David Andrew Jaffe's Blog, page 19

I Chewed Slowly for 6 Weeks. What Happened!?

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I tried everything else. But the time came to take things to a whole new level. A scary level for me.

After a lifetime of throwing food down my face like it was drugs I was trying to hide from an imminent police invasion, I needed to learn to slow things down.

How Slowly, You Ask?

I’m by no means perfect. I still multitask when I eat, and often eat standing, neither of which are recommended by the strong advocates of mindful eating.

But I went from barely chewing my food, to utterly and completely chewing the hell out of each and every bite. Slowly, oh so very slowly. In addition, I put my utensils down in between each bite. This was quite a difference for me, since beforehand I would be readying myself to put more food in my mouth long before I swallowed the previous bite. I was like a vulture, ready to swoop down on my prey.

But here I was, chew chew chewing, and waiting (somewhat) patiently for the next bite to come.

This was tough, although it did get easier as the weeks progressed. It started to become somewhat of a habit for me. But I could never keep this craziness up if there were no results to speak of.

So I’ve been slowly chewing my food like crazy for six weeks. What do I have to report?

Random Results of the Chewing Experiment

Well, first the random items that don’t make any sense to me (yet).

For one, I’m thirstier and seem to need to go to the bathroom more often than before. I don’t know why. My best theory is that I’m, essentially, drinking all of my food. I’m chewing everything until it’s basically a liquid, so in essence, I’m drinking a ton… and hence the bathroom visits.

And speaking of liquids… one of the weirdest things I’m experiencing so far is a craving for hot beverages. All the time. I know it’s winter, so it’s logical. But it’s never happened to me before. A few cups of coffee here and there. But always for the caffeine jolt, never for the heat. In fact, the heat was always a deterrent for me. And I was happy to have an iced coffee, if it meant getting the caffeine into my system quicker. So craving hot beverages is an entirely new and odd sensation for me. And I have no idea why this is happening.

New Perception of Food

So, the main changes I’ve experienced so far in this new world I’ve entered:

I’m starting to perceive food differently, which is a really welcome change. I think twice before putting most things in my mouth. My thought pattern usually goes like this, “Eating is more of a task than it used to be. Before I would just unthinkingly shovel massive amounts of food in my face. But now it takes time. It takes effort. If I’m going to eat this, I need to be committed to the task at hand. Is this particular food worth it?”

And that thought pattern has a serious impact on just about everything I eat.

And I love it!

For the first time since I can remember, I’m slowly starting to get in touch with what the sensation of “full” feels like. Generally speaking I usually only felt full after gorging myself on a whole lot of food, or after eating a bunch of red meat. But this was an uncomfortable sensation. I wasn’t full so much as in a bit of pain, and somewhat grossed out by my own gluttony.

If I didn’t get to that point, I basically just had to decide to stop eating. It wasn’t my body saying it was comfortably full. It was me telling myself, “OK idiot, it’s time to stop eating everything in sight.”

But it’s changing. It’s amazing! I feel like I’m getting closer to knowing when I’m good to go. I don’t necessarily know how to follow the signs just yet, but I’m most certainly moving in the right direction.

Husbands = Human Garbage Disposals

As is the ritual of many men across the world, I’m usually the spouse garbage disposal. I finish my food… and then I finish whatever my wife does not.

But the other night was a new and different experience. I was done eating. I felt full, which was already a unique and exciting experience. But then she gave me her food, and, well, ya know… tradition.

I ate it.

And then I got a stomachache.

And I was so happy.

Yes, happy with a stomachache. Why? Because my body was starting to send me signals I hadn’t received in decades!

Full? This is a concept I’m not so familiar with. But I desperately want to be! And I’m overjoyed that the possibility of having any understanding of the way my body processes food and hunger singles is actually within my grasp.

But what about the important stuff?

But everything up to this point is just words. It’s all theoretical. If I learn to feel full or have a better relationship with food, I’m still not going to be happy if I don’t see results. I’m going to get frustrated, and I’m going to give up.

I weigh myself every Friday morning. For the last several years I’ve angrily gotten on the scale to see myself wavering in the 191-192 range. Every single week, no matter what I did. Intermittent fasting? Reduced carbs? Cutting out sugar? Extra cardio? It didn’t matter! That scale wouldn’t budge, and it got to the point where I would dread stepping on the scale every Friday. It was too damn frustrating to see the same old crap each week.

One week into my chewing slowly adventure, I hopped on the scale and I marveled at the 188 staring back at me. Was something finally working? I had dipped below 190 for the first time in years. And I was very, very intrigued.

And each week I would step on the scale again and again. Each time a little fearful. Fearful that my progress would stop. Fearful that upon seeing an unchanging number I would lose the motivation to continue.

How far can this go!?

But each week I marveled as the numbers were going down and down and down. And here I stand, six weeks in. My most recent weigh-in had me at 179.4, about 12 pounds down from the weight I started at. In just six weeks! I look good. I feel good. And I couldn’t be happier that I finally found something that is working for me.

Chewing slowly is not easy… but it’s getting easier. Of course, how could it not be getting easier? Look at the results I’m receiving!

Will I ever become a super hippy-dippy full-on mindful eating nutjob? Highly unlikely. But I’m a convert to the world of chewing slowly. I just wish I started twenty years ago!

***

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Damage Deeper than Anyone Could Imagine

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Sometimes the smallest interactions can have the greatest impact.

I needed to bring something to the dry cleaners the other day. When I went to pick up our item, I made some polite conversation with the really sweet guy in charge of the place. I asked him how business was going. And his answer made me want to cry.

Damage Where You Least Expect It

He told me that the majority of his business came from hotels. In the past, he would be in hotels three times a day. Now he’s barely ever in one at all. Also tourists would come for holidays, get their clothing dry cleaned. Now he has almost no business, and he recently had to let two of his workers go.

The man acted in good spirits, but you can tell he was masking massive pain. And that it was fairly likely his store would not be around for much longer.

And a part of me died hearing all of this.

Suffering in Silence

I don’t think anyone’s naive enough to not know that some people are hurting tremendously from Covid’s impact on the economy. But I think the average person doesn’t see how deep the problem runs. It’s easy to assume that hotels and tour guides are being bashed by the continuous lack of tourism. But who could have imagined a dry cleaners would be suffering this much?

