David Andrew Jaffe's Blog, page 18

Betrayal is Not My Christianity

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Betrayal. Deceit at levels outrageously hard to fathom.

That’s how so many people felt the other week.

Chassidic Christianity?

The story is uncommon (hopefully). The effects are drastic. And the shock remains, and will probably linger for months if not years to come.

The other day my wife sent me an article about a “man” in Jerusalem who was just discovered to be a hidden Christian, pretending to be a Chassidic Jew and rabbi in Jerusalem. He was somehow connected to my son’s Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym, so I asked if my son knew him. And that’s when I found out he was my son’s wrestling coach.

And this was the beginning of an ongoing painful discussion that may never end.

What did this guy do?

He took his now-deceased wife and five children, forged documentation, and moved to Israel. He infiltrated communities and completely inserted himself into the lives of the people living around him.

A Christianity Pandemic

Why? So that he can build connections and ultimately help people to see the light, to understand Jesus as the savior and to adopt the Christian faith.

Now, I have no problem whatsoever with Christians or Christianity. I have many beloved Christian friends. How could I not? I lived and worked in Kansas for three years, and loved the place. And Kansas is wall-to-wall Christians!

I even fully understand what it means to believe your religion is the one truth in the universe. I’m a proud Jew, and prefer our theology of having more than one path toward salvation. But philosophically, that aspect of Christianity (and basically all other religions) makes so much more sense to me. If you truly believe that you hold the only actual truth in the world in the palm of your hands, why wouldn’t you want everyone else to believe it also?

But unfortunately some have taken this belief system to mean that whatever they do to get others to adopt their beliefs is inherently justified. So they can lie and cheat and steal, and it doesn’t matter. Their end goal is so spiritually necessary, they can and should achieve it by any means necessary.

And I find this idea abhorrent.

Choosing the Path Ahead of Me

I wasn’t brought up in an Orthodox Jewish household. I would discover a Jewish lifestyle later on in my life, first with the Reform Movement and later with Orthodoxy. But I discovered these paths in my life because I associated with tremendous people who cared about me and had a powerful connection to their faith. I watched and learned. It impacted me greatly.

And as part of a natural flow of life, I ended up adopting practices and later belief systems.

And decades later, and a whole lot smarter than when I was in high school or college, I can say with absolute certainty, I am not where I am because someone maliciously tried to manipulate me. And I’m utterly grateful for that.

Benefits of Manipulation?

No matter how good the intention, I don’t see the benefits of manipulating others to achieve your goals.

What happens when you’ve chosen to lie and deceive in order to get people to practice Christianity?

In the best of circumstances, you’ve permanently convinced someone to switch over. What kind of person does that? My guess? The utterly weak-minded. The easy target. The one who doesn’t ask question and doesn’t seek to dig deeper. And maybe even that person might learn one day that you bastardized your own faith to get them where they are now. And they might even be grateful, since you gave them such a wonderful gift. But at what cost!?

For every one person you have a positive impact on, you’ve taken another hundred and caused them antipathy toward you and your religion. You’ve bread anger and hatred. You’ve alienated so many innocent and unsuspecting people. And, sadly, they will now associate an entire faith with its worst elements.

You are a miserable representation of Christianity, a faith that preaches kindness, honesty, and forgiveness. You’ve done nothing more than made scores of people think the religion is overloaded with deception. Before they were neutral toward your faith. Now they find it objectionable.

Jews aren’t Christians

But listen, and listen well missionaries of the world. You are seriously barking up the wrong tree here. And you are setting yourselves up for miserable failure.

I used to work on a college campus. It was nearly impossible to find an issue all Jews agreed upon. So if you wanted to do some type of unity event, good luck with that. Politics? Not going to work. Religion? Not happening? You’re pretty much going to have to stick with social things.

My time in the field has shown me that Jews across the board only agree on three things:

Bagels are fantasticThe Holocaust was really, really badAnd we simply don’t want to be Christians

We might not agree on what it means to be Jewish or how to practice the faith, but there has been an adamant feeling since the earliest times that no matter how bothered Jews are by Judaism, they always seem to choose it over Christianity.

In the past, faced with the choice of dying rather than converting, thousands of Jews chose death over conversion. And this has somehow sunk deep into our national conscience.

We might not agree on what it means to be Jewish or how to practice the faith, but there has been an adamant feeling since the earliest times that no matter how bothered Jews are by Judaism, they always seem to choose it over…
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Useless and Shameful Dishonesty

What do you think is going to happen here, our idiotic and dishonest pseudo-Chassidic friend? You will perform someone’s wedding or be their guide into the world of Judaism or you will coach them to wrestling greatness for ten or twenty years, then you’ll finally say the magic words, “So what do you think about Jesus? He was really cool, no?”

How do you think this conversation will play out? Do you really think my people will just laugh off the years of lying and happily hop on your deception train?

No, your dishonesty benefits no one.

Your betrayal is as useless and shameful as your fake Jewish identity.

And as much as you think you have made a dent into the Jewish nation, the real harm you have caused was actually to your own people. Every good Christian should be embarrassed that people like you exist.

May you suffer accordingly for your gross actions. And may those you harmed find comfort very soon.

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Joe Biden: Finally My President

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Something big happened recently with President Biden, something I can’t stop thinking about and speaking about.

I am hardly a politically-minded person. And I think it would be absurd to pigeonhole my beliefs into any petty terminology like “liberal” or “conservative”. I don’t like my opinions on any issue to be artificially predetermined by some group I’ve assigned myself with.

We All Have Our Leanings

Nevertheless, we all have our leanings. We have our perspectives we can’t run away from. They are a part of us even if we struggle to take every issue and truly understand it and look at everything from multiple angles.

So I have a general tendency to swing toward the right when it comes to politics. Despite considering myself a liberal or (even an ultra-liberal) on some subjects, that’s just where I lean.

And I panic when people like Joe Biden end up in office, with agendas I don’t sympathize with or ones that look like they’re covering up broader agendas that I find abhorrent. I’m wary. I’m skeptical. And that’s on top of the fact that I have a general mistrust of just about all politicians.

