Ilene S. Cohen's Blog, page 8

Effects of Anxiety on the Body

If you’ve read “Anxious for Answers: The surprising truth about anxiety, and how you can master it for good!” you probably clearly understand how anxiety effects every inch of your body. If you haven’t, I have summarized some of anxiety’s main physical effects here…

Headache
Nausea
Frequent Urination or Diarrhea
Rapid Heartbeat
Chest Pain
Shortness of Breath
Dizziness or Lightheadedness
Tremors or Twitches
Excessive Sweating
Restlessness
Insomnia
Fatigue
Weakness
Painful Physical Symptoms
Increase of Menopausal Symptoms
Impaired Immune System
Digestive Issues
Decreased Libido

If your anxiety has contributed to physical symptoms or medical problems, you’re probably very uncomfortable. You might also feel like you’re going crazy, or wonder if you’re making it all up. However, even though I know it can feel that way, I want you to know that you’re not crazy. Anxiety has many known effects on the body that are very real. They aren’t all in your head!

Being able to recognize the physical symptoms of anxiety is important. There are many physical manifestations of anxiety that you may notice when you’re experiencing situational anxiety or are in the midst of a panic attack. However, many physical symptoms can appear even when you don’t think you have a reason to be anxious, and they can have a lasting impact on your overall health. As you can see, anxiety affects our lives in many ways and creates issues in our bodies, that generally makes us feel lousy.

To learn more check out my latest book Anxious for Answers: The surprising truth about anxiety, and how you can master it for good! https://amzn.to/2EJ3hSl

Book Reviews:

I’m not currently licensed as a therapist but I trained to be one and I still provide professional counseling support in various milieus. I mention it only to explain that it’s this perspective from which I read the book, and not as a person who was seeking to ameliorate her own anxiety.

The short version of my review is: I will be recommending this book to clients with anxiety.

The longer version is that I’m really impressed with the way the author is able to present topics that can often seem heavy or complex in a way that is easily readable and not intimidating. There’s a degree of personal responsibility in learning to manage one’s anxiety and that idea sometimes turns people off. But I feel the information is presented in such a non-threatening way that people who are good at self-directed growth could make as much progress with this book as they would working with a therapist.

It’s solution-focused, with activities at the end of each chapter and discussion about both natural and pharmaceutical interventions, should those prove necessary if behavioral and thought-process changes don’t seem to be adequate.

Overall, if you have anxiety and you want to understand it and have a good chance of learning how to break free from its grip on your life, this is an excellent book to read. -Crystal

A straight forward and easy to understand guide to managing anxiety. The advice is practical and offers anyone who suffers from anxiety ways to rethink it and heal. I have to say, the author provides the tools to learn how to handle anxiety that is so prevalent in today’s society based on her own life experiences with it, and that is an invaluable gift for readers for those who suffer anxiety or for those who know someone who does. I believe this is a must-read for anyone wrestling with this problem or has family or friends that deal with this on a daily basis. If you (or your loved ones) want to be happy and anxiety free — then purchase this book. It is chock full of different types of experiences and offers answers to the problem and how to keep it in check. Thank you, Dr. Ilene, for sharing your knowledge and your story. -Kelley M.

This book comes at a perfect time—what an anxious world we are living in. From acute anxiety (which can be good, and makes us slow down when driving in bad weather) to chronic anxiety—the fear of what “might” happen, this book shines a light on recognizable fears. The anxiety triggers in family units hit close to home. Some behaviors are positive—and make us want to help each other, but others can be destructive, especially if we have different opinions and goals. The epigenetics theory—biologic memory of trauma from ancestors, was also very intriguing. The book’s mission—to help teach us that we can manage our feelings to get closer to the truth, is very positive—as is the idea that we need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Definitely passing this book on to my kids! -DeeDee

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Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene

Setting Boundaries During Coronavirus: A Message for People-Pleasers

“I’m sorry, but I’m not having people over right now.” “Can you please wear a mask while providing your service?” “You were just on vacation. I don’t feel comfortable seeing you right now.” “I’ve decided to put my child in daycare.” “I’ve decided to homeschool my kids.” These are statements we may find ourselves making now that we’re living in a world with a pandemic on the loose. They might sound like pretty straightforward statements, but as many people-pleasers know, it’s hard to say things to others that may offend them. Pleasers tend to prefer going with the flow and going along with the vast majority. But living in times of a pandemic, all of us have different opinions and ways we like to keep ourselves safe. It might become a huge stressor for you if you have different opinions than some of your family and friends. You may be wondering how you can communicate your thoughts and feelings to others without feeling scared.

