It was tough to invest all my savings into my dream but if you don’t believe in yourself, how do you expect others to believe in it? It starts with you. No one is going to come and change your life. You must get up first and try. Doors will open and you will learn so much. All entrepreneurs have a little crazy inside of us. Your idea may or may not work but you are doing it. It’s possible to grow, bet on yourself!

You bet on yourself, taking a chance on this dream. It takes guts to go out on your own. AW has claimed this year as Bigger, Better, Bolder! You are a mom, making moves and I know the journey comes with fears, insecurities, and sometimes doubt and guilt creeps in. What do you do to manage those monsters that we call to have, especially as moms? I make my son part of my routine. For example, if I have to pack orders, I sit him with me to learn about what I do and be proud of it. He enjoys it when we take orders to the post office and knows the name of the company and what we sell and do. As moms, we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves. I love to focus on one thing at a time. For example, when I am spending quality time with him, there is nothing else. The goal is to separate things. If I feel like I can connect with him on a deeper level every day, make sure he is okay and he understands that I love him then I’m being a good mom.

AW likes to end interviews with a quote, mantra, or piece of advice. For anyone working on their American dream, Latinos fighting to make their footprint in the world. What advice can you share to inspire them to keep going? First, know when to ask for help. Our community is not used to asking for help. We try to put so much on my shoulders. It is something that I learned as recently, as this year. Surround yourself with people that believe in you. Don’t listen to the negative voices, continue to follow your passion. Do what you love and do not give up! Things stop happening the moment you give up.

AW is grateful to Ydelays for sharing her inspiring story with us. We need to have dreams, something to look forward to in life. However, it is not enough to think about the things we want to bring to fruition. Action is the best way to get to achieving dreams but even before all the pieces fall into place. You need a vision of what it is you want.

I am not exactly where I’d like to be, not yet. As an entrepreneur, there are plenty of days that I experience defeat but it only lasts a short while. The purpose is stronger than the wreck. Long ago, I dreamt about this exact moment. So, although, I have not accomplished everything, yet, some of the items on my wish list have materialized. A dream is only as good as its’ creator. Stick to yours, have patience, and believe that you are bigger than any doubts that present themselves.

Ydelays is proof of what is possible in this country. Determination has kept the ship on course and the conviction of her potential made it so that she does not stray too far from the wish planted in her heart to realize her American dream. Now, it is your turn!

Follow Golden Dream Beauty and Ydelays on Instagram, YouTube, and all her socials.

Listen to the AW Confidential Podcast on all streaming services. You can also watch this Confidential YouTube to enjoy all the side chats during the interview.

*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com

Empowerment Series: Latina Actress from “Freedom Writers,” “Persons of Interest,” “Dexter,” Author, Speaker, and Creative Director at Lionchaser Media, April Hernandez-Castillo Shares Generational Trauma with AW

The goal of this platform has been to blow the doors off topics that for decades have been taboo, ignored, or shameful in some way. Generational trauma can be a bad word in the Latino community. The cycle of trauma is passed down across generations and impacts families physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. It is important to understand that trauma can stem from biological or learned behaviors and can happen to an individual or group of people.  

The most commonly known generational trauma derives from abuse, such as domestic violence, and physical, emotional, or sexual abuse but there are others. Substance abuse, depression, poverty, genocide, emotional numbness, slavery, war, natural disasters, and even difficulty trusting others. We may not necessarily pass on the traumatic experience but can transmit the anxiety to our younger generations, as early as, in utero.

Like many of us, April Hernandez-Castillo has lived through generational trauma and has broken the cycle. The Actress, Author, Speaker, and Creative Director at Lionchaser Media is best known for her performance in the film “Freedom Writers” starring Hillary Swank. In it, she plays Eva in the convincing role of a tough Latina gang member. Her career was just taking off but behind the scenes in her real life, April was secretly dealing with a tumultuous past.

The Latina grew up in the mean streets of The Bronx in New York City. She was a witness to the crack epidemic era that was ravaging the neighborhood at the time. Her struggles began at home with a mother who had her trauma, while April was in a relationship with an abusive boyfriend. It was a lot for a teenager to handle, to say the least. But her story is one of resilience and forgiveness. She shared a piece of her journey with AW and how she went from trauma to strength. 