Joe Biden and the Armenian Genocide

So when Joe Biden recently referred to the Turkish massacre of 1.5 million Armenians as a “genocide”, I was shocked to my core. And I was impressed. And felt proud to be an American.

A little background here:

Around 100 years ago, the Ottoman Empire slaughtered over a million Armenians. Since then their government has routinely denied or downplayed what occurred. They stringently object to the term genocide being used to refer to what happened. And they threaten political ramifications for any country that officially terms the incident as such.

And multiple leaders in the United States of America have promised repeatedly to reverse America’s policy. They would be the one to stand up for what’s good and right. President Barack Obama was one of those leaders. And he had eight long years to do the right thing. But for reasons I’ll probably never understand, he cowered to the pressure and didn’t do the morally obvious.

Biden: Doing President Differently

And President Joe Biden did in his first 100 days in office what the president he served under couldn’t do in eight years.

I’ve often referred to that broken promise as the single worst part of Obama’s presidency. He was supposed to stand for peace and diversity. He was supposed to usher in a period of change. We were going to be a new nation, a special and tolerant nation.

That is, of course, unless you’re an Armenian. In which case you get to feel the frigidity of the American dream for a century. Why? Because God forbid we upset the great and mighty Turkey.

Why did Biden do this? Why did he finally do the right thing, and right the wrongs of so many before him?

I’d like to believe it’s because he’s a great person and he’s just trying to do the right thing.

Don’t Worry, I’m Still a Skeptic

Skepticism leads me to believe there’s more to the story, but I’d still like to believe it’s so.

I’ve often wondered why presidents backed down to Turkish pressure. Is there something we don’t know? Does Turkey hold some geopolitical or economic importance that is way beyond the scope and understanding of an ordinary citizen? So the president arrives in office, he’s about to utter the word “genocide”, he receives the truth about Turkey, and suddenly he cowers in fear like little a child.

Of course there’s information the president has that I do not. I would certainly hope so!

And maybe something was different this time around. Perhaps the misadventures of 2020 have left Turkey with no more clout. Maybe they aren’t who they used to be, so Joe Biden was able to spread his arms wide and gain all the glory his predecessors weren’t capable of getting.

Or maybe something else is different. Something we couldn’t possibly have any insight into. Like whatever Turkey was offering in exchange for our careful word choices is now achievable through another source.

Does It Even Matter?

Regardless, I don’t even care about the motivations or the reasons for the timing. I am happy to see the president of the United States of America publicly do the right thing. And it makes me feel proud to be an American.

A dark, little secret is that another country that doesn’t acknowledge the genocide is Israel. And this disturbs me to no end.

The Jewish People has suffered. Can I say definitively that we have suffered more than any other nation in the history of the world? Probably not. But we’re way up there. There are no words to capture the horror that was the Holocaust.

But with all tragedy must come something positive. Minimally, something must have been learned.

And there can be no greater lesson than the world must get up together as one and say we will not stand for hatred and violence of any kind. We will not be like those who stood by as our people was irreparably damaged. No, we must look evil in the eye and say this is not the world we want to live in. We must stand at the forefront of any attempt to stamp out suffering from the world.

So how could it be that Israel is silent on the issue of the Armenian Genocide? How could any political consideration possible compare to our responsibility to acknowledge the suffering of others?

This is no small matter. It might be one of the most important aspects of being a Jewish Nation in the modern world. And it cannot be taken lightly. At all.

Proud to be an American Today

And despite decades of mistrust for politicians, on both sides of the aisle, I find myself today extremely proud to be an American.

Joe Biden has a long road ahead of him. To be sure, mistakes will be made. And I would be shocked if there weren’t moments along the way in which I’m thoroughly disappointed with his leadership. But today I can proudly say that I am thankful that my president has done the right thing.

The immediate reward for letting these important words leave his mouth might not be instantly apparent. And there might be serious fallout. But I’m sure I’m not the only fan you gained today, President Biden. And standing up for the forgotten and downtrodden will gain you a greater legacy than just about anything else a president could do.

I’m listening. I’m watching. Where do we go from here?

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Israelis… Only a Little More So

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The world opened up again.

It was a brilliant thing to watch. I got to go to my gym. People are out and about. It almost feels like it’s a completely normal country and that we can breathe a little. We can almost smell the end to this horrendous pandemic that has brought a halt to our lives for over a year now.

Normality is an Illusion

Yes, I know Israel’s unique in this and until the world fixes itself up, normality is an illusion. A pipe dream.

I still can’t visit my parents. India and Brazil are a mess and who knows what kind of impact that will have worldwide and long term. And the infection and death rates globally just keep rising and rising.

But for now, we can happily pretend like we are looking at Covid in the rearview mirror.

But that’s not what I wanted to speak about today.

I’ve had my fair share of gripes about the lovely people who share the Holy Land with me. And as much as I definitely didn’t forget all the things that frustrated me, Covid had the welcome accidental benefit of dulling things, even if just a little.

Until the world fixes itself up, normality is an illusion. A pipe dream.
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Israelis are a Little Louder

With the school across the street closed, I didn’t hear screaming and obnoxiously loud music all day long. With crowds thinned out and not spending all that much time anywhere but home and the grocery store, I had a break from the pushiness, volume, and ubiquitous cigarette smoke.

But in the first few weeks once Israel decided to stomp out all of its lockdowns and protocols, I can’t help but notice that Israelis are being Israeli… only a bit more so than usual.

What does that mean? Israelis have always been loud. But it feels like they’ve made it a point to turn up the volume, even if just a bit. They’ve made it a point to shout to each other from greater distances or from their vehicles. And, of course, standing next to you while on their cell phones, no matter where they are and how odd it is in that location.

Israelis are a Little Smokier

Everywhere I go, I feel like I’m walking through clouds of cigarette smoke. It’s not that Israelis stopped smoking during Covid. Not a likely scenario. I think if the only cigarettes available in Israel cost $200 a carton and caused an immediate lip fungus, Israelis would still partake in their favorite pastime.