The coronavirus pandemic comes with so many new experiences and opportunities to feel stressed out and anxious. It’s an especially hard time for people-pleasers, who may find themselves needing to set the proper boundaries to keep themselves safe. Even though it’s scary and difficult to set boundaries, especially with strong, tough-minded people, I encourage you to use this time as an opportunity to practice. What better time than a pandemic to learn to keep yourself safe and make YOU a priority? Below are some tips that will get you started:

Become aware of your boundaries: Before you begin to set boundaries with others, you need to know what your boundaries actually are. Many people-pleasers are confused about where their boundaries lie and what their own thoughts are about important issues. So, when it comes to coronavirus, it’s important to first become aware of what you believe is safe or unsafe at this time. Looking up the facts and/or talking to an objective, non-judgmental person can help with that. Overall, keep in mind that your personal boundaries are about what feels right for you. They can be fluid and change as the virus’s impact on your local area changes.
Communicate clearly: When you’re clear about what you feel is safe and unsafe, you can openly communicate your limits to others. I know this is a lot easier said than done; but if you work on managing your own anxiety (rather than other people’s), you’ll have an easier time communicating your boundaries. Be as clear and straightforward as possible. Remember, you don’t need to defend your choices or overly apologize for them.
Remember it is okay if others aren’t happy with your decisions: The people in your life might not be happy with your boundaries or accept them. They may even try to convince or pressure you to do things their way. This is especially hard to manage when you’re a people-pleaser—especially if it’s coming from someone you don’t want to upset. People might try getting you to do what they want you to; but remember, standing for your boundaries and values doesn’t make you a bad person, even if it upsets other people. The people who push back about your choice to social distance most likely mean well; they probably just miss seeing you. But even with the pressure they apply and the feelings of guilt you might feel, hold onto your boundaries and remember that you can still be a good family member and friend, even while saying no.
Make a plan: Like I said, family and friends may be disappointed when you set boundaries; but you don’t need to sacrifice your health to make them happy. If you know a particular person might trigger you or get upset when you set boundaries, come up with a plan of action. Before you get emotional, thoughtfully work out how you might respond and exit the conversation if it gets overwhelming. It’s hard to think clearly when you’re in the moment and nervous. So, come up with a plan beforehand. It will always be a little uncomfortable, and sometimes a little difficult, to set boundaries with certain people. But over time and with practice, it gets easier.

When you’re a people-pleaser, setting boundaries isn’t easy—especially if you’re already anxious. Be patient. Take note of what makes it hard for you to set boundaries, and come up with strategies to get past those obstacles. It’s okay to not get it right all the time. It’s always a good time to work on boundary-setting, even if you don’t do it perfectly. Your health and safety are important. Be clear about the boundaries and limits you want to set. You can even write them down to remember them! Just remember that no matter how clear your boundaries are, you may still get push back from the people in your life. This doesn’t mean you’re wrong. In some cases, taking care of ourselves means disappointing others. You can be understanding of their feelings, but you aren’t responsible for them.

Get a copy of my new book “Anxious for Answers: The surprising truth about anxiety, and how you can master it for good!” https://amzn.to/2N1xKfb

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Once a week I send out a newsletter with new articles and unique content for readers. It is my way of staying in touch with you and giving you free advice based on some important topics.

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Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene

 

Setting Boundaries During Coronavirus: A Message for People-Pleaser’s

“I’m sorry, but I’m not having people over right now.” “Can you please wear a mask while providing your service?” “You were just on vacation. I don’t feel comfortable seeing you right now.” “I’ve decided to put my child in daycare.” “I’ve decided to homeschool my kids.” These are statements we may find ourselves making now that we’re living in a world with a pandemic on the loose. They might sound like pretty straightforward statements, but as many people-pleasers know, it’s hard to say things to others that may offend them. Pleasers tend to prefer going with the flow and going along with the vast majority. But living in times of a pandemic, all of us have different opinions and ways we like to keep ourselves safe. It might become a huge stressor for you if you have different opinions than some of your family and friends. You may be wondering how you can communicate your thoughts and feelings to others without feeling scared.

