Monica Berg's Blog, page 16

The World, Through Curious Eyes

Do you remember the days of your childhood when every little thing seemed magical? A butterfly flitting by, the flowers that grew in your backyard, or learning that mixing red and blue would make purple. Beneath those subtle moments of awe was an inherent curiosity, an unquenchable thirst to know the “why” and “how” of everything. Sadly, as we grow older, we often lose this sense of wonder in the face of routine, responsibilities, and the various demands of life. How could we not? Just getting kids out the door on time, along with yourself, in the morning is enough to send your brain into solution-oriented, overdrive mode!

Rediscovering this childlike curiosity is possible, and it can significantly shift and enrich your daily experience. Even those harried morning routines can become experiments in wonder.

Curiosity starts with asking questions, but the magic really happens in the next step, eagerly seeking out the answers and being open to any and all possibilities. It’s a mindset that embraces learning not as a chore but as a continuous, enjoyable process. Imagine a world where everyone maintained their childhood curiosity. We would constantly be learning, growing, and discovering new things about our world and ourselves. This is not just a fanciful idea—it’s a practical approach to life that can lead to personal and professional growth.

I recently took my youngest daughter to an ice-skating party with her entire school, and while it was totally hectic in the best way, I was happily surprised with where my mind went. I was absolutely in awe of how fearless all these kids were. Many of them didn’t know how to skate, but they tried anyway, they played tag on the ice, they pushed each other around in little carts—they were free. There were no “what ifs.” They weren’t afraid of falling or looking silly or anything like that they were just present and open to the experience. I looked around with a huge smile on my face because I couldn’t help but want to live in that existence. The good news is: we can by staying curious.

Numerous psychological studies have examined the power of curiosity, including its impact on learning, brain function, emotional well-being, and even our relationships. Here are a few of my favorite studies and their amazing takeaways:

Curiosity makes us better learners!

Curiosity enhances learning. When people are curious about a particular topic, they remember information about it better. This explains why we excel in subjects that interest us more than those that don’t, even if our study habits are the same.

It boosts our happiness!

Research has shown that curiosity activates the brain’s reward system. The neurotransmitter dopamine, which is associated with motivation and pleasure, plays a significant role in this process. This activation is similar to what happens when we experience something pleasurable, explaining why curiosity can be so engaging and satisfying. If you’re feeling bogged down by mundane tasks, find something to be curious about and learn about it. For example, you know those barcodes on everything you buy? They were invented in 1952 and are based on Morse code! These little curiosities may not launch you into the stratosphere of joy, but they’ll certainly add sparkle to your day.

Knowing these kinds of things can make us feel more tapped into our world and, in turn, make us feel part of something bigger. It can be the motivation we need to do more in the world.

It deepens and sustains our relationships!

Being curious about others can lead to deeper and more meaningful connections across your entire life. People who displayed curiosity during conversations were viewed as more interesting and engaging by their conversation partners. Conversations are a constant part of daily life, and if you can bring an element of curiosity to each interaction, you’ll not only be opening yourself up to new experiences of connection, but you’ll also be creating deeper intimacy with the most important people in your life.

It also keeps us healthy and vibrant!

There’s also emerging evidence suggesting that staying curious might be linked to a longer and healthier life. Curiosity is correlated with longevity, possibly because curious individuals engage more in behaviors that contribute to physical and mental health. When we nurture curiosity, the world becomes an endless playground of possibility. For example, consistently experiencing new things—even if it’s just a dish you’ve never tried!—is linked to a lower risk of dementia, better sleep, and greater mental health for starters…

Imagine if we all viewed the world with the same curiosity we had as children. Just like my daughter and her classmates living fully out on the ice-skating rink. Every day would be a new adventure filled with learning and discovery. Problems would be puzzles waiting to be solved. Every person we meet would be a potential best friend, carrying with them a world of experiences to explore. Try to view the world not just for what it is but for what it could be. In doing so, we could rediscover the magic in the mundane, the extraordinary in the ordinary. You can start right now by asking yourself: “What is possible for me right now? What is magical about this exact moment?”

Let the answers inspire and enchant you…

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PIX11

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Tu b’Shevat: Growing, Generously

In his book Days of Power, Rav Berg wrote, “There’s more power in the seed than there is in the entire tree. But the power of the seed is potential, while that of the tree is [already] manifested.”