But perhaps things slowed down a little. But you’d never know now. Now it feels like the country is making up for lost time and is doubling down on its love of nicotine. Everywhere I walk I feel like I’m surrounded by smokers, and I’m coughing my way through a giant, nasty cloud of lung cancer.

And the irony of the situation is apparent to absolutely nobody!

How did we get here? We had the most successful vaccination rollout in the world, moving at warp speed, faster than any other country. And why did we do it? Because we’re so concerned with our health. We want to live!

That’s right, the Startup Nation has done it again. We’ve done everything in our power to protect ourselves from something that can cause us irreparable harm… so we can have the freedom to harm ourselves and those around us in a completely different manner. Kudos!

Which leads perfectly into the next point.

Israelis are a Little Bit Crashier

During the height of the lockdowns, it was suddenly a lot easier to drive in Israel. The roads were relatively empty, since there was basically nowhere to go. But people began driving like there was no one else on the road. I mean, Israelis have never been so great at keeping their roads safe. But when taken down a notch, things can get outright terrifying. Switching lanes without looking, speeding up before crosswalks, zipping around other cars without a care in the world.

Sadly, I don’t think people have woken up to the idea that the other cars are back now as well. And every habit they picked up when the roads were clearer has just stuck around and made driving in Israel a whole new level of terrifying.

And now I’m in a bind.

Back to This Again

I’ve been in Israel for over four years this time around, and the whole experience has been a struggle. I’ve spoken in the past about how there are two ways to love living in Israel: A religious pull to be here or, for lack of a better way of phrasing things, a Zionist pull to be here. Sadly, I don’t have either pull so much these days. And I’m constantly worried that situations will push me over the top and make me just run from the country screaming.

Yesterday was a perfect example. On my way to the gym I got into an argument with a woman smoking under a no-smoking sign. It feels like less than one percent of this country is a designated no-smoking area, yet she actually yelled at me for letting her know. Moments afterwards, I walked into a building where a person lit up his cigarette indoors because he couldn’t be bothered to wait the extra two minutes until he stepped outside.

On my way home from the gym, I was in a store literally fighting with customers who were trying to get served before me, despite my standing in front of them and waiting longer. And a piece of me just cracked.

The Reprieve Facade

Corona was (is) awful… but gave me the smallest reprieve from some of the difficulties of my everyday life.

I truly want a return to normality. I want to not worry about masks anymore. Or worry what the latest rules are. Or, of course, fear accidentally transmitting a deadly disease to loved ones.

But in the most twisted way, I kind of miss lockdowns in Jerusalem. It was quieter. It was a more relaxed version of the city. It didn’t necessarily bring out the best in the people living here. But it gave a facade that things were a little bit nicer.

And the facade threw me off.

And here we are.

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What Will Be with the Future of our Children?

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I’m been thinking a whole lot lately about what we do and it’s impact on the future.

Two things have really sparked that in me.

Am I That Dave?

First, from seemingly out of nowhere, an old friend sent me this article he had written. At first, I was in disbelief. I understood that he sent me an article, but I didn’t quite understand why it was to me specifically. Even after he referenced this mysterious “Dave” in the article, I still had to ask if he was speaking about me.

Why? Something happened to me. My easiest guess is a life trauma stole massive memories from my youth and chucked them into some odd void in my brain. So as lovely of a story as this was, I simply had no recollection.

But I was so happy to hear it!

Which leads me to the next factor that’s been making me think a lot lately.

Kids Picking On Kids

I have four lovely kids… when they are separate from one another. They are sweet and fun and wonderful in so many different ways. But when they are all together in one space, a lot of difficulties arise. One of those difficulties is the older two relentlessly picking on one of the younger two.

I can’t express in words how painful this is to watch.

This is my precious little angel. And someone is hurting her. I don’t care about the source. Pain is pain, and I can’t stomach her having to endure any.

And despite massive efforts, the behavior persists.

Looking Back at the Past with Pride

One thing I’m trying to express to my children is that we want to look back at our pasts with pride. We want to be thankful we are one type of person and not another.

We’re all constantly watching movies and TV shows, and we all know who we’re rooting for. The one who defends against the bully is the hero. And we jump with glee when we see the bully finally get what he deserves.

What would you prefer? Do you want to be the kind of person who later on finds out you had an incredibly positive impact on the people around you? Do you want to find out that there are those whose lives were better because you were are part of them? Don’t you want to know that some people might literally owe you their lives?

Or do you want to hear that your relentless teasing damaged someone? Do you want to find out there are people in this world who would be better off if you didn’t exist, or continue to suffer to this day because of something you said or did in the past?

I can’t imagine there exist many people in the world who would choose the latter scenarios.

The Throes of Abuse

But yet when we’re in the throws of abusing others, especially when we’re too young to really grasp that a vast and complicated future exists out there, we just push on forward, doing whatever damage we do. Oblivious of the consequences. Just hoping to reap the reward of a few cheap chuckles here and there.

I am terrified of what an accounting of my life might look like. I would like to believe there are more stories out there like the one I shared from my high school friend. Yet I fear countless stories may exist where I, not unlike my children, hurt people without a care in the world, unthinkingly wrecking lives without losing a minute of sleep.

But my history and my regrets might just be the most powerful tools in my toolbox to get the point across to my children.

I want to impart to them constantly that their lives don’t end the moment they get home from school. There is a vast world that exists for them that will carry on seemingly forever. And you want your days to be filled with joy when you think about the past. And you want as few regrets as possible.

Children See Right in Front of Them

But kids have trouble seeing beyond what’s right in front of them. Adults often do too, but it’s much more intense with the young folk. A decade of teaching certainly drilled that point home for me. For the average child, tomorrow is way too theoretical of a concept. And if the mild pleasure of watching their sister overreact is staring at them, juxtaposed to a long away theoretical cloud of regret that is objectively far worse than the pleasure of the teasing, they very well might still choose the mild bliss of a few chuckles.

So I’m left playing the long game. Trying to plant beautiful seeds that will hopefully one day sprout into a profound understanding that will have an indelible impact on the lives of my children. And I’m loaded with hope that I can get my point across without losing control, and without undermining the good that I’m trying to accomplish.

