David Andrew Jaffe's Blog, page 23

Unorthodox: Intense. Emotional. Accurate?

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The Netflix original Unorthodox has stormed the world. If my Facebook feed is not Coronavirus memes, silly games, or dopey pictures of cats, it’s friends of mine discussing this show.

I’m not one for peer pressure or just doing what everyone else is doing… but I couldn’t stop my curiosity, and the subject matter is super important to me. Plus, it looked really interesting… and it’s not like the bars and clubs are open anyway…

Unorthodox: My Two Cents

So, my two cents about this epic show. And of course, *spoiler alert*.

First of all, I want to say two things I loved about Unorthodox: The acting and the accurate portrayal.

The acting on the show was nothing short of fantastic. All actors did a remarkable job, and it’s impossible to ignore the masterful performance of the show’s star, Shira Haas. Is the character happy or sad? Excited or terrified? Life is complicated, but usually television is not. The complexity of her emotions throughout the show was shining out of every pore on her face.

Was she thrilled at the prospect of marrying someone brand new in her life? Or having her head shaved? Or starting over in an unfamiliar country? Was she scared? Nervous? Hesitant? Fulfilled?

She was all of these things! Intense emotions were pouring forth all throughout the show, and they were all there for the viewer to experience. You felt the inner struggle. You were a part of the pain, the joy, the complexity.

Is Unorthodox Shameful?

Before I go forward, I want to address common complaints about Unorthodox. It seems like, for the most part, I can figure out who will like the show before they even open their mouths. Anyone who is sensitive to the public disparagement of portions of the Orthodox Jewish world sees the show as an embarrassment. It’s falsely shaming our brethren and inaccurately portraying an entire community.

I doubt their ability to look past their concerns and just see the art. To just enjoy the quality of performance.

And I also disagree. On multiple levels.

Yes, an unknowing viewer would likely now have a very negative view of the Chassidic Jewish world, and Satmar in particular. But I had been inundated with similar viewpoints by Orthodox Jews I met, long before I ever had any firsthand look at that world. We tell each other because we see problems. How can we expect one another to know, but to keep the world in the dark forever?

Unorthodox Buy-In

One aspect of the show and the community I would like to talk about, something I thought about from start to finish, is “buy-in”. What I mean is, it’s a society of people who have accepted the world they are living in. True, their exposure to the world outside their own is extremely limited. Nevertheless, on a day-to-day basis they commit to their lifestyle and community. And, it would seem, they are not unhappy with their lives.

The problem is when someone cannot fully buy-in to everyone and everything around them. They cannot fully commit to practices and beliefs that are no longer meaningful and special to them. And then they are faced with a challenge none of us would ever want in our lives. Do we suppress our nature in order to continue to be a part of the only world we know? Do we risk losing all ties to our childhood community or our beloved family? Or do we give it all up in order to get a taste of the mysterious world that lays just outside our four walls?

And I think Unorthodox portrayed all of this superbly. The ambivalence of emotions. The inevitable loneliness. The pull toward those who have since rejected you for abandoning them and everything they stand for.

The Satmar Community

I harbor no ill-will toward Satmar people or lifestyles. If you love what you do and the people in your community, who am I to ever judge or criticize those who hold beliefs different from my own?

As far as I’m concerned, freedom of religion ends when you deliberately hurt me or others. And yes, the characters in Unorthodox were woefully undereducated. Their ability to survive in the world outside the bubble in which they grew was limited. And our protagonist was certainly suffering living the only life she knew how to live.

But what about everyone around her? Are we to assume they are unhappy? Are we to assume deep down just about everyone wishes to “escape” the misery that has been thrust upon them from birth? And are we also to assume that those who facilitated Esty’s life had only ill intentions?

Unorthodox and the Holocaust

In fact, one of my favorite parts of the show was how they presented the philosophies of Satmar Chassidim as being almost an inevitable outcome of the Holocaust. We must preserve our community and dedicate our lives to replenishing those who have been brutally stolen from us. How? By any means necessary.

And any thinking person can’t avoid the question: Are they wrong? The Jewish people left to their own devices could disappear in just a couple of generations. It will not be the fault of a murderous despot. No, it would be the fault of apathy. It would be because people decided to just blend in with the world around them, and even though the attrition process would be slow, it would be inevitable as well.

I don’t agree with the philosophy. I think it is very easy to get trapped in a mindset that to this day we are still in a spiritual battle against Hitler. This is not a healthy way to live life. In fact, it’s not a healthy way to do anything. We should live our lives, not simply avoid death. Life is not a battle. It’s an adventure!

Should You Watch Unorthodox?

Unorthodox was an unusually well-done show. The acting was remarkable. The costumes and set designs were flawless. And the intensity was off the charts. I can still feel chills thinking about some of the scenes.

Was it perfect? Nothing ever is. Were there biases and inaccuracies in how the Satmar community was portrayed? For certain. Probably way more than I will ever even realize. Nevertheless, I think Unorthodox is very much worth watching, both from an artistic standpoint and to feel the anguish of one woman’s painful story. You will experience a wide gamut of emotions along the way. And you should!

***

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The Moshav: One Year Later, Hopes, Tears, and the Unknown

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Just a bit over a year ago, we were all hit with the devastating news that our precious Moshav was demolished in a relentless fire. The place many of us had been to so many times, where we had more heartwarming experiences than we could count, was reduced to piles of ashes.

And heartbreak.

Yes, a few houses remain. And a few folk are camped out in what’s left. But there is plenty more work to be done, and more than enough reasons to be worried.

The Moshav: Concerns on top of Concerns

Personally, I am concerned for a number of reasons. I have so many friends and family who call the Moshav home, and I fear that what’s being done is either not enough, or certainly not at a pace that inspires confidence. And the longer this saga continues, the easier it will be for everyone, including Moshav residents, to just move on with their lives. Nevertheless, the dream of finally “going home” remains powerful and vibrant. As it should!

But I also worry that in such challenging times, it can become harder and harder to focus on such relatively small circumstances. The world is so hyper-focused on the Coronavirus, how easy would it be to just set aside plans to assist a handful of displaced followers of Shlomo Carlebach?

Finally, I cannot and will never forget Gush Katif. Thousands of Israelis were forcefully removed from their homes in what was one of the greatest governmental blunders in the country’s history. Yet, we almost never seem to talk about it anymore. We don’t focus on those who lost their homes and businesses. We don’t talk about the hurt and pain of watching someone’s childhood community turned into rubble by the very people who promised to protect them.

