David Andrew Jaffe's Blog, page 22

5 Ways My Husband Inspires Me Every Day

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I’ve had a handful of guest posts before from an assortment of amazing people. But none quite like this one!

My beautiful and amazing wife surprised me this morning by writing the best guest post I’ve ever had or will ever have. So without further ado, here are 5 Ways My Husband Inspires Me Every Day:

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My husband David (Yitzchak) and I have been together for two years now. In fact, not too long ago, he officially became my longest relationship ever. A milestone he’d been waiting for, well, for about two years.

The honeymoon phase in a relationship lasts about six months, at least that’s what my quick Google search informed me. So we’re well past that stage. I think we are actually closer to the stage where it’s easier to take things for granted.

Of course I’ll be making him natural homemade deodorant and of course he’ll be making me a hot water bottle when my stomach gets finicky. And of course... so many “of courses”. And between all of the “of courses” I sometimes stop myself to take a moment to admire this person standing in front of me and the many ways he’s inspired me these past two years. In honor of his birthday this past week, I’d love to share a few of them with you all…

1) My Husband and His Open Home

Not long after David and I met, he invited me for Shabbat. I was flattered. I took it as a compliment and… maybe it meant he liked me? Turned out, it wasn’t such an abnormal gesture. Between regular ol’ Shabbat meals, “Shabbat Of A Lifetime” and Couch Surfing, literally hundreds of people had been in and out of his home. Plenty of friends, but mostly complete strangers.

I’m naturally an introvert, and warming up to new people sometimes takes a sip or two of alcohol on my part… but for David? It’s like oxygen for him. He loves any chance to host and any chance to meet a new person. The more different than he is, the better. A thirst and a talent that leaves me in awe every time I see him interact with new people or guests at our home.

2) My Husband and Starting Over

If you’ve been reading this blog for any amount of time now, you know that one thing David had to do was start over. Start everything over. Growing up you imagine what life will be. You imagine getting married, having kids, buying a home, working on and getting great at your career.

And then life happens. 

David indeed got married, had kids, bought a couple of homes, and worked hard on his education career. But then his marriage fell apart, his kids moved overseas, he moved into a small apartment, and he started looking at new career paths. Especially since his new plan was to move to Israel a year later, and teaching in Hebrew was not an option. 

But he did it all with flying colors. He picked up his life, got in shape, found a great job and heck, even remarried (I assure you, it wasn’t on his to-do list). He found a new life and one he really loved. I barely got myself past my breakups. The change he did to his life has always left me amazed. 

3) My Husband, the Avid Exerciser

Our very first conversation went something like this:

Him: Do you not eat Challah? (We were sitting next to each other at a Friday night meal.)

Me: Well, I’m doing a program at the moment called “The Whole 30“, so for the 30 days of the program I’m not eating any grains. I’m not against eating grains, but I’m trying to see if I feel better like this.

Him: The health world is so confusing, one day grains are bad for you, then suddenly they’re fine.

Me: Oh, there are so many foods like that… like dairy. 

Him: Or meat.

Me: Or coconut oil! 

And it continued with us laughing as we listed foods that are good for you one day, and awful for you the next. It was a great moment of discovering our first thing in common: Health and fitness. We later discovered that I care a whole lot more about the “Health” part and he cares a bunch more about “Fitness”.

The kitchen is where I made most of my health changes over the years. However, David discovered how the gym could completely reverse his health and he’s stuck to it ever since.

I’ve always enjoyed dance and movement. But for the past year and a half, I’ve been inspired to push myself much farther. Watching someone who loves fitness so much has gotten me to want completely new goals. Like pull-ups, or L-sits, or the splits. When you watch someone love something so much, it’s easy to start loving it, too. 

4) My Husband and Consistent Small Steps

Once we got past how similar we were, we started noticing our differences. A big one was how differently we approached a project or goal. If I’m doing a project, I go at it all at once and won’t stop until I’m done (hey, kinda like this blogpost!).

But my husband does the complete opposite. He’ll have his big to-do list, with a million things written on it. He’ll do a few minutes of each every day, until all the tasks are completed.

If I were doing a few minutes every day of some bigger goal, that goal would be long forgotten. Also, a long to-do list stresses me out. But he’ll go from stretching to working on learning languages to doing a few dishes to fixing something around the house to cleaning the bathrooms to… well, you get the idea.

I don’t know how he does it, but he does it every day. And he does it really, really well. 

5) My Husband and Family Time

Last but not least, family time. Our evenings kind of have a ritual. It existed before I was in the picture, it’s just changed a bit since. It’s an important and integral part of our days.

We end the evening with a family dinner and a show that we all watch together. Sometimes the evenings shift. Sometimes Shlomo is at Jiu Jitsu, or I’m at a rehearsal (well, pre-Corona days), and the days end a bit differently. But most nights, we’ll make a great dinner, eat it together, clean up together, watch TV together.

I didn’t watch TV every night before marriage. Watching TV together isn’t really about watching TV. It’s about having a shared experience. It’s about the discussion that comes afterwards. It’s about the inside jokes that only we get. When someone does something out of character in our home, we call them a traveler, because it was a premise of one of the best shows we watched together (called, wait for it, “Travelers”. Also, you should totally go watch that show now.) 

All this is during the week, when it’s just the three of us. When we have the girls on Shabbat, we have other family things we love to do, like learning how to do headstands together or going out to the park with Frank, running around, blowing bubbles. I didn’t just marry David; I married a whole family.

Blended families are complex. But it’s been so clear to me since day one that David’s priority is his kids, giving them time and love and a sense of home. And it’s helped us all build something new together. 

There’s so much more to write, like how unbelievably reliable he is, or how he finds humor in every situation, or how insanely funny he is… but maybe that’ll wait until another blog post.

Happy 43rd birthday, Bibbit. To many, many more. 

***

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Conquering the Bucket List in the 44th Year

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Here we go again. Time for the annual birthday post. Three years ago I started this sucker on my 40th birthday, and look at me. Over 150 posts. Still going strong!

And here we are. 43. Still rocking the semi-quarantine. Not necessarily shaping up to be the most thrilling 44th year… but let’s see what we can do to change things a little.