What’s the Alternative?

I mean, what’s the alternative? There’s always screaming and punishing and carrying on like a crazy person.

It might create the appearance of effective parenting. But ultimately the bads will far outweigh the goods. I’ll just have a bunch of children who think I can’t control my temper, and because of the facade of effectiveness, it might become a vicious pattern that I won’t be able to break out of too easily.

And the lesson I’d be teaching my children: If you scream and carry on enough, you get what you want. When you’re trying to educate your kids to stop picking on a sibling and that actions have long-term consequences, I hardly think yelling to generate compliance is the way to get there.

But I’m stuck.

And I’m scared.

Raising Children is Terrifying

Raising children is the most terrifying gambling anyone could ever participate in. Any parent knows that panic. Will my child be healthy? Will they have a good childhood or will they suffer? There is so much outside of our control, but we know if we want to hold that precious, loving child in our arms, we need to risk the challenges. We need to fight past the fears.

But with contemplation the fears go so much deeper.

We all pray our children won’t be blind or have a terminal illness. How many of us pray our children will look back on their earliest days with pride?

Raising children is the most terrifying gambling anyone could ever participate in.
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Israel Elections: I Voted 4 Times in 2 Years…

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A while back I made a joke. Israel’s first round of the current elections didn’t work out and we were forced to go to second elections. I took a look at the political landscape, contemplated how most of it would pan out, didn’t see a scenario in which things would be any different the second time around, and predicted there would be a third set of elections.

My Son and the Elections

My joke? My son was 15 at the time. I thought things were so messed up, I quipped that this would just continuously happen again and again, so much so that my son would actually get to vote in this election.

And here we are. We just had round four. There is no clear path for anyone to take hold of the country’s leadership, which will inevitably lead to a round five… And my son is turning 18 in just over five months.

It’s a heaping ton of wildly unpredictable and completely expected. The system was good for a time. But right now the system is its own worst enemy. And at the rate we’re going, we’ll be having the election over and over again until the current Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, either steps down or leaves this world permanently. I honestly couldn’t imagine which scenario would be more likely to happen first.

Some observations from a rather underwhelming experience:

1) Aren’t they ALL throwaway votes?

This time around, I voted for a party that basically had no chance of making it into the government. Why would I do something so wasteful and irresponsible?

Way back when I did so, and kicked myself, since every vote really does matter in Israel. And I had tossed mine into the trashcan.

But this time around I felt different. My vote for an obscure party is no less a throwaway vote than someone who voted for one of the most mainstream parties if this whole ordeal just finds us going to elections again. So I might as well take a stand. I might as well demonstrate that I’m voting for principles that mean something to me. Who knows? Maybe the more people who think like that, the easier it will eventually become to let the country know there are issues truly important to us we don’t feel get represented nearly enough.

So I voted for economic reform. Not because I thought the party I chose would become productive members of our government. But because the economy is cruddy, and got battered horrifically in 2020 through countless thoughtless decisions. And someone needs to know that there are those of us who want change.

2) Term Limits: Has Their Time Come?

The time has come for term limits. Benjamin Netanyahu has served for twelve years (and 15, if you count his first run). When someone holds power for this long, nothing good ever comes out of it. When someone has massive amounts of unchecked power for long enough, it starts to feel more like a dictatorship than a democracy. And that is not a position any of us wants to be in.

I know it would seem counterintuitive, but I think Netanyahu himself should be the one calling for term limits. Why? He would be a hero who brought Israel just another step closer to having a flawless democracy. And it would give him the opportunity to leave the office with his head held high.

At this point, he’s poising himself to go down in history as the leader who stayed in power way too long and capitalized on repeated idiotic elections, never able to form a government because he was too stubborn to step away from leading his party. Wouldn’t it be better for him to leave office with a laundry list of incredible accomplishments, with a grateful country sad to see him go, than the likely inevitable crappy ending we are heading toward?

Do I think whoever is coming next will do a better job? I have no idea. Honestly, probably not. But I think fundamental changes to the system are worth it. For the future of Israel and for the future of democracy. And if you think it’s silly to expect or hope for quick systemic changes to the process, please note that in the eight years I lived in Israel the first time, the election system underwent extremely major changes twice. There is absolutely no reason it couldn’t happen again.

3) Time for Israel to Grow Up!

There is nothing that can make a person feel like their country needs to grow up more than shoving your ballot slip of paper into an envelope and then placing it into a cardboard box. Every time I do it, I feel like I’m in 8th grade and I’m voting for class president, pushing for Vinny who promised more ice cream in the cafeteria.

Why in the world can’t the country that gave us flash drives, the Pillcam, and, of course, cherry tomatoes, come up with an election system that doesn’t look like it was designed by children? Why in the world can we not modernize, even just a little bit?

Not only would it be more attractive and more efficient, and less prone to biases of social proof, but it would be far less wasteful. I can’t even imagine how much paper is wasted on election day. Actually, I don’t have to. I looked it up. Holy crap!

You’d think with all the practice we’ve had with elections in these two years, we would have gotten much better at this!

4) Election Wastefullnes

And speaking of wastefulness, election day in Israel sadly highlights one of my biggest concerns about the country: Littering.

My wife and I like to go vote at the last possible minute. It’s so much easier with all the crowds gone. We’re in and out in minutes.

However, it comes at a small cost. After a full day of people harassing others to vote for their party, for whatever reason people usually choose the ground as the proper place to dispose of their leftover cheesy flyers. So as we head off to the polls, we walk past massive amounts of trash all over the floor. Yes, elections serve the sacred purpose of covering the ground of the holiest city in the world with litter. Not a very noble outcome! Especially in an era in which online advertising is so much more essential than pieces of paper. And a whole lot cleaner!

So, Israel, you want my vote? Create a party that fights against littering… and smoking too! What else could I possibly need?

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How to Create a Great Show (3 Elements of Excellence)

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Winding down in the Jaffe household usually means watching an episode of something on Netflix. And the last several years have been quite the adventure.

