David Andrew Jaffe's Blog, page 21

Surviving the Inane Lockdown from Hell

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Israel is currently in the midst of its second tiresome and burdensome lockdown.

We’re an absolute mess right now, with shockingly high infection rates and a steadily climbing death rate. And I can’t help but think, we’re getting exactly what we might expect to get.

Lots of Finger Pointing… Not Much Else

The government is pointing fingers at the individuals ignoring the rules. The average citizen on the street is pointing fingers at the government. And the fact is: We’re all to blame. And we need only point fingers right back at ourselves for not creating an environment where this type of situation wasn’t an inevitability.

Just before the lockdown started, I took a trip to the post office. I was appalled by what I saw. The website said one closing time, the door said a different time, and a very under-capable worker who let people in was saying something else entirely.

The lack of information and intelligent systems meant everyone was huddled in one big group, everyone trying to figure out how they could get into the office first. People would gather around, shove, and shout. If they needed a break, they’d stand right outside the crowd… smoking. Every once in a while the worker would open the door to shout something vague and unhelpful.

After twenty minutes of this pure insanity, and making no progress toward accomplishing my simple task, I walked away. It wasn’t worth the tension. It certainly wasn’t worth risking getting a deadly virus.

We Need Intelligence, Not Lockdown

The whole incident made me wonder about many painful things.

This is a country filled with brilliant minds. Why aren’t so many of those glorious brains being put to work to find better solutions to complicated situations?

My mother went to a hospital in America where she sat in her car and waited for them to call to say it was her turn. So simple. So brilliant.

And our moronic post office basically just tells us to huddle outside like street scum, hoping and praying we’re not standing too close to someone with a lethal illness.

Grocery Store Lockdown

When the first lockdown happened, the only real reason we had to leave the home was to go to the grocery store. But even that could be avoided through delivery. Of course, no one wants to do delivery because of the extra expense and the extremely long wait to receive the groceries.

Can no one come up with a solution for these two dilemmas? Can the grocery stores not hire more drivers and do more deliveries? Can the government not purchase more vehicles for the stores to use? Perhaps provide stipends to stores to temporarily reduce or even eliminate the delivery fees?

Where’s the creative problem solving that made Israel the Start-up Nation? Where’s the brilliant ability to handle a crisis we are so famous for? Perhaps rather than focusing on peace deals so Trump can get reelected and patting themselves on the back by citing unreliable studies about how well Israel is handling the situation, they could work hard to actually solve the problem. Perhaps they could pretend that if they don’t, our country might literally be doomed.

No Benefit to Compliance

Another thing I learned from these experiences is that there is no reward for working hard to make things better here.

My gym is, once again, closed. They did everything correctly. There was hand sanitizer everywhere. No one was able to go in without arriving in a mask and without having their temperature checked. They clean all the time. They even went above and beyond, purchasing dividers to put between cardio machines.

What’s the reward? The third closure they’ve experienced so far. Yet the aforementioned post office gets to stay open. Synagogues get to stay open, and are largely unmonitored to ensure compliance with the rules. The ridiculous protests get to surge on, despite being mass infection spreaders with minimal to no social distancing.

There is no benefit to compliance, because the rules that are tossed out are haphazard and illogical.

Always Better to Smoke

Before the lockdown, my son was walking 45 minutes to his Jiu Jitsu classes. Why was he walking? He’s afraid to take the bus. It’s a small, enclosed area filled with people who can’t navigate masks. Not to mention the horror stories we keep hearing of violent fights breaking out on buses over whether or not masks should be required.

It was in the middle of a heatwave. He was outdoors. He was walking quite intensely. And there was no one else around him. And my poor kid was threatened by a police officer because he wasn’t wearing his mask!

The running joke in our family is that if he had only been smoking, it would have been OK and he wouldn’t have been stopped. Why? Because somehow or other it’s an unwritten rule in this crazy place that masks are not required if you’re grotesquely ruining your lungs and those of everyone around you.

The Inane Lockdown Policies

No one knows what 500 meters looks like. No one knows the definition of an “essential service”. And for the most part, a quick glance outside shows no one is really interested in paying any attention to this lockdown.

But I’m again prevented from the one activity that keeps me sane. And I’m watching as the economy is rapidly collapsing around all of us.

And again, I’m stuck at home. Listening to construction all day, every day. Because for some bizarre reason, that’s been allowed since day one. Yes, we are not only forced to stay in our homes, but we must do so listening to jackhammers and drills the entire time.

Sukkot Lockdown

And as I’m writing this very post, I found out that the country just ruled that it is illegal to host people in Sukkot during the upcoming holiday. The penalty for violations is 500 shekels!

Let’s put aside the fact that notifying the public of this new law less than 48 hours before the holiday is nothing short of pure negligence. And I’ll even put aside the fact they let people eat at restaurants next to perfect strangers for months, and now won’t allow you to sit outdoors with close friends and family.

But how exactly do they plan to uphold this law? There really only are two possibilities:

First, the police could patrol neighborhoods and invade people’s sukkot. They will aggressively ask questions, maybe even check IDs. Yes, they will march through the streets of Israel, making sure we have no social interactions outdoors.

Alternatively, they will wait until someone contacts them. “Excuse me, police. My neighbor is having an outdoor meal with what looks like their brother’s family and a couple of single ladies. Can you come here immediately and solve Coronavirus?”

Angry in Lockdown

I’m sorry, but I’m angry. I’m really, really angry. When does someone take responsibility for causing the problems or not doing intelligent things to solve them?

Why are we in this mess right now? We are exactly where any intelligent observer could have predicted us being. Israelis aren’t going to follow rules, our government isn’t going to make calculated decisions, and those of us who try to do the right thing are going to continue to suffer through all the lockdown mayhem.

When are things going to get better?

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Trapped Under the Burden of Information

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The Burden of Information: The Open Book

I have unwittingly placed the weight of the world on my shoulders. And I’m not positive I want it there.

In my blog and my books, I write about a whole lot of very personal topics. True, I do have lines I don’t cross, but for the most part, my life is out there for the world to know and do with as they please.

And I like it. I like being an open book to people around me. I like not having to hide behind a facade that life is a giant ball of cherries or that Israel is a perfect dreamland. It’s all out on the table. I feel honest and empowered.

The Burden of Information: Writing is Catharsis

Not to mention the unbelievable catharsis! Writing is how I process my thoughts and feelings. If I can express myself in a clear, concise way, it means I’m talking about something on my mind. Often something that confuses or bothers me. By the time I’ve completed the writing process, I understand more than I did before.

More. That is not to say I have gained extensive wisdom or consider myself in any way an expert. It just means I’m the tiniest step closer to understanding something important to me. It means the world is ever so slightly clearer to me than it was yesterday.

And it feels good. It feels really good!

The Burden of Information: I’m Out There

And I like to think I talk about topics that are not always spoken about. And I’m honest in a way that is unexpected for many.

And it’s put me out there. It’s put me out there as someone who’s been through a lot. It’s put me out there as someone who is open about his feelings on several hard topics. And it’s put me out there as a minor “authority” on issues that I’ve faced and have come out of the fire standing tall, happy, confident, and proud.

And in the process, people reach out. I’m happy to be there for any and all of my friends. I want to be a voice that can help pull them up from the muck of their situation. And I certainly want to be a shoulder they can cry on.

But each time it chips away at my soul. Just a little bit.

The Burden of Information: Covered by the Muck of the World

What happens when the muck of the world gets poured out all over you?