How could there be more power in a seed than a fully grown Oak Tree?! The seed is small, almost weightless. It doesn’t bear fruit or have branches—it may as well be a grain of sand on the beach covered in millions of tiny specks that are exactly the same. Yet, once planted, it has all the power to become.

However, the tree itself is already grown. Maybe it isn’t an oak but an olive tree. While it has beautifully manifested itself to grow delicious olives, it can never be an oak tree. Or a peach tree. Or an apple tree. Does this cause it to wilt and stop growing? No. It will continue to produce olives for as long as it lives—which could be more than one thousand years!

Today marks the fifteenth of the month of Aquarius, the day known as Tu B’Shevat, the birthday of the trees. It is the 24-hour window in time in which the trees receive their energy for the entire year—whether they will grow and whether fruits will grow from them. The Supernal Gates open to shower the Plant Kingdom with spiritual nourishment but also to give us an opportunity to embody the supernatural power of the trees…

We each contain both the seed and the tree. We may believe that, like the seed, we are small and insignificant, but this is never the case. We contain an infinite wellspring of potential which we can manifest in all sorts of ways! Like the tree, we might believe ourselves to be fully manifested as just one thing, but this is also untrue. We are all–and always–works in progress!

In fact, much of the potential we once held is still there.

That supernatural power that we can embody today is a plant’s ability to sprout and flourish against gravity. Trees defy the force of gravity in miraculous ways—growing taller than 300 feet!— and can inspire us to do the same. Our nature can be represented by the Desire to Receive for the Self Alone, which is, interestingly, where most of our negative beliefs and thoughts come from. As we grow against or in spite of this impulse, we should strive to build a Desire to Receive in Order to Share. When we do, we become like the Creator, who is all sharing, good, and completely infinite. The more we emulate the Creator, the further we rise above those negativities—self-doubt, fear, worry, or lack—that hold us back from our potential.

Fruit trees are some of the most powerful sharers in existence. From a young age, trees that bear fruit are routinely pruned as a way of building their resilience. As they continue to produce their fruit, the fruit itself becomes more resilient and more abundant. But it isn’t just the growing of the fruit that supports the tree. It’s the giving of the fruit. The more a tree produces, the more it must be pruned to keep it healthy. It, quite literally, has to share in order to continue growing. And when its fruits are grown consistently and harvested generously, these trees can live up to 200 years and more. As we’ve already seen, olive trees can surpass a thousand! They also give to whomever needs, they do not pick and choose who receives their fruit—it makes no difference to them!

It serves as a perfect metaphor. Growing and achieving with an intention to consistently give is our pathway to health and fulfillment. We do not exist to hoard our fruits or to stop growing. The purpose of each of our lives is to grow as the trees grow—continuously and generously, giving at every opportunity. It is not our job to discern who is worthy of our kindness. It is simply our job to give and to share. Simple, yes. Easy? Not always. But the journey to becoming beings of sharing is what matters. As I often say, the process is the purpose.

As we continue to evolve and grow, we become worthy of some of life’s most beautiful blessings. Just like the trees that grow against their nature, producing sweet fruits and tall branches, as we grow, we also draw down joyful manifestations. Being that Tu b’Shevat falls on the 15th of Aquarius, it sits directly opposite of the 15th of the month of Leo on the zodiacal wheel. Why do I tell you that? Because the fifteenth of the month of Leo, known as Tu B’Av, is one of the most positive and joyous days of the whole year. It is the day of soulmates, marriages, celebrations, and gaiety—the sweetest of gifts that we draw down as we grow into the person we are meant to be.

The promise of the growth we experience by committing to going against our nature is a promise of fulfillment, joy, and abundance. As you observe this verdant day, meditate on how and where you are most yearning to grow. Where is your potential calling you? What is holding you back? Whatever it may be, know that it’s giving you a potent opportunity to flourish, maybe in ways you never thought possible.

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A Stoic’s Guide to Communication

Communication is the very wellspring of human connection, full stop. Without it, relationships wouldn’t exist, let alone evolve or thrive. The way we express ourselves, share information, and speak to others not only creates the reality we share but builds the reality we individually experience, as well. We all live in a world where communication happens at a breakneck pace, and it can be so easy to take this vital aspect of our humanity for granted. How meaningful can our communication be when we’re replying to texts, emails, social media posts, and phone calls sometimes before we ever even speak to someone?