And this all got me thinking about how badly thousands if not millions of people are suffering in silence. I think it will be years before we piece together the extent of the damage caused by 2020 (and beyond).

Those of us who miraculously managed to remain undamaged financially from all this craziness have one thing and one thing alone: Dumb luck. We managed to retain our employment by having a profession that can withstand the current situation or, as in my case, by being in the right place at the right time. But that’s it. We are in no way, shape, or form better than someone who has been out of work for months or even a year now.

Those of us who miraculously managed to remain undamaged financially from all this craziness have one thing and one thing alone: Dumb luck.
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Who Gets to Eat, Who Must Starve?

There’s a viral video of a restaurant owner in the States who got a visit from an inspector telling him he needs to shut his place down. The man responded by blocking in the inspector’s car so he couldn’t leave. The inspector emphatically told the owner he needs to move his vehicle so he could leave, as did some police officers. And the restaurant owner just kept on shouting at them that it’s unfair they should be permitted to work while he and his workers’ families starve.

His tactics were outlandish, and I’m not yet sure I agree he approached everything in the best possible manner. But his point is insanely important. The inspector has a job and is earning a regular paycheck because by sheer dumb luck his job is allowed to continue. If he ran a movie theater, he’d be piling on debt right now. Surely no one is suggesting the police stay at home to prevent the spread of an infectious disease… but if they were instead personal trainers, they’d be at home collecting coupons and searching their couches for loose change.

People’s lives are getting ruined every single day. Good people. Hard-working people. Otherwise quite successful people. And most of us just walk on by, without a care in the world. Why? Because our electricity is still running and our children were able to eat breakfast that morning.

And on top of all of this, some are given no alternatives. The restaurant owner was following all the rules. He overturned his business so that customers could dine outside. He was doing everything correctly, to try and keep his staff and customers as safe as he could. His reward? A callous inspector still shuts him down with the wave of a cold, uncaring hand.

Why Not Shut Down Everything?

I’ve had a repeated argument with my son for months now. He doesn’t understand why we can’t just shut everything down, close the airports, and just endure the circumstances until we’ve choked the life out of this thing. It’s not that I don’t see his point. During Israel’s first two lockdowns, there was a clear correlation between the lockdown and a number reduction. But he fails to see two major elements here, which is why despite having an insanely high rate of vaccinations, the third lockdown was an abysmal failure.

Why can’t he see this (besides, of course, being young)? First, his parents are both employed. We’re on that lucky side of the track where we get to eat while others get giddy if the government hands them a paltry check to help out a little. Second, he is a hard-core introvert. For certain, he misses his BJJ classes. But that’s where it ends. He can live a long and happy life with minimal social interaction.

So he doesn’t understand that a full and complete lockdown will cause two extreme results.

Irreparable Damage to the Economy

First, it will cause irreparable damage to the economy. Some businesses have been forced to shut down, despite making countless efforts to do everything to keep people safe, and despite being responsible for a ton of employees and a slew of customers’ well-being and happiness.

But the damage to the individuals might even be worse, and have longer-lasting effects. Maybe everyone in the world needs to feel what it’s like to be broke, to not know how you’ll be able to pay for your next meal. They need to know that things don’t just “get better” the moment you are on your feet again. The suffering and fears continue. Indefinitely. No vaccine or cure can prevent those broken pieces left behind by Covid.

And that leads into the second impact of these lockdowns.

Irreparable Damage to our Souls

They can do untold damage to people psychologically. No one is immune to the effects of the social isolation that has happened to so many of us. Even if you enjoyed staying at home and avoiding social obligations, there is none among us who won’t crack at some point. We all have our minimum threshold. And when we dip beneath it, terrible depression can and will sink in.

Sometime in the future we’re going to start picking up the pieces of what was left behind by this disaster. And yes, we will see millions of lives lost. But with a deeper look, we will see damage that goes way deeper than just a death toll. And we will find out about more lives ruined than we could have ever imagined, in ways that we could not have dreamt up.

It is imperative upon all of us to not just look at the cold, hard facts. To not just look at the statistics. There is so much hurt surrounding us, every single day. Why not reach out to the people around you and see how they’re doing? You never know who in your life could benefit from a few kind words.

***

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Cancel, Boycott, Dislike, or None of the Above?

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I need your help, loyal readers. I’m confused, and I’m once again trying to figure out how my mind works.

The Folly of Cancel Culture

I hate cancel culture. And I despise others imposing on the world this silly and overbearing version of political correctness that forces people to bend to their desired speech at all times.

And that’s why I’ve been really good at separating art from the artist for most of my adult life.

Cancel Braveheart?

One of my favorite movies is Braveheart. It’s action-packed with a great story and fantastic acting. I loved every minute. Later on it would come to the surface that the movie’s director and lead actor is a rabid anti-Semite (allegedly, anyway). Now, modern world behavior would dictate that I boycott this and all of his films. I lead a protest telling everyone to cancel Mel Gibson. And I never watch any of his movies again, since they should make me shiver with anger.

(In silent protest, I stopped watching What Girls Want… but perhaps that’s for different reasons.)

But no, I still love Braveheart and I’m happy to watch it again. Lethal Weapon also. They’re great films, and the fact that the actor is a sleaze doesn’t bother me at all. Not in theory, nor when watching the movies.

And the same goes for Louis CK. I loved his comedy and still do. I think the man is hysterical, and that hasn’t changed despite the world’s discovery that he might be a tad on the grotesque side. Again, I’ve separated the art from the artist. What a person has said and done does not change my opinion of their accomplishments that I will continue to thoroughly enjoy.

And I thought I held this view consistently.

Until I noticed another pattern.

There do exist celebrities whose words or actions caused me to lose a great deal of respect for them. And even if I might still enjoy their art, I feel I look at the artist differently now.

Cancel Ben Affleck?

For example, Ben Affleck. He’s been in some incredible films, from Good Will Hunting to Dogma. I love these movies and could watch them dozens of times. However, I’ve come to think of one of their main actors as a childish, unintelligent, douchebag, ever since his infamous appearance on Bill Maher. During this appearance, he shouted “racist” at others on the panel, like a 9-year-old, thinking he was making a decent, intellectual point; whereas, all he accomplished was using his celebrity “credentials” to make people look bad, despite being much smarter than he is.