Two things. One, you are trapped under the burden of thousands of secrets. It is second nature for most of us to chat about all the crazy things we hear throughout the day. But that’s when the information is innocent. When what you know is extremely private and can potentially cause untold harm if in the wrong hands, then what you know weighs you down.

You are trapped beneath piles of painful tidbits of knowledge, and you don’t know if there’s any way to crawl out from under it.

The Burden of Information: The World is an Illusion

In addition, you lack an innocent vision of the world. If only everything were as wonderful as it appeared on Facebook. Everyone took lovely trips to the beach. All your friends were giddy and smiling all the time. Each and every relationship was a glowing example of how people should treat one another.

We all know it’s not true. But we love the illusion that it is. We want to go from day to day not only believing that the world around is filled with great and happy people, treating each other kindly, and living peaceful and pleasureful lives. And our minds do whatever possible to preserve the illusion.

But when the complications of the world are all wide out in the open for you, there is no hiding behind the walls of Facebook. There is no pretending that things are rosy. No, the world is tainted and you are the farthest thing possible from enjoying the blissfulness of ignorance.

The Burden of Information: Oppressive Curiosity

And despite being fully aware of the pain of knowing, there is one thing I cannot escape, no matter how hard I try:

Curiosity.

When something goes wrong or someone has an issue, I want to know everything I can about the situation. Even though history has shown me how uncomfortable this knowledge can be. And usually is!

The Burden of Information: The Need to Know Everything

I once had a friend who mysteriously lost his job. Fairly quickly after he started. I wanted to know what happened. But I didn’t ask and no one spoke about it. There just seemed to be this idea in the world that it was a topic no one was allowed to talk about.

And suddenly, someone told me the details. All the awful and gross details.

I could have stopped her. I could have told her I didn’t want to know. I could have done many things to prevent that information from entering my mind. But I didn’t. I didn’t do any of those things. I let her finish. I may have even asked questions and pulled out more information.

Immediately afterwards, I felt ill. I understood the pleasure of not knowing what had happened. And I understood the pain of gaining this forbidden knowledge. It wasn’t just the inability to perceive that friend the way I used to. And it wasn’t just the fact that I had more awareness of the muck that fills up this world.

I now possessed another burden to weigh me down. I had yet another bunch of knowledge hanging around in my skull that I neither wanted there, nor had any outlet to speak about.

The Burden of Information: Escaping the Pain of Curiosity

And despite knowing full well how downright painful curiosity can be, it hasn’t lessened in the slightest.

I understand now that by putting myself out there, by putting my life on display for anyone to see, I am welcoming a certain amount of others’ lives into my own. I accept that. And to some extent, welcome it. Because I know how hard it is to bottle up one’s thoughts and feelings. I know how much we all need to release them out to the world, or at least just outside ourselves.

And if it has to be to someone, it’s OK if it’s me. I care. And your information is safe with me.

But at the same time, I hope it doesn’t pull me down too far. And I truly wish I could shed myself of the burden of curiosity.

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My Terrible Relationship with the Doctor

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I hate going to the doctor. No, I’m not afraid. Even needles don’t really bother me. And I’m willing to follow advice given to me. I’ve just learned over the course of these forty years that it is rarely worth it for me. Everything from bad, super quick diagnoses, to horrific bedside manners, to straight-up malpractice. It’s a wonder I even keep trying.

Doctor Douchebag

Here’s my most recent experience:

I snore. Oh boy do I snore. And my poor, extremely understanding spouse hasn’t slept well in over a year because of it. The time had come to finally do something about it, so I scheduled an appointment with an ENT, and operation DSA (Devorah Sleeps Again) would be underway.

So we show up to the doctor and tell him I snore, a lot and loudly. First thing he says is, without a thought at all, I should lose thirty pounds. Now, I’m certainly not opposed to losing weight, and I’m sure I have a few pounds to shed. But please note, I had weighed myself that morning. I told him how much I weighed… and he argued with me. Ultimately, he weighed me only to (shockingly) find out that I was correct. He then told me not to lose weight…

We were off to a really amazing start.

No Solutions to be Found

Then he told me there’s nothing that can be done. Everyone snores. If anyone tells you they don’t snore, they are lying. And he told us any promises of treatments to reduce snoring are all false.

We were a bit indignant, seeing as this goes against many things we heard over the years. We asked if there is anything that can be done.

He told my wife to get earplugs. She said she’d tried this many times before, but they would always fall out and leave her back where we started. And this is where the weird turned into bizarre. He said it wasn’t true. That clearly Devorah was incorrect about her experience with the earplugs, had not purchased quality ones, or was using them incorrectly.

It wasn’t so hard to hear him say such nonsense… since he had already lost any and all credibility in our eyes after insisting that my morbid obesity was causing the problem.

He also told us such brilliant pearls of wisdom as women sleep worse than men, which is why this is a problem to begin with. Obviously, the issue wasn’t my snoring so much as her inability to handle it. And her gender!

Ten Minutes of Doctor Fun

And his final golden nugget of medical brilliance was his insistence that fixing my deviated septum would not only not help with my snoring, but it would provide no benefit whatsoever. Seeing as I have a friend who recently had his fixed, I contacted him. From his experience, it sounds like the procedure was life-changing. And, in fact, it helped his snoring tremendously.

So there we were. Ten minutes in an office with this mega-mind doctor. In ten minutes he called me grotesquely fat, implied my wife was a moron who couldn’t navigate the complexities of putting foam in her ears, and basically stated that anything we’ve ever or will ever hear from anyone else on the subject was flat out wrong. Not bad for one quick appointment!

And I still snore.

And now have to find a new doctor.

My Terrible Relationship with Doctors

I’m not sure what it is about the medical profession. I’m sure there are countless fantastic doctors in the world, but one thing is a certainty for me: I’m a magnet for the subpar ones.

And that is why I basically never go. In my last year in the States I didn’t bother with health insurance. It was outrageously expensive and I assumed I would never go anyway (I didn’t). That was a particularly complicated year, because I was fined by the government for not having insurance, one of the most twisted laws that I had experienced.

I chose to spend time and money on improving my health to the level that I don’t need a doctor, and what’s my reward? A big, fat governmental fine. I’m no anarchist, but to me this sounds like the government is stealing…

On My Own…

And what’s been my experience with avoiding doctors? Pretty decent. My favorite example was some weird skin growth I had behind my ear. I was told by several people what the doctors would need to do in order to get rid of it. It sounded gross, painful, and in my experience, very costly.

I instead chose to Google like a beast. First I searched and searched until I was relatively positive I knew exactly what was hanging out behind my ear. Then I searched for natural solutions. One month of dabbing it with apple cider vinegar, and that sucker was gone for good.

And I was out a whopping $1.50.

But I’m left in a rather complicated position.

Where Do I Go From Here?

On one hand, recognizing the faults of the medical world helps me achieve a certain level of freedom. I don’t need to rely on others in order to achieve a strong level of health. And I don’t have to subject myself to the comments of the substandard medical “professionals” of the world as much as others might. And there is a certain satisfaction that comes with taking care of myself that I wouldn’t get if someone just shoved a bunch of pills in my face.

But what about when I truly need a doctor? What about when what I know and can do is simply not enough? I possibly could have conquered my sciatica much sooner had I not been so bothered by the medical world and went straight for help.

And then there’s knowledge. I want to learn from everyone. OK, maybe not from that putz ENT I spoke about earlier, but there are plenty of people whose wisdom I want to gain from.

And so I’m conflicted. Very conflicted. How do I traverse the minefield that is the modern medical world? How do I get what I want and need without bad advice being vomited all over me? And without idiots calling me fat and stupid?

