Monica Berg's Blog, page 14

Purim: Personal Joy = Global Healing

For the last two months, I have been talking about Pisces and the energy of joy and fulfillment. Yep, we got a two-month dose of Light this year—double the amount of time to enact a consciousness of blessings, goodness, and happiness.

Whether it’s the standard single month of Pisces or one of the years we are blessed with two, we have the opportunity to get really honest with ourselves about what it is that makes us truly happy. Ironically, this isn’t always easy or clear! Even more challenging is the step that follows once we do get clear: speaking up and asking for those things that we deeply want.

Calling in our blessings and manifesting the most joyful experiences, though, begins here. Once we take these steps, we get to practice saying a big “yes” to our blessings—and saying “no” to anything that undermines them.

The holiday of Purim falls in the month of Pisces for this exact reason. The gift of Purim is one of abundant Light and the complete removal of negativity—negativity which comes from our innate human desire to receive for the self alone. Purim is the energetic annihilation of that darkness, both personally and globally.

On Purim, we are able to remove everything that impedes us from opening our hearts, giving, and receiving. And I’m talking about removal at the source—the place where all of our worry, fear, and doubt stem from.

Imagine for a moment what it might feel like to have all negativity totally erased.

On a personal level, this might mean having optimal health or being free from judgment. It might look like all of your relationships are being restored to love and harmony. It could be the healing of past traumas, a strong sense of self-love, or an endless flow of compassion. It might look like professional opportunities, financial abundance, more time with family and friends, or the actualization of something you have been dreaming about.

On a global scale, it looks like equal rights for all. It would mean a world without violence and hunger and the end of racism, oppression, and corruption. It would mean the eradication of evil speech, malicious gossip, and dishonesty. Families would all be loving, neighbors would be accepting of each other, and no one would live in fear. A world where everyone’s needs are met, and kindness is extended.

It is a world that is possible, and it is why Purim is called the day of joy.

When it comes to our personal dreams, we can state our intentions and ask for what we want. We can work with the Creator to bring our dreams to fruition and can put plans in place to accomplish our goals. But our global dreams are different. Things like ending conflicts between people and nations, ending famine, eradicating poverty of income and spirit, creating unity between people, and removing sickness and pain? How could we possibly begin to remove these things?

The answer is simple: joyfulness.

Committing to our personal joy can serve as a powerful catalyst for healing in the world at large. Our individual commitment acts like a pebble dropped into water, creating ripples that extend far beyond the initial splash. When we prioritize our happiness, we cultivate a sense of inner peace and satisfaction that radiates outward, influencing our interactions and the atmosphere around us. This positive energy can then inspire others to embark on their journeys of self-discovery and healing. Before we know it, an entire population of people is radiating positivity.

More than that, joy fuels compassion and empathy, enabling us to connect with others on a deeper level and support them in their times of need. In essence, by nurturing our own joy, we contribute to the collective well-being, fostering an environment where understanding, kindness, and healing can flourish. This chain reaction underscores the undeniable interconnectedness of individual happiness and global healing. Put simply, personal fulfillment can indeed be a profound force for change in the world.

Purim opens the gate between you and the blessings that you most need in your life. Practice connecting to joy, even when your circumstances might not feel joyful. If this feels counterintuitive at first, you can always ask the Creator to grant you the power to be happy even in the midst of difficulty and adversity, even in the midst of seeming chaos.

As you prepare to celebrate Purim, make a commitment to cultivate your happiness, nurture your joy, and smile as often as possible. This is our unique power, one we can use to remove the darkness we see around us and infuse all people, places, and things with immense beauty and joy.

Take time today to acknowledge the blessings, gifts, and all of the joy present in your life. Allow yourself to fully receive all of the good in your life, allow it to fill you so completely that sharing becomes the driving force in all the things that you do.

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Feeling Anxious?

Anxiety can be a challenging and deeply frustrating experience, impacting our lives in numerous ways, from sleepless nights to days filled with worry. So many of us are juggling multiple roles—career, family, relationships—each with its own set of demands and stressors. It’s no wonder that anxiety sneaks in, often without us even realizing it until we’re already in the throes of a heart-pumping, take-your-breath-away moment of panic.