Many years ago I wrote a bucket list. Sadly, I haven’t made much of dent into that fella. Some items will take a whole lot of time and effort (get a PhD, get a black belt in a martial art, etc). Some I’m worried that, for all sorts of different reasons, may never happen (for example, run a marathon).

But the time has come to start moving along. To make my dreams into reality, big and small. I’ve read before that if you have a goal, one of the best things you can do is tell the world. When the goal is on the outside, you have more motivation and accountability.

So, world, nag me. See how I’m holding. Help me cross these five items off my bucket list before I’m halfway to 88:

Bucket List: Conquer the Split

When I was a kid, I was insanely flexible. I attribute it to my crazy Tae Kwon Do classes, where we would do intense partner stretches. In no time I was able to do the side split with ease.

Those times are long gone. I’m older. I’m stiff and in pain. And it’s well documented how much I hate stretching.

Just a matter of months ago, because of awful sciatica, I wasn’t even able to touch my toes. My fingers barely reached my shins. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing, so I set out to make some changes.

And that was just the beginning. Before I knew it, I was touching my toes again. Then the floor. And now my goal for 2020 is to be able to place my hands flat on the ground whenever I want to.

And I’m close! Which gives me a lot of hope for the future, since a side split is a whole lot tougher than touching the ground. But you’re hearing it from me today. By the end of my 44th year, I’m going to plop myself down to the floor in a perfect split. It might kill me. It’ll certainly make all those around me wince just to watch. But it will happen!

Age is irrelevant!

Bucket List: Conquer the Pickle

It would be disingenuous for me to say I’ve never made pickles before. It would also be quite an overstatement to say that it is my intention to master the craft.

I’ve made pickles in the past, and they even came out pretty good. But what I want to do is master just one recipe that I (and hopefully my family) absolutely love.

It gets a little complicated when you start thinking about some of my quirks. You see, I love pickles. But I hate sweet pickles. I have an insane sweet tooth. Yet, there are several foods that I never want to be sweet at all.

For example, salsa. I love the stuff. I can eat it right from the jar. But I want it savory, with just enough spice. When you start throwing sweetener in there, or, God forbid, chucking mangos or whatever into my beautiful red delight, you’ve gone ahead and made me angry.

Sugar is awful for you. And in this instance, I believe it’s wholly unnecessary.

And the same goes for my pickles. Keep your damn sugar away. Problem is, almost every recipe I find calls for it.

So, by the big 44, I need to master just one recipe that I can always make whenever I want, it needs to make me and others happy, and I need to be satisfied with its lack of sweetness. (Or I can just order my favorites… )

Bucket List: Conquer the Hoop

When I shoot a basketball, the craziest thing happens. It doesn’t go in.

Ever.

I don’t know what it is about me and basketballs. I enjoy playing. I dribble fine. I move relatively well for my age and size. I’m a decent teammate.

But then I shoot… and the ball goes near, but not in the hoop.

I’ve always assumed that my basketball ailment was fixable, but I’ve never taken the time or energy to bother working on solving the problem.

But that was then, and this is now. If I have to stand in front of the basket for hours on end, and watch dozens of tutorials on YouTube, I will figure out how to get that damn ball in once and for all.

Because honestly, I currently laugh off my inability. But it’s actually kind of embarrassing. And I think we could all use a little less embarrassment in our lives, no?

Bucket List: Conquer the Wheel

And while I’m moving around a bunch…

I’ve always wanted to be able to do a cartwheel. I love watching people flop around through the air with ease and grace. And every time I try, I feel like an uncoordinated fool.

And certainly, as I learn the ropes, I’m sure I’ll feel that way again. But it’ll be worth it if by the time I’m 44 I can join the crowd of those who like to spin their way through vast open spaces.

I’m not yet confident I can do one of these suckers. But I am confident that I can try real hard!

And as a special bonus, I’m happy to film the progress along the way!

Bucket List: Conquer the Pipe

So my last one is very odd, if you know me. I hate cigarettes. I always have. They make me ill. They make my teeth hurt! And to make matters worse, I live in a country where I’m inundated with cigarette smoke 24 hours a day.

Nevertheless, I love the smell of pipes. Perhaps it comes from the incredible aroma, or perhaps there’s a bit of nostalgia from visiting my favorite professor in college while he smoked away at his pipe. Regardless, this is the year I give it a try.

Yeah, I’ll probably find it vile and I’ll never touch it again. But I still got to try. Ya know, for science…

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So, if you want to tutor me in how to shoot a basketball or do a cartwheel, you know the secret to getting to splits without my legs falling off, you have the perfect pickle recipe, or you want to come over and smoke a pipe with me, be in touch. Let’s conquer this bucket list together!

***

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Why the hell is my gym closed?

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It finally happened. I’m pissed.

The other day they shut down the gyms. Again. The first time they did it, I understood. I was unhappy, but I saw where they were coming from.

My life was about to get considerably more uncomfortable, but I saw that it was for the greater good, and went home to do my mediocre home workouts.

Starting the World Once Again

But then things started getting better, and finally the gyms could reopen, and life started to have an aura of normality once again.

But the numbers started climbing… and here we are.

And it stings a whole lot more than the first time. And I’ve been in a cruddy mood ever since.

So why am I so damn angry?

Chin Strap and Cigarette

I’m angry because I’ve been watching the people around me for months now. My joke (that’s not a joke at all) is the average Israeli walks around with a face mask on their chin and a cigarette dangling out of their mouth.

It’s funny because it’s so easy to picture. It’s not funny because it’s true. It’s everywhere. And they are screwing up everything for everybody else.

I walk around the street and I see about 10% wearing their face mask correctly. I might be being generous. Another 20% have no mask at all. Still, another 20% have the mask over their mouth but not their nose. But that remaining 50% just have that bad boy resting on their chin, doing nothing but creating a really unimpressive fashion trend.

And this is all their fault!

The Gym is Not the Problem

My gym is not the problem. That place has been fantastic. They require masks for all those arriving. They take people’s temperature upon arrival. These amazing people staggered machines so folk would be next to one another less often, and they closed off every other treadmill so two people wouldn’t run next to one another for prolonged periods. Then they purchased barriers to place between each machine.

There is hand sanitizer everywhere. And, like in most gyms, people are rarely next to one another for long periods. And possibly more important than anything else, everyone is either in excellent shape or is striving to be. None of us want to get sick. In fact, one of our reasons for going to the gym is to be the pinnacles of health. We are building up powerful immune systems and in general doing what we can to lead healthy lives.