Some shows we’ve watched have been amazing. Others have been amazingly terrible. And I’ve often been intrigued by the ones that fall into neither category. They are just entertaining enough that we made it through to the end, but we’ll likely never think about again.

What if I Sang on TV?

I’ve often thought that I would be the worst possible contestant on any of the singing talent shows out there. Why? Because I’m thoroughly mediocre. I will never make it into anyone’s highlight reel, but I’m not terrible enough that I would make everyone laugh with hysteria either.

Nope, I’d finish my song, you’d hear crickets in the room, some pompous British guy would say, “Well, it was lovely to meet you. You seem like a great guy, but I just don’t think you’re right for this competition.” And then no one would ever think of me again.

And some of the shows we’ve watched are the equivalent for the TV-viewing experience. There’s something charming about a show being bad enough that it becomes an ongoing laughable phenomenon. Obviously, being excellent is the best choice. But in some ways, unwatchably bad beats out hopelessly mediocre. At least it’s worth talking about!

So after the recent completion of two very mediocre shows (Salvation and Altered Carbon), it got me thinking: What are the elements that make a show break through from mediocrity and enter the world of excellence?

The Elements of Excellence

Here are three of the elements I think are a part of the experience:

1) Compelling characters you grow attached to

Have you ever watched a show, and you were told repeatedly throughout the show about how important and special a character was, but at the same time, you felt nothing? They told you of their greatness, but didn’t demonstrate it. And then what happens? They kill the character off, and it produces absolutely no emotions in you whatsoever.

Think about the shows you love the most. Guaranteed there are characters within who you’ve become attached to, almost feeling as if they are real, and you can’t detach the emotional connection. When they perish, even if you were to watch the show again, you’d be on the edge of your seat hoping for a different outcome.

2) Scenes so good, you want to go back a rewatch them

Another element of a great show is there are scenes so great, you want to go back and watch them repeatedly.

The more mediocre ones are just a series of not-so-impressive scenes. Yes, they tell a story. Sometimes the emotions feel real, or tension is convincing. But they didn’t create a moment of excitement. Or a need to go back and witness again that glorious moment.

But the great shows become a part of your psyche. You’ll find yourself quoting the show and making references to its characters as well (and not in a mocking way…). And they’ll often have scenes that are just so powerful, you’ll want to watch them again and again.

I remember seeing this scene on Glee years ago (a great scene… from an otherwise mediocre television experience). I watched it and re-watched it, every time enjoying the intensity and the depth. I felt the importance of every facial expression.

I still sometimes watch and laugh hysterically at some of the fantastic scenes from Sex Education. And scenes like these from Burn Notice and Stranger Things are enjoyable even after watching them a thousand times. Probably the show with the most rewatched scenes for me was Game of Thrones. I know, it’s well documented that I think the show had the greatest fall from grace in television history. Nevertheless, scenes like this and this never get old. I still feel the chills. I still enjoy the passion and excitement of the moment, like I was watching it for the first time.

3) Great from start to finish

This one’s tough. There are some great shows that had a dip somewhere in the middle, or got worse and never got better again. Others that should have chosen to not keep going. Like Arrested Development, a beautiful three-season package that would have gone down as a comedy masterpiece… had they not decided to come back and make an unwatchable fourth season. At that moment, they became to television what Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was to movies. Perfection was achieved… and then spat all over. Like finishing the Mona Lisa… and then giving her a face tattoo.

Ending a series well is an especially rare gift. I’ve even watched three shows in which I believe the final episode was the single worst one in the entire series (Lost, The 100, and Game of Thrones). Not exactly the best achievement.

To be sure, there could be really good shows that had pockets of everything from dull to terrible, but to be a truly great show, you need to know how to not overdo things, how to keep intrigue for as long as you’re around, how to leave when you’ve still got the magic, and you need to wrap things up in a way that leaves no stone unturned and satisfies the vast majority of your loyal viewers.

To be a truly great show, you need to know how to not overdo things, how to keep intrigue for as long as you're around, how to leave when you've still got the magic, and you need to wrap things up in a way that leaves no stone unturned…
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What’s the point?

So what’s my point in all this?

I’d like to believe that no one sets out to write a mediocre show. No one wants a show that can best be defined as “fine” or “entertaining enough”. Don’t you want at least someone in the world to rave about your show and exclaim that it’s their favorite?

Well, now you have a road map.

If you want your viewing experience to transcend mediocrity, fill it with compelling and unique characters who we can easily grow attached to. Fill your show with fantastic scenes we will want to watch over and over again. And learn when and how to call it quits, so we leave your show feeling like you never had to take a season off or rush a crappy ending because you were canceled abruptly.

Ignore these elements, and fade into obscurity. Keep them in mind, and stay in our fond memories forever!

So what am I missing? What makes a show rise from mediocrity to excellence?

***

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A Unique Purim for the Ages (2021)

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Purim* is my favorite Jewish holiday. What’s not to love? You eat tons of delicious food, dress up in crazy costumes, give to and receive gifts from friends, and you drink like crazy until you fall down, happy as a clam.

But these are different times.

And no holiday has had the same excitement and shine it used to have. Still, a year later.

Purim in 2020[image error]

Last year we took a walk through one of the most popular areas in the city. There were very early reports of a virus going around, and tiny restrictions on gatherings.

Nonetheless, many events were canceled. And this area that used to be fun almost every night, on one of the most exciting days of the year, was virtually empty. It was disheartening, to say the least. But at that time it would be months before Israel would lose its first Corona patient. And it’s crazy to think I’m writing this shortly after Israel lost its 6,000th.

Last year was lackluster, despite our brilliant depiction of Jon Lennon and Yono Ono. But it had at least tiny pieces of normal along the way. We were out and about. Went to friends’ homes, without fears or concerns. We had no idea what was coming. We had no idea that the following year would be anything but normal. And we certainly had no idea that this mediocre Purim would be worlds more exciting than the one that would happen an entire year later!