The coronavirus pandemic comes with so many new experiences and opportunities to feel stressed out and anxious. It’s an especially hard time for people-pleasers, who may find themselves needing to set the proper boundaries to keep themselves safe. Even though it’s scary and difficult to set boundaries, especially with strong, tough-minded people, I encourage you to use this time as an opportunity to practice. What better time than a pandemic to learn to keep yourself safe and make YOU a priority? Below are some tips that will get you started:

Become aware of your boundaries: Before you begin to set boundaries with others, you need to know what your boundaries actually are. Many people-pleasers are confused about where their boundaries lie and what their own thoughts are about important issues. So, when it comes to coronavirus, it’s important to first become aware of what you believe is safe or unsafe at this time. Looking up the facts and/or talking to an objective, non-judgmental person can help with that. Overall, keep in mind that your personal boundaries are about what feels right for you. They can be fluid and change as the virus’s impact on your local area changes.
Communicate clearly: When you’re clear about what you feel is safe and unsafe, you can openly communicate your limits to others. I know this is a lot easier said than done; but if you work on managing your own anxiety (rather than other people’s), you’ll have an easier time communicating your boundaries. Be as clear and straightforward as possible. Remember, you don’t need to defend your choices or overly apologize for them.
Remember it is okay if others aren’t happy with your decisions: The people in your life might not be happy with your boundaries or accept them. They may even try to convince or pressure you to do things their way. This is especially hard to manage when you’re a people-pleaser—especially if it’s coming from someone you don’t want to upset. People might try getting you to do what they want you to; but remember, standing for your boundaries and values doesn’t make you a bad person, even if it upsets other people. The people who push back about your choice to social distance most likely mean well; they probably just miss seeing you. But even with the pressure they apply and the feelings of guilt you might feel, hold onto your boundaries and remember that you can still be a good family member and friend, even while saying no.
Make a plan: Like I said, family and friends may be disappointed when you set boundaries; but you don’t need to sacrifice your health to make them happy. If you know a particular person might trigger you or get upset when you set boundaries, come up with a plan of action. Before you get emotional, thoughtfully work out how you might respond and exit the conversation if it gets overwhelming. It’s hard to think clearly when you’re in the moment and nervous. So, come up with a plan beforehand. It will always be a little uncomfortable, and sometimes a little difficult, to set boundaries with certain people. But over time and with practice, it gets easier.

When you’re a people-pleaser, setting boundaries isn’t easy—especially if you’re already anxious. Be patient. Take note of what makes it hard for you to set boundaries, and come up with strategies to get past those obstacles. It’s okay to not get it right all the time. It’s always a good time to work on boundary-setting, even if you don’t do it perfectly. Your health and safety are important. Be clear about the boundaries and limits you want to set. You can even write them down to remember them! Just remember that no matter how clear your boundaries are, you may still get push back from the people in your life. This doesn’t mean you’re wrong. In some cases, taking care of ourselves means disappointing others. You can be understanding of their feelings, but you aren’t responsible for them.

Get a copy of my new book “Anxious for Answers: The surprising truth about anxiety, and how you can master it for good!” https://amzn.to/2N1xKfb

Did you enjoy reading this article?

Once a week I send out a newsletter with new articles and unique content for readers. It is my way of staying in touch with you and giving you free advice based on some important topics.

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Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene

 

Three Reasons Why You Don’t Always Need Go with The Flow

For most of my life I was a dedicated people-pleaser. When I look back I clearly see that many of my people-pleasing behaviors derived from a fear of confrontation, conflict, and criticism. I mistakenly thought that “going with the flow” made me a better, more likeable person. I thought I was just easy going, when really, I was scared of voicing my opinion in fear that someone might disagree with me. Many times, I was blinded to my own voice and opinions. If you find yourself in a similar predicament, I encourage you to take a different approach then always “going with the flow” to avoid your anxiety. It some cases it isn’t necessarily a bad thing to be easy going, however, if you find yourself always giving in and doing what others want without checking in with yourself first, it could become an issue in your life.

Below are three reasons why you don’t always need to go with the flow:

1. You don’t need to bury your feelings to be accepted by others: Start seeing your inclination to “go with the flow” as an indication that you might be trying to avoid conflict or upsetting others. Try not to be scared to disagree with others, and remember that it is actually good for your relationships to show up as you are.

2. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship: Don’t judge yourself or think your relationship is “bad” if a conflict occurs just because you bring up your thoughts. A certain amount of conflict is typical in any relationship. It isn’t possible to keep all of your relationships easy going. Instead of trying to avoid using your voice, you can learn how to face situations constructively, without allowing things to escalate into destructive arguments.

3. You are probably overestimating the anger of others: Many people “go with the flow” when they overestimate how angry others will get when they express themselves and their preferences. Some people may very well get upset; but usually, your imagination is exaggerating how angry they’ll become. Your only responsibility is to bring up, in a rational, clear manner, how you feel about a situation, what you prefer and your thoughts. How the other person responds is out of your control.