***

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30 Mind-Blowing Secrets to Fitness

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I have been immersed in the world of health and fitness for half my life now. I have learned so much and I’m still learning a ton every single day. However, sometimes I wish I can go back in time and tell my younger self a thing or two. Because there are multiple lessons, secrets if you will, that I have found to be indisputable truths. These are life-changing and I could be doing so much better now if I had known all of this sooner.

Enjoy 30 Mind-Blowing Secrets to Fitness:

Secrets to Fitness #1: If you can do it on your phone, you ain’t working hard enough

I can’t tell you how often I see people using machines chatting as if they’re sitting on a couch in their living rooms. Getting fit requires a certain minimum level of intensity. You can get very fit at many different levels of intensity, but going below that minimum threshold is barely doing anything. And if you’re acting like you would if you weren’t exercising, you’ve found it.

Secrets to Fitness #2: Sometimes you need to look silly to get great gains

When trying to get in shape, you need to put aside a certain level of pride. Whether that means wearing funny-looking clothing that will help you move your legs better, grunting like a maniac, or lessening your weights until you feel like you can be bested by a 9-year-old girl, it’s not about what looks good. It’s about what works!

Secrets to Fitness #3: Running is by no means the only cardio out there

You want to increase that lung capacity? Get yourself sweating like crazy? Best choice is obviously lacing up those running shoes. Right?

Not. At. All.

The only person who should run (unless required by their sport of choice), is someone who loves running. Which is not most of us. You should never spend your time doing an exercise you don’t enjoy. You simply won’t be able to maintain the routine in the long term, which is necessary for continued gains.

So instead go out dancing. Play soccer with the boys. Beat the crap out of a heavy bag. Join a martial arts gym. All exercise is great and will help with the waistline. Choose the one you enjoy and can picture yourself doing for years to come.

Secrets to Fitness #4: Trying to get rid of your belly? No one is laughing at you!

It’s easy to think that when you go to the gym, everyone is staring at your big belly and judging you. Nothing can be farther from the truth!

If you’re trying to change your life, you have entered a supportive environment, and everyone there is cheering you on. We cannot wait to see where this goes. We cannot wait to see what you look like in a couple of months. And we are going to praise the ever-living hell out of you.

Secrets to Fitness #5: Quality Trumps Quanity–Always!

Some people think that when they want to get in good shape, that means they’re now sacrificing multiple hours of every day of their life.

Obviously you’re going to need to put in some time to get results. But it might not be nearly as much as you think.

And there are many dangers to spending too much time on your fitness goals. These dangers can range from simple ones, like lost motivation due to spending so much time away from other important life tasks, to really complicated ones, like overtraining, which will ultimately undermine all your fitness goals.

Learn to not only do something you love, but find a reasonable amount of time to devote to the task every week. And make every minute count. The quality of your training will always be more important than how many hours you crank out.

Secrets to Fitness #6: Everyone is different

Trying to research health and fitness online is a scary world. There’s so much information, it seems impossible to figure out what to do with it all.

But one thing’s for sure: Sometimes you’ll try something that worked for someone else, and you’ll be shocked when it doesn’t work for you.

And that’s because one of the biggest secrets to the health world is that everyone is different. What works for one person may not work for another. So the only solution is to keep trying new things. Adopt the things you like and that work, and leave the others behind.

It’s a great opportunity to get in touch with yourself. But it is a whole lot more complicated than the one-size-fits-all approach that is way too easy to find out there.

Secrets to Fitness #7: Knowledge is more important than the gym you choose

Read, watch, listen. Soak in information. If you know what you’re doing, you can get in shape anywhere. Even in your own living room!

So if the only gym near you is a cheesy Planet Fitness with a limit on how big their weights can be, don’t fret. With a bunch of knowledge, you can become shredded in any environment.

Secrets to Fitness #8: Number 7 is true… but the right environment can motivate the hell out of you

So even though the knowledgeable person can get in shape anywhere, that doesn’t mean there aren’t benefits to the right environment.

In such an environment, you’ll be inspired by the hard work and intensity of the others in the gym. You will see them sweating and breaking past their limits, and it will motivate you to try harder. Their presence can add so much more to your potential success.

Secrets to Fitness #9: Heavier weights aren’t necessarily more effective

Swallow your pride, kids. Yes, it feels good to swing along massive weights. And sometimes that’s exactly what you should be doing.

However, other times the particular exercise or your fitness goal requires a smaller weight. Even potentially a super-tiny weight. And when that’s the case, that’s exactly what you should use. Stop looking around to see if someone’s laughing at you. First of all, they’re not. Second of all, if you accomplish your goals, let them laugh all they want. You’ll be ripped and healthy and powerful and gorgeous. Who’s laughing now??

Secrets to Fitness #10: The food industry is NOT on your side

Fact is, if you want to be healthy, there is one thing you absolutely cannot get around. You need to learn how to read food labels.

The food industry loves to dazzle you with trite statements like “no trans fat” or “fat free” or “low carb”. They don’t want you reading ingredients or interpreting the nutrition information. They just want you to see fruit in your low-fat yogurt, assume healthfulness, and go on with your merry day.

They made money. You got diabetes. Win-win!

The industry is not doing you any favors. You’re going to need to learn how to interpret all this information. No one will do it for you. And knowledge is most certainly power!

Secrets to Fitness #11: The big fella isn’t the one I’m striving to be

There are so many goals a person can strive for when getting in shape. It’s easy to look upon the guy with the freakishly large muscles and assume they clearly know what they are doing. Strive to be like them, of course.

But bodybuilding is it’s own form of fitness, one that is very specific, not right for everybody, and arguably quite dangerous.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you are strong. Certainly doesn’t mean you’re more athletic. And it could mean you’re doing dangerous things, like dehydrating yourself, taking steroids, or incessant tanning. And it’s not even a desirable look to most people.

There are many ways to lift weights. Bodybuilding is just one of them, and likely not the right choice for you.

Secrets to Fitness #12: Soreness is good… pain is really, really not

I love when I’m sore a day or two after a workout. It symbolizes I pushed my body a little past its limits, and I’ll be rewarded for that in the near future (hopefully). But that’s a certain uncomfortable tightness in a muscle. You can still exercise when it’s there, and it should go away soon.

But your bones and ligaments don’t get sore. And your muscles shouldn’t feel like they’ve been torn. Don’t fight past a pain in your elbow joint or knee. It won’t lead to greater gains. It will lead to an injury.

Learn to know what your body is trying to tell you. Sometimes it’s saying “Good job!” But other times it’s saying “Seriously brah, it’s time to take a day off.”

Secrets to Fitness #13: Don’t drink calories

If you have the typical American diet, you are probably eating a whole lot of garbage. And you are probably not satisfied with what you see when you look in the mirror.

But one simple change can make all the difference: Stop drinking calories.

It’s the first thing I recommend to anyone looking to lose some weight. Stop putting cream and sugar in your coffee. Push aside your lemonade. And for God’s sake, toss your Coke in the trashcan.

None of these are contributing nutrients to your system, nor are they helping to make you feel full. All they’re doing is helping you mindlessly pile in calories.

Slowly but surely get these bastards out of your diet, and you might be consuming hundreds if not thousands of fewer calories every day. It will have such a dramatic impact, I’m actually jealous of those of you who are currently drinking a ton of calories. Step #1 for you is so easy, and so effective.

Secrets to Fitness #14: Don’t do (or eat) things you hate. Sustainability is key!

If you hate it, you won’t do it. If it’s awful, you won’t eat it. Stop trying to force yourself to do exercises you don’t enjoy or eat foods you find repulsive. Instead, search for rigorous activities and healthy foods you do like.

