Monica Berg's Blog, page 15
February 14, 2024
Once Upon a Beach in Mexico…
It’s Valentine’s Day week! A time for celebrating the romance in our lives—candlelit dinners, roses, chocolates, and whispers of sweet nothings…
Well, that’s what movies, TV, and social media ads would have us think, anyway. Valentine’s Day isn’t something everyone looks forward to, partnered or not. For single people, it can feel like a day that doesn’t belong to them, and for those partnered, it can be an expectation rollercoaster that ends in disappointment (though it certainly needn’t be!) When it’s all said and done, Valentine’s Day is just another day, but the effort you put into your relationship—no matter who it’s with—is something that matters every day.
I have written and spoken about relationships extensively, and many of you know my approach to the topic of love is more practical than whimsical. While I believe in experiences of deep romance and sweeping emotion, I also know that love takes work, intention, commitment, and an ability to rethink everything.
This is probably because of how I met my soulmate.
I was on a secluded beach in Mexico, attending the wedding of a close friend who was sixteen years my senior. The small group of guests was almost all couples in their mid-thirties.
Being only twenty-one years old, I felt out of place. The only other person my age was my future husband, Michael, the son of the officiating Rabbi. I had met Michael before, just in passing, and being the only two people of a similar age thrown together for a weekend, you’d think we would have naturally gravitated toward each other—but that was not the case.
The day after the wedding, all the guests were outside enjoying the beach. Everywhere I looked, there was something exciting happening: parasailers, runners, children making sandcastles, and sunbathers sipping frozen cocktails adorned with tiny umbrellas. As I was taking it all in, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my shoulders, something struck me. I may have felt out of place, but Michael looked out of place. There he sat, uncomfortable and miserable, studying an ancient text in Aramaic in the heat, desperately trying to cover his entire body, including his head, with a towel. I remember feeling really confused. I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t just go sit in the shade somewhere and put an end to his misery. In hindsight, I realized that he was trying to be part of the group, which didn’t come naturally to him. I can say with absolute certainty that on that day, I did not recognize him as my future husband, let alone my soulmate.
I would love to say that the first time I encountered Michael was life-changing, but in reality, it was more of a thud than a bang.
We spent our time very differently in the first part of our lives. For me, there was no walking and reading; it was more like drinking and dancing. At 17, attending Beverly Hills High School, I was a free spirit. I drove my Jeep Wrangler around town, my long, curly hair blowing in the wind. I lived in Levi’s and motorcycle boots. Michael was 18 at the time, and he didn’t just read books. He inhaled them. He didn’t put much importance on superficial things, so wearing black pants and a white shirt every day suited him just fine.
The differences between Michael and I were obvious, from how we dressed, to how we spent our time, to how we grew up—he was born in Jerusalem and lived an Orthodox Jewish life, whereas I was born in Louisiana and, although raised Jewish, sang a lot of Christmas carols growing up. That day on the beach in Mexico, I was relying solely on my five senses, and because of that, I couldn’t see that we had anything in common at all.
I tell you this story not only because I enjoy recounting how Michael and I met but because it’s a perfect example of how our soulmates are rarely who we think they will be. I can tell you with certainty that if God himself had told me that Michael was my soul mate, I wouldn’t have believed it! Today, we have four beautiful children, a thriving 26-year-long marriage, and enough memories to last several lifetimes.
Valentine’s Day (and week) is not just for soulmates and couples. It’s a time that we can bring focus to all the varying versions of love in our lives—most especially with ourselves. Michael and I may have met as diametrically opposed young adults but through the spiritual work we’ve done, we reveal more and more love with each passing year. It isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. This kind of love is our birthright, and I am here to remind you it is available and possible no matter where you are on your journey.
If you are single, see yourself as your one true soulmate. Admire yourself the way you wish a partner would, get curious about you, and see yourself through the eyes of love. What changes? What do you discover?
If you are partnered, spend the day believing that your partner is your one true match. Your soulmate. Admire them, get curious about them, ask them questions (especially ones you think you know the answer to!), and look at them as though for the very first time. What shifts? Can you feel a greater connection?
What we bring to our relationships is more important than anything else, and the love in our lives begins with us.
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February 10, 2024
Mishpatim: Seeing Ourselves as Eternal Light
Monica teaches that we are not just the last good or bad thing that we have done, but a culmination of all the Light we have revealed in every lifetime. When we see ourselves in this way, we can rise above our challenges and continue adding to our eternal Light.
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February 9, 2024
Holding a State of Joy No Matter What
Join Monica as she shares how we can build the strength to create our own joy no matter what we may be feeling, seeing or experiencing.