The Fat Dumbass

My gym has hurt no one. Not one recorded Coronavirus case. Few from gyms in general. But the fat dumbass with the chin strap and cigarette gets to walk around, stand too close to people, and cough next to me in the grocery store.

We’re in this mess because of him. Not because of me. Not because of my gym. Because there are morons who refuse to observe the regulations. And rather than enforce them where it’s needed, the government would prefer to harass children, change the rules willy-nilly every 15 minutes, and pretend like they’ve done a bang-up job keeping us safe.

They have not. Not now. Not since the beginning.

What has been done?

They have done a lot of things. They have successfully instilled fear. They have succeeded in creating mass confusion. They have disrupted the economy in ways that will inevitably destroy the lives of tens of thousands of people.

But they have absolutely not kept us safe.

I walked home from the gym the other day wondering if it would be my last day there for a while (it was). On my way home I saw a gathering of a group of women outside a restaurant, easily 30 of them. No one was wearing a mask, no temperature was taken, and everyone was right next to one other. No space, none at all. And that’s how they’d be for who knows how long.

If just one of these ladies had Corona, she could easily pass it on to several if not all of these women. They’d bring it home and infect their families, their coworkers, their neighbors. Someone might pass it along to their brother with asthma. And someone might not wake up the next morning because of their irresponsible gathering.

But no police were breaking up the event. No fines were issued. They were able to behave as if life were normal.

Randomly Closing Things

But my gym is now closed. People’s livelihoods are being ruined. People’s outlets are being snatched out from under them. And one of the few ways citizens can actually improve their health is stolen. Once again.

And if you try and explain the logic behind why one thing is allowed and another is not, I guarantee you’ll fail. Usually attempts to do so come from those who cannot see any wrong in the behavior or decision-making abilities of the government of the Holy Land.

But there is no logic. Randomly closing some things and not others will not keep the country safe. Ikea is jam-packed with people scrambling to buy mediocre furniture. Why the hell can I not go do some squats at the gym?

Everything is Just a Little Worse… with Corona

And here I am. I’ve struggled from day one of my arrival to Israel. Under the best of circumstances, I am not doing so great here. And the way I look at Corona is it inherently emphasizes whatever complications you may be experiencing in life.

If work was hard before, it’s now all that much harder because of Corona. If you struggled with relationships beforehand, now you are suffering through the same ordeal just a tad more. Thanks to the wonderful world of Corona.

And my real and present Israel struggles have now taken a turn for the worse. The government’s frustrating ineptitude stands out like a sore thumb. The general population’s careless attitude and disregard for rules and authority are ruining people’s lives, and are actually resulting in people’s deaths. And waking up here every morning is getting harder every day.

And that was before the one outlet that keeps me sane was mindlessly ripped away from me.

Again.

And so I’m pissed.

Again.

But more so this time…

***

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Car Troubles and the Best Thing I Ever Bought

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Way back when I was having some car trouble. I admit it. I am not good with cars. At all.

Yeah, I can drive one just fine. At least, I assume I remember how to (currently, no license in Israel). But when it comes to maintenance and just general knowledge, I know nothing.

The Little Car that Couldn’t

So when my car just wouldn’t start, I was perplexed. It turned out something connecting the battery was loose, and the fix was ultimately super simple. But the process of getting there was a big pain.

We constantly needed to jumpstart the car. Yes, I know it’s not the end of the world. But it’s certainly quite the inconvenience. You need to flag someone down. Sometimes the car batteries are hard to work with. Sometimes it’s hard to find someone. Sometimes it’s super hard if not impossible to get the vehicles in the right position. And, of course, other times you’re just in a big rush and don’t have the patience for dealing with any of this garbage.

And then there’s the matter of knowing what to do. As a car ignoramus, I had to learn how to jumpstart my car. And to this day, I still struggle with remembering the details of how to do it correctly. In fact, my wife and I created a mnemonic device to remember all the details. We based it on the song Red and Black from Les Miserables.

But I digress.

The Mighty Portable Jump Starter

One time, someone who helped with my troubles hopped out, and in a matter of seconds jumped my Toyota with some device he was carrying. I had never seen a portable jump starter before, and I was in awe. He’s doing the same thing he’d be doing with his vehicle, with some neat toy he was just carrying around.

No worries about trying to get his vehicle in the right position. No worries about cables not reaching. The whole thing took a matter of seconds.

And I knew at that moment: I needed to get one!

And so after some research on good ole Amazon, I found the perfect portable battery charger… and everything was different from that day onwards.

No, I was still by no means a car expert. But when you’re driving along and see a car stopped on the side of the road, and you hop out and save the day in a matter of seconds, then hop back in your ride and drive off into the sunset, you feel like you’re the king of the car.

King of the Car

And it happened over and over again. In fact, once I was working at a school in Kansas. I was in charge of pickup duty at the end of the school day. Car after car pulled up in front of the school, and we chucked all of the students into them.

And one day a van pulled up… and boom, the driver was stuck. He was upset, agitated, and frustrated. And I ran off, grabbed my beautiful new happy device, and voila, problem solved in seconds. No hassle. No cables flying everywhere. He was able to get his car out of the way of the dozens of impatient parents behind him, and I was able to walk away feeling like I was the master of helping others.

Moments like this got me thinking about some stories I either watched or participated in over the years.

Good to be Prepared

Once I was hitchhiking in Gush Etzion and the driver was complaining about a cut on his finger, shaking it repeatedly because the cut was stinging a whole lot. I reached into my handy-dandy backpack, and while we zoomed along I put some Neosporin and a Bandaid on his bothersome laceration.

He referred to the Neosporin as magic!

Another time I was on a bus in Israel, and some poor girl had a nasty nosebleed. She was super frustrated and couldn’t contain her firehose nose. And then some awesome person mosied on over to her and handed her a roll of toilet paper.

I just happened to have Neosporin and a Bandaid on me. Some passerby happened to be carrying a roll of toilet paper (practically Israel’s version of a box of Kleenex). And, of course, I started driving around with a portable battery charger in my trunk.

What do all of these stories have in common? They all involved carrying something that was extremely useful, and being in the right place at the right time.