There are countless things out there to try. Your only limitations are your energy and your creativity. Try new things. Experiment with new recipes. Find what you love, and build toward a sustainably healthy lifestyle. Anything less is never worth it.

Secrets to Fitness #15: There’s a lot of information… but don’t get frustrated

It’s so easy to get overwhelmed when you start down a path of learning about such enormous subjects as health and fitness. It’s truly never-ending. And, on top of that, both worlds are loaded with contradictions or information that has changed drastically from what you may have learned growing up.

Don’t worry about it!

You should never expect or hope to know everything. Nor should you get frustrated by all the misinformation. Trying to know it all and to avoid controversies are unrealistic goals.

Just focus on knowing a little bit more than you did yesterday. See what works for you and what doesn’t. And enjoy the process of growing to be a wiser, healthier person.

Secrets to Fitness #16: Diets are stupid

Every single fad diet in the world has one thing in common: They’re all stupid.

Yes, with many of them you will be able to lose some weight. But with almost all of them, they’re not designed for a prolonged lifestyle. And all that weight will be back before you know it.

Learn to eat healthy. Learn what that means. Learn to eat balanced meals. And learn how to quickly and affordably prepare fantastic food. Build toward a lifestyle, not a quick fix that will backfire in just a matter of days.

Secrets to Fitness #17: Some people will never be able to put down the cookie

We are taught from an early age that moderation is the key to a healthy diet. You can eat a cookie… but just one. If you do that, you’ll be fine.

Life on this planet has taught me there are only two people: Those who can opt out of the second cookie. And those who can’t.

If you’re in the first category, congratulations. Moderation is a choice you can make. Enjoy the blessing.

If you’re in the second category, there’s no such thing as moderation. You eat whatever is available. You finish the ice cream container or the bag of pretzels. You only stop when it’s all gone.

And if you’re that type, you need a better strategy than moderation. Because it will never work.

Secrets to Fitness #18: There is no magic pill

Stop searching the internet for that one thing you are missing from your diet or your supplement regime that will change everything.

Sadly, it doesn’t exist.

There is no magic pill or super food.

Nothing–nothing–will ever replace hard work, dedication, and perseverance. The quicker you recognize this, the quicker you can close your computer, get off your couch, and go ahead and actually make a huge difference in your life.

Secrets to Fitness #19: When they tell you to stop eating eggs, tell them to kiss your ass

Eggs are great. They are loaded with protein, vitamins, and healthy fats. They are a near-perfect food. And they are in a special category of being one of the few extremely healthy foods left in this world that is also extremely affordable.

They got a really bad reputation in the 90s. It was undeserved and definitively disproven. But if you think they’re a problem, it’s probably because we still live in the shadows of that stupidity.

If anyone tells you eggs are bad, please remind them that they should grow up and read an article published since the start of this century.

Secrets to Fitness #20: Drink water. Drink the hell out of it!

Water is the best thing you can possibly put in your body. You need a lot of it, and you should drink a ton of it.

Carry around a water bottle. Drink whenever and wherever you can.

Remember that crazy uncle who said he was worried you were going to overhydrate? Yeah… please ignore him. Yes, it is a thing. An extremely rare and unlikely thing. The goods outweigh the extremely unlikely bads by leaps and bounds.

Drink the stuff like your life depends on it.

Actually, it kind of does.

Secrets to Fitness #21: Just because doctors suck, doesn’t mean they’re always wrong

I’ve grown to distrust doctors over the years. That lack of trust gets reinforced almost every time I step foot in one of their offices.

Yet, they’re not all bad. And they’re not all wrong all of the time.

Learn to be discerning. Learn to get second opinions. And even though a healthy amount of skepticism can be beneficial most of the time, getting a diagnosis is fundamental, and looking into the advice given isn’t a bad idea. I had a miserable time with doctors growing up. And even still, there’s some advice I wish I had paid attention to back then. I think I’d be a whole lot better off to this day.

Secrets to Fitness #22: But doctors certainly are wrong sometimes…

That does not mean all of what they say is good advice or is accurate. It is OK to be a healthy skeptic. Get alternative opinions. Seek natural treatments. Never assume that the doctor standing in front of you knows everything. They rarely do.

I’ve had countless bad encounters with doctors. I had a doctor tell me my torn ACL was completely healed, and I started behaving accordingly. That ended disastrously.

I recently had a doctor suggest I lose 30 pounds. I told him how much I weighed (I had weighed myself that morning), he said I was flat-out wrong. Then he weighed me and basically said, “Ah, OK, don’t do that.”

The point is, doctors are needed sometimes. But they are not deities. Question them, and question them often.

Secrets to Fitness #23: The scale lies… BMI too

Two people can weigh the exact same thing, and one can be overweight while the other is the pinnacle of health. Scales are useful sometimes. But they only give a very small part of the story. And BMI (body mass index) is even worse!

The goal of everyone out there needs to stop being weight loss. Weight loss is stupid. Maybe even dangerous.

But it’s a lot sexier than saying “changing body composition”.

But only one of the two is actually an intelligent goal.

Changing body composition means, in its simplest form, burning fat while building lean muscle mass. Ultimately, you can stay exactly the same weight on the scale. It could even go up! And BMI might tell you that you are overweight or even obese.

But it’s all lies. You’re doing fantastic!

Secrets to Fitness #24: All exercise is good… and can be overdone… and the end results are never obvious

I’ve already stated that you should only do exercises you enjoy. And one reason is that all exercise is good. Every single physical activity will improve you.

They have other things in common as well.

All exercises can be overdone. There’s a delicate balance to the human body. Do the right amount and you feel like a million dollars. Do too much, and you feel rundown and exhausted. Or you might even face an injury.

Also, the results might not be obvious. Certainly not right away.

If you start playing soccer, you might not notice a difference in a month. A year later you’ll look back at yourself, leaner, stronger, with more endurance. You’ll be shocked at the difference.

But that’s because fitness is the long game. It’s meant for those of us with patience, not those of use who want to see results immediately. Be patient. Great things are to come!

Secrets to Fitness #25: Not all protein is built the same

I remember being so excited when I saw all those affordable protein bars and shakes. They were delicious and promised massive amount of protein with no effort.

I wonder how many people plow their bodies with that garbage, never wondering what exactly they’re eating.

Protein can come from a whole lot of sources, but they’re not even close to equal.

Most of the aforementioned protein snacks were loaded with soy protein. It’s cheap crap and most people are better off without it. Pretty much every protein source available is better than soy protein, and comes with fewer risks or controversies.

Secrets to Fitness #26: The greatest devils: Your chair, your car, and the mighty elevator

Everyone, myself included, is guilty of boiling down one’s health to the quality of the diet and the time spent exercising. But these ultimately amount to very little of one’s actual day.

If you want to truly live a healthy lifestyle, you need to stop being lazy all around. Which means you need to move a whole more than you want to or probably currently do.

It’s a very easy world to be lazy in. It’s designed for moving as little as possible. We sleep in a cozy bed, drive to work in a cozy vehicle, work all day in a big office chair, and plop down on the couch to watch Netflix when it’s all over.

And throughout the experience, we encounter many of the devils actually making us less healthy. The chair. The sofa. The elevator. And so many more!

We need to learn how to move more often. Bike to work. Take walks throughout the day. Take the stairs. Get up! Move around more. A lot more. Trust me, in the long run, your body will thank you for it.

Secrets to Fitness #27: If you’re miserable, nothing will work

What’s going on inside your head has endless impact on what’s going on with your physical health.

If you are stressed all the time, you need to work on getting yourself to a better state mentally. If you don’t, it could be all your other efforts will still fail.