And I’ve never really looked at him the same since.

And I feel it when I see him on the screen. I might not hate the movie (although I might… if it’s Justice League), but I feel a certain displeasure at seeing the success of someone I find so repellant.

Intellectually Void

And then there’s Jim Jefferies, a comedian I’ve enjoyed countless times. He’s not only hysterical, he’s borderline authoritative on some subjects!

But then I watched as he used his platform to humiliate people for whom I have a great deal of respect, like Jordan Peterson. And he did it in the most intellectually void manner possible, through creatively editing videos to produce an effect like the person sitting in front of him is an imbecile. When in truth, Peterson is probably infinitely more intelligent than Jim Jefferies.

And his “technique” and obvious biases were exposed by an Australian YouTuber who was able to definitively prove his pathetic methodology.

What happened? I stopped wanting to listen to his comedy. I didn’t want to be a click on his YouTube videos. I even basically convinced a friend not to go see him live after all of these shenanigans.

Why the discrepancy?

I want to stress that I am not calling for the cancellation or de-platforming of any of these people. I think that’s modern nonsense and a dangerous way to run the world.

Everyone should have the right to freedom of speech and expression… even if they’re an asshole who says terrible things.

But I’m perplexed by my relationship with those who have done inappropriate or disgusting things. It’s not based on levels, since I think I can say that Mel Gibson’s actions were objectively worse than those of Ben Affleck. So what is it? What exactly is the pattern?

My first instinct was that it was connected to time. How strong was my connection to this individual before things went awry? However, that doesn’t seem to be the case at all, since I was enjoying Ben Affleck films long before he decided to shout “racist” like a 19-year-old college kid taking Philosophy 101 at Oberlin.

Is It Personal?

I thought next that maybe it had something to do with whether or not I had a personal connection to the celebrity’s actions. Ben Affleck’s actions were antithetical to a core philosophy of how I think we should relate to one another, and Jim Jeffries deliberately attempted to humiliate someone I greatly admire. But then I realized that made no sense either. Mel Gibson’s comments were directed at my people! He displayed a vile attitude toward the Jewish nation… and yet I would happily sit down and watch Braveheart today if the opportunity arose.

The thought has occurred to me that my reactions are random. We like what we like, hate what we hate, and react the way we react not always based on consistent logical patterns, but based on wherever our heart happens to pull as at any given moment. There’s little control. All the philosophy and contemplation in the world might not make me stop loving Louis CK’s routine on divorce, or make me think Ben Affleck was cast well as Batman. Because how I feel is just how I feel.

We like what we like, hate what we hate, and react the way we react not always based on consistent logical patterns, but based on wherever our heart happens to pull as at any given moment.
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Deep or Just Whimsical?

But I’d still like to think it’s deeper than that, and there’s a pattern I have yet to identify (although I acknowledge that simply might not be the case).

Seen anything here I may have missed? Is there a system to the madness of my mind that I just haven’t uncovered yet? And how do you react when people you once respected start behaving in ways that start deteriorating that respect?

***

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Devorah and I: 2 Down, Forever to Go

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Two years ago my life changed forever. That was the day Devorah and I stood under the chuppah and became one. That was the day everything in my life got a solid and permanent upgrade.

Every day is fun. We’ve done a lot of amazing things together. We’ve seen a guy with a horse mask playing the accordion in Vienna, watched spectators gaze at a statue of a urinating boy in Brussels, shot rifles on my birthday, and continue to survive and thrive as a couple throughout months and months of being trapped at home during a global pandemic.

But sometimes it’s the hidden things, the items you would never know about unless I shouted them from the rooftop. These are the game-changers. These are the stories that would make any observer recognize that I didn’t just get married two years ago. I accidentally stumbled into a pool of diamonds. And here I find myself thanking God every single day for brightening up an otherwise fairly dark decade of my life.

So I wanted to share five stories, stories that continue to amaze me. These are moments of discovery, moments of knowing that my wife isn’t just a nice lady. She’s a piece of pure gold I should cherish and hold onto as tightly as possible!

I accidentally stumbled into a pool of diamonds. And here I find myself thanking God every single day for brightening up an otherwise fairly dark decade of my life.
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1) Devorah and the Piece of Glass

A few months ago, I went to walk my dog in the morning. My footwear wasn’t exactly what one might call impressive. And I ended up with a small shard of glass wedged in my foot.

I hobbled back, trying to get home without making things worse, but to no avail. That sucker just got deeper and deeper.

My son and I tried for a bit to get it out of there, but we failed miserably. And I proceeded to start my workday, unable to let my foot touch the floor.

When Devorah came out of the bedroom, she expressed shock that I had not called upon the skills (and over-the-top patience) of Dr. Devorah to solve the problem.

And she proceeded to go to town!

I worked while lying on my stomach, while she did everything she could think of to try and save the day. Ultimately after one hour of labor, she fished that thing right out of me. With a smile and a strong feeling of satisfaction, she showed me the giant piece of glass that had really made my morning miserable.

Her steady hands, caring nature, and iron patience are unmatched!

2) Devorah and the Broken Phone

One morning, I woke up late for work, in a massive panic. My water bottle leaked, and overnight my phone had been soaking in a puddle of water. It was quite dead and not coming to life anytime soon (hence my alarm not going off).

This was a problem on so many levels, not the least of which was the fact that in minutes I needed to start working, and I needed a security code on my phone to get into my work computer.

So I was freaking out.

My amazing wife got up, didn’t blink, found and charged an old phone, removed the SIM card from my phone, plopped it into the old one, and voila, I was up and running in no time. I was maybe ten minutes late for my shift.

Devorah acted calmly, efficiently, and with zero hesitation. She took me down from off-charts-panic to breathing just slightly heavier in minutes, and I couldn’t even fathom someone who could have handled the moment better.

3) Devorah and the Aching Buttocks

When Devorah and I met, I sat uncomfortably on a chair for several hours. No, not because I wasn’t enjoying the conversation. I absolutely was! But I had crippling sciatica that made any pressure on my behind unbearable. And this ailment had been the bane of my existence for a great deal of the last several years. I couldn’t sit. It made working out more challenging. And it pretty much interfered with every aspect of my life.