Trying on the wisdom of ancient philosophers like Socrates—who existed long before talk-to-text—can help us simplify and maybe even purify our conversations, whether digital or analog. A case in point is Socrates’ Triple Filter. If you’re unfamiliar, it is a remarkably timeless tool for elevating our conversations from mere exchanges or digital quips to a more meaningful dialogue. This philosophy can enrich and refine the way we communicate in the digital age, but it can also bring a level of thoughtfulness and maybe even deeper intimacy to our relationships.

The Triple Filter Test is broken down into the following three questions:

Filter 1: Is it True?

This is a big one, especially in an era where information travels at the speed of light, and there is no immediate ability to fact-check. The first filter challenges us to pause and really reflect on the veracity of our words. Before sharing anything, we can ask: Is this really true? This filter encourages a commitment to accuracy, fostering an environment where trust and credibility are upheld in our communication. In a relationship, asking ourselves if what we’re sharing is true can have a more nuanced meaning. Outside of asking ourselves if it’s literally truthful, we can also pause and ask if it is authentic.

Let’s say your partner overhears a snippet of a phone conversation you’re having and jumps to the conclusion that you were criticizing them when really you were voicing frustration about a colleague. Instead of reacting defensively, you can state the true context and even begin a conversation about why your partner would be so fearful of you talking about them behind their back. It could be an insecurity you need to know about! This not only applies to the first filter but offers an opportunity for authentic discussion and intimacy.

Or maybe you were complaining about your partner and need to address it with them. Before being brutally honest, though, be sure to apply the second filter…

Filter 2: Is it Good?

Beyond committing ourselves to being honest, now we need to evaluate the goodness of our communication. Is it kind, empathetic, and constructive? Here, Socrates invites us to infuse our words with respect and positivity, creating a ripple effect that contributes to a more compassionate and understanding social fabric. Kindness may not be easy to access in every interaction, but it is both possible and necessary. Kindness takes on many forms; it doesn’t necessarily mean being sweet; it can mean being decent; it can mean holding back a negative comment, speaking softly, or even just listening.

You know that awkward feeling that arises when you’re at a dinner—or, worse, a family gathering—and someone wanders into controversial discussion territory? Suddenly, heated words are flying, and things are getting a little personal! This is a time for the second filter. Even one person sharing respectfully and thoughtfully can instantly diffuse a tense moment.

Remember that old adage: if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all? That is foundational to this filter.

Filter 3: Is it Useful?

At this point in modern society, we are truly bombarded by a constant stream of information coming to us via endless platforms. Much of it is transient, superficial, and forgettable. Think about it: on any given day, what percentage of content that you take in is actually useful—or even necessary? Socrates’ third filter prompts us to evaluate the usefulness of our words and what we share. Is what we’re communicating relevant? By prioritizing utility, we can ensure our communication carries value and substance. This filter encourages us to distill our communication and conversations, centering them on meaning, positivity, and connection.

If a friend is lamenting to you about how their toddler won’t stop covering the walls with streaks of crayon, but you don’t even have kids, any advice you offer is probably not going to help! Praising their patience, empathizing with their frustration, and expressing your confidence in them would be way more useful.

The Stoics didn’t have Instagram, but their tools for effective communication can really serve us. By applying the principles of truth, goodness, and usefulness to our words, we can transform communication from a mere exchange into real dialogue that fosters understanding, connection, and positive change. I invite you to embrace this ancient wisdom in all of your interactions, striving for a more intentional and impactful way of communicating with one another. It might even change the way you speak to yourself, which is, after all, the most important relationship that you’ll ever have.

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Aquarius: Connection with a Cause

No challenge too big, passionately independent, and nothing can stop you… this is the energy of the month of Aquarius. It is time for all of us to go beyond our nature, to shift our perspective from limited to limitless, and to solve problems with a renewed consciousness. Aquarians are the rebels with a cause, and whether we were born under this sign or not, we will all get a chance to reinvent the status quo.