Forgetting is Too Easy

No, forgetting is easier. For months Gush Katif was the only thing we could talk about. And again, we all lamented the loss of Moshav Mevo Modiin for weeks and weeks. But that was then. And this is now. People are still hurting. The community is by no means restored. And there’s work to be done.

I’m writing this post to remind everyone. To make sure we don’t forget that members of our family are still in pain. They need us to know we still care. And they still need our help.

The Moshav: A Year Later

The past year has been one of utter turmoil for residents of the Moshav. For certain, many have done countless things to assist those in need. But the troubles have been countless.

Residents were first placed briefly in a community called Yad Binyamin, mainly established by former members and evacuees from the aforementioned Gush Katif. After a few weeks, they then spent the next several months living in a community called Chafetz Chaim. They are forever grateful that they were never homeless, the government handled the costs of housing and food, and that they were welcomed in during their time of need.

“No other country would have done as much,  I am proud to say,” says Mordechai Gess, a Moshav member and resident for 41 years. “From day one they got into gear.”

This sentiment was echoed by everyone I interviewed. A tremendous amount of work was and has been done to assist those in need.

A Nightmare is Still a Nightmare

However, the nightmare was still real and present. They weren’t living in their homes, strongly missed the comfort of their worldly possessions, and struggled with uncertainty. Chafetz Chaim was by no means the final stop of their journey. And despite hospitality and rent subsidies, the worries and troubles never took a rest.

How long would they be living in strange places? What’s coming next? Will they ever return to their precious Moshav? If so, when would this happen? What would it look like? Would their lives ever have some semblance of normality again? What would be the long-term impact on the character of the Moshav?

Where is the Moshav Now?

So what has this previous year looked like for the Moshav itself?

Some houses were miraculously spared by the vicious flames. Nevertheless, those homes remained with electricity for the next seven months! When they finally could, residents whose houses still stood excitedly returned home.

What did they find?

Hope.

And promises.

And a great deal of neglect.

The remains of the houses destroyed by the fire still stood. And a year later, they still have not been demolished. The water pressure remains low. And the temporary housing units that have been promised have not yet arrived.

Painstakingly Slow

“I will feel a lot more confident and relaxed once I see the caravans,” says Shira Shapiro, “so that I know we have a place to go back to, even if it is just another temporary stop on the way to rebuilding our homes.” Shira grew up on the Moshav since age 4. At the time of the fire, she was living there with her two children on a home built on top of her mother’s.

Even the burned, dead trees on the Moshav took an entire years to be removed. Little by little, the beautiful community is being restored. But the process is painstakingly slow.

The Moshav and Pure Unconditional Giving

But housing and food are not the only concerns one has when a community burns to the ground. And as much as the government can and did help, it’s the outpouring of support from more directions than you can count that can make this tragic story sometimes sound almost like a fairytale.

When word got out that our beloved second home finally needed all of us to give back, people from around the world reached into their hearts (and pockets) and stepped up to the plate. What we all witnessed were “truly amazing acts of pure unconditional giving”, according to Gess. “Thousands of messages of concern and love have been pouring in ever since,” says Avraham Arieh Trugman, one of the founding Moshav members in 1976.

The stories are nothing short of inspiring, reminding everyone that in our darkest times, opportunities to make the world a better place shine a beautiful light on how great humanity truly can behave. The efforts to help were extensive and came from every direction imaginable. Residents were in awe at “the tremendous outpouring of love, support, and donations from our friends and family all over the world, as well as from complete strangers,” says Shapiro.

Alifa Saadya, a resident and member since 1980, stated that she is “humbled by the extraordinary kindness that has been shown to us.” Assistance came from businesses, who offered discounts to Moshav residents. It also came from organizations, such as the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews, which was gracious and generous in every way imaginable.

The Best of the Best

But probably the most heartwarming stories are about the individuals who gave and gave. Countless contributed whatever and whenever they could. Bracha Sprung, a former spokesman for the Mayor of Jerusalem, repeatedly used her government contacts in every way possible. She was and continues to be a tremendous support to the community.

And then you have people like Tova Hametz, who placed her life on hold to go above and beyond to help in ways that are hard to even fathom.

Shapiro says of Tova that “she spoiled us at a time when we felt homeless and so broken. She helped fix us by sitting with us and laughing with us. She never needed to be told what we needed, she just knew. She knew how to help every single one of us in our most dire time of need. There is no way I could ever even express how grateful we all are for her.”

The Future of the Moshav

The future of the Moshav is unclear. Currently, there are about twelve families living there. There have been numerous occasions in which residents have gotten together, keeping the community feel alive and well. The plan is for 25 caravillas to be added mid-August so residents could move back home while their houses are rebuilt.

The world of the Moshav crumbled, but is being pieced together ever so slowly. But we are not out of the woods yet, and our Moshav brethren can still use our help, care, and attention. Obviously financial support remains vital as well. Keep the Moshav in your thoughts and prayers, and when the time comes, please continue going to the Moshav’s festivals and other events.

The Moshav was there for so many of us, for decades. The time to give back was a year ago. But sadly, the time to give back is still now as well. Please never let the Moshav leave your thoughts. And don’t rest until we’re all dancing there together once again.

***

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Coronavirus: The Day After (Five Wishes)

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What happens the day after?

This whole catastrophe is not over. I’m assuming we’re not even close. We likely have a lot more craziness ahead of us, and tons of lessons to learn. And it would seem we’re going to learn them the hard way, too.

But here is a question that’s been burning on my mind for the last few weeks. What happens the day after? I don’t mean in the world at large. I mean for me personally.

In many ways, my life has been more similar than different during all of this. I worked from home before the world went crazy. And my job hasn’t skipped a beat. I’m still quite busy every single day. And yes, my exercise has taken a big hit, but I’ve nevertheless kept fairly strong. I’ve exercised almost every day, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

That’s not to say it’s been easy. At all. Some days I feel like I’m going to crack. I feel like I’m falling apart. And I beg that things get better for me before they get considerably worse.

So Many Choices

But when life throws calamity in your face, there are only so many choices. You can collapse to the floor under all the pressure. You can do nothing and just wait everything out, hoping that when the smoke clears you can jump back to normality.

Or you can try your hardest to make the best of an objectively crappy situation. You can contemplate it. And you can learn from it. What will be if this happens again? Will I be more ready than I was this time? What would I have done differently if I knew this was coming? What can I learn from my personal experience?

And most importantly: What happens the day after the world goes back to normal? What happens when the doors open again? Am I the same person as before, or have I found some new meaning and purpose? What will my life be like on the other side of the Coronavirus?