Even at my own wedding I had to plow myself with pain killers in order to enjoy the dancing without falling to pieces.

But my suffering is not something Devorah is OK with. She hunted for the right physical therapist and drove me weekly, until one day my pain was just no longer there. I had long given up. My expectation was a life of pain, and never being able to live normally again. Devorah said, “Untrue. And unacceptable.”

And here we are. Life is basically normal again.

My precious wife takes care of me. She takes care of me when I get a cold. And she takes care of me when I’m sad.

And she pushes me and encourages me and constantly reminds me that there’s always a better possibility out there. Giving up is not an option.

4) Devorah and the Gift

Who doesn’t love gifts?

But some people are hard to shop for. You have the type of person who likes nothing. That poses an obvious and very frustrating challenge. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have folk like me. If you ask me to write down ten thingsI want, after two hours I might come up with one or two things. And even those I can live without… and they might be entirely unavailable, hence my not already owning them.

But then you have a Devorah, who can somehow find the perfect gift without any feedback from me. She knows what I want way before I do. She never disappoints, and she always manages to impress and surprise me, not easy feats!

See the pictures here of my gorgeous children:

They were a gift for my last birthday.

And these pictures on our wall:

I drew them when I was a child (before I became really jaded about being an artist). But Devorah wanted to remind me that I’ll always be an artist. She went ahead and had these bad boys framed, and I had no clue it was even happening.

I was legitimately surprised. And I was sincerely inspired.

Who knows? Maybe one day I really will be an artist again.

5) Devorah and the Changed Identity

It took me a while until I got into the idea of costumes. For whatever reason, I was a bit embarrassed. And even when I did it well, I was often a minimalist about it. I mean, I’m not saying I didn’t nail Waldo… I’m just saying, I needed to buy a few items and I was good to go. Plus, I used the same costume three different times, knowing full well there would be no crossovers in who I would bump into.

But that was then.

The costume upgrade has been next level and my holidays will never be the same.

Here you can see us as Wesley and Buttercup:

And here we are as John Lennon and Yoko Ono:

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Yeah, no more of that toss on a mask and call it a day garbage. The Jaffes take this stuff seriously! Devorah will always make sure to break out the sewing machine and turn the world upside down looking for the right items until we nail the costume. No exceptions!

I can’t wait to see what’s next!

***

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2021: Embracing the Chaos of History

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Call me twisted. Or insensitive. Whatever you’d like, I’d like to talk about some of the benefits of the craziness and chaos America has been experiencing in the past few years, and especially lately with the recent attack on the Capitol Building.

Watching My Homeland from Afar

I grew up in the States. I moved to Israel in 1997 and watched America develop as a nation from afar. Which, in a sense, gives a unique and much more complex view of my home country. To make my thoughts even more nuanced, I’ve lived in both countries twice. And I’ve both loved and hated living in both places. Their positive qualities and faults are so very evident to me.

One of Americans’ quirks, one that shocks me every time I feel it, is how arrogant of a nation we are. Growing up in America, you have a powerful feeling of invincibility. And that’s combined with a worldview that America is this flawless structure that can never disappear. It will be 50 states forever. It will look the way it looks and function the way it functions, and that cannot and will never change.

But it’s a pretty naive view considering the relative youth of the country. Empires have existed in history for far longer than the United States, but eventually came crumbling down. Some of them retain not a drop of the original essence. Those empires are gone in every way imaginable. Forgotten relics of the past, meant to be studied in history books and not actually experienced.

Outside the Bubble of History

We all have a short attention span. And it would appear the majority of folk out there are not exactly historically savvy. They are either unfamiliar with the history of the world or they just don’t care. Or they somehow think the patterns of history, the wild ebbs and flows of the past, the mass chaos, are not applicable to the modern world. Somehow America is outside the bubble of history. It can survive anything and will always remain intact.

And they think this despite the very jarring nature of 9/11. This was the day my homeland discovered it could be attacked on home turf. We had lost battles and wars in the past. Our forces have suffered tremendously overseas, time and again. But that was always far away, across an ocean. Someone else’s brothers and sisters were impacted, but I’m OK. Everything will be alright so long as I remain within my domain.

Even the knowledge of Pearl Harbor, a direct attack on American soil, could be argued away. I mean, after all, it was a long time ago. And Hawaii is so far away, it might as well be a foreign nation.

But then we were hit in a way few Americans imagined possible. And even though two decades have passed, the United States has not been the same since. The world of American security has been forever altered. We all understand that with the right planning and motivation, we are vulnerable. We can be hurt really, really bad.

The Hard Questions?

But can we be overthrown? Can our Constitution be abolished? Can chaos take over as the norm? Can the very fabric of the nation, everything we know and love about being American, can it be demolished and lost forever? Can our nation find itself in a situation in which it looks back and the country is no longer recognizable?

These are all painfully challenging questions. However, I don’t think any of them are hard to answer. The answer is a resounding yes. Whether or not people like the idea, the United States can be overthrown by a force that is either more powerful or one that simply overwhelms the current structure. It’s a painful truth. But the mighty US is not invincible.

History says that everything we’ve come to know and love can disappear in a heartbeat. The Constitution can become a relic for museums and fodder for history textbooks. And the very essence of the country could be forgotten.

And there’s something truly desirable about having this knowledge. People need to know history and appreciate the relative fragility of empires. There’s no such thing as a permanent dynasty, there’s no such thing as invincibility, and everything you know and love can be gone tomorrow, if the perfect storm of circumstances comes together.

Whether or not people like the idea, the United States can be overthrown by a force that is either more powerful or one that simply overwhelms the current structure. It's a painful truth. But the mighty US is not invincible.
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The Perfect Chaos Storm is Already Here

And it feels like that perfect storm is something we can all understand just a little better now than we might have a year ago. New and different leadership, yearned for by a sizeable portion of the country. A political system found unsatisfying and distasteful to millions of Americans, not to mentions who knows how many non-Americans. A divide in the country the likes of which hasn’t been experienced since the Civil War.

And then the attack on the Capitol Building.