Right Place, Right Time

But is being in the right place something we can facilitate by being prepared all the time? Is there some way to always carry with you just the right batch of items so you’ll be ready to help others whenever the need arises?

So carrying a portable battery jump starter around with me everywhere I go isn’t very convenient. But many things are. Heck, I have a bottle opener attached to my keychain. Even that has come in handy numerous times. I remember once just walking along the mesila path in Jerusalem. There were a whole bunch of teenagers gathered together. Some poor girl was trying to open her soda on the side of a tree. I walked right up to her and held out the bottle opener.

She was perplexed.

But grateful.

Which is the common reaction when someone helps out of nowhere. Being a good person makes everyone around us happy. And yet it’s not expected of any of us.

But I want to always expect it of myself. I want to be willing and ready to be as helpful as possible whenever the opportunity arises.

The Guy I Want to Be

So what’s the best bang-for-my-buck bunch of items to always have on hand? What can I toss into my backpack and feel that no matter where I go, if someone needs a little help, I’ll be ready and capable of being there for them? You know, without carrying around crutches, a defibrillator, and an MRI machine.

Do you have any stories like these? Stories where you or someone else was carrying around just the right item at the perfect time, and was able to make someone’s day a whole lot better because of it?

That guy! I want to be that guy all the time.

***

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School in Israel and the Plague of Unknowing

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School Daze in the Holy Land

These are quite confusing times.

My son had been thriving in his distance learning already for a couple of months. But things were happening in the world. So, originally we were told that at best he would be back in school in September. But things were improving, so they decided it would be some time in June. But when they got even better, in mid-May we were told he’d be going back in just a week.

People were getting better. Israel’s infection rates were damn close to zero. And we were told to gear up… school was starting right away… but not really. The students were going to be separated into “capsules”, and the different capsules would go part-time and on alternating days. I read about the whole system and I was perplexed. You could map out the plan on a wall chart and still not really be able to figure out what was going on.

But it all turned out to be irrelevant. Put on your seatbelt boys and girls, because the government changed its minds again. We’re going to wait one day and we’ll be back in school fully and completely, with nothing different except face masks and hopefully a bit of social distancing.

And that lasted… for a whole week even!

What Happened Next?

A bunch of kids got sick at another school and before we could blink, we were back to distance learning once again.

Am I shocked?

Not. Even. Slightly.

At the time of writing, my son is in school, but he wasn’t the last two days, he won’t be the next two days, and he’s sitting confused among only a fraction of his peers who actually showed up.

School and the Second Intifada

The situation with Israel’s schools reminds me of a time way back when during the Second Intifada. The buses going into my region were mostly bulletproof, so the terrorists sought a loophole. Apparently the roofs of the buses were not actually bulletproof, since most attacks come from the sides.

So they went on top of a large hill, and opened fire at buses passing through a tunnel. The Israeli government caught on to the brilliantly murderous plan and placed a tank on top of those hills. Miraculously, the shooting stopped. The government thus decided that the problem was obviously solved and went ahead and removed the now clearly unnecessary tank.

Mysteriously the terrorists returned for more of their shenanigans, and the government was compelled to bring the tank back again. And the shooting stopped! And the cycle went on a few more times.

Despite Corona, the Schools Open Again

I couldn’t help but remember those confusing times when the government reopened the schools. Yes, the Corona rates in Israel had reduced down to next to nothing. The virus was spreading through the country like nobody’s business, and upon enacting countless measures, the numbers began to dwindle. Obviously we were in the clear, and it was time to open up the universe once again.

And before we knew it, infection rates were soaring once again. And the kids were all sent home from school.

But not everyone, mind you. Only from schools with actual cases, or students who were connected to those other schools.

Because, well, logic.

And a bunch of people sitting in dark rooms somewhere, in charge of making life or death decisions, are sitting and scratching their heads, wondering what the next decision will be.

So Much Unknown

Obviously there has been mass confusion since day one of this fiasco. One day we’re told specifically not to wear masks, since they won’t help and we’re essentially stealing them from those who really need them. A matter of months later, masks are everywhere, and we’re told they’re mandatory and extremely helpful to prevent further spread.

And who knows what we’ll be told tomorrow.

I keep thinking about what the history books will say about 2020. Will we be remembered as the generation that sacrificed our freedom in order to get rid of this killer illness? Or will everything we do and have done look silly to future generations? Will the virus morph into some monstrous plague that will destroy a huge percentage of the world, and have more impact than any of us could have ever imagined?

Or will it disappear in an instant and become something none of us talk about anymore, like a biological version of Y2K?

A lot of officials speak with confidence, about what we’re doing, what the future will look like, how we can help stop the spread but not massacre the economy. But why such confidence? What have we actually gotten right? And for that matter, how can we even consider something correct at this stage in history?

We lack the one element that could produce total and complete confidence in what we know: Time.

The Swedish Test

Sweden is a mess right now. They decided that they would seek herd immunity and have their citizens go out and about, while the rest of the world shoveled their people indoors. And their decision has killed a lot of people.

But, yet, I’m not unhappy about their decision. Obviously the deaths are terribly tragic. But how else would we have known what the correct procedure was when everyone else was following the same protocol as one another? Sweden shouldn’t be considered at fault for their decisions. Nor should anyone who is desperate to feed his children, so he wants to work despite the obvious potential risks in doing so.

Personally, I struggle every day when I simply walk down the street on my way to the gym. I see people out and about, face mask on their chin, cigarette dangling in the wind. And I start judging like crazy.

Right and Wrong

But who am I to judge? Yes, my mask is on properly. And I thought smoking was repellent way back when the grossest Corona was still that nasty beer. But I’m on my way to the gym. I’ll be in a hot room with a whole lot of people all sweating away on the same equipment. And, of course, I attended a wedding during all of this. Am I the responsible one? Again, only time will tell.

I wonder every day what’s right and what’s wrong. What will be considered old news in the near future. What new rules might come into our lives or old rules will be tossed in the waste basket. I wonder what my grandchildren will think about when the topic of 2020 comes up. What will the history books say about us?

Or will this whole catastrophe even get a chapter?