Stress is one thing; anxiety is another. When we feel stress, it is typically in response to an external cause like a tight deadline or a relational conflict. Anxiety, on the other hand, is almost always an internal experience and is characterized by a feeling of apprehension or dread. It doesn’t relent once the external factor has been resolved, the way stress does, and can persist even in times of ease—sometimes becoming worse. It calls to mind the kabbalist’s view of the 1% world of form and the 99% realm of the unseen. Stress is a response to the 1%, and when we enact stress-resolving techniques like deep breathing, our inner experience returns to neutral.

It may not feel like it, but this is actually good news! With the right strategy, anxiety can not only be managed but can significantly decrease over time with practice and patience. I don’t believe in suffering, but I’m aware of how debilitating anxiety can be, which is why being proactive about our mental health is a commitment to self-care. There are always ways to meet life’s challenges with a fearless and open mind. To even find moments of peace and joy amidst your most seemingly chaotic experiences. Even better, these are scientifically supported anxiety hacks!

But first and foremost, we have to understand and become aware of our anxiety. Anxiety isn’t just feeling nervous or worried; it’s a very real response to stress. It can manifest in different ways, such as physical symptoms (heart palpitations, sweating) or emotional (feeling on edge, restlessness). Recognizing how it shows up for you is the first step in dismantling and eventually eradicating it. On to the science!

Mindfulness (Maybe Even Meditation?)

“Mindfulness” has become a very buzzy word, but it can never be reduced to a trend. Meditation, for example, has been shown to have significant benefits for mental health. According to a meta-analysis published in JAMA Internal Medicine, mindfulness meditation programs had moderate evidence of improved anxiety, depression, and pain. The practice involves focusing on the present moment and acknowledging your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This type of meditative practice can reduce the stress response in the brain and foster a sense of peace. If classic meditation makes you feel stressed, though, try something else! There are many ways to be mindful: taking a walk (more on that next!), listening to relaxing music, and counting your breaths are all forms of mindfulness.

Hit the Gym, the Dance Class, or the Pavement!

Physical exercise is not just a pathway to physical health—it has an equally profound effect on our mental health as well. Countless studies show that it acts as a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment by releasing endorphins, chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers and mood elevators. A simple Google search will front-load hundreds of scientific studies that speak to how regular physical activity significantly decreases symptoms of anxiety, but I’ll share this one: researchers at the University of Colorado found that 5-minute walks throughout the day were more potent for study subjects than a 30-minute walk at the start of the day. Five minutes! If that’s all the time you’ve got, science says it’s more than enough!

Snack on Raw Fruits and Veggies!

This is a delicious tool for combatting anxiety, and it requires little to no prep work at all. Researchers in New Zealand conducted a study of both New Zealanders and Americans that focused on the benefits of eating raw fruits and vegetables vs. cooked or processed. It likely won’t surprise you, but munching on fruits and vegetables of the raw variety decreased depressive symptoms in subjects over time and significantly elevated their mood. Want to know the foods that had the biggest impact? Carrots, bananas, apples, dark leafy greens like spinach, grapefruit, lettuce, citrus fruits, fresh berries, cucumber, and kiwi.

You’ll notice that all of these tried-tested-and-true tips for combating anxiety have something profound in common.

They all require us to take good care of ourselves and to prioritize ourselves, our moods, our health, and our minds. Anxiety is an inner experience, but it usually arises when we’re placing too much focus and importance on things outside of us—and outside of our control. Our experience of life starts within, and when anxiety arises, we can see it for what it actually is—not a sign that everything is going horribly wrong, but more of an alarm that we need to come back to ourselves.