The body punishes the miserable, and rewards the calm, relaxed, happy person.

Never neglect your mental health!

Secrets to Fitness #28: Do martial arts… but you still might get your ass kicked

Martial arts have insane benefits. It is a great way to stay active and in good shape. It can help build a community and increase your confidence.

But not all martial arts are equal and there are many martial arts studios that really aren’t training their students in an appropriate manner.

If you want to research like crazy until you find the place that will make you a warrior, capable of defending yourself against anyone, I encourage this.

If you just want to go to the local dojo at the YMCA, you should know two things: a) Exercise is exercise. If it helps you get in shape and stay motivated, then keep up the good work. b) However, when confronted with a belligerent drunkard at the local tavern, you might still get your ass kicked. It’ll be humbling and eye-opening… but at least you’ll be fit.

Secrets to Fitness #29: Not all exercises are equal

Now, I know I’ve said that the most important thing about fitness is to find something you love. And I stand by that.

However, there is one small caveat… It’s not 100% true.

It’s true that you can get in great shape by doing everything from ice skating to playing DDR. However, there are activities that will likely never produce the results you are looking for, even if someone may call them a sport. Know the difference between a sport and a hobby. Or a low-impact recreational activity. Nobody, as far as I know, has ever gotten in shape by playing pool or fishing.

And the same goes for the gym. You might need to learn a little bit if you want to get great results. You will get greater gains and burn far more calories if you do movements that use more and larger muscle groups. To incorporate isolation movements for smaller muscles is fine. To have them dominate your whole routine is a bad idea and will likely result in super lackluster results.

So put aside your curls and forearm exercises for the time being. And learn how to squat!

Secrets to Fitness #30: Ask loads of questions

You don’t know nearly as much as you think you do. So ask a whole lot of questions. Ask guys at the gym. Get advice from trainers. Google like a madman! Whether it seems this way to you or not, everyone wants to help you. They’ll talk your ears off if you let them!

Everyday is a new opportunity to expand what you know. Don’t miss out on it!

***

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My Life and the Spinning Plates

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You know the classic spinning plates performance? The performer has a bunch of thin sticks, and one by one he spins a plate and balances it on one of the sticks. Every time a plate is about to fall, he gives it another spin. And he just keeps adding plate after plate until he reaches his maximum capacity.

Spinning, Spinning, Spinning Plates

It’s definitely something to watch. Always impressive and keeps you wondering if he’s able to successfully keep it up without making a mess of everything.

Sometimes my life feels exactly like this. I’m spinning one or two plates and everything’s going just fine. In fact, I’m impressively handling everything with confidence and panache. But then I’m handed another plate.

I get the new one up and spinning and the visual is breathtaking. I’m proud and confident, although a small bead of sweat starts dripping down my forehead.

And then another plate arrives.

Spinning Plates: They Never Stop Coming!

I spin and spin, I’m sweating and shaking. And I feel like I’m getting a handle on everything, when another three plates arrive at the same time. And with a great deal of effort and a whole lot of hardwork, I get all three up, but have my first casualty. One of the original plates comes crashing down. Shards are flying in every direction. And the nerves are firing like there’s no tomorrow.

But of course, that’s never the end. More plates start arriving. They are different shapes and sizes. There are hundreds of onlookers, sitting on the edges of their seats, wondering how I’m going to handle everything. Waiting to see what happens.

And before you know it, I’m asleep on my arm. I’m surrounded by sticks and broken plates. And just one little plate is spinning, slowly, waiting to stop.

And the curtain closes. Sporadic, weak applause fill the room.

And this is how my life has felt countless times in the last few decades.

Spinning Plates: Master the Multitask

That’s not to say I cannot multitask. I do so all the time and I stand in the face of those who claim men are incapable. I’m multitasking as I type this very post!

And there is little to no finger pointing, unless I’m pointing that finger right back at myself. I can choose a simple life. I can work and eat and sleep and spend time with my family. Rinse and repeat.

But it’s not in my nature. I don’t have to write a blog or ebooks. They’re not paying my bills (yet!). I don’t have to study languages and fitness and Search Engine Optimization and cooking. I don’t have to spend hours of my week in the gym.

Yes, I’m constantly bringing in my own plates. I’m tossing on extra responsibilities and trying to make life so much more than just a repetitive cycle, earning money to pay the bills so I can start all over again.

And I want to. Arguably, I need to. I can’t truly live without it.

Spinning Plates: What Did I Do Today?

My day usually ends with a familiar pattern. Dinner, shower, some family TV time, and a brief nap (otherwise known as sleeping). Then I wake up and start the craziness all over again.

However, I’ll always look back at the day that had passed. Did I do a good job at work that day? Did I complete all the tasks in front of me without getting overwhelmed, stressed, or agitated?

Did I take care of myself? Did I eat foods that will nourish and sustain me, or did I gorge on crackers mindlessly? Did I work hard at the gym or did I sleepily just go through the motions?

Did I learn anything new? Did I grow and become a more capable person? Did I create anything I was proud of? Did I add to the pile of things I’ve made throughout the years, things that have become a part of my identity? Or did I just coast? Did I just do my job, nothing more than a few emails tossed out to an endless slew of customers?

And did I have meaningful interactions with the special people in my life? Or did I lose my patience? Did I become closer with the most important people to me, and have substantial conversations that will make me a better person? Or did I just float through my day, simply looking forward to finally getting to sleep it away?

Spinning Plates: Going to Sleep Happy

I want to go to bed every single night knowing that my day wasn’t wasted. It’s a borderline obsession. There have been so many days and years of my life that I cannot look back at with fondness. I can’t say what I did that day. I can’t say that I grew as a person. That I’m better now than I was before.

And it pains me.

So my plates are spinning. And every once in a while, I need to clean up the broken pieces here and there. And even though it’s sometimes more than I can handle, I’m the primary plate provider. I pile on and pile on, always having trouble figuring out when I should give it a rest.

Spinning Plates and the Unexpected

And even though I wouldn’t have it any other way, the real pain comes when my life is so filled, and the unexpected inevitably creeps its way in and disrupts the relative calm.

There I am, managing all the plates with flair. But then a fly starts buzzing around my head. Or a giant earthquake rattles my city. And I need to do everything I’m doing with this added challenge that’s far above my skillset.

I pile it in. But then my phone rings and I begin to fear I won’t be able to do the things I need to do. Or work gets more overbearing or stressful. Or my dog throws up. Or someone bashes me on Twitter. Or rear-ends my car.

Whatever it is, my problem isn’t how many plates I’m balancing or how to do so correctly. It’s how to stay sane when I’m trying to make it all happen, and life pokes its head into the picture and reminds me that I’m not in charge.

***

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I Will Never Forget Gush Katif

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I moved to Israel in 1997 and left in 2005, only to return eleven years later.

Gush Katif: Blue vs. Orange

Israel was not calm in 2005. It was pure insanity. The city of Jerusalem was covered in orange, in solidarity with our brethren living in Gush Katif, who were facing imminent expulsion from their homes.

Other folk supported the idea known as the Disengagement. They were wearing blue to show their support. Some cities, like Tel Aviv, looked as blue as Jerusalem looked orange.

It was a sad time. We were so divided. And it felt awful knowing that our families and friends were about to be abandoned by their government. Innocent young soldiers were going to be sent into the abyss to forcefully pull mothers and children from their homes.

And those of us vehemently opposed to this “plan” had no doubts. The Israeli government did not exist to pull families from their homes. Our ancestors did not bleed on the battlefield so we could just hand our land over to the undeserving, and turn our backs on the people we’re supposed to protect.