***

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Devorah, the Royalty of Step-Moms (5 Reasons Why)

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Devorah, the Step-Mom

Last week I spoke about step-parents, the unsung heroes with just about the most difficult job imaginable. But this week I would like to talk about a very specific step-mom: My beautiful Devorah, who stepped into her role with purpose, and continues to be amazing at it every single day.

I want to explore five reasons why Devorah is one of the best additions to the lives of my children, five reasons she has tackled her new role far better than anyone could have expected. Devorah, you may have all the fears I expressed last week. And you may question how great you are at what you do.

But you shouldn’t.

My kids should be falling at your feet, beyond grateful to who you are to them. Here’s why:

1) Devorah is the Step-Mom Queen of Kindness

Devorah’s kind and caring nature is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. It doesn’t matter if you’re my children, our children, or just a child in need, she is there, ready and willing to do whatever is needed to ease whatever it is that is ailing you.

Do you have a cough? A headache? Your stomach is bugging you? It’s a good thing it happened when you were around Devorah, who will now drop everything and make it her mission to find a way to ease any and all suffering. I’ve seen her do it countless times, not just for my kiddos, but for me as well!

Devorah looks at people and tries to figure out what it is they need at any given moment. Sometimes it’s a snack. Other times it’s attention. Of course, sometimes it’s a huge hug. And still, other times someone needs the entire focus to be on them. And that is her specialty! I’ve watched her calm a tantrum just by bringing a daughter into our bedroom (which is usually off-limits) and letting her put on earrings. They feel special, they feel loved, and sanity is restored to our home.

Just a couple of short years ago, a whole lot of kindness entered into the lives of my children. They are so much better off for it. We all are!

2) Devorah is the Step-Mom Duchess of Dining

There is a typical “mom” quality. Some spark that exists in the souls of all good and caring mothers. They yearn to feed the hungry. They are uncomfortable with the notion of little people running around without full bellies.

And some take that trait to the next level. Someone like Devorah can’t stand a hungry child. And she wants to make sure that not only are they well-fed, but the food they eat is beyond delicious, and loaded with nutrition as well.

I fed my kids well prior to remarriage. But this is next level. Their lives have gotten the upgrade of the century.

3) Devorah Listens… Actually Listens

I have never met someone more attentive than Devorah. When my children have a question or a problem, or just need to have lots of words come out of their mouths, there are people in this world willing to listen. They will hear things, respond with pleasantries, and maybe toss in a couple of words here and there.

But not Devorah. She is attentive and caring. She is sensitive and sympathetic. The words aren’t mindless jibber-jabber to her. She really wants to hear what they are saying and determine why they are saying it. And the words of the sad or lonely or hurt or confused never fall upon deaf ears. They never reach someone who isn’t fully and completely interested in understanding the one who is suffering.

4) Devorah is the Step-Mom Countess of Creativity

When Devorah helps, or wants to do something nice for another, she pulls deep from within years upon years of creativity to go way above and beyond what might be expected of just about anyone. My son wanted to take up juggling, next thing any of us knew, she’s grabbing some old denim and millet and creating him flawless, professional juggling balls (something like these).

Each one of us has a homemade mask. Every time my children come over, their enchanting step-mom has expended massive mental energy ensuring that something is different, something is better than it was the day before.

The gifts she gives are amazing. The thought, care, and consideration into everything she does is unmatched. Devorah is loaded with talents. And when she is a part of your life, those talents become a part of your life as well. She is the most creative step-mom alive, and I truly hope my kids catch the creative “bug” from her. There is so much to learn, so much to gain!

5) Devorah is the Step-Mom Princess of Patience

As a parent, I find myself constantly struggling between thoughtful responses versus reactiveness. A thoughtful response occurs when you can collect yourself, calm down, think through a response, and apply the best possible solution you can conceive to the situation.

Reactiveness is when you just do the first thing that comes to mind, usually because your emotion is wrapped up in the moment. One child hits another. There’s blood, there’s screaming, there’s crying. Your heart is welling up with tension and anger, and before you know it, you’re participating in all of the yelling as well. You’re doing nothing with long-term benefits for the situation, just getting worked up and falling deep into the intensity of what’s going on in front of you.

But Devorah is rarely reactive. She rarely does anything in life without care and attentiveness. And that’s a quality all children can benefit from. And hopefully emulate!

Not to mention, she’s in this for the long game. She certainly knows that what we say and do with the children will be a part of who they are for quite some time to come. That’s a responsibility not to be taken lightly, and one she cares about all the time.

***

Devorah stepped into my life a couple of years ago. Slowly she trickled into the lives of my children as well. And now I don’t think they can remember a world without her. And I’m beyond grateful for that fact. Their world is so much better off with a Devorah in it!

***

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5 Reasons Why Step-Parents Have the Most Challenging Job

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Parents vs. Step-Parents

I’ve been a dad for nearly 17 years. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even remember what it’s like not to be a father. I wake up knowing that my decisions have consequences. I go to sleep knowing that decisions I made throughout the day could affect my children for many years to come.

But I also go to sleep knowing there are four little angels out there who love me no matter what. When they hug me, it’s the purest connection I know. Just unadulterated love poured from one person to another.

And in that regard, parenting is easy. The reward is inherent in the task. You get to love another person, and that love comes back to you tenfold.

And so we scrape our way through the tough years. We tolerate when we are vomited upon. We survive years of children playing parents against one another. And we power our way through the arrogant, all-knowing teenage years.

But there is a person who deserves as much praise if not more than the parent. And that is the mighty step-parent.

The Mighty Step-Parent

I am not a step-parent. God willing, I will never be one. Therefore, it can definitely be argued convincingly that I have no right to speak about the subject. I can’t possibly understand the struggles of working hard with a partner to raise children who are not my own. I will never quite grasp the nuances of this special and ultra-complicated role.

But I’m watching a step-mother every day. And I’m fascinated by the process. And more impressed than my sweet Devorah will ever really know and understand.

Therefore, this and the next post are dedicated to the unsung heroes: The step-parents. The ones who put themselves out there every day, not because they watched a child from birth until now. Not because of an inherent biological connection to the child. But because their nature is kindness. They love and care for other little people completely unsure of whether that love will be reciprocated.

And thus I present, five insane challenges of being a step-parent:

1) Becoming a Step-Parent is Too Quick

The step-parent process is anything but gradual. When you raise your own children, you watch them grow and develop. You see the formation of their personality. And you might even have a hand in guiding the child from where they started to where they are now.