It was grotesque, don’t get me wrong. It was liking a Viking invasion from days of yore. But it was eye-opening nonetheless. That assault was relatively small, if you consider the matter. But what if the numbers of invaders were doubled or tripled? What if everyone were armed to the teeth? What would we be talking about right now? How would America look after that event? Would we be a different country the next day or would we just go back to eating our Cap’N Crunch and watching Stranger Things like nothing happened?

Embracing the Chaos

So call me crazy, but something about all the chaos appeals to me. Of course I don’t want anyone hurt or worse, but I do think it’s important to be reminded of the fragility of what we’re used to. I think there is something healthy about understanding that the world isn’t always as it appears to be.

We need to know history. We need to see patterns. We need to be able to look at what’s going on around us and intelligently evaluate what we’re witnessing. If we can’t do that, we gain nothing from the pain and suffering we’re enduring. And we will look back with shock when we see the world we once knew and loved looks nothing like we rememeber.

The United States has gathered a few additional blemishes these past few years. Let’s hope they help its lovely people learn how to not get too many more.

***

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Eating Slowly… the Hardest Test Yet

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I’m not fat. I get that. I didn’t always, but I’ve come to accept that I’m above average when it comes to these sort of things. But like so many, I’m not satisfied with where I am now.

No, I am certainly not obese by any standards. Some might say I’m overweight, like moronic metrics such as the BMI (Body Mass Index). But even that is very questionable.

That all being said, I’m not at all satisfied with where I am.

More than a Little Frustrated

And why should I be?

I’m no couch potato, sitting around all day wondering why I don’t look like all those people on the TV screen I can’t stop staring at. Sure, I can eat better. And I can exercise more and harder. But I am certainly doing my part.

For most of my adult life I have consistently exercised. I have tried to keep my fitness intense and full of variety. And most of the food I eat is real, unprocessed, whole food, loaded with nutritional value.

I know I can be doing better, but that doesn’t change how bothersome it’s felt week after week, looking at the scale and seeing it hasn’t budged in the slightest. I keep trying new things. I keep crossing my fingers. And every Friday when I “check-in”, I see that nothing’s changed at all.

And I can’t help but feeling exacerbated and more than a little frustrated.

The Elimination Diet

I keep trying new things. I tried an elimination diet. In fact, the only blog post I ever started writing and then scrapped was supposed to be a review of my experience on the elimination diet. I expected fireworks. Some giant revelation of what was upsetting my system and causing me suffering. But what did I find? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Or at least not much at all.

Certainly not enough to write a post about. Picture it now: The world’s most uninformative guide to elimination dieting.

Intermittent Fasting

I moved on to other attempts at altering my lifestyle. In comes the infamous intermittent fasting.

I led this type of lifestyle for many, many months. It had its perks. It gave a certain level of structure to my life, which is no small thing when it comes to eating. For me, without some type of artificially imposed structure, eating is a free for all. I eat as much as I want, from the moment I wake up until I rest my head on my pillow.

So at least I knew that my eating world wasn’t going to be all over the place. And most importantly, there was a point when I would stop. I knew after a certain time that my eating window was closed and I was done for the day.

But, sadly, that’s where the obvious benefits trailed off. If you read articles about intermittent fasting, it is touted as this super system with miraculous results. Shove your eating into eight hours of your day and you’ll conquer the world. You’ll have more energy, your muscles will grow to insane proportions, and fat will melt off your belly.

But no. I had nothing to report at all, except for annoying and inconveniencing my family by always forcing a dinner cutoff time. My energy was still low. My health issues went nowhere. And the scale did not budge.

Again, I hoped to write a really fun post about my experience with intermittent fasting. I hoped to speak of the miracles, as I watched everything that had been ailing me for years just piece by piece go away.

And after I was fully convinced this was doing virtually nothing for me, I put it to the side.

Where Do I Go From Here?

And I was left without a new avenue to pursue. I was left with no panacea to all my woes.

Well… I still had one to pursue. But it was the hardest and, to be honest, I’m not sure if I’m ready for it. It involves uprooting a lifetime of bad habits. I’ve conquered awful habits before. I was a massive nail-biter and through intelligent, concerted effort I was able to put that nasty habit behind me forever.

But this was a whole different beast.

Eating Quickly

I eat quickly. I attack the food on my plate, barely chewing each bite, and while I’m chewing I’m just readying myself for the next oversized morsel of food. And when it’s all gone I’m already loading up my plate with more.

I’ve known this to be a problem for a while, but I’ve felt powerless to do anything different. I’d tell myself it’s just who I am. Some people eat fast, some people eat slowly. And who in the world can crush decades of horrendous habit forming?

But it feels like I’ve tried everything else, and the science is certainly behind trying to slow down and treat food like something you want to savor rather than something you want to demolish.

And here I am, just a few days in. I’m chewing the hell out of every bite, putting down my utensils in between bites as well. I’m plating my food instead of eating out of pots and containers, and trying to load up on the produce. And I’m trying to seriously consider every single piece of food I put in my mouth.

Eating Slowly: First Impressions

First reports: On the plus side, I’m really discovering more about food texture than I ever expected to. And there were a few days in which I experienced a serious afternoon burst of energy, which is quite rare. It makes sense, since my digestive system is getting a well-deserved huge break. And despite the challenge, I feel really accomplished when I break through old and damaging habits.

However, I can’t lie. It’s boring. Really, really boring. And I’m not certain how long I can keep it up, even if the results are phenomenal.

One thing is for sure: The science is with me. Everything in health is a debate… but no one says it’s better to eat faster and chew less. So I have to believe this is all worth trying, no matter what.

Everything in health is a debate... but no one says it's better to eat faster and chew less.
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And I look forward to a follow-up post telling you what’s going on with me after trying this for a month or two.

Happy eating.

Or should I say… h… a… p… p… y… e… a… t… i… n… g.

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5 New Websites I Tried in 2020

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2020 was absolute crap… but as I’ve written before, it wasn’t all bad. No major crisis ever is, really. I listened to a Podcast recently that explained how the Spanish Flu pandemic was essential in eventually getting women the right to vote.

So somehow or other, in every crap situation a bit of positive leaps up from the pile of garbage before us. Extra time at home in this generation means more time in front of the computer and on the phone. Which, of course, means discovering more of the treasures out there in the world.

