Matt Gordon's Blog, page 5

Two Boys Build Roller Coaster for $50 and Minutes Later, in the Same Town, Two Boys are Taken to the Hospital with an Assortment of Injuries

Idaho Falls, Idaho–Two boys from Idaho Falls, Idaho assembled a backyard roller coaster for under $50, according to ABC News. The boys were challenged to build the backyard attraction by one of the boy’s mothers, and they planned it in around 30 minutes and built most of it from 8 am to 11 pm. Several neighborhood kids saw the makeshift coaster over the fence and were eager to ride.

This story (and others like it) only shows the ingenuity of mankind and how we can really do anything we put our...

What Were President Obama and Michelle Obama Thinking!?

You may have seen the photos. I have. And if I have seen them, you probably have too—I’m not exactly cutting edge here.

Anyway, the photos I mention are of President Obama and his wife attending Nelson Mandela’s memorial service. There are several pictures circulating—each capturing the Obamas in various states of “disrespect” and “disdain.” In one of the pictures, President Obama is seen posing for a cell phone picture with other world leaders, and in that one in particular, Michelle Obama lo...

Riding Her Wrecking Ball to Person of the Year Award

I love this time of year because of all the awards that get handed out. Movies are trying to slip in to the box office so as to be included in the early year awards handed out in 2014, the Heisman candidates are about to be released, and, of course, Time Magazine has released its ten person list for “Person of the Year.” I mean, does it get any bigger than this? The list of past winners includes esteemed names like Mahatma Ghandi, Charles Lindbergh, FDR and Winston Churchill. And villains hav...

Braving the Icy Storm . . . Or Not Braving the Icy Storm

I was wanting to go home this weekend to celebrate my sister’s and brother-in-law’s birthdays, and participate in a yearly tradition in which we spend all day watching mindless movies at the local theater’s canned food drive.

But then it snowed. A lot, from what I’ve been told. So now I have this debate skating about my head. A debate that is playing out like this:

-I already made a bunch of plans down there . . . but we can always find something to do around here too probably.

-If we don’t make...

I Find This (and That) Highly Offensive

We live in a sexy day and age in which one is free to take offense at anything he wants! Like someone will be offended that I chose the word “sexy” in that sentence or chose the male gender rather than “he or she” (though that would cause offense because the male is first so I’d have to go with “she or he” but that would cause similar reverse-offense, so that only leaves me with the ungrammatical “them” or some sort of neutral “a person”) . . . either way, isn’t it great? I mean, I can get ti...

The Reason for the Season (and Reason for Our Not Doing Outside Gifts This Year)

Dearest Family,

When Jesus came to the earth as a little darling naked baby, He came empty-handed. And in the same way, so shall we arrive to the annual family Christmas celebration—except fully clothed and all grown up.

Peg and I talked about this extensively—and prayed too, oh how we prayed!—and we are just tired of all the excesses of this time of year. I mean all anyone wants to do is shop, shop, shop! Did you know stores opened up on Thanksgiving and made their poor employees come in and w...

Monday Morning Manslaughter

I once wrote a (fictional) story about a boy whose mother made him go grocery shopping with her and then, upon leaving the store, hit a hobo with the family van. As they sped away from the scene, the crumpled mass in the rear-view mirror was a lasting reminder of tribulation for the moppet riding shotgun.

I lead with that only to follow with this: Today I almost lived a (non-fiction) story in which I hit a possibly homeless Asian woman with my vehicle.

It was a roundabout and I came to it with...

Where the _____ is Walmart, Sir?

A thing just happened. I’m not exactly sure what to do with it, so I will humbly tell you the account–word for word–and then, perhaps, it will become clearer.

I had an errand to run at a local sports outlet. After getting my purchase, I strolled to my automobile, just as normal as can be. Then, in the usual fashion, I began driving.

An oncoming car was coming into the parking lot as I was leaving, and as we approached one another, a hand came out the window and began waving wildly, in a manner...

2013 Lifetime Movie Round-up Pt. 1

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and if you don’t believe it, tune into Lifetime Network to enjoy their splendid Holiday Movie Line-up. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll question humanity, and you’ll see Christmas saved in unfathomable ways. Last year’s Lifetime Holiday Movie Round-up changed many lives of readers here at the blog, so this year I thought we’d cover even more films! Each week leading up to Christmas, we’ll preview some of the gems available on Lifetime’s esteemed netwo...

Losing the Will to Live and Gaining the Common Cold

Voice: Thank you for calling Immediate Health Clinic’s Over-the-Phone Diagnostics Unit. How may I serve you?

2nd Voice: I’m sick.

Voice: Well, you called the right number. What is your name, ma’am?

2nd Voice: I’m a sir. One of my symptoms is a nasally-pitched voice . . .

Voice: Oh, I’m sorry. Terribly sorry, Sir. Please forgive me . . .

2nd Voice: It is no problem. I blame the symptoms. My name is Roger Martin.

Voice: Okay, Mr. Martin.

2nd Voice: Roger.

Voice: Oh, okay, Roger. Well, Roger—

Roger: It i...