Purim in 2021

First off, Purim was still lovely. It was four days with my wife and kids, filled with fun, food, costumes, and movies. We dressed up like the Peanuts gang, with costumes made basically from scratch by my beautiful and extraordinarily talented wife. She painted lines and dots on dresses. She sewed ruffles into sleeves. She expertly did things with my kids’ hair that I didn’t think were possible. And we all had a blast!

But some elements of the day were beyond peculiar.

We went out to our first Megilah reading** on Thursday night. Obviously it was outdoors, since pretty much everything is done outdoors these days. A little less obvious: Sweaters and jackets would have been a really good idea, as most of us were shivering from start to finish. (Not my son. He was cozy, as usual, in shorts and a t-shirt. Gotta love him!)

The reading was fine. Very basic. Which is good when you’re with kids and it’s really cold outside. Get things over with, and get back home for some pizza-making fun time! But the reading ended up being quite a bit longer than it should have been. Why? A hop, skip, and a jump away from our reading was another one. But theirs was qualitatively way different.

We’re All in This Together…

When our group made noise, it was relatively quiet and pretty darn quick. When the other group made noise though, it was long and loud. Guarantee you could hear them many blocks away. So we didn’t just interrupt the reading for our own noise, but we had to interrupt for theirs as well. Which was quite time-consuming, and really not welcome when every minute counts. I wanted my precious kiddos warming up as soon as humanly possible.

That was the nightime reading.

Daytime reading was a whole other story entirely. Yes, of course by definition we had to compete with some cars going by and general foot traffic. But we also had to somehow navigate mega-loud street cleaners and people doing house repairs. Try hearing someone reading a scroll outdoors when two apartments down someone’s drilling through concrete!

Something Great in the Not-So-Great

I’ve never had a Purim quite like this one. I hope to God this was, like so much else in the past year, an historic anomaly. But I do think the problems we faced each and every time we attempted to do the right thing, reflect really well on something extremely important.

My people is resilient. Extremely stubborn and uncommonly resilient.

Giving up and not doing what we’re used to was not an option. No one just sat back and ignored the traditions of the past. No one said, “Of forget it. It’s too noisy. It’s too difficult. And all the fun has been taken out of it, so I’m just going to stay home and do nothing instead.”

Not the way of the Jewish nation. Yeah, we’ll moan for a bit. But then we get up, dust ourselves off, find a healthy workaround, and we do what needs to be done. No one could know what things would look like this year. No one could anticipate all the challenges we would face. But it did not matter. We walked straight ahead and ignored the obstacles that might be standing in our way to the best of our ability.

Most of the time Purim is a wild and crazy holiday. This year it was certainly neither wild nor crazy. But yet it was still one of my most incredible so far, and one I’ll remember for years to come.

Most of the time Purim is a wild and crazy holiday. This year it was certainly neither wild nor crazy. But yet it was still one of my most incredible so far, and one I'll remember for years to come.
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Notes (for the uninitiated):

*Purim: A Jewish holiday centered around the story of Mordechai and Queen Esther’s heroism in saving the Jewish people during the Persian Empire. We celebrate through giving gifts to the impoverished, reading from the scroll of Esther, giving gifts to friends, dressing up in costumes, and having a lavish meal with friends and family, often filled with a whole lot of alcohol. It truly is an epic, extremely fun and exciting holiday.

**Megilah Reading: Part of the holiday requirements is we gather in groups (usually in synagogue) to listen to the reading of the scroll of Esther, which tells the story of the holiday. It can take anywhere from 20-60 minutes. It is a requirement to listen quietly for the entire reading, and to not miss hearing even a single word. It is a widespread custom to make noise every time you hear the name of the story’s main antagonist (Haman).

***

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Finding Israel a Safe Place to Hide

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The whole world is looking at Israel right now. And it sucks. It really, really sucks.

It’s rarely if ever a good thing when Israel makes it into the news or is in the public eye in any way. Usually it in some way involves war or terrorism, so it’s a highlight of tragedy. Other times it’s to take an action of Israel and blow it out of proportion in ways that an honest observer would be shocked by. And then there’s the occasional legitimate criticism.

And every once in a while, when the stars align, Israel gets a pat on the back from the universe.

Israel’s Impressive Vaccine Rollout

And they’re doing it a whole lot right now. We’re under earth’s mightiest microscope, as everyone watches their favorite country to pick on absolutely kick ass in the fight to get the Coronavirus vaccine jammed into as many arms as possible.

In many ways, this is the worst possible situation for Israel.

I couldn’t presume to give a proper explanation for why, but the moment Israel is in the public eye, it never ends well. The classic shockingly disturbing example of what happens when Israel gets praised is the professor who determined that in world history, Israel is the only example of a conquering nation that did not rape the inhabitants of the area it conquered.

Great! Look at our wonderful nation. A people who in the worst of times still maintain a moral backbone. Obviously this discovery should result in the world showering praise upon such a kindhearted and special people.

The Shocking Conclusion

But… not quite. What was the professor’s conclusion for why we didn’t rape the women? Because we’re a bunch of racists.

That’s right. Of course the Israeli people didn’t want to violate women they deemed of inferior origin!

If this sounds absurd, unfortunately it’s because you haven’t been watching history closely enough. This is why we’re better off not being in the public’s eye. The moment we get there, that’s when things start going wrong. It’s in Israel’s best interest to be in the background. Not too hot, not too cold. We want to be the kid in class the teacher never even thinks to call on. Because the moment we’re called upon, that’s when people whip out their criticism Thesaurus. That’s when the world searches the deepest levels of its creativity to find reasons to insult the Jewish nation.

It's in Israel's best interest to be in the background... We want to be the kid in class the teacher never even thinks to call on.
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All Eyes on Israel

Pfizer has declared Israel its vaccine laboratory. All eyes are on Israel to find out what happens when a significant portion of the population gets vaccinated, how the vaccines handle Covid variants, what happens to those who are vaccinated but otherwise may not have been recommended to do so, and so much more.

And what’s the reward for doing a really good job and the world taking notice and trying to figure out how it can learn from Israel’s success?

This stupid joke on Saturday Night Live.