Kabbalah teaches that we are co-creating our lives with the Creator. It isn’t just the Creator leading the way for us, and it certainly isn’t us leading the way on our own. Having trust in the process of our lives—no matter how difficult and frightening life can seem—means we are also placing certainty in the Creator. This practice isn’t just for drawing down blessings, enacting the miraculous, or observing holidays. The Creator is in every element of our daily lives, including the not-so-fantastical things like deadlines, school schedules, home renovations, and, yes, email inboxes.

Meeting life on life’s terms sometimes means facing stressful and overwhelming moments. These times are meant to assist us in growing and transforming, not to cause us meaningless suffering. There will be zigs and zags, but there will also be beautiful, exhilarating experiences, too. Especially when you trust the process and have certainty in the Creator… and maybe take a short, sweet walk.

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Pisces II: Genuine Joy vs. Toxic Positivity

During the summer of 2020, the height of the coronavirus pandemic, a massive joy bomb was dropped—on Apple TV in the form of an infinitely positive underdog, an American football coach hired to lead a failing UK soccer team to glory. Yes, I am referring to Ted Lasso. At the time, the show was lauded as a loveable outlier in the midst of gritty dramas and apocalyptic sci-fi shows, to say nothing of the fact that the beaming happiness of this little show was something everyone needed. It was a reminder that no matter how hopeless things seem, anything is possible when we believe in ourselves.

Over six episodes, we watch Ted bounce back from, well, everything. Stand-offs with his players, negative press, a town that lowkey hates him, and his wife’s admission that she wants a divorce. No matter what is thrown his way, he’s got a sunny perspective and a sweet Southern quip ready to go. How does he do it? Put simply, he doesn’t. Towards the end of the first season, we see Ted in a private moment, huddled in his apartment, alone, suffering a major anxiety attack. It is here that Ted Lasso stops being just a joyful comedy and starts showing us the dark side of what psychologists call “toxic positivity,” the act of avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions.

Many understand toxic positivity as something that we project onto others—offering encouraging statements that we hope will minimize or eliminate painful emotions. However, this only serves to create pressure to be unrealistically optimistic without considering the circumstances of the situation. If we do it to others, though, we likely are also doing it to ourselves.

This week, we welcome the second New Moon in Pisces, a month the kabbalists teach is filled with joy and light. It is, after all, the month in which we celebrate the holiday of Purim. Purim beckons our joy. It brings us the gift of the removal of all negativity—which comes from our innate human desire to receive for the self alone. Purim is the complete annihilation of this darkness, both personally and globally. It is, as Rav Berg wrote, “a special cosmic occurrence that allows for the revelation of Light,” and it is taught that on Purim, you can transform any negativity.

However, we can’t transform something that we don’t acknowledge. We can’t shift something if we’re pretending it isn’t there. And we certainly won’t create the happiness we desire by trying to push away our anger or sadness.

The negative emotions we experience are our best tools to signal that something needs to change, but when we spend too much time and effort repressing or ignoring them, we’re not only saying “no” to our own evolution, we’re actually making our pain even more unbearable.

Emotions like sadness, grief, frustration, or anger are signals that we have experienced a significant loss or that it’s time to reevaluate some aspects of our lives. They help us to see and, more importantly, feel when it’s time to make a new choice. Instead of rejecting these feelings or judging them as “bad,” we can use them to shine a light on areas that need attention.

Obstacles and challenges will inevitably find us in life; it’s part and parcel of our growth. Our reactions and perspectives are the real key, the decider between experiencing genuine joy or toxic positivity. Ultimately, we choose how to frame what is happening and how we feel about it, and while this can bring up some heavy emotions, that’s actually a good thing!

A small study from Olin University showed that being comfortable experiencing and expressing mixed emotions was a predictor of improvements in well-being. Paradoxically, ignoring or evading negative feelings was associated with a decline in happiness.

“We found that those participants who were making meaning out of their experiences with a mixture of happiness and sadness actually showed increases in their psychological well-being, compared to people who were just reporting sadness, just reporting happiness or some other mixture of emotions,” Jonathan Adler, Olin assistant professor of psychology and one of the study’s authors remarked. “It seems that there is something to be gained for your mental health in taking both the good and the bad together.”