Aquarians are rebellious by nature, but they are also idealists. They are not seeking to create chaos but rather to change the world through original thinking and by defying convention. They are known in the cosmic realm to be a channel for improving the world—the do-gooders of the cosmos—standing for justice, challenging power structures, and speaking for those who cannot.

While this sounds absolutely marvelous, each sign comes with its own less charming attributes.

Contrary to cultural belief, Aquarians are actually the most stubborn of all the signs. (You’re welcome, Taurus!) These folks reject the establishment and fight tooth and nail to maintain their individuality. Their freedom is of the utmost importance, and they detest confinement of any sort. I know Aquarians quite well. My son and oldest sister were born under this sign, so take it from me, trying to tell an Aquarius what to do or how to do it is a fool’s errand. Their desire for freedom is equaled only by their pride. (Sorry, Leos, Aquarians take the prize here, too.) While they are known as the humanitarian of the zodiac, interpersonally, they can seem aloof.

This is why the challenge and focus this month—no matter the sign we are born under—is removing our pride and practicing radical empathy. This is the time to reexamine the ways we have let our ego run the show, even, and especially, when we are doing something “good.” Aquarians live for activism, and although they will move Heaven and Earth for a global cause, they very often lack a natural emotional connection with others. Often, this can be a gift. If, for example, an Aquarian’s humanitarianism is focused on providing aid to a war-torn country, emotional distance from the distress of hundreds in pain is a requirement. They wouldn’t be able to offer their practical and very needed help if they were a heaping mess of emotional overwhelm.

However, a majority of us are not on the front lines in our everyday lives, and fostering emotional connection in times of difficulty—or even times of celebration and joy—is a muscle we all can learn to flex.

As you welcome the new moon of Aquarius, ask how you may be pushing away those closest to you. Be mindful of treating everyone you meet with respect, giving the benefit of the doubt in every situation, and becoming aware of when you are withholding love and kindness. This is no easy feat; being brutally honest with ourselves about why we find it easier to be kind to one person and not another takes real humility. Seeing the world through the eyes of someone very different than you requires vulnerability and emotional intelligence. But it is the worthiest of causes.

How compassionate can you be with every person you meet—including yourself?

True spirituality means becoming one with humanity, not being above it. Challenge yourself this month to see the human being behind everyone in your life: your boss, your mother, your child. Where is the common humanity you share with your co-workers? The barista who makes your coffee? Your babysitter? The person you admire most? The unhoused person begging for money on the street corner?

How differently would you walk through the world knowing that you are not any better, nor are you any less deserving, than anyone else? Think about that for a moment. If nothing else changed except your awareness of your shared humanity with everyone, how would your day look?

My guess is that kindness would flow effortlessly, compassion would come naturally, and connection would be the order of the day. If we can all use the magic of empathy, vulnerability, and kindness, we could change the world. This is exactly what Aquarius aims to do. It is a beautiful irony. A perfect illustration of how going against your nature brings you the precise growth you are seeking.

My husband, Michael, illustrates this so perfectly and simply:

“Think about a world where the majority of people are listening and ready to help when they see a need or when they see a lack. One can imagine then that most of the pain and suffering can be eliminated. This is the world we must be striving and working towards.”

Aquarians want to change the world; they want to challenge faulty leadership and create an experience that is equal and supportive for everyone. I think it goes without saying this is something the world is in desperate need of… and all of us can do our part to usher it in. This month, we have the opportunity to do just that by acting on our big ideas but doing so with kindness and, as always, with our fellow humans in mind.

How do you want to change the world? How can you take action toward this that is based on compassion and kindness? Maybe it is striving to listen more, be more present for your loved ones, or give back to your community in a new way. Share your ideas with someone today; you never know where it might lead…

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When Hard Work Isn’t the Answer

Here we are in a brand new year! The haze of the holidays has once again come to a close, and we are looking outward and forward, imagining all the ways we’d like 2024 to unfold. Whether you make New Year’s resolutions, a list of goals, or set intentions, it’s safe to say that we all have something we’re working toward and that a solid action plan is probably already in place. But what if an action plan isn’t exactly the best way to achieve your goals? What if hard work is the opposite of what you’ll need for success?