The term “generational trauma” is showing up more often these days. Where did your journey begin? Can you share how you came to your realization? Did you see the patterns and how did you finally get unstuck? I grew up in the Bronx during the early 1980s and beginning 1990s during the war against crack. The slogan “Crack is wack” came from the epidemic that was being fought. I remember watching the film, New Jack City and thinking, “Wow, I am growing up in a neighborhood that looks like that!” Washington Heights was hit hard, as was The Bronx. Sadly, it’s still a dangerous place today. I was raised in a loving home and did not see abuse between my parents. My mom played more of the aggressive role but I did not understand her story until I was much older. Now, I can see the mental and emotional abuse that resulted from that situation, it took a lot of self-work. Unfortunately, between the ages of 16 to almost 20 years old, I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Eventually, things led to him almost taking my life and forcing me to escape. At one point, I wanted to take my own life then became pregnant and had an abortion. There was so much happening that I didn’t understand. You don’t realize how much of that trauma you carry on into your adult life. The way it affects your decisions, professional environment, and intimate relationships. My family and friends had no idea. The only person who knew is my now-husband. It wasn’t until I did “Freedom Writers” in 2007 that I began speaking out.  I finally grasped my story then decided to make a change to leave a very toxic relationship. I would not allow that moment to define me. 

Abuse looks different for everyone. No one wants to be abused. When you find yourself in that deep web, sometimes, you don’t realize that you are in an abusive relationship. As women, we prioritize empathy for others more than ourselves. In the Latino culture, we have a hard time putting ourselves first. I knew that I had to walk away from the relationship, as soon as I had thoughts to kill myself. The idea of suicide was not something we talked about because there were plenty of ways to hide from the pain.  

Some signs and symptoms of emotional trauma include anxiety, detachment, lack of self-worth, poor life skills, social isolation, negative thoughts, and general disinterest. Did you notice any of these behaviors and if so, how did you cope? What were some red flags that kept coming up, telling you something was not right? Your gut tells you when something is not right. But, if you come from a family where you have never seen a healthy relationship then where is your point of reference? We all have that animal instinct that tells us when something doesn’t feel good. When your partner is hitting you that is a hard sign. How about when it isn’t physical abuse, and it’s verbal or emotional? When a partner talks down to you, humiliates you, and gaslights you (psychological manipulation). You begin to shift from who you are or let them use their power to instill fear in you, those are all signs of trouble.

Acknowledging and freeing ourselves from trauma takes a lot of internal work. It’s never easy to talk about it and you wrote a whole book to share it with the world. Why did you feel it was important to do this? When you survive something and have been able to heal, be successful, find love, and forgive yourself then it is a gift from God. Healing is possible and you are worthy of it. I have spoken on many stages and many women with trauma who cannot speak on it. Healing can be a lifelong journey. I wrote the book for the little girl and teenager in me who did not have this type of book growing up, the woman who is secretly ashamed and can’t move past it. She feels unworthy, and the man wonders how can he be a better husband and father. He does not want to repeat a cycle of abuse. The book offers insight into how abuse truly affects us as human beings. Stories impact lives, it’s the reason we do what we do.

Write your story, even if no one ever sees it.  It doesn’t matter, no one’s going to judge your words. Doesn’t matter if no one reads it but you deserve to express your pain and what you are going through because your words matter.

You have written a book and it is all out there to see. How do you deal with your children knowing about your trauma? I can’t wait for my daughters to read the book. Certain chapters she can read now at 10. In other sections, she can read when older because there are things she can process better. I wrote this book during the height of the pandemic. It has been amazing for my daughters to see me writing. She saw me cry at times and encouraged me. I let her empower me and pray for me. It’s something my mom never allowed me to do for her. These are all the ways we have been breaking the cycle because my mom was an alpha. I always say, my dad taught me how to love and my mom taught me how to fight. 

Everyone needs support, there is always some sort of baggage to deal with in life. The topic of generational trauma is complicated and we are complex beings. What resources did you use to unfold the trauma that was left behind? Before I began speaking, I needed to understand domestic violence and intimate partner violence. I took classes with an organization called Connect Institute in New York. They have been mentors, showing me why it happens, and as a speaker, it is important for me to be responsible and know how to speak to men and women who are trying to improve their lives. My team also includes a therapist. 