The thought was mind-boggling. Pulling Jewish people from their homes was not the act of other Jews. No, this was the action of Nazis and other enemies of our people! How could we behave with such cruelty to our own people!?

And we had visions of a bright and movie-like future. At the last moment, the soldiers would stop and stand in solidarity with the residents of Gush Katif. Or citizens throughout the country would flock to stand together and block the expulsion. Sure, they can kick out a few thousand people. But a few hundred thousand? They’d stand no chance!

Gush Katif: How Could We Have Been So Wrong?

But we were wrong. So very wrong.

When the day rolled around to start getting people out of the settlements, the government and the soldiers worked with ruthless efficiency. Many residents were bribed to leave of their own accord. Other citizens were blocked from accessing the area. And a small army was sent to systematically dismantle each settlement, one at a time, until they were just rubble on the ground.

They actually finished their task ahead of schedule.

And left behind memories, hopes, and pools of tears.

Gush Katif: What Did We Get?

Someone recently asked me what the Palestinians did in exchange for us handing them this area. It was a very logical question. What country in its right mind would sacrifice something so valuable and hurt so many of its own people without getting something in return? I mean, when we returned the Sinai Peninsula to Egypt, we did so in exchange for an historical peace treaty, one that is still upheld over forty years later.

It was a logical question. And my stomach hurt when I had to explain that our actions were unilateral. We emptied out the beautiful Gush Katif… in exchange for absolutely nothing. One might say it was an act of goodwill. We would harm ourselves in the desperate hope that our belligerent neighbors would see how serious we were about peace, and thus choose to live near us in eternal harmony.

But that’s not what happened. Not even close.

The Aftermath of Gush Katif

The area became the launching ground for countless rocket attacks against Israel. The people elected Hamas as their leadership, a group that is unabashedly terrorist. And fifteen years later we are not a step closer to peace with the Palestinians than we were when our government turned its back on very loyal citizens.

And what about now? In those fifteen years we’ve become distracted. The world moved on. Jerusalem is no longer covered with orange. And I hardly ever hear anyone speaking about Gush Katif. We’d prefer to look away and forget one of the darkest moments in Israel’s history. We’d prefer to ignore our failures. Pretend it never even happened.

I feel fortunate that I spent a Shabbat in Gush Katif before things went south. However, it heightens the pain for me. It’s not the theoretical, mythical community of legend it might be for some. I spent a beautiful weekend there. I broke bread, had enlightening conversations.

And when I think back about my time there, all I see is uninformed soldier children yanking families from their homes. And I see those homes pummeled to the ground and turned into dust.

And the pain deepens.

Grateful I Left the Country

I left Israel fifteen years ago, just weeks before the Disengagement. And I’ve always been grateful about my timing. I fear that if I had been here for the final destruction, if I had experienced the mood in the country from up close, I would never have been able to return here.

I suffered through the whole Second Intifada. It filled up my entire first time living in Israel. I fell through cracks and suffered through a ton of the garbage that can happen in this country. In my triumphant return to Israel, I’ve dealt with a whole new set of irritations, including ridiculous election politics and a botched handling of the Corona crisis.

Nevertheless, I stand behind Israel. I encourage people to move here, if that’s where their heart is pulling them. I encourage serving in the military in a combat unit. And I defend Israel all the time against ignorant and nefarious attempts to criticize its actions or existence.

Gush Katif: More Than I Could Handle

But Gush Katif was more than I could handle. And I still haven’t found it in my heart to forgive what my government did to us. How divided we were. How broken we were. And how shaken we were that we could do something so heinous to our own brethren.

I have not forgotten Gush Katif. I will not forget Gush Katif. And I implore anyone listening to never let what happened slip to the back of their memory. It could absolutely happen again.

I am still thankful I left Israel before this horrific incident. I worry that if I had been here for yet another tragedy, I would never have been able to enter the land again. And not just any tragedy this time, but one that was entirely preventable, and one that we caused to ourselves.

I am still sad. I still feel pain. And I will never forget Gush Katif.

***

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Rear-Ended, Miserable, and Hoping for Change

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Rear-Ended: The Day that Needs to End

Did you ever have one of those days where really early on in the day you are begging for it to end? Like the day was cursed, and you didn’t even want to attempt to make it better?

You knew something was off. You got up in the morning all cheery, breathing in the pleasant morning air that would accompany you throughout a beautiful, productive day.

And then you stubbed your toe. While trying to recover, you bashed your head on a shelf. Then you noticed that something went wrong with your alarm clock and you’re two hours late for work. And it just happens to be a day when you’re having a meeting with your boss for an evaluation. You hop in your car with your coffee, only to realize shortly afterwards that your socks don’t match, you accidentally put cold water in your coffee, and a bird did his business right across your windshield.

Yeah, a day like that. Where it’s cursed. Like it is written in the stars that nothing could possibly go well with this particular day.

And all you want to do is go to sleep early so hopefully the day’s aura could dissipate and the next one will start off fresh and ready to be amazing again.

Well, apparently sometimes you can have a week like that as well…

The Week that Must Die

And boy did we ever just suffer through one.

Sometimes you just know on Sunday that the week was not meant to be a good one. It was ironic, with Sunday being an absolutely fantastic day in which we celebrated the heck out of my birthday, replete with shooting, free house plants, and alone time. That day was great… the rest of the week just needed to go away.

I’ve already written about my awful Twitter incident, which continues to frustrate me, despite being long behind me. And there are aspects of the week that are personal or private, thus not really appropriate for this forum.

But there was one incident that I do want to talk about, because it’s dark cloud is still pouring into the following days and weeks, and there is just too much to say.

Rear-Ended into Misery

My beautiful wife and I were driving to pick up my daughter. We were waiting to turn a corner, when suddenly our bodies lunged forward, and we knew quickly that someone had hit us from behind.

Now, before I go any further, I want to say that we’re fine. I was sore and uncomfortable the next day and Devorah’s pain had pockets of being bad enough that we went to Terem (Urgent Care) to get her checked out. But we’re both OK now. The damage to our car was minimal and just esthetic. And the person who hit us was extremely nice and friendly, and they were easy to work with for getting through all the blah blah that would follow.

But that’s where the optimism and positives come to an end.

Rear-Ended: The Hell to Come

Have you ever been rear-ended? It’s not pretty. Yes, it is the most common type of car accident, and yes, most people walk away with minor pain and soreness.

But when you’re rear-ended, your life is about to get pummeled with a seemingly endless stream of irritations and responsibilities that you didn’t anticipate. And certainly didn’t deserve.

That day’s plans were ruined. I didn’t exercise, and anyone who knows me, knows that this is a big deal. Devorah, out of fear, skipped a class that night. We woke up feeling pretty awful, with everything from headaches to leg pain.

But pain is just the beginning. Now begins the trek into the world of getting car damage fixed, repeated and uncomfortable communication with the one who hit us, and the dreaded universe of insurance companies. All things no one has time for. And certainly no desire to deal with.

And then the Fears Begin…

And then the fears start coming into play. Driving in Israel is stressful under the best of circumstances. It’s shocking how poorly people drive in a country for which survival is so important, and one with so many requirements to get a license. Nevertheless, the average driver seems to speed down the street with no regard for their or anyone else’s lives.

But this wasn’t one of those people. She was sweet and friendly. And now we have to even fear the way she drives! And you’re not safe, even while stopped, even while driving in a not-so-congested area, when the roads are relatively slow. You are never safe. And that is unnerving… but not something we felt before that day.

