Roger K. Allen's Blog, page 2

Do Your Loved Ones Feel Your Respect?

The dictionary defines respect as “to hold in high regard; to feel or show honor or esteem towards something or someone.” When we respect someone, we make positive assumptions about their worth, capability, or potential. These assumptions guide how we act towards them.

So often we think of respect as something someone must earn. In other words, some people deserve our respect and other people do not, as a consequence of their character or actions (at least our interpretation of their character ...

Overcoming Resentment

In my last post, I talked about building goodwill by radiating a friendly, kind, benevolent, or cooperative attitude towards others. These are traits that most of us consider desirable. If given a conscious choice, most of us would choose to live from the affable emotional state of goodwill.

And yet how often is our goodwill veiled by malice and resentment, which occurs as we hold onto baggage from the past that interferes with our positive feelings today. The baggage may be from the recent or ...

Building Goodwill: A Crucial Relationship Skill

I think of goodwill as an attitude which is friendly, kind, benevolent, helpful, or cooperative. Someone expressing goodwill radiates not only friendliness but openness and trust towards others as opposed to hostility and annoyance.

Take just a moment to consider someone you know who comes from goodwill. Those in their presence feel seen and valued, something we all desire. So building goodwill is a critical skill not only for connecting but maintaining positive relationships.

A Warm Greeting

L...

Building Goodwill: A Crucial Skill

I think of goodwill as an attitude which is friendly, kind, benevolent, helpful, or cooperative. Someone expressing goodwill radiates not only friendliness but openness and trust towards others as opposed to hostility and annoyance.

Take just a moment to consider someone you know who comes from goodwill? Those in their presence feel seen and valued, something we all desire. So building goodwill is a critical skill not only for connecting but maintaining positive relationships.

A Warm Greeting

L...

Take Control of Your Life Situation

I’ve talked before about the distinction between your life and life situation.

To give you a quick metaphor, your life situation is the pond you swim in – your relationships, your environment, your job, your health, etc.  But your life is how you choose to swim through it.  Even if there are storms or predators or irritating water bugs, you still have the power to decide in which direction you swim, how fast, and with how much style, grace and positive thoughts.

Tips

Let me now offer you some p...

Emotionally Intelligent Communication

Imagine that Trish, an 8th grader, comes home from school and throws her books on the floor.

Mom responds, “Hey, you don’t throw books. You come and pick these up, right now, young lady.”

Trish turns and runs up to her room in tears, ignoring her mom’s “Get back here.”

An Anxious Mom

Fuming and a little worried, Mom picks up her books and goes up to Trisha’s room. “Hey, what’s going on? Why are you so upset?”

Trish: “I hate Elizabeth and Maria. I’m never going to talk to them again.”

Mom: “Oh, ...

Desired Outcomes from Your Communication

In my last blog posts, I’ve made a distinction between communication that is harmful and weakening vs. helpful and strengthening. It is powerful to be aware of this distinction. As you recognize your tendencies that are weakening and purposefully choose to communicate in ways that are strengthening you will not only improve the quality of your relationships but help people around you grow and thrive.

So let me suggest that a starting point for communicating in more empowering ways is to be clea...

What Not to Say to Someone in Distress

Photo by engina k yurt on unsplash

What do you do or say when someone around you is hurting or in distress? How are you likely to respond? Do you say and do something that will be helpful and even strengthening to this individual or might you, inadvertently, say or do something that is harmful and even weakening?

I want to suggest that out of good intent we often respond in ways that are that are weakening rather than strengthening to others in distress.

Joni, the Frustrated Employee

Let me offe...

Is Your Communication Weakening or Strengthening?

Hi my friend,

In truth, we are always communicating, verbally and nonverbally, when in the presence of others. Our words, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice all matter and affect those around us. So a question I want to pose to you today is, what is the impact of your communication? Is your communication helpful or harmful? Does it strengthen or weaken yourself and others? Do you communicate in a way that unites rather than divides, garners trust rather than suspicion, elicits positive...

What’s Your Relationship Dance?

In my last post, I talked about four styles of communication. Would you call yourself a dominator, accommodator, avoider, or collaborator in your communication?

A Relationship Dance

Of course, communication is two-way, meaning there are patterns that depend not only on your tendencies but that of others with whom you’re communicating. A dance is a good metaphor to describe these patterns because each pattern has a predictable tempo and series of steps. Some dances are loud and animated. Others ...