Here are five websites or apps I started using in 2020, in no particular order, and a little bit about my experience with each one:

Over: The App that Changed the Game

Alright, full disclosure here: I didn’t just start using this app out of nowhere. My company (GoDaddy) purchased the app, and now I do support for them alongside my primary job.

So… I love the app… but it’s also paying my bills. That’s not to say I get any bonus points for writing this blog post. I don’t. Wouldn’t that be nice!

Anyhow, I love this product and I am happy and proud to be a part of what they’re creating. You may have noticed that the main images on this site have gotten a bit of an upgrade. All created with Over. And quickly! I also use it for posts on Instagram and my Facebook page. It’s super easy, and you can create gorgeous products in minutes.

I’d say the app was almost perfect. It just needed the upgrade of some world-class support staff. Bam! Check! Now it can do anything. Seriously, it’s a lot of fun, there’s a free plan, and if you get stuck on anything, you know who to call.

Quora: The Answer I’m Looking For

This app and website have become a big part of my life, and quickly. Most people have probably noticed Quora while doing Google searches, even if they’ve never bothered doing much with the website at all. I am definitely one of those people. I saw it and just completely ignored this treasure standing right there in front of me.

I originally started using Quora because a friend is mentoring me toward (hopefully) selling more of the books I’ve written, and toward building a foundation that will help me sell my future books.

But I caught the bug fairly quickly, and now I’m practically addicted to putting new content on the site every single day.

What is Quora? It’s basically what would happen if a social media website and a question and answer website came together and had an illegitimate child. Boom! That’s Quora. And I love answering questions every single day, getting massive attention to my brilliant words of wisdom… and having crazy people argue with me. It’s like everything we love and hate about the internet… only more so.

Goals for 2021:

Ten million content views, 2000 followers. Let’s do this!

What is Quora? It's basically what would happen if a social media website and a question and answer website came together and had an illegitimate child.
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Instagram: Better Late than Never

Yeah, I know. I’m late for the game. Everybody and their grandmother knows about and uses Instagram. Fine, I humbly accept that… but nonetheless, 2020 is the year I signed up for and started using Instagram.

In a world in which I’m active on Facebook, I didn’t understand why I or anyone would need an Instagram… but piece by piece I’m starting to get it.

I initially started the account to try and advertise my books, and that’s still my primary purpose. But I must say, quickly scrolling through scores of pictures of old friends and students is a whole lot of fun.

And when it recommends posts and videos for me to look at, the algorithm seems to be spot on. It’s basically a massive gathering of mixed martial arts news, and it’s mildly addicting for me to scroll through everything.

Worldometers: A Website to Feed Your Up-to-the-Minute Corona Addiction

Like so many others, I have been hyper-focused on the numbers all year long. It is fairly likely that by the time today is over, I’ll have checked this website dozens of times. It is the perfect way to really understand what’s going on in the world in the times of this nasty virus.

The site is professional, easy to use, and constantly updating. During a very dark time in history, it has been ultra-helpful in at least making me feel like I’m informed.

I only have one gripe and one suggestion. The gripe: I think the site should offer charts showing progressions or comparisons between different days. Right now you can only seem to know what’s happened today, and what’s happened overall since the beginning of the pandemic.

My suggestion: A new column for vaccination tallies. I think it would be an incredible addition to an already extremely informative and helpful site.

Anabolic Aliens: Saving Me During Hard Times

I am a gym rat. It’s my second home. And my second home has been robbed from me for huge chunks of the past year. The situation has forced me to find a new home, and I found it in Anabolic Aliens.

I mainly use their YouTube channel, which is some dude with a thick Boston accent leading you through rigorous exercise routines. But they also have a website and a really amazing app (Exerprise). There’s a paid version with all sorts of neat features I’d love to try out one day, but there’s so much available for free.

The app is essentially a random exercise workout generator. You put into the app a bunch of information, like what body parts you want to work out, how long, and what equipment you have available. And poof, it spits out a routine for you.

If you’re like me and you’re ready to rip down the world to get back to your gym, this is a solid way to make your workouts not suck.

I still miss the gym. A whole lot! But I’m so happy I found a way to cope through all this insanity.

What have you found out there since getting trapped in your home in 2020?

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Score Another Point for the Google Doctor Warrior

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Score another point for a Google warrior who will do anything to avoid a doctor’s office.

It is well documented how much I hate going to the doctor. No, I’m not afraid of shots. I don’t love them. I’m not a psychopath. My aversion to the medical world has nothing to do with fears of the poking and prodding that might ensue.

No, my dislike of the doctor experience comes from years of awful or disappointing visits. And a severe amount of wasted time. And as much as what I do can, at times, be on the dangerous side, I’m still going to do it my way, probably until the day I die (and hopefully those two things won’t be connected).

Doctors, the Early Years

My earliest memories of why I dislike doctors comes from severe chest pains I experienced as a child. Year after year I would hold my chest in violent pain, clueless as to why I was suffering like this. Doctors tossed out all sorts of ideas, haphazardly trying to diagnose me, yet barely even trying to really evaluate the situation.

The most memorable diagnosis: Growing pains. Yes, that horse vomit of a diagnosis followed me into my late 20s, with me obviously still growing all the time.

Ultimately, yes, it was doctors who figured out the problem and, to some degree, the solution. Only a couple of issues here. First, it took them over twenty years to get there. And second: My issue was, essentially, heartburn. Medical professionals in two countries couldn’t figure out that my issue was something an 8-year-old should be able to figure out, and something that could be solved, for the most part, by losing weight. Or a Tums!

Stories like these piled on over the years. Some so depressing, they could make you cry. And now that Google is ever present, and Apple Cider Vinegar is available everywhere, I’d literally try just about everything possible to avoid the frustration of another doctor visit.

Doctor vs. Apple Cider Vinegar

Speaking of Apple Cider Vinegar, my journey into the world of being a Google Doctor all started with some mysterious gross and ugly thing growing behind my ear. It was embarrassing and I wanted it gone. Some folk recommended I go to a doctor and have them freeze it and snip that sucker off.

A mighty fine suggestion… except I was broke, had no insurance, distrusted doctors, and didn’t love the idea of anyone cutting pretty much anything off of me.