Get a copy of my new book “Anxious for Answers: The surprising truth about anxiety, and how you can master it for good!” https://amzn.to/2N1xKfb

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Giving Up the “Worst Case Scenario” Mindset for Good

Hi there!

I hope you’re doing well. It’s hard to believe that we’re halfway through a year that has completely redefined our lives.

And if you’re someone who is struggling with anxiety, I’m sure this period of time has brought about a few too many “worse case scenario” thoughts.

Think about it: How often does a sudden negative thought increase into a worst-case scenario? How often does a thought turn into an absolute catastrophe in your mind? For instance, a dry cough turns into bronchitis. A flight to see a friend turns into the idea of your plane crashing. A canceled date turns into you dying alone. A global pandemic turns into an almost guarantee in your mind, that you and those you love will be affected by the virus.

It’s normal to have negative thoughts, no matter how extreme they might be at times. It’s part of our evolution to constantly scan our environment, looking for problems to fix. The problem is not so much that we have negative thoughts, rather, the issues arise when we believe our thoughts are true, and when they turn into a worst-case scenario that makes us feel even more anxious.

Think about an article in a tabloid about the latest celebrity. Most of us know it’s an exaggeration or fabrication. We don’t believe that the article is totally true, and we don’t change our lives around those articles. The negative thoughts in our mind are just like those tabloid stories. The problem is that if we don’t step back to gain a more truthful perspective, we may let worst-case scenarios run our lives.

Below are techniques you can practice before letting negative thinking turn into worst case-scenarios: 

1. Notice your thoughts. Pay attention to when your thoughts slip from realistic anxieties into unusual or unlikely scenarios. Notice the patterns without judgement. We tend to judge ourselves when our thinking becomes catastrophic, so notice if you’re judging yourself being that this amplifies your anxiety.

2. Remember what you actually do have control over. You can’t control everything, but consider the realistic options available to you in the moment. If you’re scared of flying, research the statistics and learn about flying. Remind yourself that this practice has existed for over a century and that, statistically, you’re safer in a plane than in your car.

3. Do what scares you. The single most effective way to overcome your fears is to face them. Famous psychologist Carl Jung observed that that which you resist persists. For example, if you have a fear of flying, try your best to book a flight. If you are scared to face a serious issue in your marriage, face your partner. Because if there is a serious problem, then at least you’ll know what to work on, instead of worrying, ruminating and feeling stuck.

4. Practice strategies once a negative thought pops up. Thankfully there are strategies we can practice to calm our anxiety and tame our negative thoughts which I list few below.

Label your thoughts. Instead of saying, “I’m stupid,” say, “I’m having the thought that I’m stupid.” Instead of saying, “I’m going to fail this test,” say “I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail this test.” The difference may seem small; however, it can help you gain the perspective that you are not your thoughts.
Thank your mind. If you’re having anxious thoughts such as, “I hope this plane doesn’t crash,” say, “Thank you, mind, for trying to keep me safe. But there’s nothing you really need to do right now. I’ve got it covered.”
Let them float away. This one involves imagery. Imagine placing each negative thought in your mind on a leaf, and watch it float down a stream. When you have another thought, as you will, put it on another leaf and watch it float on by.
Sing your thoughts. Try singing your thoughts to the tune of the alphabet song or Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Your thoughts will certainty sound absurd this way, which is the whole point.
Say them in a funny voice. Try saying your thoughts in a funny voice, maybe imitating a cartoon character.
Name your stories. Often, our thoughts are repetitive and involve the same stories. When a thought like, “You’re going to embarrass yourself” comes up, say, “Oh, here’s my I’m an embarrassing loser story,” and then just let it go.
Do it anyway. Perhaps the most important tip is to remember that you can have a thought and perform any kind of behavior at the same time. If it’s something you care about, it’s worth it to let the thoughts simply be. You don’t have to do anything about them. Remember, you can function even when you’re anxious.
I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. When the what-ifs are bombarding you with tales of future disaster, it’s helpful to know that you don’t need to solve anything right now. When you recognize that you’re worrying about a future event, think to yourself, “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”

Get a copy of my new book “Anxious for Answers: The surprising truth about anxiety, and how you can master it for good!” https://amzn.to/2N1xKfb

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Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene

The Ways We Ease Our Anxiety Sometimes Bind Us to It

We have many ways of trying to manage and ease our anxiety in the moment; but the reality is that most of them don’t do much to resolve the real source of our anxiety. When we engage in certain behaviors to relax ourselves, we don’t tend to realize that our actions aren’t just a way of releasing tension, they’re also a means of easing our chronic anxiety. The ways we exhibit anxiety, and the ways we choose to ease it, are reflective of our family of origin and of what has worked best for us to manage our anxiety in the short-term. Anxiety binders might seem like a helpful way to relieve anxiety, but they actually only serve to keep anxiety alive. To bind something is to tie it so it can’t move or escape. This is the purpose anxiety binders serve. Though they might seem to ease our anxiety, they merely keep us tied to the very anxiety and behaviors we want to change.