Feel the emotions, whatever they may be, without repression, without fear, and without judgment. Try to see the more challenging emotions as pathways to even greater experiences of happiness instead of the absence of it.

There is a beautiful practice that you can try that literally embodies this idea. A study out of UCLA Health found that conscious dance—a form of unchoreographed, intuitive dance—produced mental health benefits for the vast majority of participants struggling with chronic depression, anxiety, and trauma. By allowing themselves to dance ecstatically through their heavy emotions, they were able to move them and find peace on the other side. The best part? Anyone can do it anywhere, any time. Simply create a playlist of songs that you love, set aside 20 minutes (or even just 5!), and, with your eyes closed, allow your body to move any way it wants to, feeling any emotions or sensations that arise and releasing them with your movement.

Joy is our birthright; we have access to it in every moment—and even more abundantly during the month of Pisces. But this doesn’t mean that we don’t also get to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Pushing away any emotion means pushing away the good stuff, too, and that helps no one! See every feeling as the message it’s meant to be, allow your emotions to flow through you like your breath, and watch as your joy and happiness actually grow exponentially as a result.

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Poosh

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Women’s Circle – Your Life Unlimited: Part 1

In Part 1 of this special Women’s Circle, Monica shares examples from personal experiences as she discusses the first four of seven life lessons that she originally wrote for her daughters. We learn how internalizing and actualizing these ideas can lead us to happiness, fulfillment and becoming a positive influence on everyone around us.

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How to Experience a Miracle Now

Take a moment right now to think about what it is in your life that you are really wanting to experience. Take a deep breath, close your eyes for a minute if you can, and imagine the things you desire.

Is it a soulmate relationship? Is it landing your dream job? More time to spend with your kids? A financial miracle? A health miracle? Whatever it is, create the picture in your mind with clarity.

Got it? Good.

Now, what if I told you that what you want isn’t even the tip of the iceberg of the level of miracles that are waiting for you? That what you imagined is truly only a fraction of what is actually possible for you? Miracles exist in the unseen realms, in a dimension of pure potential and possibility. Even when I asked you to imagine what you want to experience, you’re likely forming that picture based on what you personally believe is possible.

But what if even your wildest vision for your life, your greatest dream, was not only possible, but it was waiting for you just around the corner? I’m here to tell you that it is, and the only thing in the way is: you.

Today is Leap Day, and this extra day that is granted to us every four years is a sweet opportunity to become a vessel for the miraculous. Miracles are active, they require our participation and sometimes, our effort. They certainly aren’t just doled out by the Universe based on merit. They arrive for those who show up, who are open, spiritually hungry, and filled with appreciation.

Many of us don’t think of miracles as being practical, right? Creating miracles in your life may sound like a concept straight out of a fairy tale, but in reality, it’s actually about making profound and positive changes. There is a formula for co-creating the miraculous, and it requires boldness, practicality, and a shift in perspective.

Start with opening your eyes

Think about the way you feel when your child hugs you. The rush of love and appreciation for not only the fact that someone loves you that much but that you’re right there receiving it. Miracle. The bed you snuggle into at night, the world of color that your eyes allow you to experience, the friends and family and people in your life who support and inspire you. All miracles.

Recognizing the miracles that are already all around us is a transformative practice. This alone can help cure the spiritual laziness we often get stuck in. It’s easy to write gratitude lists and journal about your desires without actually feeling them and owning them. By slowing down and cultivating a mindset of appreciation, we can begin to notice and cherish these miracles, large and small. This is the first step to aligning with the miraculous.

Acknowledge the miracle of what didn’t happen

My father-in-law, Rav Berg, told me a story once that I still think about. A student came to him once, so excited, and recounted the experience he had had on his way to Shabbat. “I woke up this morning, and on my way here to Shabbat, I got into a car accident! But miraculously, no one was hurt! My car doesn’t even have a scratch on it! It was a miracle!” The Rav looked at him and said, “That is a miracle! And you know, I woke up today and also headed here this morning, and I didn’t get into a car accident. That is a miracle, too!”