So I attacked my computer with a vengeance. After extensive Google research I was relatively positive that what I had was a skin tag. I then researched natural ways to get rid of one. Next thing I know, I’m buying and applying Apple Cider Vinegar to this nasty annoyance… and a month later it’s gone forever.

The whole process cost me $1.50. I didn’t have to deal with obnoxious or uninformed doctors. No sitting around in a waiting room for two hours. And nobody poking a knife around behind my ear.

I’d say I discovered a reason to try and take care of things myself.

The Google Warrior

No, I’m not saying that if you’re immobile in violent pain with blood dribbling from your mouth you should start Googling away. Or that if you slice off a finger in the kitchen you should try and heal yourself with vinegar and duct tape. But what I am saying is I personally have more than enough reason to at least give a valiant effort to deal with things on my own before I start messing with doctors.

And this week I scored yet another victory worth celebrating. Problem solved. No doctors, no knives, no drugs. Just effort, an inquisitive mind, a pervasive dislike of doctors’ offices, and a relatively unmatched stubbornness.

Mysterious Chest Pains

What do you do when you get mysterious violent stomach pains that morph into unbearable rib pains?

Well, if you’re a normal person, you run to the ER. You freak out that an organ exploded or you’re having a heart attack.

But, my friends, I am no ordinary person. I push my shoulders back, lift my head up high, and grab my computer.

I started Google researching furiously. What organs are in that location? What kind of pains am I feeling, and are they accompanied by any other symptoms?

And by the time all the smoke cleared, I was all but thoroughly convinced that my issue was painful and debilitating, but by no means life-threatening. It sounded exactly like something called costochondritis, a condition where the areas between some ribs are inflamed, causing a massive amount of discomfort.

What the Hell is Costochondritis?

Problem found. Now what? It’s not so simple, since there were not a lot of definitive recommendations out there. The condition was presented as mysterious by many, with unclear ways to solve everything. You might be able to relieve discomfort with a heating pad or Tylenol, but you should get used to lots of pain for an indefinite period to come.

But I wasn’t about to give up, and I started plowing my way through YouTube. Ultimately I found a couple of physical therapists who had really interesting insights, and told about the guy they learned everything from. Long story short, tight ribs in the back manifest in the front with extreme pain. The guy in the video had this problem for seven years!

I started doing a few stretches and self-massage with a baseball, maybe ten minutes of work a day. Within three days I was about 98% pain-free! And so happy I was once able to conquer the keyboard and put my health back on track!

Score Another Point for the Google Doctor Warrior

Like the people in the video, I’ll say this: If you’ve got a violent pain in your chest, going to the Emergency Room might be the best move. But just remember that the experience has the potential of destroying your day with no benefit whatsoever. And a bit of intelligent clickity clack on the keyboard could save you time, money, and a whole crapload of pain and suffering. At least if you’re good at it.

I’m past 40. The pains will pop up from time to time. Life inevitably catches up with everyone. But being passive is not an option. And sometimes I get the pleasure of showing pain who’s really in charge. So score another point for the Google Doctor Warrior!

A bit of intelligent clickity clack on the keyboard could save you time, money, and a whole crapload of pain and suffering.
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2020: A Year in Review, Part 2

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Last week I posted my first half of my 2020 Year in Review. Here are five more ways this crazy year has affected my life.

6) Everything is a Little Worse in 2020

Life can be quite challenging and stressful. But everything’s just a little worse with Covid. Whether it be sickness, quarantines, lockdowns, financial concerns, or boredom added to your life, whatever was there beforehand is still right there.

So basically, if it were easy before Covid, it’s probably not so easy now. If it were hard before Covid, it’s even harder now. And if it were very hard before Covid, it can be downright unbearable in 2020.

If it were easy before Covid, it's probably not so easy now. If it were hard before Covid, it's even harder now. And if it were very hard before Covid, it can be downright unbearable in 2020.
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And despite the ever-present threat of a global pandemic, 2020 did not take a break for even a minute. Whether it be political unrest, race riots, deadly fires, or the countless amount of personal complications that happened this year, it has been one non-stop wild ride.

It’s been a tough year. And the issues that made it challenging are hardly over yet. Here’s to great times to come!

7) I Became the Father of a Teenage Girl in 2020

This year was daunting. It was a challenge on so many levels and triggered fears and emotions I didn’t even know I had.

Yet nothing strikes fear into the hearts of mortal man more than having a teenage female in your life.

And to make matters more terrifying, I was a teacher for a decade. I interacted with this type of life form for years, so I knew exactly what was coming when my little princess hit the big one-three.

They are a unique breed, a complex breed. One that no one will ever truly comprehend. One that can bring a person to tears with a simple facial expression, perfectly placed sentence, or the subtlest of body movement.

If they were in the jungle, the other animals would cautiously keep their distance. But the mighty parent must face his fears daily!

I now have a teenage daughter in my life. The adventure is just beginning.

Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of mortal man more than having a teenage female in your life.
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8) My Son Achieved Official Badass Status in 2020

This year my son leveled up for his first time since beginning his Brazilian Jiu Jitsu journey.

For probably about a year I pushed him to join a BJJ gym. I had researched and found the perfect place before I even moved back to Israel. There was more than a little attempt at living vicariously through my son here. The sport of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is so ridiculously technical that it can take decades to master. It feels like I might be starting just a tad late. But he’s getting there just in time.

And two years into his BJJ journey, he earned his glorious blue belt, an emphatic sign that all of his grit and sweat has absolutely paid off.

It’s an odd feeling, watching your son accomplish things you might never be able to do yourself. It’s so easy to become focused on goals, and bucket lists, and making a difference in the world, you can forget that there’s someone else right there whose accomplishments are just as important. If not more!

Every parent has more than a few reasons to pat themselves on the back for anything their kids do. It takes a village. The glory is shared. And feels amazing!

9) My Aunt was Taken from me in 2020

At the beginning of the Corona onslaught, I was reading horror stories on Facebook of people who weren’t able to be there when family members were dying. Some people couldn’t attend the funeral of their own parents!

I was horrified. And as insensitive as it might sound, I was grateful that this was terribly unlikely to happen to me. My grandparents have long left this world, and my parents, well, they’re going to be around for a long time to come. (They have to. I need them!)