Now, there’s only one thing I don’t like about this joke. It’s not funny. Make fun of Jews and Israel all you like. Comedy is what happens when everyone in the room agrees that we’re all on the same team, and our goal is just to laugh. No group is off the table. If you have an absurdity worthy of teasing, we will unleash the tease.

But Saturday Night Live has been an assault on comedy for years now. Every sketch seems to follow a similar pattern. A semi-humorous concept with maybe one laughable moment, followed by beating the joke to death for the next barely tolerable 4-5 minutes. I honestly don’t know why anyone pays any attention to them at all anymore.

That being said, if the show were to be cancelled, I would hope to God it would be because they weren’t funny and not because of a few off-color jokes that offended some pansies.

That being said, Saturday Night Live is representative of a reality many of us are painfully aware of. When Jews or Israel do something–anything–good, there are those across the world who will immediately seek a way to show that either it wasn’t really good or mock it for being self-serving. That cheesy, poorly delivered one-liner was not just a crappy joke. It was an example of a real and dangerous thought pattern that happens all the time.

Israel in the Public’s Eye

So what happens when Israel is in the public eye, so much so they are the butt of SNL’s subpar humor?

All of a sudden the microscopes start coming out in droves, and Israel is picked apart for everything it’s ever done… and tons of things it hasn’t done as well.

I check the American news on occasion, just to gauge how things are looking across the ocean. And an article on CNN immediately caught my eye. The implication is that Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu’s in bed with ultra-homophobic hate mongers, and this should reflect terribly on his character.

Now, I don’t love Netanyahu. I question whether anyone does at this point. But if I were to have contempt for him, it would not be for this insane non-issue.

Israel Elections…

The way the political system works in Israel is the main leaders must form a coalition with other political parties, sometimes several, in order to form a working government. In order to do so, you need to work with parties that disagree on some issues. And guess what? They all will! By definition. If they didn’t disagree on some issues, why in the world would they be a different party???

So the choices are:

a. Work with people who agree with you on some or most issues, or

b. Don’t form a coalition, the government falls apart, we go to elections again, everyone’s miserable, and a whole lot of money is wasted

So what did CNN do? They took the parties Netanyahu is likely to work with in order to have a functional government, searched for reprehensible traits among those parties, and made something that no one is talking about anywhere in Israel into a headline, and BAM, Israel looks like garbage for millions of CNN readers who aren’t going to look past a headline.

Hiding Safely in the Shadows

And how did we get to this?

It all started with being in view of the public. Remain in the background, no one talks about Israel, and the entire nation is better off.

If we find ourselves being stared at by the world, for any reason whatsoever, we are vilified. And once the floodgates open, there is infinite room for criticism.

We should be blessed to hide in the shadows. Where it’s safe.

***

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The Vaccine and the Soul that Cannot be Lost

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What the hell is going on in the world?

I got this little shot thing in my arm recently …. But I have a vaccine confession… I didn’t really want to.

Let me explain.

Not a Fan of Western Medicine

I’m not a fan of western medicine. It just seems to fail me at every turn. It seems to change its mind every few weeks. And, frankly, just putting some crap in my arm that by definition hasn’t been tested for all that long scares the hell out of me.

So why in the world would I do something like this?

Well, there are about three reasons:

1) The Vaccine Came QUICKLY

Fact is, I didn’t think this thing would be available to me for many months to come. That’s what we were told before its arrival. And I just figured the way Israel has been botching up things since day one, how in the world could they pull off the miracle of doing some insanely rapid vaccine rollout?

But they did. I thought I’d get to watch on the sidelines for months. Let the world be my guinea pig. And only after I was satisfied with what I saw, that’s when I would swoop in and get my shot. Meanwhile, the country figured out how to stick people like vaccine ninjas, and before I had a chance to think, it was readily available to a healthy dude in his 40s who works from home. And everyone was telling me that it was critical for all humanity to get this shot immediately, or we’d all die!

2) Overwhelming Social Pressure

And that’s when the overwhelming social and governmental pressure started kicking in. Widespread discrimination became the norm. People who displayed even mild concern or skepticism started being labeled as anti-vaxxers, even if they’ve received all other vaccines. Everyone was tossed in the same pot. Those who feared the vaccine because they were trying to conceive or they were uncertain of the vaccine’s long-term impacts were tossed together with the tinfoil crew who feared Bill Gates was injecting some 5G-related blah blah.

And so I caved. I didn’t want to be among the “crazies” or those holding up society’s only chance for a return to normalcy. And, of course, for the chance to get the coveted green passport that would allow me to look down upon those in the country who shun their civic duty… or aren’t medically cleared to receive a vaccine… or are too young to receive the vaccine… or have reasonable concerns…

3) Return to Gym Desperation

But more than anything, I just wanted to get back to my gym.

The gym has been my safe haven for many years now. It’s my giant escape from the ugly realities of the world. It’s where everyone gets along and strives for a greater purpose.

The physical benefits have been extreme for me. But they pale in comparison to the mental benefits. I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am now in life if it weren’t for good-quality workouts. It has been the most consistently remarkable part of my life.

Or at least it was, until a nasty disease, an uninformed and lazy society, and an inept government worked together to keep me out of there for huge chunks of this past year.

And I’m willing to do just about anything to get myself back there again. Even if it means compromising on a small piece of my value system.

The Right to be Skeptical

But one thing I am not willing to do is begrudge other people their God-given right to be skeptical. I’m not going to accept this notion that the same industry that has been creating drugs for generations riddled with side-effects and loaded with people who are recommended not to take them, suddenly created a miracle pinprick that has no adverse effects, long or short term, and is OK for 100% of the population.

I have fears of these vaccines. And I have enormous fears of this bastard of a virus.

But my social concerns outweigh them all.

I am not willing to begrudge other people their God-given right to be skeptical.
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Rational Vaccine Conversation

I fear a society that cannot have a rational discussion about the vaccine. One group says it’s garbage they don’t want to go anywhere near. The other says it’s a brilliant and infallible piece of modern medicine that will save us all.