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February 7, 2024
Authentic Communication Breeds Joy
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February 6, 2024
Pisces I: Tending the Soil
“Constant pleasure isn’t pleasurable.” –Baal Shem Tov
Have you ever heard of topsoil? The literal definition is the uppermost portion of soil in a garden, yard, or field. Okay, simple enough. But to climate scientists, topsoil is revered as the most valuable substance on Earth—a manifestation of pure magic. From nourishing our foods to sustaining our plant life to storing massive amounts of carbon, the 2-8 inches of soil below your feet is teeming with diverse microbial life that is responsible for nurturing all life on Earth. Jane Zelikova, a climate change scientist, gave an entire TedTalk aptly called “The Hidden Wonders of Soil” and described the soil as “the literal foundation of life on this planet.”
And it’s composed almost entirely of decaying organic matter.
Growth and decay are opposing forces in the natural world, but one simultaneously begets the other. Growth may represent vitality and healing, but—as evidenced by the life-giving power of topsoil—in order for growth to take place effectively, if at all, decay is necessary. Our lives are in a similar dance of polarity. According to Kabbalah, desire is a gift from the Creator and leads us to profound experiences of fulfillment and joy. However, constant happiness quickly becomes an illusion, a trap that keeps us disconnected from our true selves and from the spiritual realm.
The theme of duality—and, indeed, of happiness!—figures largely into the energy of the month of Pisces. It’s the Hebrew month of Adar, the twelfth and last month of the lunar calendar falling under the zodiac sign of Pisces, which is considered the month to stabilize the year ahead. Every so often, the month of Pisces will repeat in a calendar year giving us a leap year of sorts, an extra dose of the joy and happiness from the Supernal world that the kabbalists encouraged us to draw down during these four weeks.
The energy of Pisces is available to us to increase and expand our happiness but also to remind us that our challenges serve not just to grow us but to grow our appreciation and gratitude as well. Rav Brandwein explains that the moment we can know and live with the consciousness that true happiness is a gift from the Creator and that this gift comes by way of changing ourselves is the moment when we can maintain that level of joy in our lives no matter how difficult the challenge.
Every situation is, in fact, an opportunity to change. And every challenge serves to strengthen and cultivate meaning throughout our lives. Returning to the transformational metaphor of topsoil, we welcome the joy and happiness of spring, and as our manifestations wane and wilt, their “death” becomes the fertile ground for our next harvest to bloom.
Think of it this way: a life in which every desire is instantly gratified and every pleasure is always available leaves no room for longing, seeking, or yearning. On the surface, this may seem like the ultimate dream, but in practice, it will lead only to a spiritual emptiness and a lack of true fulfillment.
Just like the decaying matter enriching the soil with vital nutrients, contrast is essential for our spiritual growth. It is through the experience of both pleasure and pain, light and darkness, peaks and valleys, that we can truly appreciate and savor the moments of joy and pleasure in our lives. A tree that continuously bears fruit without ever stopping creates nothing but a headache—a garden drowning in fruit that one person could never possibly eat! Similarly, constant pleasure would eliminate this contrast, making it difficult for us to recognize the Divine spark within the moments of happiness.
This contrast and resulting fulfillment are evident throughout nature. The moon waxes and wanes, our bodies inhale and exhale, the tides ebb and flow. It is this constant back and forth between opposing forces that creates the dance of all life. It is responsible for the hope we reach for in times of crisis and the deep emotion of gratitude we feel in moments of pure beauty.
This month, celebrate all of the struggles and challenges that got you here today. Know with certainty that they served an enormous purpose: growing you into this version of yourself capable of unprecedented amounts of joy. And maybe buy yourself a potted flower and admire the contrast of the dirt and the petals. The sweet feeling of affection you hold for that little blossom might just be the way the Creator looks upon you…
Happy Adar!
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February 3, 2024
Yitro: Living in the Mindset of Creation
Monica invites us to check in with ourselves and determine if more of our time is spent in the mindset of consumption or creation. Through personal stories, she inspires us to spend more of our time in the mindset of creation, so we can reveal and manifest the greatness of our soul.
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February 2, 2024
Talk of the Town
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February 1, 2024
Beshalach: Living Free & Fearless
Join Monica as she shares how we can get to a state of becoming the foundation and builders of the world and live a free and fearless existence.
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Beshalach: Transforming Stress into Excitement
Monica inspires us to challenge the way that we perceive stress and shares how we can transform it into an exciting experience that leads us to our most fulfilled self.
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