I would like to explore five items. Five things that I wish I had done before the doors were locked, or I would love to have in place if something like this ever happens again, or that I wish I had initiated in the past, and now I will re-consider with a bit more enthusiasm.

The Day After #1: Projects Left Undone

There are always a lot of projects on the back burner. My wife and I have spoken for a while about doing a Shabbat project in Jerusalem for lone soldiers, or a musical Havdallah program on Saturday nights. These ideas are just light images we have in our minds, and of course there’s always a whole lot of procrastination and life that gets in the way of making them happen.

And then you’re placed in a situation where they cannot happen. Even if they were up and running, they’d still be shut down indefinitely. There’s a whole lot of regret in not making dreams happen when you’re tossed into a world in which they become impossible.

So when the doors open up again, I can’t wait for the opportunity to make the world a better place, one project at a time.

The Day After #2: The Social Imperative

The Coronavirus has really put me in touch with my need to be social. I don’t need to be social all the time. Not even close. I love being alone. But I do need to be social a lot more than I’ve been lately.

Now, I don’t consider myself incredible in social situations. Many still intimidate me. Yet I can’t wait to say hi to the world again.

I feel like I spend so much of my time out in the world wanting to greet perfect strangers. I want to compliment their hat or ask if they went to my college or inquire about their unusual exercise routine in the gym. Before the world was closed, I stood silently. And now I miss scores of people I’ve never even spoken with!

I hope to see them again on the other side. And to never be silent again!

The Day After #3: Next-Level Health

Nothing highlights health not being quite up to par than being trapped in your home all day long, not able to move all that much, and being dangerously close to the kitchen 24 hours a day.

Over the years, I’ve had to sacrifice a gym day here and there for all sorts of reasons. Not feeling well, a holiday, time got away from me, and so on. And so I settled for a mediocre home workout, always reasoning that it’s a rare thing I have to deal with every once in a while.

And that was fine… until “once in a while” became every freaking day.

And I know I might be doing better than many, but yeah, clothes are still getting a little tighter.

So what happens now? I need to up my game. I need to have more exercises under my belt. I need to learn how to turn my home into a haven for movement. And I need to learn how to cook better with a greater variety. And how to strategize how not to stuff my face despite constant access and a whole lot of stress.

The Day After #4: Buy Buy Buy

A fun theoretical quarantine conversation is what would you have bought if you knew you were going to be stuck at home for several months. There are so many things on our family list. For whatever reason, we stood in a store or two, came inches away from grabbing the item in question… and left it on the shelf.

And now we sit at home wishing we had just pulled the trigger. Wishing we had the comfy couch to lounge around on in our endless hours at home. Or the camera to start a new adventure as YouTubers. And the list goes on and on.

But I truly hope it won’t happen again. Never before have I imagined that I’d stand in a store and ask myself the question: Will I regret not having purchased this if I find myself stuck in quarantine for the next two months?

If the answer is yes, I’m hoping I have the courage to flop down my credit card, each and every time.

The Day After #5: The Fun Home

And that leads to my final item. I want a fun home. A place where anyone would want to stay and hang out, because there’s just so much to do.

Don’t get me wrong. My house is a blast, from many perspectives. Three fun people live here and we enjoy our days immensely. But the walls can easily start to feel old. And it takes a lot of work to build a home filled with never-ending what to do.

So while I’m out wielding that credit card like some lunatic who thinks he makes a whole lot more money than he actually does, I hope to find myself thinking what would make my house a more exciting place to be, and to walk around stores thinking about how I can make that happen.

What will your day after look like?

Coronavirus won’t be ruining our lives forever. There is a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel. I don’t want to be the same person on the other side. I want to be better. I want to have gained some perspective. And I want to have an amazing life.

And I want to be thoroughly prepared if something like this ever happens again.

What will be different for you when you emerge from your home once again?

***

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New Book Announcement: Health and Fitness… for Regular People

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Well, here it is. My fourth book: Health and Fitness… for Regular People. And it was quite a pleasure writing on a subject I am so utterly passionate about. I hope I can successfully hand my knowledge and education over to you as well.

Here is a small taste of everything you’ll find inside Health and Fitness… for Regular People. You should grab a copy. And one for a friend as well. I think you’ll like it.

Health and Fitness for Regular People: The Exercise You are Doing

“The exercise you are doing is and will always be better than the exercise you are not doing.” -Ch. 1

Exercise is more than just running and weightlifting. It’s any physical activity that gets your heartrate up. And it’s all good for you!

The most important part is exercising. Which exercise you choose is somewhat inconsequential. What you need is sustainability, so you’ll voluntarily continue your exercise for years to come.

So choose something you love, and go ahead and do the hell out of it.

Health and Fitness for Regular People: Good Form Today

“Use good form today so you can continue exercising like a beast tomorrow as well.” -Ch. 2

It’s very common for people to just charge into an exercise endeavor without any training or instruction. They don’t have a clue what they are doing, and are setting themselves up for weaker gains and an almost inevitable injury.

One of the reasons people ignore proper form is because they want to do things that look cooler. They want to toss around a heavier weight. Maybe to make themselves feel stronger. Maybe to theoretically impress someone else in the room.

However, this is flawed in so many ways. Nowhere near the least among them: Not doing things correctly will have you stuck at home in no time, nursing an injured shoulder or knee. Want great gains from your workout? You’ll need consistency. And if you’re injured, it will be a big, fat setback.

So you should focus on doing things correctly today, so we’ll see you back at it again tomorrow as well.

Health and Fitness for Regular People: The Most Supportive Environment

“You will never find a more supportive environment than a quality gym. It will be a giant room of people cheering you on, who absolutely cannot wait to see what you look like in six months.” -Ch. 3

It’s easy to be shy about a new environment. This might be especially true when you’re completely out of shape and walking into a place filled with a bunch of beasts in ridiculously good shape.

But worry not! A quality gym is the most supportive environment you will ever find. They want you there. You motivate them as much as they’ll motivate you.

Why? Because you’ve made the conscious decision to take back your life. And that’s as inspiring as it gets.

Health and Fitness for Regular People: What You Think You Know

” Stay current. And don’t be afraid to challenge what you think you know. ” -Ch. 6

Health and Fitness information changes faster than anyone can imagine. And not only is it vital to stay on top of the latest news, but it’s very easy to get trapped in outdated modes of thinking.

Are eggs healthy? What about soy? How much cardio should I do? What’s the best kind? Shouldn’t I avoid saturated fat? Or is it the best thing that’s ever happened to the human diet?