And they’re both naive. They’re both behaving like children who are unwilling to speak to the other one rationally. If you are not receiving the vaccine and cannot see why others think it’s a really good idea, I have trouble believing you. How do you not want the world to get better? How do you not want to take the necessary steps to get back to relative normality?

But if you did receive your vaccine, or you’re pining to get the thing, and you think it’s perfect and there’s no chance we’ll ever see anything negative come out of it, I’m equally perplexed. And if you’re willing to disparage and criticize all others who look at things differently than you do, I’m frustrated and even somewhat disgusted with you.

Yesterday Israel just announced many new rules regarding those who have or haven’t been vaccinated. I was most intrigued by the unvaccinated not being allowed inside restaurants. I couldn’t help but think of racist laws from a time gone by. And yeah, comparing this to racism might be overkill. But I’m starting to feel it in the air. People willing to discriminate against millions of others because they are not vaccinated. People who think they’re inherently better than others.

And it’s only going to get worse.

Don’t Lose Your Soul

Listen, I get it. We all hate Corona. We all hate lockdowns and quarantines and masks and distance learning and businesses closing and on and on. But none of this is an excuse to treat others poorly or to act like you’re better than anyone else. And none of this is an excuse to shut off your mind.

This era will one day be behind us. We will have moved on and it will become fodder for history books. But how we behaved, how we treated the others around us, will become a part of who we are.

And that will never change.

***

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A Girl and Her Cat, Together Forever

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It was a ridiculously sad day.

And with not too much thought, I can still see the lifeless eyes. Just nothing, absolutely nothing staring out into emptiness.

A Dog Person and a Cat Person

The tragic story began over two years ago, at the beginning of my amazing relationship with Devorah.

We became super close, super quickly.

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We quickly established that I was a dog person, and she adored her little kitty cat. If I look back to many of our early photo exchanges, a huge percentage of hers are with her cat.

When we started our new life in Jerusalem, the cat stayed home. Why? Well, for one, we had a dog, which could be quite challenging. But also, Teeny wasn’t a city cat. He was used to just roaming around outside, defending himself when necessary, and coming home when it suited him. It would be impossible to give him the life he wanted and was used to in Jerusalem.

Dog and Cat Family

But then he got sick. Extremely sick. And we had to figure out how to bring him into our home so Devorah could take care of him. So she could give him the best possible life with whatever amount of time he had left.

And in moments, we were a dog and a cat family.

And the bonding process began. Which was terrifying for me. I’m not much of a cat person. But I am an animal person. And it’s really easy to bond with an animal. Especially one that took a quick liking to me, and loved to sit on and fall asleep on my lap.

But forming a bond with a sick cat was basically guaranteeing an imminent trauma. And the bond happened anyway.

Obviously our time together was brief. And he was not himself, so weakened by his illness. But the bond began, alongside of the fears of the inevitable.

He Grew Weaker

When Teeny inched closer to his last days, he wasn’t eating. He grew weaker and weaker, and it was hard to watch him. At the very end, he would fall down repeatedly. It was honestly heartbreaking.

And it forced us to contemplate things no one should ever have to consider.

I am a dog owner (and lover). And I get chills imagining a world in which I have to consider the end of my beautiful Frank. And I have to immediately force myself to think about something else, otherwise risk ruining the rest of my day.

And as heartbreaking as it was to watch this innocent creature suffer, watching my poor Devorah was one of the most painful things I’ve ever witnessed. She was suffering. She felt a deep, dark hurt. And there was absolutely nothing I could do for her.

And only at the very end was I able to be there in a way that Devorah needed. She couldn’t bear to say goodbye. But couldn’t stomach her beloved kitty leaving this world without being held in a loving manner. Without someone who cared about him comforting him until his last moment.

And I sat there, knowing what I was there for. But not really knowing. Holding this poor animal, who didn’t ask for any of this. What does a cat want from this world? A bit of food. Some comfort. Cozy places to sleep. They’re not seeking medical attention or recognition for the impact they have on someone’s life.

Forever Memories

They’re just in the world for a brief moment, and then one day they’re no longer here. Yet their memory and their impact stay with us forever and ever.

I thought about this and so much more, until one moment I looked down, and there was no longer another breath.

And it’s an image that will not leave my mind. It’s been a few months and it’s still burning in my memory. I’m not naive enough to assume it will be there forever, or will continue to haunt me until the day I die. But it’s certainly there now. And it’s strong.

Those of us so fortunate to be touched by an animal in our lives have trouble explaining this to those who are not blessed with this type of a bond. It’s powerful. It’s comparable to the connection between parent and child. In some ways even stronger. Anger with a child can last for hours. Sometimes days. Probably even more than that for major offenses (I hope I never know).

But anger with an animal dissipates rapidly. It’s like having a baby for life. When they cause harm, they don’t do so from malice. They are clueless. And thus ultimately innocent and harmless.

Those of us so fortunate to be touched by an animal in our lives have trouble explaining this to those who are not blessed with this type of a bond. It's powerful. It's comparable to the connection between parent and child. In some ways…
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Parent or Human?

Devorah and Teeny were family.

We have a running joke in my household. I consider us the pets’ parents, Devorah considers us their humans. I tease about it. It’s fun to watch Devorah grunt when I pretend Frank is calling her “mom”.

But on the other hand, I take it seriously. Quite seriously. If we can adopt a child with absolutely no biological connection to us and become their mother or father in every way imaginable, then at the very least the concept of adopting an animal should be somewhat similar. We are signing on to love and care for another being. They are now our responsibility for the long haul.

And the moment that begins, the bond does as well.

So in essence I watched my wife lose her child just a matter of weeks ago. I watched something so amazingly dear to her leave her life forever. And I comforted her and continue to comfort her through the agony that accompanies such a tragic loss.

How to Say Goodbye?

How does one say goodbye to something so precious?

The answer is: You never really do.

A pet that has touched your life will be a part of you forever.

You will have your memories together. And of course there will be pictures galore. But the real impact comes from how they eventually intertwine with your life, and at some point you cannot imagine a world without them.

Teeny is still with you, Devorah. And he always will be.

***

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