In a world that glorifies hard work and perseverance, it might seem counterintuitive to suggest that hard work could be anything other than a virtue. However, relentless hard work in pursuit of goals—especially when it is without strategic thinking or balanced approaches—can lead to burnout, lackluster results, and very adverse effects on our well-being. Hard work is more nuanced than you think, and it doesn’t have to involve all-nighters, hours-long work days, or the deprioritization of rest, family time, or fun.

Now, I am certainly not advocating that we lounge around and dial our ambition all the way down. Working consistently toward our goals and dedicating ourselves to positive change is not only something I personally believe in, it’s also the path to our most fulfilling lives. But when hard work begins to deteriorate our overall experience of joy and happiness, it’s a sign we need to pivot. So, let’s explore a few other ways to achieve success and fulfillment that don’t include burning the midnight oil.

One unscheduled work day per week

This one has been really powerful for me personally, and I can attest to its life-changing potential! Burnout would usually come on Tuesday night. I would exhaust Monday and Tuesday completely—my work week would sometimes begin on a Saturday night and even parts of Sunday. By Wednesday, I felt like I had lost desire for most things…. Cue the game changer: an entirely unplanned Wednesday.

A friend of mine shared with me that after she had gotten a big promotion that added even more to her plate, her mentor told her to start planning nothing on [insert day] every week. No meetings, no appointments, zip. That way, she could fill the day with anything she felt compelled to do. She handed this sage advice over to me when I myself had gotten more responsibilities. So if on a Wednesday (my chosen day) I was in a chatty mood, I could make or take calls I needed to; if I felt introspective, I could write or study; if my kids were needing me, I could give some more time to them on that day.

Do the hardest tasks first

Mark Twain once said, “Eat a live frog in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” I think what he meant with this cheeky quote is that we should do the hardest task first. Our brains are at their most functional in the morning after a good night’s rest. If there are tasks that require more focus from you, set aside time in the morning to tackle them. This includes tasks that you’re avoiding or that are generally just harder to complete—like reorganizing your closet, restructuring your budget, or exercising.

Break tasks into bite-sized chunks

Instead of finishing an entire chapter of your novel in one sitting, commit to just writing two paragraphs. Instead of reorganizing your child’s toy bins, commit to just selecting the toys that are giveaways. Instead of jumping into a restrictive diet overnight, commit to a full day without eating processed foods or sugar. Release the idea of “finishing” or “perfecting” and embrace consistency and slow progress. Here is a helpful tip: spend no longer than one hour on a task a day. If you already struggle with focus, shoot for 30 minutes. The idea here is that progress beats perfection—and you’ll likely find that the goals are met faster than you think!

Schedule time to do nothing—every day

I can almost hear my fellow parents shouting, “Do nothing?! Impossible!” Trust me, it is possible, especially when you think of it as another part of your daily routine. Doing nothing, or “purposeful leisure time” as Aristotle referred to it, is any amount of time where we aren’t resting or working. It could mean taking a 15-minute walk without your phone. It could mean drinking your morning coffee with as much mindfulness as possible. It could mean setting your morning alarm 30 minutes earlier to allow you to ease into your day without distraction or demands. Taking these little breaks throughout your day can boost your productivity—not to mention your mental health—in miraculous ways and also gives you something to look forward to on days that are more stressful.

Offer yourself grace

The teachings of Kabbalah tell us in a myriad of ways that the process is actually the purpose. As you work toward your goals and dreams, remember that the ultimate achievement is who you become on your journey. This can help you to have grace with yourself when things don’t go as planned, when you don’t meet your deadlines, or when things are taking longer than you’d like. Our lives are a co-creation with the Universe, and when we can have trust and certainty in our path, it becomes less about working harder or being perfect and more about enjoying every moment as much as possible.

Understand the Law of Diminishing Returns

The law of diminishing returns is a bit like ordering your favorite pizza. Imagine you’re super hungry, and that first slice is amazing! The second one is still good but not as satisfying. As you keep eating, each additional slice gives you less happiness, and eventually, you might even feel sick. Now, apply this idea to other aspects of life, like working on a project. At first, putting in extra time and effort might boost your productivity. But there comes a point where working more doesn’t give you the same return; in fact, it almost seems to be the opposite. You might get tired, make more mistakes, and simply be less efficient. Work hard when it feels inspiring, and when it doesn’t, take a break. Your mind, body, and project will thank you!