It can get overwhelming, for sure. And in Health and Fitness… for Regular People, I give tactics to try and help you not get overwhelmed. Nevertheless, never assume you know everything, or that the latest knowledge hasn’t changed. There’s so much to learn. But don’t forget to relearn as well!

Health and Fitness for Regular People: Forget About Yesterday

“Learn to pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments and not beat yourself up about the mishaps along the journey.” -Ch. 6

Getting to a healthy place in life includes learning to forgive yourself when things don’t go your way. We’re not perfect. We’ll make mistakes and have setbacks.

But we shouldn’t let them get us down, and we should always try and put the past behind us. Tomorrow is not just a new day. It’s a fantastic day to become an even better person.

In order to succeed, we need to learn to celebrate accomplishments. And to move when things don’t go our way. Crap happens. It’s unavoidable. It’s how we handle it today, and even more so tomorrow, that distinguishes those destined for greatness.

Health and Fitness for Regular People: Sugar Sugar Sugar

“… if you want freedom from a powerful and unfortunate sugar addiction, you need to decide that you’re in it for keeps. ” -Ch. 7

I am a sugar addict. It’s a problem I battle with literally every day of my life. In Health and Fitness… for Regular People I talk about how I’ve overcome my sugar addiction, my consistent struggles with sugar, and why all of this is so important to me and my health journey.

Read along to figure out whether or not you’re an addict as well, and to gain strategies to deal with your addiction. It’s hard as hell and takes massive commitment. I’ll be cheering you on from my living room!

Health and Fitness for Regular People: Supplements are Supplemental

“Supplements should be exactly what their name implies: They should be a backup to an already high-quality life. They should not be an attempt to replace one.” -Ch. 9

It’s so easy to get pulled into the notion that health can be purchased at the Vitamin Shoppe for $10. But it’s very far from the truth.

Health begins with nutrition, continues on with fitness and movement, and is topped off with a concerted effort to care greatly for your mental well-being. Anything else is just cherries on top.

Don’t get me wrong. Those cherries can be a fantastic addition to an already extremely healthy lifestyle. But they can never serve as a replacement. That will get you absolutely nowhere. A cherry sitting in an empty bowl is boring and unsatisfying. Place it atop a glorious ice cream sundae, that’s when you achieve perfection.

And thus we have accomplished something special today: The least healthy metaphor ever devised for quality health and fitness.

Health and Fitness for Regular People: Don’t Be Fooled

“… stop being fooled by an industry that doesn’t really care about your healthy-lifestyle goals and just wants your hard-earned cash.” -Ch. 10

There is an industry behind just about every food item we may consume. For the most part, it has one goal in this world: Money money money.

And the quicker you recognize that there’s no one else looking out for your health and wellbeing, the better. You need to learn how to not trust the industry and the government that basically supports all of its efforts. You need to fill yourself up with fountains of knowledge that will keep you safe and fit for many years to come.

The quicker you realize that you’re in charge of your own destiny, the quicker you can sprint toward all your desired accomplishments.

***

Health and Fitness… for Regular People is a book designed for people who want to take back their lives. People who want to be in charge of their fitness and nutrition, without becoming overwhelmed, and without feeling like they’re losing a part of themselves.

It’s a book for normal people. People like you and me. We want to love what we see when we look in the mirror. And we want to feel great and know that we’ll be spending a whole lot of fantastic years on this planet. And we’ll simultaneously not lose ourselves in the effort.

If you want all that and more, order your copy of Health and Fitness… for Regular People today. And while you’re at it, I’m sure your friend could use a copy too!

***

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Five Game-Changer Moments in my Fitness Career

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The Game-Changers

Everyone who exercises hits plateaus and has struggles. We all know what it is like to not accomplish all the goals we wish to accomplish or to get frustrated when we don’t look the way we want to look.

But thank goodness, that doesn’t mean we can’t point to massive success along the way as well. Sometimes that success is in the form of results. We look in the mirror and our waist is a bit trimmer or are arms are noticeably larger.

And other times there are key moments, game-changing moments. Moments we can look at and say with confidence they have forever changed how we do things, and everything will be different now moving forward.

I am constantly researching. Constantly asking questions. Always seeking improvement upon what I already know and upgrades so I can become a better version of myself. And sometimes the payoff is insane.

I would like to explore five obvious game-changer moments. Five times the paradigm shift was so obvious that my fitness career has very clearly not been the same since.

Game-Changer #1: Not the Back I’m Looking For

The first one goes back to the very beginning of my training. I already understood that a rounded back was not a good thing for most exercises. I knew I needed to maintain a strong and neutral curve in my lower back when doing many exercises, and thought I nailed the form perfectly.

A trainer saw me one day and told me my back was rounded. Indignant me scoffed at the possibility I wasn’t as perfect as I thought I was. She politely suggested I do the same exercise in front of a mirror. And what I saw made me want to vomit. I couldn’t have been more wrong about my form.

And from that point onward I never made assumptions about doing anything correctly. I used the mirrors. I researched. I checked and rechecked everything. And not only am I an intense stickler to form to this very day, but I have not had a gym-related injury in well over a decade.

Listen when given advice! Focus on form 100% of the time. And always verify that you’re actually doing things correctly.

Game-Changer #2: Carry On

Sometimes you try a new exercise and immediately afterwards you feel like something has changed in your body. And who knew it would be with an exercise that is so damn simple.

There is no exercise less complex than a weighted carry. In its purest form, you pick up a heavy weight and you just walk with it. But the fitness benefits are off the charts, and somehow it seems like you feel it immediately.

Every time I do this magical exercise, when I put the weights down I feel light on my feet, like I can run and conquer the world. You might have to wait weeks or even months to feel the benefits of some exercises. Others you at least get to feel a strong pump right off the bat.

However, weighted carries are the first time I ever tried an exercise and knew I had immediately revolutionized my fitness routine.

Game-Changer #3: Stop Pushing that Damn Bag

I love hitting the heavy bag. It’s pretty much always my cardio of choice.

But it’s inherently different than every other exercise. You’re not just moving a whole lot and building up a ton of sweat. You’re preparing for the moment when someone is trying to punch you in the face. And it’s very much in your best interest for that not to happen.

And so you treat it with a greater level of urgency. Do a different exercise wrong and you feel elbow pain or your calf begins to ache. Do this one wrong, and you’re beaten to a pulp.

And thus it has been my experience that people are more receptive to unsolicited advice with the heavy bag than with all other exercises.

Just like I was when a former boxing coach told me I needed to strike the bag, not push it. Whenever you see a novice hitting a heavy bag, that thing is flopping all over the place. And the puncher feels great, like they’re accomplishing so much.

