Roger K. Allen's Blog, page 5

Managing Anger: A Misunderstood Emotion

I’ve written quite a bit, recently and in the past, about managing our negative emotions. Learning to do so is a big part of finding peace, growing in emotional intelligence and creating more enriching relationships. Today, I want to help you understand anger, particularly the positive aspects of anger and why it’s an essential emotion for personal growth, self-expression, and societal change.

A Natural Human Emotion

Although a misunderstood and troublesome emotion for lots of people, I want to...

Managing Anger: The Purpose of a Misunderstood Emotion

I’ve written quite a bit, recently and in the past, about managing our negative emotions. Learning to do so is a big part of finding peace, growing in emotional intelligence and creating more enriching relationships. Today, I want to help you understand anger, particularly the positive aspects of anger and why it’s an essential emotion for personal growth, self-expression, and societal change.

A Natural Human Emotion

Although a misunderstood and troublesome emotion for lots of people, I want to...

A Soft Answer

A Soft Answer

I want to suggest that there is power in a soft answer. By soft answer I mean a soft response to some sort of provocation, or at least what feels to you like a provocation. I don’t mean, necessarily, that someone is deliberately inciting or goading you into reacting. Although it may mean that, I’m talking about any stimulus—event, situation, or even thought—that causes you to react emotionally.

If you have followed me for long, you know that I talk about key moments which I define...

Prioritizing Self-Care

Prioritizing Self-Care

I recall an earlier time in my life when I was putting in at least 14 hours per day not only taking care of my own responsibilities but overseeing the growth and development of around 8 colleagues. Frankly, I was stressed and anxious that I couldn’t get everything done and I pushed myself to the brink. And then a leader the organization called me into his office and told me I needed to prioritize self-care. Even though so much of the pressure I was feeling was coming from...

Managing Anxiety: My Personal Story of Coping With Stress

My father, C. Kay Allen, was a popular speaker

A Daunting Request

I want to suggest a generic process for managing anxiety by sharing a personal story from early in my career. I had just graduated from the University of Minnesota with my Ph.D. in counseling psychology and established a counseling practice in Colorado.

My father had been recently diagnosed with cardiovascular disease and his cardiologist, at St. Joseph’s hospital in Denver, scheduled him for a bypass surgery. A complicating facto...

Want to Feel Better? Face Your Negative Feelings

Photo by Andrey Konstantinov on Unsplash

Daily stress and adversity, by their very nature, result in what we consider to be negative emotions. The greater the stressor, the bigger our emotions. Think about it. We wouldn’t call something stressful or traumatic or a hardship if it didn’t impact our feelings. In fact, we know we’re experiencing stress because of what we feel. So, being able to regulate what we feel is such an important part of managing stress and building resilience.

A Painful, Per...

Want to Feel Better? Honor Your Negative Feelings

Photo by Andrey Konstantinov on Unsplash

Daily stress and adversity, by their very nature, result in what we consider to be negative emotions. The greater the stressor, the bigger our emotions. Think about it. We wouldn’t call something stressful or traumatic or a hardship if it didn’t impact our feelings. In fact, we know we’re experiencing stress because of what we feel. So, being able to regulate what we feel is such an important part of managing stress and building resilience.

A Painful, Per...

Small and Simple Decisions that Make a Big Difference

It is a Saturday evening around 5:30 and I’m facing a decision. It’s not a life-changing decision but rather a little decision about how I’ll handle the evening. Relatively minor, in the big scheme of things, but one which has consequences.

I feel pretty lousy. Although normally healthy, I’ve been assaulted by cold and flu-like symptoms these past few days. It seems to be getting the worst of me, tonight, since I just returned from an all-day meeting. An all-day meeting on a Saturday. One that ...

Slower is Faster-My New Year’s Mantra

Looking back

It’s hard to believe it’s the end of another year. Time seems to fly by so quickly. And so I’m looking back, thinking about where I’ve been, what I’ve experienced and accomplished this past year and anticipating a new year. What will this new year bring? (Frankly, some of it is totally outside my control.) But I also have an opportunity to decide. What do I most want to create through goal setting and intentionality?

And as I ponder this question I’m aware that I’m tempted to accel...

‘Tis the Season of Giving

My mother, who passed away twenty-one years ago, has been on my mind these past several days. She loved this time of year—the decorations, the music, the meals, the shopping, the gift making and giving, the surprises and, perhaps most importantly, being with family at a special, even sacred season. For her, the holidays were a season of giving.

Her excitement was palpable and has caused me to do an inventory of my feelings. Have I captured the excitement of the holidays and spirit of Christmas?...