Hard work will always play a vital role in achieving success, and there are times when it will be necessary, even inevitable. But it is important to understand the pitfalls of overdoing it; it is essential to recognize its limitations. At the end of the day, what we all want is more joy, more creativity, more connection with our loved ones, and a more fulfilling experience of life. And we can have all of those right now. The key lies in understanding when to work hard and when to step back. My wish for you in 2024 is that you measure your success in how many days you spend feeling healthy, feeling joyful, and feeling grateful.

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8th Candle of Chanukah: Leaning Into the Unknown

Join Monica as she shares stories and personal experiences illustrating how leaning into the unknown can connect us to the miraculous energy of Chanukah for the entire year.

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The Future’s Made in the Present

“Quit, don’t quit. Noodles, don’t noodles. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”

You may remember this quirky quote from Kung Fu Panda—that adorable movie about the clumsy panda who dreams of becoming a Kung Fu warrior. It is spoken to him (by a wise old turtle, of course) just as he’s about to give up on his dream… There are many things that I love about this, but right now, I’m thinking about the “yesterday, tomorrow, and the present” part. Of those three, only one is unchangeable: yesterday. The past is written; it no longer holds potential, and therefore, any energy we give to it is wasted. However, today and tomorrow—or the present and the future—are both completely alive with possibility! What a perspective to hold as we move through the final three days of the year. With the holidays over, we can pause to take stock of where we are and start to dream about where we want to go.

Interestingly, dreaming about the future—something social scientists refer to as “prospection”—has several psychological benefits and a few practical ones too. Since we’re all in various stages of prospecting at this time of year, let’s look at all the ways it can support us in making our future dreams a present reality.

It can help us achieve our goals—with a friendly dose of practicality

The present moment and the future are indestructibly and infinitely linked. What we do in the present moment builds out the future, yet when we set our goals and intentions, we often focus a little too heavily on the future and give less attention to what needs to shift or be dealt with in the here and now. At least, this is where researchers say we get caught. They call it “mental contrasting,” and it says, in essence, that those who had high expectations of being successful at something (like losing weight, for example) were less likely to achieve that goal if they weren’t also considering what they would need to overcome in order to reach it. I know, I know, who wants to visualize all the things that will get in the way of our dreams? However, being realistic about challenges is necessary for meaningful growth.

It is so easy to want to lose weight and imagine how amazing we’ll feel when we reach our goal… but bad habits like late-night snacking or missing exercise are not going to get us there!

The scientists behind this study created an adorable acronym to describe the method of success they witnessed in participants: WOOP! Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. It’s exactly as it sounds. You identify your wish, visualize the outcome, identify the obstacles you’ll likely face on the way there, and make a plan to overcome those obstacles.

Imagining our future helps us make more sage decisions

There’s always that person who says they want to run a marathon but drops out at the last minute. Or wants to write a novel but always seems to find a reason not to wake up early to write. This phenomenon is similar to something that researchers refer to as “delay discounting”—it is choosing smaller, more immediate rewards over larger ones that they would have to work or wait for. The simplest example of this is choosing the immediate gratification of comfort over the effort required to achieve a future goal.

When you imagine the fullest, most fulfilled version of yourself, what do you see? Write down those qualities, and imagine living an entire day as that fully realized expression of you. What are you eating, what are you wearing, how are you structuring your time, and what are you working on? Really connect to that future self today and see what behaviors you can bring into your present. Do this every day, and it will not only deter you from the trap of delay discounting, it will also help you become the best version of yourself, little by little, every day.

Finally, my favorite one: it makes us more kind

A 2018 study found that people were more likely to help others with daily snafus—like spilling coffee on themselves or forgetting to bring their wallet to a store—if they had first imagined helping someone in a similar situation.

When people were asked to really visualize how their help would impact someone else’s future experience, they were more and more likely to give their help. Visualizing how their financial aid would help victims of a natural disaster inspired people to give even more. Imagining how their kindness would impact the life of a stranger by actually dreaming of the ways it would make that person’s day brighter inspired study participants to do even more acts of kindness.

The more vivid the visualization was of how their help would be positively affecting someone else, even when that person was a complete stranger, the more likely they were to be kind and generous.