Miracles can also apply to things that we may have wanted but didn’t get. It seems counterintuitive to think of some of our deepest desires going unmanifested as miracles, but in hindsight, you’ll likely find this to be true. Garth Brooks, the country music legend, had a song called “Unanswered Prayers” chart at Number One on the Billboard Charts in 1991. In an interview, he shared that the inspiration for the song came from him and his wife running into his high school ex-girlfriend at a football game. This woman had been the unrequited love of his life for many years, but he was now in the real marriage of his dreams with his wife. He described having “the unshakable awareness that what you have is the best for you.”

Be of radical service

Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. If we want to receive radically, we can begin by giving radically. Giving to an uncomfortable degree. Becoming so generous that people are gobsmacked! You don’t have to be a billionaire to give extravagantly, and generosity doesn’t have to be about money. Generosity can be giving your time through volunteering or through supporting a friend. It can be donating things that are collecting dust in your home, but could be the exact thing someone else needs. It can simply be a generosity of spirit, offering kindness and positivity to every person you cross paths with.

Being of service to others is a pathway to creating miracles not just in the lives of those we help but in our own lives as well. It opens our hearts, enriches our spirits, and transforms our existence in ways that bring joy, fulfillment, and a profound sense of connection to the world around us. Through service, we discover that the true miracle is in the giving itself, and in doing so, we invite an abundance of blessings into our lives.

The topic of miracles is one that I will never miss an opportunity to expand on. Leap Day may be a fun occasion, but why not see it as an invitation to remember that the miraculous is possible every day? Because, indeed, every day is a miracle. They may be filled with mundane events, but if you look closely, they aren’t so mundane after all. I offer you this invitation: every day write down one miracle that you experience. You’ll be amazed at how they add up.

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Feeling Insecure? Here are Two Questions for You

Insecurity.

It’s no fun. And even the most empowered and self-assured among us encounter insecurity from time to time. It’s sneaky that way… Insecurity is a subtler form of fear, and we often operate from insecurity without ever realizing we are doing so.

While fear is an uncertainty about what could happen as a result of a perceived threat, insecurity is an uncertainty we have about ourselves—a lack of security about our worthiness, our skills, or our capability to meet certain challenges.

Insecurity can look like any one of the following:

● Anxiety
● Fear of abandonment or rejection
● Imposter syndrome
● Extreme self-sufficiency
● Suppression of emotions
● Inability to express anger
● Harsh self-criticism
● Perfectionism
● Comparison to others

Have you ever “let something go” that you probably shouldn’t have in relationships or the workplace? And if I had to guess, you didn’t bring it up because you felt the risk of a negative outcome was too high. We owe ourselves self-advocacy. We deserve to express our desires, set boundaries, and create a life that supports us. And yet, for many of us, we are far more inclined to advocate on behalf of others.

Does this sound familiar? “I procrastinate with confrontational things and uncomfortable conversations. I’ll give myself a deadline. And then I’ll change that deadline when that deadline shows up.”

Relatable? Maybe you’ve said this to a friend as you’ve tried to sort out just how to approach a stressful situation.

Insecurity is the culprit, and while that statement might feel innocuous enough, that response over time can become incredibly detrimental. What may seem like mild avoidance in one instance can grow into a massive blindspot and long-term stagnation. It’s also important to know that there are many different kinds of insecurity, and understanding how and when it can arise for you will better support you in facing and dismantling it.

Psychologists have identified that insecurities fall into one of six categories:

1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Social
4. Financial
5. Intellectual
6. Relational

Interestingly, for something that can creep in anywhere, insecurity is made, not born. It certainly has a psychological component, but it typically arises from an outside source early in our lives— a message, a thought pattern, a belief that we took on as the result of a person or event. Understanding this can help us stop it in its tracks the moment we recognize it’s happening.

Before we go on, I’ll say it right here: while the source may seem external, this is a purely inside job. If you consistently think you’ll feel confident once you achieve something or look a certain way, I’m here to burst your bubble.