It’s no surprise that a common way we ease our anxiety in the moment is with drugs and relationships. I think most of us are aware that people use alcohol and legal or illegal drugs—yes, this includes marijuana!—as a means of binding their anxiety. Anxiety binders rob us of our ability to learn how to properly manage our emotions in stressful situations. In this way, they keep our emotional maturity frozen in time. How will we be able to stand on our own two feet if we can’t keep it together, without reaching for something to soothe us like a pacifier? No wonder we’re so damn anxious. We can’t rely on ourselves to keep it together when shit hits the fan!

Below are some additional anxiety binders that you might find surprising:

Eating Disorders . These can take many forms, such as overeating, bulimia, and anorexia. They serve as both expressions of anxiety and binders of anxiety.
Overachieving . This can take the form of perfectionism or people-pleasing. Overachieving people are approval seekers; they bind their anxiety through their success and others’ acceptance of them.
Underachieving . People who underachieve are just as relationship-dependent as overachievers; they might bind their anxiety by bringing in others to solve their issues for them, or by not putting any effort into anything.
Focusing on Physical Health and Symptoms. People who maintain a preoccupation with their health and physical symptoms manage their emotions around a chronic problem by placing all of their attention on their health issues.
Hoarding and Overspending. Some people bind their anxiety by hoarding items they don’t need. They might get highly anxious when letting things go, so they hold onto them while accumulating more items. Other people attempt to manage their anxiety by indulging an impulse to spend and buy things they don’t need or can’t afford.
Gambling. Like all anxiety binders, gambling offers a way to escape or contain anxious feelings. People who gamble compulsively as a way of managing their anxiety become consumed and preoccupied with something other than their anxious feelings.
Personality Traits . Traits such as obsessiveness, workaholism, shyness, indecisiveness, defensiveness, grandiosity, optimism, and pessimism can also be ways that we bind our anxiety. For example, overly pessimistic people can actually improve their sense of wellbeing by lowering their expectations and always assuming the worst. An overly optimistic person might ease their anxiety around difficult issues by constantly being super positive about situations. This can be a way for a person to avoid their problems, by continuing to be optimistic even about bad situations.
Avoiding . Many people attempt to contain their anxiety by trying to ignore or dissmissing things they should be doing, such as going to the doctor or paying necessary bills.
Blaming. Most of us are guilty of attempting to manage our anxiety by blaming others for our problems. This helps us avoid feeling the anxiety that comes with owning our faults and being accountable for our actions. Some people do the opposite of this by taking on most of the blame; if it’s all their fault, they don’t have to deal with displeasing others and holding them accountable.
Attacking . Attacking others is a way of shifting anxiety onto another person. People who bind anxiety this way displace their anxious feelings onto someone else, giving themselves a sense of relief.
Fixing and Getting Overly Involved. Many people can be counted on to jump in and fix everything and everyone. When they do this, they’re often acting from a place of anxiety, involving themselves in problems that aren’t theirs, and trying to smooth things over so they won’t have to feel uncomfortable.

The list I shared includes just some of the more common ways we bind our anxiety. But, if we observe ourselves, other people, and our surroundings, we can find many more ways that we ease, contain, and express our anxiety in the moment. My latest book, “Anxious for Answers” can help overcome this, and explains many more ways that we bind our anxiety that can seem like it’s the main issue when it isn’t.

If you would like to learn how to overcome using your anxiety binders as a crutch, check out my new book, “Anxious for Answer.” 

Paperback – https://amzn.to/2ZFxQka

Kindle – https://amzn.to/2zveEei

Already started reading it? I would love to hear your thoughts in a sentence or two in an Amazon review

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Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene

Three Ways to Shift Your Perspective and Overcome Anxious Thoughts

Everything is going to fall apart. My child is going to get into an accident. I could never accomplish anything even close to great. I don’t have any special skills. I don’t think that my family will be okay. I probably won’t be able to handle it if something does happen to me or someone I love. No one will like me if they knew what I was really thinking. Last time I spoke my mind, I sounded like an idiot.