At the end of our interviews, we like to share a piece of advice, mantra, or quote to help our community work to be better selves. For anyone trying to navigate generational trauma and looking to break the cycle. What words can you offer to help them get started today? Everything begins with one step. Stop faking it to make it because that won’t bring you anything but more pain. Life is overwhelming but when you make the choice to live a life that is fulfilling and filled with purpose, everything changes. You need to make the decision, whatever that is for you. 

AW is incredibly grateful to April for allowing herself to be vulnerable with our community. We feel less alone when someone else shares their story. Each time we tell our experience, there is the possibility to impact lives. It is one of the best ways to inspire change.

For too long, generational trauma has been the skeleton in the closet that everyone wanted to hide. It is time to let go of the shame connected to our past. You are the key to breaking the cycle. Acknowledging family history and making an effort to understand the events that took place is a good starting point. It’s scary to have difficult conversations but necessary. Seeking a mental health professional to help work through things is encouraged, as you move forward with healing. You will be better for it, and so will your children, if there are any.  

We hope that April’s story opens the door for anyone processing trauma. Give yourself grace and be patient with your feelings. You are entitled to feel what you feel. Recovery time is different for everyone. One thing is for sure, it requires years of internal work, and like she said, “It starts with one step.”

To learn more about April, visit her Instagram@Aprilhernandez, and LinkedIn@April Hernandez or her website. Her book “Embracing Me” is available on Amazon.

Listen to the AW Confidential Podcast on all streaming services. You can also watch this episode AW Confidential YouTube to enjoy all the side chats during the interview.

*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com

3 Ways to Help You Get Unstuck or Break Toxic Patterns

Life offers countless lessons that often make us uncomfortable. Discomfort arises when we shift from a familiar territory into the unknown. There is usually some sort of pain or loss associated that makes it difficult to break patterns. No matter how many times we go through the cycle, growing pains are never easy. I believe that we all have patterns and tend to gravitate towards behavior that feels comfortable. It’s a trap that men and women fall into, frequently. Habits are hard to break, as they say.

By nature, women tend to be caretakers and nurturers in relationships. As givers, we relinquish our energy, time, love, and attention to loved ones. Plenty of us have surrendered everything until there is nothing left. Eventually, it can lead to crashing into a painful wall. The lesson in this head-to-head collision? Make room for the woman. Prioritize your needs. Don’t leave yourself behind because you can’t be loved the way you deserve without first loving yourself.

I struggle with my patterns as do many of you. Choosing to share my challenges is one way of holding myself accountable. It keeps me on my toes. My tendency in relationships is to overextend myself, at times. I give, give, and give until there is nothing left for myself. The behavior is well-ingrained in my character. People pleasers often don’t want to disappoint. Guilty as charged. Something, I constantly deal with but bringing awareness to the problem is helpful to manage the behavior, most of the time.

If you’re battling with a pattern in your life that does not serve you, don’t despair. You’ve already taken the first important step – acknowledging there is an issue. Our brain has the ability to recognize and change them. Despite the gravitational force to go with something that may not necessarily be good for you, choose a healthier alternative.

I’ve been working on things to help me get myself unstuck. Fortunately, it’s easier nowadays because I recognize the unraveling of toxicity. This gives me a chance to break the pattern before going on a full spin cycle.

Awareness is crucial. Being conscious of our patterns helps us make improved choices. Remain in the present instead of pondering on what you have done in the past. Don’t look back when there is so much to look forward to in the future. Pay attention to your actions, decisions, and triggers. Study it. Be honest and open to the truths you see. Love yourself no matter what you find because these are all parts of you.Trust your inner voice. Intuition should not be undermined. You can leave a window open for people you trust to help see what you can’t. But listen to the voice within. It tells us when you are headed for trouble. The red flags will show themselves but you have to keep your your eyes and ears open.Be the woman you envision. What life do you want for yourself? You deserve a good one that brings to fruition all the dreams you’ve been creating in your journal or in the corners of your mind. Believe that you can have greatness, so you can behave in a way that opens you up to the amazing life that is to come for you.

I’m on this amazing journey to fortify my inner self. The expectation is to become the woman I was meant to be. The path is never simple, challenges will present themselves. Despite the problems, my absolute truth is that I will come out on the other side, a stronger, wiser, and improved me! I am a work in progress and will continue to do the work, one step at a time.

Do you know what your patterns are? 

“Protected content. 2023 awakened-woman.com”