The kabbalists teach that what we see on the outside, in the material world, is a mere 1% of our entire experience. Not even close to the full picture. The other 99% resides in the unseen realms—our inner experience, our consciousness, beliefs, emotions, and perspectives. Shifts made in the 99% realm are what create shifts out in the 1% world of form. When we are overly focused on the outside, this is when we get stuck, frozen in a loop of insecure thoughts and beliefs. Want an example of how powerful the 99% experience is?

That quote I shared above about putting off uncomfortable conversations comes from none other than Oprah Winfrey in an interview she did with Fast Company in 2015. Arguably one of the most successful women in history, her outer world would be everything most people think they need in order never to feel insecure again! And yet, insecurity does not escape her. She doesn’t allow it to control her, though, and in the interview, she described the two questions she asks herself when those insecure feelings arise. They are not unlike the many tools I offer to eradicate fear from our daily experiences and can be used whenever you’re feeling the chilly grip of insecurity:

1. What’s the worst that’s going to happen here?

When you’re feeling insecure or anxious about a situation, pause for a moment and ask yourself, “What’s the worst that’s going to happen here?” By doing this, you’re stepping outside of the immediate emotional response and encouraging critical thinking about the actual consequences of the situation. Often, you’ll find that the worst-case scenario is either highly unlikely or something you can handle. Even this realization can significantly minimize the intensity of those insecure feelings. Here’s a step-by-step guide to approaching this:

Identify the Fear: Clearly define what you’re insecure about. Is it fear of failure, embarrassment, or fear of losing an important relationship? Get really clear on what you’re fearing will happen.

Imagine the Worst-Case Scenario: Think about the absolute worst outcome that could realistically happen. Be specific in your analysis and really lean into making it as horrible as you can imagine! This one is counterintuitive because one of the tools to stop fear in its tracks is to stop catastrophizing. Here’s the difference, though: if you consciously and mindfully catastrophize, you should realize just how ridiculous and unlikely that outcome is. If this tool doesn’t work for you, try the opposite. Instead, visualize the best possible outcome.

Plan for the Worst: Even if you feel it’s unlikely, you can still plan ahead. What are the things you could do to handle the worst-case scenario?

Remember, You’ll Bounce Back: Things are rarely as awful as we imagine they’ll be. Winston Churchill put it eloquently, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”

2. Why do I fear this experience?

This follow-up question serves to get to the root of the insecurity, which is the first step in eradicating it. It is a powerful technique for confronting and understanding why certain people and situations bring up insecurities. Beneath the insecurity is an array of negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs that may need to be examined, and this question is the door to that exploration.

Why do I fear having a difficult conversation?Why am I afraid of giving this presentation?Why am I afraid to ask this person on a date?Why am I resisting taking action on this?Why do the photos of that influencer’s perfect house make me feel bad?

This self-reflective approach also helps to build a greater sense of control over your emotional responses—the key to diminishing your insecurities’ powers over time. When you can ask these questions, you’re inviting rational thought into the mix, which also helps you view the situation from a grounded, intellectual place.

Insecurity is something we’ll all face—you, me, Oprah—but training yourself to see it as an opportunity instead of a defect will help you transform it into growth. Coming face-to-face with our insecurities removes their power over us, and when we can rise to difficult occasions, we’re saying yes to our transformation. Our greatest life requires a willingness to be uncomfortable, and being able to confront and manage the voices of insecurities is a part of the process. Can insecurity really hold us back to this degree? It absolutely can. But only when we allow it.

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Once Upon a Beach in Mexico…

It’s Valentine’s Day week! A time for celebrating the romance in our lives—candlelit dinners, roses, chocolates, and whispers of sweet nothings…

Well, that’s what movies, TV, and social media ads would have us think, anyway. Valentine’s Day isn’t something everyone looks forward to, partnered or not. For single people, it can feel like a day that doesn’t belong to them, and for those partnered, it can be an expectation rollercoaster that ends in disappointment (though it certainly needn’t be!) When it’s all said and done, Valentine’s Day is just another day, but the effort you put into your relationship—no matter who it’s with—is something that matters every day.