However, if you really evaluate what they’re doing, you find out they could be hitting the bag harder. They’re really just shoving the bag all around. And worst of all, they’re right in front of the bag. If it were a person, they’d be getting hit in the face. A lot.

So I learned to snap my arm out and hit the bag with the end of the punch. Standing close enough to hit and far enough to not be hit. The bag moves much less, and my time in the gym is forever changed.

Game-Changer #4: What the Hell is a Hinge?

There are a handful of exercises that are the cornerstone of the gym, but two really are the most important in any exercise arsenal: The squat and the deadlift. You’ll find Scrawny Joe in the corner doing bicep curls all day long, gaining a whole lot of nothing. But Beth the Beast, she’ll be doing deadlifts until she drops, with sweat filling up the whole gym, and gains galore.

So, of course, I made these two mega-important movements staples of my routine as well. The problem was: At some point, I started noticing that I felt like what I was doing was the same exercise, but I was calling it two different things.

That couldn’t be right. I hit the internet and hit it hard. Ultimately I would find the same statement over and over again to explain the difference between squats and deadlifts. The squat is a squat movement, but the deadlift is a hinge movement.

All clear, right?

Not. At. All.

And thus began the process of really digging and digging until I fully and completely understood the difference between a squat and a hinge, and then breaking years of bad habits so I could benefit from this knowledge. And benefit I did!

I lot of research and hard work, and I have not been the same person since. Total game-changer.

Game-Changer #5: The Simple Tweak

Every exercise should be done with impeccable form. It is the heart of making gains and not getting injured. However, there are levels. Every exercise can be tweaked and tweaked, growing more and more effective with each slight adjustment.

And that’s where intense research comes in, and pays off time and time again.

For almost every exercise I do, I can recall a video or an article in which the slightest adjustment took my workouts to another level. For back exercises, picture yourself pulling with your elbows, not with your hands. For chest exercises, pull your shoulders back and lead with your chest. Don’t look down when squatting, either straight ahead or slightly up.

And the list goes on and on. For every exercise out there, if it’s not doing what it’s supposed to, or you’re not feeling it to the level you want to, there’s a slight adjustment just waiting for you around the corner. All you need to do is keep learning, and you’ll eventually find it.

And it will be a game-changer!

***

What do all five of these game-changers have in common? They all involve being receptive to knowledge from outside of our own bubble. We should read articles and books, all the time. Watch videos. Listen to trainers. Research and learn and be excessively receptive to the possibility of wisdom coming from every corner.

When we do that, changing the game will become the norm. And every day we can reach a whole new level.

***

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5 Unexpected Benefits of Corona

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Benefits of a deadly virus, a global pandemic that has terrorized us all? Coronavirus has been an absolute disaster for the world! No one has escaped the misery and pain this ubiquitous tragedy has wrought through every inch of the known universe.

And yet, in every moment of woe, there are countless positive expected outcomes and benefits. Discount stores tend to do very well during difficult financial times. Everyone could have predicted how well streaming services would fare with everyone locked indoors. And there’s a certain pleasure to the relative quiet many of us are experiencing. Social pressure is out the window. We can all enjoy the calm of our own homes without anyone telling us there is something wrong with us.

However, some of the positive outcomes and benefits I couldn’t have imagined. I’d like to talk about five:

Benefit #1: Yay, the Trash!

Sunlight and fresh air are so terribly important and beneficial. But it’s very easy to get used to them and not appreciate them at all. That is, of course, until you’re denied any access whatsoever.

I have never felt myself so excited to have an excuse to go outside. Walk my dog. Throw out the trash. Even bring out the recycling! As long as I have an opportunity to feel a bit of the outside world, and an undeniably permitted reason to venture to the great outdoors, I am quite happy.

I hope that when this is all behind us, I’ll still appreciate how great it is to get outside. And I’ll run to the dumpster with the same alacrity as I currently do.

Benefit #2: Meme Mania!

If you’ve spent even a couple of minutes on social media recently, you’ll see a whole new world of humor. Memes about the virus. Quips about quarantine. A whole new world of humor filling up the internet.

I recently saw someone rip into someone else on Facebook for posting one of the comical memes. His contention was that this is no time for humor. The time would be better spent educating his children about infectious diseases and cleanliness. He maintained that the best way to cope with the current situation is through knowledge and understanding of what we’re dealing with.

I (against my better judgment, as usual) argued. I said that humor is and has always been a fantastic way to cope with crisis. And it’s so true. We’re trapped in our homes every single day. Stepping out of our domains contains a true threat of death for us and anyone we may come into contact with. And we are more than well aware of all of this. We need to laugh a little at the insanity around us, or it will be unbearable.

And thank goodness, the laughter has been abundant. Keep up the great work!

Benefit #3: Reconnecting

So we’re not hitting the bars. Our social lives have kind of taken a break. We very likely haven’t met any new people in some time now.

And the hours pass with all of us trying to figure out new and interesting ways to pass the time. One of the popular ways I’ve seen folk going about this is by reconnecting with old friends.

I hate phone calls. Like, really hate phone calls. With a passion. I would take just about any form of communication over a phone call, and I have to psyche myself up before pushing the call button. Every single time.

And even I picked up the phone and called an old friend. He’s one of the few people I know in this world who’s off the grid (ie, not on Facebook). I was worried about him and his family, and I knew if I wanted to find out how he was doing, I’d actually have to conquer the silly phone.

And I was so glad I did.

I’ve heard so many stories of people reconnecting with old friends. And it’s a beautiful thing. We’re forced, if you will, to reconnect with the many people we’ve been in touch with throughout our lives.

And it’s such a fantastic benefit to an otherwise crappy circumstance!

Benefit #4: All in the Family



Multi Generation Family Playing Soccer In Garden

The other day was Shabbat, and I looked outside and saw the soccer field I see all the time, but looking quite different from how it normally looks.

Instead of dozens of loud, screaming teenagers playing soccer together, I saw a family of five having the time of their lives.

We had a similar family basketball game the other day, and we had a blast. I even got it in a few times, which is not the norm for me.

Generally, kids run off and play with their own. Certainly teenagers don’t want to hang around with the old folk (except for my weird son). And if given the option, kids of all ages would like to run away from the house and party like rockstars with kids their own age.

But that’s not an option these days. Families are forced to hang out together. And if we’re going to do it, we’re going to do it right.

So here we are, with another beautiful unexpected benefit. Families are together again. And we’re enjoying the hell out of a brand new reality.