And then the unthinkable happened, and my Aunt Lynn was forever taken from this world, leaving a giant void. The pain was acute and the sadness keeps hitting me in waves; however, nothing is as complex in my mind as the fact that we weren’t able to give her a proper sendoff, the farewell she deserved.

No one will ever forget 2020. And some of the things we were robbed of, we will never properly be able to recover from. And there’s nowhere to point a finger. This is no one’s fault. Just an ill-fated year whose suffering never seems to wane.

10) My Conspiracy Theories Awoke in 2020

Finally, objective fact: I’ve watched too much TV and too many movies in my life.

So when a global pandemic started racing across the globe, a force in me awakened.

Trust me, I am not a conspiracy theorist. I laugh at folk like Alex Jones. Flat Earthers are just a bunch of dopey wackjobs.

Yet, where did my brain go the moment this virus started spreading like wildfire? Conspiracy Mania!

I considered the fact that we were a year away from an election involving quite possibly the most contentious president in American history. One side of my brain said this thing was designed to make Trump look bad (it did), or expose his inability to handle complex situations (it did), thus ensuring he would not get reelected.

Alternatively, he was looking so bad in the public’s eyes that perhaps it was engineered so that right before the election he could swoop in and save the day, just in time to ensure reelection.

I put those nutty ideas to the back of my mind, especially with constant reports about a vaccine unlikely to be available for many years to come.

And then poof, the election is all but over and not one but several vaccines all of a sudden appear on the horizon, miraculously, with a timeline unheard of before in world history.

Sorry my friends, I’m a believer in science, and I am by no means a tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy loon. But if this whole scenario doesn’t at least trigger the slightest amount of disbelief, then maybe you’ve been getting even less sun than I have these days.

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2020: A Year in Review, Part 1

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2020 was not a great year. In fact, arguably it has been the worst year any of us have experienced in our lifetimes. When my kids grow up, they’ll tell the story about how they didn’t leave their house for a year because someone in China ate an undercooked bat.

The year was filled with bad…

And a whole lot of unexpected good. And one thing it did not lack was a whole lot of learning and adapting.

This and my next post are my 2020 year in review. Here are the first five of ten things, in basically no particular order, that have changed me or changed for me in 2020:

1) I Was Forced to Adapt to Exercise in 2020

I already worked from home before the pandemic, so the biggest change to my routine was when they closed my gym. And then they did it again. And yet again.

I used to love working out from home. I enjoyed the privacy, no competition for equipment.

But ultimately, I learned to truly love the gym. With all of my heart. It became my second home, and it’s still a major part of what keeps me going.

So what did I do when the chains fell across the gym doors? I sulked… and then I adapted. I tried bodyweight training and using the scant equipment I had. I got bored quickly. Searched YouTube looking for new inspiration. And I eventually settled on these guys, who have pretty much saved my at-home experience. Thank you Anabolic Aliens!

Trust me when I say that when the gym opens again, I am going to run over there like there’s no tomorrow. Nevertheless, I’m glad I found some type of outlet to push me through the darkness.

2) I Learned to Miss Travel in 2020

Thank goodness, my wife and I got back from a phenomenal trip to the States and Vienna in February, right before all the lockdowns and quarantines started to crash down upon us all.

First of all, I’m not a good traveler. And since I’m so bad at it, I used to try to avoid it as much as possible. And then I went ahead and married someone who loves to travel… and before you know it, I started catching the bug. Not to the full extent. I’m still a subpar traveler, and everything that frustrated me before still frustrates me now. But when we’ve traveled, it’s been quite positive and pleasant.

But after the smoke cleared, I could still live without the traveling.

And like so much in life, I didn’t miss it until it was taken away from me. And now I would absolutely love to hop on a plane with my beloved wife and see what’s out there in the world!

3) I Learned to Miss People in 2020

Like travel, I don’t really love people. They annoy me. A whole lot. I love my alone time and I always will.

And I wondered how much I really need social interaction. I’ve got my family. I’ve got a cute dog. I already work from home. Surviving 2020 should be a piece of cake.

And it was. Until it wasn’t.

I quickly discovered that as much as people are the worst (the worst!), I have a bare minimum amount of social interaction I absolutely need to survive from day to day. And Corona made me sink way beneath that amount. And I here I am, begging for social experiences. I miss hosting. I miss being hosted. And more than anything, I miss meeting brand new people.

So Corona and 2020 has helped me find that place within me that actual loves humanity.

Even though it sucks!

4) I Survived Marriage in 2020

At the beginning of the pandemic, everyone started speculating what would be when the world opens up again. You have countless couples that spend so much of their weeks apart from one another, they’ve either forgotten what it means to be together all day long, or they never wanted it in the first place.

Even good couples can get sick of each other after interacting too much for too long.

So, of course, we’re all expecting the many divorce lawyers out there to have more business than they know what to do with when the world opens up again.

But what about us? What about them Jaffes?

Turns out… We’re killing it!

Basically a year straight of being trapped in a house together, and we still love the hell out of each other. We’re still enjoying our conversations and having fun together. And neither of us has tried to smother the other one in their sleep.

Yup, 2020 hasn’t destroyed our marriage. If anything, it’s shown that we’re still meant to be together.

5) I Learned to Appreciate Planning Ahead in 2020

No one could have prepared me mentally for what kind of a year 2020 would be. I wouldn’t have believed them anyway. But it certainly sent a message that I’m reading loud and clear: Sometimes you’re trapped at home. Do whatever you can to make your domain the kind of place you’d want to be for 24 hours a day, for prolonged periods.

Yes, it could be time consuming and expensive. And you might never need to benefit from having a home like that. But if, for whatever reason, this is a reality in our lives again, I think (I hope) so many of us will be better prepared for the experience.

So get the books and the video games and the exercise equipment and the art supplies. Who knows what kind of future is lurking out there?

Worst case scenario, your home is homier. It’s more fun to spend time there. And since we’ve all once again learned what’s truly important, since we’ve all now been in our homes for prolonged periods with our families, we can also better appreciate the value of time spent there.

Why not make the place of the people most important to us also the place we would all most want to be?

We should never need this… but it certainly can’t hurt!

See you in Part 2.

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