I have written and spoken about relationships extensively, and many of you know my approach to the topic of love is more practical than whimsical. While I believe in experiences of deep romance and sweeping emotion, I also know that love takes work, intention, commitment, and an ability to rethink everything.

This is probably because of how I met my soulmate.

I was on a secluded beach in Mexico, attending the wedding of a close friend who was sixteen years my senior. The small group of guests was almost all couples in their mid-thirties.

Being only twenty-one years old, I felt out of place. The only other person my age was my future husband, Michael, the son of the officiating Rabbi. I had met Michael before, just in passing, and being the only two people of a similar age thrown together for a weekend, you’d think we would have naturally gravitated toward each other—but that was not the case.

The day after the wedding, all the guests were outside enjoying the beach. Everywhere I looked, there was something exciting happening: parasailers, runners, children making sandcastles, and sunbathers sipping frozen cocktails adorned with tiny umbrellas. As I was taking it all in, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my shoulders, something struck me. I may have felt out of place, but Michael looked out of place. There he sat, uncomfortable and miserable, studying an ancient text in Aramaic in the heat, desperately trying to cover his entire body, including his head, with a towel. I remember feeling really confused. I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t just go sit in the shade somewhere and put an end to his misery. In hindsight, I realized that he was trying to be part of the group, which didn’t come naturally to him. I can say with absolute certainty that on that day, I did not recognize him as my future husband, let alone my soulmate.

I would love to say that the first time I encountered Michael was life-changing, but in reality, it was more of a thud than a bang.

We spent our time very differently in the first part of our lives. For me, there was no walking and reading; it was more like drinking and dancing. At 17, attending Beverly Hills High School, I was a free spirit. I drove my Jeep Wrangler around town, my long, curly hair blowing in the wind. I lived in Levi’s and motorcycle boots. Michael was 18 at the time, and he didn’t just read books. He inhaled them. He didn’t put much importance on superficial things, so wearing black pants and a white shirt every day suited him just fine.

The differences between Michael and I were obvious, from how we dressed, to how we spent our time, to how we grew up—he was born in Jerusalem and lived an Orthodox Jewish life, whereas I was born in Louisiana and, although raised Jewish, sang a lot of Christmas carols growing up. That day on the beach in Mexico, I was relying solely on my five senses, and because of that, I couldn’t see that we had anything in common at all.

I tell you this story not only because I enjoy recounting how Michael and I met but because it’s a perfect example of how our soulmates are rarely who we think they will be. I can tell you with certainty that if God himself had told me that Michael was my soul mate, I wouldn’t have believed it! Today, we have four beautiful children, a thriving 26-year-long marriage, and enough memories to last several lifetimes.

Valentine’s Day (and week) is not just for soulmates and couples. It’s a time that we can bring focus to all the varying versions of love in our lives—most especially with ourselves. Michael and I may have met as diametrically opposed young adults but through the spiritual work we’ve done, we reveal more and more love with each passing year. It isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. This kind of love is our birthright, and I am here to remind you it is available and possible no matter where you are on your journey.

If you are single, see yourself as your one true soulmate. Admire yourself the way you wish a partner would, get curious about you, and see yourself through the eyes of love. What changes? What do you discover?

If you are partnered, spend the day believing that your partner is your one true match. Your soulmate. Admire them, get curious about them, ask them questions (especially ones you think you know the answer to!), and look at them as though for the very first time. What shifts? Can you feel a greater connection?

What we bring to our relationships is more important than anything else, and the love in our lives begins with us.

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Mishpatim: Seeing Ourselves as Eternal Light

Monica teaches that we are not just the last good or bad thing that we have done, but a culmination of all the Light we have revealed in every lifetime. When we see ourselves in this way, we can rise above our challenges and continue adding to our eternal Light.

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Holding a State of Joy No Matter What

Join Monica as she shares how we can build the strength to create our own joy no matter what we may be feeling, seeing or experiencing.

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