But when you are a step-parent, you get a semi-complete package, replete with any and all of the baggage that was picked up along the way. You don’t have time to appreciate how far the child has come and certainly had no impact in them getting there.

Yet you are expected to jump in and be there for them. To be parent-like, without the benefit of years of developing a relationship and familiarity. What you see is what you get… no matter what you see.

2) Step-Parents are Wildly Underappreciated

You can be everything to the step-child, but it is unlikely to be rewarded in the same way a parent gets rewarded. This is both by the child himself, and by society at large. Being a step-parent can be a whole lot of hard work. Children reward parents with hugs and a whole lot of unconditional love. Society recognizes the mighty parent for their self-sacrifice, ever-present commitment, and their adoration of their precious children.

Step-parents, no matter how great they are, are lucky to get a pat on the back. Children thank them like a helper in school and society at large wonders what their purpose is.

3) Step-parents Fear Dual Loyalty

Children have always and will always pit parents against one another. It’s a classic ploy. But ultimately, in a healthy household, parents deal with it like champions. They never fall into the trap. And it never interferes with the couple’s relationship.

But what about with step-parents? Obviously a parent can discipline their own child… and it’s usually wildly inappropriate for a complete stranger to do so. It would seem, at least to them, that a step-parent falls somewhere in between. But where exactly?

Even if a step-parent is as close to being a parent without actually being a parent, and there is an understanding with the couple that the kids must relate to the step-parent as an authority, does this change how it feels when the step-parent has to be strong or harsh? Not in the slightest. They fear how the “real” parent will react when they are putting the children in their place. Or not giving them their hearts’ desires.

Is it a logical fear? Well, sometimes very much so. And the step-parent needs to survive with that insecurity hanging over their head.

4) Step-Parents Never Feel Certain

There is a level of certainty that comes with parenting (with definite exceptions). Yes, you’ll need to discipline your children at times. You’ll have to say “no”, despite begging, screaming, and crying. And you might have a fear somewhere in your system that you’re damaging the relationship. But you dust off your shoulders, stand up, and get right back to it.

And tomorrow’s another day. The love is not diminished. The hugs are just as strong. Yesterday was quite awful… but it’s over and long gone.

Step-parents don’t have such luxuries. They fear, day in and day out, that anything they do “wrong” will get a response akin to “You’re not my real mom”, followed by a permanently damaged relationship.

5) Love Isn’t as Obvious as it Should Be

The words “mom” and “dad” ideally should be laden with adoration and admiration. Endorphins spread through my whole system to this day every time my beautiful children call me “abba”. Their hugs are true gold. And I feel the blessings of having them in my life each and every day.

But step-parents are often called by their first names. There isn’t necessarily something that binds them together that is deeply inherent in the relationship. And if the day should come that they cease to be a step-parent any longer, the bond that was there is often broken immediately, never to return again.

Is this the reality? I’m sure it is in some cases. Perhaps most. But even when the step-parent does bond with the children, and the love is real and powerful, does it remove the fears? Does it help them fall asleep at night? Does the uncertainty get swept away? Or do step-parents worry, with each passing day, that their bond is breakable, if not easily destroyed?

Step-parents need to be amazing, and fulfill their role daily, despite the love not being anywhere near as obvious as they might want it to be.

***

And with all this, they do it anyway. Step-parents do it daily. They do it with a smile, even if it will turn into tears a few hours later.

And they do it well.

They are the true heroes.

***

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Tales of an Extraverted Introvert

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Confused Identity

Having a confused identity is nothing new to me. In fact, it’s part of my identity.

For the longest time I’ve called myself an introvert. And a few events recently called that into question for me.

Am I an Introvert?

But first, why did I think I was an introvert in the first place?

For one, I absolutely love to be alone. It’s my natural state. And I use it extremely well. Left to my own devices I am extraordinarily productive and, for the most part, I really enjoy myself. Almost every time. And for lengthy periods as well.

Also, I’m not inherently social. I have tons of trouble starting conversations with strangers. I’m nervous about any time I might be featured in public. And I’m absolute garbage at parties. I’ve never figured out the dynamic. I don’t think I ever will.

So why would anyone call my introversion into question? Well, for one, as much as I love to be alone, there comes a point where I just need to go out and greet the world. I absolutely love meeting new people. And even if I feel nauseous before anything I do in public, once I get moving, I start feeling really comfortable, and I rather enjoy it.

Furthermore, all I need is an initial boost in social situations. And after that, I’m perfectly fine. I do great when others initiate the conversation, or we have something obvious to speak about. From that point on, I’m pretty much good to go.

Extraverted Introvert

And that’s why for the longest time I’ve thought of myself as an extraverted introvert. I’m an introvert at heart. But deep down I don’t want to be. I fight past my tendencies, and when the ball gets rolling, I can fool anyone into thinking I’m an extravert.

But maybe that’s not true either.

Two recent moments made me realize that maybe I’m something else entirely.

What’s up with these introverts?

We had a Shabbat meal. Apparently, I was surrounded by introverts, and they were all discussing what large social settings feel like to them. They spoke about the slightly-less introverted having to jump into gear because the somewhat-more introverted is not pulling their weight.

I guess I was a little less involved in the conversation, not so clear in what they were talking about. My wife was shocked at my confusion. Clearly any red-blooded introvert would be able to relate fully to this common scenario!

So… in essence, I feel like an introvert. But around other introverts, I’m an outsider. They’re experiencing something I have trouble relating to and identifying with. So clearly I cannot be one of the clan. If I were a true member of the group, I wouldn’t be sitting there confused. I’d be nodding along with the rest of the crowd.

Introverts in the Time of Corona

The other reason my introversion has been called into question is the way I’ve reacted to all the Coronavirus fun we are all going through.

You see, I know more than a few people who are reluctant to admit that they’re actually enjoying this period in their life. For whatever reason. They’re a homebody, and love to have an excuse to stay at home all day, never get dressed, and just sprawl out on the couch and relax. They loath feelings of social obligations and would rather just enjoy the company of their immediate household.

Whatever the reason, their house is their home, and they’re ecstatic to finally have an excuse to stay there as much as possible.

But I’m not built that way. Not at all.

But… I am.