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?



These thoughts, and many more, play through the minds of anxious people like a song on repeat. These very beliefs reinforce worry, fear, and self-doubt. You might know that these thoughts aren’t helpful to your wellbeing, but still, it feels impossible to stop them.

Instead of trying to stop them, though, I encourage you to take a closer look at your own thoughts and identify the ones that fill your mind with anxiety and worry. Not to judge them or rid yourself of them, just to observe them.

Ask yourself: Are these thoughts facts or merely anxious projections? How can I differentiate between what is a real threat and what is imagined?

When thoughts of worry enter your mind, be aware of the observer within you. This is the real you that dwells beneath the surface of your thoughts. When you observe, you can watch the thoughts that flow through your mind. In those moments of anxiety and worry, if you are able to access yourself, you will have the ability to better distinguish between facts and anxiety driven thoughts.

Below are 3 ways to shift your perspective and overcome anxiety.

1.     Don’t try to stop your thoughts.

I am sure that you have tried countless times, to get your anxious thoughts to stop. Most of us are aware that certain thoughts aren’t so useful to us, like when we think of all the “what ifs” and conjure up a ton of worst-case scenarios. However, what stumbles most people isn’t that they have the thoughts, but that they believe them to be true. Though it is important to remember, in those anxious moments, thoughts derived from anxiety aren’t facts, they are merely the most primitive parts of our brain reacting to a perceived threat. So, instead of trying to stop your thoughts, make-an-effort to recognize their presents and the discomfort you feel around them, knowing that they aren’t speaking the truth.

2.     Stay present.

Worry cannot flourish and blossom if you are fully connected with the present moment. Anxiety happens when we dwell in the past or fear future outcomes. Try to bring yourself here now and live moment to moment, without judgment. This will help you to center yourself and not be drifted away by unfounded anxious feelings.

3.     Be proactive.

If struggles, difficulties or issues arise in your life and worry comes up in your mind, being proactive can keep you from conjuring up all of the worst-case scenarios. It can also help you to build confidence in yourself to face life’s difficulties. Ask yourself what you are really worried about and if there is something you can do about it. If there is, be proactive and find a way to get through it.

To shift your perspective, watch your thoughts and become aware of any worrisome ideas or feelings that pop up within your consciousness. Remind yourself that those worry-filled thoughts are not facts. Take a moment to accept the anxious thoughts for what they are, find the truth, and bring yourself back to the present moment.

If you would like to learn more ways to shift your perspective and overcome anxious thoughts, check out my new book, “Anxious for Answer.”

Paperback – https://amzn.to/2ZFxQka

Kindle – https://amzn.to/2zveEei

Already started reading it? I would love to hear your thoughts in a sentence or two in an Amazon review.

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Once a week I send out a newsletter with new articles and unique content for readers. It is my way of staying in touch with you and giving you free advice based on some important topics.

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Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene

How Do You Know When It’s Time to Rely on Self-help Books for Your Anxiety?

Anxiety can be a debilitating and all-consuming. Many people don’t know what to do and/or where to turn when their emotions are taking over their life. Self-help books can provide a huge help in learning why you feel the way you feel, how to think in new ways and alleviate your intrusive emotions. Personally, I always found self-help books instrumental in my personal growth, so much so that that’s the main reason I decided to become a writer.

With that being said, when I was suffering from people-pleasing and anxiety, reading about people who suffered with similar issues and overcame them was very therapeutic and useful to me. I no longer felt like I was alone, or like I was different. I found hope in books. Below are some tips of when it might be time to rely of self-help books for your anxiety:

You don’t understand why you are anxious
You are constantly anxious and it’s just getting worse
You have tried many different solutions but don’t see much progress
The people in your life keep pushing you to seek help
You don’t feel like anyone will understand you
You are nervous to seek professional help

It’s never easy to go through life feeling anxious and like there isn’t anything that can help. Though, I can assure you that by learning more about what you’re experiencing and taking the time to read others’ experiences along with scientific research can make a HUGE difference in your life and level of anxiety.

Check out some of the self-help books that have been instrumental in my personal growth: https://doctorilene.com/resources

Speaking of reading about other people’s experiences and scientific research on exactly what you’re feeling, my latest book covers just that. You’ll feel empowered and start to see your anxiety as something you can control, rather than something that controls you.

Get a copy of my new book “Anxious for Answers: The surprising truth about anxiety, and how you can master it for good!”

