Matt Gordon's Blog, page 4

As for Me, I Married My Wife

A lot of guys dream of marrying a woman that draws the masses—a world-renowned beauty, wily and curvaceous. Her radiant beauty will surely be enough.

Other young men care less about the curves of their future bride’s body, and more about the merits of her mind. Is she smart and cagey and industrious? A ‘yes’ to all that is the key to unlock true companionship.

Or, for some, success is the key—Give me Benjamins or give me death! goes the ambitious cry. Having a woman who can earn her keep and be...

I’m Sick But Not For Long!

I’ve sworn off Western medicine. I turned 30 about two months ago, and I turned sick that very day. Since then I have sneezed and coughed and hacked and moaned and slept and sweated and thirsted and chapped and whimpered and hiccupped and prayed and lied and groaned and cursed and denied and accepted and determined to get better. But I haven’t yet.

Used to, when one would get sick, the doctor, commonly called “Doc”, would arrive at your door. He’d lumber down out of his wagon—or she if you hap...

The Anyway Worthless Commute

“Ma, Daryl’s o’ me agin.”

“Dar’l, git off yer sister. Whachu think dis is, some sort a royle rumble?”

“She started it. She always does,” drawled Daryl. He climbed off his sister, Beulah May.

“I donne care if she starts a fire in yer britches, boy! She got one arm, plus she’s a gurl. You ain’t no man a’tall if you beatin’ on no one armed girl, even if she is bigger’n an ox.”

Daryl shrugged at this, and moved to his side of the bench seat. And Beulah May smiled, pleased at the compliment.

“Why we go...

Seasonal D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N

Christmas is over. Each meticulously wrapped package has been torn open and taken away—back to the store or hung in a closet or what have you. The nativity has been put away, baby Jesus and His family wrapped tightly in bubble wrap. The tree’s in the attic or out by the curb, and the voices that recently laughed and sang about the house have all returned to their own homes.

Christmas is over, yet winter is still very much here. It is cold outside and wet and sickness is abounding. You overspen...

New Year Thoughts While Driving to Work

Occasionally, while driving to work, I turn down the radio and just have a good old think; I look around and let any old thought come trampling about my mind. When I arrive to the parking lot, I quickly jot down these thoughts. Here are today’s thoughts on day three of this splendid new year:

-Sometimes when I get really, really angry I’ve finally learned that I need to just get alone and breathe. Just let the air come in and go out. That really seems to help. Then I go shoot something.

-Dr. Qu...

Any Old Thing You Like

The other day I took one of those strength tests. Not like a weight-lifting thing, you understand, but one of those that ask all sorts of questions and then spits out what your top five personal strengths are? And you know what? I think they got my strengths pretty much exactly right. The test really worked!

My #5 strength was Abilities. No surprise there. I have always had a tremendous amount of abilities, almost everyone says so . . . and that may partly explain my #4 strength.

At #4 was Ment...

Movie Review: American Hustle

American Hustle was not at all what I expected. An altercation at the concession stand—one that involved a $9 Mountain Dew, the theater worker Becky’s hand-eye-coordination or lack thereof, and my trousers—left me quite late for my showing. I hurried from the Men’s Room where I left my pants underneath the hand dryers—don’t worry, I exchanged my own pants for those of a recently fired theater employee, who, I would surmise, had possibly been fired for popcorn consumption based on the size and...

Today’s Shocking News: Grizzled Woodsman Dislikes Homosexuality While Figure Skater Comes Out!

In a double-axle of news today, not only was Phil Robertson punished for thinking homosexuality was wrong but figure-skating champion Brian Boitano came out as gay. Honestly, I’m shocked on both counts. To think this guy is against homosexuality is almost as staggering as the thought that this guy, a professional athlete no less,is gay!!!!

Man, with all these hard-hitting and utterly surprising news events, I’m just glad we have a steady-stream of reliable news outlets reporting each and every...

Holiday Movie Review: “Hats Off to Christmas”

There are times when all things come tidily together at just the right point in history, and perfection, even if momentarily, is achieved. A beautiful sunset, a score of Bach, the Sistine ceiling . . . these rare wondrous things leave us better than they found us. Name whatever these things are for you, roll them together into one tapestry of delight, and you will begin to understand the utter, soul-nourishing treat that is Hallmark’s latest Christmas delight, Hats Off to Christmas.

Staring th...

Westward Leading, Still Proceeding

A dear friend once gave me a picture, one that still hangs in my office even today. The black and white photograph is of a bundled person sitting on a park bench and looking across the river at a fog-soaked Chicago.

The figure in the picture doesn’t know a photographer is crouched somewhere behind him, and there is not a single other soul in the frame. The person pictured is alone, gloriously alone, like a god, watching the city stir from a night’s slumber.

But that is just the thing with being...