Roger K. Allen's Blog, page 16

Son Who is Acting Out

Hi my friend,

A mother came to me a few weeks back about her rebellious son who is lying, refusing to spend time with the family, and retreating to his bedroom. She wanted to know what she and her husband should do. Of course, I started by listening. I wanted to show empathy and respect as well as deepen my understanding of what was going on.

After talking for several minutes, she asked for my counsel. I need to say that a relationship challenge like this is not a quick fix.  Its a process...

An Example of Deep Listening

I introduced the topic of deep listening in my last blog post. I think of listening as suspending judgment and being fully present with another person to understand his or her experience or point of view.

Listening well is one of the best gifts we can give another person. Not only does deep listening strengthen our relationships but helps motivate and empower others to deal with and overcome the challenges they face. I want to illustrate this point by sharing an example of a conversation...

The Art of Deep Listening

Listening is thought of as a soft skill. Perhaps the softest of the soft skills. What’s the big deal, we might ask? We listen every day. It’s something we learned to do as children and it comes naturally. And yet, I’m going to suggest that it is not that easy.

It reminds me of the story of an older couple who were sitting around watching television. The husband decided to go out for a drive. “Do you want me to get anything while I’m out?” he asked.

“Yes. Get some ice cream. And while you are...

Creating a Safe and Nurturing Home

I had the pleasure of meeting two delightful and inspiring women back in August as I was speaking on the topic of parenting to an audience of 300-400 people. The two of them, Becky Higgins and Becky Proudfit, started a weekly podcast in October 2018 entitled “Cultivate a Good Life.” I was impressed to learn that the podcast had more than 600,000 listeners in just nine months, and that was five months ago.

They invited me as a guest on their podcast and I gladly said yes. It was fun to be...

Will You Live Intentionally in the New Year?

It’s so hard for me to believe that we’re beginning a new year. It seems like such a short time ago that we were transitioning into 2019 and yet here we are. What is even more incredible to me is that it’s not just a new year, we’re entering the 20th year of what still seems, in my mind, a new century.

Yet that is reality. So, a question that comes up for me is how I’m living these years as they fly by so quickly. Am I living intentionally or am I simply letting time pass? Am I living from...

More Polarized than Ever

If I’m really honest with myself I feel pretty dismayed by the political debate in the country (USA) today. We have become so polarized and tribal, even in our local communities, that we can’t carry on a sincere conversation without people being offended and either shutting down or attacking those with differing opinions.

How unfortunate since I believe, and the research shows, that a diversity of opinions and even disagreement is not only healthy but essential to the vitality and success of...

Let’s Give Thanks

As I’ve shared before, being grateful is more highly linked to mental health, happiness, and well-being than any other character trait. And the good news is that we can cultivate gratitude through deliberate practice.

So, here are a few of my favorite quotes on gratitude:

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” Anonymous

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you’ll never, ever have enough.” Oprah Winfrey

“I cannot tell you...

Launch of New Video Course Discount! Become a Master at Resolving Conflict at Home or Work

As you’re aware, I’ve been writing about resolving conflict for the last few weeks. My focus on the topic began during two phone calls with the staff of Udemy, the learning platform on which I have published my courses. They said, during one of these calls, that the biggest need in soft-skills training was for conflict management and, in a follow up phone call, encouraged me to create a course on this topic.

That was back in late June, as I was finishing my course on happiness. So, I...

New Video Course-Become a Master at Resolving Conflict at Home or Work

As you’re aware, I’ve been writing about resolving conflict for the last few weeks. My focus on the topic began during two phone calls with the staff of Udemy, the learning platform on which I have published my courses. They said, during one of these calls, that the biggest need in soft-skills training was for conflict management and, in a follow up phone call, encouraged me to create a course on this topic.

That was back in late June, as I was finishing my course on happiness. So, I immediately j...

If You Want to Resolve Conflict Then You Have to Make it Safe

We don’t like conflict and we’re often not good at handling it. As I’ve shared in recent blog posts, some people impose their will on others. Some withdraw and give in. And others avoid it altogether. The consequence is that sensitive issues go unresolved and our relationships suffer.

In my last article, I talked about the importance of preparing ourselves mentally and emotionally before entering into high stakes or sensitive conversations. Successfully resolving conflict begins with managing ourselves, ou...