And now my wife doesn’t want to drive past that area again. And I totally understand why. It’s terribly uncomfortable and it feels like that which was fine beforehand is no longer safe. Anything can happen, at any moment.

Stop Driving Irresponsibly

But there is something greater that needs to be discussed here. Our day was ruined and our week was a mess. But why?

The simpler answer is because someone else made a very preventable mistake. But I’m not sure I’m ready to let her get off that easily. Or anyone who has ever rear-ended anyone, for that matter.

Now, I wasn’t watching the woman when she hit into us. But if I had to make an educated guess, I’m going to assume she was looking down at her phone. I mean, after all, we’re all slaves to these damn things. Even when being so could be detrimental to our and other people’s health. Which, in my opinion, is the definition of addiction.

But perhaps it wasn’t her phone. Maybe she was looking at the pretty sky or she was frustrated at how someone treated her at a government office or she was eating a Snickers or she was lost in the amazing music she was listening to on the radio. It does not matter!

You are controlling a rolling death machine that can crush a person with ease… or just screw up someone’s week. If you are not up to that responsibility, then you should walk. If you hurt others with your privilege, figure out how to not do so. Put your phone away. Look at the road. Put your feelings to the side. Put down your candy bar. And turn off your radio.

You have one responsibility right now: Get from Point A to Point B without causing harm to anyone. Do it right!

***

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Twitter, Mansplaining, and the Sh** Day I’ll Never Get Back

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I had a bit of a weird moment a couple of weeks ago. Very modern. Very ridiculous. And I’m still trying to process the whole thing, mansplaining and all…

I work in customer support. I’ve been doing so for four years now. It’s an odd job. Sometimes I do hefty research for the customer. Sometimes I’m spitting back generic words I’ve written a thousand times. Often the customer is happy or even ecstatic at what we do for them.

…

And sometimes they’re pissed…

Their anger could be well deserved. They’re out of hard-earned cash and we can’t help them. We have a system or a policy that is making their day a bit harder. They’re frustrated, and I feel for them.

Other times the customer can just be a bona fide asshole.

And sometimes even they take that to the next level.

My Story of a Ruined Day

And I had one take things way over the top the other day. In fact, it ruined my day. It impacted my whole week! And this kind of garbage is not OK.

So what happened?

In a new part of my job (just a couple of weeks in), I was asked a question about a refund. Now, a few facts on the table: Whereas the customer did make an error, their mistake was tiny and understandable. And they totally deserved a refund.

And I let them know all of that, and I told them exactly what they needed to do. Like I was trained. They needed to contact Apple in order to get their refund. We had absolutely no way we could help them beyond pointing them in the right direction.

So I responded. My message was probably about 70% copied from our website. The rest was padding to comfort the client and to give the message the flair and pizazz our customers have come to enjoy. And, since I was new, my message was even approved by a supervisor before clicking send.

What followed next was the question repeated. In which case I calmly repeated the answer, apologizing and letting them know there only existed one route to getting what they needed.

And that’s when things got weird. And very twenty-first century weird.

The Twitter Rant that Changed Everything

The customer took to Twitter to whine and complain about how our company handled everything. He even repeatedly mentioned my name (first only, since that’s all I used in the communication). He put a screenshot of our email exchange.

Oh, but he took it a few steps further. He insulted the way my email was composed, referring to the happy-go-lucky manner I used as “childish”. And, and this part is very important: He accused me of mansplaining the situation to his wife.

What the Hell is Mansplaining?

Now, maybe someone out there can explain to me a little more about what mansplaining is. I’m a bit lost on the subject. I was under the impression that mansplaining had something to do with a man condescending to a woman, and explaining away his or other men’s toxic male behaviors in a way that dismisses the concerns and feelings of a woman.

However, in this guy’s view, it would appear I was mansplaining because I was male and I was writing to a woman.

Ladies and gentleman, we are in an odd time in history. I was not having an argument with my customer. I wasn’t even explaining a policy. I was gently telling the facts of the situation. Gender was on the highest levels of irrelevant.

And not only was I accused of mansplaining, but this was supposed to be a valid and strong argument. In this backwards generation, the guy just needs to toss out one of many million-dollar words, and my company and I need to back down and beg for forgiveness. I need to justify my behavior, probably look deep within myself to find out how I could have done things differently… even if I did absolutely nothing wrong.

When all the smoke clears, this piece of garbage ruined someone’s day. He wasted a lot of people’s time. And he accomplished nothing that he wouldn’t have accomplished just by waiting a couple of more days.

Some Rules for Internet Use

There are a few lessons to gain from this experience, really worthy of noting:

1) Don’t be this guy

Don’t be this guy.

You can be frustrated. You certainly have the right to be angry if the customer support you receive is lackluster. And there is a time and place for online scrutiny of a company.

But a vicious assault on a company and a person on Twitter just because the answer you received isn’t exactly the one you wanted is childish. It’s asinine.

You’re an adult. Act like one!

2) Get some damn patience

Grow some patience.

If you’re told something might take a couple of days, then sit back and let people do their jobs. Don’t hop on your computer like a rabid bear and start ranting at the world.

This dude sent a request to Apple and went on a tirade less than 24 hours later. But his request was fulfilled completely in two or three days. Apple has a gazillion customers. Sir, you’re less important than you think you are. Sit back, drink your beer, watch the game, and let people do their jobs before you grab your computer and rant mindlessly.

3) Be nice to support

Not every company has great customer support. And not every support person is fantastic at his or her job. But one thing is for certain: Behind every call or email, there’s an actual person. Don’t treat them any less than you would others in your life. Be polite and say thank you. It can take you very far and it’s good for your soul.

Don’t be a jerk. You might ruin someone’s day. And if you’re unnecessarily nasty to someone who’s just doing his job, you might want to look deeper into yourself. You might not be the great person you think you are.

4) Stop hiding behind your keyboard

Finally, just because you can bash people hiding behind your keyboard, doesn’t mean you necessarily should. Or that you’re automatically in the right.

I understand the temptation, I really do. It’s great to feel like you have some sort of power, and no one is capable of harming you back. Like your safe behind that bulletproof computer screen of yours.

But you’re not safe, because you can hurt others. And it’s not OK to mindlessly shower the world with your ignorance.

***

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5 Reasons Why My Dog’s a Better Person than I

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So I’m standing in my living room, thinking of what to write about, and I look to my left and see my dog, my beautiful dog, asleep on the couch. And that was that. The perfect topic, right there.

Frank came into the Jaffe family over three years ago, and nothing has been the same since. Every day I walk and feed my buddy, every day he gives me so much love, and even though it’s fairly unlikely he’ll read this post, he needs to know how much I care.

So without further ado, five reasons why my dog is a better person than I am:

1) My Dog Loves People, All People

Covid has been tough for all of us. Though for some much more than others. There are plenty of folk out there enjoying their perfect excuse to avoid any and all social engagements. And there are those of us who are desperately hoping to fill our homes with guests once again.

And then there’s Frank. My dog loves new people. Within moments of meeting them, he has a new best friend. No awkward first moments. He sees them, and they’re pals.

And my home has offered him more than enough opportunities to meet people from all over the world.

Sadly, I think my pooch might be a little depressed. I think he misses all the guests even more than I do!

And even though my dog might prefer the ladies, and has other preferences (as we’ll see below), he loves people of all kinds and wants them in his life.

2) My Dog Loves When We Come and Hates When We Go

We human folk get used to things quickly. People come and go from our households. We don’t bat an eye.

But not Frank. He gets excited when we come home. He runs to the door. Even if I just went to take out the trash for three minutes, he’s still so happy that I’ve returned. And then he’s super ecstatic to get any and all attention when I’ve rejoined the household.