Paperback – https://amzn.to/3dwoR8F 

Kindle – https://amzn.to/2Wit36c

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Once a week I send out a newsletter with new articles and unique content for readers. It is my way of staying in touch with you and giving you free advice based on some important topics.

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Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene

 

Eight Techniques for Reducing Stress & Anxiety Right Now!

“Even in the midst of life’s many storms, we have the capacity to stand in the center of our own peace.” – Unknown

If you’ve been experiencing increased anxiety recently, you certainly aren’t alone. Most of us stick to schedules; we like to have our lives planned out, day by day. Many of us need to have some idea of what the future holds for us. But currently, we’re all living in extreme uncertainty as we face a global health crisis, a financial crisis, and an anxious environment—all while social-distancing at home. Some of us are totally alone, some with anxious or abusive partners, others with children. Many of us are struggling in ways we’ve never had to before.

Whether or not you were prone to anxiety before this pandemic came roaring through your life, you might be feeling a heightened sense of worry or panic these days. You might be wondering how you’re going to keep it together while you navigate these uncertain times. How are you supposed to handle all of this when you can barely breathe? When your muscles are so tight? When your new baseline is a mix of agitation and anger? When you cycle through bursts of laziness and energy? When every part of you wants to scream, “I have to get out!”? When all you can seem to do is daydream about better times? When all you seem to yearn for is your former life?

As we all live through what seems like a nightmare, how can we find ways to feel less stressed and anxious?

One optimistic way of looking at the situation we’re currently in is to see it as an opportunity to start working on our response to anxiety’s presence in our lives. Essentially, we can use this time to work on our relationships and ourselves, building new coping skills and coming out of this better than before.

We all have anxiety—and for a very good reason. In fact, if we weren’t anxious by nature, we wouldn’t be here right now. In every living thing, anxiety is part of the survival instinct, the built-in response to perceived threats. This is what makes us drive carefully in a rainstorm and avoid walking too close to the edge of a cliff. It’s our inner alarm system. It helps keep us alive. All living things have it. Even animals, running for their lives from the predators chasing them down, display anxiety. That’s what gets them moving. When seen in this way, anxiety isn’t pathological or dysfunctional; it’s a natural and appropriate response to a perceived threat.

It’s a fact that anxiety has important adaptive functions for us. However, like most things in life, too much or too little of it reduces our ability to function, and hinders how well we adapt to new situations. Although anxiety plays an important role in our survival, there’s more to learn and know about it, especially when it starts to create problems in our lives and relationships.

When it comes to anxiety and its effects, it’s important to remember that the more we try to avoid it or relieve ourselves of it, the more intense it becomes.

I know that doesn’t seem too logical. After all, we’ve been taught to think that when we face a problem, we should try to fix it. However, anxiety is different from most other issues we face. Our brains interpret avoidance as confirmation of danger, so the more energy we use to push anxiety away, the more our alert system gets activated, and the more powerfully our anxiety rears its ugly head.

The best way to manage ourselves during a pandemic isn’t to try and avoid our feelings; it’s to try and transform our relationship with anxiety. Anxiety is totally uncomfortable, and it’s hard to accept or embrace it. But if we can see it as a signal from our bodies and brains that’s alerting us to a threat, maybe we can tolerate it a little better.

I know we’re all dealing with a lot right now, and the last thing we want to do is work on new ways to deal with our anxious feelings and symptoms. But if not now, when? Below are 8 t echniques for r educing a nxiety r ight n ow:

Pay attention.As easy as it may sound, it’s difficult to slow down and notice our surroundings, especially when we have a lot on our minds. Make a conscious effort to experience the world around you with all 5 senses—touch, hear, see, smell, and taste your surroundings. For example, when you eat a favorite food, take the time to smell, taste, and truly enjoy it.
Live in the moment.Be open, accepting, and intentional about everything you do in the moment.
Accept yourself. We often don’t treat ourselves with the compassion we easily give to others. Practice treating yourself the same way you would a close friend, a child, or a loving pet.
Focus on your breathing.When you have negative thoughts, try to sit down, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Focus on your breath as it moves in and out of your body.
Body scan meditation.Lie on your back with your legs extended and arms at your sides, palms facing up. Focus your attention slowly and deliberately on each part of your body, in order, from toe to head or head to toe. Be aware of any sensations, emotions, or thoughts associated with each part of your body.
Sitting meditation.Sit comfortably with your back straight, feet flat on the floor, and hands in your lap. Breathing through your nose, focus on your breath moving in and out of your body. If physical sensations or thoughts interrupt your meditation, note the experience and then return your focus to your breath.
Walking meditation.Find a quiet place, and begin to walk slowly. Focus on the experience of walking, being aware of the sensations of standing and the subtle movements that keep your balance. When you reach the end of your path, turn and continue walking, maintaining awareness of your sensations.
Find a way to feel safe. When we’re particularly anxious or in the midst of a panic attack, it’s also important to find ways to feel safe. I understand that we don’t feel so safe right now, and that there are potential threats in our environment. However, we can still find a way to live in the world with confidence in ourselves. It’s our perceptions and mindset that ultimately make the difference between feeling safe and unsafe. Realizing that you are your own safety net can help you feel at home wherever you go. If anything does happen, you know you can handle it.