Benefit #5: Only in the Darkness…

This one is bittersweet. Why? Because the nastiness of some highlights the impressive kindness of the others.

We have seen people ignoring the rules, at risk to themselves and others. And we have seen governments flop and flounder in their attempts to solve the crisis.

One of the downsides to my job at the moment is it has made me see how the base nature of the masses has not shifted at all. So many are trying to use the situation to make a profit off the suffering of others. And it’s almost shocking to see how scammers keep on scamming, en masse, despite all the misery going on around them. They haven’t slowed in the slightest.

Yet kindness abounds. The internet has been flooded with people offering free and inexpensive resources and entertainment, so people can maintain some semblance of normalcy while the world collapses in every direction. And so we can enjoy our isolation as much as possible.

We are shopping for those in quarantine. Comforting the many around us who are suffering tragic losses. Reaching out to those who are sad or lonely. The list is endless.

“Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” One of my favorite quotes. We are truly living in the darkest of times. And we can use this time to do everything from cause hurt to absolutely nothing at all. Or we can use this time for great introspection, and for becoming better versions of ourselves.

May our stars shine bright.

***

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Quarantine: Time for a Little Quiet Reflection

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So it’s two weeks into my relative closure from the world, as we currently experience the most insanely dull apocalypse imaginable. Time for a little reflection.

First, for those who don’t know what it looks like in Israel at the moment, the restrictions have been increasing steadily almost every day. At the time of writing the rules are basically as follows: We should only go outside for necessities, walking should only be within 100 meters of our residences, and basically everything is closed except for medical and groceries.

The Restrictions Grew

At first life was mostly normal, but when things seemed to be getting worse and worse, the restrictions started piling on. And here we are. For two weeks I’ve only left my home to walk my dog, go shopping, or pick up and drop off my kids.

I work from home and love my home and my family. Being here isn’t a challenge. Being here all day every day? Well, I can certainly say it’s a bit much. And I wonder when I and others will reach our breaking point.

Time to Reflect

Some thoughts (I mean, what else am I going to do but think anyway?):

I took my dog for a walk yesterday, Shabbat afternoon. I was outside for maybe ten minutes. In that short amount of time, I saw three blatant violations of the current rules. Two were synagogues with prayer gatherings and the other was a large group of children playing together in the courtyard of my building.

I barely went anywhere, and saw all of this in my brief walk. I can’t fathom what must be happening in other places in the country. And can only imagine things will get much worse as long as so many people are willing to put their own needs ahead of those of their communities.

Ticking Timebombs

I am honestly appalled at the lack of consideration so many people have. Yes, I know you think you’re bulletproof, and this plague will never land on your doorstep. Even if that were true (and it’s very much not), how do you look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you sent your germy children outside as little ticking timebombs to the sick and elderly of the neighborhood, just because you needed some quiet time or didn’t have the wherewithal to entertain your kids? And how do you think God feels about the prayers of those who blatantly spread a virus that (at the time of writing) has killed nearly 50,000 people?

Fear and Confusion

And now as I walk my dog every day, I walk in total fear. Yes, I’m afraid I will contract a deadly illness or bring it back into my household. But, sadly, I’m equally afraid of getting stopped by the police and questioned as to why I’m outside or a certain distance from my home.

Certain rules make a lot of sense. They are black and white, and they are easy to enforce. Public transportation is shut down. Group sports are not permitted. Gyms are closed.

But what about rules that are subjective? Is my going outside a necessity? Perhaps I should have a pile of trash bags filling up my living room. Or I should let my dog crap all over the floor.

We are told not to walk more than 100 meters from our homes. Why 100 meters? If I walk my dog 120 meters, but avoided all contact with people along the way, and came home right away and washed my hands, am I a lawbreaker?

Baseless Fears?

Sadly, they’re not baseless fears. I’m now hearing story after story. A friend was given a warning by the police while walking his dog. A girl was fined for walking to the grocery store! No one is being asked the appropriate questions, and no citizen is trusted. And the stories are increasing.

And so I walk the streets, fully within the spirit of the rules, not a threat to myself or others. And yet I do so in fear. And my fear of getting harassed by the police or receiving an unfair 500 shekel fine in difficult times has surpassed my fear of suffering from Coronavirus, struggling to breathe on a ventilator.

Kudos Israel.

Coronavirus: Anything Else?

When I look on the Israeli news, yes, of course, it is dominated by Coronavirus. What isn’t about Coronavirus?

Nevertheless, I see two other things that bother me tremendously. First and foremost, a whole lot of discussions about politics.

A matter of months ago, we didn’t have a whole lot to talk about in Israel. All discussion was focused on the elections, and how inane it seemed that we were voting for a third time, with a huge likelihood of doing the whole thing a fourth time. Well, that, and a butter shortage.

And now all we are talking about is quarantines and social distancing, like everyone else on the face of the planet. And, frankly, the stupid elections are absolutely meaningless to me. Your political squabbles and power grabs are thoroughly unimportant. They matter to literally no one.

Politicians, Do We Care?

You, the politicians of Israel, have massive responsibilities right now. Your country is in crisis. The numbers are climbing rapidly. And your job is to keep us safe. And to reassure us that not only will we survive the Coronavirus, but we will do so without getting harassed by police officers, assaulted by spouses, and without permanent financial ruin.

And I literally couldn’t care less who’s sitting in the driver’s seat right now, so long as you do your job well.

Stop Patting Yourself on the Back

Which leads me to the other thing I keep seeing whenever the government addresses the people: A whole lot of praising itself for the incredible job it is doing.

I am forever grateful for the hard work of our medical professionals and volunteers who are working day and night, at great risk to themselves and their families. You deserve all the praise in the world.

But our leadership should stop patting itself on the back. You didn’t shut the borders when you were supposed to. Things are not improving, at all. You’re continuously piling on new rules, and simultaneously creating discord between segments of the population, confusion about details, and new fears to heap on top of all the already existing ones.

You deserve praise only on the day when your desire to protect your citizens is greater than your need to remain in power.

Stay safe, world.

And wash your damn hands!

***

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Corona: Fears and Hope

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Corona Fears

I’ll admit it. I’m scared.

Several weeks ago, I was among the many among us who didn’t take any of this Corona business seriously. I’ve been around for a handful of scares here and there, and it’s always felt like the media is obsessed with working us up into a frenzy.

Well, of course they are!

The Big Bad Media

If you tell people it’s going to snow tomorrow, they say, “Hmm. Interesting.” And they move on with their day.

But if you tell them it’s Snowpocalypse, now you have everyone’s attention. They’ll check the news constantly, and you’ll have them eating out of the palm of your hand.