A 90/10 Loner Socialite

OK, here’s how it goes. I consider myself a 90/10 loner socialite. (Is it possible being left alone with my brain all day long is starting to get to me?)

What I mean by this is I want to spend 90% of my time left to my own devices. Learning new things. Doing projects. Being with my family. Snuggling with my dog.

And I can enjoy a whole lot of that.

But then I reach a limit. I need to get out. I need to see the world. I’m itching to interact with a lot of people. And God knows, I’m desperate to meet new people. That’s been one of the hardest parts of this experience for me. I don’t feel like I’ve met any new people in months!

When the Social is None

And what happens when I don’t have that 10% social interaction I need? It has an ill effect upon the other 90%. It’s like a package, where the enjoyment of my social time is contingent on having adequate alone time. And my alone time is far more pleasureful if it’s accompanied by just the right amount of getting out and meeting the world.

So my time stuck at home is basically too much of a good thing. It’s loading up on ice cream and French Fries, but absolutely never getting that essential vegetable. And it’s leaving me with a giant social void, and less appreciation of time spent staring at the walls of my apartment.

So… What is this Jaffe Thing??

So what am I? A pure introvert might tell me I’m a faker. A true introvert would not crave social interaction or have an actual need to meet new people. They would relish in the pleasure of having absolutely no social obligations. They would cherish this unique time in history where the world’s expectations of them are placed on temporary hold.

So, maybe I’m not the introvert I thought I was. But I’m hard-pressed to call myself an extrovert. I’m still the guy who would rather keep his hand down throughout class and would prefer if I’m never called upon. I’m here to hear the lecturer, not the other way around.

And I still want to just lie down on a super-comfy couch indefinitely and enjoy the peace and quiet of nothing and nobody around me.

A Loner?

But how can I just be a loner if I want to spend lots of quality time with my family? And I love staying in touch with friends from all over the world? And I welcome strangers into my home? And, of course, I recognize my 90/10 necessity?

Maybe I’m not a loner. Or an introvert, an extrovert, or an introverted extrovert. Or a 90/10 loner socialite.

Maybe I’m just what I’ve known myself to be for quite some time now.

Confused.

***

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3 Quick Workouts To Keep Your Heart Healthy

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Enjoy another guest post, this time from a new friend I met during the wonderful word of networking, Eric Piccione, a former Division 1 Collegiate Athlete turned blogger. Eric and I share a passion for health and fitness, which shines brightly in this article about three fantastic quick workouts that will get your heart pumping in no time.

***

Quick workouts are great if you have minimal time and want to be efficient.

Quick workouts, if done right, can have some amazing health benefits, some of which include:

 improved cardiovascular health increased metabolism fat loss and weight loss faster brain function more time to do what needs to be done in the day

Quick, efficient workouts are great for people on the road, or if one really wants to challenge himself in a short time frame.

Throughout this article, we will do our best to explain the benefits in more detail, and hopefully give you a better understanding of why you might want to consider doing a quick workout in the future.

 A few points we will talk about will be:

 The circuit-style quick workout The AMRAP quick workout Big set workout Which quick workout is best for you? Other alternatives to quick workouts Conclusion

 I know you are on the edge of your seat at this point, so let’s get into it!

The Circuit-Style Quick Workout

When training in a circuit style, this will likely be the most structured and organized method for your workouts.

This will include lots of supersets. Meaning, after you finish with one exercise, you immediately go over to another exercise and repeat this for a set amount of rounds. For example, if you do 15 pushups, you will immediately transition into mountain climbers for 15 reps, and back again to pushups.

By alternating exercises, it challenges your muscles in different parts of your body without affecting one another directly. When doing a superset, it’s best to focus on a specific muscle group, and the next set should focus on a different muscle group.

That way you are not overdoing or fatiguing your muscles to where you can’t perform the exercises with good form.

Alternatively to supersets, you can simply transition to multiple exercises for one specific amount of reps and sets.

 A great layout of a circuit-style quick workout would be:

10 Pushups10 Mountain Climbers, each leg10 Jump Squats5 Burpees

That’s one round. Rest for one minute, and then repeat for three more rounds.

The next round:

10 Tricep Dips10 V-ups10 Jump Lunges 5 Burpees

Again, rest for one minute, and then repeat for three more rounds.

You can easily design your own circuit-style quick workouts. Whatever the case, it all comes down to your creativity. A great way to approach a quick workout is to think about how to target each muscle at least some point during the exercises. If you’re only going to work out for a short amount of time, you might as well get the maximum results from it.

The AMRAP Quick Workout

As many reps as possible, (AMRAP) is a workout style designated to maximize your effort in a specific time frame.

While the workouts are simple, you are really going to have to dig deep in order to finish them.

They consist of simply performing as many reps as you can within a specific time frame.

You can either structure it to be one-minute per exercise, or simply finish the reps and move on to the next exercise until you complete the round, and repeat it all over again for as many rounds as you possibly can do.

A workout might look like:

Do as many rounds as possible in 12 minutes:

10 Burpees20 Air squats10 Burpees10 Pike Pushups10 Burpees10 V-ups

Or

10 Jump Squats10 Wide Grip Pushups10 Jump Squats10 Crunches10 Jump Squats10 Diamond Pushups

You can even do burpees for 15 mins straight.

Whatever the format for your workout, aim to challenge your body to the max level.

The Big-Set Workout

This one can be complicated without writing it down. You can format the workout however you want, but we typically do each movement for 1 min – 1 min 30 seconds.

You simply perform each exercise one time, then move on to the next.

A quick example would be:

Do each exercise for one minute 30 seconds for as many reps as possible.

PushupsAir SquatsDiamond PushupsReverse LungesCrunchesDive bomber pushupsJump squatsRussian twists

If you really want to get bigger arms, make a majority of the exercises focused on the arms. However, we recommend focusing on the entire body for these workouts.

Which Quick Workout is Best for You?

There really isn’t one “best” workout style. They are all just ideas that you can use for your workouts.

That being said, we like to do the circuit-style because it is so organized and you know what to expect.

It may not be the most challenging, but I like structure in my life.

AMRAP would be ideal for a day when you really want to crank out some sweat.

They all have their benefits. However, do the one that looks the most appealing to you!