And when any of us leaves, Frank follows us to the door, then hops over to the window to watch us going.

There’s no such thing as too much time together. He’s always happy when we’re there, and he’s always sad when we’re not.

I wish I had a fraction of Frank’s love, admiration, and excited attention for people!

3) My Dog is Quirky… and He Owns It

We might have the quirkiest dog in the world. I’ve often contemplated his top wackiest quirks. His weird, funny head movements and alien-esque noises before throwing up. His obsession with perching his head under our feet. His rapid and repeated circles before going to the bathroom. The list goes on and on.

Admittedly, Frank is an odd dog. We’re all very well aware. People who meet him catch on quite quickly as well.

But you know what, I’m arguably pretty darn weird too. I have trouble remembering things in pairs (more than that is OK, but two is where the problem lies). I enjoy eating cheese with peanut butter. I hate mango in my salsa, sugar in my pickles, and tahini in my hummus. And I can’t stand the song Happy by Pharrell Williams.

But I also know when I’m odd. And there’s a small part of me that’s even shy or embarrassed to admit when my thoughts, opinions, or behaviors are out of the ordinary.

Not so with Frank! He is an odd duck, he knows it, and he owns it. Every single day!

4) My Puny Dog Has No Idea How Small He Is

Watching my pooch play with other dogs is often a real pleasure. He has endless energy and he’s extraordinarily social. He’ll often inspire the other dogs to match his energy level. At first the other dog will be lazy and just sniff around. And before you know it, the two cute fluff balls are flopping all over the place.

One of the many things I love about my dog is how unaware he is of his size. He’ll play with dogs of all sizes. And he’ll try and wrestle with dogs that are easily five times his size. He couldn’t care less.

And I love it.

I feel like we human folk are often painfully aware of our size, whether it be literal or metaphorical. We are afraid of those around us with power or perceived power. We suck up. We cower. We sit back and let things happen around us, quiet and fearful that we’ll say the wrong thing in front of the wrong person.

But in the eyes of Frank, all dogs are equal. There is no status. There is no strength or size. Everyone is potentially the next dog to run around with him in the park.

5) If You Dislike My Dog, He Loves You Even More

The general rule with my pooch is if you want him to give you lots of attention, there’s two ways to make that happen.

The first way is to be the messiest eater around. If there’s a pile of food at your feet every time you finish eating, you can bet that there will be a Frank waiting to help clean up the mess.

The other rule: Frank likes those who dislike him the most.

I’ve had many a group at my home where some guests tried desperately to get him over so they could pet him. They were virtually ignored. Whereas another guest was afraid of dogs, didn’t like dogs, or just would prefer some no-dog time. And they would always be looking down to see a cute, furry face that said, “Hey, why not me?”

It’s so easy to discount the people in our lives who we don’t particularly like or have much to benefit from their existence.

But they’re people too. They have stories. They have thoughts and opinions. They have dreams and aspirations.

Frank won’t take “no” for an answer while trying to love those people. Why should we?

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The post 5 Reasons Why My Dog’s a Better Person than I is featured at Jaffe World.

Four More before 44, a Better Me Awaits

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In my last post I wrote about five bucket list items I wished to tackle in year 44. Yeah, I know I’m obsessed with lists and accomplishments. And it’s always fun to be able to point to what you’ve done.

But the best accomplishments in life are often intangible. And, much to my chagrin, they’re immeasurable as well. But they remain the most important, and that’s why I can’t ignore them as I plunge deeper into my 40s.

I want to talk today not about things I wish to accomplish, but personality traits and attitudes I want to focus on in the upcoming year. These are aspects of my personality where I feel I can be doing a whole lot better, but in order to do so, I’m going to need a whole lot more focus as well.

Who knows? Maybe putting my thoughts down here, and subjecting myself to the accountability of the masses, will be just the motivation I need to take the steps to become the person I want to be. And maybe even before I hit the big 44.

Grateful before 44

The first aspect I want to focus on is appreciation. Simply thanking the people in my life, big or small, who deserve recognition. Whether it be the friend who has been with me through thick and thin, or the clerk at the store who was extremely helpful, I often walk away and realize I didn’t acknowledge someone I should have.

And how easy it is to do!

We go through life angry at those who don’t put us on their shoulders and parade us through the city if we hold a door for them. And then we don’t even notice when someone goes out of their way to be there for us.

My job has helped me a lot with recognizing the importance of a little gratitude. Sometimes the tiniest bit of enthusiastic feedback can improve my entire day. And any stress that preceded the positive note, all starts to feel worth it.

I want to be that for other people. I want to never forget to recognize that there is someone sitting behind the computer answering my support question. They may hate their boss. They may have an upcoming surgery they’re worried about. They might have been up all night the previous night with a crying baby. Your gratitude might literally be the only good part of their day.

I want to be thankful for others. All the time!

Generous before 44

It’s not that I’m not generous. I’m a good friend. I try to be attentive. My home has been a place for the weary to rest and feel safe for years.

But when it comes to money, I feel like my fist is clenched tight.

Not to make excuses, but I think it all stems back to a story when I was in college. A man begged me passionately to give him some money for food. I gave and sat back on some steps, so proud I could help another. And while still in my revery, moments later I saw him walk by drinking out of a paper bag.

I was heartbroken. And I’ve been fearful of tossing my money in the trashcan ever since.

Not to mention that it’s still fresh in my memory the day my bank account once got down to six dollars. I was terrified. I was nauseous. And I had no idea what to do.

Financial fears continue to linger with me. They probably always will.

But I want to learn to fight past my concerns. I want to learn how to reach into my pockets and be there for the world when it needs me.

Attentive before 44

This is by no means a unique issue for me in 2020. As a parent and as a husband (and just as a person in general) I want to learn how to be more attentive to whomever I am interacting with.

We are at a very complicated point in history. There are bells and whistles everywhere. It’s so easy to be in the middle of a conversation with someone and after five minutes of talking you realize you missed it. Every single word. Why? Because you were staring down at your phone. In those five minutes you responded to a comment with a meaningless “lol”, liked someone’s cat photo, and mindlessly scrolled past 35 Facebook posts that didn’t interest you.

And completely missed the actual human being standing right in front of you.

I want to get better at concentrating on the amazing soul standing in front of me. You know, like we used to do it in the good ole days. When being someone’s “friend” was not a meaningless online social symbol.

We used to have real conversations. They were beautiful and sometimes life-changing. And they happened without doing twelve other things at the same time.

I want to get better at being present with the person right in front of me. The only one who truly matters at that moment.

Positivity before 44

Finally, I have a trait that has plagued me for as long as I can remember. I am a cynic.

This might come as no surprise to anyone who’s spent a minute or two on my blog (or with me). I tend to look at the worst possible way things can turn out. Sadly, I’m often correct.

Nevertheless, I’m not this way by choice. Some of it is a result of circumstance. Some of it is just buried deep within my personality. And still, some of it is probably a defense mechanism. If I expect the worst from all situations, I’ll never be disappointed or upset when things don’t turn out well.

But it’s simply not who I want to be.

I want to look at circumstances and see the good in them. I want to be able to interpret situations in my favor. To see likely positive outcomes. To perceive the good in others.

Meanwhile, I’m stuck in a cynic’s body. OK, fine, I’m a likable cynic. A pleasant cynic, if you will. But a cynic nonetheless, and I want to start the process of perceiving greater positives in the world around me.

For sure if I open my eyes wide enough, they’ve got to be there!

Happy birthday to me…

***

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The post Four More before 44, a Better Me Awaits is featured at Jaffe World.