And even though the next day we might get a few flurries, most will still fall for the trick time and time again.

But for me, it’s like the reporter who cried “wolf”. I heard of the Corona scare, and immediately assumed sensationalism. I thought we were being worked up in order to sell newspapers.

Corona: Here We Are

And here we are. Thousands are dead. Thousands more are in quarantine. I’m bored out of my skull, spending countless hours cramped up indoors. And no one knows when this thing will end.

But my Coronavirus fears go way beyond illness or even death. For certain, I’m among the many who don’t wish to be near anyone for fear of getting sick or ending up in quarantine, and thus facing even further isolation. But there is a whole lot to be afraid of right now.

Some Kids Played Soccer…

Last night I heard noise coming from my window. I looked outside and saw several teenagers playing soccer in the field across the way.

Now, this field is mega-popular. It’s filled with people and sport all day long. But not lately. Now playing organized sports is on the long list of banned activities, and the field remains empty all day every day.

So these boys were out there, yelling and having a blast, in direct contradiction to the standing orders we are all subject to right now. And after they were out there for a while, a passerby called the police, who arrived shortly and dispersed the teens. Who most certainly went home angry, frustrated, and bored.

Corona “Violations”

But let’s look a bit deeper at what happened here.

Essentially, kids just played outside. On the surface, they did nothing wrong. And one side of me understands why they were there, and sympathizes with their need to feel some level of normalcy in their lives.

On the other hand, the numbers keep climbing, and it’s likely due to continuous violation of the rules. So the Coronavirus rules aren’t working, and are thus getting stricter and stricter. And making all of our lives worse by the minute.

Damned if they do…

So, I’m scared if they don’t go out and play. And I’m even more scared if they do.

If they don’t, the most complicated problem we can be facing is what happens when you have thousands of bored teenagers itching to get the hell out of their houses. How long before they terrorize the neighborhoods? How long before their inability to play soccer becomes vandalism and harassment? Or worse!

And how long before simply going outside is a criminal offense, punishable by fines or even imprisonment? When will military vehicles wander the streets making sure everyone is behaving in accordance with the law?

What will Israel be when citizen is, once again, pit against soldier or police officer? How long before everyone forgets that we’re all on the same side with one common goal?

The Fears are Abundant

And that’s not the only thing I fear.

For the most part, I’m only leaving the house to walk my dog or to go shopping. Along the way, I pass quite a lot of people. And the general feeling I get as I pass just about everyone is mistrust and disgust. It’s like we’re all silently enemies with one another, angry at our neighbors since they might have some invisible particles in or on them that could get us sick.

How long does it take before we develop new habits based on our current reality? Will these odd negative feelings toward perfect strangers still be a part of our psyches or behaviors when these imaginary walls surrounding us finally come tumbling down?

Life Post-Corona

And some of my biggest fears are about life post-Corona.

There are scares that happen all the time. We’re accustomed to getting nervous and then watching everything just blow over like it was never there. But I fear our response to anything that comes our way post-Corona will forever be mass panic.

The news will tell us of some odd flu passing through Europe, and the next thing you know everyone will be wearing masks and there will be no toilet paper in any of the supermarkets. People will fear going outside or socializing with anyone.

Indeed, we’ve had some hard times already. And we have many more ahead of us, for sure. But the world is a different place now. Just like anyone who remembers how different the airport experience has become since 9/11, we’ll all look back and discuss how things were different before the Coronavirus overturned our lives.

Some Good in Corona?

Maybe some good will come our way. Who knows? I’ve always wondered what it would take to bring unity to an otherwise very messy planet. It might not be the most luxurious way to create a bond, but a common enemy is a tried and true way to unite disparate elements. It’s happened time and time again, and shouldn’t really matter if our enemy is invisible.

We are all one on this planet. If I learned anything from years of hosting Couch Surfers, we are all way more similar than we are different. Yes, we might speak different languages. And have some different practices and food preferences. But we’re all pretty darn similar. And to be certain, we all really want to survive.

The Other Side

I long for a day when our differences can be pushed to the side in favor of looking deeply at how much we need one another, and how our lives are so greatly enhanced by the existence of one another.

We can get through this. We will get through this. Together.

And hopefully the world we find on the other side of this tragedy will be one we all still love living in. Maybe even more so.

***

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Life and Death: Gaining a Little Perspective

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I have been blessed. I am in my 40s and still quite in touch with my beloved parents. My brothers are alive and well.

I only really grew up with one grandparent, and even though her passing was and continues to be extremely painful for me, this lack of older adults in my life combined with my obvious blessings have left me ill-prepared for certain aspects of this world.

I Don’t Understand Death

I don’t understand death. I never have. And certain recent events and realizations have reminded me of how uncomfortable I feel on a day-to-day basis. I wake up every day not fully understanding that those who are gone are actually gone.

I still want to chat with them and laugh with them. I haven’t quite come to terms with the fact that this will never happen again.

That Stage in Life

I’m getting to that stage in life where I find out about the passing of people in my life all the time. I have no fewer than seven friends on Facebook who have left this world. And every time I see their precious faces, I am flooded with regrets and sadness. Sometimes even shame, when I think deeply about what could have and should have happened with our relationships.

And to make matters more intense for me, there is a certain unnatural nature to so many of the deaths that have affected me over these years. I am hearing about the deaths of former students and campers. Children! People who should leave this world well after I’m gone. Who were taken from those who love them well before their time.

The Worst Death

And until my late 20s, I had never been directly impacted by someone taking their own life. And then my yeshiva received a message that none of us would ever forget. A student who had studied in the school for a brief period, someone who I studied with daily while he was there, was gone.

His depression, a depression none of us even knew existed, had overtaken him. Yosef had taken his own life. He would never visit the school again. None of us would ever hang out or have a polite conversation.

His family would never embrace him again.

And here I stand over a decade later. No fewer than four friends have committed suicide. Four people I’ve had lovely conversations with. Four souls removed from this world way before their prime. People who have had an impact on my life, and people whose lives I had impacted.

Are They Really Gone

And I still wake up in the morning expecting them to reply to an old message on Facebook. I expect to find out it was all a bad dream or a cruel joke. There is no part of me that has accepted that they are gone, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I don’t know when I’ll cross the threshold. I just don’t know when mortality is something my mind will accept or understand. Is it about numbers? Or personal maturity?

I lived for years during an Intifada in Israel. There were reports nearly daily of deaths due to terror attacks. Some impacted me more directly, some were just stories I read about on the news. They all hurt. They all provoked strong emotions. But no matter what happened, ultimately I moved on.

