Matt Gordon's Blog, page 8

The Challenge

Today, I began one of the most rigorous year-long competitions known to man. No, it isn’t P90X, as I’m pretty sure I could knock that out in six months or so. It’s not Tough Mudder or Crossfit or some other faddish exercise endeavor. It isn’t weight loss or some sort of existential finding of myself—No, you can leave the Yoga mat and incense at home.

Today, I began a competition that will beat on for 365 days. It will be a year of training, of competing, of being drained mentally and finding s...

A Terrorist of Affection

Today an odd thing happened.

I was at the vending machine at work, making my normal breakfast selection—a chocolate chip granola bar. I’m sort of on a health kick, so I get that, a carton of Tic Tacs, and only half a cup of Dr Pepper, you know, to condense my morning caloric intake and all.

While I was keying in D-1 and watching my chocolate chip spoil fall from its slot, a work companion saw me from across the room. To say this man is friendly is a gross understatement. No, he is oppressive in...

Conversation Peace: How To Be a Great Conversationalist

I love conversations. When I grew up, we didn’t have all this technology and the only screen I was ever face to face with was our porch screen all those times I didn’t realize it was closed and would run straight into it. “Screenface” was a nickname I wore proudly for several years.

Nope, what he had, back in those days, was each other and the words we’d share.

“Tell the one about the coon in the kitchen, Grandpa!” we kids would gleefully implore.

Grandpa would finish his rambling adventure, onl...

Living in My Body by the Good Hy-Vee

We recently moved to a new town. And with any move some important challenges presented themselves. Like finding a place to live, or, once found, telling people where said place is.

“We live over by Hy-Vee,” I told one pesky questioner.

“There’re three of them,” he deadpanned back.

“We live by the good one,” I said, hoping he’d shut his mouth.

I called a lady to order up some cable TVto kill my mind with and it wasn’t two minutes until she went all busybody on me.

“What’s your zip code?” she nagged...

Slinging Cheese

I had the opportunity the other night to volunteer at a local food bank. I was originally part of the hot dog crew–you could tell us by our gloves and hair-nets. But then,to my good fortune,we were pulled, my wife and I, to begin the cheese-packing process. This was gloveless and cap-lesswork for all but my dear wife, who refused to take her hair-netoff. “I don’t get to wear these all that often,” came her reasoning. That’s fair, I guess.

We put 2800 lbs. ofindividually wrapped cheese into bag...

September and Beyond

I was 17 when airplanes crashed into the buildings. That is all they were to me, really. Just buildings. Big buildings in the big city. Of course, I was sad about it, the adults in my high school were all sad about it, and so why wouldn’t I be? I remember Mr. Clubbs, the winsome, eccentric Speech teacher cradling the radio close and tearing up. He told us to work on our speeches, and then sat there speechless. I worked on my speech, but wasn’t sure if I should. Should I be crying? Should I be...

The Cold, the Heat, and the Forgotten In-Between

So, as usual, there is a problem, and the fact that it is about 100 degrees today is not it. Oh, it is hot, don’t get me wrong, but this isn’t necessarily a problem, per se. I mean, these things happen, especially in August. Wear short pants and get over it.

I have a new office. That isn’t the problem, either. Nor is the problem that my new office is kept at approximately the same temperature as that of a walk-in frozen food cooler. Oh yeah, it is downright frigid in here. But again, this real...

Things I Will Miss from My Time in an Extended Stay Hotel

Things I will miss from my time in an extended stay hotel:

-The gentle caress of the roaring interstate traffic that wafts in from the window, which, by the sound of it, is approximately three feet from said interstate.

-The soothing sirens that harmonize with the roaring interstate traffic and make me feel so very, very safe knowing just how many law enforcement officers, firefighters, and ambulances are out there protecting the areas so near our temporary home.

-I will miss the Mexican day lab...

The Pink Chair

I have a pink chair in my office. It is not an “excuse me” color either; this is no passively pink chair. No, it is downright the poppiest pink there is. And, like I said, it is now in my office.

It was a leftover chair, stuck in a supply closet, and the guy at my facility who handles such things has been unable to pawn it off on anyone else, due primarily, I think, to the aforementioned pinkness. I was told I could order any chairs I wanted, black ones or blue ones or cushiony ones or ones wi...

Drowning for Fufillment

You may well have heard of the woman who swam from Cuba to Florida without a protective shark cage. Her face was puckered by the sun and the salt and the specialized jellyfish mask she wore. Afterward, she was sore and tired, a wreck of accomplishment, helped smiling to and fro. She had tried the 110-mile swim four times before, but had been yanked from the water for delusion or fatigue or shark attack.

Yet now she has done it! And at 64 years-old, it was none too soon, either. Her life’s goal...