Dreaming of our future potential is a valuable exercise—one encouraged by science!—but without us applying change in the present, that future will remain nothing more than a vision. With only a few days left in 2023, I invite you into your own practice of prospection. Visualize who you want to become, get bold and brave about how you’re going to get there, and then imagine all the ways you can bring more kindness to those you meet along the way. I’m no scientist, but it seems like a guaranteed path to a future that is filled with generosity, fulfillment, and joy.

Here’s to a New Year filled with possibility…

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Poosh

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Which Foot Goes First?

Picture this: a centipede gracefully gliding through the meadow, its numerous legs moving in perfect harmony. But suddenly, it stops as an unexpected thought arises in its once-peaceful mind, bringing it to a grinding halt—which leg should it move first? As it tries to decide, it finds no leg feels just right to be the first. Each attempt proves to be just as futile as the last until, finally, its legs become a tangled mess of misdirection, and the centipede wonders if it must be the worst centipede in the world.

This conundrum is known as the Centipede’s Dilemma—a name derived from an 1881 poem—and serves as a humorous metaphor for the hindrance that comes from overthinking. Most especially from overthinking the things that come naturally to us.

What is overthinking exactly? Merriam-Webster defines it as “to think too much about something: to put too much time into thinking about or analyzing something in a way that is more harmful than helpful.” Safe to say we’ve all been there – a seemingly straightforward decision or action step turns quickly into a mental labyrinth. Over time, it robs us of focus, productivity, growth, sleep, and even our confidence.

According to a recent study by Forbes, a whopping 73% of 25-35-year-olds chronically overthink, along with 52% of those 45 years old and above. That’s quite an extensive cohort of tangled centipedes! Understanding different ways that we overthink can help us get back in control of our minds, and there are a few ways this sneaky thought loop can grip our minds.

Rumination: an obsessive replaying of past events—typically ones involving failures or mistakes.

Hypervigilance: constantly looking out for threats or assessing for dangers or risks.

Imposter Syndrome: consistently questioning your abilities when there is no real evidence of incompetence.

Generalized worry: imagining things that could go wrong, repeating mistakes, or preparing for worst-case scenarios.

So many limiting thought patterns could fall under the umbrella of overthinking, but one thing they all have in common is that they’re rarely accurate. Think again about the Centipede in the midst of its pickle: it has stopped walking because it’s overthinking its ability to walk. That’s about the silliest thing possible, isn’t it? What if you could look at your own overthinking with the same kind of levity?

Overthinking not only clouds our judgment but can also hinder our ability to enjoy the present moment. The more we dwell on ourselves and our choices, the more convoluted they become, leading us down a rabbit hole of uncertainty and paralysis.

So, how can we begin to stop overthinking in its tracks?

One word: simplicity.

Embrace the beauty of spontaneity, and remember that not every decision requires meticulous planning. Life is a dance, and sometimes, it’s okay not to know every step in advance. Think of your most memorable moments. Just let a few pop into your mind right now. How much of that moment was planned or orchestrated by you? My guess is little to none.

Letting go of our preconceived notions and embracing the spontaneity of the present leads us out of the loop of overthinking and into the magic of life. Rather than obsessing over the “perfect” choice, relish the joy of the unexpected. For those of you who are already overthinking how you’ll let go of overthinking, here are a few tips:

Breathe and Ground. Take a moment to breathe deeply and ground yourself in the present. Mindful breathing can help calm the storm of thoughts swirling in your mind. Even just saying to yourself out loud, “I am overthinking right now,” can help you calm your thoughts.

Set Realistic Expectations. Understand that not every decision needs an exhaustive analysis. Allow yourself the freedom to make choices without demanding perfection.

Embrace Imperfection. Life is beautifully imperfect, and its imperfections often give way to the most exhilarating experiences. Embrace the small flaws and imperfections, knowing that they add character and uniqueness to your journey—and to you.

Laugh at Yourself! Humor is a powerful antidote to overthinking. Learn to laugh at the absurdity of the centipede moments in your life.

As we navigate the messy, awe-inspiring dance of life, let’s not get caught in the web of our own personal Centipede’s Dilemma. Embrace the simplicity, find joy and meaning in the unscripted, and allow yourself the freedom to enjoy the beauty of the present moment.

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