It’s finding a way to observe and accept your anxiety that will allow you to start making some real, meaningful, and lasting changes in your response to it. I encourage you to use some of the techniques I’ve shared to quiet your mind and dig deeper into finding your own sense of calm. When you begin to lean into your anxiety, you can observe and address it in a way that reduces it.

Did you enjoy reading this article?

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Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene

As the World Stands Still, Let’s Decide to Keep Living

While the outside world stands still, I can‘t help but feel like my own life has been put on pause, too. With schools, gyms, restaurants, businesses, parks, malls, etc. closed indefinitely, how can it not feel like everything just stopped? Frozen in a moment of time that feels so still, yet also like it will last forever.

Even though we feel like our lives are on pause, they still must go on. If we have children, we still have to be parents; if we have a job, we still have to work; if we have friends, we still have to be a friend. Whether we’re sick or healthy, we still have to take care of ourselves. Just because our regular lives have currently ceased to exist, it doesn’t mean we don’t have a life. It doesn’t mean we don’t still have responsibilities, obligations, families, loved ones, and deadlines.

So as the outside world stands still, what are you going to do to keep living? To keep laughing? To keep enjoying life? Just because our circumstances have temporarily changed, do we need to stop seizing the day? Do we need to throw in the towel until we’re released from our in-home prisons? In this case, as with all, the only real prisons are in our own minds. We can hold our breath until we’re allowed to resume life as it was, or we can decide to take deep breaths and accept it as it is right now—no matter how uncomfortable that is.

As the world stands still, I’m still all of the things I was before this. I’m a mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, therapist, writer, friend. As so much changes, as there’s so much unknown, there’s still so much that stays familiar and the same. Even if you don’t feel like yourself, who you are never changes; your meaning and worth are always there. If not now, when will be a better time to bring forward who you are and who you want to be in this situation?

It’s hard. This is a struggle for most of us. I know some people are in really bad circumstances. I know people are anxious, annoyed, frustrated, and angry. I know people are sick and dying. I know all of these things. I cry about it when I think about it. I mourn for those who are struggling. And yet I also find happiness, tickles, smiles, joy, purpose, and love in my current circumstance. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind to say the least. I haven’t exactly been my best self all the time; but I I’ve also surprised myself by learning to deal with things in a better way.

The Coronavirus has crippled the world. But this pandemic shouldn’t change our lives, just the way we live them, whether that’s for the short term or the long term. Circumstances happen in life, and we often focus only on ourselves, our own perspective. We spend lots of time sorting things out, rather than actively living and vulnerably connecting with each other. It’s okay to admit that this is a lot for you. It’s okay to connect with one another and share your feelings; you might find some comfort in it. We think we have to just deal with what’s going on around us, just suck it up and take it. However, what’s happening now in the world is the ultimate reminder that we’re all connected to each other, and what we choose to do is going to affect us all.

One kind word will make a difference. One phone call back to someone who told you something you didn’t know how to handle at the time will make an impact. 

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or lost right now. But don’t forget to check in with the people you love. Keep the lines of communication open. What will make the difference, as it has in many past challenges and tragedies, is how we interact with each other. Talking and listening to each other is so important, as only together will we overcome this time of hardship. Be kind and good to yourself so you can be powerful enough to inspire and motivate others. And remember, as the world stands still, keep living. As long as you’re alive, there’s always hope.

Did you enjoy reading this article?

Once a week I send out a newsletter with new articles and unique content for readers. It is my way of staying in touch with you and giving you free advice based on some important topics.

Click here to sign up for my newsletter.

Get a copy of my popular book “Its Within You.” It is a guide to help you to live within and cultivate your sense of purpose. https://amzn.to/2LP2pNL

Talk soon,

Dr. Ilene