An Alternative to Quick Workouts

Personally, as fun as making a structured workout can be, I’d much rather be coached every step of the way.

That’s why I use the Nike Training Club App. 

The workouts are simple, easy to follow, and very challenging. I have attempted to use well over 20 different workout apps, and this one is by far my favorite.

If you have access to some dumbbells, that’s really the only equipment you need for a majority of the workouts. However, you can definitely do many of the workouts without equipment.

One of my favorite exercises to do in the app is the bodyweight leg workout. They’ve challenged my legs in ways that I didn’t even think was possible!

I’m thankful for this app and the fact that it’s free with over a hundred workouts to choose from!

Conclusion

Whatever your workout preference, make it fun, make it challenging, and make the most of it!

A quote I really like to reference when I think of slacking off for my workout is:

“If you do what’s hard, life will be easy; if you do it easy, life will be hard”

Find ways to challenge yourself even if it’s only for a 10-minute workout. You are the master of your life, so make the right decisions, not the easy ones.

A few topics we talked about today were:

How quick workouts can challenge your body and boost your metabolism just as much as a traditional workoutThe different types of quick workoutsHow you can structure your own quick workoutsUsing workout apps can guide you through the exercises

At the end of the day, the one who will benefit from this is you. If you don’t take action, then the few minutes you spend reading this will have been wasted. Take out a pen and paper and write down a very simple and easy-to-follow quick workout you want to try. Then do it!

Thank you so much for reading, and as always, stay amazing!

***

As always, I love having guest bloggers. If you have something you’d like to say and you’re looking for a good forum to get your word out, please be in touch!

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A Corona Wedding Extravaganza

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Wedding Dilemma

A few weeks ago, I had a dilemma. A friend was getting married. And God knows I wanted to be there. He’s an angel of a human being, he’s come a really long way since we met, and I really wanted to see him in his moment of true happiness.

But we are in odd times.

Any other time, there would be no hesitation. I would have been there dancing with excitement, without even a thought.

Times of Corona

But we are in the times of Corona. The world is a different place now. The rules are changing by the minute. And I had more than a few fears stepping into a world where I could get sick. Or get my family sick. Or be responsible for someone else getting sick.

Or even just getting quarantined, with all the awful consequences that would come along with it.

This event would literally be the first stepping outside of my Corona bubble in a couple of months. Up to this point, I left the house to walk my dog, throw out trash, go grocery shopping, or transport my girls. That’s it! I still cringe when I watch TV and I see people shake hands. There is no part of me that is ready for normality to return.

And yet I was about to jump into a crowd with a whole bunch of strangers.

Corona Stats

To make matters more complex, the wedding was in an ultra-orthodox neighborhood. The Coronavirus has spared nobody, and has wormed its way across the world. But some communities were affected far worse than others. Recent statistics have shown that as much as 70% of all of Israel’s cases have been ultra-orthodox, a really terrifying statistic, especially when you consider they represent barely a drip above 10% of the population.

And with a quick trip to the communities it’s not at all hard to figure out why that’s the case. The communities are crowded, very densely populated. There is a constant need to gather in groups for prayer services. And on top of all of that, there is always a feeling that they have their own rule book. Which, technically, they do.

The Rules Dwindle…

And I watched as the evening progressed and the rules rapidly got left in the dirt. At first, almost everyone was wearing masks, and most were wearing them correctly (although I don’t know how beards affect things though). People weren’t touching much. And even though there was never a point in which people were a couple of meters apart, they were basically separate from one another.

But that was the beginning.

Masks slowly went to chins or pockets. Folk inched closer to one another. And by the end, everyone was dancing hand in hand.

I was a bit unnerved. And more than a little scared.

Adam, Eve… and Corona

I was reminded of an interpretation of the story of Adam and Eve. Adam had told Eve she couldn’t touch the tree. He presented the rules as stricter than they were in order to prevent the actual rule from being broken. Later, the snake would push her up against the tree, and when nothing went wrong, he said, “Look lady, nothing happened. You’re OK. It’s all a big lie. Why don’t you just eat one of the darn things?”

It’s as if the first two folk who shook hands or bumped into one another, were shocked that they didn’t fall to the floor in a Coronavirus coma. Furthermore, the police didn’t zoom on by and slap them with an outrageous fine. Empowered by the relative safety of the situation, they removed their masks. They inched closer to one another. And they began dancing with joy, knowing they were safe in every way.

But we all know the truth. And the truth can literally kill.

A Blissful Wedding

So the wedding was blissful… but terrifying. And I stood there with my mask on, and the hand sanitizer left my pocket more than a few times.

So why did I go, you may ask?

Well, for one, I have been yearning to be around other people for months now. This wasn’t exactly going to be the social scene I’d been looking for. But it was still something. And Israel has been rapidly putting the restrictions to the side. I’m not quite ready to put the virus behind me, but it’s starting to feel like the majority of the country has just moved on.

A Wedding To Be At

In addition, this was a beautiful friend who I wanted to see in his greatest glory. I watched him come to Israel a couple of years ago, young and clueless. Not quite knowing what the next few years would be like. I certainly don’t think he expected his own wedding was in the near future. I wanted to see his smile. I wanted to watch him dance with glee. And I got to see all of that and more!

Also, weddings in the time of Corona are an extremely difficult prospect. The wedding was initially announced before any of us knew how serious this virus was. And the family started buying up their plane tickets. Under ordinary circumstances, the wedding would have been jam-packed with friends and family who had come quite the distance to celebrate.

But now it was down to next to none.

It’s at the point where every number counts. Every guest is noticeable and contributes to the joy. Not to mention, someone needs to tell the guy holding the “Zoom” computer to lift it up a little higher. Someone needed to capture the groom and his brother dancing together, so the parents who couldn’t come have some visual to hold onto forever.

Joy without Regret

And most of all, I fear regret. I fear looking back ten years from now, seeing that I could have celebrated this glorious day, and chose not to. I’ve done that before. With far smaller excuses. And the regret burns. It can’t happen again. I won’t let it.

It’s a few weeks later. I’m still healthy. My family’s safe. I helped make a lot of people very happy.

Time will tell if I made the right decision.

In the meantime, I’m happy I saw a little glimmer of joy during this prolonged period of suffering.

May we never need to hesitate before celebrating our greatest joys together!

***

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