I moved on in that I went ahead with my day. I continued forward, attempting to confidently and competently do the things I needed to do. But I also moved on in that nothing progressed my acceptance. It didn’t matter if literally thousands of my neighbors were killed. Death remained and remains a terribly foreign concept to me.

Death in our New Age

And now, here we are. Facing challenges neither I nor anyone ever thought we’d experience. Hearing up-to-the-minute reports of an ever-climbing death toll. With life restrictions none of us thought we would ever see, and news reports that feel more like a movie than real life.

And that’s really the heart of the matter. This is real life, and I imagine I’m not alone in having trouble accepting it. As I wandered through an empty grocery store yesterday, among people with face masks, panicking when someone coughed right next to me, I felt my system start to shudder.

I knew the moment my gym was closed, I would react very poorly. Up to that point, my basic routine was not really impacted. I work from home. My life is basically home, gym, and shopping. A great disruption to one of those elements sent me reeling. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to have everything turned on its head.

Relative Pettiness

Yet, I’m aware of the relative pettiness of my difficulties. I’m still healthy. I have a loving relationship with my spouse and four unbelievable children. My job is moving forward like there isn’t a nasty pandemic consuming the world. And isolation is by no means the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. In fact, there are aspects of the experience I kind of enjoy. It’s a simpler life.

But I walk around every day confused. I keep waking up in the morning thinking this will all be a bad memory. The streets will be crowded and noisy once again. I’ll finish my workday and run out to my gym like everything’s normal. And like my confusion about mortality, the reality that things won’t be back to normal for some time has not yet settled in.

The New Reality

And these two realities, death and life disruption, can very easily bump into one another very soon. If things continue on the path they’re going, I’ll be face-to-face with my death discomfort before I know it and at levels I never thought imaginable.

I do not know if I’ll ever learn to cope with major life disruptions. And I hope I get to enjoy the ignorance of not understanding death for decades to come. But if I’m forced to confront both of these fears at once, I hope and pray that I’m strong enough to endure it all, that I have the right support system around me to remain calm and focused. And that the challenges I face are never too far outside what I can handle.

May we all be healthy and safe, and get to the other side of this disaster unscathed.

***

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The “Complete” Life: Five Essential Lessons Marriage Has Taught Me

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Yes, I’ve tackled one complete year of marriage. We’ve had a lot of fun, been through a lot together. And we are continuously learning about each other. And ourselves.

When we’re in our teens we think we know everything. And, of course, we’re eventually woken to the reality that we know almost nothing. Yet it’s so easy along the way to get cocky again. To think we have a clue. And those quick moments of wondering whether or not we have an idea of what the world’s about, they are eventually crushed. They are left unrecognizable.

This post is dedicated to five things I’ve learned about myself in my first year of marriage. Five bits and pieces about my life that I was unaware of, and now, for better or worse, I am painfully aware of.

1) I’m Still Quite Vulnerable

Divorce can have an interesting effect on a person. I walked away from the experience feeling small. Feeling like I had no place in this world. I had lost everything that was valuable or important to me. And if I wanted to be depressed, all I needed to do was find a moment without distraction. The awful thoughts would come rushing back to me.

So I built up walls. I reestablished myself. And tried to turn myself into essentially a heartless robot, who cannot be hurt. I had felt enough pain in my life. I didn’t want to leave myself open for any more suffering.

I entered a relationship and marriage feeling bulletproof, and quickly realized how incredibly wrong I was. I had successfully put up a facade. The facade was so convincing that even I thought it was real.

But I’m still fully capable of hurt. My heart is wide open and it wouldn’t take too much to cause me agony and suffering.

2) I’m Not as Strong as I Thought I Was

I was certain that I had built up enough strength and fortitude to handle just about anything life could throw my way. I had felt emotions that were more painful than any I’d ever experienced. I had been through the ringer and managed to dust myself off.

So what could possibly hurt me?

The answer: Almost anything.

I could spend half my week in the gym. And I could give an outward appearance of extreme stoicism. But when real feelings and real emotions were back in my life, I realized that I wasn’t anywhere near as strong as I may have thought.

3) I’m Stronger than I Thought I Was

Yet at the same time, I was also far stronger than one might expect. I was stronger than most may have thought, considering how I got to where I was.

Logically, I should have crashed under my pressure a long time ago. I should have crumpled up under all I had been through.

A short time ago I was convinced that I could never get married again. There were too many bruises that were just not healing up, or that I learned to not consider as relevant.

I even stopped dating. It seemed pointless to me. It wasn’t causing me suffering. No… suffering involves being invested in the endeavor. I was disinterested. It didn’t matter to me in the slightest.

And yet only a short time later I was able to push myself to be in a committed relationship. I was able to allow myself to be emotionally evolved, enough that I could easily be hurt. And I had the strength to go down upon one knee and change my life forever.

And on top of all that, despite everything that has happened, I get up every day and try and make the world a better place, for me and the people who mean the most to me.

Yes, there are times I feel weak. And yes, I am beyond any doubt quite vulnerable. But I have persevered through so much, and despite knowing there are a whole lot more challenges waiting right around the corner, I know I’ll conquer them as well.

4) I Don’t Want to… but I Need to Fight Back

There are major complications that have plagued the last several years. Some of them I’ve learned to deal with, some of them I’ve learned to ignore, and some of them I have just coped with silently. This last category has chipped away at my soul, just a little bit here and there. Every single day.

But complacency is so much easier than taking up arms and reclaiming one’s life. It is so much simpler to just sit back and enjoy status quo than to face reality head on.

But sometimes life backs you in a corner. You are left incapable of just letting the world harm you anymore. There is just too much at stake now.

And so the time has come to find that place within me, to face all my fears and concerns, and to restore some balance to the world. Will it be easy? Not a chance. Will it come with complications along the way? Most definitely.

But there’s no longer a choice.

5) I’m Still Incomplete

I’ve often stated that marriage is not meant for two incomplete people to complete one another. That notion to me is both naive and childish. Marriage is for two complete souls to come together and create something greater than either part would be separately.

I still believe this. In fact, I’m pretty darn certain of this.

What I’m not as certain of is how complete I am personally.

I sat back in Kansas, alone, working on myself, trying to become a better and stronger person. And to be sure, I became a better person. And a far stronger one as well.

But I was far from complete. I am far from complete.

I have a massive amount of work to do on myself, and a lifetime of reflection ahead of me. No, marriage won’t complete me or anybody else. But it certainly does help shine a light on oneself, and gives a more accurate perspective of where you’re truly holding in life.

***

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